Glamour Life
by Feisu
Summary: Michiru, a student wishing to become famous, and Haruka, a girl living with two dreams, keep crossing paths as they try to find the way to what they want the most: their successful careers. The careers that change them and their lives forever. AU. HM
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

"Come on, come on, come on!" She slammed on the wheel as the finish line came in her line of vision and the car next to her was still ahead by a good third of the body length. The car veered to the left and she grabbed the wheel with both hands, forgetting about her frustration and concentrating on the job at hand. The little display of emotion cost her another third of the length. There was no coming back from it now. The checkered flag caught her right on the side as she came to the finish second.

She sat in the car with her forehead on the steering wheel until someone knocked on the window impatiently. She opened the door and got out.

"Come on, kid, it wasn't bad. You're taking silver."

She tried to master a smile. "Silver? How will I ever go pro if I never get past silver, dad?"

"You just need more practice, that's all. Most importantly, you need to make up your mind and not stretch yourself in two opposite directions. Figure out what you wanna do, then concentrate on being the best at it."

She shook her head and walked towards the small crowd of people, her father's words weighing heavily on her mind.

**x x x**

"Hey gorgeous, how ya feeling?"

"Seriously, Haruka?"

Haruka smiled wider. "Seriously, gorgeous." She walked up to the young woman that sat in a recliner chair and kissed her forehead.

"I wish you'd stop lying to me." The young woman pulled the silk scarf she was wearing around her head lower, hiding the absence of any hair.

"I never lie to you, Karin."

"How did it go?"

Haruka shrugged. "Haven't you seen?" She jerked her chin at the television.

Karin smiled. "Yes, but you're still infamous enough to tell your sister exactly what happened and not just refer me to the TV."

"If it keeps going the way it does, I might have all the time in the world to tell you about my failures."

"Haruka!" Karin tried to get up, which caused Haruka to jump to her side and physically force her down. "Don't you dare bring yourself down! You'll be famous one day and I'll be able to always see you, no matter where you are and what hospital I'm in."

"Don't say that." She looked in her sister's eyes full of tears. "Do you want me to play for you?"

Karin smiled and wiped the tears away. "Please."

Haruka walked up to the grand piano that occupied space where a breakfast bar used to be at one point in time and sat down. Her fingers found their way around the keys as her mind drifted back to her father's advice. She was sixteen years old. High School was almost over, she needed to figure out what she wanted to do with her life.

"Please promise me that you will apply to Juilliard."

Haruka's fingers stilled for a moment before she continued to play. "Why?"

"Because you have a tremendous talent. You can be on any stage, performing with the famous orchestras around the world… and I can listen."

"You can watch me drive too."

"It isn't safe, Haruka. Do you really want mom and dad to worry about losing both of their kids?"

"Karin -" Haruka stopped playing altogether.

"Please, just apply there. If it doesn't work out, you'll know that it's not the right choice. In the meantime, you can keep racing."

"Then why not just pick one or the other?"

"Because you can't."

"Why not?" It was exactly how Haruka felt and it almost made her cry.

"Because you know where your heart lies, but you care about your family too much."

Haruka choked back a sob and played another melody that Karin liked.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

AN: Yes, I know you have no idea what this is about and the prologue didn't help. Sorry, I'm that bad. This is the most you're going to see of Haruka in this one for a while, though. So it's a sneak peak. Answer the poll on my profile page.

Ja


	2. CH 1

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Haruka and Michiru's characters, they belong to Naoko Takeuchi. All other characters and this story belong to me.

Individual chapters will be rated "M" for mature content in the future. If at any point you feel like the whole fic should be rated higher, please let me know.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**AN:** Brought to you by the majority of votes. Seeing how the weekends will be the only days when I may have time to write, I will post updates on Mondays until I run out of them. As promised, for a while this will be about Michiru. Let me know what you think.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**Chapter 1**

"What is the purpose of your visit to the United States?"

She swallowed, remembering all the stories she has heard about being turned around at the airport and being sent home. The officer in the booth seemed cold and impatient, which was expected considering the long line she was now at the front of. She took a deep breath and tried to make her English as good as she could.

"Study."

"Where are you going to study?"

She seriously doubted he cared where she was going to study, definitely not from the perspective of a casual conversation. Perhaps he was making sure she was not lying.

"Juilliard."

His eyebrows rose slightly, indicating that he did have feelings behind that cold front after all. "Good for you. What program?"

"Music."

"What do you play?"

"The violin." She grabbed the handle of her case tighter, resisting bringing it up and putting it in his face, she doubted he did not notice her holding it.

"Enjoy your stay Ms. Kaioh."

"Thank you." She bowed to him, sticking to her native traditions, as she grabbed the passport with a new white card that was carelessly stapled to one of the pages. Michiru made her way out of the separated space, frantically looking for directions to where she could get her luggage.

The fourteen-hour flight was exhausting physically, not to mention the emotional overload she put herself through. Another half an hour later, and she sat on the bullet train that took her and her luggage out of the insanity of the JFK and towards an even more crazed Manhattan. By the time she made it to the Lincoln Center Plaza, Michiru was numb physically and emotionally, unable to care for anything and wanting nothing more than to sleep, despite it being an early morning. Time difference, after all, could do tricks to one's system. Not bothering to stop anywhere else, she made it to the residence hall and inquired into her assignment. It was the school's policy to require all their freshmen students to live on campus. She knew that the room would be a double, but had no idea who her roommate would be. From what she has been told, students were paired based on their majors, to provide for opportunities to find out about other areas of arts. She did not care who her roommate would be, the only thing she cared about was being there.

She opened the door to a small room furnished with two loft beds, two desks with bookshelves and two chests. It reminded her of a hospital room more than anything else. The bed on her left was presently occupied by a pile of blankets that covered a human form. She set her luggage by the other bed and wondered if she should introduce herself, but decided against it. Most likely, the blonde girl in bed made it to the dorm the night before, if not earlier. To Michiru, it was still an early morning.

Her blue eyes travelled to the empty bed and she let herself collapse into it, not bothering to change, shower, or to remove sheets. Her new life started today, but the only thing she wanted was sleep.

**x x x**

_My name is Kaioh Michiru. That day, the year I turned eighteen years old and touched ground in New York City, I started a new journey. One that has brought me here. _

_I was born in a small town in the mountains of Japan. My life has never been anything special. My parents owned an inn and were well off, at least where they lived. Myself, I always had a dream. I've always dreamt of freedom. You may laugh, say that being raised in a loving family, perhaps even spoiled, having anything I wanted, I have all the freedom one may wish for… but I've never felt that way. Back in the small town my future was already written for me. I was the only child of two parents who took care of a family business, and it was presumed that I would do the same. I did not have many friends, people somehow have always found me cold and distant… I guess in a bigger town they would call it snobbish. But that's not how I was. It's the opposite. I wanted to be friendly and outgoing, have a lot of friends, be popular with them… but in reality, I was too shy, too afraid to make that first step. So I kept dreaming about it and hoping that one day it would change. _

_I started to play the violin when all of my other classmates picked guitars, drums, keyboards, or plain singing. I liked that it made me different, I just did not realize that it would only worsen my social life and make me an outcast. Too bad I fell in love with the instrument then. Too bad for them. _

_I was twelve. For six years I have been practicing, studying, spending every moment of my free time making myself worthy of something. But to be completely honest, I spent all that time playing the violin because there was nothing else to do. I went to school, I helped around the inn, and I played the violin. I had no friends and no interests. _

_I don't know if it was the sound of my violin or the realization that I was playing it so obsessively that made my parents question me about what I wanted to do with my life. I did not realize I had a choice until they asked. I've always thought that my fate has been decided. When I told my mother that, she laughed and said that people decide their fate themselves. _

_After an agonizing month, I decided that all I had was the violin and I truly loved it. If people truly make their own fate, then I wanted to be a musician. I wanted to be on the largest stage in Japan, performing live for my family in the front row and all those people that casted me out. I wanted them to see me there, whether to be proud or envious. That was my fate._

**x x x**

A high-pitch shrill of a phone broke the silence of the room. A hand reached out and grabbed it from the side of the bed, the other hand pulled the blankets higher over the blonde head.

"Seriously? What's on fire?" A husky voice full of sleep asked. "Shit!"

Michiru's eyes flew open from the yelling a few feet away from her. She turned and was faced with the same pile of blankets as before, only an angry voice came out from underneath.

"That's it! I'm coming home!" Sheets were thrown aside and a tall blonde girl marched to the bathroom, not paying attention to the fact that she was no longer alone in the room.

Michiru just lay there, staring at the phone that kept going off rather annoyingly. It was extremely rude and inconsiderate of her roommate to do this to her, not that she seemed to notice that Michiru was there in a first place. The violinist sighed and walked to the phone, pushing the button to silence the ringtone. At that exact moment she wished that the blonde girl would go home just like she said she would. Michiru had all intentions of concentrating on her studies and living with a loud, inconsiderate person was the last thing she wanted. Michiru pursed her lips and laid back down.

The door from the bathroom opened and a still angry blonde marched into the room, pulling a suitcase out of the closet. She was wearing black cargo pants that fit snuggly on her hips, but were still fastened by a wide leather belt, and a black A|X t-shirt. A pair of aviator sunglasses sat on top of her wild, short blonde hair. A small hoop ring pierced through the top of her right ear. To Michiru, she looked like someone who lived in New York; or, at least, someone who lived in a large city. She was cool and scary at the same time.

The phone rang again and the girl mumbled under her breath before turning and freezing in the spot. Her gray eyes settled on the bed that was empty until recently and she just stared. Michiru felt tantalized by those dark gray eyes, but the annoying shrill of a phone broke the moment.

"Do you mind? It's rather annoying." Her voice was a lot colder than she intended it to be.

The blonde girl jumped out of her paralysis and picked up the phone, flipping it open. "What?" She went back to throwing things in the suitcase as she held the phone with her shoulder.

"No, I'm not insane. This was your idea from the beginning, not mine! It's a freaking waste of money for me to -" "I have more than one talent!" "Have you met me? I don't care that this is more appropriate for a female, we live in the twenty-first century for goodness sake!" "And you think I will become what? A show-biz celebrity? Please, that's just shallow." "Mom, seriously, I'm coming home. I've had it. If you can't deal with your problems without me being there, then I'll be there. End of discussion."

She flipped the phone closed and bashed it into the floor, until it rang again. Stubbornness ran in the family. She looked at the caller ID and sighed, opening the phone back up. "Dad? I can't do it. This is not what I want, I want to be with you guys, you need me. I told you that fate would decide which path I should take and the fate has decided. It's not for me to be here." She zipped up her suitcase slowly, listening to what her father was saying on the other end of the line. "I don't care if I never become famous, it's something Karin wanted, not me. She can see me no matter what I do, no matter where I am. I'm coming home. I'll call you when I figure out a ticket."

She hang up the phone and turned it off, not willing to answer it again. She buried her face in the palms of her hands, sitting on the floor for another couple of minutes, before she got up and left to pack her toiletries. In another fifteen minutes she walked out of the room with her luggage, without ever bothering to say a word to Michiru. As the door closed shut, the violinist got up and locked it, before finally forcing herself to get in the shower and at least unpack.

**x x x**

_You know, they say don't judge a book by its cover. I must admit, I've never taken that saying as seriously as I have after I met her again. That day, the first time I saw her, I thought she was a spoiled, presumptuous and temperamental brat that just threw a career away on a whim. If it was any other school, I would have thought that her parents paved her way there and she just did not appreciate it, but, having gone through the admission process myself, I knew she had to have talent. I just didn't know what it was, nor did I care to find out, just like I didn't care to find out who she was. She was gone and I got my sleep. That was all that mattered at the time._

**x x x**

Michiru did not stir until the next morning. She finally woke up at the sound of a door opening.

"Hello?"

Michiru brought herself up on her elbows and looked in the direction of the voice. "Yes?"

"Hi, sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up. You're Michiru, right?"

Michiru rubbed her eyes and draped her legs over the side of the bed. "Yes." She looked at the girl standing by the door fully for the first time. She had long sandy-blonde hair with platinum highlights and brown eyes. Most likely she was not much taller than Michiru, but the platformed shoes she wore added at least four or five inches to her height.

The girl pulled two suitcases behind her and closed the door shut. "I'm Amanda, your roommate."

'_So she did leave after all.'_ Michiru got up and bowed to the newcomer. "Nice to meet you."

Amanda dropped her luggage and sat on the empty bed. "Where are you from?"

"Japan."

"Neatto. Does everyone in Japan have an awesome hair like yours?"

Michiru smiled as the rest of her sleepiness went away. "We like to spice the life up. Where are you from?"

"California."

That explained the rich tan. Michiru glanced at the clock, it was just after eight. Amanda noticed.

"I'm sorry, my plane landed an hour ago and I came straight here. Would you like to grab some breakfast with me since I already got you up? My treat."

Michiru has never been invited out by someone else before. Not even something as trivial as breakfast. "S-sure. Can I take a shower?"

"Of course, by all means. I'll unpack some of my clothes in the meanwhile."

Michiru smiled and started her morning routine. Half an hour later she was ready and her roommate was unpacked. Both unfamiliar with the city, they walked down to Broadway and had breakfast at a bustling café.

"Are you from Tokyo?"

Michiru looked up at Amanda who was sipping on black coffee and shook her head. "No."

"Where are you from then?"

"A small town in the mountains." Michiru did not understand why this girl who she met not even an hour ago was interested in exactly where she was from. Michiru was sure that Amanda has never heard of her town, why would the name matter?

"Wow. So this must be overwhelming for you. New York, I mean."

What was overwhelming to Michiru was the girl sitting across the table. Michiru was used to getting up early in the morning and helping with the chores around the inn, but she was still dealing with the time difference and Amanda's cheerfulness was altogether too much. "I don't know yet."

"Myself, I'm from LA. This isn't much different. I mean, bigger yeah, but the dynamic is a bit alike. I'm sure this will totally not be the case in the winter though. I mean, I'm excited we're living on campus and don't have to deal with snow on the sidewalks and stuff." She took another sip and studied her quiet companion.

"Does it snow where you're from?"

Michiru smiled. "Yes. For most of the year. It rains the rest."

Amanda was not sure if Michiru was joking or not, so she changed the subject. "So whatcha studying?"

"Music."

"Neatto. Do you play or sing?"

"I play violin. What about you?"

"Drama."

Michiru should have guessed. Someone as animated as Amanda had to be inspired to be an actor. They talked about classes that were scheduled to begin in a couple of days, they talked about the city and their plans for the nearest future. Well, at least Amanda did. Michiru mostly listened and participated in the conversation to a necessary degree. By the time they made it back to the dorm, though, Michiru felt like perhaps she made a friend for the first time in her life.

**x x x**

_I was happy to make a friend. It was refreshing to have someone to talk to, even if that someone was overwhelming in the beginning. Amanda, though… she was something. I got used to her rather quickly and our relationship strengthened. What I did not realize at the time was exactly how much impact Amanda would have on my life. In many ways, she changed it. Because she changed me._

**x x x**

The trees visible from Michiru's window have long changed their color into golden yellow. The sky was gray and heavy, threatening to spray those walking in the rush hour with spurts of rain. Michiru sighed and looked back down to her book. She could not believe how fast the first two months flew by. Between the classes, daily practices and homework she had little time for anything else. In the beginning Michiru thought her roommate to be an airhead who would spend time partying and not studying, but she could not have been any more wrong. Amanda spent virtually no time at the dorm, making the most of her presence on campus. She got involved in all kinds of drama-related activities and the hours of her days were divided between the theater and the library.

Michiru watched as first raindrops hit the pane of the glass and sighed again. She did not like to study at the library because she constantly got distracted, but even the view out of the window distracted her from the humanities homework. She forced herself to concentrate on the text.

An hour later she almost jumped at the sound of a guitar. Michiru shifted in her chair, put her elbows on the table and covered her ears, returning to the study. She could still hear it. Except that now there were two of them. A bass came in and now Michiru could not even hear her own thoughts. She pushed herself away from the table, got up and grabbed her keys. The sound was coming from directly below her, so she figured it must have been her neighbors. She has not met any of her neighbors, even on her floor, it was her roommate's self-chosen job to be a dignitary and know every person on campus.

Michiru marched down the stairs and towards the sound of the guitars. She halted in front of a door, just like her own, and hesitated only for a moment. She knocked on the door and took a step back. Nothing happened. She knocked again, but the result was the same. Taking in a deep breath, Michiru banged her fist against the door. The bass died away, followed by the guitar. The door swung open and Michiru was faced with a broad chest clad in a colorful t-shirt. She looked up to a blonde man with laughing green eyes.

"Can I help you?"

Michiru suddenly remembered why she was there. "Yes, you can. You can use a practice room for all that noise you're making and let me study."

Just like it always happened, she was too nervous to just ask, so she yelled at the stranger. He took a step back, all traces of laughter gone from his features.

"Aye, we'll take it down a notch, sorry. The muse just sort of landed on our shoulder."

Michiru looked beyond the blonde to another occupant of the room who spoke with a pronounced Irish accent. He was as tall as the man in front of her, but his hair was black and his eyes were blue. His body, or what she could see of it, was well-defined, as though he spent hours at the gym. The man put the guitar he was holding down and walked up to her.

"Hi, I'm Alan and this is my roommate Mark. I think you scared him into a temporary paralysis."

Michiru felt herself blush and averted the eyes from the ones that were so much like her own. "Michiru."

Alan smiled. "Nice to meet you, Michiru. Now, which direction are you coming from?"

She stared at him for a moment, interpreting the question. "I'm in the room above yours."

"I see. Well, sorry for the disruption. We'll make sure to keep it down."

"Thanks."

She nodded to both roommates and skipped back to the staircase. She could swear she felt a pair of eyes pierce through her back all the way until she disappeared from the hallway.

**x x x**

"You'll be proud of me, I made some acquaintances today." Michiru was brushing through her hair as Amanda did some stretching before bedtime.

"Oh yeah? Who?"

"Alan and Mark, the guys from downstairs."

"Cool. What do you think of them?"

"I don't know. I didn't get a chance to talk to them much."

Amanda straightened out and looked at Michiru skeptically. "Please, I've seen those two before. They're eye candy."

Michiru's cheeks warmed up with some color and she turned away under the pretense of storing the hairbrush.

Amanda narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "Do you prefer blondes or brunettes?"

"What? I don't prefer anyone."

"Sure you don't. You're not human."

Michiru moved the blanket and climbed into bed. "I'm human, I'm just not looking for anything right now. I'm too busy."

"Uh huh. Too busy my ass."

"Amanda!"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, jeez. I just said 'ass'." She laughed as a pillow missed her head by a foot. "You suck at this game. Just go to sleep."

"That's what I'm trying to do."

"Don't worry, there's always the Thanksgiving Break to have fun."

Michiru pretended not to listen.

**x x x**

Ever since the day she was interrupted by the sound of two guitars, Michiru seemed to run into the duo everywhere. She bumped into them in the hallway, she noticed them at the gym, in the lecture halls, on the way in or out of the practice rooms. Michiru was not sure if this has been the case all along or if is was something recent and intentional. All she knew was that her heart fluttered every time she was in their presence and butterflies tickled her stomach every time she came in contact with him.

"Earth to Michiru?" Amanda waved a hand in front of her roommate. "Hey, come back, I was having a conversation with you."

Michiru looked up and smiled apologetically. "Sorry. What were you saying?"

"I was saying that there is a Thanksgiving party coming up this Friday and that I want you to come."

"I don't know, Amanda, I have to catch up with some reading."

Amanda put her hands on her hips. "You did not just use that lame excuse, did you? Because I swear I'll slap you if you did. We're going."

Michiru chewed on her lower lip. "I don't know... I'm not really a fan of college parties."

"Sweetie, let me let you in on a secret. You have to go to one to form an opinion."

Michiru thought that perhaps it would not be so bad if she went with someone. Especially someone as outgoing as Amanda. "Okay. But promise me that you won't hold me there if I don't want to stay."

Amanda gave her the most innocent smile that Michiru has already learned to be part of Amanda's amazing acting skills. "I wouldn't dream of it."

**x x x**

The party was held in a warehouse in Soho. It has been used before by some of the students for their performances and exhibits, so they decided to collaborate and rent it for the night. Michiru was not sure what she expected from the event, but she certainly did not expect students to perform at their own party. Loud music was blasting from the large speakers that sat on both sides of the stage and five students were doing a contemporary dance.

Amanda nudged Michiru in the ribs. "That's Kate." She pointed to one of the dancers. Michiru has heard about Kate before, in the context of being the heart of the party scene. Someone she thought Amanda to be in the beginning. "Come on, Mich, let's get something to drink."

They made their way through the crowd towards the table that was set in the back of the room. Amanda grabbed a cup of red wine and Michiru followed her example. The dance ended and the crowd roared in applause. Three other students jumped on stage and rolled out drums, electronic keyboards, and an assortment of string instruments. Kate walked up to the microphone.

"I hope we put you guys in the right mood." The crowd cheered. "If this is your first time here, welcome. Everyone else, welcome back." She paused and smiled as more shouts came out of the crowd. "Just a few ground rules as a reminder. Feel free to jump on stage and perform as the previous performer steps down. Feel free to jump in if you feel you can add to the composition being played, do not get upset or offended if someone does this and you don't feel it was up to par with your piece, this is a night for creative freedom. Without much adieu, please..." She gestured to the open stage and stepped down.

A student Michiru did not know came on stage and grabbed a cello. As the music, amplified by the speakers filled the large room, Michiru took another look around. The space was open, but the absence of windows put it in the natural darkness. Industrial lights located at the top of the high ceiling were turned off, and flood lights positioned on the floor lit up the stage area and illuminated the rest of the room. The walls, floors and ceiling were bare concrete, warmed up by the bodies that filled the space. The stage occupied half of the wall farthest from the entrance, two large industrial speakers sat on each side. As Michiru's eyes traveled through the crowd, they connected with familiar ones that were watching her.

"Go talk to him."

"Excuse me?" Michiru looked up at Amanda who was watching her closely.

"Go talk to him, you know you want to."

"I don't."

"Come on, Mich, before someone else snags him away, he's delicious."

"If you think that way, you should go and get him for yourself."

"How about I make you a deal? You talk to the one you like and I'll talk to his friend?"

Michiru knew she did not have much of a choice, nor did she really want to. "Fine."

Amanda smiled and they both made their way through the hoard of people to he familiar duo that stood in a group of friends.

"Oh, I'm sorry, were we talking too loud?"

Michiru shifted uncomfortably at the blonde man's remark. He, in return, got a jab in the ribs from his roommate.

"Don't listen to his sorry ass, it's a self defense mechanism against beautiful girls."

Michiru blushed as the blue eyes settled on her again.

"So what are you guys performing tonight?" Amanda changed the subject.

"Who said we are?" Alan faked innocence.

"Please, we both met Mark, he won't miss the opportunity."

"Yes, well, we're not all crowd desperate."

"Is that a new way to say that you're shy?"

Alan shrugged. "I'm not shy."

"Really?" Amanda darted her eyes in Michiru's direction, which went unnoticed by anyone but Alan.

"In due time."

Amanda smiled covertly and turned to her friend. "So Mich, are you going to play?"

"Uh, no." The proposition made Michiru truly uncomfortable.

"Why not? It's so fun!" Amanda prodded.

"Are you going to perform?"

"No, but only because no one wants me to read a monologue off the stage…"

"I'm sure you can do other, more exciting things from the stage." Alan pitched in. Amanda glared at him and closed her mouth tight. He chuckled. "But she's right, Mich, performing is fun and you'll never get a better audience. We all cheer each other as much as we criticize afterwards. You get your blood pumped and your lesson in one."

Michiru did not hear anything he said past her nickname that seemed to stick around in America. Her heart pounded in her ears and his voice seemed to repeat her name in her head like a broken record.

Neither of them noticed as Mark disappeared until his voice boomed over the hum of the crowd. "This is something new we've been working on, so feel free to jump in." He looked around the room. "Alan? Would you be so kind as to get your ass up here?"

"So foul." Alan smirked as he excused himself and quickly made his way to the stage.

Mark picked up the bass guitar and was connecting it to the amplifier by the time Alan jumped on stage. He picked up a guitar and the two stepped into the center. In the center of the spotlight, Michiru had to admit, they looked like they were part of the industry and have been doing it forever. They both wore ripped jeans and tight t-shirts and could have been performing on the street, but their attitude has changed. It was not something Michiru could explain, rather it was a feeling she got. They were so close just minutes ago, as they stood talking to her, but now they were so far away, in a different world. Unreachable.

Alan's fingers brushed against the strings and a slow melody began to play. To Michiru's surprise, the crowd quieted down, as though trying to catch on to the words that were coming any minute now. Instead of the words, the bass cut in and the tempo increased, bringing out a low roar from the crowd. Not only the tempo, but the volume seemed to increase exponentially until the bass died away as suddenly as it cut in and Mark grabbed the microphone in front of him.

_The goal in sight, the finish line so near_

_Just minutes in the end and then it will come clear_

_Don't think of anything beyond the goal ahead_

_The world around you has simply turned out mad_

_The world of money, fame, desires_

_Who cares, when what you do aspires_

He took a step back and grabbed his bass again, returning to the fast-paced tempo.

_You have a chance now, _

_You've got the power,_

_You kno-o-o-w you can get through,_

_Just don't give up now,_

_You've got the power,_

_Don't le-e-e-t them get to you..._

From the corner of her eye, Michiru noticed a girl enter the stage from the side. Unlike Michiru, Amanda and most other girls who were wearing dresses, skirts, or other body-fitting, if not suggestive, outfits, this girl wore wide jeans and an oversized zip-up. Her long black hair was pulled up in a bun and two sticks fit snuggly straight through its middle. The girl slowly but confidently walked up the stage, took the sticks out and sat behind the drums. Alan exchanged a silent conversation with her which was not understood by Michiru and the drummer cut in at the end of the chorus. The song went from one most resembling rock to punk as the sound of the bass drum and hi-hat was added to the mixture.

_Your goal - your own determination_

_But what if your pursuit inspires population_

_The fear, stress and anguish you may feel_

_Will all be worth it because your victory will heal_

_Despite the difficulties that almost make you bend_

_It'll all be worth it at the very end _

In the middle of the verse another student jumped up on the stage and grabbed a bass. He successfully completed the transformation of the song into one that blasted the warehouse, making everyone within it move with the music.

_You have a chance now, _

_You've got the power,_

_You kno-o-o-w you can get through,_

_Just don't give up now,_

_You've got the power,_

_Don't le-e-e-t them get to you..._

**x x x**

_It was the first time I went out with my classmates or my friends. It was the first time I participated in a series of parties the purpose of which was to advance our own skills and creativity more than anything else. But most importantly, two things happened that night: I was inspired to try playing my violin in public, despite being deathly afraid of the stage, and I fell in love._


	3. CH 2

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Haruka and Michiru's characters, they belong to Naoko Takeuchi. All other characters and this story belong to me.

Individual chapters will be rated "M" for mature content in the future. If at any point you feel like the whole fic should be rated higher, please let me know.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**AN:** Thank you so much to all who reviewed! So this one will have more characters than I usually do simply because of the nature of the fic. I'm going to develop a couple a bit more as of now, but let me know as we go along which ones you like/dislike and which ones you'd like to see more. As of right now only Alan, Amanda and one other character (who's not H or M) will be developed as secondary, everyone else is just there for 'decoration'

_**petiyaka: **_thanks darling, for bringing up the issue of suicide :) This is my 'me' time and there isn't anything in this stressful period of time that can't be fixed by a good drink ;) so keep 'em coming… too bad my teenagers are too young to drink, I'd put some cocktails in here… later

_**SeraEris: **_I'm playing around with Michiru's character… and your hope wasn't too far off.

_**Mantaray:**_ I've been having fun with this, H&M will be 'bumping' into each other all along.

_**Tenoh and Kaioh: **_I'll let you in on a little secret… I started writing IAAU2 a while back, but it's still work in progress. For one because it's so much about Sora, and for two because I am writing a lot of things in retrospect and they have to make sense. Like how the twins evolved from kids into adults and why their actions where so… how to say this… unreasonable? I'm reluctant to post them side by side, though, because then when I get to writing Haruka into this story, I'll be too influenced by her character in IAAU. So we'll see.

Alan v. Haruka it is! You know who wins, but getting there… hmm

Enjoy...

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**Chapter 2**

As the last words left Mark's lips and the music died away with the last loud outcry, the crowd exploded. Michiru physically forced herself not to cover her ears and just smiled in pain, applauding like many others did. Once the cheering stopped and the musicians left the stage for the next performance, Michiru turned to Amanda.

"You'd think that someone who bothered to go to Juilliard would not waste their time playing punk music."

Amanda blinked the surprise of criticism away. "What do you mean?"

"It's obvious that they can play guitars very well, but if all you want is to play rock or punk or whatever it is they were playing, why even bother going to school?"

"Eh… well, first of all, there is nothing wrong with that if you're serious about being the best. Second, they're playing guitars for fun, that's not what they're majoring in."

Michiru felt slightly degraded by her own quick judgment. "What are they majoring in?"

"Mark is doing vocals and Alan is doing composition. He's a pretty good songwriter actually. Him and Mark have been roommates since last year and I guess they clicked. One sings, the other writes. I think it's cool, no matter the style."

"I-I guess so." Michiru stumbled.

Amanda just shrugged it off. "Let's go dance."

"I -"

"I don't want to hear it." Amanda grabbed Michiru's hand and dragged her to an area where people were dancing.

**x x x**

Michiru lost the track of time as she was too busy trying not to look like a fool on the dance floor. It was rather apparent that Amanda would not let her out, yet Michiru could not quite say that she was enjoying it. She tried to mimic other people and so far it was working out well, but she kept wondering when her torture would be over.

Finally, Amanda gestured to the side of the room. Michiru sighed in relief and followed. They grabbed some bottled water and were drinking when Michiru felt someone's close presence and almost spit the liquid out as laughing blue eyes looked at her.

"We're grabbing something to eat, you guys want to join us?"

They both looked at the four people that performed on stage earlier and Michiru was about to politely decline when Amanda beat her to the punch. "We'd love to. What did you have in mind?"

Alan looked at the rest of his company. "Pizza?" The girl suggested. "I'm Max."

"Amanda."

"Michiru."

"Rob." The bass guitar player added from the side.

"Shall we?" Mark moved to the front of the group towards the exit and the rest followed.

**x x x**

They walked a few blocks before they found a pizzeria that could accommodate all six of them without any wait. As they placed their orders, they sat around a large table in the back corner of the small restaurant and sipped on their soft drinks.

"So, I take it you both are first years?" Rob, a brunette man with golden skin and dark brown eyes asked the girls.

"We are." Amanda nodded.

"Where are you from?"

"California."

All eyes fell on Michiru and she quickly answered. "Japan."

"An international table?" Max mused from her corner.

"How so?" Amanda asked.

Max pulled one of her drum sticks out and pointed to each person she spoke of. "Japan. Ireland. Puerto Rico."

"Puerto Rico is part of the US, duh." Rob dismissed her with a lopsided smile.

"Fine, well, Canada ain't." Max pointed at herself and put the stick back in her hair.

"Where are you from, Mark?"

"The Hamptons."

Amanda broke into fits of laughter as the rest of them stared at her. She shook her head. "Very Hampton like of you."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Rich, snobbish, and flying above our heads."

Alan put a hand on his friend's shoulder. "She's just teasing you, brother. The only reason she didn't say she's from Hollywood is because she already comes across as a babe."

"How do you know she's from Hollywood?" The question came out before Michiru could stop herself and she regretted saying something so stupid and forward as soon as the words left her mouth.

"Because she talks a lot more than you do. And because we're in the same class."

Michiru nodded her head and looked at the approaching waitress with relief. Who knew that making friends involved this much awkwardness. Perhaps that was the reason why she did not have friends back home.

"So, are you guys going to play together again?" Amanda asked as she grabbed a slice of pizza.

"It turned out fun, so who knows." Max buried her face in the pizza as well.

"I think we should, we did well playing just by ear, so if we practice together, we can go pro."

"See, snobbish I tell you."

"Confident, Mandy, confident." Mark smiled at her.

"Please don't call me that."

"I won't if you don't."

"Fine."

"Alan, did you write that song?" Michiru decided to break through the bickering that was fast growing old.

"Aye, I did. I put it down on paper the day you came to our room. We were a bit excited, so we started playing it out in the dorm."

"It's very inspiring."

"I'm glad you find it that way."

"What inspired you to write it?"

Mark and Alan looked at each other. "Well…" He scratched the back of his neck. "My brother, I guess?"

"You guess it was your brother?" Max cocked an eyebrow.

"There's a story behind it."

"There's always a story behind it." Rob smirked, but was ignored by Alan.

"My younger brother is into racing and he's been obsessed with this one newbie for years now. By obsessed I mean he made me watch the races for two and a half years now, even though I haven't lived at home for two of them. So this guy has kind of been under a lot of pressure lately and some fire from the paparazzi, so I wrote it thinking of him. He was a race away from getting a contract for F-1, which is what his dream is."

"Did he get it?" Michiru was listening intently.

"Get what?"

"The contract?"

Alan smiled. "He did. Which, of course, means that my schedule will now have to accommodate for more racing, but that's perfectly fine by me."

"Did they announce which team he's going to be driving for?" Mark asked.

Alan nodded and spoke as he chewed. "Ferrari."

"Let's hope he is a new Schumacher then." Mark smiled knowingly. "But returning to the subjects that interest more people at the table, what do you think, boss?"

"I'm not the boss of ya, brother."

"You write the music and the lyrics. I'd say that makes you the boss." Rob agreed.

Alan shrugged noncommittally. "We can see if we can fit a practice in our schedules together if you guys are interested. I like the arrangement we played by ear, we'll work on it a bit indoors and see what we come up with."

"I'm in." Max wiped her mouth with a napkin.

"Me too."

"Me three."

They all looked at Alan. "Okay. I have other songs, but why don't we find a style with this one and see how good we can get it. If we're still into it at the end, I'm not against sending a tape out."

"You'd do punk music after graduating Juilliard?" Michiru could not hold it in.

Alan looked at her and shrugged again. "I don't think it's punk per se, I think of it as alternative. No, that's not the right one either. It's more like taking something traditional, no matter the style, and adding something to it, creating something original based solely on the way it's played. You know what I mean?"

He figured by her blank expression that she did not. "Okay, I'll show you." He got up, pulled a couple of twenty dollar bills out of his wallet, threw them on the table, walked around, and grabbed her hand. "Let's go."

"W-w-what?" Michiru stammered as she got to her feet on reflex.

"It's easier to show you than to explain. Come on." He tugged at her hand again and she grabbed her purse that hang on the back of the chair and her coat. "We'll catch up with you guys later, see if you can figure out what time works for everyone in the meantime."

They said their goodbyes and were out on the street in no time. Alan, still securely holding Michiru's hand, pulled her towards the subway. Michiru followed, trying not to trip on her heels and not to concentrate on the wonderful feeling at the bottom of her stomach.

"Where are we going?" She looked up at him as they reached the platform.

"Back to campus. We need one of the practice rooms."

"Okay." She looked down at her hand that was still held by a larger one.

Alan noticed and misinterpreted her reaction. He let go of her hand and took a small step away. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay." Michiru put her coat on and then held her bag with both hands as they waited for the train in silence.

The train cart was half-empty when they entered it and they sat next to each other, studying the numerous ads with utmost interest.

"So when did you start playing the violin?"

"When I was twelve. I picked it in school."

"Must've been a pretty good school if they taught violin there."

"It was the only school in my town and we just happened to have a lot of musicians there, I don't know why."

Alan studied her profile. He noticed that she relaxed a bit more as she spoke on the subject that was familiar. "So I take it you're not from one of the metropolitan cities?"

Michiru finally looked at him, not expecting to be staring straight in his face. Her throat dried up and her tongue turned numb. "No, I'm not."

"How do you like living in New York?"

"I love it. After the initial adjustment." Michiru was not sure if it was her perception, or if their faces really got closer as they spoke. All she knew was that her thoughts left the premises and her mind turned completely blank.

As the train slowed down nearing another station Alan broke the eye contact and stood up, taking her hand once again. "We have to get off here."

Regrettably, Michiru followed. This time she did not look at the hand that warmed up her own, she simply held on to it. Michiru did not notice where they were until she was standing in front of one of the practice rooms Alan led her to. He let go of her hand and opened the door. Michiru walked through the opening and Alan flipped the lights on behind her, closing the door shut. She took her coat off and placed it on a chair and Alan followed her example.

Michiru looked around the cramped room full of an array of instruments. Alan grabbed a violin and a bow and handed them to her.

"Play something for me."

Michiru let out a shallow breath and placed the violin under her cheek. She noticed that it looked a bit different, but paid no heed to it. She closed her eyes for a moment and put the bow to the strings. A classical melody filled the room.

"Brahms. This is good."

She was playing a part of the Violin Concerto. Alan listened to it for a while and then moved away. Michiru, still keeping her eyes closed did not see what he did, so when she felt him grab the violin, she stopped playing on impulse. She opened her eyes and saw him connect a cable to the violin.

"Don't stop."

Michiru continued playing, this time keeping an eye on the songwriter. He smiled wide and flipped on a switch on the amplifier. Michiru jumped from the unexpected unfamiliar sound, but this time she continued to play without stopping. She no longer cared that Alan was in the room. What she cared about was the sound that came out of the speaker, the sound she was producing but not recognizing. It was unfamiliar territory and she felt exhilarated.

Alan smiled and kicked a pedal to her foot. "Now try this."

Michiru put her foot tentatively on the pedal and her violin suddenly gained magical powers. It gained an ability to act as a bass. Her brow high up on her forehead, she played with the different pressure in her foot as she continued playing the piece and she was no longer there. Alan watched Michiru transform. She walked into the room an ordinary student, one he simply wanted to show the meaning of his idea to. Now, he was mesmerized by an etherial beauty that no longer belonged to this world. As though drawn by that etherial force, he walked behind her, out of the way of her instrument and just watched her.

Michiru was too concentrated to notice. What took her out of her trance was a gentle kiss on the side of her neck, the one opposite to where she held the violin. Michiru lowered her bow and slowly turned around. Alan pulled away slightly. "I'm sorry." His voice was barely audible.

Michiru nodded her head slowly, but neither of them moved. She did not know what to do, did not know what she wanted to do, her mind was blank, her body no longer belonged to her. Alan lowered his head back down. "Please stop me."

"Why?"

"It's the only chance you get."

She shook her head briefly and he eliminated the rest of the distance between them. The kiss was very gentle and sweet at first until Alan put a hand behind Michiru's head and brought her in closer, asking for permission to enter and simply doing so as soon as he got a chance. Michiru felt like the heat spread through her body from the pit of her stomach. She struggled to keep holding the violin and the bow and not hug the man she was kissing. He let her go and took a step back, to a safe distance. His hand lingered on her cheek for a shot moment.

"Do you know what I meant now?"

Michiru looked at the instrument and nodded, smiling. "I didn't realize I could do that."

"You can do anything you want, love. Although, you shouldn't do this too often, at least not while you're studying. You may lose your musical ear. Just know that it's out there."

She nodded, still mesmerized both by the musical experience and the personal one. "Can I play again?"

"Aye, you can do whatever you want."

Michiru blushed, taking a completely different meaning to his words, even though she did not know if she was too far off. She brought her instrument back and played around with the sound.

Alan moved their coats to the side and took a seat. He watched the violinist transform again and wondered why he has not seen her that way before. It dawned on him as she played a piece that was completely unfamiliar to him that perhaps Michiru he knew was a front, a young woman that was met with hardships of living in a foreign country, away from her family, away from her friends. Not surprising, then, that she was distant and cold. The woman in front of him right now was nothing alike. The music was full of feeling and it radiated from her, making her look down to earth and etherial at the same time. He could not explain what it was, but whatever it was, it made him fall in love.

**x x x**

Michiru ended up completely losing track of time and only realized that they must have been in the practice room for hours when she saw Alan forcing his eyes to stay open. She looked at her watch and almost shrieked in terror.

"Oh my god, it's one o'clock… the curfew… we're so dead!"

"Don't worry about it, we'll just have to make it past the guard."

"You say it like it's easy."

Alan shrugged and pulled his cellphone out. "Hey, it's me. You're not asleep yet, are you?" He listened to the reply and smiled. "Can you distract the guard for a few minutes?" This time he grimaced. "Aye, I'll owe you a big one."

He hang up and looked at Michiru. "We have five minutes to get back to the dorm."

She nodded and grabbed her coat. "Let's go then."

Alan shook his head and took the coat out of her hands. He held it for her and Michiru hid a smile. She watched him get dressed as well and they made their way back to the dorm. Once there, Alan carefully watched the guard read a newspaper. He checked the time and reached for Michiru's hand. She watched as Kate, the dancer from earlier in the night, waltzed out from the other end of the hallway in nothing but her shorts and tank top. She spoke to the guard and he set the newspaper down. In amazement, Michiru watched as Kate asked for something and the guard followed her down the hall.

"Come on." Alan opened the door and pulled her inside. They both dashed to the staircase to the right of the guard station and made their way up.

"You can't go to my floor, someone will notice."

"I know." He stopped in between their floors and pulled her in. Unexpectedly, Michiru's lips were captured again, only this time she placed both of her hands behind his neck as she responded. It was brief and forceful, both wanting more and both knowing that that was not possible. They pulled away, out of breath, and Alan let her go. "I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Okay." Michiru gave him a wide smile and ran up the stairs. She tiptoed across the hall, making sure that her heels did not make any sound and got inside her room. As soon as the door was securely closed, she leaned against it and let out a sigh.

The light came on unexpectedly and MIchiru was met with suspicious eyes of her roommate. "Where have you been?"

"Practice room."

"Practicing what, exactly?"

"Amanda!"

"What?" Amanda sat up on her bed and folded her hands across her chest. "Are you even eighteen?"

"What?" Michiru was no longer scandalized, now she was utterly confused.

"You know, some freshmen are seventeen, some are eighteen. Which one are you?"

"What does it matter?"

"Well, technically, if you're under eighteen, it's statutory rape and he can go to jail for that. He's twenty, you know."

Now Michiru was flaming red. From fury more so than embarrassment. "Who do you take me for?"

"Chill. I'm just saying for future reference."

"Nothing happened."

"Please, I saw you two watch each other. Something must have happened."

"Nothing like that happened." Michiru threw her purse on the chair and took her coat off.

"So something did happen."

"Are you a detective now?"

"No, I'm your friend." Amanda answered genuinely.

Michiru was taken aback for a moment. "We kissed, that's all."

Amanda's face lit up. "So are you dating now or was it just a casual 'I'm practicing in the practice room' kiss?"

"I-I don't know. He said that we'll see each other tomorrow."

"Well, duh, you see each other every day."

"I guess." Michiru's cheerfulness visibly died down.

Amanda sighed. "I'm sure he meant that he wants to see you tomorrow, not that he will see you in the hallway tomorrow."

"You think?"

Amanda rolled her eyes. "Yes, occasionally." She laid back down and pulled the blanket over herself. "By the way, Mark invited us all to his parents' house in the Hapmtons for Thanksgiving."

"I thought you didn't like Mark and you made fun of where he's from."

"Yes, but that beats staying in the dorm for the whole break. Besides, I never said I didn't like him."

Michiru turned away to change and smiled. She suspected she knew how the holiday at Mark's house would turn out.

**x x x**

_It occurred to me as I lay in bed the night after our first kiss that I knew nothing about Alan. My attraction to him was undeniable, but that was physical and partially emotional, tied into the music. Both his and mine. However, I had no idea who he was. As I went over the events of the day, I counted what I knew about him on my fingers: he was Irish, he studied composition, he was a second year student, he was twenty, he had a brother, and he liked watching some kind of races. That was it. If I indeed was to date someone, that was not nearly enough information. What kind of reputation did he have? Did he fall in and out of relationships easy? _

_The questions kept plaguing my mind most of the night and I did not fall asleep until the early hours of the morning. I honestly don't think that knowing the answers to all of them would have changed anything at the time. Sometimes the mistakes we make happen because we truly think that we are doing the right thing at the time. We never expect that something will change and we will hurt the ones we love. No matter how much we don't want to._

**x x x**

Alan found her at the dining hall the next day. Michiru was munching on some croutons with her soup as he sat across from her.

"Hey beautiful."

"Hi." She looked up at him and as always her heart fluttered.

"What are you having?"

"Minestrone. Would you like some?"

Alan wrinkled his nose. "Nah, I'm gonna go get something else. I'll be right back."

Michiru watched him go to the soup station and pour broccoli and cheddar into a bowl. He grabbed a bottle of water, some saltines and paid for his lunch.

They ate in silence for a few minutes, until Michiru set her spoon down. "I don't know anything about you."

He looked up at her and his spoonful hovered in the air. "What would you like to know?"

"Where are you from?"

"Belfast."

"Is your family still there?"

"On and off. My older brother lives here in the States, our parents travel back and forth. My other siblings are in Ireland."

"How many siblings do you have?"

"I have two brothers and a sister. You?"

"I'm the only child. What do your parents do?"

"They own a pub, it's been in the family for generations. Yours?"

Michiru smiled. "They own an inn, similar circumstances."

"I see. So, I take it the tradition ends with you?"

"Unfortunately. I never knew I had a choice other than continuing the tradition, but my parents told me to pursue my dream, so I'm here."

"You're lucky to have parents that are so understanding."

"Yours aren't?"

He shrugged. "It took me a year after I finished school to convince them that going to school to study music is not a waste of time and money. I guess it would be easier if I had a talent like you. As it is, I just play instruments, but not above average, and I write."

"You do have a talent. You proved it yesterday. What instruments do you play?"

"Guitar, bass, piano, some drums. Pretty much anything I could put my hands on as a kid, guitar was the easiest to find. It helps me to compose. Knowing the instruments, I mean. What do you play?"

"The violin. I can do some piano, but nowhere near as good."

"Well, maybe we should play a duet at some point. Or something for two pianos. Or piano and violin. I mean the possibilities are unlimited."

Michiru laughed. "Sure. Maybe you can help me compose too."

"Maybe I can." Their eyes connected and the conversation died down. Alan cleared his throat. "What else?"

"When did you move to America?"

"When I finished school. I've been visiting my brother since he moved away five years ago. We all have. He came here for school, just like I have, then met a girl and got married. So he stayed. He's an engineer for the State up in Albany."

"What about your other brother and sister?"

"My sister is four years younger than I am, so she's still in school in Ireland. My younger brother is a year younger than you, he's coming to study in Albany next year. Right now my parents are keeping him back at home by force."

"Why?"

"He came here a couple of years ago for the summer and my brother took him up for a NASCAR race near Albany. He's been obsessed ever since. There is this driver he's mad about."

"The one that you wrote the song for?"

"Yeah, that one. The racer was sixteen at the time, a year older than my brother. He struggled for a few races, losing them by a very narrow margin. Then he started winning one by one. He's my brother's hero. In any case, the racer is local, lives in the same region where the racing track is, so my brother found a part-time job bagging groceries just so that he could go there and watch him practice. It's a beautiful little town anyway, sits on the lake with dozens of wineries. I'll take you there some day, you'll love it."

"Did he ever meet him?"

Alan shook his head. "Nope. He was too shy to do it while the kid was training and now he made it big, so I doubt Devin will ever meet him."

"That's so sad."

Alan shrugged. "I don't think so. I think it's inspiring. I mean my brother got average to low grades all the way through the school and now he wants to be an engineer only because he got interested in engines because of the racer. If I ever meet him, I'll thank him." Alan finished his meal and changed the subject. "So, how much of New York have you seen so far?"

"Whatever little I could fit into my schedule."

He rubbed his hands. "Clear up your schedule. I'm going to show the Big Apple to you."

"Okay." Michiru got up and they put away their trays. As they were exiting the dining hall Michiru turned to Alan. "What's his name?"

"Whose?"

"The racer."

"Haruka Tenoh."

Michiru cocked an eyebrow. "That sounds Japanese."

Alan shrugged. "I've seen him. He's as far away from your typical Japanese as you can imagine. Five-eight, blonde hair, greyish-bluish eyes." Alan looked at his companion. "But then again, neither are you, so who knows. Although I do know that he's from around here for a fact."

Michiru dropped the subject as they made their way to the dorms to change. Strangely, the description Alan gave her reminisced of someone Michiru has met before. Or seen before. She just could not put her finger on it.

**x x x**

_It is rather ironic how our existences seemed touch upon each other, unbeknown to us. I mean, what are the chances of us being in the same room on the first day? What are the chances of my boyfriend being a fan and his brother being obsessed with her? What are the chances of me learning so much about her and not knowing anything at all over the years?_


	4. CH 3

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Haruka and Michiru's characters, they belong to Naoko Takeuchi. All other characters and this story belong to me.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**AN:** Thank you to all who reviewed! I know it hasn't been a week, but I'm sure you won't mind :)

_**lostinhersong:**_ I thought about Devin introducing them, but decided against it. Not every fan gets to meet their idol, fiction included.

_**Rukangel:**_ We can argue this issue forever, I do arguments for a living, but this is not the appropriate forum for such discussion. Therefore, I will ignore your outburst and leave it at the following: United States of America are a combination of self-governing entities under the umbrella of one federal government. Though they do not have self-identity like countries within the European Union, every state is different, but all states and territories of the US are little melting pots. If we all started bringing up our cultural backgrounds relative to fanfiction, I am sure I would've lost my head with the first fic.

_**Tenoh and Kaioh: **_Yeah… six years, ten chapters to be exact :P I did mention that this was Michiru-heavy, right?

_**SeraEris: **_Forgive me if I'm wrong, unlike many of you I did not take courses in Japanese, but Haruka is a female and (less common) male name. If I am wrong, I shift the blame on Wiki :)

_**CoOkiE86: **_Tsk tsk tsk. Though shall not sin anymore!

_**petiyaka: **_If you like Michiru experiencing 'new emotions', strap in, it's a long ride :)

_**Mantaray:**_ Second encounter - check

_**Fusionmix: **_Thank you, I am touched…

Back to the story...

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**Chapter 3**

In the next three days Alan and Michiru visited Ellis Island, the WTC site, the Empire State Building, Central Park, the Metropolitan Museum, and even saw a play on Broadway. It was physically exhausting as neither wanted to simply run through the attraction, so they spent exorbitant amount of time at each and every one, including a full day at the Met. Michiru welcomed the fourth day when they were scheduled to go to the Hamptons, if only because she could remain seated on the train.

To her surprise, all six of them gathered to go on the trip. They looked like a weird bunch. Amanda wore tall suede stiletto boots and black suede tailored coat, Michiru wore a white coat and tall brown boots, Alan wore a gray coat over his ripped fitted jeans, Mark wore the same jeans, but with a leather biker jacket, Rob wore dress pants and black coat, and Max wore wide jeans and an extra thick oversized hoodie. Michiru was watching their reflection in the storefront at the Terminal and it almost made her laugh. She wondered if their personalities differed as much as their clothing styles and if they had anything in common other than music.

"Come on, we can board now." Mark led the way to the train. They occupied a full row, Michiru sitting between Alan and Rob and Amanda sitting between Mark and Max. Michiru wondered if her roommate had a chance to see Mark in the past few days. Her thoughts were soon occupied by the landscape outside and she forgot all about her friends. About three hours later they got off the train in East Hampton. Not waisting any time, Mark led them to the parking lot where he unlocked a black Cadillac Escalade.

"Could you be any more stereotypical?" Amanda cocked an eyebrow.

"Yes, I could have something else and make you walk the rest of the way. Actually, it's not that bad of an idea."

Amanda grimaced and climbed in the back row. Mark drove through the town and out, past the enormous mansions that made Michiru look at them with disbelief. Fifteen minutes later Mark pulled into a driveway with automated gates that led to one of the mansions.

"Told you that he's rich and snobbish. Probably spoiled too." Amanda whispered in Michiru's ear from behind.

"Shush." Michiru waved her away.

They got out of the car under a small portico and entered through a wood heavy door decorated with glass. Mark dropped his keys on a stand in the entranceway and walked towards a large staircase. A blonde woman with the same green eyes descended the stairs as they set their bags down on the floor.

"Well, well, well. As always, you bring home the strays."

"It's nice to see you too, mother."

"Mother?" Michiru whispered to Alan, the woman did not look past mid-thirties.

Alan shrugged. Having met Mark's mother before, he knew that her full time job was to make herself look good. That included gym, cosmetic surgery, trendy clothes, and so on. The woman did not care about much, other than herself.

"Hi, I'm Caroline Hoffman." She addressed the group. "Alan, darling, how nice of you to join us again." She winked and Alan faked a smile.

"Couldn't miss an opportunity to see you again, Caroline." He kissed her hand and she pretended to blush.

"This is my girlfriend, Michiru." Michiru did not need to pretend to blush, Alan referred to her as his girlfriend for the first time and it made her heart summersault in her chest. She smiled to Mrs. Hoffman, who returned a rather cool greeting. "This is her roommate, Amanda, and our new bandmates Max and Rob."

Mrs. Hoffman looked at them skeptically, especially at Max, who only glared in return. "Thank you for coming to entertain my son." She ignored the sideways glances the young people sent each other. "Mark, dear, talk to Theresa about the room arrangement. Why don't you kids settle in and then join me in the living room."

"Sure." Mark waved for them to follow, anxious to get out of his mother's way.

"Now I almost feel sorry for you." Amanda whispered to him.

"You haven't seen her drunk yet." Mark shivered at the thought and Amanda patted him on the shoulder.

They all met the housekeeper, Theresa, who was in her early sixties and much more likable than her employer. She showed them to the guest rooms in a wing opposite to the family bedrooms and they settled in. Michiru looked out of the window of the large room she was assigned and sighed. She has not been out of the city since she came in August and she missed the greenery. Granted that there were no rice fields, mountains, or lakes and the trees spread out in the fast fields were void of any foliage, it still reminded her of home. Perhaps because it wasn't a concrete jungle.

Her room was simple, painted in off-white color and furnished with a queen oak bed, night-stands and armoire. There were a few artworks on the walls, mostly depicting country landscapes, and a colorful yellow cover on the bed. Six pillows and matching curtains completed the ensemble.

She heard a soft knock on the door and turned around. "Come in."

Amanda walked in and landed heavily on her bed. "Your room is better, it has yellow!"

"What color is yours?"

"White! It's all white! Like I'm staying in a hospital."

Michiru laughed good-naturedly at her friend's distraught state and sat down next to her. "Would you like to switch?"

"You'd do that for me?"

"Of course! It's just a room."

Amanda hugged her tightly. "That's why I love you. But, we don't want anyone to mix up the rooms later, so no thanks."

"What are you talking about?"

Amanda fell back on the bed. "Well, you know, midnight liaisons."

"W-what kind of liaisons?"

"Oh come on, Michiru, you're not ten. I don't want to fall asleep here and then have your boyfriend walk in on me in the middle of the night."

"He wouldn't!"

"Like hell."

"Amanda!"

"Whatever. We have a rare opportunity to be out of the dorm, of course he'll use it."

"We've been dating for four days!"

"That's between the two of you." Amanda looked at her suspiciously. "You're not a virgin, are you?"

"Amanda! That's completely inappropriate!"

"I'm your friend!" She seemed to be offended.

"So? You're asking me very personal questions!"

"Newsflash! That's what friends do!"

"What are you guys shouting here about?"

They both turned to find Mark in the doorway. "Haven't you been taught to knock?" Amanda snapped.

"I did, you were too busy arguing."

"Sorry." Michiru got up and walked out of the bedroom, ending the conversation.

**x x x**

They had holiday dinner with Mrs. Hoffman and a number of her friends. They learned that Mr. Hoffman was out of the country on business. After what turned out to be a long meal where all six of them were peppered with questions, they could not be any more grateful that the older people decided to retire to the library.

"They just don't want you to see them plastered." Mark explained.

"Thank god!" Max walked to the living room and sat on a wide chair. "Your invitation didn't come with a warning label."

"Nothing in life is for free." Mark winked.

"Like you would know." Amanda pitched in.

"Let's talk about something more constructive." Alan suggested. "Did we figure out when we can practice together?"

"Other than the weekends, only Wednesday nights seem to work for all."

"Okay. I re-wrote the guitar and bass parts and outlined the second bass and drums, you guys should finish them off to your liking." They all nodded in approval. "I also added a violin solo."

"You what?" Michiru turned to her boyfriend who was sitting next to her.

He shrugged. "It comes in after the first verse, the 'aspiration'."

"I'm not sure how that will sound." Rob commented.

"Think Rammstein. Heavy metal and then you get something closer to a fast classical. It's refreshing, unexpected, not boring... or when Metallica did their show with the orchestra."

"Huh. That actually might not be too bad." Max pulled out her drum sticks from her rear pockets and was tapping them on her thighs in rhythm with something that was playing in her head.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Rob confessed.

Mark pulled out his phone and put 'Du Riechst So Gut' on. They all listened, nodding in comprehension.

"They use more than drums and basses though." Max remarked.

"We can make anything with an electronic keyboard too, but I'd like to avoid it for now." Alan answered.

"Why don't we give it a try before we pass judgment?" Mark suggested.

"Would you mind doing that?" Alan turned to Michiru.

"You want me to play with you?"

"Well, duh." Amanda voiced from a corner of the couch.

Michiru was torn between the excitement of trying something as special as being a part of the band, no matter how small, short, or insignificant, and the fear of failure, crowds, and a million other things that could go wrong. Alan felt her dilemma and squeezed her hand. "It'll all be worth it at the very end."

She smiled and nodded. "Okay. Let's try."

"Then let's start when we get back in town, the day after tomorrow."

They all agreed and the conversation took on another track.

**x x x**

It was past midnight when they finally decided to call it a night. Michiru went to her room and followed her nightly routine. She turned off the lights and waited for her eyes to adjust to the darkness to see the outline of the filed outside. The sky was clear and the moon illuminated the vast space behind the house. She was still watching when she heard her door open quietly. Her body tensed, but remembering the earlier conversation with Amanda, she just stood still.

A pair of hands wrapped themselves around her waist, bringing her against a hard body. She felt familiar lips brush her neck. As the welcome sensations spread through her body, she turned around and covered his lips with her own. Alan deepened the kiss and brought her in closer, letting his hands roam around her back. Michiru wrapped her hands around his neck and stood on her tiptoes to relieve some of the pressure off of her neck. Alan felt the tension in her body and picked her up, letting her adjust her legs around his waist. They were running out of oxygen, so he left her mouth and let his lips travel down her jaw to her neck, all the way to her shoulder that was covered by a t-shirt. Michiru's hands traveled across his shoulders and to his chest. He turned around and walked up to the bed, placing Michiru on it and covering her body with his larger one. He supported himself with his elbows as his mouth returned back to hers. He pulled away with the last drop of resistance and looked into her clouded blues.

"Are you sure?"

She raised her head and kissed him deeply, as her hands found the edge of his t-shirt and sneaked underneath, tracing the outline of his bare back. A low growl escaped his throat as he turned on his back, bringing Michiru on top. She was wearing a t-shirt and pajama pants that she customarily used. Alan removed the t-shirt and his hands caressed her exposed breasts. Michiru arched her back as the warm sensation from her nipples spread all the way to her navel. The bottom of her stomach came in full contact with his desire. Alan pulled her up and kissed her savagely. Michiru responded in kind, managing to remove his t-shirt with his help. As their half-naked bodies connected, Michiru felt the desire overwhelm her. She wanted to be closer, much closer… the remaining clothes were in her way and her shaking fingers reached for his belt. Alan moved to the side to accommodate her, while caressing Michiru's hip and kissing her breast.

Blinded by the passion, neither of them noticed another presence in the room until the lights went on and a loud whisper reached their heated minds. "What the hell are you doing?"

Alan instinctively covered Michiru with the cover on the side of the bed and looked up at the uninvited guest. Michiru just froze.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Alan hissed back.

"I can ask you the same question."

"We're not children, Amanda, thanks for your concern."

"You may not be a child, but she barely is an adult."

"Excuse me?" Michiru came out of her shock.

"Were you not the one all offended at a mere suggestion of this earlier today?"

"I changed my mind."

"Four days into a relationship? Are you serious? Mich, you're not some kind of tramp. And you…" Amanda looked at the half-naked man. "… you should have a little more respect for someone you call your girlfriend. Now get out of her room."

"Amanda!" Michiru sat up, holding the cover to her bare chest.

"No, she's right, love." Alan stood up and buckled his belt. "It's too fast, I just… Lost my head, I guess. Sleep tight, I will see you tomorrow." He leaned in and kissed her on the lips, pulling away before the kiss became anything but chaste. He grabbed his t-shirt and walked silently past Amanda.

Michiru, furious, turned to her friend. "Who the hell do you think you are?"

"Don't worry, you'll thank me later, when he doesn't dump you in a month because you were too easy. You may not be a virgin, you may be attracted to him, but I know you well enough to know that you're not a one night stand kind of a girl. Good night, Michiru."

Amanda turned the lights back off and closed the door tightly behind herself. Michiru fell back in bed and banged her head against the mattress. Most likely in the morning she would agree with Amanda, but what was she supposed to do with her needy body right now? She grabbed a pillow and screamed into it, muffling the sound into barely audible one.

**x x x**

Amanda made her way to the bedroom on the other end of the hallway and climbed in bed. She knew men too well not to see it coming, and she truly cared for her friend. Sometimes people needed to be saved from themselves. Her own thoughts disappeared as the door opened and a dark silhouette stepped through.

"Nice speech."

Amanda smiled. "I thought you'd never come."

"For a while there I thought I shouldn't, based on your little lecture."

"That's what you get for eavesdropping."

"You didn't close the door and your whisper was very loud."

"Are you just going to stand there and argue?"

"I thought arguing is what you do best."

"Then you obviously don't know me well enough." Amanda got out of her bed and walked up to her visitor. She did not waste time as her hands found their way around the long neck and her lips were crushed by a warm mouth. She granted access and their tongues began a fight for dominance.

Without letting go of each other, they made their way to the bed and got undressed. As Amanda lay on the bed in all of her naked glory, a trail of small kisses was left from her pierced navel up to her ear. "So I take it you have no issues with being easy?"

"I'm only as easy as you are." Amanda's hand made its way down south and a sharp intake of air broke the silence.

"One day you'll start talking like a normal human being to me."

"Is that an invitation to a relationship?" Her fingers moving, Amanda bit on an earlobe.

"Relationship is an abstract concept."

Amanda bit a little harder. "Then how does fucking your brains out sound for now?"

"Like I'm falling for you already."

Amanda laughed into a hungry mouth, but her mood soon changed as she too felt a hand between her thighs. One that explored her folds with profound knowledge. Amanda quit her teasing and lost herself in a night of passion.

**x x x**

_I understood how fortunate I was during my first break in college. My family was perfect, especially in comparison to some of the others. I had a friend who was not afraid to kick me in the butt when I needed it and who genuinely cared. I had a boyfriend who understood and cared for me as much as I cared for him. I was offered to play with a band. _

_I came back to New York feeling like everything could not be better. Sure I had exams coming and needed to double my efforts, but nothing could put me down. I was literally flying up on a cloud. _

_Sometimes I think that the balance of things in the universe was tipped my way and my soulmate had to pay for it. While I was the happiest, she has been going through the second hardest period in her life, maybe it was the hardest. While my personality developed, propelled by the people that surrounded me, her personality was forcibly altered by others. If there truly is a correlation like that, I wish to never be happy again, I wish for all the troubles that come along my way because I would not bear the knowledge that I make her hurt._

**x x x**

The time between Thanksgiving and the end of the semester was divided between classes, exams, and practice. All five of them were exhausted, both physically and emotionally by the time the last week of December came. The new year and the new semester brought new challenges and new opportunities, so there was a general consensus that recording the song before they went their separate ways for Christmas was the best thing to do. Practice after practice they changed the arrangement, until everybody was satisfied. After the last exam, with three days before Christmas, they all gathered in a recording studio Rob arranged for them to use.

They spent fourty-four hours inside the windowless room. Amanda volunteered to help them out by bringing food and running other errands. They took naps on the couch by the sound board and then went back to work. Alan and Rob worked on the arrangement with the sound technician, who happened to be Rob's cousin. Family relationship was the only way they could find a studio they could afford and one where they would have a technician for as long as they were willing to stay.

Michiru finished her solo for the umpteenth time and left the sound room. She found Amanda curled up on the couch with her head in Max's lap. Max, asleep herself, stirred at the sound of Michiru's quiet footsteps.

"Your sleep is very light." Michiru whispered.

"Yeah, it's a matter of habit." Max pushed her hood back, off of her head, and rubbed her eyes. It was then that she realized that her lap was used as a pillow by someone else. "Here, why don't you take your roomie's head and keep it for now. Maybe you'll be more successful at sleeping."

"No, no." Michiru protested. "She looks so comfortable."

Max grimaced. "I'm not." She squeezed herself out, putting Amanda's head on the couch. Amanda mumbled something in her sleep and turned towards the back of the couch.

Alan came out of the sound booth and took a seat in front of the sound panel. Both Max and Michiru sighed, knowing that this was another break where the guys tried to put the elements together and hope for the best.

"You wanna go grab some coffee?" Max offered.

"Sure."

"Can you get us some too?" Alan moved one of his headphones off.

"Dammit, with that kind of hearing you should've been a spy, not a composer." Max teased as she let Michiru out of the door.

Alan winked at her and returned to his work.

The girls made their way across the street to a twenty-four hour cafe. They took a seat at a small table and ordered coffee.

"This has been so exhausting." Michiru complained.

"It's not different from anything else. Orchestras are the same, you practice as much as the conductor wants you to, only sometimes you wait for others to nail their parts first. Even if you go solo, you're still bound to spend enormous amount of time rehearsing. It's just part of life."

"Is this your second year?"

Max shook her head. "No, third."

"What's your concentration?"

"Composition." She nodded her thanks to the waitress. "Only I don't do the same thing Alan does. I actually do a lot of electronic music. Mixing stuff up. Drums are just a hobby I've had since my dad got me a set at a garage sale when I was a kid."

"Shouldn't you be mixing it in there with them, then?"

She shrugged. "I don't like to get into boys' business."

"It's so surreal. I mean the fact that you play drums as a hobby, Mark plays bass as a hobby and Alan plays guitar only because that's his preferred way to compose… yet you're all recording a song hoping to go pro."

"Our life is all about twists and turns. You may set a goal at the end of a straight line, but you'll never get there without taking detours. I think we all understand that, so if an opportunity comes along, we try it out and then move on if it doesn't work out."

Michiru suddenly felt their age difference even more so than it was in reality. Max was quiet most of the time, but when she spoke she seemed a lot more mature than the rest of them. As though her life experiences made her mature faster. Michiru pondered on what those experiences were, but did not dare ask.

"What's your goal?"

Max smiled. "Currently my goal is to climb in bed and not see you guys for as long as I can."

Michiru chuckled. "Aren't you going back to Canada for the holidays?"

"I'll visit my mother in Montreal."

"What about your father?" Judging by the pain that Max quickly hid behind her usual front, Michiru did step into a dangerous territory. "I'm sorry, you don't have to answer that."

"It's okay. My father is in jail."

"W-why?"

Max rubbed her forehead. Perhaps if she did not go on without sleep for seventy five hours at this point, having taken her final exam last, she would not have shared as much as she did. However, the fatigue affected her judgment. "He killed my uncle. He's serving the last of his five years."

Michiru opened her mouth and closed it again. Five years did not seem enough for a murder, not by any standards. "Why did he kill him?"

Max closed her eyes shut and pinched her nose. "Because the son of a bitch raped me."

It was barely a whisper, yet to Michiru's ears it was like a scream. She stared at the woman in front of her in horror. It explained so many things: the distance Max put between herself and everyone else, the way she was more mature, the way she hid her body that has been violated before.

"I'm so sorry."

"It's been six years. The only thing that really makes me mad at this point is that my father is paying for his brother's sins. The bastard got what he deserved, my father shouldn't be in jail."

"Why is he?" Michiru probed gently.

"Because my life wasn't in danger and he should not have killed him, he should have turned him in to the authorities. An eye for an eye sort of principle. The prosecutor agreed to make a deal for the extenuating circumstances. My father did not feel like taking his chances, so her got five years instead of potential twenty-five. He'll be out in time to see me graduate." Max shook her head. "But that's nothing you should worry your pretty head with, I should've kept my mouth shut."

"I'm not a doll, Max. I have brains and feelings. And I feel for you."

"Thank you." Max moved her hand away from her face and gave Michiru a belated worried look. "Just promise me you won't tell others any of this. Even Alan."

"I promise."

Max nodded and got up. They ordered four coffees to go, paid, and returned to the studio. Alan greeted them with a wide smile.

"I think we got it."

"Really?"

"Aye, take a listen."

They noticed that everybody else, including now awake Amanda, gathered around the instrument panel. Rob pressed the play button and the music began to play. It was a short track, intended to be aired on the radio. It ended in just over three minutes.

"Not bad!" Mark rubbed his hands.

"I think we're all too tired to fully appreciate it right now." Max remarked.

"Well, it is what it is. I'll stay behind and make some CDs so that we can take them with us." Rob offered. "Amanda will scout the labels in California, I'll see what I can do here, and Alan will take some to Ireland."

"I'll also send it out to some recording companies in England, you never know."

"Then we're all set." Mark concluded. "Thank you all very much for lasting as long as you have. Get out of here, have a wonderful vacation and I'll see you losers again in January."

They all ignored him to a different degree and piled out of the room, freshly brewed coffee completely forgotten.

**x x x**

"I thought you didn't want to see anyone for a while." Amanda said as a hand sneaked its way around her waist.

"Let's not spend these last few hours arguing and do something more productive instead."

"Does your brain function around anything other than music and sex?"

"Hardly."

"I can tell."

"Since when do you mind?"

"I don't."

"Is Mich coming back to the dorm?"

"Her flight leaves in four hours, I doubt she'll be there for long."

"Give me a call when she's gone."

"I will."

**x x x**

Michiru took a shower that felt heavenly. She has never pulled an all-nighter before, so the experience of the past two days was new in a number of ways. Right now, though, it almost seemed like a dream. She shut the water off and dried herself. The reflection in the mirror made her grimace. She looked thinner than when she came to New York, her face was paler and large circles found their way under her eyes. Even her aqua hair looked dull. The thought of what her parents would think made her shudder.

She quickly got dressed in a pair of black slacks, t-shirt and a sweater. Despite the fact that she had a long flight ahead, she resisted the desire to travel in her sweatpants. She was taught to look presentable no matter what. Michiru checked on the bags she packed three days before and put the necessities in her purse. Just as she checked her phone for messages, she heard a soft knock on the door.

"Hey, you ready, beautiful?"

"Yes, I think I am."

Alan grabbed her suitcase and they left the room. They ran into Amanda on the way down and the two roommates exchanged hugs and goodbyes. Amanda watched them go and pulled out her cellphone.

Alan and Michiru made their way to the subway and set out on the journey to the airport. With three hours left before Michiru's flight and five hours before Alan's, they were running right on schedule.

"Wait, if you're going to be at the airport, how are you going to get the CDs?"

"Rob will meet me there in a couple of hours."

"I'm sorry for the trouble. You didn't have to go with me."

He brushed her cheek with the back of his fingers. "Sure I did. You're my girlfriend."

**x x x**

Michiru checked her bag in and got her ticket. Alan walked her to the end of the line for the terminal and waited with her. Michiru looked at the long line ahead of her and then to the side.

"I'll be right back."

Alan followed her line of vision to the bathroom on the opposite side of the waiting room and nodded.

Michiru made her way to the restroom, maneuvering between numerous people, and then her way back. In the few minutes that she actually spent at the facilities, it almost felt like the amount of people outside increased. Michiru hurried back to the line. Inadvertently, she ran into someone's side. She steadied herself, preventing a fall and looked at the taller person.

"I'm sorry."

"No problem." The electric current that went through her at the accidental touch and as gray eyes connected with her blue ones was dismissed by Michiru as a side effect of the lack of sleep. The stranger was still looking at her when the grays darted behind her and "Oh crap" escaped the blonde's lips. Michiru watched as the person quickly walked across the room, followed by a dozen of reporters. They finally cornered their prey by the far wall. Michiru shrugged the encounter off and returned to the line.

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah, I just saw a bunch of reporters run after someone."

Alan chuckled. "It's JFK, celebrities fly in and out all the time. If they're unlucky enough to catch attention of paparazzi, well, what can I say, I feel bad for them."

"You know, if that CD gets you anywhere, you'll be a celebrity too."

He gave her a quick kiss on the lips. "We will, love. So if you don't want your life to have a space on the front page of some yellow press periodical, you should get out of this now."

Michiru smiled. "Being a successful musician doesn't sound that bad. Dealing with reporters is just a sad side-effect."

**x x x**

_Despite the fact that I was functioning in a vacuum, I remember that conversation as though it was yesterday. At the time I thought 'how bad can it be?' If people recognized you, that meant that you did well as an artist. That was a good thing, not a bad one. I had nothing to hide, so it did not matter if reporters stalked me and tried to dig up dirt. Well, as I said before, things change._

_Never in my wildest nightmares have I thought that my life would be turned upside down by the yellow press around the world. Because see, when I thought reporters dug into one's life, I was naive enough not to realize that they flipped the truth around to make a story. That the most innocent act can become something that causes earthquakes of disapproval through societies. That in twenty-first century people are still as judgmental as ever. _

_The truth of the matter is, even if I stopped playing my violin from that day forward, I would still be on reporters' radar. First because of my relationship with Alan and the rest of the band, and then because I know I would still meet her. And once I did, no matter if I was famous or not, our lives would still be the chaos that they are. My fame simply sped up the process and added fuel to an already raging fire._


	5. CH 4

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Haruka and Michiru's characters, they belong to Naoko Takeuchi. All other characters and this story belong to me.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**AN:** Thank you to all who reviewed! Here's the regular installment.

_**Tenoh and Kaioh:**_ You really made my day :D Thank you! Sorry to disappoint you though, but you didn't see it coming :P

_**Fusionmix:**_ Thanks - I have my bad days and not so bad days with grammar, I'll keep an eye on it in the future. So what's up with Alan?

_**Amazing: **_Thank you! I hope I won't disappoint (must work hard! Must work hard! :) )

_**lostinhersong: **_I'm aries intensified by the year of the rat. I argue even when I agree with someone just to prove a point that there are two sides to every coin and a lot of people get mad at me because they think that I believe everything I argue for… it's just fun.

_**TDSetsuna: **_Thank you! I am playing with the idea that people may be born one way or the other, but it does not mean that they discover everything at adolescence. So here Michiru is going through a relationship that is natural to her at the time, but then it just no longer seems right… it's simply another path to where we know she will end up. The IAAU2 will also have an interplay of the same idea, only it will be a lot more controversial from my perspective, not as natural… sorry, I'm blabbering. You'll know what I mean once I get there and you read it :)

_**SeraEris: **_Again, thanks for checking out the facts for me. For all the rest of you - we settled on an agreement that since Michiru has never seen Haruka's name spelled out (other than in English), she will not have a basis to question the gender.

_**petiyaka:**_ An early post for you to occupy a rainy evening :)

_**Rukangel: **_I will make Amanda's date a lot more obvious in this chapter and the ones to follow.

_**Mantaray: **_So Michiru's input has a particular purpose which I won't reveal 'till the very end because I'm that evil (and because there are two alternatives and I am yet to pick one :p )

I don't think I forgot anyone, so without further adieu...

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**Chapter 4**

Two weeks apart flew by and dragged slow at the same time. Michiru was very happy to visit her family and even fell back into her old routine, but too soon she had to go back. On the other hand, she did not realize how much she would miss Alan until she did not see him every day like she was used to. Every night she would chat with him on the computer, even though that took part of his day because of the time difference. Neither seemed to mind, neither wanted to go on without talking to each other. Communicating that way created new opportunities. They had much more time to talk about themselves and not about daily troubles. Their presence back at home helped as well. Memories popped into their heads and they would share them on the spot, learning so much more about each other.

When Michiru came back to New York in the middle of January, she felt like she knew Alan through and through and it made her fall in love with him only that much more. She walked into her room to find Amanda frantically looking for something.

"What are you doing?"

Amanda turned around, spreading her arms wide. "Hello to you too, Mich! Happy Holidays, it's so nice to see you again!"

"You don't have to be sarcastic." Michiru set her bags on the floor. "You know I missed you and I'm happy to see you and I sent you a card for the holidays."

"Sorry, I'm just really mad at myself. I got a call back from one of like a million of recording companies I personally left the CD with and I wrote down the name of the person we're supposed to call back… and now I can't find it."

"Wait, you got a call back? Does that mean that someone liked the song?"

"A lot of people liked the song, it's the only company willing to take the risk. I mean, seriously, they don't even have a band name."

"They do." It was something Michiru learned during her conversations with Alan.

Amanda stopped what she was doing and looked at her. "What is it?"

"Paradigm."

Amanda laughed. "Let me guess, Alan came up with that one. Figures."

Michiru shrugged. "I think it fits."

"It does, that's why it's funny." Amanda went down on all fours and inspected the floor. "Found it!" She grabbed a piece of paper from underneath the night stand and came back to her feet.

"So, what now?" Michiru quizzed.

"Now we wait for your boyfriend to get back."

"That's tomorrow!"

"Chill, it'll be fine."

"Can't we give this to your boyfriend?"

Amanda's eyes widened slightly. "I don't have a boyfriend, Mich."

"Sure, you just disappear randomly all by yourself."

"You can think whatever you want, but I don't have a boyfriend."

"A girlfriend then?" Michiru's eyes sparkled with amusement.

"Michiru!" Amanda pursed her lips. "No, I don't have a girlfriend either. I'm not in a relationship!"

"Uh huh. You keep telling yourself that."

"Since when did you start talking like that?"

"Since I met you." Michiru responded nonchalantly.

"This is ridiculous, I'm going out for coffee. BY MYSELF!" Amanda grabbed her purse, stuffed the piece of paper in it and left the room.

Michiru just shrugged.

**x x x**

Amanda did not know why it mattered so much, but the little argument she just had with Michiru unnerved her. She was fighting tears as she walked down the street, without even knowing where she was going. A hand grabbed her as she passed someone and a familiar voice inquired gently.

"What's wrong, Mandy?"

Amanda gave up and buried her face in a comfortable shoulder. "What are we?"

"What do you mean?"

"I had this stupid argument with Mich because she suspects I'm dating someone, but I'm not. Am I?" She felt both arms wrap around her back in a comforting embrace.

"Would you like to? Do you want to be an official couple? Do you want everyone to know? What will it change? Stop me when I say something you do want."

Amanda shook her head against the shoulder. "I don't care who knows or who doesn't. I just want to know where we stand."

"Uh… We're standing at the corner of West 67th and Columbus."

Amanda hit her lover's back playfully. "Smart ass."

"Listen, we're the ones who choose where we stand. You were the one who changed the subject of relationships into one of sex. If you want more than that, you just need to say so. Come on, Mandy, we've been together for two months. It's nothing to be crying your pretty eyes out about."

Amanda looked up. "I care for you."

She got a smile in return. "Would I be hugging you in the middle of a busy street if I didn't care about you?"

Amanda answered that question with a kiss that was returned to her with even more passion. Neither of the two cared as people passed them on both sides. In the end, they were in New York.

**x x x**

They sat around a table in a sushi restaurant, celebrating Rob's Birthday and their reunion. It was the day after Alan got back.

"So we've got two hits. One thanks to Amanda in LA and one in UK. We still have to call the LA office and see what they're offering. The label in UK is offering us a one-year contract. It's good as opposed to nothing, it's bad in a sense that we're still in school. The amount of work they'll want us to put in within that year will not allow us to study. They already mentioned that they'd expect us to do a full CD by the end of the year and renewal of the contract will be predicated on how well that CD does." Alan took a breath and continued. "The other consideration is where we want to concentrate our forces. UK's labels are well known throughout the world, but we're in the States and we're not leaving at least for another year and a half until we graduate. I'd much rather prefer something we can work on in our own backyard."

"UK labels have offices here, we can still record locally." Mark put it.

"Yes, but then there's marketing, live shows… that would have to be country-specific. Which brings another point. We've never done anything live, not outside of that party. How does everyone feel about doing a gig?"

"We only have one song." Max observed.

"For now, yes. We can make that song known well enough and then use it as a ticket for our next performance."

"There's a battle of the bands in Long Island this weekend. We can enter just for the heck of it." Rob suggested.

"Let's do that then."

"This band business will be trickier and trickier as we get to the end of our time here." Mark rubbed his temples. "I'm doing an Opera in a month."

"I have a performance at the end of the semester too." Max mentioned.

"What are you going to perform on? Drums?" Amanda cocked an eyebrow.

"No, I'm working with Kate on a performance through the dance department. She's a great choreographer if you haven't noticed, and I'm a composer."

Amanda furrowed her brow. "I didn't realize you knew Kate that well."

"We all know Kate very well. She's been choreographing the whole student body for the past three and a half years." Alan explained. "She's organized numerous events, including the party where we got together. She's a bit much as a personality, but she is a very talented artist."

"Agreed." Max sipped on her pop. "Which is why we're doing our graduating performance together. So you can pretty much count me out for April and May, I'll be dead meat, but I will make it up during the summer."

"Aye, that's when we could practice, record, and play live three months in a row. That should be good."

"I feel like you guys are getting yourselves into too much too early." Michiru spoke quietly.

"If it breaks us down, better now than later." Max winked at her.

**x x x**

Within a month Paradigm became an official four-member band under a small California label. The initial term of the contract was for one year, but the requirements were a lot less stringent than those offered by the UK label. Paradigm agreed to record three additional songs in the span of a year, each of which would be made for release as a single. The label would do modest promotion for the band, primarily setting them up with time on the air and performing live as an opening band for a number of performances around the country, mostly in the summer. The amount of money that the band members would receive under the contract was almost laughable, but none of them looked at it as a moneymaking machine. It was image making.

Michiru signed a release, giving the rights to her performance on the first track to the band and the label and it was agreed that she would perform as a guest member, not a full-time one. Alan was adamant about her concentrating on her studies at the Juilliard and not on jumping the wagon of quick fame.

A performance at the Lincoln Center was held in the middle of February. Michiru and Amanda, dressed in evening gowns, were escorted there by Alan, dressed in a suit, and Mark, dressed in a tux. They met up with the rest of the crew in the lobby. Alan and Mark just took care of the coats when the others found them.

"So Mark, are you ready to blow us away?" Rob nudged him in the side.

Mark, on the other hand, just stood there with his jaw hitting the floor. Amanda, Alan and Michiru followed his gaze and felt their own mouths open.

"M-Max?" Michiru stuttered. Max was wearing a black cocktail dress and matching shoes that even added a couple of inches to her height. Her long hair was styled elegantly in the back.

"Don't get used to it."

"She's a girl!" Mark finally found his vocal chords.

"Hardly." Amanda whispered under her breath.

"Yes, it is too bad I lost that bet." Max shrugged. "I would've loved to see you sing opera in your underwear."

"What was the basis for the bet?" Alan mused.

"He said we'd sign a contract before his performance, I said it wouldn't happen. Judging by the fact that people are staring at me, I lost." Max retorted.

"Sorry, Max, I'm happy we did… otherwise, who knows, I might have never seen you in a dress." Alan smiled.

"You keep your eyes on your own gown-clad girlfriend."

"Yes, ma'am." Alan smirked and wrapped his hand around Michiru, bringing her closer.

They made their way to the seats and watched their fellow students populate the stage after the curtain was drawn. It was the first performance Michiru had an opportunity to attend, despite the fact that there were hundreds of performances every semester. She was curious for one, and then she was strangely excited because the people on stage, people that seemed so remote from the audience, in another world, were the people she knew.

Michiru's thoughts were wiped clean as a tenor began to sing. With wide eyes she stared at Mark. She has heard him sing. She has heard him sing on stage, during practices, and in that fourty-four hour recording. Yet, she had no idea that he had this voice. It was so different, as though the man on stage was a stranger, not her boyfriend's best friend. She turned to Alan and saw a proud smile grace his lips. He knew Mark's talents all too well and he intended to use them as an element in their band career, no matter how short-lived. Unexpected was his paradigm.

**x x x**

A couple of days after the performance, Michiru was celebrating Valentine's Day with Alan. They went to a small restaurant and then walked along the Chelsea Piers. Neither of them cared for the chilly February wind that came from the bay down the Hudson. Michiru looked around the warehouses that surrounded them on both sides and shivered.

"This isn't the most romantic place, you know."

Alan walked to the end of the pier and sat down, taking the guitar he was wearing off of his back. "It was the closest to the dorms I could come up with."

"What for?"

"I wanted you to watch the water."

"Okay." Michiru looked on the concrete surface under her feet that was covered in salt residue and decided against sitting down.

Alan got the guitar out of the case and started to play a soothing melody.

_The surface of the water_

_Grazed only by the wind_

_So calm, a peaceful notion_

_Though wave should be a hint_

_My eyes stare at horizon_

_Unsure of what they see_

_Then burning circle rises_

_And colors the blue sea_

_Her eyes the color of an ocean_

_I see as clearly as day_

_I reach for them and touch the surface_

_But find the bottom of the sea - it's clay_

_My hand back at my side in seconds_

_I stare into the sea again_

_A gust of wind picks up some water_

_I catch it to prevent the pain_

_The particles of water soothe me_

_Reminding me of her fresh scent_

_Completely mesmerized that moment_

_I don't see the clouds descend_

_Her eyes the color of an ocean_

_I see as clearly as day_

_I squeeze my eyes to bring her closer_

_I wish I could be near today_

_The wind picks up and chills me to the bone_

_I almost feel it's warning me away_

_I stand my ground strong_

_Unwilling yet to leave the bay_

_As though to make me change my mind_

_The clouds just condense and lower_

_The first large drop of rain falls in my hand_

_And I succumb to greater power_

_Her eyes the color of an ocean_

_I see as clearly as day_

_Who knew that heart's desire_

_Could make me fall an easy prey_

_Her eyes, ones color of an ocean,_

_They mesmerize me every day_

_I long for her complete devotion_

_The moment our hearts as one lay. _

His fingers brushed the last accord and he just stared at the surface of the water. Michiru squatted next to him and caught his lips with her own. Alan put the guitar back in the case without breaking the kiss and brought Michiru in his lap. He caressed her body through the coat and she almost suffocated him in her embrace.

"I love you, Mich." He whispered between the kisses and she opened her eyes, smiling into his mouth. The eyes he loved so much.

"I love you too."

No more words have been exchanged as they just sat there, enjoying a rare moment alone.

**x x x**

Amanda also had a date, only she did not get a song as a present. She got a white gold pendant with interlocking "A" and "M." To her, it was manifestation of their relationship much more than a song ever could be.

Both roommates made their way back to the dorm, both upset by the fact that they were roommates for the first time. It would have been so much easier if they did not live on campus.

**x x x**

Spring break came too quickly. Knowing that they had only a week to enjoy before the end of the semester and then a hellish summer ahead, Alan invited Michiru to come to Albany with him. Despite the anxiety of meeting his family, Michiru agreed.

They took the train from Penn Central and chatted as the spring landscape zoomed past them. Getting further into the country reminded Michiru of home. She was not sure what she expected to see when they got there, she was just too nervous to think about it. A tall man with reddish hair and brown eyes met them at the station. If she did not already know, Michiru would have never guessed that they were brothers.

"And you must be the lovely Mich." He brought her into a hug. "I'm Kevin."

"Nice to meet you." Michiru could not help but smile.

"Where's Linda?" Alan asked as they made their way to the car.

"She's making lunch. Ally and Dan have been a handful, so she decided not to torture you with the cries of toddlers in the car. You'll get enough of it during the week."

"Ally and Dan are their two-year-old daughter and three-year-old son." Alan explained.

They got into a silver minivan and Alan drove towards the suburbs. As Michiru looked around, she was met with the two-story America. Vast lawns, single-family houses, and street-facing garages. No matter how much she felt not at home in the concrete jungle, the suburbs made her feel worse. Kevin pulled into the driveway of a white cape cod styled house and killed the engine. He grabbed Michiru's bag and showed them inside. They entered through a side door, straight into the kitchen.

A young woman in her mid-twenties was making a salad on the kitchen island.

"Hey, Linda!" Alan picked her up and twirled her around. Linda laughed, putting her dirty blonde chin-length hair back behind her ears.

"Hey Alan. Long time no see!"

"I know, I'm sorry… Been a bit busy."

Kevin waved a finger at him. "You can never be too busy for your family."

"I'm sorry, brother. I'll make it up to ya."

"Deal." Kevin turned to Michiru. "And this lovely young lady is Michiru. This is my wife Linda."

The women greeted each other and Linda went back to her salad. "Lunch is almost ready. You should settle in and then you can catch us up on your life."

"Where are my niece and nephew?" Alan cocked an eyebrow at the strange absence of any noise.

Linda looked up quickly at Kevin. "They're in the living room."

"You left them alone?" Alan kicked his shoes off and made his way to the living room and Kevin and Linda hid their smiles. Michiru followed Alan.

They walked through a formal entrance hall with a straight staircase that led upstairs and into a living room that occupied almost the full half of the house. The two children were playing on the floor and a flaming red-headed teenager sat next to them. His blue eyes looked up to the couple and a mischievous smile spread across his lips.

"Devin, what are you doing here?" Alan's voice was almost warning.

"Surprise!" Devin got up to his feet and gave a still stunned Alan a heartwarming hug.

"Are you intentionally trying to get on their nerves?"

"Oh come on, brother, it's for St. Patty's. Ma was the one who suggested it."

"I'm sure she was." Alan shook his head in disapproval.

Devin shook his head and took a few steps back. His eyes fell on Michiru and he forgot all about his argument with Alan. "Hi, I'm Devin."

"I'm Michiru."

"Which kingdom is she from?"

"What?"

"She looks like a princess, she must be from a kingdom!"

Michiru blushed and Alan shook his head. "You're so lame."

"Speaking of lame, will you take me to the tracks tomorrow? Kev is too busy at work and Linda is too busy with these two." Devin pointed to the two kids that now were playing with the hem of Michiru's coat.

"Dev, I came here to spend time with family and my girlfriend, not to chase your hero."

"Don't have to chase him. You guys can go to the park while I go to the tracks! I heard he's back in town… Please?"

"Fine, we'll go to the lake. On the condition that I will not hear anything about racing until we're in the car on the way there."

Devin zipped his mouth. "I promise."

"Let me get your coat, you must be baking in there." Kevin made his way out of the kitchen and helped Michiru out of her coat.

"Devin is already set up in the extra bedroom upstairs. Mich, you will stay in the guest room on the first floor. Alan, you have a choice of bunking with Devin or the couch in the rec room in the basement."

"Is that even a question? I'll take the couch over a night of racing history any day."

Kevin showed Michiru to her room as the two younger brothers bickered. After a house tour they all had lunch, when Alan, indeed, told them all about the past semester and the success of Paradigm.

"You should've brought your bandmates with you."

"I don't think your house is set up to accommodate that many people. Besides, I see them too much as it is. I want some peace."

"You came to the wrong house then." Linda commented as her son flew into her lap. She picked him up and set him in her lap. "Is there anything specific you guys want to do? Other than the parade?"

Alan shrugged. "I didn't make any plans."

"Just take it easy, that's all." Kevin suggested.

After lunch they went for a walk around the subdivision and then settled in in front of the TV. After watching a movie they all helped Linda make dinner and continued on with their conversations. Since the household was on small children schedule, they retired just past nine o'clock.

Michiru lay in the double bed, thinking of the similar visit she had to Mark's house. Despite her original apprehension, she liked Alan's family a lot. They were friendly and down to earth. She played with the kids while watching the movie and felt like she was a part of a large family. Something she has never felt before, being an only child.

She reached for her phone and checked the time. It was 10:23. She lay in bed for almost an hour and the sleep did not come. Michiru got up and tiptoed out of the guest room. The house was completely quiet and dark, illuminated only by the night lights plugged into the outlets in the hallway. She made her way to the kitchen and got a glass of water. Her eyes fell on the door that led to the basement. Setting her glass aside, Michiru quietly pulled it open and looked into the darkness. She could see the outline of a staircase. Using the handrail for support, she stepped down and closed the door behind herself. Michiru made her way down and found herself standing in an open space. A pool table sat parallel to the staircase and she could see the outline of a pullout couch behind it. She made her way to the couch and sat on the edge.

"M-Mich? What are you doing here?" Alan sat up, almost bumping into her forehead.

"Same thing you did at the Hamptons."

"This is my family's house…"

"I guess you better be quiet then." She teased as her lips found his.

Alan fought the voice of reason in his head and finally gave up as silky tongue slipped into his mouth. He grabbed Michiru by the waist and brought her on top of him. There was a house full of people, but there was no Amanda. Both knew that no one would stop them today. No one would get in the way of their passion.

**x x x**

Michiru did not know what time it was when she woke up. The basement did not have any windows, so natural light did not illuminate the space. She could, however, hear voices and footsteps above her head in the kitchen. Under her head a heart beat steadily.

She turned her head and looked into blue eyes void of sleep. "Morning."

"Good Morning, love." Alan kissed her and Michiru moved her body closer. "Careful there, unless you want to go for thirds."

She smiled into the kiss. "It's your family on top of us, not mine."

"Right." Alan flipped Michiru on her back, made a trail of kisses from her jaw down to the belly button and got up.

"That's unfair."

"Tell me." Alan put his jeans on and pulled a clean t-shirt over his head. "Now, are you ready to face the family?" His eyes roamed pointedly over her naked body.

Michiru pulled a sheet over herself. "I'll just stay here for a while."

Alan shook his head. "I smell pancakes, that means breakfast." He picked up her pajamas from the floor and handed them to her. "Come on, they won't bite you."

Michiru put on her clothes and followed Alan upstairs. She could not even start to describe the amount of shame she felt if someone was to ask. Alan opened the door and stepped into the kitchen that was brightly lit by the sun.

"Morning."

"Morning, how did you sleep?" Kevin set the teapot down and turned to face him. It was then that he noticed Michiru behind his brother. "Or not."

Linda gave them a brief glance as she flipped the pancakes. "You could've told me from the beginning, it would've been more comfortable to sleep in a double bed than that rackety couch."

And that was the end of it. No one has ever mentioned the fact that they slept together again.

**x x x**

They were driving Linda's Honda Civic down the Interstate, listening to a local radio station when the all too familiar song began to play. Michiru jumped in the passenger seat and turned her torso to Alan.

"Oh my god! You're on the radio!"

"We're on the radio, Mich. We are." Alan cracked up the volume and the three of them listened to the song that seemed only fitting.

"Do you have a CD on you?" Devin asked Alan from the back seat.

"I do." Michiru answered. She has been carrying a copy since they recorded it, just in case. "Why?"

"I was just thinking that it would be awesome if I could give one to Haruka. I mean you wrote it for him, and it will give me a reason to come up to him." Devin's eyes shone with excitement.

"It's not official or anything, it's just a copy of the track we made originally." Alan warned. The CDs they sent out to the recording companies had nothing but a white label with the name of the band and the song on it.

"Who cares? I just need an excuse!"

"Okay, sure." Alan chuckled.

The ride took three and a half hours and Michiru was glad that they woke up before seven. Having left the house by nine, they still had most of the day ahead of them. Alan pulled in the parking lot of Watkins Glen International and killed the engine.

"Do you want to take a look around?"

"Sure." Michiru unbuckled her seatbelt. "I keep hearing about it, might as well know what you're talking about."

They walked across the mostly empty parking lot to the information center. Devin wanted to run straight to the side of the track, but Alan reasoned that asking where he could find the racer would be faster. A middle-aged woman sat behind a desk inside the building. Devin quickly walked up to her and caught her attention.

"Hi, could you tell me where I can find Haruka?"

The woman looked up at him skeptically. "Not here. You can find the public relations phone online."

"B-but I thought he was here until the end of the week."

"Sorry, kid. Racers come here for the competitions, they don't habitually hang out around here for their fans to stalk them."

"I wasn't stalking -"

"That's enough." Alan put a hand on Devin's shoulder and looked cooly at the woman. "Thank you." He turned Devin around and made him follow.

Devin looked like he was about to cry. "But all I wanted to do was say hello and give him the CD. I've been watching him here for two years and when I finally get enough courage to walk up to the guy, he's gone? Why is life so unfair?"

"I'm sorry, Dev." Alan wrapped his hand around his brother's shoulders. "You'll get another chance."

"No I won't. I missed it. Now he's unreachable. Famous, popular, with nothing to stop him. He'd probably laugh about the song either way. It's all so stupid."

"So you're a fan of Haruka's?"

They turned around to see a stocky man in his mid-fifties standing on the side of the building, smoking a cigarette. His once black hair was almost gray and the beer belly hid the fact that he was once in a top shape quite well.

Devin blinked his tears away and shook his brother's arm off. "I am. Is he here?"

The man shook his head. "Sorry, kid. Haruka's training for the European Grand Prix in Germany. Hasn't been home since December."

Devin's hope died away completely. The man threw the cigarette in a receptacle and walked up to them. "I'm Charlie Tenoh, I keep this place running."

"Alan Carey, this is my brother Devin and my girlfriend Michiru." Alan introduced, shaking the man's hand.

"So, are you related to Haruka?" Devin asked like an excited child.

Charlie smiled. "I'm Haruka's father. Was there something you wanted to pass on?"

"Yeah, my brother is a songwriter and he wrote this for Haruka. I just wanted him to know." Devin pulled the CD out of the pocket of his jacket and extended it to Charlie. "I probably should write something to explain."

"I have pen and paper in my office, so that's not a problem. Follow me."

They followed him inside a different building to a small office behind a glass wall. It was furnished with a desk, three chairs and a couple of bookshelves. Most prominently, the back wall supported numerous shelves that held an assortment of trophies.

"Are those Haruka's?"

Charlie nodded proudly. "Yes, they are seconds and thirds. Sh- Haruka didn't want to keep them, coming second for a long stretch was challenging."

"How long has he been racing?" Alan asked.

"Haruka grew up here. I mean literally, here at the circuit. I make sure that this joint is running. I mean, maintenance, technological advances, you know, keep it in with time. Haruka's been car crazy since the first race. Raced carts since legs were long enough to reach the pedals. Started driving at twelve in the country roads, at fourteen here on the tracks when no one was looking. I mean no one who would worry about liability. We put the first car together. Then Haruka turned sixteen, and it all went down hill from there. Too much pressure, too much decision-making for a teenager." They had no idea what he was talking about, but listened attentively nonetheless.

"Then the real racing began. Haruka did really well on the first few, taking firsts, and then hit a patch. Would come up second, losing by a narrow margin race after race. Frustrated all of us to no end, but of course, mostly frustrated Haruka." Charlie's eyes found a trophy from a second place almost a year ago. "After this one Haruka made the decision to quit."

Devin gasped audibly. Charlie looked at him and then at the picture of his family of four on the desk. None of his visitors could see it at that angle. "Then life got harder and Haruka did a 180. Came back in September, trained day and night, went for qualifiers and got a contract. That's the story in a nutshell for you. Not nearly as glamorous as most people think it was."

"I think that such determination and persistence is admirable."

"You're a wise lady." Charlie smiled and pulled out a pad and a pen. "Here, write whatever you want I'll send it off with our things next week. Even famous people need support, more so than you may think."

They digested on his wisdom as Devin wrote a letter to Haruka. Devin thanked Charlie profusely and they left, deciding to go for a walk around the circuit since they were already there.

"I mean, I understand why he has to train. He was racing regular cars here, now he's doing Formula One, you know what kind of shape you need to be in to do that? It's like you are part of the car, you have to be as good as the car. He probably spends as much time exercising as he does practicing. Oh man, I wish I could see that."

"Devin, are you in love?"

"What?" He stared at his brother with round eyes.

"You keep blabbering like a young girl after a first date."

"Whatever, you're a jerk." Devin shut up, making Alan somewhat regret his words.

They toured the circuit and then had lunch at a restaurant on Seneca Lake. Then they drove to Watkins Glen State Park and spent an afternoon there. By the time they returned home Kevin and Linda already went to bed.

**x x x**

_While I listened to Haruka's story and then watched Devin write that letter, I kept thinking about how ordinary people turned celebrities overnight. At least that is what the common notion is. Once you make it up there, once you reach your goal, you forget all the difficulties you went through, all the times you wanted to give up along the way. At least most of us forget that. It really touched me that Haruka's father did not try and make it sound even more magical. I've met a lot of parents who think that their children are the best in the world for many reasons and then if those children do achieve something, the parents make it look like it just happened. Like their children are so great that they did something without moving their precious finger. It just came to them._

_Charlie wasn't like that. Charlie was the voice of reason, an encouragement and a warning at the same time. Yes, anything is possible, but you have to lose some to gain some. I had no idea what Haruka had to lose to get the F-1 contract. I had no idea what Haruka had to lose to even make the decision to become an F-1 racer._


	6. CH 5

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Haruka and Michiru's characters, they belong to Naoko Takeuchi. All other characters and this story belong to me.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**AN:** Thank you to all who reviewed! A day early just because it's raining here and I don't feel like studying anymore :P

_**SeraEris:**_ Actually, it's not a diary, but I won't tell you what it is… you'll find out eventually :)

_**Tenoh and Kaioh:**_ The characters will become more familiar as we progress (I sure hope so).

_**KaE: **_ Thanks! I agree, it makes more sense to me too :)

_**Mantaray: **_Oh there is a lot more torture for the blonde behind the scenes, but it's okay because I'll make Michiru suffer too :) I know, I'm terrible

_**petiyaka: **_I think Haruka is just a hero for Devin, it's also just a stage of life for him. Haven't we all had one?

_**caty306: **_Thank you, and yes, I know how you feel. I re-read the chapters before I post them and then I just want to keep on reading… too bad life intervenes.

_**Jay:**_ Thanks! By the way, there's a character in this story (in this chapter) whose name is Jay. No relation though :)

I'm done blabbering…

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**Chapter 5**

The remainder of the school year flew by. Soon Michiru found herself sitting with her friends for Max's graduation. Amanda and her were no longer freshmen and one of their own was moving on. It felt strangely nostalgic and exciting at the same time. They listened to the speech of an invited guest who reminded them of what artists truly did for their communities. After that the procession began. They watched their fellow classmates walk across the stage wearing robes and tams.

"Maxine Du Bois."

Michiru's ears perked up as her friend walked up the stage. She turned from Alan to Amanda, both had the same baffled expression on their faces. Michiru voiced what all five of them were thinking. "Maxine?"

"You have to admit, it sounds important." Amanda whispered back.

"I don't think anything fits Max better than just 'Max'."

"I think she agrees with you." Alan noted.

They sat through another forty minutes of the ceremony before it was officially over and Max was no longer their fellow student. Michiru watched with a warm smile on her lips as Max was being congratulated by a man whose short hair was showing streaks of gray too early for his age and a dark-skinned woman with a long, thick braid. Two mysteries were solved that day for Michiru: Max's full name and her ethnicity. Max's features never gave away her race, it was her skin tone a few shades away from mocha and the texture of her black hair. Michiru shook off her thoughts as they approached the happy, newly reunited family.

After the introductions they had a celebratory dinner and discussed Max's plans for the future.

"Are you coming home with us?" Her father asked.

She shook her head. "I signed a contract with the band, I'm staying for at least a year." She noted his sadness and smiled encouragingly. "But I will visit as much as I can and you guys are always welcome to come."

Her mother patted her father on the hand. "Where are you going to live?"

"Eh… well, that's something we need to discuss." She looked at her friends. "I've been looking at apartments around the city, in the borrows and in New Jersey. The best I could come up with, i.e. something where I don't risk getting mugged every time I walk home, don't have to spend ridiculous amount of time on commute and so on and so forth is a three-bedroom apartment on Columbus Ave. How would you guys like to live together?"

They all stared at her. Alan found his voice first. "Are you talking about the five of us living in the same apartment?"

She shook her head. "Nope, the six of us."

"You're nuts!" Mark remarked.

"Worse things have happened. Look at the bright side. You won't have to live on campus, but you'll be just as close to it. Once we start working next week, it will benefit us to be close, for practice purposes and so on."

"That's the point." Rob interjected. "We're going to see each other too much as it is, can you imagine living together in addition to that? We'll hate each other in a month!"

"Or we will work it out and live happily ever after."

Mark visibly shivered. "Sharing bathrooms with three girls."

"Comes with two full baths and one half bath. We can divide boys v. girls."

"Wait, how do Michiru and Amanda fit into this?" Rob asked.

Max shrugged. "Six thousand a month divides perfectly between six people."

"Jesus Christ, you want us to pay a thousand dollars a month, each?" Rob's eyes bulged out.

"That's what you're paying at school!"

"It includes a meal plan!"

"We'll cook together." Amanda offered.

"Can we see it before we make any judgments?" Michiru asked.

"I made an appointment for tomorrow at two."

**x x x**

They visited the apartment on the fifth floor. Two spacious closets occupied both sides of the entryway with a living room, kitchen and dining area to the right. Three bedrooms lined up next to each other opposite the entry and two bathrooms were located across from the farthest bedroom. The half bath was tucked in between the bathroom and the walk-in closet by the entry. Another walk-in closet was located at the end of the hall, between the farthest bedroom and the farthest bath. They walked around the fourteen hundred square feet apartment and it felt like penthouse to them. The living room itself, almost twenty feet in each direction, was a luxury compared to their cramped rooms at the dorms. The abundance of closets in every room and out in the hallways ensured that none of them would have to share. The kitchen was recently redone and the modern cherry cabinets and stainless steel appliances made Amanda's eyes shine. She has been a fan of healthy eating her whole life and gourmet cooking was a hobby.

Alan and Mark were impressed by the large windows throughout the apartment, it kept a promise of brightening their mood every sunny day. Rob was impressed with the amenities the building itself provided. There was a fitness center and a rooftop deck overlooking Central Park.

"So, what do you think?" Max probed as all of them assembled in the living room.

"I love it."

"I like it."

"We've got problems with three bedrooms."

"No, we don't." Michiru put in quickly. "Alan and I will share one."

"Michiru!" Amanda's eyebrows were up on her forehead.

"If you don't feel comfortable doing the same, you can stay with Max, Rob and Mark can share the third bedroom. I'm not a child, Amanda, I can make my own decisions."

"O-kay." Amanda bit on her lower lip. "I'm in."

"Makes two of us." Michiru smiled.

"Obviously I'm not going to say 'no' to that." Alan smirked.

"Well, I don't want to bunk with someone I don't know and since my roommate is leaving me, I'll follow like a lost puppy." Mark gave in.

They all looked at Rob. "I'm not gonna be the odd man out, but as soon as we start having issues, I'm pulling out first."

"Like a rat descending the sinking ship." Amanda smiled lopsidedly.

"Always with the snide remarks." Rob grimaced. "Let's make a new rule. Every time Amanda makes one of her remarks towards one of us, she cooks for a week."

"You know, that might be the smartest thing I've ever heard you say!" Mark rubbed his hands excitedly.

"Am I going to regret this decision?" Amanda asked no one in particular.

Max looked at the leasing agent and they walked into the kitchen where the contract lay on the counter.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" He looked at her, giving her the last chance out. "Even though their names go on the lease, if they breach, we're going to go after you. You're the main tenant."

"Yeah, I got it." Max grabbed a pen and removed the cap with her teeth. "Yo, peops, I need your full names as they're written on your official documents."

"Alan Carey."

"Mark A. Hoffman."

"Michiru Kaioh."

"Amanda L. Johnson."

"Roberto Alagna."

They looked at him briefly. "Another one?" Amanda bit on her lip before another snide comment left her lips and she got herself in a week of kitchen duty.

Max signed the contract and gestured for them to come. "Sign next to your names."

After they all signed the contract, the leasing agent left them to make a copy. Max looked at the two sets of keys she held in her hand. "I guess we'll need four more."

"I'll take care of it." Mark extended his hand.

"Well, I think we've got some shopping to do." Alan looked around the empty apartment.

"And we need to do it in four days. If we want to move in before practice starts."

"Better go shopping."

"I'll wait for the copy of the contract and then I need to catch up with my folks."

"Do you have any furniture preferences?" Michiru asked.

"Yes, I like it comfortable."

**x x x**

The furniture was delivered within the next two days. While Max stayed at the apartment, the rest of them moved in their personal belongings. Michiru and Alan occupied the furthest room, Rob and Mark occupied the middle room and Amanda and Max moved into the one closest to the living room. They walked around the scattered furniture, moving it around in the general direction of where it belonged. Michiru and Alan got a double bed, night stands and armoire that fit into their eleven by seventeen room with some space to share. Mark and Rob got two twin beds that they set opposite each other, with two nightstands in between. Their room resembled the dorm the most. Nobody paid any attention to how Amanda and Max furnished their bedroom. At the end of the day, when all furniture was in its place, they gathered in the living room, utterly exhausted.

"If someone did not notice yet, I put the locks on the bedroom doors. The keys are on the coffee table." Max announced from a chair she claimed as her own.

"You're afraid someone is going to snoop around your stuff?" Mark cocked an eyebrow.

"No, I'm afraid someone will visit me in the middle of the night."

Only Michiru knew how close to reality that statement was. The rest laughed it off. They ate pizza and watched the city lights out of their windows. Alan and Michiru were first to retire.

"This feels… domestic." Michiru observed as she prepared for sleep.

"Are you regretting it already?"

"No, I treasure it." She said honestly.

"Hmm… playing family." Alan found a sensitive spot on her neck.

"Something like that." Michiru turned around and their lips locked in a kiss.

**x x x**

Hours later, in a bedroom on the other side of the apartment, Amanda was sitting on the edge of the bed. She watched Max as the latter walked in after taking a shower, wearing shorts and a t-shirt. Max eyed her new roommate suspiciously.

"Having second thoughts?"

Amanda shook her head. "I've had Michiru as a roommate for almost a year, this is much more comfortable than the dorm."

Max climbed in bed. "That's not what I meant and you know it."

"You thought this through and that's what you planned all along, isn't it?" Amanda laid down as well.

"Would you rather stay with Rob? Or Mark?"

Amanda shook her head.

"Then go to sleep, Mandy. Morning is wiser than evening."

**x x x**

Two days after they moved in together, Paradigm's practice started. They came to the address given to them earlier and were met by a man dressed in impeccable navy suit. He towered over them, his physique making them assume that he used to be a basketball player. His skin tone was a few shades darker than Max's, his eyes almost black. He looked at them in assessment as they piled into the conference room.

"Take a seat." He gestured to the large table. "I'm Simon Frank. I'll be your agent." Rob and Mark tried to hide their smiles at the thoughts of having their personal Simon and the reference to a popular idol show. "I'm sorry we didn't meet earlier, I was putting a few fires down." He sat down at the head of the table. "A few ground rules first. You practice every day that anything else is not scheduled on until the first day of school. This is not a game people, this is professional world. You listen to what I say and you don't question me. I've been in the business before you were even born, so no matter how much you think you know about it, I know it better."

Simon took the stack of papers that lay to his right and distributed packages to all four members of the band. "This is your schedule. Your first performance is in two weeks. You're opening in a club in New Haven. How many songs do you have?"

Alan took the lead. "We have the original and I wrote another one, but we haven't practiced it yet."

"You've got two weeks to do so." Simon looked at each in turn. "I'm gonna have you meet with a stylist before your first performance."

"What's that going to involve?" Max asked from the other side of the table. The last thing she wanted to do was be told by someone what she should wear.

"It will involve finding your "I" and sticking to it. You don't want to look like you just crawled out of a box under the bridge."

Max scowled openly at the man as her fists flexed underneath the table. Dressing comfortably was different from looking like a bum. She has never considered herself looking like a bum. Relaxed was the term she used.

Simon ignored her. "I've listened to your first track, 'Step Up.' Where is the violinist?"

"She's not going to be performing with us. She'll only do occasional recordings." Alan answered again.

"Wrong." Simon leaned back in his chair. "You want to come on stage and get attention. The uniqueness of your style is that as of right now you're unpredictable. Come on stage and have a violinist with you and you'll wow the crowd. You're going to do that for the first month. Then you're going to West Coast 'till the middle of August, you can leave her behind, we'll work her sound into the synthesizer by then."

"Can't we use background musicians? For these songs and other ones where we incorporate classical instruments? Cellos, flutes, oboe?"

"Alan, is it?" Simon watched him nod. "Alan, my boy, you may be an idealist, a purist, or abide by other self-found philosophy. In the end, though, there are realities of life. When you make it big, I don't care if you get orchestras to follow you around on tour. As of right now, you're nobody. Nobodies don't get background musicians."

Both Alan and Mark snorted out loud in response. All four of them were quickly coming to realize that the deal they signed was not a fairytale in any sense.

Simon looked at their faces and tsked. "Don't put your noses down, we'll make Paradigm a recognized name. Don't you worry."

That was not what worried them. They did not know at what cost their success would come.

"Next order of business. We're going to re-record your original track."

"What? Why?" Rob, whose cousin spent forty-four hours with them recording the track sounded almost offended. "It's already on the air."

"I know. I put it there. We'll call it the 'radio edit.' You're going to record a longer version, you don't have to add any lyrics to it, we'll just play around with the sound. That should take about a week. We will release it as a single on August first. Whatever images you choose to be in, they have to be set by the middle of July so that we can do the photo shoots for the promos and the cover. We'll record your second track in August and release it in the same manner on November first. Considering that we agreed to free up your schedule considerably during the school year, I want to have the remaining two tracks written and composed before Christmas. You'll have time to practice and do a studio recording during your winter break. We'll do a spread-out release in the winter and the spring. If people can still remember who you are next June, you'll get yourselves a full CD deal and a tour over the summer. Someone else will be opening for you."

Their heads were starting to spin. "Again, this ain't a picnic, ladies. I'll take you downstairs to the practice room. On your schedules you'll see that you don't have all day there, other artists need to use it too. Don't be late, stay 'till the end of the practice. Go home and think of new songs. Get enough sleep while you can. Once we start recording and with your weekly openings, you're not always going to have that luxury."

Simon got up and escorted them to the practice room. They followed in submissive silence. He left them in the empty room and closed the door. Alan threw his folder on the floor and looked at his bandmates. "I'd say leave now if you want to, but I think it's too late for that."

"We knew what we were signing up for." Max reasoned.

"Knowing and going through it are two different things." Mark complained.

They looked around the room. It was smaller than their living room, windowless, lit up by the incandescent lights that were built into the recessed ceiling. The floor was covered with some sort of grey vinyl and the walls were cushioned with white squares, a foot in every direction. A three-seater couch sat next to the wall adjacent to the door. A set of drums was on the opposite end. Large speakers and an array of amplifiers littered the floor. Alan, Mark and Rob set their instruments down as Max pulled the drum sticks out of her hair.

"Let's get to it." She walked around the drums and took a seat, getting a taste of the sound. The three men followed and the first official session began.

**x x x**

Amanda and Michiru, unwilling to be left behind by their friends, planned out a whole schedule for themselves. Namely, they entered as many competitions as they could. After seeing Mark perform, Michiru has been thinking about her own stage fright and decided that she had to work out her issues in school, not when she was looking for a job after graduation. Besides, the opportunity to meet distinguished musicians by participating in the competitions and possibly being a part of an orchestra or an ensemble was too much to go by.

As the band left for their first practice at an ungodly hour of six in the morning, Michiru got up and visited the gym downstairs. She worked out for an hour, fully waking up without the need of caffeine, took a shower and got dressed for the day. She was going to meet with one of the professors about her first competition. She walked up to Amanda's room and habitually turned the knob. The door was locked. Michiru shrugged and knocked on the door.

"Amanda, get up, we have to be at school in an hour." Amanda was also meeting with one of her instructors.

Not waiting for a reply, Michiru walked into the kitchen and grabbed two bowls, a box of cereal, a carton of milk, and fresh strawberries. A barely awake Amanda made her way to the kitchen.

"Coffee. Please tell me there is coffee."

Michiru looked at their new coffee machine that still sat in a box on the counter. Amanda growled and opened the box. After a quick shower, Amanda joined Michiru at the dining table, where the two had their breakfast. Coffee seemed to do wonders, bringing Amanda to her usual cheerful self.

"Did you sleep okay?" Michiru asked, concerned.

"Why?"

"It's past eight, you usually get up at seven during the school year."

"Yeah, during the school year. This is my vacation. I'm supposed to sleep until noon and then tan in the park while reading a novel."

"No one is making you do any of this."

"I'm not going to sit on my ass while you guys become famous. I hate being left behind."

"No one is going to leave you behind."

"Easy for you to say, you've already got your way in. Alan won't leave you behind."

"I don't want to be seen as Alan's sidekick. I'm an artist of my own, I'm going to get my own recognition separate from Paradigm."

"Why? You stick with them and you know you've got a chance."

"I'd like to think that I have a chance with or without them. Since when did you stop lecturing me on the independent spirit?"

"Since you stopped listening to me. You and Alan are inseparable, so why do you complain if I draw conclusions from that?"

"Because your conclusions are not the right ones. How would you like to be in Mark's shadow?"

Amanda choked on her coffee. "Why would I ever be in his shadow? For starters, I'm an actress, not a musician."

"Well, I'm a violinist, not some punk rock metal groupie."

Amanda laughed out loud. "I love you, Mich. You're so adorable."

Michiru just cocked an eyebrow in response.

**x x x**

Michiru's mood was darkened more when she was told that evening that she would have to perform with the band for a month and a half. That was nine performances on Friday or Saturday nights primarily in the tri-state area. More so, she was needed at the rehearsals and there was a week-long recording. None of those fit into her competition schedule. She already picked four pieces she would play at different competitions, two of them were the ones she had yet to learn. Her frustration had no end.

She participated in seven practices, devoting a couple of hours of her time to each, between her own appointments. A few days before the performance in New Haven Michiru accompanied Paradigm to an appointment with a stylist per Simon's order. They were sent to Tribeca, where they entered one of the office buildings and made their way up to the sixteenth floor. The image consulting agency occupied one of the offices. A receptionist, hardly of their own age, greeted them and buzzed someone to come out.

A man and a woman came to the reception area, both dressed in business attire. They introduced themselves as Jay and Amelia and exchanged greetings. The men were taken away by Amelia while Jay showed the girls to the opposite side of the office.

"So, what did you girls have in mind?" He inspected each of them as they just stared back, having no idea what they were supposed to have in mind.

"Can we not change much?" Max finally asked.

"Honey, do you want to be an icon or a laughing stock?"

"How about I want to be myself?"

He folded his hands across his chest. "Okay. Who are you?"

"Excuse me?"

"You want to be yourself? Tell me about yourself. I can't let you out of here looking like this, but if you want me to find your image, let's meet each other."

"You're barking up the wrong tree."

"Okay, so let me see. Private, proud, uncomfortable with your own body… stop me when I get something wrong. Uncaring of what others think, g-"

"Okay, that's enough." Max interrupted quickly. Jay looked at Michiru, then back at Max and smiled.

"I see. Okay, I got it. Now you." He turned to Michiru. "What do you have to say for yourself?"

"This is my part-time job and I'm entering competitions with classical orchestras?"

Jay nodded. "So elegant, classic, with a twist of spice. I like it." I need to get your measurements, so take off your clothes.

"What?" This time it was Michiru who balked.

Jay smiled again. "Don't worry honey, there isn't anything I haven't seen there before and I really don't care. I do, however, need to know your sizes. So get undressed, we'll do that, then I'll give you robes and go scavenge through the closet while you get your hair and makeup figured out."

He left the room to get the robes. Michiru just stood there, completely embarrassed. Sure she has taken baths with women all the time in Japan, but this felt different. In America, the culturally accepted norms were different and she all of a sudden was shy about her own body. In nine months that she spent living with Amanda, she did not change in front of her once. Now she was supposed to get naked in front of Max and a total stranger of male gender, gay or not?

Max made a clicking noise with her tongue and unzipped her jeans. She pulled them off and folded them on the chair, shortly followed by the t-shirt. Taking a deep breath, Michiru followed her example. In one move she took her beige summer dress off and put it on another chair. Standing in her brown underwear, Michiru watched from underneath her eyelids as Max, now only dressed in boy shorts and a sports bra took off her black socks. Without turning around, Max pulled of her bra and set in on top of the pile. Michiru bit her lip and turned around as she unstrapped her own bra and hid it in the folds of her dress. Unsure of what to do with her panties, she turned to look at Max. Max was putting her sneakers under the chair and her full bare back came into Michiru's view.

On her spine, from the lowest vertebrae to about four inches below the nape Michiru counted about ten barcodes that were tattooed one above another. The one on top was still fresh, surrounded by the raw red skin.

"Wow." Michiru forgot all about the fact that they were in the nude, with only their panties on. "What do they mean?"

"They're important dates."

Michiru walked up closer and saw that there were numbers under the bars. The tips of her fingers touched one and she felt Max straighten her back on reflex. Michiru pulled her hand away. "Sorry. What are they of?"

Max took a step away at a safe distance. "My birthday, the day I started walking, the day I got my first set of drums, the first time I was raped, the day I tried to kill myself, the day the son of a bitch got what he deserved, the day I was able to sleep without nightmares, the day I was able to have a physical relationship with another human being, the day I started feeling something close to an emotion towards another, and the day my father got his freedom back."

Stunned at the openness of the answer, Michiru was going to look closer at the dates, but the door opened and Jay came back in. He looked pointedly at their underwear.

"Deal with it." Max grimaced.

He took their measurements, writing them down on a pad of paper. Once he was done, he handed them the promised robes. "Scott is out hair stylist and Jen is a makeup artist. They will take care of you next."

Jay showed them out to another room where chairs were set up in front of the mirrors. Two hours later, Michiru's hair that had a slight natural wave was straightened out, shaped to accentuate her face. Her bangs were cut to fall in a straight line across her forehead. Max's hair that turned out to be waist-length underwent a drastic transformation. Her objections of not being able to use the drum sticks as a hair accessory was dismissed as ridiculous and her hair was cut to just below her chin. The texture of her hair allowed for it to be spiked on the sides without much product. Michiru found the transformation phenomenal, Max just kept muttering something under her breath. Some of the two hours was spent on makeup, primarily Michiru's. She was told how to apply it correctly, what shades to use at night and during the day, what to keep in mind under the spotlight and which looks went best with her image. That was Michiru's favorite part of the day, she thoroughly enjoyed both her new knowledge and the way her face looked when the day makeup was applied. With her hair styled and her makeup done, she felt like she walked off of a magazine page.

The two made their way back to where they left their clothes and found Jay standing next to a rack packed with clothing. He handed them outfits one by one, making them get in and out, completely messing their freshly styled hair. An exhausting hour and a half in, they found something they each liked. Not surprisingly, Michiru was wearing a dress. It was a white short-sleeved dress by Christopher Deane with an abstract pattern drawn out by silver dots. It was shorter than Michiru was accustomed to, reaching barely two inches below her behind. Due to the thickness of the material and the cut, though, it accentuated her waist and did not expose anything she did not want to be seen as she walked. She wore white Miss Sixty Jordana sandals that put her at the same height as Max.

Max was wearing black straight-leg pants that hugged her hips like a glove. That fact, however, was hidden by a black dress with blue industrial pattern that reached to the middle of her thighs. It was also short-sleeved, but not as fitted as Michiru's, allowing for the comfort Max treasured so much. She did not wear heals, after a long and profound argument with Jay they settled on black D&G flats. Michiru kept smirking as the older woman kept frustrating the stylist.

Once they exited the dressing room, they were met by the rest of the band. Alan and Mark were wearing their trademarked ripped jeans, only they were fitted better and supposedly designer-made. Michiru had no idea what was so designer about the ripped jeans, it was not like the rips were strategically positioned to serve any special purpose. To her, they were still jeans. Mark wore a fitted dark gray shirt that was unbuttoned down the middle and a suit jacket that was of the same color. Alan wore a plain black t-shirt and a cropped jacket. Rob was wearing black fitted jeans, a white t-shirt and a waistcoat. Alan's hair was shorter and more ragged, Mark's hair gained some highlights and lowlights, and Rob's head was almost shaved.

They all stared at each other, men much more speechless than their female counterparts.

"Look at that, you cleaned up so nicely."

They all turned around to find Simon lounging in a chair in the corner. He looked at Amelia. "I want pictures taken, both together and separately, we don't want them to forget what they're supposed to look like." As Amelia and Jay left to find the photographer, Simon addressed the band again. "You can practice and walk the streets naked, for all I care, but when you perform, this is what you look like. Naturally you'll do variations in clothing. Since you can't afford the clothes you're wearing, try to match up cheap clothing to the same styles. That especially goes for you." He turned to Max. "We don't want to forget that you're a girl. I don't care if you never take the pants off, but I don't want anyone to ever confuse you for a boy. This is not a boy band."

Max bit the inside of her mouth to not talk back to her agent/manager/son of a bitch she wanted to walk over in those stiletto heeled shoes Jay made her try on earlier. Instead, she concentrated on something more plausible. Unfortunately for her, it happened to be Michiru's ass, which Alan noticed and cocked an eyebrow at Max in question. She shook her head and stared at the pattern of the floor.

After another lecture by Simon and a photo session, they were finally released. They made their way home, where they successfully rendered Amanda speechless. Amanda, happy that she was sitting at the time, kept looking from one member of the band to the other, to the next, until her eyes just kept darting between Michiru and Max, finally settling on the latter. She licked her dry lips and found her voice.

"Wow. I mean, wow. Do I know you guys? More importantly, why wasn't I invited to this awesome transformation event?"

Utterly exhausted, they took their normal seats: Alan and Michiru on a loveseat, Max in a chair, Rob on a couch and Mark on the other couch, next to Amanda.

"It was not nearly as fun as you think it was." Rob sighed.

"That's because you're a guy."

"Oh, no, it really was that bad." Max nodded.

"You're not much better either." Amanda looked at Michiru for support.

"Uh… being humiliated and told that you have no idea how to dress, style your hair, apply your makeup, walk in your shoes, and so on and so forth is not my definition of fun, Amanda. We spent hours putting on clothes, after we already spent hours getting our hair and makeup done, and then we were fried under the lights in front of a camera." She shivered. "I'm glad we don't have to do that often."

"Yeah, that's until the first scheduled photo shoot." Mark sighed. "Besides, don't you actresses change into new clothes and get new wigs and makeup all the time? Isn't that part of the trade?"

"It's not the same." Amanda pouted.

"Your day will come." Michiru assured.

**x x x**

Their first performance was in an average-size nightclub in New Haven. It was filled with people, in anticipation of the band they were opening for. With only two songs to go, they knew that they would not be on stage for more than ten minutes, but the anticipation has been building up for hours. Wearing the clothes they were given by the stylists and having done the best they could to look the way they were supposed to, they felt like the performance was not just about the music. It was about whether people would like them, what they thought of them. Whether the audience would remember their songs, or their looks, or both, or neither.

Michiru looked through the open door to the back stage at the actual stage inside the club and held her violin tighter. Her hands shook visibly and she squeezed her eyes, trying to calm down her nerves. She felt another presence and opened her eyes to see Mark standing next to her.

"Don't worry, we'll be in and out in no time. You won't even remember being there, it will be just an adrenalin rush through and through."

"How can you be so calm?"

He shrugged. "I've been doing this for years. You can treat it as a job, picture the audience naked, or simply enjoy your moment in the spotlight. Whatever works, but it's not worth being this worried about it. To the audience you're not one of them, you're on stage, you're special. Whether they like what you do or not, it's a different world. So stop worrying about them and just think of your music. That's what you love to do, that's what you should pay the most attention to."

"Thank you." Michiru smiled, thinking how true his words rang. She remembered how she watched them perform together on stage for the first time. They seemed out of her league, they were next to her one moment and then they were unreachable. Today she was one of them. She was not part of the audience, she was one of the musicians. Michiru squared her shoulders and took a deep breath. As Paradigm's members piled out on stage one by one, Alan paused next to her.

"Are you okay?" She nodded her head and he gave her a quick peck on the cheek. "Then let's go."

They stepped into the dimly lit stage and took their places. Michiru stood to the side, completely covered by darkness. Only the white dress outlined her barely visible silhouette. The lights turned on and Alan began to play a melody that did not belong to the first song. Mark grabbed the microphone and surveyed the crowd.

"Hi guys, we're Paradigm. This is our christening, so please let us know what you think." He briefly nodded to Alan, who switched to playing the first strings of the right song. "You may have heard this one, it's called 'Step Up'." Mark let go of the microphone as Rob and himself cut in with the basses. Max joined them as Mark's part ended and he began to sing.

The mellow-paced melody of the verse exploded with the loud basses, accompanied by bass and snare drums as the chorus came on. As Mark's voice returned from loud back to normal at the end of the chorus, where he extended the last word, a spotlight illuminated Michiru and she played her solo. Her eyes were shut closed, but they flung open when she heard a wave of shouting come from the audience. A smile playing at her lips, she finished the solo and the band repeated the chorus. Another verse and another chorus and the song ended with a bang. After a momentary silence, the audience cheered. A collective breath escaped the band members as Mark got the mic again.

"I'm glad you like it." He turned to Michiru. "This is Michiru Kaioh, she's our resident violinist and has graced us with her presence tonight, so let's give her a cheer."

Michiru bowed as the audience responded kindly to Mark's request and the band members clapped their hands. It was not planned, at least not by Michiru, and she felt her cheeks flame at both the compliment and the attention.

"So, this is a new song, we've been working on it for a while and today is the day of its debut. It's called 'I Sea' and I'm sure you'll figure out who it's addressed to."

Michiru turned even redder, if that was possible, as Alan winked at her. In this song, the violin did not have a solo, but rather accompanied each chorus. The tempo of the song increased at each mention of the uneasy sea or the wind, making it jump from calm to raging, back and forth.

As the song ended, the audience once again expressed its satisfaction, including some 'go Michiru' shouts that had nothing to do with her playing the violin. Mark took the mic out of the stand and walked back to the center of the stage.

"So this is what we're all about. We're Paradigm and here are our members. I'm Mark, I, obviously, sing." He got a few chuckles from the audience. "This is Alan, he's our guitarist and composer." Alan showed off his guitar skills briefly. "This is Rob, he's stealing all of my bass solos." Rob showed exactly why that was the case as the crowd shouted. "And last, but not least, this is Max. Our drummer." She too played a short piece. "Thank you for listening to us tonight and without further adieu…" He smiled into the mic and whispered hoarsely. "Here's what you all came for." As the crowd exploded, the main band came on stage and Paradigm made its quick escape.

**x x x**

_I don't know how to even start to describe my first experience on stage. It was all I ever wanted, more or less. I got the high I've never felt before. I got my fifteen seconds of fame when Mark introduced me and it felt so good. When we all descended backstage, I felt like anything was possible. The only downside of the whole experience was that I did not know if I wanted to be associated with Paradigm. Not in a sense that I had anything against them, that was never the case, I love what they did. But I wanted to have my 'I'. I wanted to stand on that stage by myself and have my own fans cheer me on. I did not want to be there as a visitor with a popular band, I did not want to be there as a girlfriend of the band leader, an object to whom some of the songs were dedicated. _

_I don't need to hear how vain, selfish and ridiculous those feelings were. I heard it all from my best friend at the time, who has never had a problem telling me how screwed up I am to my face. That's fine. We all set our goals and my goal, since the day I decided to become a violinist, was to inspire people with my music. MY music. Not my performance with an orchestra, a quartet or a band. Those were supposed to be secondary to my solo career. Not the other way around. _

_The initial confusion that I felt in those original nine performances only forced me to work harder, to get what I wanted, to win the competitions. Well, what we want and what we get is not just decided by us. Many times that summer I remembered Charlie Tenoh's words. Getting good at what you do is not supposed to be easy. There is a proverb that goes along the line of 'hard in training, easy in battle.' I felt like my training was the battle. _


	7. CH 6

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Haruka and Michiru's characters, they belong to Naoko Takeuchi. All other characters and this story belong to me.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**AN:** Okay, so here's the deal, and don't take this as me being upset, it's just to answer all of your future questions as to Haruka. First, let me quote myself:

"This one will be different because the first (at this point 5 chapters) are about Michiru."

So technically, those of you who read ID should not have even asked me about Haruka at this point. But it's okay if you did. See, when I wrote my previous stories, they were centered around Haruka, well, because I like it that way. I did not realize that the rest of you are as biased as I am. As it is, though, there are too many things from Michiru's background that I need to include before Haruka joins the story full-time.

We're on Ch 6 right now, this one and the next are still a bit slow. In Ch 8 the pace will pick up, in Ch 9 most of you will be so outraged by what I did that you will forget all about Haruka, and in **Ch 10** the blonde will permanently join the cast.

Now, it's still not too late to stop reading if this isn't quite what you expected and/or if it's too slow. I don't view this story as H&M hook up, issues, happy ending. It's on a grander scale in terms of issues, it involves other people from their life, primarily Michiru's life, which is why you have to read through all the background chapters. Okay. There it is. Chapter 10. That's FOUR chapters from now. [the back button is generally located in the top left-hand-side corner of your browser and you may close the window by clicking an "x" on the right side of the window or a red dot on the left side of your window.] No harsh feelings.

_**petiyaka:**_ you know, I did not connect the dots about the tenor until you mentioned it. I promise, no relation. Yes, I only really care about Alan and Max from the band, the rest are just furniture. Well, Mark will have his role overall, but that's about it.

_**Tenoh and Kaioh:**_ yeah, I lost my drama touch for a little while, I'll make up for it soon

_**SeraEris: **_xe xe… keep guessing… and no, Haruka will not be in a coma

_**Mantaray: **_She'll have her random meetings, they will even talk in the next chapter :)

Back…

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**Chapter 6**

In the first year of her studies, Michiru auditioned for the required placements. She was a member of the Juilliard String Quartet which gave her an opportunity to learn how to be a part of an ensemble and how to work on her rehearsal techniques. To her, that was not nearly enough. Propelled by being set in the shadow of Paradigm, Michiru auditioned and was chosen for Juilliard Orchestra and prepared for international competitions. Of the three she originally set herself for, Michiru advanced to one. She got into Fritz Kreisler International Violin Competition in Vienna. It was scheduled for last week of September and she spent every day not otherwise occupied by the Quartet, the Orchestra, or the band practicing for the competition.

Though feeling slightly guilty, she praised the day when Paradigm was set to depart for West Coast. It meant that she had one less obligation to fulfill. She woke up the morning after the band departed alone in her bed, for the first time in two months. It felt quite odd, but Michiru shook off the sadness and got to her morning routine. After the workout and shower she knocked on Amanda's door, no longer trying the knob. Even though Max was out of town, Michiru had a felling that it would be locked and she was not nosy enough to find out why. She walked into the kitchen and brewed some fresh coffee. By the time Amanda emerged from the shower, her cup of coffee sat on the table next to a bowl of cereal with pieces of freshly cut peach.

"Have I mentioned that I love you?"

"Yes, every morning." Michiru sipped on her green tea. "Don't worry, I love you every evening when you make dinner."

They ate in silence and then put the dishes away. "Are you going to go to the store?"

"What store?" Michiru looked at Amanda, confusion clearly written in her face.

"Hello, it's August first. Your single is coming out today." Amanda pointed to a large calendar on the wall that had writings in six different colors all over it.

"It's not my single and I'm not a groupie, why would I go to a store to buy something I already have, know how to play with my eyes closed and ears muffed, and will probably have to play many more times to the point of cringing at the mention of it."

"Whoa you have issues." Amanda shook her head disapprovingly.

"Yeah, so you keep telling me."

"Someone has to."

"Come on, Mandy, we have to go."

"Don't call me that." Amanda pointed an accusing finger in Michiru's nose.

"Then stop lecturing me." Michiru replied, closing the door to the apartment shut behind them.

**x x x**

Paradigm came back to New York two days before the beginning of classes. They were visibly thinner, tanner, and tired. Amanda and Michiru did not look too different either.

"I'm glad to know we all had a very refreshing summer." Rob summarized sarcastically.

"Yeah, better use this weekend wisely." Mark responded in kind. "Anyone want to party by the pool in the Hamptons?"

"No, sorry, but once was enough with your mother." Max shook her head.

"Mandy?"

"Absolutely not. If I wanted to party by the pool, I would've gone to LA with you."

"Anyone?"

"I'll go with you." Rob shrugged. "It's hot and sticky. Reminds me of home. Only I don't like New York's beaches as much."

"That's settled then."

**x x x**

While Mark and Rob were away, Amanda shopping for school, and Max out and about, no one knew where, Alan and Michiru went on a date. They had a picnic at the park and just relaxed, catching up on the events of the past month.

"Is everything okay?" Michiru finally asked as a nagging feeling that something indeed was wrong prompted her to do so. Alan was unusually quiet, as though something was weighing heavily on his chest.

"Everything is fine." He smiled at Michiru from her lap.

She leaned back on her outstretched arms. "You're lying."

"I'm not!"

"Then what are you hiding?"

"I'm not hiding anything."

"Alan." Michiru drew out warningly.

Alan sighed. "Fine. You know, patience is really not one of your virtues." He sat up and pulled a flower out of the basket.

Michiru had no idea when he had an opportunity to sneak it in. He handed the red rose to her, still sitting perpendicular to her. She smiled and took the beautiful flower in, bringing it to her nose to smell the fragrant scent. Between the blood-red petals, a diamond sparkled in the sun. She stared at it dumbly as Alan cupped her cheek.

"We did that tour and you weren't with us. I understand that what you did for us was more of a favor than anything else and that you will not always be there as our careers go separate ways, but it scared me. I don't want to lose you, Michiru. I don't want to lose what we have, what we have away from the music scene. I don't want our successes to affect our relationship. I want to always love you and for you to always love me back. I want you to be my wife. Will you marry me?"

She blinked her tears away. Michiru felt like a terrible person for thinking that he overshadowed her. All Alan ever did was provide her with opportunities she would not have for a long time, maybe never. He showed her a whole new world of music, and how did she repay him? By trying to compete with his success. She used the month they spent apart to work on her skills to the point of exhaustion, only to show him how good she was when he came back. Amanda was right, Michiru did have issues. She leaned in and kissed him passionately on the lips.

"Of course I will marry you."

He visibly relaxed and hugged her around the waist, bringing her closer into the kiss. Once they parted, he took the ring out of the rose and put it on Michiru's finger. She looked at the ring. It was a two-carat round cut diamond set in a simple platinum band. It looked enormous on her small hand and she wondered how Alan could afford it. The answer that she would never find out was simple. Paradigm members got half of what they were each promised under the contract after the last performance in California. Alan spent most of it on the ring.

They spent the rest of the day talking about their plans for the future, the fact that they have not met each other's parents and the general questions, such as which country they would even have the wedding in. They answered the last question first, figuring that they would do a small wedding right here in New York. The details depended largely on their parents.

**x x x**

When they came back home, Amanda just finished making dinner for the four of them. As the radiant bride walked into the dining room, the first words out of her mouth were "Mandy, I want you to be my maid of honor."

Michiru wiped her left hand and held it for both women to see the diamond that was hard to miss. Amanda dropped the plate she was holding and it shattered on the hardwood floor. Max got up quickly and started picking up the pieces as Amanda just stood there, rooted to the spot.

"Are you freaking nuts?"

"Excuse me?" Michiru lowered her hand down.

"You're what, nineteen now? And you want to get married?"

"So?"

"What's the rush?"

"What's your problem?"

"Michiru, you're too young to get married. What's the point of doing it now? Are you pregnant?"

"No."

"Then why? You're both still in school, you both haven't seen life. Do that before you settle in."

"Are you saying that we should shop around before committing?" Alan asked, appalled.

"Yes!"

"Not everybody is like you, Amanda." Michiru said quietly and turned around, leaving the three watch her walk to the bedroom and shut the door.

Amanda bit on her lip and ran to the bedroom, likewise slamming the door. Alan picked the broom and helped Max get the rest of the broken plate out. He looked at the meal regretfully, knowing that none of them had any appetite anymore. He put the broom away as Max inspected their job. They looked at each other and sighed almost simultaneously.

"I'll go calm mine down, you take care of yours." Max's eyebrows shut to her forehead, but Alan already turned away and left. He made his way to the bedroom and found Michiru sitting on the floor in the corner, staring furiously into space.

**x x x**

Amanda lay on the bed on her stomach, with her face buried in the pillow. Max walked in and locked the door behind her. She walked up and squatted next to the crying girl.

"What is it this time, Amanda?" She moved Amanda's long hair to the side to see her profile. "Are you now upset that you're not engaged?"

"No!" Amanda sat up so fast that Max ended up sitting on the floor to avoid being hit in the process. "You don't get it, do you? None of you get it!" She wiped her wet cheeks. "They will be just like my parents. They will marry young, without experiencing life and then they will run in opposite directions, tired of each other."

"I'm sorry that happened to your parents, but it doesn't mean it will happen to them."

"Have you met Michiru? She has so many things to learn in life! She just got out of her small town a year ago, look how much she changed already. Alan isn't her first, but she treats all of her relationships seriously, so how many do you think she's had in her life? Two? Three?"

"What does any of it have to do with the fact that they're in love and want to be together?"

"Everything! They can be together, they don't have to get married for that. They both need to grow as individual people, they can't do that if they lock themselves into a relationship this early on. Not everyone matures like you did, Max. They're not as mature, they need to go fight their own battles before they become adults capable of making a decision to stay together for the rest of their lives!"

"Why are you crying?"

"W-what?"

"If they are the ones making a mistake, it's their mistake to learn. Part of their path, their battles. Why are _you_ crying?"

"Because I care!" Amanda buried her face in the palms of her hands.

Max climbed on the bed behind Amanda and hugged her by the waist, putting her forehead at the back of Amanda's neck. "You're taking this too much to heart. You warned them, you voiced your opinion. You're a good friend. But good friends don't make decisions for their friends. They take a step back and support the decision. So if Michiru still wants to marry Alan after everything you said, you can't keep berating her about it. You have to be her maid of honor, because you are her best friend." Amanda was sobbing quietly. "Unless there is something else."

Amanda took her hands off of her face and turned to face Max. "What do you mean?"

"Unless you feel something more than a best friend would for her."

"Max!"

Max's facial expression was void of any emotion. "You went crying through the streets of New York when you found out that Michiru was dating Alan, you yelled at her and went crying in your room when you found out that they got engaged. I'm just drawing conclusions."

Amanda wiped her tears away. "They're wrong conclusions. This is all about her stupid choice. The first time was about me. I was miserable because I didn't know where we stand."

"Where do we stand?"

Amanda swallowed, Michiru's problems temporarily forgotten as she stared in the face that was still devoid of any feeling. It made her really worry. "We sit on top of the bed in an apartment we're sharing with our friends."

Max shook her head, her lips did not curve up one bit. "That's my line, not yours."

"We're together, Max. We've been together for almost a year… I love you."

Max leaned in closer and captured the lips of her lover. Amanda let out a sigh and wrapped her hands around Max's neck, playing with the tips of her hair. They leaned down on their double bed and Max made Amanda forget all about Michiru, Alan and weddings.

**x x x**

A room away, Michiru and Alan heard every shout that escaped Amanda's lips, all the way through 'Max.' They sat quietly, brewing on her words, understanding more what she meant and where she was coming from. As the apartment turned quiet, Alan turned to Michiru.

"We can wait as long as you want to."

"I don't want to wait." She put her head on his shoulder. "I love you, I don't care what others think. If we make a mistake, we'll cross that bridge when we get there."

He kissed her forehead and chuckled when her stomach growled. "That dinner Amanda made looked delicious. You want some?"

Michiru smiled shyly. "Yes."

Alan got up and pulled her with him. As they made their way into the living room, he flipped on the TV and brought the volume up.

"What are you doing?" Michiru quizzed him from the kitchen.

"Just setting some background noise." He smiled innocently.

"Animal Planet?"

That was not Alan's choice, it happened to be the channel the TV was left on, but Michiru's quizzical expression and the context in which animal noises created 'background noise' made him double with laughter. Gaining his composure back, Alan switched to MTV and let the music fill the apartment as him and Michiru settled in for dinner.

**x x x**

In the room next door Max firmly held her hand against Amanda's mouth. First when the latter started giggling at the sound of the show on Animal Planet, then when the giggling turned into sensual moans. The blasting pop music was awful to their ears, but much more fitting for their activity.

Some time later Max lay on her stomach as Amanda traced the numbers under the second to last barcode on Max's back. It was the date of Valentine's Day that year. Max gave Amanda a necklace and got herself something she would remember Amanda by for much longer than a piece of jewelry would last.

"Are you ready to go make peace with your bf?" Max asked with her eyes closed.

Amanda sighed and slowly nodded. "I can't see that." Max observed with her eyes still closed, sensing the motion.

"Yes."

"That's better." Max got up in one swift motion and put on a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. She looked at Amanda who threw her dress and underwear back on and was heading out of the door. "Make sure to stop by the bathroom first."

Amanda rolled her eyes. "Yes, mother."

Max smirked and walked to the second bathroom. When they came out to the living room, one behind the other, Amanda walked up to Michiru, while Max mouthed 'thank you' to Alan. He winked and relocated to the couch, leaving the two friends alone in the dining room. Max sat down in her chair and took possession of the remote.

"Hey, I was watching that!" Alan complained as Max changed the channel in the middle of a Britney Spears video.

She gave him a completely unbelieving look and put on CNN. "How long have you known?" She asked quietly, the proximity of the couch on which he sat allowing her to make sure that they were out of Michiru and Amanda's earshot.

"I figured it out when I saw you check out Michiru's ass."

Max nodded, pursing her lips. "So I take it you won't mind keeping it the same way you have in the past three months?"

"Aye. Can I just ask why?"

"It's complicated."

"It always is."

"More so when your girlfriend is hiding behind all her girly dresses in the closet."

Alan sighed. "Good luck."

"Yeah, thanks."

**x x x**

Amanda sat down across from Michiru and they just stared down at the table for a while. Finally, Amanda gathered enough courage to speak up.

"I'm sorry, Mich." She looked up to find Michiru still staring at the empty plate in front of her. "I'm sorry that I passed judgment, it just comes from painful personal experiences. I don't want you to suffer."

"I know." Michiru looked up. "I'm sorry too."

"Friends?"

Michiru forced a smile. "Friends."

"So when is the wedding?"

Michiru shrugged. "I have no idea. We need to tell our parents first."

"Well, I doubt anyone's reaction could top mine." Amanda chuckled and Michiru smiled in return, this time genuinely.

**x x x**

_My best friend's reaction to my decision to marry at such a young age was a combination of waterworks and harsh criticism. Afterwards, we both thought that no one could top that off. We were wrong. While Alan's parents needed some time to digest the news, they got set with the idea of their second son getting married quite quickly. My parents, on the other hand… To my utter surprise, they lectured me on the same things as Amanda. They proved once again that there was little traditional in their point of view. It was not about the fact that Alan was Irish or that they have not met him to date. It was because they felt that I was rushing into things._

_We had that recurring argument all the way through September, when left for my competition in Vienna. The heavy thoughts and doubts about my decision to marry that plagued me all the way to the stage in the end affected my concentration. Or, at least, I keep telling myself that it was my distraught state that made me perform as bad as I did. I left the competition without ever reaching finals. When I got back to New York, I was almost ready to call the whole thing off. I turned back to blaming Alan for all my failures. When I came home, a surprise waited for me._

**x x x**

Paradigm was doing a scheduled promotional event the day Michiru got back into town. Getting used to being on her own, she made her way back home and was stunned to find both of her parents sitting in the living room. Amanda was serving them tea at the moment.

"Thank god, you're here. They don't speak much English." Amanda whispered on her way out of the room.

Michiru shook herself out of her stupor and greeted her parents. "What are you doing here?"

"We came to meet your fiancé." Her mother answered.

Michiru was at a loss of words. To the best of her knowledge, her parents have never left Japan before. She did not even know how they got into the United States in a first place. Michiru was asked dozens of questions she has not answered before about Alan, his family, how they met and so on. It all seemed to be going well until Paradigm members found their way home and Michiru's parents realized that the six of them lived together. The wrath that was unleashed on her was one Michiru has never known her parents were capable of.

After she was berated for her immoral living arrangements and repercussions of living with three men specifically and five people in general, her parents left before her father's frail heart failed on him. The experience turned out to be too much for everybody involved. Alan was formally introduced to her parents, but they were so far gone at that point that he could have been an ideal son-in-law and they would not have noticed.

Both Alan and Amanda tried to calm shaking Michiru down as tears seemed to not have an end. Strangely, the encounter with her parents only made Michiru make a final decision. Instead of doubting her every step, she decided that she will marry Alan within a year, whether her parents came to approve the marriage or not.

Michiru announced so to her parents the next day when they hastily decided to rebook their flight home and depart the United States. In an absolutely normal tone of voice Michiru's father reminded her that she lived off of the money they sent and that they paid for her schooling. Not wanting to believe her ears, Michiru put her pride up as a shield and announced that she did not care if she had to be a street performer to make her living, but her relationship with Alan was more important to her than her relationship with her parents.

Both parties having reached their absolute limits, Michiru's parents left as she hid herself in one of the practice rooms back at school and played her heart out.

**x x x**

Despite Alan's initial resistance and advice of all of their friends against rash judgments, Michiru set the date of their wedding for the weekend at the end of the spring semester. She sent an invitation to her parents along with a Christmas gift. In return, the payment for her spring semester tuition did not go through.

Having expected this turn of events, Michiru did two things after her parents left: she contacted Simon Frank and entered another competition scheduled for December. During her meeting with Simon, Michiru somewhat belatedly negotiated compensation for her performances with the band and the recording time. She did so right after their second single was released and made its way to America's Top 100. For a new band it was a huge success and she did not know if it was that or her distraught state that made Simon take a pity on her and write her a check for her contribution. He gave her $8,000, half of what she had to pay for tuition, not to mention the apartment costs. Michiru had no idea how she could even afford to live, let alone get married, at that point.

With no other hope in sight, Michiru spent day in and day out in the practice room, rehearsing for her competition. Her determination paid off. It was a small competition, organized by a local philanthropist. The first prize was $25,000, the second was $15,000, and the third was $5,000. Michiru accomplished two things: she performed on stage by herself and she took the first place.

As she paid for the celebratory dinner with her friends out on the town, Michiru breathed out freely for the first time in months. At least she now knew that she had the means to exist through the summer. More importantly, for the first time in her life she achieved something completely on her own and she got what she deserved. It made her finally feel like she was unstoppable.

**x x x **

_Later on I would thank my parents for what they did. If they did not take such a drastic step, I probably would have still been miserable, crying about how staying in the shadow of my significant other was a terrible burden. I wanted to make something of myself. My parents' action propelled me to do something. I did it for money because otherwise I had no means of living. I have never felt as humiliated as when I went to see Simon Frank, not even when I was forced to undress in front of a stranger._

_Begging for money was not something I have ever done before then or would ever want to do since. It took all my guts to go to his office, without telling anyone about it, primarily because I was afraid that they would stop me. I grew to admire him after or encounter. We may have all felt like he was a tyrant or a schmuck at some points, but he helped me out when I needed it and I never forgot that. I just did not realize that the way I would have to pay back would hurt so many people in the process. My respect for him diminished as quickly as it appeared, only years later._

_Having had the taste of solo performance and the indescribable rush of adrenalin to my head when I won (so much more than a live performance in front of hyped audience), I was determined to get what I wanted. While Paradigm recorded their new tracks throughout January, I researched all viable violin competitions around the world. Since those awarding recording contracts at the end were complicated in nature, I realized that I would have to prepare far in advance. All thanks to the argument with my parents._

**x x x **

The ordeal with Michiru's parents had a side effect. Max, whose name was on the lease and who knew very well that if Michiru was unable to pay rent, Max would have had to absorb her portion, decided to look into her finances as well. While drums had extreme personal significance in her life, she has never envisioned herself playing in a band for a living or for a while. As she told Michiru shortly after they met, she just grabbed opportunities as they came.

Once the younger Paradigm members began school at the beginning of the year, Max shopped for more opportunities. This time, she concentrated on something she always wanted to do: mix music. She made a few friends and got to DJ at one of the small Manhattan clubs once a week. Though it was not much and the club was not one mentioned in any guides, it gave her a start. She was able to play around with different styles and see what people on the dance floor liked. Soon, she noticed that the amount of people doubled on the nights she was at the club. Three months later, she had two other offers to play at bigger clubs. Though the extra money she made with intent to pay Michiru's portion of the rent ended up not needed, that move put the beginning to Max Du Bois' deejaying career.

**x x x**

The wedding day was set to Saturday, June third. Neither Alan nor Michiru have thought about it until spring break, when they went to Albany once again and Linda started asking them about the details of the wedding, which was just a little over two and a half months away.

Alan's family surprised them all by coming down for the same week. They arrived the day after Alan and Michiru and the latter was thrown in the midst of it all. Michiru met the parents, Liam and Sheila, and Alan's youngest sibling, his sister Maura. She could not describe the experience as anything other than falling in love with them. Especially contrasted by the estranged relationship with her own parents.

They spent a lot of time together, exploring New York's capital and its surroundings. They went to Niagara Falls, back to the gorge at Watkins Glen, and the St. Patrick's Day Parade. Devin, who was now studying in Albany full time, did not even mention the racing track during that visit.

As Michiru started to think of the upcoming wedding, she learned that it was too late to book any venue in New York City or its vicinity. People did so years in advance. Frustrated by the unexpected complications, she sat quietly at the dinner table, half-listening to what the Carey family members were talking about.

"You know, it doesn't have to be in New York." Alan suggested, noting how quiet Michiru got.

"But then where?"

"You're the bride, where would you like it to be? We're both Catholic, do you want it to be in a church? Do you want it to be on a beach, in the backyard? You tell me."

"I've always wanted a huge ceremony in a church." Maura shared from her end of the table.

Michiru never really had a dream wedding in mind. She did not give it any thought even after Alan proposed, she was too busy defending her acceptance and concentrating on her music. Michiru sighed. "What about an outdoor wedding?"

Alan shrugged. "It's in June, outside will probably be very nice. Where were you thinking of?"

"I wonder if we can get married at the gorge, in front of the waterfall."

A few eyebrows shut up to the middle of the foreheads and then excited chatter spread through the table.

"I think it's a fabulous idea. Let me see if the park allows it and who can perform the ceremony." Linda offered.

"You don't have to do that, we'll figure it out." Alan assured.

"Alan, dear, you guys have a lot of things on your mind as it is. Let us help you. I will make some calls on Monday and then I will let you know."

"Thanks, Linda." Michiru walked up and hugged her future sister-in-law.

**x x x**

At the end of April Paradigm was summoned to the label's office. They sat around the conference room table, awaiting news on their future. The original contract expired on May first. Simon Frank walked in, as always dressed in his signature navy suit. He sat down at the head of the table and looked at each one of them in turn.

"Well, I still remember your faces, that's good. Apparently so do your audiences." A collective sigh of relief escaped them. Simon threw four copies of a report on the table. "We conducted a poll and it seems that majority of the people we asked have heard of Paradigm in one context or the other. You'll find the results in the reports, that's for your own peace of mind." Simon stood up. "Congratulations, you've graduated from nobodies to someone people have interest in. Now, let's make you a household name." He walked to the side table and took a set of documents printed on legal-sized paper. "We would like to offer you a new contract for three years."

Simon passed the contract to Alan, who looked over it with Max.

"I'll give you time to read it over, but here is the gist. Three year term, renewable annually therefrom upon mutual agreement. Two albums. One composed of the four tracks that have been released previously and six new ones that you have to come up with within a year. The first album will be released next summer, promoted by a nationwide tour. Some of the shows will be in conjunction with other musicians and some will be your own. You will release another album within a year and a half, your touring schedule will fit many more shows once you graduate next summer. If you agree to the terms, we will start by shooting a video to one of your songs and some promotional material. You'll start performing live mid-June, just like last year."

"Compensation?" Alan asked, as the chosen leader of the band.

Simon smiled. "Fifty thousand each as a base salary, increasing by as much every year for these three years. Ten percent of the sales of the albums, also each. The shows will be compensated based on how well you rile up the crowds. Naturally, your own shows will be compensated at a higher rate. We will provide living quarters for you on both coasts, your transportation, rehearsal, and wardrobe expenses will be taken care of."

He gave them a moment to digest.

"We have a lease until the end of June." It was the first thing that came to Max's mind.

"That's fine. You'll get your own assistant for the band, she will take care of all these details."

"I thought that was your job."

"No, I make decisions that affect whether people recognize you on the street. My staff deals with other arrangements." Simon got up. "Read over the contract, see if you have any questions, I'll be back shortly."

They watched him leave and then stared back at the set of papers.

"Shouldn't we have a lawyer look at this?" Mark suggested.

"Or someone who would negotiate other terms?" Rob agreed.

"Should we get our own agent, considering that Simon is with the label?" Max wondered.

"Are we even in the position to negotiate? They agreed to our original request to let us finish school while working, I'd say that's pretty rare. They're paying us decent money, something we would get at best if we were looking for a job right out of school? We know they're gonna get more off of us than we will, but that's show biz for you." Alan reasoned. "Look, it's been a year and Simon didn't screw us over, not once. Why doubt him now and lawyer up?"

"You have a point, but so does every one of us."

"Are you guys unwilling to sign it until we get someone else? Are you willing to risk them changing their mind?"

"Fine." Rob threw his hands in the air. "At least read it to make sure that what Simon said is even in the contract."

"On it already." Max moved the papers she was reading closer to Alan.

After reading through the whole eleven pages of legal mumbo jumbo, members of Paradigm somewhat wearily signed the contract that pretty much set out their lives in black and white for the next three years.

**x x x**

With Linda's help, Alan and Michiru arranged for the wedding to take place at the gorge and chose a local restaurant for the reception. Their guest list was not long, including only Alan's family, Paradigm members, Amanda, and Michiru's parents. Michiru did not know if her parents would come, she assumed they would not since they have not answered her phone calls and have not sent her any money for almost six months. Nevertheless, she sent them the details of the wedding location, just in case they changed their minds.

The semester whined down and with a week to go before the wedding, Michiru and Amanda left for Albany to work on last minute organizational things. They picked up the wedding gown and the dresses for the maid of honor and the bridesmaids (Linda and Max). Linda booked a bed and breakfast for the bridal party and the parents by the gorge for the whole weekend the day she got an okay for the gorge. In a long run that proved to be most wise.

Alan and the rest of the band members came down to Albany on Thursday. His family flew in from Ireland the night before and Michiru's parents were a no-show. Friday morning they all set out for the short trip down to Watkins Glen to get everything set for the day after.

**x x x**

_I lay in bed the night before my wedding and thought about the step I was about to make. It was the first time I doubted my decision since the argument with my parents. You may call it a call of consciousness or the standard pre-wedding psychopathy. Whatever it was, it kept me up all night. In those eight sleepless hours, I never once doubted that I loved Alan and that I wanted to be with him. But, Amanda's words and the words of my parents kept repeating themselves in the back of my mind. I only started to experience life, I have had only one relationship before Alan. My personality was still developing. In the end, my feelings for Alan won over._

_When all hell broke loose all these years later, all kinds of accusations and speculations were made. Front pages of magazines and newspapers accused me of marrying because of Alan's success, because I was falling behind and wanted to make sure that he pulled me through, some even accused me of marrying him to get citizenship. Well, only the last one was even in the vicinity of benefits I got, even though it never crossed my mind before the wedding. I didn't even know he had dual citizenship. _

_I married Alan Carey for one reason and one reason only: I loved him._


	8. CH 7

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Haruka and Michiru's characters, they belong to Naoko Takeuchi. All other characters and this story belong to me.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**AN:** Thanks for the reviews! So, let's just say I've been procrastinating and not studying as much as I should, thus here's a new chapter for you.

_**petiyaka:**_ I'm glad you like the friendship between the girls, sorry to rain on that parade, though (you'll see what I mean). Now, love, you and I need to talk about those days in the dorms :P maybe over some 'geisha girls' :)

_**Tenoh and Kaioh:**_ drama enters here (got that popcorn?)

_**lostinhersong: **_I think last chapter officially ended the intro stage of the fic, I know, it was a long one. Now it's more like let's change things up and see where we end up :)

_**Arufa: **_I'll make up for lack of Haruka when she talks about herself later

_**SeraEris:**_ Again, thanks for the virtual hug and pat on the head that I apparently needed :)

_**Jay:**_ Thank you, I'll try to do so :)

_**imjce: **_Seriously, if you ever heard me sing, you'd never give into temptation :P My native language is in Cyrillic, I don't think many of my readers would get it ;)

_**Mantaray:**_ I'm thinking I'm gonna put Michiru in hell and let herself figure it out, then I'll put her in an other hell, Haruka being the devil in that one :) (I know, totally confusing)

_**Fusionmix:**_ Yeah, well, I decided to change things up and thanks :)

_**Bleacher27: **_Every relationship runs its course, let me know when we get to 9 what you think

Okay, so words in "..." are in English, words in "'...'" are in Japanese starting here and for the rest of the story.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**Chapter 7**

Tired of twisting and turning, Michiru got out of bed, put on velour sweatpants, a t-shirt and a matching zip-up and left her room. It was barely past four o'clock in the morning and the sun did not even graze the horizon. They stayed at a bed and breakfast outside of the downtown area, simply because that particular inn had the exact amount of rooms they needed and none of them were reserved back in March. It was located right on the side of the lake and nothing but the spotlights directed at the shrubbery illuminated the area. Michiru let her eyes adjust to the darkness and walked towards the lake. Some distance away, the scattered lights from other lakeside houses reflected in the calm water.

Michiru walked the shore until she came across a small deck that extended into the lake, a miniature version of the pier, and carefully walked to its very end. She sat down, taking her sneakers off and rolling up her pants. Putting her feet in the warm water, Michiru let out a satisfied sigh. She closed her eyes and just enjoyed the quiet. Surprisingly, the water was warmer than the air and a light breeze tickled Michiru's neck. She shivered slightly and put the hood over her head, smoothing the hair away underneath. Satisfied, she leaned against the railing post and watched the lights play on the surface of the water.

"I hope you're not going for a swim."

She turned around at the unfamiliar voice behind her. In the darkness, she could see no more than a silhouette of someone dressed much like her.

"Why not?"

"Well, for one it's too dark, and two, no one would hear you if you called for help." The stranger walked up and stood just behind Michiru. Dark blue jeans came in her peripheral vision.

Michiru turned back to the water. "Can I swim while you're standing here, then?"

The stranger chuckled. "Be my guest. Although, something tells me that that's not why you're here."

"Why not?"

"Perhaps because I've never seen people swim at four in the morning, unless they were partying? People usually do what you're doing when they need some time and or space to think."

"If that was the case and you knew it all along, aren't you intruding?"

The stranger laughed quietly. "You're on my deck."

Michiru turned around, scrambling to her feet. "I'm sorry, I didn't realize it was a private deck."

A hand on her shoulder pushed her back down. "That's fine. I didn't come here to make you leave."

Michiru looked at the hand that was still on her shoulder. "Why did you come here?"

The stranger stepped away, crossing arms in front of a chest clad in a black zip-up and shrugged. "To enjoy some last moments of peace."

"Why are they last?"

"Don't you know? It's Indy Grand Prix weekend at the Glen. This town is swarming with people."

Michiru had no idea what 'Indy Grand Prix' was, but she did notice people everywhere the day before. There never has been that many people here in her past visits, but she assumed that it was because of the summer season.

"I forgot that there was a racing track here." Michiru answered.

"So what are you here for then?"

"I'm getting married."

The stranger whistled. "Congratulations. Don't worry, as far as I know everyone has second thoughts the day before."

"Are you a mind reader too?"

"No, but you're staying at my aunt's b&b. I've seen many brides in my time around here, so I know how it usually goes."

"How many of them come out to the deck at four in the morning?"

They both chuckled. "You're not the first. Sorry."

"No, thank you, that's actually reassuring."

"No problem." The stranger pulled out a cellphone and looked at the time. "Unfortunately, my day begins in fifteen minutes. Don't stress out and have a lovely wedding."

"Thank you."

She watched the dark figure walk back towards the shore and disappear behind some trees. She could not tell why, but that short interaction made her feel better. Gave her a peace of mind she so desperately needed, despite the fact that they never spoke of anything that really concerned her. Michiru walked back to her room and finally fell asleep.

**x x x**

Amanda woke her up just before nine. The breakfast was served and Michiru joined her party. Everyone assembled around a long heavy table and the owners invited them to the meal.

"How did you sleep?" Alan asked, noticing the circles under Michiru's eyes.

"I went for a walk in the middle of the night and then slept like a baby." She smiled reassuringly.

"You went for a walk in the middle of the night?" Sheila asked, worried.

"Uh huh. Just to the lake. I sat on the deck for a while." Michiru looked at the owners who sat to her left. "I ran into your nephew."

Mrs. Elroy, their hostess, quickly put the cup of coffee she was raising to her lips down. "You ran into my nephew?"

Michiru was confused by the surprised expression on Mrs. Elroy's face. "He said his aunt owned the bed and breakfast I'm staying at."

Mrs. Elroy looked at her husband. "Haruka is in town?"

Devin almost choked on the bacon. "Did you say 'Haruka'?"

Mrs. Elroy looked at her guests. "I am sorry, that was inappropriate of me. Would anyone like any more coffee?" She got up and walked around the table with the coffee pot, refilling the cups.

Devin stared at his older brother and Alan just shrugged. He suspected that there was only one Haruka in town and that by accident the racer was related to the family that owned the b&b. He waited for Devin to realize that Michiru most likely talked to the racer while she was out.

After not getting any response from Mrs. Elroy and not wanting to ask again out of respect for what his parents taught him, the wheels in Devin's head finally connected the dots. He turned to Michiru.

"You talked to Haruka?"

"I talked to someone."

"How could you not know? What did you talk about? I can't believe this!"

"How would I know?" Michiru protested. "First of all, it was still dark, second of all, I've never seen him before. And we didn't talk about anything specific. We didn't talk long."

Devin was going to say something else, but Kevin's hand on his shoulder restrained him from doing so. Feeling like the atmosphere was getting a little too heavy for a wedding day, Amanda changed the subject.

**x x x**

They took Route 14 down to the park. Alan and his groomsmen, Mark, Kevin, and Devin, left earlier to make sure that everything was set. Rob, who volunteered to be a photographer for the event, Maura and her parents followed shortly after. Michiru, Amanda, Linda and Max were putting the last minute touches to their looks. None of them gave a second thought to the light tap on the door.

"Come in." Linda shouted and Amanda pulled the door open.

"I think these people may be looking for you." Mrs. Elroy stepped away to reveal Michiru's parents standing in the hallway behind her. Michiru dropped the comb she was holding.

"Let's give them a moment." Max walked out of the door, politely nodding to the elder Kaiohs on her way out.

"'Okaa-san? Otou-san? What are you doing here?'" Michiru mentally smashed herself on the head for the obviousness of her own question.

Her parents came in and closed the door. "'We have given it some consideration and, seeing how you are intending to go through with this…'" Her father was looking for words.

"'We just want you to be happy, Michiru-chan. If you feel that this is the right thing to do, then we cannot stand in your way more than we already have.'" Her mother walked up and cupped her cheek. "'We want you to know that you have family, you have us, no matter what happens in life. You may love other people and you may feel close to them at one point or another, closer than you feel to us, but we are the only people that will stand by you no matter the choices you make until the day we die.'" A tear ran down her mother's cheek and Michiru had to blink vigorously to not ruin her own makeup.

"'I'm sorry we made a rash judgment.'" Her father walked up to Michiru as well.

"'And I'm sorry that it took us so long to come to our senses.'"

Michiru did not let them say anymore, hugging them both. "'I'm sorry for all the terrible things I have said to you. I love you both and it matters the world to me that you came.'"

**x x x**

The ceremony began a little later than originally planned, in part due to the time Michiru spent with her parents, and in part due to the congestion because of the race. Other than that, it went without a glitch. Just as many people have told her, Michiru remembered still images of her wedding and the experience of it all. She felt really special, almost as special as she did when she won the competition.

They took pictures at the gorge, by the lake, and any other place that caught their attention. Later, they had a dinner filled with wishes for the newlyweds and some outdoor slow dancing afterwards. As the day grew to its close, they all returned back to the bed and breakfast.

Michiru's parents gave them a honeymoon in Hawaii as a present. It was a week long and began that Monday. Michiru thanked the stars that it was the only week they had left before Paradigm was starting their performances again.

**x x x**

After breakfast on Sunday, the wedding party departed Watkins Glen and headed back to Albany. The Carey family with the exception of Devin and Alan rode in the minivan, Amanda, Mark, Max and Rob rode in Linda's sedan, and the newlyweds accompanied by Michiru's parents and Devin drove the rented Highlander. Michiru did not know if she should be happy that Devin was in the car with them or regret it. His mouth did not seem to close. It was good in a sense that there was no need to talk to her parents or try to make them communicate with Alan, Devin could not be stopped. If only he talked about anything other than racing.

In a year that Michiru lived with Alan and Mark, she did come across a number of televised races, but she never really paid any attention to them. She was either too busy, too exhausted, or simply uninterested. Devin, on the other hand, kept going on and on about the past races, the scheduled races, and so on and so forth to the point where she almost wanted to scream.

It did not help, of course, that they have been sitting in a traffic jam for over two hours at that point. Different events were held at the Glen that weekend and some people did not stay for the whole three days, so they were on the way back to the throughway as well.

"Is there another road we can take?" Michiru turned to Alan, who was driving.

"No, we need to get to the highway and all these people are doing the same. It's just our luck I guess." He looked at the never ending row of cars in front of them.

As the opposite lane cleared, they felt more than heard another car zoom past them. It was black, unmarked and completely tinted. Devin jumped between the two front seats, trying to see what it was. "I wonder if that was Haruka."

"Aye, I'm sure that every speeding car is driven by your idol, brother."

Devin paid no attention to his brother's sarcasm. "In case he's going to the airport, just like you guys are…" He pulled out his phone and found a picture. "...this is what he looks like, Mich. So you know to ask for an autograph for your new brother-in-law."

Michiru shook her head in exasperation and took the phone. There was something very familiar in the image she saw. An unsettling feeling crept up in her system. She tried to mentally compare the person she saw to the one she spoke to the day before. Tall, lean… that was about it. The short blonde hair was hidden under a baseball cap that night and there was no way she would have distinguished the color of those bluish grayish eyes. She handed the phone back to Devin.

"Haruka Tenoh, twenty years old. Born… I don't actually know where, but I know he's from around here. Remember, we met his father, Charlie at the Glen. And now we know that his aunt owns the bed and breakfast we stayed at. Umm… I don't know if he has a girlfriend right now, he was dating someone last year, based on the Internet."

"Because that is such a trustworthy source." Alan put in and Michiru chuckled.

"Well, whatever. I'll finish my engineering degree and then I'll get on his team."

"What are you going to do on his team with an engineering degree?"

"I don't care if I change tires in the pit, I just want to be a part of the team."

Alan and Michiru looked at each other skeptically and shrugged it off. Even though they were not much older; to them, Devin was still just a kid.

**x x x**

Their honeymoon was the only week since they met and would prove to be the only time in the future that Michiru and Alan spent by themselves and without their instruments. If it was possible, they fell in love with each other even more. They had their private hut and the days were spent between the beach, the restaurants, and dozing off in a hammock in the shade by the hut. It was utterly relaxing, something both of them needed after the two hellish years. They came back looking healthier and happier. Their serenity did not last long, though.

The roommates gathered in the living room to discuss their current situation.

"Simon called while you were out. He got us a loft in Tribeca."

"What? That's on the other end of Manhattan! It will take us a while to get there." Michiru cried out.

"Half an hour or so, we checked it out." Max continued.

"Why Tribeca?" Alan asked evenly.

"Simon says…" Rob chuckled as he spoke. "Simon says that it's a trendy area for someone who's about to become famous to stay in."

They did not have a say in this and they all knew it. "Lindsey, the assistant he assigned us to, will give you a tour tomorrow."

"Okay." Alan rubbed the back of his neck. "How big is it?"

"Oh, it's big." Rob jumped in again. "Twenty-five hundred square feet. State of the art kitchen, four bedrooms."

"Wait, four bedrooms?" Michiru looked up.

"Yes, one for each of the band members." Mark explained.

"But…" Michiru looked up at Amanda. She assumed that she would move with Alan, being his wife and all, but Michiru completely forgot about her friend. It felt wrong to leave her behind as they moved on.

"Don't worry, she'll bunk with me." Max announced nonchalantly. Unbeknown to her, Michiru was the only one unaware of the relationship between the two women at that point. Alan figured it out a while back and Mark and Rob were told when they balked against Amanda moving with them.

Michiru nodded thoughtfully. "Do we need new furniture again?"

"No, it comes fully furnished. We're not supposed to worry about anything other than work from this point on."

"Lovely." Alan wrapped his hand around Michiru, bringing her closer. Somehow none of the people in the room were happy.

**x x x**

They visited the loft the next day. It had a floor plan that almost mirrored the apartment they lived in for the past year: the large kitchen, living room and dining area were on the left, four bedrooms with in-suite baths occupied the right side. Two bedrooms on each side of the hallway. An entranceway had a walk-in closet and a half bath. The loft was furnished in a contemporary style with subtle East Asian overtones, which Michiru in particular found quite pleasant. They agreed that Rob and Mark would stay on one side of the hallway, while the rest of them would occupy the opposite bedrooms.

Not having any time to delay the move, they brought their personal belongings over and put the furniture for sale. Amanda and Michiru took it upon themselves to do the grocery shopping. They were walking through a grocery store, gathering items to populate their completely empty double-sided fridge.

"When are you leaving?"

"The competition starts on Tuesday, the fourth, so I was thinking of leaving the Friday before. It should give me time to settle in and rehearse."

"I wish I could do an international competition. You're so lucky, going to all these countries."

"Amanda, I've only been out of the country once and I failed miserably."

"True, still, you get to see the world."

"I'm sure you'll get to see much more of it when you become a part of a theater and do international travel."

"Maybe."

Michiru watched her wearily. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I just… I think I want to do movies."

"I thought your dream was to be on Broadway?"

"It used to be. But… I mean, I love what I do, but… look at all of you, you're so successful already. Your husband's band is going to go national, maybe even international. You're winning competitions. I'm the only one who's lacking behind."

"Amanda, that's not true." Michiru left the shopping cart and hugged her friend from the back. "I only won one competition, and I lost one. We're musicians, our careers develop differently from yours. You've done so many plays already, everybody on campus knows you and you're only half way through the degree. We have our whole lives ahead of us. Please don't get discouraged now."

Amanda smiled sadly and patted Michiru on the arm. "Don't worry, I know I can start with theater and then buy myself a ticket in the movie industry."

"That sounds more like you."

They chuckled and Amanda changed the subject. The two finished shopping, paid for their purchases and walked down the street to the building that was their new home. Michiru froze to the ground as she saw a man across the street kiss passionately a woman she has never seen before. Michiru looked at Amanda, hoping that the latter was looking in another direction, but Amanda was looking at the couple as well.

"I-I…" Michiru stammered. "I don't know what to say, Amanda… I'm so sorry."

"Why?"

"Because Mark is…" Michiru pointed across the street. "That?"

Amanda laughed. "Oh please, it's his new girlfriend. She's a model of some sort he met at his mother's pool party."

"But I thought -"

"Yeah, you think too much. I kept telling you that there is nothing between me and Mark. You're the one who didn't believe me." Amanda nudged Michiru with her elbow, since their hands were occupied with bags. "Come on, let's go make some dinner."

**x x x**

As Paradigm started performing locally, Michiru spent every day practicing for the upcoming competition. The only time she would see Alan was when he got home, generally later than she did, and when she woke up, generally earlier than he did. Still, the nights were all theirs.

Michiru's internal clock woke her up at six in the morning out of habit. Her head was resting on Alan's shoulder and his exposed chest rose evenly under her hand. She played with the texture of his skin for a while before the final drops of sleep left her system and she pulled away without any enthusiasm. Today was the day she left for her competition in Leipzig, Germany, so Michiru made an exception and did not work out. Instead, she took a long shower and checked to make sure that she packed everything she needed. Checking her watch, she saw that it was past seven. She walked back into the bedroom and leaned over her husband.

"Hey, sleeping beauty, I'm leaving."

He opened his clouded blue eyes and cupped her cheek. "Already?"

"Uh huh."

"Are you sure you don't want me to go to the airport with you?"

"You won't make it back before the session and make Simon angry."

"Screw Simon."

She chuckled. "I don't think you can do that yet."

He sighed and brought her closer. "Okay. Promise me to call when you get on the plane and when you land."

She kissed him. "I promise."

"You'll win this one too."

Michiru smiled. "I'll do my best."

She left the room and knocked on the one next door quietly. She did not want to wake any of the band members up. Silence was her response and she knocked a little louder. Still not having any luck, Michiru turned the knob. Unlike the apartment they rented before, none of these doors had locks on them. Michiru cracked the door open and whispered into the darkness.

"Amanda." She opened the door a little wider, allowing the light from the hallway to illuminate the outline of a bed. "Amanda, wake up, you have a busy day." Amanda was playing a lead role in a play that day. She had last-minute rehearsals and preparations to attend to before the big night.

Michiru tsked quietly and flipped on the lights. "Amanda, get your ass out of -" Her eyes fell on Amanda, who just raised her sleepy head, but was still cuddled up to Max. Michiru's eyes doubled as the sudden realization hit her. She turned around as Amanda made an attempt to get out of bed, only to trip on the tangled sheets and land on Max with all her weight.

"Mich, wait." Amanda tore the sheet from Max who was now wheezing in pain and followed her friend. Michiru was hauling her suitcase towards the door out of the loft, balancing her violin case and her purse in one hand.

"Michiru, let me explain." Amanda ran through the hallway down to the entranceway, only to have a door close in her face. She swung it open and contemplated following Michiru, but the violinist stepped into the elevator and Amanda knew that she lost her chance. She walked back to the apartment, tears streaming down her face. Max, fully dressed in record time, was pocketing her wallet.

"S-she… she just left." Amanda sobbed.

"I know Mandy." Max threw a zip-up on and walked up to her girlfriend. "Go get ready for your big day." She dried the tears away.

"But-"

"Don't worry about it. Do what you were supposed to do. I got it." She kissed Amanda on the lips, as always taking all uncertainties the younger woman had away.

**x x x**

Michiru got on the subway train and sat down in the corner of the cart, bringing her luggage close. Her hands shook both from the adrenalin rush of the mad run she just endured to the station, as though the devil was behind her, and the fury that filled her entire system. She considered Amanda her best friend. How could she not know? How could Amanda hide it from her for almost two years? Michiru wiped the angry tears and forced herself to push all thoughts of Amanda out.

She made it to the terminal earlier than needed and checked in her suitcase without any rush. Michiru made her way to the line that was just forming for the security check. She almost jumped when someone put a hand on her shoulder and pulled her away.

"Let's talk."

Michiru turned around to see Max standing behind her. "There is nothing to talk about."

Max sighed, grabbed Michiru by the arm and dragged her to the mostly empty waiting area. She checked her watch to make sure that there was enough time before the flight and let go of the violinist when they were out of everyone's earshot. "You can't leave like that."

"Sure I can." Michiru seethed through her teeth. "How could you?" She stared down at Max, as though she was the taller one of the two. "How could you not tell me? How long, Max? How long?"

"Since the first visit to the Hamptons."

Michiru took a step back. "You lied to me for two years?"

"Nobody lied to you, Michiru."

"You have been dating my best friend for two years and did not tell me!"

"If she's your best friend, you should've known!" Max pinched the bridge of her nose. "Listen, I'm sorry… it was never our intent to deceive you in any way. Amanda did not want to let anybody know because she's not comfortable with it."

The notion of Amanda being uncomfortable with anything was entirely foreign to Michiru. "I'm not anybody. I'm supposed to be her best friend! She should have told me." A lightbulb went on in Michiru's head. "Wait a second. Do the others know?" Max just kept looking at her and Michiru lowered her voice to a barely audible one. "Do they know, Max?"

"Yes, they do."

"How long have they known?"

"Why does it even mater?"

"HOW LONG?"

"Alan has known for a year, we told Rob and Mark when you were in Hawaii."

Now Michiru felt even more offended. She could not believe Alan would hide something like this from her. She felt miserable, like she was suddenly on a different plane from the rest of them and they did not care. Tears streamed down her cheeks, tears of hurt and disappointment.

"Oh please, don't do this to me. What am I supposed to do if you're crying?" Max asked, almost fearfully. Her heart was strangely moved by the pain in Michiru's eyes. She took a step forward and hugged Michiru close, gently stroking her on the back of the head. "I'm sorry, Michiru. We never meant to hurt you. Amanda was harassed in school and she's afraid to tell others, afraid that they will judge her like those stupid kids. It's not about you, it's about her. And it wasn't my secret to tell. For Pete's sake, you know my deepest secrets. Even ones Amanda doesn't know."

Michiru cried on Max's shoulder and listened to the soothing words. They rang true. She held Max close with her free hand. "So if you could share something so personal with me, how come my best friend couldn't?"

"I don't know." She really did not. "But you need to call her before you leave and you two need to figure it out. Because if you don't, it will affect her performance tonight and your performance on Tuesday. You don't need anything weighing on your mind."

Michiru thought about it as she separated herself from the older girl and dried her tears. She seriously doubted that she could simply put everything that just happened behind. But, as it was, she knew Max was right. She already lost one competition because her mind was plagued by her decision to marry. She could not enter another competition thinking of her relationship with Amanda.

"Fine, I'll call her."

"Promise?"

"I do."

"Do you want me to be here when you call?"

Michiru shook her head. "No, she's probably on the train now anyway. I'll call her when I pass security."

Max contemplated something but shook it off. "Okay. Don't worry about any of this, at least until you get back. Good luck."

Michiru nodded. "Thank you." She gave Max a hug and they walked back to the end of the line. "You didn't have to come."

Max chuckled. "Sure I did."

"Thank you for that too."

"No problem." Max stepped away as Michiru entered the line separated by a black rope. "Safe flight."

"Bye Max."

"Bye Mich."

Max waited until Michiru successfully passed security and then left the airport, already knowing that the band was waiting for her at the studio and that she would get in another argument with Simon.

**x x x**

As promised, Michiru dialed Amanda's number when she found her gate. She stepped to the large window and listened to the long rings on the other end of the line. She was about to hang up when Amanda picked up the phone.

"Hi."

"Hi."

"I'm so sorry Mich, I'm so happy you called me. I just… I didn't want to hide it from you, but I didn't want anyone to know. I was afraid of what you would think."

"What was I supposed to think?"

"You don't have any idea what I've been through…"

"Of course I don't, you've never shared it with me. How would I know?"

"But I never lied to you. You thought I was dating Mark and I told you I wasn't."

"Amanda, there was a moment in the past when I clearly remember asking you if you had a boyfriend or a girlfriend and you said that you had neither."

A long silence stretched between the two. "I didn't have either at the time. We just had a no strings attached relationship for a while."

"The fact that I asked you if you had a girlfriend should have told you that I have no problem with it. This is pointless, Amanda. You hid something from me and it's not just going to blow over. However, it's not like I'm not going to be your friend anymore. I just need time to vent and I'm happy that we will have this week apart. I'm not going to think about this after I hang up and I suggest that you do the same."

"So you don't hate me?"

Did Michiru hate her? No, she did not hate Amanda, she was disappointed in her. She was disappointed in their friendship. "No, Amanda, I don't hate you. You're still my friend and I will see you when I get back. Good luck with your performance tonight."

"Thank you. Good luck with your competition."

**x x x**

_Friends. Friendships used to be a foreign concept to me, until I learned through experience that just like with any relationship, friendship is a battle. We fight to keep friendships intact so that we have someone in life who we can depend on, can share our deepest secrets with, laugh when they are happy and cry when they are sad. Help them when they are in need and get help when we are the ones who need it. I used to walk away from those battles. I did not consider them worth fighting, because I did not know what the purpose was. I let my first friendship slip past me. _


	9. CH 8

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Haruka and Michiru's characters, they belong to Naoko Takeuchi. All other characters and this story belong to me.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**AN:** Thanks for the reviews! Yes, I've been nice… updating when I shouldn't (pets herself on the head) because I get bored of studying (gives herself a smack on the back of the head)… okay, okay, this is just five minutes of my time… jeez :P

_**petiyaka:**_ my charming self shall never bring inappropriate things up in public :) As to the story, I think the girls just weren't ready to put their careers behind and share what was really important, so they lost it.

_**SeraEris:**_ well, this is the pre-drama drama chapter (I know, makes no sense). Count down to Haruka: this one and one to go…

_**Tenoh and Kaioh:**_ you mean not like my first fic? Where Haruka and Michiru are both born into money? Yeah, I wanted to go a bit of a different route. Thanks for the catch at the beginning of the chapter - funny thing, I saw it and then forgot to correct it… oh well.

_**Mantaray: **_you're on to something ;) but Michiru's life will still be miserable in the next chapter.

_**Arufa: **_(hugs back and gently pats on the back) there you go, enjoy.

_**Jay:**_ Thanks!

(pressing the 'enter' button and turning back to her books) Have fun!

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**Chapter 8**

The Bach Competition Leipzig is one of the major international competitions for young artists who have chosen piano, harpsichord, or violin. It is held every four years and is open to all qualifying musicians between the ages of sixteen and thirty-two. Michiru has chosen to participate in this particular competition because of its emphasis on the performance in a historical style associated with Baroque. Though she liked the unlimited possibilities her instrument possessed with modern day technology, as demonstrated to her by Alan, Michiru was still drawn to something she has initially fell in love with - the classical music. The only downside of this competition was that the stage manner was judged upon, and Michiru, despite all of her school performances, was still apprehensive about performing on stage by herself.

She took a train from Berlin to Leipzig and then hauled a taxi for the Seaside Park Hotel. The first thing Michiru did after she settled in was find a place to rehearse. The weekend came and went, spent doing exactly that. The competition started on Tuesday and lasted through Saturday. Michiru attended the sessions for all three instruments, both to expose herself to other instruments and to learn something about the judges.

Whether it was the practice, the reassuring feeling she felt after watching others compete, or pure luck, Michiru advanced to the finals. As Saturday morning came and Michiru has not had an ounce of sleep, all her stage fright, all her fears, all her worries came back. She wished there was someone to reassure her before she took that first step to the stage, like Mark did for the first live performance with Paradigm, like her orchestra mates did before their big performances. For the second time in two years Michiru was all alone and it was extremely unsettling. She missed her husband, she missed her friends. She went on a complete rampage through her hotel room in the morning, trying to find something to calm her down.

As though sensing her state, Alan called her at a reasonably early hour, not wanting to wake her up in case she did fall asleep. The conversation made her feel a little better and Michiru was able to get herself ready and out of the hotel. As she neared the competition venue, her hands started to shake visibly. She mentally cursed her nerves and tightened the grip on her violin case.

She watched the beginning of the competition from the back of the audience, but this time it did nothing to help her. Michiru left the concert hall and made her way backstage. The phone vibrated in her purse. She picked it up without looking at the screen.

"Hello?"

"_Just close your eyes and forget that anyone is there. This is between you and Bach. Enjoy the piece he wrote, make it a date."_

Michiru laughed. "That's quite a way with words. Have you been thinking about it for long?"

"_No, but Alan is worried about you and it's throwing his rhythm off, so we cancelled the practice and I figured I'd give you a call."_

"Thant's very sweet of you."

"_Right. Anyway, how long do you have to wait?"_

"I'm going last."

"_Oooh, tough."_

"Thanks, Max, that's very helpful."

"_Nah, you'll be fine. Just remember, no one else but you matters. Give us a call when you get your prize."_

"And if I don't?"

"_Then I'll be waiting at the airport with kleenex."_

Michiru laughed again, causing some of the people to look at her strangely. "I miss you."

"_We all miss you too, but we'll see you soon and don't forget, the celebration is on you."_

"I won't dare."

"_Good. Best of luck, Michiru."_

"Thanks, Max."

Michiru hang up the phone and held it close to her heart. She did have a best friend after all. Whether her friend knew of it or not.

**x x x**

Michiru's playing skill was highly praised, but her stage presence was not up to par with her talent, despite the reassurances. As a result, she took the second place, taking home ten thousand Euros and a list of opportunities for concert engagements in the future. Though it was not the best she could do, it was her first victory in an international competition and Michiru was ecstatic.

Back home she was once again pulled into the daily rehearsals with the orchestra, the performances around New York, and a number of engagements with Paradigm. The band was doing rather well, to the point where Simon agreed to provide them with musicians for their new songs. Alan composed parts for a cello, a flute, and a harp in the three latest songs. Paradigm toured East and West Coasts, worked on recording of their first full album, and had a series of their first interviews.

It was all a rush of activities, decisions, accomplishments, and duties. Michiru was now compensated for her performances with the band based on her own contract and did not view it as much of simply a distraction as she did before. Her time with Alan was even more limited than in the past year, but it made for more meaningful reunions. Her relationship with Amanda became more distant, while her relationship with Max stayed pretty much the same: there would be occasional heart to heart, but overall they steered clear of each other.

The third year at Juilliard brought more challenges and more opportunities, which Michiru was unwilling to miss out on. Alan, Mark, and Rob, on the other hand, spent the minimum time and effort required to finish off their last year. They had a contract, they had a future, they had obligations to fulfill.

The day the three of them graduated, they did not simply obtain a degree. They got an opportunity to finally be full-time members of their own band. It opened a new chapter in their lives, one that affected themselves, Michiru and Amanda.

**x x x**

Just like the year before, Michiru planned a number of engagements for herself in the summer. There was the Sendai International Music Competition at the end of May in Japan, where Michiru once again took a second place. Then there were concerts in Germany, as part of her prize award from last year's competition. Then there were the regular activities with the orchestra back home and occasional performances with Paradigm.

Nothing memorable happened in the year that past; their greatest accomplishment was the natural process of maturity, both in a personal and professional sense. At the end of the summer only Amanda and Michiru returned to Juilliard. Both had a lot of stakes riding on the last year, both hoping to find a job or an opportunity by the time they graduated. Michiru's last competition before her graduation was scheduled to take place at the end of September in Italy. It was the 'Premio Paganini' international competition and Michiru set everything she had in herself on it. The stage fright dissipated as she worked on it throughout the year, the recurring rehearsals where Michiru constantly challenged herself helped further develop her skills.

When she took the first prize home, Michiru Kaioh truly deserved it. Her reward was twenty-five thousand Euros, but it faded in comparison to the experience Michiru was awarded as part of her winning the competition. Just like every winner of the competition before her, Michiru was given an opportunity to perform at the closing ceremony, playing Paganini's violin 'Cannone.' Michiru found it most thrilling to have an instrument of such rich history in her hands. As she played on stage, with her eyes closed, she wished that one day she had her own special violin.

Michiru's placement in the competition further provided her with concert engagements, recitals, and recording sessions. Though there was no CD production or contract with a label, Michiru at least knew that her summer after graduation would be filled with professional work.

Graduation came by too quickly, putting an end to one chaotic schedule and allowing both women to take on another. Amanda was successful at getting some roles in Broadway plays, while Michiru coordinated with her Italian liaison regarding the concerts and so on. She was hoping to spend a significant amount of time in Europe.

**x x x**

It was a week before Michiru was scheduled to fly to Italy, and it happened to be the only week she took off. Paradigm was recording their second video, while Amanda seemed to disappear first thing every morning, beforeMichiru even got up. Deciding that she deserved something nice for herself, Michiru scheduled a half-day spa appointment to restore whatever was left of her radiance. It turned out to be the best thing she has done for herself in years. Up to that point Michiru did not even realize how seaweed treatment and a Swedish massage could bring one back to life. She smiled to herself, carefully extracting the keys with her freshly manicured French nails and entered the loft that has been home for the past two years. Setting the keys on a side table, she dropped her purse on the living room couch and walked to the kitchen to grab a glass of water.

Michiru assumed that she was alone in the loft, so when she heard voices, she just froze where she was standing, in the dining room, hidden from the opposite side of the loft by the kitchen.

"Please tell me this isn't true." Max's voice was a notch above her normal tone.

"This isn't true."

"Don't play games with me, Amanda."

"You asked me, I told you. I have to go, Max, I have a meeting."

"Did you or did you not?"

"What do you want me to tell you?"

"The truth!" Max's words echoed through the loft.

"I did. What does it matter anyway?"

Max made a strange sound that Michiru could not identify. "I'll tell you what it matters. Give me your key."

"Excuse me?"

Michiru saw Amanda walk into the opening between the entryway, the kitchen, and the dining room. She turned around and stared back at Max.

"Pass them here."

Max walked into Michiru's line of vision, her hand extended. Amanda grabbed her set of keys from the side table and threw them at Max. "Happy?"

"Not nearly."

Amanda muttered something under her breath and left the apartment. Michiru still stood there, with her glass in the air. Max finally turned and their eyes connected.

"What happened?" Michiru put the glass down on the table.

"Amanda outdid herself."

"What do you mean?"

"She got herself a movie role."

"What? I thought she was going to do plays on Broadway. Wait, how?"

Max's gaze did not waver. "She slept with the producer."

Michiru was at a loss of words. "I'm sorry, Max."

Max shrugged and walked to the living room, ending up at the window. Michiru walked up unsurely and put a hand around Max's shoulders. "What are you going to do?"

"What I just did."

It only dawned on Michiru then that Max essentially locked Amanda out of the loft. "All of her things are here… You just need to talk about this."

"There's nothing to talk about, Michiru."

"Max, but she's with you. She's Amanda, she probably thought that having sex with a man wouldn't affect your relationship."

Max turned around. "So if you're gay you can fuck anyone of the opposite gender and it doesn't count? I don't think even Amanda is that stupid and I hope you did not just suggest that."

Michiru pulled her hand away. "You've been together for too long and through too much to make one mistake change all of that."

Max pinched the bridge of her nose. "Michiru… I know that you're trying to make me feel better, but to be honest, you suck at it." She looked straight in the slightly widened blues. "Amanda and I are over."

She walked to her bedroom and closed the door shut. Michiru stood in the living room, unsure what she felt, not knowing how to proceed. Her first reaction was to call Alan and ask him for advice, but then she remembered how he never told her that the two were dating. That hurt feeling from two years ago prevented her from doing so. She contemplated calling Amanda, but she had nothing nice to say to her. If this relationship was going to end in a divorce, Michiru already made her pick. She picked the woman that cared about her and did not have secrets from her.

**x x x**

Max packed Amanda's things during the day and shocked Amanda, who assumed that their little argument would blow over by the time she made it home. Despite the pleading that soon turned to yelling, Max did not relent. She wanted Amanda out of her room, out of her loft, and out of her life. Enraged by the perspective of leaving in the evening with nowhere to go, Amanda told Max of all the other men she slept with in the past three years.

Everybody else stayed out of their argument and hid in their rooms, out of harm's way. As the front door was finally shut with a bang, Michiru assumed that Amanda was gone and that she should talk to Max. Alan grabbed her hand as she was about to leave the bedroom.

"Give her time, love."

"But -"

He shook his head and pulled her to the bed. Alan sat against the headboard and Michiru made herself comfortable in his lap. "Have you cheated on me?"

He sighed. "Just because Amanda cheated on Max, doesn't mean I cheated on you."

"You didn't answer my question."

"No Mich, I've never cheated on you, never will."

He looked in her face. "Have you?"

Michiru chuckled. "No."

Alan kissed her forehead. "See, there's nothing to worry about."

"Except for all those crazy girls that surround Paradigm."

"None of them matter when I have you. I love you, Mich."

"I love you too."

**x x x**

Michiru watched Max covertly for the next few days, waiting for some sign of distress. Max was quieter than usual and her eyes were a bit more puffy in the mornings, but other than that Michiru was not able to see anything out of the ordinary.

She got her share of worry when she returned from grocery shopping one evening and found Max in the kitchen in a pool of blood. Michiru dropped her bags on the floor, grabbed a kitchen towel and ran to Max, who was nursing her bleeding hand.

"Oh Max… what did you do?" Michiru reached for the hand with the towel, but Max only turned away.

"Wait, I'm getting pieces of glass out."

It was then that Michiru noticed that large shards of glass lay on the counter. The smell of alcohol was also quite apparent. Michiru put the towel in a clean spot and got some paper towels to clean up the mess. Her eyes inadvertently were drawn by the ragged cut that extended from the side of Max's hand down to her wrist. Michiru swallowed and noticed that her own hands were shaking.

Max expected her bleeding wound with some satisfaction as she pulled the last piece of glass out. She applied the towel, wincing slightly, and looked at Michiru. The violinist was uncharacteristically pale and slightly trembling. "I just broke a glass, Michiru."

Michiru looked up as she continued wiping the blood away. "Whatever you did, you need stitches, Max."

"Whatever I did? What -" Max narrowed her eyes. "What exactly do you think I did?"

Michiru averted her eyes and left to throw away the dirty towels she has collected. She returned within a minute with a wet soapy sponge and more paper towels. Max put her index finger under Michiru's chin. "If I wanted to kill myself, I know how to do that, Mich. I also know how to cut myself to relieve the pain and not draw too much blood. I didn't do that either, you can check my whole body. Amanda isn't worth it."

Michiru let go of the sponge and hugged her friend close. Tears ran down her cheeks and fell on Max's neck. "I don't want anything to happen to you."

"Nothing will happen to me. I just smashed my drink down on the counter, forgetting that granite was stronger than glass. The base was thicker and it cut my hand. That's all."

Michiru pulled away and looked at the towel that was starting to show blood. "Let's go to the hospital."

"Don't worry about it, I got it."

"No, I'm taking you to the hospital and I won't listen to any of your arguments."

Max cocked an eyebrow at the demanding tone she has not heard Michiru speak with before and obliged. They went to the emergency room where smaller pieces of glass were removed from the wound and then it was stitched up. Three hours later, a record for the City hospitals, they were out on the street. Max put her hands in the pockets of her wide jeans as her oversized t-shirt rippled in the wind.

"Aren't you afraid that some of your fans will see you?"

"Huh?"

"Your image isn't something you take only to the stage anymore, people are watching you everywhere." Michiru did her best at impersonating Simon.

Max laughed. "I wasn't going to go anywhere, you were the one who dragged me out in my home clothes on my day off."

"Why are you having a day off?"

"They're putting the tracks together, I'm staying out of their way."

"Why?"

"Because we differ on the issue and it's three to one, so I avoid the hassle. I've got my own style, you know? It's hard to flip a switch and forget what I do on the side."

Michiru nodded. "When are you playing next?"

"We've got a free weekend coming up, a concert got cancelled. I think I'm gonna swing by home and then maybe Toronto. A friend of mine works at the Coliseum, he was gonna see if I can open for Tiësto."

"That's fantastic. I wish I could come."

"See if you can. It'll serve you good to just dance the night away."

Michiru chuckled. "I can do that here."

"Then why don't you? I can count the amount of times you went out clubbing since I've met you on both of my hands."

Michiru shrugged. "Not really my scene I guess?"

"Come on, you're 22, you should live at the clubs. You're too young to retire to the married and professional life." She knew that that was a losing argument with Michiru. "Okay, how about this, you go out with me for the next three nights before you leave."

"Uh… N-"

"Michiru, my girlfriend of three years just told me that she's been sleeping around all the while we were dating. I need a distraction."

"You did not just pull that card on me."

Max smiled in satisfaction, opening the door to their loft. "Ditto. You've got a few hours before the nightfall. I'll let the boys know to meet us there."

Michiru just shook her head helplessly.

**x x x**

Michiru and Amanda have been out on a number of different occasions throughout the years, and so was the whole group when Max was playing. Michiru, however, never really took to liking the crowded dance floors, just like she never did start feeling comfortable dancing. Mostly, she preferred to stay at a table, if available, or the bar.

As promised, Max gave her plenty of time before they went out at past ten that night. Despite it being the middle of the work week, a line formed on the sidewalk. Michiru reminded herself that she was in New York. A city that never slept and did not follow the normally accepted schedule. They walked up to the front of the line and the bouncer instantly recognized Max. Michiru half-listened as they chatted quickly and they were let inside without further adieu.

The popular night club was bustling with patrons, mostly those working their half-naked bodies out on the dance floor. There were areas with private tables separated by ropes and two bars, one on each side of the large space.

"What do you want to drink?"

Michiru looked at the neon-lit bar. "I'm fine with just water."

Max snorted. "Yeah, right." She walked towards the bar and Michiru followed. "Give me two 'midnight liaisons'." The bartender nodded and stepped away.

Michiru was looking around as someone pushed her into the bar and she steadied herself against Max. "I'm sorry."

She looked in the eyes that were level, now that Michiru was wearing high heels. Max half-smiled and shook her head. "Don't worry about it."

Michiru belatedly remembered to let go of her friend and move away. Max slid her credit card to the bartender for the tab and grabbed their drinks, handing one to Michiru. The latter looked at the blue cocktail and raised an eyebrow skeptically.

"Just trust me."

Michiru sipped on the drink in her tall glass and smiled. "I like it. It doesn't taste like there is alcohol in it."

Max chuckled. "Take a few sips and then try walking."

They sipped on their drinks listening to the music and getting into the groove. As the glasses turned half-empty, Max took Michiru's hand and pulled her to the dance floor. Michiru looked at other people as they passed and wondered if she was dressed a bit conservatively. She was wearing a simple black sleeveless dress that was fitted to her frame. The hem sat halfway down her hip. By far, it was the longest dress she has seen with the exception of Max. Max was wearing a black and silver tank top and pants that had a skirt attached to them. It was something Jay came across a while back and it became Max's official Paradigm style. She did not seem to mind, quite the opposite. As a result, her wardrobe expanded dramatically.

They danced for a few minutes, Michiru unintentionally looking around the club to pick up on some dancing 'instruction.' Max watched her for a while, then brought Michiru in by the waist. Startled, Michiru stared in the brown eyes.

"Just follow me." Max held the violinist as they both moved to the music. After the initial tension both from being forced to dance and the closeness to another human being, Michiru relaxed and just did what Max asked for. Surprising herself, she started to enjoy it. "Loosen up." Max whispered to her ear and it seemed natural to do so.

Her drink long gone, her body covered in a thin layer of sweat, Michiru finally gained confidence. Once she got it, she wondered what was so scary or uncomfortable about the experience before. She stepped closer to her dance partner and Max leaned in. "You husband is here."

Michiru felt him by her side before she turned around. Alan cocked an eyebrow at the two. "I see you're entertaining my wife. Should I be jealous?"

"Well, that's up to you, isn't it?"

Michiru ignored the two as she greeted Rob, Mark and women she came to call 'flavors of the week.' There were so many and they changed so often that Michiru no longer felt it necessary to remember their names.

"I'm gonna go make a trip to the bar. Can I get you something?" Alan kissed her temple.

"Yeah, can I get one of those…" Michiru looked to Max for help.

"I'll go with you." Max offered.

Michiru continued dancing as the two made their way to the bar.

"Yo, yo, yo, how are you guys enjoying tonight?" The loud voice came over the speakers and the crowd cheered. "I hear Max Du Bois is in the crowd tonight." Another loud cheer splashed through the people on the floor like a wave. "Max, if you're here, we'd love it if you played something for us."

Alan looked at her as they waited for the drinks. "You play here often?"

"Once."

Alan whistled. "You're more popular than the band."

"You know that's not true." Max got her drink and raised it in the air. "I'll catch up with you guys in a bit." She walked away, leaving him at the bar. Max made her way to the DJ booth on the second floor.

Alan grabbed his drink and Michiru's and re-joined his friends. Michiru took her drink and got closer to her husband. "I see you got some dancing moves down."

She smiled brilliantly and kissed him hard. She moved away as a familiar voice came through the speakers.

"Hey crowd… those who don't know me, I'm Max. This is something on the fly, I hope you like it. Al, it's for you and Mich."

Michiru smiled up at Alan and they both stared at each other as the first notes of 'Step Up' were mixed in with something neither of them has heard before. There were no verses, instead the chorus kept intermixing with Michiru's solo that was sped up, enhanced, and turned into a dance song. After the initial shock, they danced to the song that brought them together.

**x x x**

_The remaining days before I traveled to Europe for my first concert series after graduation had a profound effect on my life. For the first time I felt like maybe I was missing out on something, experiences I have not had because of my determination to excel at what I do and to be with the person I fell in love with. _

_As I spent time with my friends I thought of all the things I could have done and could still do. I wondered if my decision was premature. All the while 'Step Up' mixed by Max Du Bois was playing in my head._

_The moment I stepped off the plane in Germany, I felt like I entered a new world. Not in a cultural sense, I've been there before. The magazine stands had dozens of periodicals with Paradigm on the first page. That fall they were supposed to embark on their first European tour and Simon Frank made sure that people were waiting for them. I stood in front of a kiosk and looked at all the different shots of the four people I knew so well. I just saw them last night at home and now I was looking at them on the magazine covers, in their newly gained celebrity status and I was not up to par. I grabbed one of each periodicals to send them back to the band. My eyes lingered on another magazine, one that had only one person on the cover: a blonde with blue eyes, wearing an Armani suit with a white shirt (the last two buttons left open) and holding a racing helmet. It was a British periodical and the title read 'The Secrets of a New Star.' I grabbed it, to send it to Devin._

_As I read through a couple of articles in English about Paradigm and the article about Haruka, I found one common denominator: none of those articles had any substance to them. There was absolutely no information that one would learn about them. Mostly it was just an overview of what the band or the racer did lately. Public events. Nothing private. I wish it would have stayed that way._

**x x x**

The sorrowful sound of the violin died away and Michiru relaxed back in her seat, enjoying the sound of the rest of the orchestra. She has been performing non-stop for a month and it was her last concert in Berlin. Tomorrow she would fly to Japan to participate in the concerts that were offered to her as part of the award for her first place in the competition.

The applause of the audience took her out of her thoughts and Michiru stood up with the rest of the musicians, bowing to the people that came to listen to them. As the curtain was drawn, she exchanged congratulations and thanks with her fellow musicians and went backstage to put away her violin.

"Miss Kaioh?"

Michiru turned around to find a woman in her late thirties or early forties standing in front of her. She was a little taller than Michiru and not as petite. She was wearing a black business dress, her dirty blonde hair was pulled tightly in the back and her gray eyes seemed not to miss anything.

"Yes, can I help you?"

"I certainly hope so." The woman extended her hand. "I'm Anne Dunn." Michiru shook hands with the woman and waited patiently. "I was wondering if I could borrow a few minutes of your time. Perhaps a coffee or a late dinner?"

Michiru eyed her suspiciously. She did not look like a reporter, but what did the woman want with her? Michiru was tired and she had an early flight the next day, spending time with this stranger was the last thing she wanted to do, but her curiosity won over.

"I'm not a journalist." Anne, seeing the hesitation, assured.

"Okay." Michiru gave in.

"Thank you." Anne smiled. "There is a small restaurant just down the block, if that's okay with you."

"That's fine."

The closer it was, the less time Michiru had to spend traveling there and back and the more time she could rest. They entered a small restaurant that was half-filled with patrons and Anne asked the hostess for something in German. The young woman nodded and showed them to a table on the side, one away from everyone else's earshot. Anne ordered a coffee and Michiru got herself a cup of tea.

"First of all, I would like to express my appreciation of your talent. Your performances both at the competitions in the past few years and throughout this month were astounding."

"Thank you."

"Miss Kaioh, I'm an agent and I would like to represent you."

Michiru set her cup down, the woman did not seem to dilly dally. "Could you expand on that?"

Anne smiled. "Gladly. You have worked with Paradigm in the past and I am sure you are fully aware of their management, which is done by Simon Frank through the label. The world of bands is a bit different from the world of solo musicians, especially classical ones. I would like to help you get where you want, without any reference to your husband."

Michiru cocked an eyebrow. "You seem to know awfully much about me."

"I take my job seriously. Homework is a big part of it."

Michiru played with her teaspoon as she considered the unexpected offer. The woman was saying what Michiru wanted to hear, but what exactly did that involve. "What is it exactly that you are offering?"

"Just that. I become your agent, I represent you and find you opportunities. We develop your image, based on what and where you want to be. I would negotiate your performances, recording deals, and so on."

"Just like that."

"Just like that."

"Miss Dunn, from my experience nothing happens just like that."

Anne smiled again. It was not a patronizing smile, more so one showing a bit of respect to the young violinist. "I didn't say I would do so for free, of course. I work on percentage basis. The more you want me to be involved with your career, the higher the percentage. You, however, will not have anything to worry about. You can rehearse, perform, and have a life. I will take care of everything in between."

"How many artists do you represent?"

"I only do one at a time."

"Any particular reason why you do not have anyone at the moment?"

"Yes. The tenor I represented passed away recently. I have been following your career and a few others once his health started deteriorating. I truly believe you have talent, which is why I would like to work with you." She reached into her bag. "Here is my resume and a few recommendation letters. Take a look, sleep on it. Let me know tomorrow. I believe we have an early flight."

Both of Michiru's eyebrows went up high on her forehead. "I see you don't waste any time."

"Would you want your agent to do that?"

"I guess not." Michiru took the folio that Anne was still holding. "I guess I will see you in the morning then."

"Good night Ms. Kaioh."

"Good night Ms. Dunn."

**x x x**

Michiru sat in her economy class seat as the plane filled with passengers. The portfolio Anne gave her peaked out from the pocket in the seat in front of her. Michiru looked out of the window at the rising sun and contemplated her decision. She tried to contact Alan or Max, but both were out of reach, probably because both had a concert. As she read the bullet-proof resume, Michiru learned that Anne used to work for the largest label in UK, where she was from. She left them after ten years and went solo, working for solo musicians. The list of those musicians was quite impressive. Michiru also noticed that Anne parted with a number of them when they became famous enough to have staff to do Anne's job. It all looked very promising. The woman traveled the world, spoke seven languages, and had connections Michiru would have to acquire over a period of a lifetime. In the end, her fee seemed to be worth it, no matter how high.

"It's a beautiful morning, isn't it?"

Michiru turned to see Anne take a seat next to hers. "Does your planning have any limits?"

"But of course. If it did not, we would be having this conversation in the first class."

Michiru smiled genuinely. She took out the folio and gave it to Anne. "How is your Japanese?"

"I'm sure I can brush up on it before we land in Tokyo."

Michiru extended her hand. "'It's a deal then.'"

Anne smiled and shook her hand. "'Well, then. Let's talk about what you want to do, Michiru-san.'"

**x x x**

_Hiring Anne Dunn was the first high risk I took in life, at least when it related to my career. I have never regretted my decision. I spent the next year touring the world, but the loft in Tribeca remained my anchor. I would return there whenever I could and mostly hoped that it coincided with the time when Alan came home. Anne's scheming also allowed us to meet in Europe while they were on tour. Within months Anne created Michiru Kaioh, a classical violinist with a contemporary twist. I gave interviews to the magazines, I visited a number of television shows, and my name started to appear on the front pages of periodicals as well, though it was still void of front page pictures._

_I diversified my performances. In the beginning, I did a lot of concert engagements with orchestras and musicians I met through my prior engagements, but little by little I started doing my own performances. At first they were small and I just renditioned the classics, but I also started composing my own music. For my birthday Alan gave me an electric violin and a piece he wrote for it. I played it at my next concert and shocked the audience. To my utter surprise, they liked it. It was at that point that I started to develop my own style. The classic with a contemporary twist. A year after I met Anne I was ready to record my first album. In the fall I would tour for the first time as a solo violinist with my own compositions. My first concert was scheduled in Tokyo. My parents had the seats in the front row. Everything I dreamed about was within reach. All I had to do was reach out and grab it._


	10. CH 9

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Haruka and Michiru's characters, they belong to Naoko Takeuchi. All other characters and this story belong to me.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**AN:** Thanks for the reviews! So, we're here… just stay open minded with me, even though your comments are naturally welcome… let me know what you think.

_**lostinhersong:**_ thank you, I tried to fit in all the info without rushing through it, that's why it's been taking so long… now the fun begins indeed.

_**SeraEris:**_ you can hate Amanda all you want. That last line in italics meant to explain Michiru's actions in this chapter.

_**petiyaka:**_ you always want me to tell you what happens later, don't you? Sorry, hon, you'll have to wait :) Actually, I still love mojito and has never been a fan of Hypnotic, I just couldn't come up with another blue drink when I was writing that fic. Thanks to you and my expanding bar, that's no longer the case ;) Kampai!

_**Fusionmix: **_Thank you, I actually do a lot of research for little details in my fic that no one may notice. You guys also don't realize this, but I unnecessarily spent a tremendous amount of time cross referencing Grand Prix schedules with violin competition schedules and other events in the fic, not that it really matters. When Haruka and Michiru meet, that's almost present time (a few months back). I won't get rid of the OCs just because Haruka will take her rightful place by Michi's side… there's still unfinished business with them. And more OCs.

_**Arufa: **_Thanks! Don't worry, Max will get over herself a lot faster than Alan (:P)

_**Mantaray:**_ That's the problem. Sometimes you get too immersed in your professional accomplishments, thinking that everything else is not as important.

_**Rukangel: **_Yes, Michiru and Alan have been together for almost 5 years, married for 4.

_**Tenoh and Kaioh:**_ Wait and see… Michiru's agent will make a difference here and there.

_**PSVT:**_ Thank you very much! I'm glad you like it.

Okay. Now, **this chapter is rated ****"M"**** for graphic description and some minor language.**

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**Chapter 9**

Michiru unlocked the door of what has been home for years. The inside of the loft was dark and quiet. She sighed and pulled her suitcases inside. Walking through the rooms, she confirmed that no one was home and pulled out her cell phone. None of the bandmates answered her call. She dialed their assistant.

"Hi Lindsey, it's Michiru. Do you know where they are?"

"Hey, Mich! So nice to hear from you." There was some noise on the other end of the line. "I think they may still be at the hotel."

"The hotel?"

"Yeah, I always get them a room so they can take a break afterwards."

"Lindsey, they're in New York, they live here, they don't need a place to take a break." Michiru found the whole arrangement questionable.

"I just do what they say, Mich. You want the address or not?"

"Go ahead." Michiru grabbed a pad and a pen and jotted down the address. She cringed as she heard 'they're in the penthouse' and shook her head silently. "Thanks, Lindsey. Have a good night."

"Yeah, you too, Mich."

Michiru quickly changed out of her traveling clothes into something more comfortable. Per Anne's insistence and her own habits, Michiru never allowed herself to go in public unprepared. She was always dressed presentable, her makeup was done and her hair fixed. You never knew where someone would snap a picture of you, especially at the airports.

Michiru put on a pair of old jeans, a tank top and a light jacket and trotted to the door. She slipped into her heels that now felt like they were a natural extension of her legs and left the loft. She hailed a cab outside and gave the driver the address. Her eyes were closing as she sat in the back of the car, enjoying the rare moments of peace. She even questioned why she went out of her way to find Paradigm. The answer was simple. She has not seen Alan in over a month. She paid the cab and made her way upstairs to the penthouse floor. As the elevator doors opened she was met by a wide chest of a man that towered over her like a bookshelf. She stepped out of the elevator and felt her neck crack as she finally found the face that belonged to the body. She has never seen the man before.

"Sorry honey, they're no longer looking for company."

Michiru snorted very unladylike and stepped around the bouncer/bodyguard or whoever he was. He grabbed her arm. "Did you hear what I said? No more groupies."

Michiru yanked her arm out of his grip and put it on her hip. "Do me a favor, don't patronize me? Do I look like one of their groupies?" She remembered exactly what she looked like and felt first waves of an oncoming headache wash over her. Michiru pinched the bridge of her nose with her free hand. "Listen, I'm not a groupie, I'm Alan's wife."

The man had the audacity to laugh at her. "He doesn't have a wife, honey."

Michiru removed the hand that was on her hip and put it in his face. Her wedding band and engagement ring shined in his eyes. "This says he does." She pulled out her cellphone. "And this has Simon Frank's phone on speed dial. So unless you want to be out of job in the next two minutes, I suggest you get the hell out of my way."

The man lost his humor as 'Simon Frank' appeared on a short list of phone numbers alongside of the members of the band and other names he did not know. The man stepped away and showed her towards the door. "I'm sorry."

She waved his apology off. "Don't worry about it."

Michiru opened the door to the suite and stood in the doorway for a while. The sight no longer shocked her as it used to in the beginning, she was immune to it. People lay on the floor against both walls, bottles and plastic cups were scattered every which way. She stepped over limbs and bodies as she made her way to the large room filled with couches. Her husband was passed out on one, Rob was having good times with a couple of half-naked girls, Mark was nowhere to be seen and Max just entered the room from what looked like a bathroom.

"Hey, Mich!" She almost jumped to the tired violinist and picked her up by the waist, twirling her around. "You're back! I missed you!"

"Max, put me down."

"What?" Max stared in the blue eyes without any comprehension.

Michiru pointed down with her eyes. Max was holding her against her own body. "Oh, I'm sorry."

"Are you drunk?"

"No, I don't overindulge in alcohol."

"Uh huh." Michiru straightened her clothes. "And I don't play violin." She left the drummer who was still trying to find a response and walked to Alan. Michiru leaned in and had to pull away immediately from the vile odor. She shook his shoulder. "Alan. Alan." He did not respond. Michiru sighed and slapped him on the cheek. The sound resonated through the room and gained the attention from everyone there. Alan jolted up and then his features relaxed as he saw Michiru in front of him.

"Mich! You're back… oh no… I forgot you were coming tonight… I'm such an idiot." He tried to pull her on top of him. "I'm so sorry."

"You should be." He jerked from the cold tone of her voice. "You all should be." She looked around the room at Max and Rob who were also listening intently. "Is this what your dream was? To get pissed drunk after every show? To not be able to comprehend what is going on around you? Why did you even bother going to school? You could've done all that without any effort. I mean, how much effort does it take to flush your talent down the toilet?"

Another door opened and Mark walked in from an adjoined room. He did not look anywhere near as disheveled as the rest, but Michiru saw the unnatural shine in his eyes. She pursed her lips as he closed the door behind himself.

"What are you, the moral police now? We're all adults, Michiru, we can manage without your highness' oversight."

"I don't care how many times you screw yourself over, Mark, but leave my husband out of this." She turned to Alan. "Get up, or I'm going home alone."

Alan looked from Mark to Michiru and back. Michiru nodded, turned around and walked out of the suite, careful not to step on anything or anyone in her way.

Max watched her go, then walked up to Alan and gave him another slap. "Either you go after her, or I will."

Even through his alcohol induced state, Alan knew what Max meant. He got up to his feet unsteadily. "Don't come near my wife." He pointed in Max's nose and tried to catch up with Michiru, tripping over someone on his way, but catching her downstairs.

**x x x**

Michiru's summer was scheduled to be spent at the recording studio in New York. Paradigm was also taking a break from their touring, recording new tracks of their own. As an apology for his conduct, Alan wrote Michiru another song, one where an electronic violin played major part. Michiru agreed to record it with them and left the rest to Anne. The spouses settled back into their married bliss. They worked hard during the day and took nights off. Max was working hard, trying to manage both being in the band and being a successful DJ. It was life as usual.

Michiru looked at her schedule for the fall. There was a performance every week, mostly more than once a week. She was halfway through recording her album, and she was already behind her schedule. The last thing she could afford was a break. A tear rolled down her cheek as she looked at the stick she was holding in her hand. It was her career or her family. Michiru knew she could not handle both. She heard a key turn in the front door and ran to the bathroom, closing herself inside. Michiru sat down on the tiled floor and let the tears flow freely. Silent sobs shook her body as she squeezed the plastic in her fist and hugged her knees to her chest.

"Mich, are you home?"

She heard Max's voice call out and stifled a cry. Soft footsteps on the hardwood echoed in the hallway outside of her bedroom. "Mich? Are you okay?"

Another cry escaped her and Michiru put a hand over her lips a second too late. She heard Max walk up to the door and turn the doorknob. Michiru hid her face in her knees as the door swung open.

Max landed on her knees next to Michiru. "Michiru, what's wrong?" She hugged her shoulders. "Why are you crying?"

Michiru shook her head and felt Max pull her into an embrace. It was all she needed for the hysteria to completely succumb her. She cried, clutching the fabric of Max's t-shirt with one hand and the stick with the other. Max just coed in her ear and gently stroked through her long locks. Michiru did not know how long it has been, she only knew that her legs were falling asleep and her face was burning from the tears. She separated herself and leaned back.

Max wiped her tears with both hands. "What is it?"

Michiru sobbed as she extended the hand that was holding the stick and opened her fist. Max stared dumbly at the test for a moment before her eyes met the pained blue ones. Michiru got up and walked to the sink, placing the stick on the counter and turning the faucet on. She washed her face with cold water and looked at her reflection. It made her grimace. Both her face and her eyes were swollen from crying. She watched as Max walked up behind her and put her chin on Michiru's shoulder. "What do you want to do?"

They looked at each other in the mirror. "I don't know."

Max wrapped her hands around Michiru's waist, placing them on her still flat stomach. "It can't be more than 8 weeks, that's when you got back." Michiru nodded. "You still have time to think."

"What should I do, Max?"

"I can't tell you. Either you have to decide it or tell Alan and make a decision together."

Michiru shook her head. "I know what he will say."

"Then you have to decide."

"You're not going to tell me that I have a responsibility to let him know?"

Max shook her head. "No. From where I'm standing, it's your body. Your career is on the line, not his. It's your decision to make. Whichever one it is, I'll stand by you."

Michiru turned around and wrapped her hands around Max's neck, hugging her close. "Thank you."

"What are friends for?"

**x x x**

It was a week later when Michiru sneaked up on Max on her way out to the club.

"Jesus Christ, you want to give me a heart attack?" Max held a hand to her chest.

"What do I do now?"

"You don't kill your friends, that's what you do." Max took another breath, calming herself down. Michiru's words finally reached her brain and she looked Michiru straight in the eyes. "You do realize that if he ever finds out, he will never forgive you for this?"

"I thought you were on my side."

"I am, which is why I want to make sure you know what you're doing."

Michiru let out a shallow breath. "Everything I've done Max, everything I worked on so far… my career just launched and I'm about to get a major break. I can't put it on hold. I'll be forever left behind in the dust."

Max nodded. "Do you know where to go?" Michiru shook her head. "When can you take a day off?"

"When do I need to?"

"The sooner the better."

"Tell me when."

Max thought of her packed schedule in her head and grimaced. "Plan it for the day after tomorrow. I'll make some calls in the morning."

"Just tell me what to do, you don't -"

"I got it, Michiru. You just make sure that your mind is up."

Michiru looked at her friend sadly. "I won't change my mind, Max."

**x x x**

Under the guise of not feeling well, Max backed out of a recording session on Friday. She rented a car and drove out of the City with Michiru. They rode out to New Jersey in complete silence. Max kept throwing Michiru worried glances, but instinctively knew how the other felt and gave her space. She took violinist to her own gynecologist in Paramus, someone she knew she could trust. Max parked the car next to a residential-looking office and killed the engine. Michiru looked like she was napping against the passenger door, but Max knew she was not. Her eyes were puffy again and she clutched a kleenex in her fist.

"Mich." Max gently moved the long aqua strands away. "We're here."

Michiru came out of her trance and nodded. They got out of the car and walked to the front door. Breaking her own rules, Michiru was wearing black yoga pants, tank top and a thin loungewear wrap. Despite the heat outside, she felt cold. Her flip flops caught against the front step and she tripped, only to be caught by Max, who stopped her.

"You can still walk away from this."

Michiru bit the inside of her mouth and shook her head. Max sighed and pulled the door open, letting the violinist through. Michiru entered a small waiting room where the chairs were arranged in a row against two of the four walls. A receptionist sat behind a glass window that slid open as they made their way in. Michiru signed in and got a board with paperwork to fill out. She took an empty seat and looked at the form. There was nothing unusual on it, nothing Michiru has not seen before. Her concentration, however, was constantly broken by the sight of two pregnant women whose bellies were clearly visible in their summer attire. Max took the board out of Michiru's hands and filled out the basic information. Michiru mechanically answered the questions as Max read them quietly to her. Max handed the paperwork and the insurance card back to the receptionist and took a seat next to her entranced friend.

A nurse called Michiru's name ten minutes later and the two made their way in. Michiru was surprised to find herself in a doctor's office, as opposed to one of the patient rooms. She sat down and saw a middle-aged woman in white robe walk in behind them.

"Hi, I'm Dr. Golub. Max, may I have a moment alone with Ms. Kaioh?"

Max got up and Michiru grabbed her hand. "No, please, let her stay."

"Ms. Kaioh -"

"Please?" Michiru's eyes filled with tears again and the doctor yielded. She nodded and Max sat back down.

"Ms. Kaioh, we are not an abortion clinic, so we do not have counselors on staff. You are a new patient and this is really an exceptional case that I agreed to take because Max has been a patient for a while. The reason why I am saying this is that I want to make sure that you absolutely understand what you are doing and that you are sure that your decision is the right one."

Michiru nodded, studying the grain of the dark cherry desk in front of her. The doctor continued. "We will do a sonogram first to see how far along you are, then we will do a blood test, just as part of a routine check up. The procedure itself takes no more than ten-fifteen minutes. It is done under local anesthesia, a simple shot in your abdomen area. I will place a scope inside your uterus and it will suck out the embryo. You will rest for twenty minutes or so and then you will be okay to leave. While you are resting, I will make sure that the procedure was successful by searching for an embryo through the debris. I will speak with you again before you leave. You will have spotting and some cramping for the next few days, but otherwise there should be no complications. Do you have any questions?"

Michiru felt like vomiting. Her body was starting to shake from the description of the procedure and it made her physically sick. Not because she was afraid of the pain, but because she was uncomfortable with the concept. She bit on her lower lip and tried to get rid of the mental images.

"Ms. Kaioh?" Dr. Golub looked at Max after not getting any reaction.

Max put a hand on Michiru's shoulder. "Mich?"

Michiru looked up and shook her head. "No, I don't have any questions."

Dr. Golub nodded. "Are you sure you want to go ahead, Ms. Kaioh?"

Michiru nodded again. "Yes."

"Okay. I will let the nurse know, she will be with you through the whole process."

"Can Max come with me too?"

"Of course."

Michiru nodded her head and followed the doctor out of the office. Her weight was taken, then her blood was drawn. Then Michiru was led into one of the patient rooms with a number of machines already set up. She was given a plastic blue gown and a white paper sheet and the nurse stepped out. Max got up to follow her out. Michiru stopped her.

"Don't leave me alone."

"I'm not going anywhere, just giving you some privacy."

"There's nothing there you haven't seen before, right?"

"Mich, I-"

"I don't care." Michiru really did not care if Max was gay, a man, or a monster with two heads at that point. She simply did not want to be alone. She pulled her clothes off and handed them to Max, who sat on a chair by the wall.

The nurse came back in and did a sonogram. Michiru looked the other way, despite knowing that she would not be able to tell what she saw on the screen. She did not want to see any of it. Max held her hand with both of her own, while she watched the nurse take measurements of the femur.

"Seven weeks. It's a good thing that you made up your mind this early." The nurse gave Michiru a reassuring smile as she switched the monitor off.

Michiru just held on tighter to Max as tears ran down her cheeks again. "I'm okay." She said before Max was able to utter a word.

Fifteen minutes later the nurse and the doctor came in. Dr. Golub examined her quickly and then administered the shot.

"This may be a little cold."

Michiru felt the specula enter inside her.

"The machine will be a bit loud, just ignore it. You will feel slight pinching and pulling, but it should not be anything more than uncomfortable, like during your menstrual cramps. If it is painful, I need you to let me know. You cannot move while I am doing this procedure. If you jerk while the machine is operating and the scope is in, it may damage your uterus, causing complications and possible permanent side effects. If that happens, I am not equipped to handle it here, so you will be taken to the hospital. The simplest way to avoid this is to be still. Do you understand me?"

Michiru looked at Max with wide eyes full of terror and Max swore mentally, giving Michiru a reassuring smile.

"I do." Michiru looked back at the ceiling.

"Okay. Here we go."

Michiru squeezed her eyes shut as the machine was turned on. It reminded her of a vacuum. It sounded like a vacuum and it pretty much had the same purpose. Sucking Michiru's mistakes out of her. Literally sucking life out of her. Michiru stifled a sob and concentrated on keeping still, remembering everything the doctor just said. She just made herself stop trembling when the sound went away. Michiru opened her eyes to see the ceiling again.

"Is something wrong?"

"No, we're done."

"Already?"

"Yes." She saw the doctor's face above her own. "Just relax and lay here for a while, I'll be back in twenty minutes."

"Okay."

Michiru heard them walk out of the room and close the door. She turned her head and looked at Max, who was still holding her hand. They just looked at each other in silence. For the full twenty minutes.

**x x x**

They pulled out of the parking lot in the same silence. Michiru curled up on the passenger seat and watched the passing scenery.

"I don't want to go home."

Max looked at her and skipped the exit to the highway. She drove a while longer before pulling into a parking lot of a supermarket. "I'll be right back."

Michiru watched her go and return with a reusable bag that hid the contents. Max put the bag behind her seat and got back on the road. Fifteen minutes later she pulled off the road to a small parking for observation deck. Max got out of the car, grabbed the bag, and opened Michiru's door.

"Come on, get out."

Michiru unenthusiastically untangled herself and got out. They walked down a small pathway and Michiru realized that they were in a park on the bank of the Hudson. Max pulled her to an even grassy spot and took a small blanket out of the bag. She ripped the tag off and put it on the ground.

"Sit."

Michiru obliged and watched as Max pulled out a pint of ice cream followed by a bag of plastic spoons and set the treat and a spoon between Michiru's outstretched legs.

"One thing I know for sure is that sugar rush helps." She took the top off and Michiru stared at her favorite ice cream. Her hand, of its own volition, grabbed the spoon and Michiru put it in her mouth. She closed her eyes and let the sun warm up her face. Max sat next to her and dug in as well. After a while Michiru leaned in and Max readjusted herself to allow Michiru to put her head in Max's lap. She lay on her back, with her spoon in her mouth, watching the sky above.

"I can't believe I just did that."

"Is there any point in dwelling on this now? It's in the past, Michiru. Leave it there."

"You know, it's weird… it's almost like going to a dentist, only instead of pulling out a tooth, they pull a baby out of you."

"A fetus, Mich, not a baby yet."

"Well, that depends on your view." Max shrugged and Michiru continued. "I mean all that controversy on the subject, and the procedure takes fifteen minutes. Fifteen minutes and your life is back to normal."

"It's not the procedure that causes controversy per se, it's dwelling on its meaning like you're doing now. The moral ground, the religious ground. Calling a fetus a baby. The imagery." She moved Michiru's bangs out of her eyes. "Stop thinking about it."

"Why are you so good to me?"

"Because I like you."

"You like me like me or you _like _me?"

Max chuckled. "I like you as a friend, Michiru. You're a good person."

"Good people don't kill their babies."

"Here we go again." Max sighed. "I like you because you're a terrible person, Michiru. But your hot ass wins over your nasty disposition, so I stick around."

They both burst out laughing and Michiru calmed down. "Can I take a nap here?"

"Sure you can." Max watched her fall asleep and then watched the passing boats for hours while the exhausted younger woman slept and the remainder of their ice cream melted in the sun.

**x x x**

Max hoped that Michiru would put all of her apprehension and self-blame behind after that day. She hoped that Michiru would turn to work and forget everything else. Michiru did, only Max knew that it was all just on the surface. She would not be a good friend if she could not see past that. She could see the depression settling in, could see Michiru retreat back into her shell, the way she was when they met. Most importantly, she shied away from Alan. It did not help the matters that Devin decided to visit them for a couple of weeks and someone was always at the loft. Michiru avoided being there by spending more time than necessary at the studio and when she came home she generally found the men sitting around the TV, watching the races. She would sit with them, not to cause any suspicions and it pained Max to see how much of it was forced.

Her own concerns for her friend came from a deeper place, she knew that everybody dealt with depression differently. She herself did not do too well in the past, the last thing Max wanted to see was Michiru doing something stupid. Her heart broke for her friend.

**x x x**

Michiru knew when things started to go bad. She grew distant when she found out she was pregnant and her alienation did not go away as time passed. She welcomed the day when Paradigm left for their scheduled performances and Devin left to go back to school. She needed space so desperately. Pushing all the heavy thoughts out of her mind, she concentrated on finishing her album and the upcoming performances. For the first time ever she was apart with Alan for more than two months and she welcomed it.

When she reunited with the band around Thanksgiving, it all seemed to go back to normal. Only it did not feel that way. Where before she was patient about their behavior, popularity and fans, now she was either indifferent or irritated. She did not have patience for so much as holding in her comments and her relationship with Mark deteriorated quickly to the level of animosity. Her relationship with Alan was not much better. Michiru cried silently at nigh as he slept next to her and wondered when the wonderful feelings she had towards the man vanished. She still cared for him, she still loved him, but no longer in the same way.

**x x x**

Loud music was second nature to them all. They danced the night away, celebrating Michiru's twenty-fourth birthday at one of the best clubs in San Francisco. For a change, Michiru left everything behind and was simply enjoying herself. She left the dance floor and walked to Alan, who was sitting at their reserved table.

"Why aren't you dancing?"

"I'm not in the mood."

Michiru sat down next to him. "What do you mean you're not in the mood?"

"I'm just not, okay. Leave it be, Mich, go have fun."

"I want to have fun with you." She nuzzled him on the cheek.

"Oh yeah? Then will you stop flirting with Max?"

Michiru pulled away in stunned silence. His serious expression told her that Alan was not kidding. "What do you mean? I'm not flirting with Max."

"Yes, you are, just like you do with a lot of other people. Maybe you didn't notice, but it's quite in your nature to flirt with others in front of me."

"Alan, this is gibberish. Besides, it's Max. She's my best friend, she's harmless."

Alan got up and pulled Michiru to her feet with him. He pointed to Max who was dancing quite suggestively with some girl. "Does she look harmless to you?"

"She's my friend, Alan!"

"And she's been wanting you since she met you!"

"This is absurd! She was with Amanda ever since she met me, they dated for three years, Alan! Did you forget that?"

"I don't care, I'm not blind. I see her look at you, I catch all the little comments and all the little hints."

"I have no idea what you're talking about, but you're obviously delirious. Starting with the fact that I have never so much as kissed another woman, so why would I care even if what you said is true?"

"You tell me, Michiru. You're the one who's been frigid for the past months."

She just stared back at him, her mind void of everything other than his words. Somehow in the past year she learned to shut herself down when she needed to. Years ago she would have continued screaming, arguing to the very end. Now she just gave up on it. She shook her head, turned around, and left her husband standing there. She pushed people aside, making her way through, not caring that they looked angrily in her wake.

"Hey, no need to be a bitch."

Her head snapped to the side towards the low voice that still somehow reached her ears and she just started laughing. Michiru bowed to the blonde and walked out of the club. The last thing she wanted to hear was a stranger calling her names.

Michiru walked until her feet got tired and then checked herself into a hotel room, not willing to go back to the suite she shared with Alan. She needed time to think, time to figure out where to go from there and she has obviously failed to do so with her husband next to her up to that point. Michiru watched the San Francisco Bay, Alan's words running through her mind. She finally separated herself from the pane of the glass, walked to the minibar and inspected its contents.

**x x x**

Max got off the floor to get herself a bottle of water. Her night was going rather well and she doubted that she would go back to the hotel alone. To her surprise, she did not see Michiru neither on the dance floor, nor by their table. The only person at their table was Alan and he was making quite a progress with the bottle of whiskey in front of him.

"Where's Mich?"

He looked up at her and snorted. "You tell me."

"What?" She sat on the couch across from him. "Did you guys have a fight?"

"Aye, are you happy now?"

"Why would I be happy?"

"You wanted to fuck her for years."

Max got to her feet. "Allow me to let you in on a secret, if I wanted to fuck your wife, I would've done it a long time ago."

Alan got to his feet as well. "Are you saying that you're better than I am?"

She gave him a once over. "At this juncture, yes. Have you looked at yourself lately?"

"What the fuck?"

"Exactly that, Alan. You forget when she gets back in town, you ignore her depression, you argue with her on her birthday! What the hell is wrong with you, man?"

Alan cocked an eyebrow. "Well, maybe then you'll do a better job."

"That's your solution? Drink yourself into oblivion and not care who's screwing your wife? You're pathetic." She turned around and walked away, just like Michiru did an hour before.

Max got outside and pulled out a cigarette. Ever since Michiru walked in on their mini orgy at the hotel last summer and gave them the lecture, Max never had more than one drink a night. She did, however, need something to relieve her stress that did not involve alcohol or sharp objects. She pulled out her cell and dialed Michiru's number. It went in her voicemail. Max hit the redial button and kept doing so until an angry voice answered on the other end.

"Did it eve occur to you that I may not want to talk if I don't pick up the phone?"

"Nope. Are you back at the hotel?"

"I'm at a hotel."

Max dropped the cigarette butt and stomped it with her foot. "Where are you, Mich?"

"Why do you need to know?"

"It's your birthday. I want to celebrate with you." She pulled out a gum and stuck it in her mouth. "You want me to bring anything?"

"Well, the minibar might be out of good stuff soon."

Max winced. "Anything in particular you want?"

"No. I shouldn't have had what I've already had. I'm at the Argonaut."

"Of course you are."

"Eh?"

"Forget about it, I'll see you in a few." Max hang up and hailed a cab. She should have guessed Michiru would find a fitting hotel.

**x x x**

Michiru let Max in and went back to her king-sized bed. She sat indian-style and looked at the assortment of little bottles that she has not opened yet. They were laid out in even rows on the cover.

"You know, there's a bar downstairs."

"I don't want to see people."

"Yeah, I keep forgetting that you're as recognizable as any of us now." Max sat on the edge of the bed and watched Michiru play with her little collection for a while. "What happened, Mich?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay." Max watched as the younger woman got up and walked to the bathroom. Max got up and inspected the trashcan, wincing quietly at the amount of empty bottles in it. Apparently Michiru learned to hold her alcohol well.

Max turned around as Michiru walked back in and suddenly found herself against the wall. Soft lips covered her own and she automatically responded, eventually holding the violinist close and giving her a full taste of the kiss. Michiru pulled away and looked unsurely in the brown eyes.

"Did you enjoy that?" Max asked levelly. Michiru nodded. "Good. Don't ever do that again."

Max stepped away and sat down in a chair, grabbing a small bottle of gin on her way there. She popped the top and gulped the liquid down.

Michiru shifted from one foot to the other, then returned back to the bed. "I'm sorry."

Max threw the empty bottle in the trash can. "Why did you do it?"

"I was thinking about what Alan said."

"You've got to be kidding me." Max reached out and picked another bottle. How did she get herself in a position where one spouse accused her of wanting his wife and the other spouse made the move?

"No, it's not that." Michiru followed Max's example and grabbed herself a drink. She grimaced as the liquid burned her throat. "I've been thinking lately, and he just pushed me over the limit I guess. Remember what Amanda said about me not having lived life to its fullest before settling in?"

"Yes."

"I think she was right. I started thinking about it when I started to enjoy going out. I've seen so many things in these past years, but I haven't experienced them. All I do is work and then the little time I have to myself I spend with my husband. Which would be great, except that our relationship isn't the same as it used to be."

"The honeymoon is over, that's normal."

"Yes, but if neither of us is really happy anymore, why not find happiness somewhere else?"

"What does that have to do with me?"

"You're one of the experiences I've never had. I never kissed a girl, I was wondering how it would feel. So I did it." Michiru avoided Max's piercing eyes.

"I'm honored you picked me as your guinea pig." Max remarked sarcastically.

"I'm sorry." Michiru looked back up. "But I was thinking, what if it leads to something?"

"Something like what, Michiru? A one night stand before you reconcile with your husband? A ruined friendship and regrets when you sober up?" Max got up again. "Don't get me wrong, I'm not being hypocritical. I've done my share of mistakes too, which is exactly why I will never, I mean ever sleep with you. What you and I have is more important to me than anything I've ever had with a lover, including Amanda."

She took off her top and Michiru stared at Max without any comprehension. Max turned, sitting down on the bed with her spine in Michiru's full view. Two inches under her neck was a barcode Michiru has never seen before. She gently traced the date.

"It's the day you made me go to the hospital. It's the day someone other than my family really cared for me for the first time." Max put her top back on. "So don't ruin what we have."

Michiru bit her lip. Somehow what she did to Max felt more painful than what she did to Alan. She moved to the side of the bed and patted the seat next to her. "Let's do something I've never done before. Let's get trashed."

Max chuckled. "That sounds better."

**x x x**

Michiru looked at the woman that slept in bed next to her. She waited for a while to make sure that Max would not wake up. Then she got up, picked up her cellphone and dialed Anne Dunn's number.

"Morning Michiru."

"Do you never sleep or are you generally this cheerful at four in the morning?"

"I'm in New York, Mich, it's seven here."

"Oh yeah, I forgot."

"Is there a reason why you called me?" Anne probed.

Michiru took a deep breath. "Yes, I need you to find me a good divorce attorney."


	11. CH 10

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Haruka and Michiru's characters, they belong to Naoko Takeuchi. All other characters and this story belong to me.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**AN:** Thanks for the reviews! I'm glad you guys like it. SO, we're finally here… give a cheer to Haruka, she's entering the scene.

_**petiyaka:**_ Oh yeah, I'm keeping Max… I actually wish she was real… I'd keep her then too :P

_**Tenoh and Kaioh:**_ hey fan of F1, yes I am going off of the actual F1 schedule :) although I will not even delve into who wins where and the outcomes of the races… way too much to keep up with those of you who know ins and outs of the sport ;) I'm just using it for geographical placement

_**Fusionmix:**_ I visited abortion clinic for school, so the description is really close to what I saw. Can I share something with your inner grammar nazi? Sometimes I hate English because it doesn't make as much sense as other languages :) (No offense to native English speakers).

_**Newt Salamander: **_Thanks! I like putting real life (ish) stuff in my stories, it's more fun.

_**Mantaray: **_I didn't mean for Michiru's depression to be the reason for alienation and divorce. It's just a part of the whole. The importance of her depression is that Alan did not see it. The reason why Michiru ended their relationship is that it just was not the same. Sometimes things change because of an emotional breakdown, sometimes you just realize one day that everything has changed, but you can't put your finger on exactly when that happened.

PS: aren't you having a good day… your favorite tea won, your favorite author posted the new chapter :P (I'm just kidding on that second one)

_**SeraEris:**_ I love your summary of the chapter! You should do ads :D

_**lostinhersong: **_I think Mark is actually really rich, I just never stressed it out. If I started the story in Chapter 11 (entirely possible), they would've all been rich and famous, but you would've had no idea what it cost them, how they got there and why things turn out the way they will… I wanted to do a nice progression. (It is turning out to be my favorite too :o) )

_**Arufa:**_ Hi there in San Francisco! I love San Francisco… It's on my top 25 cities I've been to list :P Anyway, that was Haruka Michiru ran into… literally.

_**Bleacher27:**_ yep, so long as you have the courage to move on.

_**Hatter999: **__Thanks! _

_Wow, this was long… sorry, here you go… _

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**Chapter 10**

Max woke up with a startling headache, one she has not had in a while. She did not particularly welcome the occurrence back. Her eyes roamed the unfamiliar room and found Michiru sitting in a chair, staring into space. Instinctively, Max checked her own clothes.

"Don't worry, nothing happened."

Max let out a sigh of relief. "Have you slept at all?" Michiru shook her head. "How is that even possible?"

"I'm going to leave Alan."

"Yeah, okay, I see how it's possible. Wait, what do you mean by 'leave'? Leave behind in California or…?"

"I'm going to file for a divorce."

Max got up, forcing the headache away. "Remember how you didn't have much time to make a decision about abortion?" She got a nod in reply. "This ain't the same. Don't jump from having a fight one night to getting a divorce the next. You'll work out your issues. Just talk to him, tell him how you feel."

"I made my decision, Max. I'm meeting with an attorney when I get back to New York tomorrow."

"Holy shit. How did you arrange that so quickly?"

"I have an amazing agent who doesn't lecture me on my decisions."

"I'm not your agent, I'm supposed to lecture you."

"Don't. I may make my decisions quickly and go back and forth on them in my head, but I will not change my mind."

"Just like with your acceptance of marriage."

"Yep."

Max shook her head. "You do realize that you're going to hurt him. A lot."

"That's not something I want to do."

"Then try working it out first!"

"I've tried, Max. I've tried for months."

"Without ever telling him what was wrong, try communicating for once!"

"You can keep yelling at me or you can accept my decision."

"Are you even going to have the decency to tell him before you run away and hide?"

"I don't run away from my problems, Max. I'm going to the hotel now. Maybe he will be back."

For once Max really felt bad for Alan. He was not a bad guy, she generally liked him. He was about to get his heart broken and he did not even know it. He probably had an even worse headache than Max herself did. She cringed.

"Fine, we'll share a cab."

**x x x**

They got back to the hotel where the band was staying and Michiru went straight to her room. Max watched her go and then walked to her own room down the hall. Alan walked from around the corner dressed in sweatpants and a t-shirt. Max stopped, wondering if she was the only one who suffered from hangovers.

"Did you go running?"

"Yeah, I'm working my pathetic self back into shape. Is Mich back?"

"She's in the room."

"Thanks." He walked away and Max sighed, hoping for once that Michiru would not go through with her word.

**x x x**

Alan walked inside and quietly closed the door behind himself. He found Michiru by the bed, packing her clothes.

"Good Morning." He eyed her wearily.

"Morning." Michiru put the dress she just folded in her suitcase and turned around.

"Where are you going?"

"Back to New York."

"Michiru, listen, I'm really sorry about last night. I was stupid, I just turned jealous, that's all. I love you, Mich. Please don't go away."

Michiru swallowed a lump in her throat. "This isn't working, Alan."

"What isn't working?"

"Our marriage."

"What are you saying? Michiru, just because I was an idiot last night, doesn't mean it's not working."

"It's not just last night. It's not the same anymore, you can't argue with that."

"We just hit a rough patch, it happens to everyone. Ask Kevin or Linda, they will both tell you. Marriage is something you have to work on, you can't just walk out at the first sight of trouble."

"I'm not." She saw him sigh in relief and bit on her lip, almost drawing blood. "I'm not walking out at the first sight of trouble. We've been having problems for over a year now and with both of our careers, it's just too much to manage."

"So let's take a break, let's go on vacation together, we haven't had one since the honeymoon. Screw the schedules, let's just spend some time with each other and everything will return to normal."

"I can't, Alan. We can't. We've worked too hard to let anything get in the way of our careers now."

A sudden chill went through his body. "Are you saying that our marriage is in the way of your career?"

"Don't change my words. I said that we can't take a break."

"Even if that costs us our marriage? God, Michiru, I kept our marriage off of everyone's radars so that you can have a career independent of me, based solely on your talent. I could have been with you so much more if we didn't have to hide all the time! We sacrificed that for your career, how much more are you willing to sacrifice?"

"I'm sorry, Alan, I love you, just not in the same way I used to."

"What is it that you want, Mich? Do you want new experiences? You can have them! What do you want to do? You want to explore the world as a single woman? You want to meet new people, sleep around? Do that, but then come back to me!"

"How can you even say that?"

"How can you leave me?"

They were both shouting and crying. Alan finally made the first step and hugged her close. "You're the love of my life, please don't go away, Michiru. I can't live without you."

"Alan, you've never lived with me. Come on, we've never had a married life. Even after we got married we lived with your band. We have been seeing each other on and off for years, we've never lived a normal life."

He twisted her hair around his fist, keeping her close. "We can have a normal life. You're more important to me than the band. Do you want me to sacrifice my career for you? I will."

Michiru clutched to his t-shirt. "You will hate me if you do that."

"I will never hate you."

"Yes, you will. Your music is your life, you'll be dead without it and you will hate me for it."

"Just because you feel that way, it doesn't mean that I do."

"I know you, Alan. You may deny it to yourself, but I know it's true."

"If you know me, then how can you just come in here and tell me that our marriage isn't working?"

Michiru took a step back. "What would you have me do, send you a card?"

"Give us another chance."

She cupped his cheek and shook her head, unable to say anything through the tears. Alan stood there for another moment, then turned around and walked out of the hotel room. Michiru went back to packing her bag. She put everything away, zipped her suitcase, grabbed the handle, and swung it as hard as she could. The suitcase hit the wall and fell to the floor with a loud bang. Michiru slid down with her back against the bed as her body shook with violent sobs.

**x x x**

_I made a lot of mistakes in my life. The ones that mattered the most I made in the name of my career. I sacrificed a part of myself, thinking that music was what I lived for, that it was the only thing that mattered, more so than the people I loved. There is no need to find a name for my acts. Those sacrifices haunt me every day._

**x x x**

"You don't have to go to there, I can always pull one of the 'engaged at another extremely important event' cards."

"I appreciate that, Anne, but I will be fine. Okay, I've got to run, they're boarding my plane."

"Okay. Safe flight."

"Thanks. I'll talk to you when I touch down in LA."

Michiru hang up her phone and slid it in her purse. She walked up to the check-in table and boarded the plane. She greeted the personnel and walked to her seat in the first class. She put her violin in the overhead compartment and sat down, watching the snowflakes outside of the window. She just finished her concert series in Britain and was taking a so-called break. So-called break meant that she had no scheduled solo performances, but had a series of events to attend and perform with a number of orchestras.

Michiru has not set her foot in California since she left it the day after her birthday, nine months ago. She has not set foot in New York either. Despite declaring that she never ran away from problems, she did not want to face them every day. She needed time to get over her own broken heart and over the pain she caused the one she loved. She did not even have the decency to hand him the divorce papers. She had her lawyer serve them. Perhaps that was why she never got them back.

The only person Michiru kept in contact with was Max. She ignored the calls from her family, her extended family. The Carey family. They stopped calling and leaving her both angry and understanding messages. Despite never talking to any of them, she knew everything that happened. Without ever discussing it, Max always gave a quick report on Alan, without ever asking. Neither of the two acknowledged to each other that that part of their conversations existed. However, there were instances when Michiru almost took a flight to be at his side based on those reports. Max was the one who held her back. For Alan's sake.

**x x x**

It was a charity event. Michiru was not a stranger to the sort, she attended them almost weekly. Over the years she learned how to use her natural ability to ride higher than the rest as a defense mechanism even more so than she did in school. She attended those events on her own, it was only natural to find her shield, her way to protect herself against the vultures of the world. She was polite, unemotional, non-argumentative, distant, and cool. Nothing what she was in private.

She made her way through the convention hall greeting the people she knew and snacking on some hors d'oeuvres. Two glasses of wine later people began to dance. Michiru made her way along the side of the room sipping on her third glass of Cabernet Sauvignon. She walked into someone and mentally swore. Making sure that her wine was still in the glass and not on her silver gown or the other person, Michiru looked up.

"You seem to be bumping into people everywhere."

Michiru finally let her breath out and started to shake from keeping herself from laughing. "At least you didn't call me names this time. I can't believe this." She shook her head and walked away.

"Excuse me? Would you care to explain yourself?"

Michiru turned around. "Explain what?"

"What is it that you can't believe?"

"I can't believe that my first day back in California I ran into one person that could remind me of everything I want to forget." Michiru turned around and walked away again.

"Wait a second." Michiru looked down to the hand on her arm and remained silent. "Have I met you before?"

"No. Never."

"Then what do you have against me?"

"Mr. Tenoh, I have nothing against you personally. Now, if you will please excuse me." She looked at her arm pointedly.

"I'm sorry, I just -"

"There you are."

As though she was in a trance, Michiru turned to see a woman clad in a short white dress walk up to the racer, setting her hand playfully on the shoulder. "Oh this is too good to be true." Michiru brought her hand to her mouth, stifling the sound that threatened to rip out of her throat. "Somebody wake me up."

"Michiru -"

"Please… don't." Michiru turned around and headed for the outside terrace. She heard the footsteps behind, but hoped that she was not followed. He hope evaporated when the door to the empty terrace opened behind her and then closed again. The sound of the music only barely penetrated the barrier to the outside.

"Michiru, hear me out."

"Go away." Michiru leaned against a banister. She felt a hand on her shoulder and pulled away. "What do you want from me?"

"Michiru, I haven't seen you in two and a half years. I just want to talk."

"I don't want to talk to you, Amanda."

"I thought you were my friend."

"Really?" Michiru turned around, her long hair getting caught by the wind. "Friends don't lie to their friends, Amanda. Friends don't hide things from each other. Friends don't walk out on each other."

"I didn't walk out on you, I walked out on Max."

Michiru snorted very inelegantly. "You never once called me after you left!"

"Because you took Max's side."

"You cheated on Max! You got where you wanted to be, Amanda, by stepping over every god damn moral you ever told me. Congratulations, what do you want from me?"

"It's not like that. I just said those awful things because I was hurting, I only cheated on Max once."

"I'm sure that makes things a lot better."

Amanda squinted her eyes. "Why are you so touchy on the subject?"

"Because Max is my friend, something you never knew how to be."

"Have you slept with her?"

"Yeah, the best sex I've had in my life."

Amanda's eyes widened and then she just smiled. "You've changed."

"Yes, I don't let people feed me crap anymore. You included. Why don't you screw your racer instead of wasting my time." Michiru started walking to the other end of the terrace, where another door led back inside.

"You've turned into a bitch."

Michiru chuckled. "I seem to get that a lot lately." She stepped back inside and closed the door shut behind herself. She was on the verge of breaking down and the lights, music and fake happiness on the inside only made her feel worse. As odd as it was, every major event in her personal life Michiru could associate with the racer. The first visit to Alan's family, the wedding, her depression, and even that god forsaken day nine months ago. The blonde was a reminder of all the things in the past she wanted to forget. And so was Amanda.

Amanda was right, Michiru did take Max's side after their breakup, but Amanda herself never once called to talk about it, never once made a gesture to reconcile their friendship. Why now? Michiru squeezed her eyes. She wanted to put the past behind, along with the people that belonged there. Michiru set her empty glass down and decided that the night was over. She made her way through the throng of people and breathed out in relief when she was able to speed up in the hallway outside. Her relief was short-lived as a hand landed itself on her upper arm once more.

"Wait."

"I'm not in the mood Mr. Tenoh." Michiru kept walking towards the freedom outside.

"Listen, I somehow feel like I did something to upset you and I have no clue what it was. Can I buy you a drink? Or maybe dinner?"

Michiru stopped and turned around. "I'm not sure what kind of an idea you got, but I'm not like your date for tonight. I'm not an easy lay."

"I don't know where you come from that you get ideas like that. I was simply being sincere."

"Seriously? You're in Hollywood, don't pretend not to know how it operates."

"Not everyone operates according to the same formula. I'm sorry for assuming you were one of those exceptions."

Michiru watched as Haruka walked away and for some reason felt both ashamed and regretful of what she just said. Mad at her self, she caught up with the blonde.

"Listen, I'm sorry, it's just… never mind. Can we start over? I'm Michiru Kaioh." She extended her hand.

"Haruka Tenoh."

"How about a late night dinner, Mr. Tenoh?"

"Haruka."

"Okay, Haruka." Michiru was blinded by a smile that made her own lips curl up at the ends.

"I know just the place."

They walked outside and waited for the valet to get Haruka's car. Michiru was studying her new acquaintance. He looked different in reality. He was taller than her, about Alan's height, but leaner than her husband, at least he looked leaner dressed in a black tailored suit and a light blue shirt. His blonde hair was a little longer than the last time she saw him on a cover page of a magazine and his eyes kept changing color based on how light fell on them. They switched between gray and dark blue.

A black Ferrari 458 Italia pulled up in front of them and Haruka held the door for Michiru. The violinist gracefully got inside and took a look around. The car smoothly ran down the street. A local radio station played through the speakers and Michiru just enjoyed the ride. Up until the newest song by Paradigm came in, that is. She looked at the panel for a moment and shut the radio off.

"I'm sorry." Haruka threw her a sideways glance.

Michiru blushed a little, realizing that it was not her or one of her friends' cars. "No, I'm sorry, that was just part of my craziness for tonight."

"Would you like to expand on that?"

"No." Michiru looked away again. "Don't you ever get tired of driving them?"

"Driving what?"

"Ferrari. That's what you race, right?"

Haruka studied her passenger sideways. "Yes. I wouldn't want to drive anything else. It's like you playing a violin, would you play piano?"

Michiru looked back at the driver, her eyebrow high on her forehead. "I can play piano, actually. I just prefer violin." She did not let Haruka reply. "So you knew who I am?"

Haruka nodded. "You were on Paradigm's first album."

"Are you a fan?"

"Not particularly, but there is a song I like."

Michiru nodded, memories flooding back. "It wouldn't be 'Step Up' by any chance, would it?"

Haruka smiled. "How do you know?"

"It was written for you."

"So I heard, although, I always thought that it was just a fan's way to make me feel better."

Michiru reminisced on the past. "No, it was written for you. The fan who sent you the song is Alan Carey's brother."

The note that Haruka received with a CD all those years ago was unsigned. "How do you know that?"

Michiru shrugged. "The band used to be my family."

"What did you do to get banished?"

"What makes you think that I did something and not them?"

"Well, there were two possibilities and I picked one."

To Michiru's relief, they pulled into a parking lot and she used it as a reason not to answer the question. They had dinner on the patio of a small restaurant Haruka frequented when in town. The conversation never again turned to anything from their past and Michiru felt completely relaxed for the first time since she left Alan, since she left her band family. Only two people made her feel this good in the past: Alan and Max. She willed the sorrowful thoughts away as Haruka drove her to her hotel.

"Are you doing anything special tomorrow night?" Haruka was standing against her car across from the entrance to Michiru's hotel.

Michiru declined all invitations to events and performances for the next night because it was the first time she was going to celebrate New Years on her own. She fully intended to do so with a pint of ice cream and a bottle of gin.

"I'm sorry, I'm sure you have plans." Haruka waved the question off.

Michiru considered her situation for a moment. Whatever she had against the racer at the beginning of the night dissipated as the night progressed. Sure there were associations she could make, but overall the person she met had nothing to do with her past and was not anyone she really knew in her past. Perhaps being with someone was better than sitting in her room alone.

"I do. Although, if you have something better than fattening foods and alcohol in mind, I may consider."

"Well, there are your usual celeb parties, public benefits, and New Years programs." Haruka smiled as Michiru chuckled. "I was thinking more along the lines of joining the celebration as a regular person. Lose the public face, if only for the night and see it as normal people do. Would you like to join me?"

As strange as it was, it sounded terrific to Michiru. Despite loving what she did, she was growing tired of her own popularity and the idea of being ordinary again, if only for one night, sounded perfect. "I'd love to."

"Okay, I'll pick you up at eight."

"Haruka?"

"Mmh?"

"You can't drive that tomorrow." Michiru pointed to the car.

Haruka smiled. "I'll come on foot."

"I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Good Night, Michiru."

"Good Night, Haruka."

**x x x**

Michiru checked herself in the mirror for the umpteenth time and wondered why it even mattered how she looked. It was not like she was going on a date. She was going to celebrate New Years with the crowds outside with an acquaintance she met the day before. She was wearing a pair of black skinny jeans and a navy top that reached below her hips and exposed her back. It was simple, but elegant. Paired with the jeans she looked like every other clubbing girl in the city. Well, maybe she was a little too covered for clubbing, but that was not what she was going to do anyway. Michiru checked her wig to make sure that none of her aqua hair stuck out anywhere and went to pick her shoes. She did not really have that many choices, having been living on the move in the past nine months, she did not have a permanent wardrobe. Her current choices consisted of formal pumps or wedge sandals. Michiru decided to go with the Sergio Rossi sandals that she purchased on her most recent visit to Italy. A soft knock on the door echoed through the room as she strapped her foot in.

"Just a sec." She finished putting her shoes on and opened the door.

"Hi."

"Hi." Michiru gave the racer a once-over. Black Puma Ferraris, dark blue fitted jeans, a white shirt with some thin navy lines that merged in an abstract pattern. Same gray eyes, same unruly blonde hair. "That's not much of a disguise."

Haruka smiled. "Wait for it."

Michiru watched as a navy fedora appeared from behind the racer's back and sat snuggly over the blonde head. "Oh my, I would've never been able to tell that it's you."

Haruka cocked an eyebrow. There were ways to be completely unrecognizable, even by the violinist, but she was not willing to risk her career for a night of entertainment with someone she just met. "Not everyone can just plop a wig on their most obviously recognizable attribute."

"Touché." Michiru smiled. "Let me just grab my phone." She put her phone in the pocket of her jeans, next to her license, credit card, and the hotel key card, and they made their way out of the hotel. "So, where are we going?"

"Well, first we're going for a ride."

"I thought you said you weren't driving your fancy car today."

"I'm not. That's why I'm wearing these."

Michiru looked at Haruka's shoes and laughed. "You're too much."

Haruka bowed down playfully. "We're going to take a taxi." Haruka followed up on her promise by hauling a cab. "100 Aquarium Way, Long Beach please."

"No problem."

Michiru settled in the back seat, a short distance away from her co-passenger and eyed 'him' suspiciously. "What's at 100 Aquarium Way?"

"It's a surprise."

"I thought we were blending in with the crowds."

"We are, just a very specific crowd in a very specific place." Haruka looked at her with one of those charming smiles. "Trust me, you'll like it."

"You've met me once, how do you know what I would like?"

"Hmm. Let's just say I'm a good judge of character."

"Does that pickup line work for you often?"

Haruka smiled wider. "Why would I need a pickup line? You're already in the car with me."

Michiru chuckled at the trap she set for herself. "I thought you weren't interested."

"I never said that. I said I wanted to get you a drink or a dinner as an apology for whatever it is that upset you, which doesn't preclude me from being interested."

Michiru shook her head, smiling.

"What?"

"I haven't had this kind of a discargument in a very long time."

"Discargument?"

"Yes, a pleasantly argumentative discussion."

"How long did it take you to come up with that one?"

"Actually, it's Amanda's term. She argues with everyone, but means no harm by it."

"Yes, I've noticed."

"How well do you know her?"

Haruka shrugged. "She's an acquaintance, an occasional pleasant company."

"I'm sure she is." Michiru looked away trough the window.

"That's not what I meant." Haruka looked at the violinist who was still watching the scenery. "What happened between you two anyway?"

"She cheated on my best friend."

"She seems like someone who takes relationships seriously."

Michiru finally looked at Haruka and wondered what kind of acquaintances they were if the racer formed a judgment on something so personal. "She slept with a producer to get a role."

Haruka winced. "Doesn't sound like Amanda I know."

Michiru snorted quietly. "I used to think that way too."

"Maybe he was wrong."

"He?"

"Your friend."

"No, she confronted Amanda straightforwardly."

Haruka sat upright. "Wait, Amanda dated a woman?"

"Why are you so surprised?"

"Because she's been dating my agent for over a year and h's a man, last time I checked."

Michiru shrugged. "She was gay for the three years she dated Max."

"I guess life is full of surprises, huh?"

"It is." Michiru watched as they pulled into an industrial area.

"Dock 3." Haruka told the driver.

The taxi made its way along the waterfront and stopped by a dock filled with people. Haruka paid the fare and they both got out. Michiru looked around and breathed in the water-scented air. A large yacht was docked where the majority of people stood and she looked at her companion. "I'm assuming we're going on that yacht?"

"You're assuming right." Haruka looked around and pulled a couple of tickets out of the back pocket. "They should start boarding at nine, let's get in line."

"It's very refreshing."

"Yes, the breeze -"

Michiru's melodic laughter interrupted Haruka. "No, getting in line is very refreshing. I don't think I've stood in line for a party since… Ever."

"You never stood in line for a party? What a pity. How is that even possible?"

Michiru shrugged. "I started going to the parties when Max made me. I think there wasn't a club in New York where she didn't have connections at that point."

They took their spot at the end of the line and Haruka raised her head up, trying to catch the tail of her thought. "Max… Max…" She looked at the violinist with narrow eyes. "You're not talking about Max Du Bois, are you?"

"Why?"

"You are, aren't you?"

"Do you know her?"

Haruka shook her head slowly. "No, not really. I've been to one of her live sets."

Michiru laughed. "This world is really entirely too small."

"Agreed." Haruka looked over the laughing woman, a gleam of mischief in her eyes.

"Your tickets and ids?"

**x x x**

They walked around the three levels and found themselves on the deck.

"So, do you want to stay here?" Haruka leaned with her back against the railing.

"For now." Michiru grabbed the railing with her hands and leaned over the side to look at the water. "How long is the cruise?"

"Four hours. Complete with fireworks at midnight."

"Wonderful."

"What would you like to drink?"

"Mmm. Do you think 'midnight liaison' would be too much to ask?"

"What's in it?"

"I have no idea." Michiru blinked innocently. It never once occurred to her to ask what the ingredients were. "It's blue."

"I doubt they have specialized liquor."

"Okay. What are you having?"

Haruka scratched the back of her neck. "Well, gin and tonic is hard to mess up."

"True. See if they can do mine with a piece of cucumber."

"Can't just be ordinary, can you?"

Michiru cocked her head to the side. "Would I be here if I was ordinary?"

"Touché." Haruka smiled and left to get the drinks.

They ended up checking out both dance levels in the next three hours, but made their way back to the deck to watch the fireworks. Michiru felt the breeze caress the exposed skin of her back, relieving some of the heat from both dancing and alcohol. Despite thinking that she came out only not to be by herself on New Year's Eve, Michiru found Haruka's company exceedingly pleasant. They chatted about nothing in particular, sipping on their drinks, and watching the drunk people that surrounded them. Michiru's phone vibrated in her pocket at five to midnight.

"Sorry, I have to take this." Michiru smiled apologetically and picked up the call without moving away. "Hi darling!"

"_Hi back!"_

"I thought you had a busy night tonight."

"_I do, but you didn't think that I would leave you to step into the next decade by yourself, did you?"_

"Awww… that's why I love you."

"_Don't throw love confessions so easily around."_

"I mean it!"

"_Have you been drinking?"_

"Yes, but I'm not sitting in a hotel room by myself."

"_I can hear that. Well, whoever he is, thank him from me."_

"How do you know it's a 'he'?"

Haruka cocked an eyebrow. _'Yeah, really, how do you?' _She stifled a chuckle and continued eavesdropping.

"_Are you still on a new experience train?"_

"Come on, Max, it's beginning of a new year, it should be full of new experiences."

"_Uh huh. Would you be a dear and call me in the morning?"_

"What, you think I will be dismembered and left in a ditch?"

"_See, now you make me worried."_

"Stop worrying, we only have thirty seconds left." Michiru looked at the large clock that was put above the deck. People on both ends of the line started counting seconds to the new year. Michiru smiled. "Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, o-"

Her eyes widened as she felt her body come up against a taller, firmer one. Soft lips took possession of her own and Michiru forgot all about the count, the people, the fireworks that exploded behind them, and her friend on the phone. She wrapped her hands around Haruka's neck and partook in the dominance game that she enjoyed greatly.

"_Happy New Year, Mich." _

The words reached her from a distance and Michiru opened her eyes, long enough to disconnect the call. The tongue that traced the outline of her lips and then invaded her mouth made her lose herself in the moment.


	12. CH 11

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Haruka and Michiru's characters, they belong to Naoko Takeuchi. All other characters and this story belong to me.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**AN:** Thanks to everyone for all the reviews… I'm posting early, but you know what the problem is? You still won't be satisfied because you'll want to read the next chapter… it's just how it goes… sorry :)

_**lostinhersong:**_ yeah, I didn't feel like beating around the bush. I mean, technically, I've been doing this for 10 chapters with them meeting and nothing happening :)

_**Arufa:**_ sometimes things get to you, so you just take the easy way out. Well, I've been to a number of places, but my top 5 cities around the world that I've been to more than once and have considered living in (or have lived in) are: 1. Toronto, 2. St. Petersburg, 3. Chicago, 4. San-Francisco, 5. New York (in that order). I don't live in either of them though :(

_**SeraEris:**_ well duh, I know that's what you do :) I was being sarcastic :P And what, Haruka and I were on the same wave (which is kinda easy when I'm writing her actions :D ) - she felt like getting right into it.

_**qwerty: **_nice, that was good :)

_**petiyaka: **_wrong. She will complain :P I love your flower metaphor, it's great :)

_**Mantaray:**_ You know I was being sarcastic about m own status as your favorite author, right? Anyhow, here you go and there's still time 'till fun on Saturday :)

_**Tenoh and Kaioh: **_Yeah, I didn't want Haruka to do anything with Amanda (I mean anything meaningful)

_**Fusionmix:**_ no, I'm not, but I'm working on it :) Thank you! I feel bad for him on and off. He should move on.

_Back..._

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**Chapter 11**

The pounding in her head meant one of two things: she overslept or she was having a rare hangover. Michiru opened her eyes and the wave of pain made her nauseous. She squeezed her eyes, hoping that she could go back to having just a pounding headache and not a world war three played by the neurons in her head. Grunting, she carefully made her way off the bed, climbing down to all fours and proceeding slowly to the bathroom. Michiru hugged the porcelain bowl and emptied the contents of her stomach. After her body had nothing left to purge, she curled up on the towel that she left on the bathroom floor last night, when she used it as a mat. Hugging her shivering self, she tried to remember anything that happened the night before. Her mind drew a total blank.

The phone vibrated somewhere in the room and Michiru listened to the sound, unwilling and unable to move off of her temporary resting spot. She closed her eyes and fell back into the darkness. Next time she woke up it was because of an impatient knocking on the door. She slowly scrambled to her feet and walked unsteadily to the door. Not having any energy to care who it was, Michiru pulled it open and leaned against the wall.

"Jesus, you look like hell. You could've at least put some clothes on."

Michiru squirmed from the cheerful voice that was a bit too loud for her current state and looked at herself for the first time since she climbed out of bed. She was wearing a backless navy top that was now officially ruined and her black panties. "Like you give a shit." Michiru rubbed her forehead. "What are you doing here?"

"You disappeared on me like Cinderella. With the last second of the passing day you left me hanging on the other end of the line and never responded. Nor did you pick up any of my calls."

Michiru walked along the wall and fell on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. It was spinning in all directions. "So you flew here from New York? How did you even make it?"

Max walked up to the bed and looked down at Michiru in concern. "What time do you think it is?"

"I dunno, I just woke up… ish."

"It's seven at night, Mich. I took the first plane available after the show. I even had time for two freaking layovers. Do you have any aspirin around?"

"There should be some in the small suitcase."

Max returned a few minutes later with a glass of water and a handful of pills. "Take this and get your ass in the shower."

"I don't feel well enough for a shower yet."

"You smell nasty, so I don't care if I have to force you in there."

"Thanks darling, you're so sweet."

"You don't need sweet, you need spanking." Max watched Michiru take the pills. "What the hell happened?"

"I don't know."

"Who were you with?"

"A fan of yours."

"Fantastic, this tells me volumes. What's the name?"

"Don't ask me that."

"Why?"

"It's complicated."

To Michiru's relief, Max decided not to press the issue. "Go." Max pulled Michiru up and pushed her towards the bathroom. Unwillingly, Michiru went.

Satisfied when she heard the running water, Max picked up Michiru's clothes and shoes that were scattered around the room and made the bed. A soft knock on the door interrupted her housekeeping services. She opened the door and just stared. After a few moments of silence, Max shut the door closed and shook her head, getting rid of the visual her imagination presented. An annoyed knock on the door made her slowly open it again.

"Have you no manners anymore?"

"Sorry, I thought I was having a hallucination."

"I didn't realize you still daydreamed about me, Max."

"No, the hallucination involved a demon in sheep's clothing that appeared at Michiru's door. What are you doing here, Amanda?"

Amanda rubbed her left arm with her right hand. "I'm checking on Michiru."

"Were you the one who got her drunk?"

Amanda laughed nervously. "Oh no, I wasn't even there."

"Then why are you here?"

"I was asked to check on her."

"By whom?" Max was losing her patience.

They both turned as Michiru walked up to them. "What are you doing here?"

"Don't kill the messenger." Amanda gave Michiru a pitiful look. "I was asked to make sure that you're okay."

"He could've called me himself."

"You didn't pick up your phone."

"That's true." Max, who also tried calling Michiru since midnight, confirmed.

"Great. I see you're already past your former disagreements. Have a good night." Michiru used all of her energy to push Max out and closed the door.

**x x x**

"I like your hair braided."

Max instinctively put her hand through her locks. "Thanks."

"How have you been?" They sat at a small café by the lobby of Michiru's hotel.

"Busy. You?"

"Working non-stop." Amanda sipped on her hot tea. "I'm dating someone."

"Good for you." Max looked away.

"I didn't mean it like that."

"How did you mean it then?" Max looked back at her ex.

Amanda could not force herself to meet Max's eyes. "I don't want you to find out from someone else. I'm dating a guy."

Max was not sure if she was supposed to laugh or cry. In the end, it came out indifferent. "Is that supposed to shock me?" She studied the younger woman. "Who is he?"

"His name is Joe, he's a celeb agent."

"Does he represent you?"

Amanda narrowed her eyes. "No. Listen, I didn't mean those things I said when we broke up. I only cheated on you once."

"Water under the bridge, Amanda."

The tone chilled the actress. "Not to me."

"If it wasn't, you would've contacted me before. At the very least you shouldn't have abandoned your friend."

"She seems to fair well."

Max sighed. "You have no idea what she's been through."

"We all have been through a lot, Max, we all came out on the other side."

**x x x**

Though there was a gap between the deck of the yacht at midnight and the vision that currently filled her mind, brought up by the insane amount of alcohol she consumed to wish away the desire, she remembered the cab ride clearly. The back seat, illuminated only by the occasional streetlights and oncoming traffic, was a heaven. Though there was not a part of each other's mouth that they have not explored at that point, they could not force themselves to part even for a necessary breath. Haruka also found that backless tops provided easy and not unnecessarily obvious access to one's chest, so her hands roamed the full mounds of the girl that was only too willing to oblige. The taste of her mouth, the feel of her skin, the sensation she felt that whole time made Haruka crazy. She was only too happy when the cab ride was over and she deposited her date at the hotel where she found her, returning back to the cab. She shuddered at the possibilities of what would have happened if she had her car.

"Man, you look like shit."

She looked up to see her manager, Joe, stand in front of the lounger she was currently half-laying on. Though the sun was starting to make its way to the horizon, it was still bright enough for her to squint. Especially with the pain she felt shoot through her temples. "Remind me again why I keep you around?"

"I'm unfuckable?"

"That and vulgar." She closed her eyes back, getting rid of the image of a skinny man who was barely her height, but seemed to attract attention by his golden tan and general surfer look. She never cared for his unnecessarily long sandy blonde hair or his light blue eyes. Not that she would care if he looked anything different either. She mentally shook her head and returned to much more pleasant daydreaming.

"Here, have some."

With an over-exaggerated sigh she opened one of her eyes and looked at the glass he extended to her. "Bloody Mary?"

"Yes. How many drinks have you had, exactly?"

"Is that any of your business?"

"You _are _my business, so yes, I'd like to know how many brain cells you killed and how much damage you did to your athletic body."

"You don't give two shits about my brain." She looked at her body clad in wide pool pants and an oversized t-shirt. "And I'm sure a few too many every once in a while won't undo the work I put in otherwise."

"That's what they all say." Joe sat down in a lounger next to her and looked at the empty pool. "Who is she?"

"Eh?"

"The girl, Haruka."

"Doesn't matter, I won't see her again."

"It always matters and why won't you?"

She stared at him. "I think your brain was damaged recently."

"You know, it would be much easier for you to have a full-time girlfriend."

"That would require trust I don't possess towards anyone. Not even your full-time girlfriend."

"You can't live your whole life like that."

"I made a choice."

"Your contract is up for renewal."

She chuckled sourly. "Yes, why don't we call a press conference and accuse one of the better well-known companies of this world of concealing my gender because they weren't willing to take the risk of bringing on a woman."

"You're the first woman to have ever won, they should be proud."

"You're preaching to the convinced." She sat up carefully, feeling better from the drink. "What time is it?"

"Just past eight."

"Let me know when Amanda gets here."

"Where are you going?" Joe looked up at his friend.

"I'm gonna play for Karin."

**x x x**

**I am a woman. Born a woman, raised a woman. I have never had issues with my body, why would I? I look hot, male or female. Sure I was a tomboy growing up, but who would wear skirts to go cart racing? Or to run around the tracks full of men? I wanted to learn from them, not have them check my ass out every time I came in their sight. I could not have possibly known that that would lead to a misunderstanding that would put my whole career at risk and then end up ruining it. **

**x x x**

Michiru was dosing off on the bed when she heard someone open the door and walk inside her room. She sat upright, instantly regretting her action as another wave of nausea made her cringe.

"How did you get in?" She stared at Max, who turned on a side light.

"I grabbed the extra key while you were in the shower." She put a plastic container in front of Michiru. "Thanks for throwing me out with my ex."

"According to you, you had a key. You chose to go with her." Michiru opened the container and wrinkled her nose. "What is it?"

"Polish sausage, mashed potatoes and sauerkraut." She smiled at Michiru's antics. "Food is good for you, sauerkraut is a great hangover remedy."

"How would you know?"

"Don't you ever pick up useful tips while traveling?"

"Only ones I find appealing."

Max shook her head as she watched Michiru tentatively try the food. "So explain to me why you felt the need to get trashed?"

Michiru set her fork down. "I like him."

"The mystery man."

Michiru nodded. "I ran into him at the charity event and then we had dinner together. Then he invited me out for New Years and I agreed."

"So what's the problem?"

"It's too soon."

"Too soon for you or for Alan?"

"Both?"

"If it was, you wouldn't have been drinking yourself into a stupor. I'm surprised you didn't do the deed as it is."

"It doesn't matter, nothing can happen anyway. I'm here for three weeks, then I'm off around the world again."

"Have you thought of settling down somewhere?"

"I like my gypsy style of living." Michiru knew that it was not true, and so did Max. "I have no idea where that would be, Max."

"Japan?"

"I wouldn't be with my family, so it doesn't matter. I probably visit them as often as I would if I was living in Tokyo."

"Then let's get a place together somewhere."

"You're so sweet, but you already have a home."

"That family is not the same without you."

"I'm sorry."

"Just think about it."

**x x x**

They both stood to the side of the room, enjoying the relaxing notes of Mozart. Haruka sat at a baby grand piano that was a requirement for all houses she rented temporarily on her travels. The house she was currently staying in belonged to Joe and he bought the piano for her after their first two years together. He has never once regretted that expenditure. She was playing Piano Concerto No. 21 and Joe's mind was taken as far away from racing as it could be. All he could think about was gentle gliding of a leaf in the air. Haruka stopped playing and they both applauded. She bowed to them and closed the keys.

"I wish I could hear you play with an orchestra. That's where you belong."

"Don't put silly thoughts like that in Haruka's mind." Joe warned, a light hint of true concern in his features.

"I went to Juilliard, you know. You would've fit so well there."

"You went to Juilliard?" Haruka was going to ask Amanda why she even bothered, but bit her tongue.

"Yes, Michiru did too."

Haruka's hands froze on top of the cover as a memory from the past lingered at the fringe of her mind. That one night she spent at the dorms. _'No, it couldn't have been.'_

"What's wrong?"

Haruka looked at the blonde woman in front of her and shook her head. "Nothing. How is she?"

Amanda shrugged. "Alive. She slammed a door in my face, so I'm guessing she'll be back to normal in no time."

Haruka smiled. "You two should make up."

Amanda cocked an eyebrow. "What do you know?"

"Nothing you should be concerned about."

Amanda dismissed her suspicions until a later time. "Did you come across Paradigm's members last night?"

"Why?"

"Well, Max was with Mich when I visited, but I didn't see the rest of them."

"No, none of them were there."

Amanda narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "How exactly did you end up spending last night with Michiru?"

"I invited her and she agreed. Do you have a problem with that?"

"She's with someone." Amanda warned.

Though she was not intending to date the violinist or even see her again, Haruka's pride was pinched. "Well, last night she was with me."

**x x x**

The soothing notes of Vivaldi's 'Four Seasons' filled the Walt Disney Concert Hall. Michiru played with her eyes closed, feeling the music with her whole being. Though she loved being a solo musician, moments like these made her feel a part of bigger whole. Being a guest musician with orchestras around the world gave her opportunities she used to wish for. Now she just enjoyed them. The sound of her violin died away for a moment and returned with the accompaniments. She opened her eyes as the sound intensified, watching the audience. Occasionally she would catch people dozing off or openly sleeping and it always made her smile. Unless it was her concert, then it just annoyed her. Why would people even bother coming if they were that bored? Her eyes lingered on the front row and connected with familiar blue ones. She immediately looked away under the pretense of checking the music sheet in front of her.

Her favorite part of the 'Winter' was coming up and Michiru forgot all about the racer sitting in the audience and her own apprehensions. As she played her lead, she thought about making her own rendition of the piece, using the electric violin. She has not used it in a long time, keeping the instrument and the memories that came with it as far away as possible. Now, however, there was this overwhelming desire to try something new. Something that made her audience's heart beat as fast as her own was beating right now.

**x x x**

A few members of the visiting orchestra talked to Michiru backstage after the performance. Most of them were people she played with before in Europe and has not seen in at least a couple of months. As her last conversation ended, she noticed a tall figure casually leaning against the wall not too far away. She grabbed her shawl and her violin and walked up to the blonde.

"What are you doing here?"

"I keep asking myself the same question."

"I didn't peg you as one for classical music."

"Then you obviously have a lot to learn about me." Haruka smiled.

Michiru narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "Who's your favorite composer?"

"You." Haruka chuckled as MIchiru's social mask slipped momentarily at the answer she did not expect. "I prefer listening to Tschaikowsky, but I like playing Mozart."

"What do you play?"

Haruka smiled. "That's a card I'm keeping up my sleeve. How about you?"

"I play violin." Michiru teased.

"The composer."

"Bach."

"How fitting, especially if you add the modern twist."

"What modern twist?"

Haruka held the door for the violinist. "The one _you're_ hiding up your sleeve."

Michiru passed, hiding her smile. Maybe Haruka was a good judge of character.

"So, what kind of food would you like for dinner?"

"I'm sorry, when did I agree to have dinner with you?" Michiru walked next to Haruka down the hall towards the employee exit at the back of the concert hall.

"I think it was sometime between the deck and the cab ride."

Michiru stopped dead in her tracks. Unlike Haruka, she remembered nothing about the cab ride until just a moment ago. Haruka seized the moment and pushed the violinist against the wall. Her lips found those of the smaller girl and Haruka kissed her deeply. Michiru responded after the initial hesitation. As the kiss deepened, her hand came up Haruka's arm to rest on her shoulder and then slowly slid down towards her chest. Haruka caught the fine hand instinctively and broke the kiss.

She cleared her throat. "We should get going."

Michiru straightened herself. "Yeah."

**x x x**

They sat in a small Japanese restaurant a few blocks away from the Concert Hall. Haruka played with the seaweed on top of her teriyaki chicken salad while Michiru nibbled on her assorted sashimi. Haruka finally put a piece of chicken in her mouth and closed her eyes in satisfaction. Michiru smiled, watching the blonde from underneath her lashes.

"So why are you spending the holidays here?" Michiru probed.

"As opposed to?"

"With your family."

Haruka looked away. "I spent Christmas with them. New Years is… no longer a family holiday."

Michiru caught a glimpse of pain that settled in the blue eyes. She wanted to ask more, but held herself in check.

"What about you?"

"My family is in Japan, I have concerts here."

"What about your other family?" Remembering Amanda's question from earlier in the week, Haruka referred to Paradigm.

It was Michiru's turn to look away, hiding her own pain. Haruka noticed. "Wow, we're really good at this, aren't we? Bringing up the touchy subjects."

"I'm sorry, I started it."

"Don't worry about it."

Michiru nodded slowly. "I assumed that I would never see you again when Amanda showed up on my doorstep."

"That was my assumption as well."

"What changed?"

Haruka set her chopsticks down. "I like you. I like your company. I mean, you're a beautiful woman, but I enjoy your company." Haruka pinched the bridge of her nose. "And I'm stuttering like a teenager. What I meant to say was that I'm going to be in California for another two weeks and I would love it if we could meet like that. Just hang out together. No strings attached, no expectations."

Michiru considered the proposition. It did not seem like Haruka implied any non-platonic relationship, but Michiru wondered where another two weeks of meeting like this would take them. On the other hand, what did she have to lose?

"Okay. I'm leaving on the twenty-sixth."

Haruka smiled. "I have to be in Italy on twenty-eighth."

"A race?"

"No, the car launch. Then I'll be training."

"When is your next race?"

"At the end of March in Australia."

Michiru cocked her head sideways. "I'll be in Japan for the month of March."

"You should come visit then."

Michiru smiled non-committaly. "So where are you from?"

"That's quite a change of topic." Haruka laughed.

"Well, you know, I said Japan, and it popped into my mind." She poured herself some hot green tea and relaxed into the back of her chair.

"I'm from a small town in the middle of New York State."

Michiru nodded. "Watkins Glen."

Haruka was a little impressed. "Beaver Dams, actually, but the official version is Watkins Glen, you're right."

"But where are you really from?"

"What do you mean?"

"You have a Japanese name."

Haruka half-shrugged. "So?"

"I've met your father, he's not Japanese."

Now Haruka was really surprised. "When did you meet my father?"

"I was there when the CD you got was sent to you. Your father is very proud of you, but he never added color to your achievements. I was very impressed. Back to my point, though, you look nothing like him."

Haruka stared at her empty plate. "You're right, I don't." She did not know why she felt like sharing with the girl sitting across from her. Perhaps it was because she already seemed strangely connected to the racer, or perhaps because she was simply not acting like herself. Haruka sitting at the restaurant with Michiru when she vowed not to see the violinist again was case in point. "I was adopted. I was born in Japan and they found me when I was four months old, but by the time adoption went through I was two."

Michiru's eyebrows rose high on her forehead. "I'm sorry to hear that."

Haruka shrugged. "I don't remember any of my time there anyway. I feel bad for my parents mostly. They decided to adopt after years of trying to get pregnant. While my adoption was being worked out, my mom got pregnant."

"But they still followed through with the adoption."

Haruka smiled like Michiru has never seen her smile before. It was a warm smile from somewhere deep down. "My parents have never failed to follow through with anything in their life. It turned out to be only better. My sister and I had eight months between us, we always were in the same grade, we developed together."

"That's wonderful. I wish I had a sibling like that."

"Yeah." Haruka's smile faded. "She was more than my sister, she was my best friend."

"Was?" Michiru breathed out. She felt like she was reliving a moment from her past. Why was it that she always managed to get into people's deepest secrets? The ones she did not necessarily want to know. Like Max's background. Now this.

"She had leukemia. She was mostly acting like a normal kid despite the meds and treatment, until it got too much, our first year of high school."

"How old was she?"

"Seventeen."

"My god."

Haruka did not hear what Michiru said, she was lost in the world of her memories. For so many years she hoped that the treatment would help, that Karin would not have to spend most of her time at the hospital, but it turned inevitable. The worst part of it was that she crashed at the end. She made them believe that she was feeling better than she was for months, stubbornness runs in the Tenoh family, blood relation or not. Karin was her usual self at the Christmas table. She was fine for the next two days, and then she just collapsed.

"She died the day before New Year. I haven't celebrated it with my parents since."

Michiru put her hand on Haruka's in comforting gesture. She realized that no matter what she said, the blonde would not hear her, nor would she really care. Haruka must have had her share of pity from others and she did not seem like the kind who needed it.

"What was she like?"

That same warm smile played at Haruka's lips again. "My complete opposite. Beautiful, feminine, frail, but incredibly smart and ambitious."

"That doesn't sound like your opposite. The smart and ambitious part I mean."

Haruka chuckled. "I only wanted to race, she was the one who wanted me to be a celebrity. I never cared for that. As far as smart… I mean she was book smart. She loved to read, she was like a walking encyclopedia. I just wanted to spend all my time outside, at the tracks."

"Of course you did, you were a boy."

That one sentence was like a slap to Haruka's entire system. She shook off her memories and wondered how she could be so careless in a first place. She was sharing the most important things with a stranger. One who knew nothing of her. She cleared her throat. "Right."

Michiru did not know what it was that she said to cause such a change in the person across from her. One moment the blonde was sharing, the next a door was shut and Haruka Tenoh's public mask was back in place.

**x x x**

Michiru was dropped off in front of her hotel and she wondered if it, once again, would be the last time she saw the racer. Despite the invitation she received at the beginning of their dinner, Michiru felt like Haruka was much more distant by the end of the night, not really leaving any indication of what was to follow. Michiru watched the black car drive away and slowly walked back to her room. The thought of never seeing the blonde again was strangely unsettling. Even not getting a goodbye kiss was disappointing. Michiru exited the elevator and pulled out her hotel card. It slipped out of her suddenly numb fingers as a familiar figure of Alan sitting in front of her room came to view.

**x x x**

_Many cultures have different tales and beliefs about people being connected. In my culture, we believe that soulmates are connected by an invisible thread attached to their little fingers. I wonder, though, if it is possible to be connected to more than one person. How else would you explain when your heart feels love and pain the same way towards more than one person?_


	13. CH 12

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Haruka and Michiru's characters, they belong to Naoko Takeuchi. All other characters and this story belong to me.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**AN:** Well, I think this is my favorite chapter so far, so I hope you enjoy it. Thanks for all the reviews!

_**petiyaka:**_ you get what you wish for darling. Now, the last sentence, I think, was in Franglish, so would you care to translate? Or am I reading it right that you want Max to marry Michiru?

_**lostinhersong:**_ oh no, this isn't the end… it's only the beginning o_O

_**Arufa:**_ some people don't really let you forget about themselves, do they? I'm in the Queen City (to satisfy your cute nosiness)

_**qwerty: **_I don't think I know how to do short chapters, so I'm glad you like the length :)

_**Mantaray: **_the rating of this chapter will be a lot more on point, so use discretion :D

_**Jay:**_ Sorry, cliffhangers are fun when you're the one knowing what happens next… yes, I am evil

_**SeraEris: **_Thanks! You know I try to keep them in character :)

_**Tenoh and Kaioh:**_ did I say that she trains for 2 months at a time? My brain is in so many places right now, I don't know what I wrote and where (oh oh) Haruka doesn't live in the states, so I didn't mean for her training to be in the actual country where the prix is held, she has her own arrangements to have fun :) (i.e. Practice/train for normal people) You'll see in the next chappie

_Back…_

_**Oh yes, this chapter is rated "M" for minor language and not minor action :P**_

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**Chapter 12**

Michiru picked up her key card and walked up to the man who was watching her from the floor. He was dressed in ripped jeans, a shirt and a racer jacket. Just like he was most of the time. He looked thinner and some lines permanently etched themselves around his eyes and in his forehead. Even his eyes seemed a little duller.

"Hi."

"Where have you been?"

Michiru unlocked the door and walked inside, leaving it open. Alan followed. "Are you seeing someone, Mich?"

Michiru set her violin and her purse down and took off her shawl. "You don't see me for almost a year and the first thing out of your mouth is where I've been followed by who I've been with?"

"You are my wife."

Michiru rubbed her forehead, feeling the headache coming on. "I was hoping you'd get over this by now."

"Like you did?" Alan walked back and shut the door. "Tell me, how long did it take you to jump in someone else's bed?"

Michiru snapped out of her self-pitying moment. She walked up to Alan and slapped him as hard as she could. "Do not patronize me! Even if I chose to sleep with someone the night you walked out of that hotel room, it was after I left you. You have no right to come here and ask me or accuse me of anything!"

Alan grabbed her waist and brought Michiru into an embrace. She tried to resist, but his hands circled her back and held her close. He did not try to kiss her, he just set his lips on top of her head and breathed in her scent. "I miss you so much. Every moment of every day, Mich. Why won't you come back to me?"

"Please don't do this to me. I gave you time, I avoided you all this time so that you could heal. Don't come here now and ask of me something I can't do."

Alan chuckled sourly. "Just because you're physically not around me, it doesn't mean that you're not there. Everywhere I go, Mich… your pictures are on the posters for the future performances, your images are in the magazines… your music is everywhere. I even play your music at every god damn performance. How am I supposed to heal? When every moment of every day is a constant reminder that you're not with me?"

"Find someone else."

He let go of her on an impulse. "Find someone else? That's your solution? Is that what you did?"

Michiru threw her hands in the air. "Here we go again. Full circle, back to the starting point. Not that it concerns you, but I am not dating anyone, haven't dated anyone since we broke up. Does that make you feel better?"

"Then why don't we just try again?"

Michiru threw her head backwards and emptied her lungs slowly. "Because I never intended to end our marriage because of someone else. There was no one else. It's about you and I. We were no longer working. There was no spark, there was nothing but mundane reality of our work lives and occasional meeting with one another, mostly as friends. That's not a healthy marriage."

"You have to make an effort to keep it healthy."

"Well, I don't want to anymore! I gave up, Alan. I gave up on our marriage, I'm a terrible person, why don't you hate me instead of living in that illusion of us having any resemblance of the feelings that brought us together left?" She wanted to scream out of frustration. Every day of those nine months Michiru thought about the pain she inflicted on someone she loved. She still loved Alan, just not in the romantic way. She punished herself for her disregard of his feelings and truly felt for him. Yet when he stood in front of her like he did now, all she wanted was to shake him until he got her point across.

"Because I could never hate you!"

"They say hate is only a step away from love."

"It's not that easy, Mich."

Michiru bit on her lower lip. "Really? Okay then. I lied to you. I am dating someone. We spent the holidays together. As a matter of fact, he just surprised me by coming to my performance. We had dinner at a small Japanese restaurant afterward. What else would you like to know? How his touch affects me? How I love it when he kisses me? How we almost had sex in the hallway of the concert hall because we're that desperate for each other?" Michiru was almost yelling as tears collected in the corners of her eyes. She was blaming herself for liking Haruka, why not let Alan blame her for that instead?

"STOP!" Alan walked away only to turn around and come back. "You're just saying this to prove your point. You want me to hate you, when there's nothing to hate."

"You think I just made this up?"

"YES!"

Michiru pulled out her phone. "Call Max. Call her and ask her if I was too busy kissing my new boyfriend on New Years to finish my conversation with her!"

Alan took a step back. "Please don't lie…"

"I'm NOT!" Michiru felt tears stream down her cheeks. "We're done, Alan… there's no turning back. I want to be your friend, I want to be able to preserve at least something we used to have because I still love you, but I don't love you as I used to. I love you like I love Max. As a friend. You can't have me as your wife anymore!"

Alan wiped his own tears and turned around without another word. He walked back to the door and left Michiru in her room like he did last time she saw him. Michiru followed him and replaced the chain, making sure that the door was locked. When she was absolutely sure that Alan was gone, she slid down the wall to the floor and let her cries break loose.

**x x x**

Haruka's fingers moved quickly and forcefully across the keys. The sound of the "Turkish March" filled the empty house. As she started on the third movement, her fingers sped up and the melody rushed through, broadcasting Haruka's frustration to the absent listeners. She closed her eyes tight and let her fingers do whatever they wanted. It was not like she had an audience, not really.

_"Please promise me that you will apply to Juilliard."_

_"Why?"_

_"Because you have a tremendous talent. You can be on any stage, performing with the famous orchestras around the world… and I can listen."_

_x x x  
_

"_What's this?"_

"_The acceptance letter."_

"_To Juilliard? I knew you could do it! Oh, Haruka, this is so awesome… your music… I will never stop listening to you."_

_x x x_

"_Karin, Karin, what's wrong?"_

"_It's nothing."_

"_It doesn't look like it's nothing. You're so pale. Are you in pain?"_

"_No, it's okay. Just… play for me, please. Just never stop playing for me."_

The music died away and Haruka slammed the cover shut. She put her arms on top of the flat surface and hid her face in them. There was not a week in the past six years that Haruka has not played the piano, keeping the promise she gave Karin the day before she collapsed. Every time it made her remember the girl she loved so much and ripped her heart apart. Over and over again. It did not help that she lost herself in those six years. Other than her career, she had nothing left.

**x x x**

The penthouse buzzed with people as another of Paradigm's parties was in full swing. Alan made his way through, ignoring his fans and other people he did not care to know. He grabbed a bottle of whiskey from the bar and retrieved a clean glass. After filling it with ice, he topped it with the liquor. Savoring the warm sensation in his throat, he slowly let the party around him come through the wall of sorrow he surrounded himself with. He could see Rob with a bunch of girls, but Max and Mark were nowhere to be seen. For a second Alan contemplated finding Max and getting the truth about Michiru's claims out of her, but he dismissed the idea. Max had a successful career outside of the band and he was not sure that she would not just turn around and walk out on them if he confronted her like that. As the leader of Paradigm, he could not afford it. He did, however, need someone to make him feel better. Alan steered through the crowd in search of Mark.

Though Rob was the ladies man, it was Mark who generally locked himself in the bedroom with a girl or girls he just met. For years he ignored Alan's concern about the situation and just laughed it off. Knowing his friend well, Alan checked the bedrooms. He found him in second to last. The room was dark, lights were off and curtains drawn. A thin line of light shined from underneath the bathroom door. Alan flipped on the bedside lamp and set his drink on the table. A young woman slept in the bed wrapped in tangled sheets. Alan shook his head and walked to the bathroom. A sound closely resembling a body hitting the tiled floor resonated through Alan's ears as his hand touched the doorknob. Panicking, Alan pulled the door open and was blinded by the light. Mark was seizing on the floor. Alan jumped to his side and held him steady. He frantically looked around and spotted an unfinished line on the vanity counter.

"Oh fuck, what did you do, brother?" Still holding on to the shaking man, Alan pulled his phone and dialed 911.

**x x x**

Michiru woke up the next day not wanting to get out of bed. It has happened in the past, after she sent Alan the divorce papers, but she got over it. Today, she felt like she was back to where she started from. A soft knock on the door made her finally get up at quarter past nine. She put on a robe and walked to the door. Anne stood on the other side. Michiru unlocked the door and greeted her agent.

"Hi Anne."

"Hi honey, I'm so sorry for leaving you alone for so long."

Michiru smiled. "Even workaholics like you need vacations. A week without you is not that bad to bear."

"Now you make me feel like I'm obsolete."

Michiru smiled. "You know that will never be the case."

Anne's smile was gone as she concluded her greeting. "You haven't heard yet, have you?"

"What?"

Anne walked to the plasma TV and flipped it on. Michiru watched a re-run of entertainment news from earlier, not understanding what she was supposed to know.

"_In breaking news, Mark Hoffman of Paradigm was rushed to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center last night for an alleged cocaine overdose. He has not been released as of yet and we will keep you updated as soon as we get more on that story."_

Anne watched as the door to the bathroom closed behind Michiru before the story even ended.

**x x x**

Michiru was making her way down the hall full of familiar Paradigm bodyguards. She headed straight for the room where Mark was, but was stopped by Max's hard grip.

"Don't."

Michiru looked up to see Max, who obviously has not slept since at least the day before.

"How is he?"

"He'll live." Max let go of her arm and gestured for Michiru to follow. "He overdosed on coke, Alan happened to walk in as Mark was seizing, so he kept him in check until the ambulance got there. It was in the middle of one of the parties, so we couldn't contain the media spill. They want to keep him for observation, but primarily it's us - we want to keep him here while he detoxes. Alan is with him now, which is why I don't want you to go in there."

Michiru looked out of the window they were standing by. "I had no idea. How long has he been using?" A memory from the past flashed in her mind and Michiru hoped she was wrong. The unnatural shine of Mark's eyes all these years ago… he could not have been doing it then.

Max watched her closely. "He started when we did our first nationwide tour. He broke under pressure."

Michiru whipped her head. "You knew?"

"We all knew, and we all tried to stop him. It was recreational, occasional, and he never overindulged. That's how he deals with stress. Alan convinced him to go into rehab twice in the past three years, but both times he'd come out clean and then ease back into it."

"How could I not know this?" Michiru stared at her friend.

"You were busy with your career, Mark only does this on tours." Max rubbed her eyes. "This is the first time he overdosed, though, and it's just a sign of things to come. I don't know what else to do, Mich. He'll clean up now, he'll go in rehab, this time probably forced to do so by Simon, but he'll get right back to it."

"Maybe you're wrong. Maybe he'll realize what he's doing to himself after coming this close."

Max chuckled sourly. "I wish you were right, but it is Mark we're talking about."

"I'm so sorry." Michiru shook her head. "I'm sorry I didn't know."

Max brought her into an embrace. "I'm glad you do now. Now I can vent with you."

"You could've done that before. Of all the things you've told me."

"I've never told you other people's secrets. Oh shit."

"What?" Michiru separated from Max and followed her line of vision. Amanda stood by the elevator. Michiru grabbed Max's hand in an instinctive defensive gesture. "What are you doing here?" She asked the blonde as the latter approached.

"You're very good at asking that question all the time. He used to be my friend too, Mich."

"Past tense." Max observed.

"I think he needs all the help he can get, are you going to stand in my way?" Amanda cocked an eyebrow.

"What kind of help can come from you? You're going to relieve his stress by non-opioid means? Using some of those skills you've learned in your career?"

Michiru jerked as an open palm landed on Max's cheek. She felt Max's hand squeeze hers even tighter. They both watched as Amanda walked to Mark's room with her head up high.

**x x x**

"Outcasts."

Max looked to her left at Michiru as they rode the elevator down to the hospital lobby. "Do you really want to be in the room with both of our exes?"

Michiru shrugged. "I'm just saying that we've been ousted. Me - rightfully so, you - by your own cheating ex."

"Are you trying to make me feel as bad as you're feeling?"

Michiru watched the numbers above the door decrease in silence. It was not her intent to make Max feel bad, she just happened to exude negativity. "I'm sorry." They stepped out as the doors opened. "Will you let me know how he is?"

"Absolutely."

Michiru hugged her friend and watched her catch another elevator back upstairs. Michiru sighed and exited the lobby. She rushed to the hospital intending to stay here for a while, but now she had no idea what to do with the rest of her day. It started bad, then it got worse. She stood outside the hospital wondering if she should take a taxi back or go for a walk first. Michiru was still trying to make up her mind when she felt another presence.

"I'm really sorry, Mich, I didn't know."

Michiru eyed Amanda skeptically. "About?"

"You and Alan."

"I left him, what are you sorry about? That you weren't there to tell me 'I told you so'?"

Amanda turned to fully face Michiru. "You know, you did turn into a bitch. I genuinely care, Michiru. You were my only friend, no matter what you think of me, I just didn't deal well with the whole situation. I said I was sorry because I know how hard it must have been for you because I know you. You probably still blame yourself for it and for marrying him in the first place. All I was going to offer it to listen if you want to talk, but apparently that's too much to ask." She pulled a card out of her purse and wrote an address on the back. "This is my address. If you decide at some point that you can leave the past behind, stop by." Amanda handed Michiru the card and jumped in a taxi that just became available.

Michiru watched the cab drive away, absentmindedly holding the card in her hand.

**x x x**

The ocean waves crushed into her legs, her feet disappearing in the wet sand as the waves retreated back into the large body of water. Michiru watched seagulls circle in a distance and listened to the sound of the waves and the wind. It was soothing. She closed her eyes and let the rest of the world around her disappear, taking Alan, Mark, Amanda, and Haruka off of her mind. Her peace lasted for a whole of a couple of minutes, until a large rubber ball hit her straight in the back. She turned around to see a toddler wobble towards her, followed by an obviously embarrassed and apologetic mother. Michiru smiled at the two as the woman tried to balance both the large ball and the child in her hands. Having lost her tranquility, Michiru walked along the shore.

Her phone vibrated in the pocket of her rolled up jeans and Michiru pulled it out. "Hello?"

"_Michiru, hi, this is Haruka."_

Michiru suddenly lost interest in the interplay of the water and the sand under her feet. "Hi Haruka."

"_Listen, I wanted to apologize about last night… I… I'm just not used to talking about my sister. I'm sorry if I got weird."_

"Don't worry about it. We all have our demons."

"_Heh. I haven't seen you have any."_

"I hide them well."

"_Are you at the beach?"_

"Yes."

"_Which beach?"_

"Venice."

"_Meet me at the Santa Monica Pier in… let's say twenty minutes?"_

Michiru cocked an eyebrow, which, of course, Haruka could not see. "Sure." She looked at the pier she just walked away from and then at her watch. "I'll see you then."

**x x x**

Haruka hang up her phone and grabbed her sunglasses. She almost ran into Amanda in the hallway. "Hey."

"Hi." Amanda eyed the racer suspiciously. "Why are you so cheerful?"

"No reason." Haruka put her glasses on.

"I may not know you as well as Joe does, but you're a really bad liar."

Haruka laughed wholeheartedly. "You would be surprised."

Amanda watched Haruka walk away, suspecting that she knew who Haruka was going to see. It bothered her in the past week that Michiru spent time with Haruka because the latter had a certain reputation. Granted that Amanda personally did not trust rumors because she knew how false they were when it came to her, she still thought of Haruka as a player. Michiru, on the other hand, was not only not an easy woman, she was married. It was not until this morning that Amanda learned of the separation. She bit on her lower lip and went to find her boyfriend.

**x x x**

They sat at an open air café on the beach. Michiru sipped on a smoothie and Haruka indulged herself in an ice cream. She eyed the violinist from underneath her eyelashes.

"What's on your mind?"

Michiru let go of the straw she just realized she was biting on and looked at her companion. "I was just thinking about Mark."

"Mark?" Haruka was not sure if she was supposed to know who this Mark person was.

"From Paradigm."

"Oh. What about him?"

"Haven't you seen the news?"

Haruka shrugged. "I don't watch news."

"Why?"

"Same reason I don't read newspapers and magazines, I guess. Can't stand the biases and untruths that are fed by the press."

"Well, there is yellow press and then there are serious news sources."

"Yes, but even so there are biases. You hear one side of the story and not the other. Depending on where in the world you are, the same issue may be represented very differently based on the agenda of the reporter and it is done in such a believable manner that people just eat it up, without questioning the validity of the reasoning."

"I think you're oversimplifying it. People can make their own judgments, everyone is entitled to their own opinion."

"You're right, which is why I said that I don't watch the news or read the periodicals. I didn't say others should do the same. I don't have time or patience for that stuff, that's all."

"So how do you know what's going on around the world?"

"Hearsay." Haruka smiled at Michiru's suspicious expression. "Internet."

"Because internet is a trustworthy source?"

"No, because internet provides a wider range of issues and opinions. You're given more facts, you choose what you want to know about and so on." Haruka belatedly remembered of her melting ice cream. "So what was it that I missed on the news?"

Michiru sighed. "Mark overdosed last night, he's in a hospital."

"The vices of music industry." Haruka commented indifferently as she put a spoonful of ice cream in her mouth.

Michiru was not sure if she wanted to hit the blonde for the lack of sensitivity or if she wanted to laugh at the overgrown child sitting in front of her. "I just can't believe that I didn't know." It was meant to be said in a regretful tone, but instead traces of laughter could be detected.

Haruka raised a brow. "You don't sound upset about it."

"Oh, I'm upset about it." Michiru replied, now barely containing her laughter. Haruka stared at her pointedly. Michiru let the mirth succumb her as she extended her hand to wipe the ice cream that bothered her so much off of the big child's mouth. The tips of her fingers reached Haruka's mouth, but instead of retreating, they lingered there as a cold tongue licked what belonged to its owner. Then, both of Michiru's fingers disappeared in Haruka's mouth. She just held her hand, frozen in the air, shocked by the sensation that was sent through her whole body by blonde's ministrations. Michiru felt heat rising to her core and then realized that they were still in public. She removed her hand as a different kind of heat warmed up her cheeks.

Haruka cleared her throat, shaking off a similar sensation that her own actions caused. She stared back at her half-full bowl, but the only thoughts that came to mind were of that ice cream all over Michiru's body. Haruka imagined the sweet torture of licking the substance from the silky-smooth texture of Michiru's skin. Feeling like slapping herself out of the uncalled for erotic daydream, she set the bowl aside and looked up at Michiru, who was unwilling to meet her eyes.

"Wanna go for a walk?"

"Yeah." Michiru almost jumped off her chair and the two of them walked back down to the beach in silence. Michiru kicked off her sandals and rolled her jeans back up. They walked back towards the pier where they met an hour earlier, noting how the low clouds that gathered during that time scared most of the visitors to the beach away. A gust of wind picked up a beach umbrella in front of them and a thunder broke out in the distance. More people gathered their belongings and headed towards the city.

"My car is just past the pier." Haruka assured the violinist, but neither picked up the pace. As another thunder broke out closer, Michiru unintentionally took a step closer to Haruka. The latter wondered how much she would regret her decision later, but she wrapped a hand around Michiru's waist and brought her closer nevertheless.

Michiru did not see a reason to resist the gesture. She was in a limbo like never before because she felt like she was attracted to the racer, but knew that their strange relationship had an expiration date of another two weeks. That, in addition to all the other issues that plagued both her heart and her brain. Yet, putting her head against the shoulder to her right felt soothing. Almost as soothing as when she stood in the water, listening to the wind and the waves. Michiru closed her eyes and then laughed as a large drop of water fell on her forehead. She looked up at the almost black cloud above them and then at the pier no more than a hundred feet away.

"Race me to it." She whirled out of the embrace and dashed for the cover.

Haruka just shook her head, believing that it was not even a challenge. To her surprise, the violinist was rather fast. It took Haruka some effort to catch up to her and they ran the last forty feet in tune. They did not make it by mere seconds. Their hair and shoulders drenched, they both laughed, trying to catch their breath at the same time. Michiru dropped her shoes in the dry sand underneath the Pier and put her purse on top, sticking her cell inside. She walked back to where the water reached the sand and looked into raging waves. Next moment, she was jumping over them into the water.

"What are you doing?" Haruka asked, finally sobered up. "Michiru, those are dangerous, you get caught in them and they will smash you into one of the columns."

Michiru turned around and pouted. "Why can't I be a kid? You can smear ice cream all over your mouth, I want to jump over the wa-"

One of the larger waves crushed into the middle of her back, forcing Michiru to fall on all fours. As the wave retreated as fast as it came, Haruka doubled up with laughter. "Happy now?" She watched as Michiru, now fully drenched in water, unsteadily rose to her feet.

"That's not funny." Michiru took a piece of seaweed out of her hair, which made Haruka only laugh harder.

"Oh yeah, this is the most fun I've had in a very long time."

Michiru narrowed her eyes and threw the seaweed at the racer, missing her by a good foot. Haruka ducked to the side and then walked up to the wet sea creature, extending her a helping hand. Michiru accepted and Haruka pulled her as another wave followed Michiru at her heels. Haruka held on to a nearby column for balance as their legs were submerged under water up to their knees. "Now we have to dry you up before I let you in the car."

Michiru cocked her head to the side. "What will you do if we're both wet?"

"Huh?" Haruka did not get a chance to ask what Michiru meant as the latter brought her body flush with Haruka and wrapped her hands around the racer's neck. Not letting herself another moment to think, Michiru kissed the blonde.

Before it was too late for more reasons than one, Haruka switched places with Michiru, placing the smaller woman with her back against the column and took half a step back, putting some space between them. Her mouth, on the other hand, could not be any closer. Haruka traced the outline of Michiru's lips and slipped her tongue between two rows of perfectly even teeth. Familiarizing herself with the violinist's mouth elicited Haruka a moan in response. All the images from earlier coming back to Haruka's mind, she herself was no longer willing to stop. Her hands settled on Michiru's waist, slowly traveling up together with the t-shirt. Her thumbs slipped under the wet material and then pushed up the bra Michiru was wearing, sliding over the erect nipples. Michiru arched her back as another, more sensual, moan escaped her. Haruka bit on Michiru's lower lip and then kissed her neck, down to the collarbone. Having freed the full breasts from their captivity inside the bra and underneath the t-shirt, Haruka cupped one and suckled on the pink center. Michiru's hands dug into the blonde hair, squeezing water out of them.

The texture of the skin under her mouth was a smooth as Haruka has imagined. It tasted of the ocean Michiru just so carelessly submerged herself in, but, somehow, that was only fitting. As the nipple reached its hardest state, Haruka gave it a last tug and switched to the left breast.

Michiru felt like she was about to completely lose it. It was quite obvious to her that she was on the verge of having sex in a public place, which she has never done before, but what shook her entire system was not that possibility, it was the fact that she has never felt this immense amount of desire before. It was as though she has been bottling it up for years and it was finally about to be released. As the last coherent thought slipped through her mind, she realized that that probably was not too far from the truth. She let go of the blonde hair and her hands traveled to Haruka's shoulders, caressing them through the damp shirt.

Haruka straightened up and captured Michiru's mouth once more. Her hands roamed the toned sides of the smaller body, tracing its outlines. Michiru's hands were on their way to do the same. Haruka caught both of Michiru's hands and brought them above the aqua head, placing them against the wood Michiru was leaning against. Michiru tried to lower them back, but a strong hold indicated that it would not happen. Her objection was forgotten as Haruka deepened the kiss. Her only free hand slid from Michiru's side down to her stomach. Without breaking the kiss or letting Michiru indicate any other objections, Haruka unbuttoned the jeans and slid her hand between the hard denim and the soft silk of Michiru's underwear. Haruka moved it to the side with her middle finger and let her fingers slip between the hot folds. Michiru balked and moaned at the same time.

Passion overtook Michiru's entire being. She could have been surrounded by people and she would not have cared, unlike mere minutes ago. Event the sound of the thunder seemed distant as the pounding of her heart replaced the menacing weather. She felt two fingers enter her as another lingered above her bud and Michiru heard a moan like she's never heard before. Deep, sensual, full of every ounce of want a body was capable of possessing. She realized it was her own. Michiru felt the hand that held her wrists waver in response, but she was too far gone to fight for dominance. She let the racer dominate her mouth, she let the racer dominate her body, and at that moment, she let the racer dominate her soul.

Haruka knew how close the smaller woman was, she knew how badly she wanted her. All it did was drive Haruka crazier, almost to the point of losing control. Almost. She let her fingers pick up the pace, simultaneously putting her thumb in a circular motion. Having long fingers was good for more than playing piano. She felt Michiru tense and then the muscles around Haruka's fingers contracted simultaneously with a moan that competed with the thunder in Haruka's ears. She let go of Michiru's mouth and nibbled on her neck, giving violinist time to come back to her senses before withdrawing. She put her forehead on Michiru's shoulder and put the underwear back in its place, followed by zipping up the jeans. Haruka simultaneously let go of Michiru's wrists and put a finger behind the waistband of her jeans, bringing the aquanette into another kiss. As a wave washed over her thighs, Haruka took a step back.

"I'd say you achieved the purpose of making us both wet."

Michiru just smiled shyly. Now that the heat of passion has subsided, she felt almost embarrassed. She wondered why the racer let her go all the way on her own, instead of taking her right then and there, but that was not something she could ask.

Haruka looked at the heavy sky that did not seem to have any lighter areas and sighed audibly. "I guess our only option is to get in the car wet, we'll get drenched by the time we get there anyway." She turned to Michiru. "How about another run?"

Michiru picked up her belongings. "What will I get if I win?"

"A ride to your hotel?"

"And if I lose?"

"You'll have to have dinner with me tomorrow."

"Doesn't seem like much of an incentive." She smiled at the blonde and took off running.

"You don't even know where you're going." Haruka muttered and put herself in motion as well.

**x x x**

Paradigm's West Coast tour was cancelled as a result of both Mark's physical state and the controversy that surrounded the band. They went back to New York, where Alan convinced Mark to enter rehab, Rob took some time off, and Max used the opportunity to follow up on a few deejaying invitations in Europe.

Michiru and Haruka saw each other virtually every day for the next week and a half and Michiru soon found that she cared less about Alan's feelings and more about her own feelings towards the blonde. She desperately wished she could talk to someone, but the conversations with Max were only general, since Michiru did not want to disclose Haruka's identity and Max was in another part of the world. With mere four days left in California before she too was scheduled to depart for Europe, Michiru was at her wits' end. Deep inside she knew she fell head over heels for a person she did not really know, but that seemed to be the story of her life. Amanda, though, was strangely connected to the blonde, so Michiru kept eying the card that lay on her nightstand for days, contemplating reacquainting herself with her ex-friend. Not knowing how to ease the pain of the end of the short relationship which was about to expire, Michiru finally made up her mind.

**x x x**

Haruka picked up her tennis racket and walked to the court that was located next to the pool in Joe's vast backyard. Her agent was already out, practicing his technique with the wall.

"A shot worth millions." He commented as she walked in.

Haruka shrugged one shoulder and picked up a ball. "Let me know when you want to make easy money, you'll be set for the rest of your life."

He watched her come to the center of the court. She was wearing a white tight sports top and the standard white tennis skirt. Both accentuated her perfect body that very few people got to see. Not only was it obvious that she was in a top physical shape, but also that she was a woman with very feminine characteristics. Ones Joe was currently admiring.

"What are you going to say to your girlfriend if she catches you staring?"

"She won't even bother with that, she'd be too preoccupied with your gender."

"True." Haruka threw the ball in the air and sent it across the net.

"Speaking of, are you sure she's gone? You're risking quite a bit." Joe effortlessly sent the ball back in her court.

"Amanda left twenty minutes ago, if she forgot something, she would've already come back. I'll be damned if I can't be who I am in my own backyard." Haruka hit the ball a bit harder than necessary.

"Technically, you're in my backyard."

"Potato - potato."

"I'm going to propose to her."

Haruka looked up at her agent and remembered about the ball a second too late. "That's a cheap way to score." She took another ball out of her pocket and sent it his way. "Are you sure she's the one?"

"Positive." He eyed her wearily. "Why do you ask?"

"How well do you know her?"

"I've known her for a couple of years, we've been living together for eight months."

"Yeah, but how well do you know her?"

Joe looked at her suspiciously, also missing the ball. "What should I know about her?"

"Not my place to tell you."

"Hell yes it is. I'd tell you things about your girlfriends."

"I don't have girlfriends."

"That's true. But I would if you did and it was in your best interests."

Haruka chuckled. "I'm not sure this is in your best interests."

"Are you talking about her exploration stage in college?"

"Her what?"

Joe caught the ball with his hand. "I know she slept with a chick back in college. That's just a natural learning curve."

"She didn't sleep with a chick in college, Joe, they dated for almost three years."

Joe bounced the ball against the ground and then sent it flying across the net. "Potato - potato."

"Suit yourself." Haruka passed the ball back. "On other matters, is everything set for the trip?"

"Yes, you'll be home in three days without any glitches."

"You know where my home is -"

"Excuse me, I'm sorry, your door was open, I'm looking for Amanda?"

They both turned to face a vision in a light summer dress that stood at the entrance to the court, just outside the patio. Haruka's smile fell off as she belatedly remembered that she stood in front of Michiru in all her feminine glory.

Michiru's eyes, first not registering any recognition, darted between the two players, until they settled permanently on Haruka and bulged out considerably. Haruka's mouth completely dried up, incapacitating her speaking ability.

"Oh my god!" Michiru, whose brain finally believed her eyes, turned around and quickly found the way out.

Her departure took Haruka out of trance. "Fuck!" She threw the racket with all her rage and it bounced through the court, making Joe duck as it ricochetted near his body and finally lay still. She turned to him. "Do something!"

"What do you want me to do?" He yelled back. "You're the one going on dates with her."

"As a fucking man! She had no idea I'm a woman, which can be a public knowledge within the next five minutes. Do damage control, Joe!"

"What the fuck am I supposed to do? I told you not to parade around in a skirt!"

"Your girlfriend didn't lock the front door!"

"She's not the one half-naked here!"

"You're my manager! Do your job!"

**x x x**

_I think of people who knew Haruka was a woman at the time, I was the only one who found out by accident. She told so herself to the rest. I don't even know how to begin to describe what I felt as I ran away from the scene. If I were to pick one emotion, it was probably horror. I mean, I understand how she got the rest of the world confused, but how I could have known her for as long as I have at that point and as close as I have at that point, and not realized she was female… I was horrified. _

_Then, of course, there was acceptance of the fact that she was a woman, which led me to being in an interesting position. I have never dated a woman before, I was married to a man. The turmoil that the knowledge brought to my whole system was indescribable._

**x x x**

**Horror. That's what I felt like when Michiru walked in on me playing tennis in a skirt. After the original deception was put in place, I always prepared people before I shocked them with the truth. Moreover, I only told them if I trusted them. In six years, that would be three people: my manager, my stylist, and my mechanic. I've known each of them for better half of a year before they learned the truth. **

**There was more to it than acceptance of the fact. I was not just horrified because I cared for Michiru and thought that I lost her in a matter of seconds, my whole career was on the line. I mean, here was a woman who I've known for a month, who knew what my gender was. I didn't know her nearly well enough at the time to know that she would never share someone else's secret. **

… **it's ironic to look back now and know that if I just let it go then, didn't move a finger, no one would have known. If we both just let go of each other then, while we were both confused, we would not have been here today. Our lives still would have been as they were then. With some semblance of normalcy. **


	14. CH 13

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Haruka and Michiru's characters, they belong to Naoko Takeuchi. All other characters and this story belong to me. This story is fictional. Any references to real life companies, places and events are weaved into a web of fiction and do not have any connection with reality.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**AN:** Okay, so remember a month and a half ago or so when I started this fic I conducted a poll and asked you guys questions and all that other stuff? Well, the time has come. I'm officially going on hiatus, which means if I disappear for a year… kidding. I'm not that bad. I prepared in advance and I will keep posting updates once a week, but no more than that. So please don't be upset by my not doing mid-week updates, having to wait for a week and so on. Most of you are writers yourself, so don't complain. You know how this goes. So let's just agree that it will be once a week 'till mid-August, then I'll revert back to my normal writing chapter after chapter through the night and posting the next day self.

As always, thanks so much for all of your reviews.

_**petiyaka:**_ right on with both of Michiru's reactions, I mean, wouldn't you feel that way? (I know you personally would never be in this situation, but… wouldn't you?) Oh this reminds me there was a show and I think it may have even been in France where people men were competing to fight this 'bachelorette,' who in the end appeared to me a transgender person. So far as I remember from Soup (those of you in the states will know what I'm talking about) the reaction was quite funny. Anyhow, back to my story… the wait is over. They shall meet again.

_**Newt Salamander:**_ thanks (takes cookies, falls back into her chair and stuffs herself with them. Well, now I have to go work this off. Great. Thank god it's all in my imagination :) ) No hints. Their statements are the hints, I don't have any hints because that would mean that I have to know where this is going. And I don't :) wa ha ha ha ha (I mean I generally know). If you liked last chapter, you'll like next one too :)

_**SeraEris:**_ Thanks! And you're pretty darn close to my intent! Cuddos.

_**Jay: **_Sorry, more cliffhangers to follow. I just can't live without them :)

_**Mantaray: **_Your wish is my command. (take your mind out of the gutter, not in that way). Let's just say that Feisu was in a naughty predisposition when she wrote last chapter and the next few. Compensating for the absence of action up to now :P

_**Tenoh and Kaioh:**_ Can you even imagine them not being together? I mean I can totally write it in, but that's not what most of you want, is it?

_**lostinhersong: **_Not too much drama. I'm kind of tired of making this whole gender issue into too much drama. I'll put other kinds of drama in here, I promise.

_**KaE:**_ Michiru took too much upon herself to decide and she paid for it emotionally, that's all. It's always easier to walk away and not deal with something that isn't working out, but it takes two to even get to that point. So she's not the only one to blame.

_**Fusionmix**_: Here's my take on it: when you're not looking for something, like trying to figure out if you're kissing a boy or a girl, you might miss obvious things. Then, it all depends on the experience, i.e. How many people you've actually "groped." There will be more description of Haruka in the next Chapter, but she is pretty ripped. No pumping iron though. I have a number of rock climbing friends who never go to the gym (other than the rock climbing one) and trust me, their shoulders, backs, upper arms and abs are in an amazing condition. You can't really tell the difference between male and female shoulders if the two people are of the same size either. Seen it. But then again, even if this wasn't the case, it's fiction… so just believe me :)

As far as abs go, well it depends on how you gain muscle. Some women get feminine waists that are slimmer, shapier and so on. Others get a bit chubby or bulky when they get muscle (look at Pink's abs. She's constantly characterized as having 'man abs' and she's a gymnast).

What I meant by "very feminine" was having breasts, ass, hips, and a waist. All of which are possible to be concealed. There's no magic there. I like realism in my stories and you'll see that she didn't just snap her fingers and became a man later on. Wow, that was me rambling :P

_**qwerty: **_Thanks! I needed that boost to my confidence when I was in the middle of a very boring lecture!

_**Arufa: **_ I'm going to give Michiru what she seems to lack a lot, in my own fics included - the determination to do what she feels is right just like Haruka would. Because that's something they share. I feel.

_**imjce: **_I know it will take you a while to get to this note, but I love your reviews as you go! Thanks!

_**CoOkiE86: **_That's just unorthodox… kidding. I know how you feel. I have 0 spare time and it SUCKS! Funny how we're all different, I mean in respect to what we feel about the characters. Thanks for sharing!

_**Rumiteka: **_You got it.

_Wow… I have never left an AN this long… sorry. I think it's my overall insanity kicking in. Here, please, don't listen to me anymore… _

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**Chapter 13**

"_A Band on Hiatus"_

"_The Fallen"_

"_A Pattern as Typical as Paradigm Itself"_

It has been two and a half weeks since Mark Hoffman's hospitalization, yet the controversy seemed to increase as opposed to dying down. Even at the small newspaper stand inside a terminal at JFK Michiru counted three first-page stories featuring Paradigm. The titles were supplemented by the pictures of Paradigm members wearing leather or ripped clothes. Those were promotional photos for one of the videos and it irked Michiru how they were used to spin a whole new image of the band. Her eyes fell on another cover, this time of a sports magazine, from which a certain racer smiled at Michiru. She shook her head and walked back to the gate.

What Michiru hated the most about traveling was having layovers. They were an unnecessary waste of time during which she could not occupy herself in any way. They were just long enough to get bored, but short enough to do something productive. She pulled out her phone and looked at the schedule carefully prepared by Anne. Michiru's month in California was a little break from her packed schedule and now she was going to pay for the indulgence. Her personal e-mail was as empty as always, and Michiru tapped the glass wondering what else she could occupy herself with for another forty-five minutes before takeoff.

Someone took a seat next to her, only black slacks and a large styrofoam cup of coffee was in Michiru's view. From the corner of her eye she noticed the hand holding the cup and her eyes lingered on the wedding band that sat snuggly on the right hand. She slipped the phone back in her bag and straightened her back, leaning into the chair.

"How is Mark?"

"He's in rehab."

"How are you?"

"I'm going into rehab."

Michiru finally turned her head to Alan. "What do you mean?"

"Going to visit the parents for a couple of weeks." He sipped on his coffee. "Are you okay? You look… tired."

Michiru smiled wistfully; only someone who knew her so well could tell that something was wrong. Otherwise she looked like she always did: impeccably dressed, with her hair styled and her makeup done. "I've had a few daunting days."

"Work?"

"If you can believe it, not."

Alan took off the sunglasses he wore underneath his black ball cap and looked closely at her. "No, I don't. Unless what you said earlier about seeing someone is true." Michiru looked away and Alan nodded slowly. "I'm sorry. Although, I feel like it should make me feel better."

"Does it?"

"No." He extended her the cup of coffee and Michiru took a sip. "I'm considering getting another vocalist."

"What about Mark?"

Alan sighed. "He's been in and out of this shitty state for years, but I've never seen him this bad. On a personal level, I hope that this was the last straw and he gets his act together, on a professional level, he's stalling the whole band."

"He should've done opera, he has such a great voice."

"Maybe it's not too late."

Michiru shook her head sadly. "With his reputation, with his background, you think anyone would take him seriously?"

"You'd be surprised what you can do if you have the right connections. Amanda actually offered to help with that. She said that if he ever decides to change the venue, he should give her a call."

Michiru chuckled. "Funny how paths cross. I think she's dating a celebrity agent or manager of sorts."

"How do you know that?"

"I ran into her in LA."

"She didn't mention that."

Michiru shrugged. "She was probably too pissed that I stuck by Max." She knew that Alan did not know what she was talking about, and so she just shook her head, dismissing her own statement.

Alan took the cup back from her, noting how bare her right hand that rested in her lap was. Ever since they got married they wore their rings on right hands, to make sure that people did not ask unwanted questions. "When did you take off your rings?"

Michiru too looked at her hand, spreading her fingers. "The day I sent you the divorce papers, which, by the way, I am yet to get back."

"I'll send them when I know there's no chance at all."

"Alan, I -"

"Can we not talk about this now? At least because we're in public."

Michiru closed her mouth for a while, until she was able to freely talk on another subject. "Do you have anyone in mind for the vocals?"

"No, but I'm thinking a girl. I want to change it up a bit, introduce her gradually. Maybe have Mark and her sing together for a while, then have her take over and him do the bass, until he phases out. If he chooses to."

"Simon won't let you do that."

Alan shrugged. "I think I'm in the position to just say 'screw you' to Simon and go to another label if he doesn't agree with my decisions."

"You should get your own agent."

"I've been thinking about that too. Anyone you'd recommend?"

"I'll ask Anne."

"How is she doing?"

"Just as always, you know Anne. Perfectly organized, unfazed by anything and on top of everything."

"So where are you heading?"

"Here and there in Europe, then Japan for a couple of months."

"Are you going to visit your family?"

"Of course."

"Do they know?"

"No."

Alan cocked an eyebrow. "Why not?"

"I wanted to tell them to their faces."

"Is it that or is it because you're not sure -"

"Now you're starting it."

"I'm sorry."

"Are you flying through Heathrow?" Alan nodded, finishing his coffee. "I'll sit with you if you promise not to bring us up."

He looked at her in surprise. "I didn't realize we were on the same flight."

"Did you think I was just hanging out by your gate waiting for you to come over and chat?"

"Aye, something like that." He smiled genuinely at her, finally getting some part of the woman he knew and loved out. "You've got yourself a deal."

**x x x**

Anne Dunn stayed behind in California to finish some business. She was having an early lunch at an almost empty restaurant when a blonde man dressed in a suit that seemed at odds with his surfer look approached her. "Anne."

"Joel."

He took a seat, ignoring her pointed look at his absent request for permission. "How have you been?"

"Grand and yourself?"

"You know, new day, same shit." He gestured to the waiter. "Can I get a whiskey on the rocks?"

"What's up?" The absentminded behavior of her fellow agent and his choice of 'lunch' drink made her get to the point.

"How well do you know your client?"

"Michiru?"

"Do you have any others right now?"

Anne set her fork down. "I know her quite well, why do you ask?"

"I need to know if she's the kind of person that can keep something to herself."

"Has she learned something she's not supposed to know?" Joe nodded and Anne continued. "When?"

"Three days ago."

"Is it in the tabloids?"

"No."

"Then there you have it."

"How do I know she's not fishing for the highest bid?"

Anne wiped her mouth with the napkin, completely losing the interest in her lunch. She waited for the waiter to walk away before she continued. "How much is the intel worth?"

"Millions." He eyed her wearily. "Why are you smiling?"

"Judging by the fact that you waited this long, it's something very touchy. Judging by the fact that you came to me, an extra careful step, it's about someone you value greatly. Perhaps more than on a professional level? A friend?" She leaned closer and lowered her voice. "Did Michiru figure out that your racer is a woman?"

Joe spit out the whiskey he was drinking.

"I'll take that as a yes."

"How the fuck do you know?" He whispered.

"Please, I do due diligence. I know who my clients are, who they meet, who they befriend and who they sleep with. Obviously that last one didn't happen between those two, or we wouldn't be having this conversation."

"Yes, but -"

"Public records, Joel. It's one thing to create a story or an image for someone, it's another to go as far as forging documents. The Tenohs had two daughters. One deceased, one alive. They have never had a son, as simple as that. I'm surprised others haven't found out, but I guess that's because they didn't have a reason to look."

"You are a scary woman."

Anne chuckled. "I'll take that as a complement. Don't worry, Michiru can keep secrets very well… and please don't leave here searching for her background information, I'll give it to you freely on the same assumption that you will not divulge it to anyone, including your client, just like I haven't told mine something I knew a week before she did."

"What's her skeleton?"

"She's been married to Alan Carey for five years."

Joe almost choked again. "How come the media knows none of it?"

"They never disclosed it. She wanted to be seen separate from the band, they got married before Paradigm hit their fame, no one ever questioned their relationship other as a professional one."

"I cannot believe this." What he really could not believe was that Amanda did not tell him about it. The thought brought back Haruka's question of how well he knew the woman he wanted to marry. "I think I'm going to settle in."

Anne cocked an eyebrow. "Smooth transition. Who's the girl?"

"Amanda Johnson."

"The actress?" Anne watched Joe nod. "She's a decade younger than you are. I know you can hardly tell just by looking at you, but… she is."

"Must you remind me of my age every time we meet?"

"If I don't, who will?" She pulled some bills out of her wallet and put them on the table. "My advice to you, keep your work separate from your home and it won't matter if she's ten years younger than you are."

"What if my work lives with me most of the time?"

"Get her a girlfriend."

**x x x**

Ever since she met Anne, there were no oversized obstacles in Michiru's way. If she wanted to play with orchestras, Anne arranged it, if she wanted to play solo, Anne set up a tour. Her career as a classical violinist was at its high. Michiru made herself a name that went hand in hand with very good reputation of hard work and natural skill. She craved challenges because then there was something to overcome. She agreed to the most difficult pieces, even if rehearsals took twenty-four hours of her day. She worked herself into oblivion, performed, and then crashed for a few days. After she had her rest, she generally entered another cycle.

As she made her way through Europe in the first weeks of February, Michiru was not inspired by her performances with the well-known orchestras. For the first time, she treated her music as a job, performed meticulously from its technical standpoint, but without soul. She decided to change things up. Michiru needed a new way of expression, something she could accomplish and put behind herself, along with all the feelings that plagued her being. Michiru was ready to do her second album. She had a large number of original compositions that she compiled over the years and they were all reflective of her state at the time. There was music from when she fell in love, when she was her happiest in her new marriage, when she felt that she was being left in the shadow and tried to break free, when she was depressed like never before because of the hard decisions she had to make, when her music became her only point of living, and then there was now. She needed to close the chapter on her years with Paradigm, she was no longer part of that family and it was time to let go.

Michiru contacted Anne and arranged for a studio for the remaining weeks before she was scheduled to perform in Japan. She had a few engagements in Rome, and so Anne booked her a hotel and a small studio in the city, where Michiru could do her work on the album and practice with the orchestra. It did not take long to record some of the old tracks, but the newest ones were very different. Michiru decided to finish the chapter with Alan the same way it began - with an electric violin. She composed a couple of songs, but getting them to sound the way she wanted to was a challenge. It was a combination of their novelty and the variations allowed for by the amplifier. Michiru spent a whole week practicing those two tracks, trying to get them were she wanted them to be, but it was fruitless.

She was sitting in a small piazza, having a late lunch when she realized what her problem was. She thought that her expression was that of pain of separation, of difficulty of moving on. That was not the problem. The problem was, she was all alone. Paradigm literally was her family. Her friends were associated with it, she lost both when she left Alan. Sure Max was still her friend, sure Amanda offered to try again, but their relationships were full of history with the band. She could not even tell Max about Haruka when she needed someone to talk to so desperately. As she sat at a small table of an oped air café in a crowded piazza, Michiru realized that she was the only one sitting alone. In the past it never bothered her because she had an anchor, she had somewhere to come back to, someone to come back to. This was no longer the case. This was it, her and her music. The notion chilled her.

Michiru picked up her phone and dialed a number in her favorites. "Can we talk?"

**x x x**

Though Haruka's home was in New York, the only house she herself owned was in Monza, Italy. Just like it was the case back home, the house sat in close proximity to the racing track, only here she could literally hear the cars go by from her backyard. It was a soothing sound. Her villa was quite modest by American standards, having only two floors and four bedrooms altogether, but Haruka never had more than four or five people visiting her. Joe stayed over often when she was in Italy on business, her parents came to visit occasionally, and once Amanda accompanied Joe.

Haruka looked across the living room she was sitting in and through the open french doors out to the patio. It has been almost a month since Michiru walked in on her playing tennis, and yet the front pages of magazines did not announce so to the world. Joe also assured Haruka that Michiru was not the kind to disclose such information and that he knew something about her she would not want to disclose either. Haruka was not a fan of blackmail, nor was she a fan of secrets, but this whole ruse has gone too far to be revealed now.

"You look like you could use some massage." A pair of soft hands landed themselves on Haruka's shoulders from behind the chair.

"Might as well use your skills while you're around, right?" Haruka got up and followed a brunette woman, whose dark chestnut hair fell just below her shoulder blades.

"That's what you always do, you use me." The woman replied in a naturally hoarse voice.

"Come on, Di, I gave you an opportunity to use me."

"No thanks." The woman pulled the door to one of the rooms on the first floor open and gestured for Haruka to hop on the massage table.

Haruka pulled off her t-shirt and lay on her stomach. She let out a satisfied sigh as knowing hands worked out the knots in her neck and back.

"Now tell me what's working these terrible things into your body."

"I may have exercised too much yesterday."

The woman snorted. "This is stress, Haruka, don't lie to your friend. What's up?"

"I met someone."

"Finally." The woman slapped Haruka on the back and the racer winced.

"It's not like that."

"It's never like that with you. Why don't you just tell her the truth and see where it goes?"

"That's the problem. She walked in on me playing tennis with Joe."

"Ouch."

Haruka moved her head deeper into the head rest. "Yeah."

"Have you tried talking to her?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I was too worried about the exposure. Now I feel like it's too late."

"Better late than never." The woman worked on a particularly tight knot at the top of Haruka's spine. "Do you want me to pick you some outfits to go see her?"

"Dido, I'm not completely useless, I can pick my own clothes."

"Will you be seeing her as you or as Haruka Tenoh, the racer?"

Haruka sighed. "Neither. I'm just going to drown in my own misery and concentrate on the upcoming race."

"No, because you drowning in your own misery leads to a lot of sad music and phone calls in the middle of the night to both Joe and I."

"I try and call you during the day."

"Your day and my day aren't always the same, dear. You tend to always forget that." Dido put Haruka's t-shirt on top of her back. "Go change, let's swim."

Haruka looked in dark hazel eyes of her friend. "Yes, water sounds good."

Haruka met Dido Nicolo shortly after she met Joe some six years ago. Dido was a stylist who also possessed other skills that came particularly helpful to Haruka over the years, like the massage. Dido used to date one of Haruka's fellow racers, so the two found themselves in the same circles a lot for a while, striking a friendship. As sad as it was, Haruka's only friends were those she met through work.

**x x x**

It was evening by the time Michiru met Max at the airport. Since the latter had only a carry on, they quickly made their way out of the airport and got in a cab.

"So what was so important that you couldn't discuss it over the phone and made me fly over?"

"Oh please, Paris is not this far from Rome, don't overexaggerate the effort."

Max turned to face her friend. "I'm starting to regret it though. What's up your ass?"

"Can you wait until we get to the hotel?"

"Sure." Max turned away and watched the passing scenery for the remainder of their trip. Once they made their way up to the room, she dropped her backpack and sat on an empty chair next to a fireplace. "I'm listening."

Michiru bit on her lip, then walked to a small bar and opened a bottle of wine. She poured two glasses and handed one to Max. Sitting in the chair across a small coffee table, Michiru picked up her feet and gulped the wine. "How did you know you were gay?"

Max lowered the glass back down. "Do you want me to start with when I started to hate men or after that?" She shook her head. "I don't know Mich, I just was never interested in boys, then the whole… I like women, I don't like men. The act irks me."

"But does it irk you naturally or because you were raped?" Michiru got a cold stare in return and took another sip. "I'm sorry."

"I don't know. It kind of all happened around the same time. I was still a kid, Mich, that's when you're supposed to find out what it's like, not be forced to learn."

"When did you have sex with a woman for the first time?"

"Why are we having this entirely uncomfortable interrogation?"

"I promise, there is a point to it."

"Michiru, people don't turn gay overnight if that's where you're going with it. It took me a couple of years to get over what happened, I had sex of my own volition when I was seventeen."

"Did it feel normal?"

"Define normal. Your normal and my normal will never be the same, we haven't been through the same experiences."

"But it didn't feel wrong."

"No, it didn't feel wrong. Now, where are you going with all of this? Because if you made me fly all the way out here because you're in another stage of your 'experimenting,' I swear, I will walk out of here and never answer your call again."

Michiru smiled nervously. "No, I didn't call you here to screw me. I -" She set the glass down. "I met someone a couple of months ago."

"Yes, the mystery man."

"Yeah… well, we've had some very good time together, I felt like I was finally falling out of my relationship with Alan and moving on to something else."

"And?"

"And it turns out that he was a she."

Max's eyes were virtually as big as Michiru's when she saw Haruka. "Did you find out when you were… you know?"

Michiru shook her head. "No, I saw her dressed in a skirt."

"Oh. Well, then at least nothing really happened." She watched Michiru closely. "How far did you go?"

Michiru hid her face in her hands, utterly embarrassed. "Aside from making out for three weeks? She kind of had me under a pier in a storm."

Max whistled. "Whoever she is, I wanna meet her." She saw Michiru's flaming face appear from behind her palms. "I'm sorry, I mean, what a deviant!"

"What the hell do I do, Max?"

"Well, did it feel wrong?"

"Which part? Me thinking that I was making out with a guy when in reality she is a girl? Yes, that felt wrong!"

"No, I mean what you felt when you were doing it. Did you think of the person's gender when you did it or were you just following your instinct?"

"Yes, but there was no question of gender in the equation! I thought I was being kissed by a guy, why would I doubt my reaction?"

"You weren't too fazed when you kissed me."

"I did that consciously."

"Okay, so knowing that she is a woman, would you do it again?"

"I don't know." Michiru picked up the glass again. "That's why you're here."

"What am I supposed to do?"

"Tell me what I should do."

"You know I can't do that."

"But you said that people don't turn gay overnight, so I can't be gay, right?"

Max shrugged. "There are many flavors of people. You can't just stick them in two categories, the spectrum isn't just black and white. I don't know. I don't think you're asking the right person, Mich. My ex just got engaged to a guy."

"I'm sorry, I didn't know she got engaged."

"Yes, she was kind enough to call me to let me know. Now if Amanda could turn straight, why can't you turn gay?"

"I don't think Amanda was ever gay. She never felt comfortable with the notion."

Max snorted. "Not in bed she didn't. Sorry, can we not talk about this?"

"Sure. But… I don't know. What if it takes me somewhere I don't want to go?"

"Then you call me, I'll fly in and kick her ass. By the way, who is she?"

"I still can't tell you that. Now with even a better reason."

Max bit the inside of her mouth. "Dammit, why do I get this feeling like it's someone I should know?"

Michiru smiled noncommittally. "Now you know how I felt about being left in the dark."

**x x x**

"Hi Amanda, it's Michiru. I heard you got engaged, congratulations. Listen, I know this is a bit out of turn, but I have a favor to ask. Can you give me a call back at this number?"

Michiru hang up the phone and tapped her lips with it. She knew it was still night in California, but if she was going to go through with her plan, she needed to do it that day.

**x x x**

The trip was reminiscent of the times past. Michiru hauled a cab outside of the airport and gave the driver an address. Michiru could almost hear Devin talk about a certain racer from the back seat. If only he knew. His affection for Haruka died down when he was in college, as he worked through his degree and then interned. Having excelled in his studies, Devin got an offer with the Department of Defense, which he could not pass, so his once dream of being on Haruka's team took a back seat to life. The Careys could not be more proud.

Michiru missed the enthusiasm the youngest brother used to exude. It may have been tiring at the time, but she wished he was with her right now. If only to make her stop doubting herself. She grabbed tighter to her bag as the cab pulled into a parking lot.

**x x x**

It was her job, yet it was also her favorite past time. There was no requirement to train, nor was there any particular need, yet Haruka chose to do it because that was what she loved. Haruka gunned the car along the familiar route. She has been at it for over an hour and she could feel the ache settle in her lower back. Haruka wished Dido did not have to leave that morning. It was nice to have a personal masseuse. She did another lap and came into the pit. Haruka unstrapped herself out of the contraption and took the helmet off. Her mechanic, Milosz, walked up to her.

"There's someone looking for you."

"Oh?" Haruka looked behind him but did not see anyone.

"She doesn't look like a reporter, I don't know if she's a fan or what. I left her outside."

"Okay, thanks." Haruka unzipped the top of her suit and made her way out. Generally only locals knew that she trained there, unless it was before the official race. It was rather rare for someone to go looking for Haruka in Monza, which is why she had a house there. Her curiosity turned into something much more powerful as she saw who her visitor was. She was looking at the empty track, her hair gently moving in the light breeze. Her light brown trench coat did not hide the outline of her perfect figure. Haruka slowly walked up to the violinist.

Michiru turned to see Haruka dressed in her racing suit walk up to her. Seeing her again like that, Michiru could hardly believe that Haruka was a woman. Feminine outlines in her face maybe, but nothing gave away the shapes of the woman Michiru saw at the court.

"Can we talk?" Michiru spoke.

"Not here." Unsure of what else to say, Haruka led Michiru to her car.

"Do you have one of these everywhere in the world?" Michiru half-smiled at the red Ferrari.

"I own this one, so no wet clothes." She meant it as a joke, but the memories it brought in both of them created an uncomfortable pause. Haruka has never been this thankful for the proximity of her house. She pulled in the garage and got out.

Michiru followed Haruka inside the house, taking in the modest, but tasteful decor.

"Would you like something to drink?" Haruka saw Michiru shake her head and gestured to the couch in the living room. "Would you mind if I take a quick shower?"

Michiru shook her head again and Haruka left. Michiru looked around the room and noticed two things immediately: there were pictures of a family of four on the walls, and there was a grand piano in the corner. She looked closer at the pictures, noting that they all dated back to when Haruka was a teenager. Her sister was in every one of them. Michiru remembered the conversation they had back in Los Angeles and shook off the sadness that it brought on. Looking for something to occupy herself with, she walked up to the piano. There was not a speckle of dust on it and Michiru assumed that it was not because of someone's meticulous cleaning. It was used often. She opened the keys and sat on the bench. Michiru's fingers tentatively traveled across the ivory keys, finally bringing the instrument to life with one of the piano-violin compositions she knew. Her fingers were not nearly as fast as they used to be when Michiru learned to compose at Juilliard and she missed a few notes, but otherwise it was not too bad for someone who played violin for a living. She was immersed into the music and did not hear Haruka walk in, until she smelled the fresh scent of soap directly behind her. Michiru stopped playing and gently closed the top.

"So you play piano." It was the card Haruka never had an opportunity to pull out like she promised to.

"Yes, I do."

Michiru turned to find the blonde wearing khaki cargo pants and a form-fitting black t-shirt standing behind her. Now she could see it again. The woman in front of her. Michiru got up and a jolt of realization surged through her system. She took a step closer to Haruka, who eyed her wearily, and moved the blonde strands that covered Haruka's right ear. Michiru's fingers gently touched the small earring.

"Haruka, have you ever been to Juilliard?"

Haruka stepped away and walked to the other side of the room, where she opened a bottle of wine. "Yes, I have and yes, I was obnoxiously screaming on the phone early in the morning."

"When did you figure that out?"

"Shortly after Amanda mentioned that you went to Juilliard. I figured there weren't that many people who looked like you there."

Michiru nodded slowly. "Why did you leave?"

Haruka extended her the glass and they both walked to the couch. "I wasn't meant to do it. My sister started to take piano lessons when she was six. I could care less about it, all I wanted to do was be at the racing track with my dad. My mother thought that if she could interest both of us in it, we would spend more time together and I would not be as much of a tomboy as I was. I started playing when I was seven." Haruka sipped on the dry wine. "At some point Karin couldn't practice as much as she needed to, it wore her off, but she loved the sound. So I played. Every evening I would play and she would listen. She wanted me to be a famous musician. I wanted to be a racer."

"And you couldn't pick between the two."

Haruka looked at her. "How do you know?"

"'Too many choices for a teenager.' That's what your father said, I didn't understand it until now."

"How do you even remember that?"

Michiru shrugged her shoulder. "Random things that pop into my brain."

"Karin made me promise that I would apply to Juilliard and I did. I had to either stop playing and race or stop racing and play. I couldn't do both like I wanted to. Karin died in our last year of high school, so I bummed all the qualifiers for the races. My parents convinced me that I should go to school, in Karin's memory."

"What made you change your mind?"

"My dad had a heart attack the morning after I came to Juilliard. It was a final blow. I couldn't move away from them to New York for four years. Not that I'm home too often as it is." Haruka pondered on her own words. "Karin used to say that I shouldn't race because it's dangerous and I would never let our parents lose both kids. I think I realized then that no matter how safe one is trying to be, life takes over. Sometimes it is worth risking it every once in a while to feel that you are living the rest of the time."

Haruka slowly sipped on her wine, watching the violinist who curled up in the corner of the opposite couch from underneath her lashes. Most of all she wanted to ask what Michiru was doing here, but she did not know how to. She has never been in this position before. She liked someone and that someone knew of her true gender. Moreover, that same someone went out of her way to find her. What did that mean?

"Why?"

"I'm sorry?" Haruka was caught off-guard.

Michiru, no longer dissuaded by the compassionate feelings she had towards the blonde, decided to get what she came there for. "Why do you lie about who you are?"

"Are you always this straightforward?"

"No, but if you're not going to give me an explanation, which I feel I deserve, then there isn't a point in even wasting this wine."

Haruka nodded slowly. "Is this what you came here for, then? An explanation of why I hurt your feelings?"

"Hurt my feelings?" Michiru lowered the glass in her outstretched hand. "You hurt my feelings when you called me a 'bitch' without even knowing what I was going through at the moment. This…" Michiru drew a circle around Haruka with her glass. "…this isn't hurting someone's feelings… it's changing the universe within which they operate. Changing my universe. What the hell do you expect me to do when I find out that the guy I thought I was semi-seeing, but definitely getting intimate with is not a guy at all? I mean, if I thought I was gay, I would've dated Max a long time ago, I love her personality, we could've made a great couple."

"So let me get this straight, if you were gay, you would've dated your friend. You're not gay, so you're here to find out why I hide the fact that I'm a woman? To what, satisfy your curiosity?" Haruka was not particularly known for her patience, and she was losing it.

Michiru put her glass on the tiled floor and got up. She walked to the french doors and looked outside, gathering her thoughts. Whatever she came there for, she did not come to have a shouting match with the blonde. She saw a tennis court in a small distance and a corner of her mouth curled up. Haruka's expression when she realized Michiru found her out was priceless.

"I don't know why I'm here, Haruka. I would've never jumped on a plane to go find out something out of curiosity. I just need a starting point, I guess. I've never been so confused in my life. I think I need to know simply to explain to myself how I could reasonably be in that position in a first place." She turned around and walked back to the couch, taking a seat at the opposite end of the one Haruka was sitting on. "I didn't come here to jerk you around."

**x x x**

**It all started as a misunderstanding. A simple misunderstanding. I already signed the contract, it was either agree to the ultimatum or lose the deal I've always dreamed of. I just let my other dream pass to concentrate all of my efforts on racing. I could not lose that, I would have had nothing left. So instead, I lost myself.**


	15. CH 14

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Haruka and Michiru's characters, they belong to Naoko Takeuchi. All other characters and this story belong to me. This story is fictional. Any references to real life companies, places and events are weaved into a web of fiction and do not have any connection with reality.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**AN:** Hey everyone, thanks for your reviews, here's the promised update.

_**petiyaka:**_ don't get me wrong, I didn't watch that show either… I don't do reality tv, I only watch the show that makes fun of them ;) Yeah, I'm walking this one really slow, and I understand that, but it's exactly because I want to touch on things like… confusion… parents' reaction and so on.

_**Tenoh and Kaioh:**_ to be honest, if I wrote 7 paragraphs of descriptions, I'd skip them every time I had to re-read the chapter, so I figure some of you might do that as well, then what's the point of describing singing birds to death, hm?

_**SeraEris:**_ Yeah, I'd go for a massage myself right about now. More action in the next chappie, this is more of a catch-up with Haruka who's been patiently sitting on the side 'till now.

_**Mantaray: **_I really don't need a break from my stories, I'd write them every day if I could, it's life I need a brea from ;) But, I shall march forward. And hey, world cup is over…

_**qwerty:**_ thanks for the offer, but I'm taken :P Hey, it's a very structured hiatus… note that I'm updating weekly, not yearly… I've seen those.

_**rumiteka: **_sometimes filler chapters have to come in, it's impossible to build excitement upon excitement. Well, Michi made the first step, now it's Haruka's turn, ne?

_**imjce:**_ I think it has more to do with reading instead of sleeping than cramming everything in your head… or both. So, as I mentioned, you 1. Made my day by posting as you read and 2. Crack me up with all the posts and I love you for it (hasbian, man I ought to use that somewhere). So, here's your weekly glass of well-aged red wine.

_**Arufa**_: Michiru, bad angel? Nah… assertive and not afraid of things, sure… mischievous? Well, not until she met Haruka… bad influence that she is

Okay, so, just as an fyi, those are titles from tabloid covers around the time when the events in the story take place.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**Chapter 14**

"_Escapades of a Racer"_

"_The New Star"_

"_Meet Tenoh"_

**x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x **

"What?" She went back to throwing things in the suitcase as she held the phone with her shoulder.

"_Haruka, honey, what do you think you're doing? Are you insane?" _Her mother's voice was barely above normal, but Haruka knew that she would yell if she could. She just never did.

"No, I'm not insane. This was your idea from the beginning, not mine! It's a freaking waste of money for me to -"

"_It is not a waste of money to build a future upon your talent."_

"I have more than one talent!"

"_Playing cars is just that, Haruka, playing. Music fits you so much better, your femininity comes out, it's more appropriate."_

"Have you met me? I don't care that this is more appropriate for a female, we live in the twenty-first century for goodness sake!"

"_Even so, you have a chance at a career, you have a chance to become something, get somewhere."_

"And you think I will become what? A show-biz celebrity? Please, that's just shallow."

"_Haruka, I'm not talking about that, I'm talking about turning back years later and having satisfaction of knowing that you achieved something. Don't throw that all away."_

"Mom, seriously, I'm coming home. I've had it. If you can't deal with your problems without me being there, then I'll be there. End of discussion."

She flipped the phone closed and bashed it into the floor, until it rang again. Stubbornness ran in the family. She looked at the caller ID and sighed, opening the phone back up. "Dad? I can't do it. This is not what I want, I want to be with you guys, you need me. I told you that fate would decide which path I should take and fate has decided. It's not for me to be here."

"_Kiddo, you had to make your mind one way or the other. Unfortunately, you made your decision to stop driving as quickly as you're making your decision to leave school now. I want to make sure that you won't regret it later. You need to put all your efforts in to get what you want. Especially if you want to be famous."_

She zipped up her suitcase slowly, listening to what her father was saying. "I don't care if I never become famous, it's something Karin wanted, not me. She can see me no matter what I do, no matter where I am. I'm coming home. I'll call you when I figure out a ticket."

Haruka hang up the phone and turned it off, not willing to answer it again. She buried her face in the palms of her hands, sitting on the floor for another couple of minutes, before she got up and left to pack her toiletries. In another fifteen minutes she walked out of the room with her luggage, without ever bothering to say another word to the other girl in the room. Haruka realized that she was rude belatedly when she walked out on the street and just shook her head in annoyance. She pulled her suitcase and her bag to the subway station and got to JFK. She checked the departure schedule and got herself on standby for the next flight to Rochester.

She sat on the floor next to her sports bag, thinking of what she just did. Ever since Karin died she could not concentrate on anything but playing the piano. Every time she drove, the insecurities she never had before came out and she did not do as well as she used to. She did not do the maneuvers she was capable of, she did not cut the turns close. She drove safe and it made her skill mediocre. Haruka worried so much about her parents losing the only child they had left and it was not the right way of thinking. She knew that now. If she was meant to die, she would, even if she went to Juilliard. The plane she was about to take could never make it. She always believed that fate was more powerful than human planning.

Though her father's heart attack was the last blow that made her change her mind, it was really an excuse to get out of school. She arrived the day before and already made her way around the facilities, checked out the practice rooms. Haruka loved music, but playing was something special she shared with her sister, so every time she played she thought of Karin. She did not even think about how hard it would be to play every, learning new pieces and working on her technique, leaving her feelings aside. Haruka was not sure she could do it.

She watched people walk through the gates and then for one of the airline employees to gesture for Haruka to come over. Once she was seated inside the plane, she dialed her aunt's phone number.

"Hey, auntie Carol."

"_Hi sweetie, how are you holding up?"_

"I could be better. I'm flying into Rochester in an hour or so. I know it's a bit to ask, but do you think you can pick me up?"

"_Sure thing, sweetie. Call me when you land, in case I'm still driving."_

"Okay. Thank you." Haruka disconnected and dialed her father's number. "Dad? I'll see you at the hospital in the afternoon, don't worry about anything and tell mom the same."

**x x x**

**People say that you are born this way or you are born that way. Many claim that I was born a racer. Well, I don't remember driving out of my mother's womb, but I do remember all the hours I've put in over the years. When I finally made up my mind, I raced carts at the track every day, getting my edge back, and then I worked out for hours, making sure that my body was up to par to the car that I have not even driven yet. **

**x x x**

Charlie Tenoh watched his daughter finish her twentieth lap of the day and walked back to his office. His heart attack affected him more than he showed his wife or Haruka. Not in a physical sense, he was let out of the hospital in two days, it was the emotional impact that lasted longer. Watching his younger daughter lose fight to her illness and then seeing how it broke Haruka's spirit worried him for most of the year. He was not ready to step out of the picture yet. His living daughter needed his help and now that she seemed to finally have made up her mind, Charlie was going to help her. He pulled a card out of a drawer in his office table and dialed the number.

"Hello, my name is Charlie Tenoh, I'm looking for Steven Sanders."

"_Just a moment."_

"_Sanders."_

"Mr. Sanders, good afternoon, this is Charlie Tenoh, I'm calling to follow up on our conversation from a while back."

"_Tenoh… Tenoh… oh yeah, your kid, what was the name again?"_

"Haruka. Haruka Tenoh."

"_Right. So you finally decided to sign him up, huh?"_

"Well, actually, Haruka is a -"

"_Hey, listen, I'm sorry, I don't have much time here, I can come up and see what he's got. Now, how is next Monday?"_

"Next Monday will be just fine."

"_I'll stop by the Glen then."_

"Thank you."

Charlie hang up and looked at the trophies on his wall. Steve Sanders was a recruiter that came to the track during one of the races last summer and he was interested in Haruka. Since Haruka herself did not know what she wanted to do, Charlie decided to give her time to figure it out before he let her know about the possibility of recruitment. The only thing that bothered him now was that Steve thought that Haruka was a boy. Charlie shrugged it off as something Steve probably did not remember. He figured that he would clear things up when Steve came to town. He never got a chance.

**x x x**

It was just another day, just another run that Haruka was making. She came up to the finish line and saw her father wave at her on the side of the track. Slowing down, Haruka pulled to the side of an otherwise empty track and got out. A man she has never seen before stood next to her father. She put her helmet on the seat and walked up to them. She saw her father open his mouth, but the other man beat him to the punch.

"Hi Haruka, I'm Steve Sanders, I do national recruiting for racers."

Her mouth dry and her head suddenly spinning, Haruka extended her hand. "Haruka."

"Glad to finally make your acquaintance, kid. Listen, I'm not the kind to beat around the bush, so I'll get straight to the point. I've seen you drive in the competitions last year and you did pretty darn well just now, so I'd like to snatch you before it's too late."

Haruka looked at her father, trying to understand if what she was hearing was true or just a joke. If it was the latter, it was pretty cruel. "Okay."

"So, have you ever sat in an F-1 car?"

Obviously she has not, so she shook her head. Steve looked at her kart and smiled. "So what do you say to putting you in one of the real beasts?"

"I'd say that I'd love that."

Steve slapped her across her shoulders. "That's great, that's great. So here's how this works. As I said, I do national recruiting, so I primarily do NASCAR drivers. My partner deals with F-1 and the European teams. Why don't you come visit us, show us what you've got in a real car and then he'll see if he can hook you up."

"Visit you where?" Was all Haruka could master.

"Indianapolis, kid."

Haruka looked at her father and he gave her a nod, a wide smile across his lips.

**x x x**

The next two months were a rush. Haruka went to Indianapolis with her parents, she met what felt like too many people. At first she tried to remember who all of them were and be nice to them, but after she was constantly ignored, dismissed, or plainly looked down upon, she gave up. Not wanting to be bothered by it, Haruka concentrated on showing the best she could. The first time she sat in a race car, her hands shook from the adrenalin rush, before she even turned the ignition on. Driving it felt unlike anything else she has ever done. She felt the power surge through her entire being, but she also felt the difference and knew that she had a lot of practice ahead.

Haruka partook in a qualifying race among her peers and her efforts paid off. She sat in a small stuffy office across from Steve's business partner, Tom. He was an overweight man with thinning hair and a sourly disposition. Haruka shifted in her chair uncomfortably and waited for the man to speak.

"You did pretty well, kid." He coughed to the side. "Force India, Scuderia Toro Rosso and Scuderia Ferrari Malboro are looking for back-up drivers for their line ups."

Haruka's ears visibly perked up at the mention of the last team. She wiped her wet palms against her thighs and waited for him to continue.

"I think you had an equally good chance with all three, I signed you up with Ferrari."

"What?" Haruka did not remember ever giving him the right to sign her up with anyone, not that she read the entire contract she signed. She tried, but it was too complicated. On the other hand, everything she had was put in the hands of the man that sat across from her, literally. The money her parents saved up for Juilliard was paid to the recruiters when Haruka came to Indianapolis. The fee was hard to stomach, but her parents insisted that since she made up her mind, they should all invest in their efforts to the fullest. Haruka figured that their money just paid off.

Tom eyed the teenager in front of him. He was a veteran of the business and his heart did not necessarily lay with his clients' best interests. He did not care if they preferred McLaren over Ferrari or BMW over Toyota or vice versa. What he did care about was his fee that he got from the team, and the top teams paid top money. Really, it was Haruka's luck that out of the three teams that were looking Tom approached Ferrari because of the cut he was about to make.

"It's a six-month training contract. Since the season is winding down soon, they want to see where they can get with you before the next one starts. You'll be going to Italy to meet with their folks, they'll take care of you there."

"When do I leave?"

"December."

**x x x**

The date for her scheduled arrival in Italy was two weeks away. Haruka stayed in Indianapolis for another three days, waiting for a copy of the contract Tom signed on her behalf. She needed to see it to believe it. She stopped by his office first thing Monday morning. As she has often seen, he was sitting behind his desk, puffing on a cigar.

"Morning Tom."

"Hi." He looked away from a thick catalog that was at the center of his attention and up to her. "What the fuck is this?"

"Huh?" She stared at him dumbly.

"What the hell are you wearing?"

Haruka looked down at herself. While she spent most of the time parading around in her racing attire or cargos and racing jackets, she dressed like her mother liked for their trip home. She wore black pants, a turtleneck sweater and a knee-length fitted coat.

"What's wrong with my clothes?"

"What… what's wrong with your clothes?" He stood up and walked around the desk, pointing at her with his cigar. "What are you, a cross-dresser?"

"I -"

"You can't do this kind of shit around here, people will step over you."

"Tom, I'm not cross-dressing… wait, do you think I'm a boy?"

The ash from his cigar fell to the floor. "What the fuck are you?"

Haruka stared at him in complete bewilderment. "I'm a girl."

Tom felt the cigar burn his fingers as he saw an imaginary dial of his bank account rewind at a speed of lightening. He never once assumed she was a girl. He never had anyone bring a female racer to him before and she did not look much like one until now. The wheels turned quickly in his head.

"Listen, kid. I had no idea who you are, and generally I wouldn't give two shits, but I just signed you up with Ferrari as a BOY. They think they're expecting an eighteen-year old lad coming there, one whom I referred to as 'he.' If you want to fuck all of this up by saying that you're a girl, be my guest, but let me tell you, no one will bring you in then."

Haruka felt tears collect at the corners of her eyes. "I'm not saying that I'm a girl, Tom, I am one."

"No, you're not. If you want to race F-1, then you're Haruka Tenoh, a rookie car driver from New York, the only son of your proud parents. I don't give a fuck how you'll pull that off, but that's none of my god damn business." He ignored the tears that were streaming down her cheeks and grabbed a set of papers from his desk. "Here's your contract. If you want to follow through with it, quit crying like a girl."

Haruka took the papers from him and walked out of the small office without saying another word. She did not stop crying until their plane landed in Rochester.

**x x x**

What was supposed to be the most exciting time in her life, turned out to be one of the most depressing. Both of her parents tried to talk her out of it, but Haruka was set on following through with the contract. At least the one that was already signed. She did not even know if she would get anything else out of it. Having put all of their money on the table and having gotten in bed with the team she always dreamed of racing for, Haruka could not find it in herself to breach.

She thought that maybe there would be an opportunity to explain, once she got to Europe, once she started training. An opportunity to explain that it was just a mistake and she really was a girl, but she was just as good as any man. She could make history. It all sounded so reasonable, it was her only hope.

Her open suitcase sat on top of her bed, empty. Haruka sat indian-style in front of her closet, her elbows on her knees, and just stared. Her mother, Mary, stood in the doorway with her hands crossed in front of her chest.

"Sweetie, what are you doing?"

"I don't know what to take, mom."

Mary sighed and walked up to her child, putting her hand in the wild blonde locks. "Just take some of your pants, your t-shirts, jackets. You'll layer clothing for now. The winter is just beginning."

Haruka did not move an inch. "I don't even have jeans or anything like that."

"We're going to Carol's for dinner, why don't you go through Mike's clothes?"

"I don't feel comfortable doing that."

"I'm sure he won't mind."

"I'm not. I wouldn't like for someone to go through my clothing while I was shipped out, cousin or not."

"Sweetie, that's not something you should worry yourself with. You're dealing with enough as it is."

**x x x**

Dressed in her cousin's jeans, overly tight sports bra, and three layers of different tops underneath her racing jacket, Haruka stood at the end of the boat deck of her aunt's bed and breakfast. She looked at the lake covered in a thin layer of ice, then sat down and traced her fingers over the surface.

"I'm sorry, Karin. I did it anyway. I chose what I wanted to be, despite the risks… but I promise, I will always play for you. No matter where I go. Please watch over me."

Haruka gradually stood up and walked back to the house. That morning she left her home.

**x x x**

Seventeen long hours later, Haruka got off the plane in Bologna and found her way through the airport. A blonde man in his late twenties stood in a crowd of other people with a piece of paper that had her name on it. Haruka made her way to him.

"Hi, I'm Haruka."

"Joel DiCallo, it's nice to meet you, Haruka. Call me Joe." He shook her hand. "Come on, let's go find your luggage."

While they waited for the carousel to bring out the bags, Haruka studied the man next to her from underneath her eyelashes. He was a bit shorter than her, a bit wider-boned, but definitely not out of shape. He wore black pants, a patterned t-shirt and a light jacket. Based on the way he spoke, she figured he must have been American.

"So you work for Ferrari?"

"God, no." He figured that it came out a bit wrong and hurried to explain. "I represent people like you, I'm an agent. Didn't Tom explain anything to you?" He saw her grimace and smiled. "Yeah, he can be a total douche, but he's hooked me up with some good people in the past."

Haruka chuckled. "So how does this work?"

"Eh, well, I kind of take care of you. I mean everyone in my line of business operates differently, a lot of people just like to order their clients around, myself and a few others kind of have this different approach, we have less clients, charge more money, but give ourselves fully to those we represent." He saw her stiffen at the mention of money. "Don't worry, I won't earn anything unless you earn something, I work on commission, so to speak, based on percentage of what you get. That asshole really didn't explain anything to you, did he?"

"No, he didn't." Haruka had an itch to tell her new manager what Tom did not tell him, but was afraid that it was too premature.

"Eh, well, forget about him, he's out of the picture. Now, you and I are going to Maranello to meet with people from Ferrari, that's their home base. You'll have time to get yourself acquainted with their history, their philosophy and the sorts. You'll be staying in town for the six months of your contract. Ferrari owns a circuit there, they primarily use it to test cars, but that's where you'll train as well. I won't play around with you, they will try to work you to your grave in those six months because they'll want to make sure that you're worth their time and money. Are you ready for that?"

Haruka grabbed her suitcase from the carousel and turned back to her manager. "I was born ready."

**x x x**

"Every day of those six months I kept thinking 'tomorrow I will come clean, tomorrow I will let them know,' but there never was an opportune moment. I mean, how could there be one? Then they offered me a three-year contract with a renewal option for another three. I finally told Joe a week before I signed the first contract. At that point I've trained with the team for half of the year, I was unofficially a part of the line-up. Joe went to the team manager and told him the truth. Sure there was my fault in it, but his reaction was same as Tom's. Instead of throwing me off the team, he told Joe to forget what he just said and never mention it again.

It was one thing when I though it was temporary, a very different thing when the deception turned indefinite. Thankfully for me, I met a stylist who could help. My recruiter and the team manager conditioned my racing on being male, my manager and stylist made me become one. At least in the public eye. That's why."

Haruka looked at the violinist who was curled up on the opposite side of the couch, her heavy lids half-hooding the blue eyes, her wine glass empty. Haruka sat up and took the glass, placing it next to the two empty bottles on the coffee table. "Here I pour my heart out to you and you're falling asleep?"

Michiru smiled. "I'm not, I'm still listening." She eyed the blonde closer. "I just can't believe you pulled it off and kept it up for so many years. How do you see people?"

"I don't."

Michiru sat up, stretching her spine. "You're too devious not to have relationships."

"Haven't you made sacrifices for your career?"

It hit home. "I have."

"Then you can understand."

Who was Michiru to judge Haruka for her mistakes, when the ones Michiru has done were much worse? She too did it all in the name of her career, what she thought was most important. "Yeah." She snuggled back into the back of the couch.

"Hey, don't get comfortable there." Haruka looked at the clock, it was almost ten. "Come on, you can stay in one of the bedrooms upstairs."

Michiru did not even think about accommodations. She took a one-way flight, determined to figure out how she felt and where she stood, and completely disregarding everything else.

"Thank you."

Haruka got up and offered Michiru her hand. The violinist accepted and was brought to her feet in a smooth movement. Their bodies an inch apart, they both held their breath for a moment. Not wanting to push it, Haruka let go of Michiru and showed her the way to the guest room.

Once they made their way upstairs, Haruka looked at her guest in contemplation. She then walked to her bedroom and returned shortly with a t-shirt. "Here, I figure sleeping in a dress may not be the best idea."

Michiru looked at her cotton dress and nodded. That was another thing she did not consider. "Thanks."

"There should be towels in the top drawer and a robe in the armoire. The bathroom is at the end of the hall. Let me know if you need anything else."

"I think I'll be fine." Michiru leaned against the door frame with her back.

"Okay. Good night then."

"Good night." She watched Haruka walk down the hall and back downstairs. Michiru walked inside the bedroom and closed the door. The shirt she held smelled of lavender. Yet another token of proof that Haruka was not a man.

**x x x**

She woke up to the soft notes of one of Mozart's less played sonatas. Michiru was not sure which one it was, but the perfect execution made her turn to her back and just bathe in sound. She could understand now why Haruka was at Juilliard. She had a tremendous talent. Michiru relaxed deeper in the white satin sheets, pulling the comforter up to her nose. She watched the rays of sun hit the wall at the foot of the bed and just listened. She could do so for hours.

But, since she was not quite at home and she still needed to figure out what to do, Michiru got up in another fifteen minutes. She took her clothes, grabbed a towel and slipped to the bathroom. She found a new brush, still in its packaging, on the edge of the sink and smiled. She liked little thoughtful things about the racer. It felt nice to be cared for again.

After making herself as presentable as she could, considering that she wore her yesterday's wrinkled clothes, Michiru put her toiletries back in her bag and made her way downstairs. She tiptoed across the hall, not wanting to interrupt the pianist, and stood between the kitchen bar and the living room. Haruka was wearing dark brown beach pants and a white tank top. Michiru took the opportunity to acquaint herself with the body she was still accepting as female. Distinct, ripped muscles played in Haruka's back as she reached across the keys and Michiru admired the effect.

As though sensing her presence, Haruka turned around. "Good morning."

"Morning."

Haruka closed the keys and stood up. "How did you sleep?"

"Good."

Shaking off the uncomfortable feeling that still hang in the air, Haruka walked to the kitchen. "Do you always get up so early?"

Michiru looked at the clock on the wall. It was twenty to seven. "A habit, I guess." She vaguely remembered that Haruka started her days at five.

The latter got out two glasses and a bottle of orange juice. "Coffee?"

"No, thanks."

Haruka set the glasses on the breakfast bar and pulled out the stools, gesturing for Michiru to take one. They both sat down and sipped on the cold liquid. "So where do we go from here?" Haruka finally asked what she wanted to know since she saw Michiru for the first time yesterday.

"I don't know."

"Okay, let's take it one step at a time. Am I forgiven for my deception?"

"I don't think I have any right to judge you for what you did." Michiru felt the blue eyes pierce through her and yielded a normal answer. "Yes, you are forgiven."

"Okay, so we can at least start from a position of acquaintances." Haruka reasoned slowly.

"I think we know too much about each other to be simply acquaintances."

"Actually, you know pretty much everything there is to know about me, but I know nothing about you." Haruka set her glass down and leaned on the counter.

"Fair enough." Michiru took a deep breath. "What would you like to know?"

They both turned at a sound coming from the other end of the hall. "Are you decent?" A man's voice called out.

Haruka cursed under her breath about the timing. "Are you alone?"

The footsteps approached the living room. "Have you met Amanda? She'd never get out of bed to be here at seven."

Michiru watched with interest as a blonde man she saw playing tennis with Haruka entered the open space in front of them. He did not have an opportunity to hide his surprise, so he just stared at her, then looked at Haruka for an explanation.

"Michiru, this is my manager, Joel DiCallo, Joe, this is Michiru Kaioh."

He shook her gracefully extended hand. "And?"

"And I told her how I got myself into this mess."

"Does this mean that you will stop living with me?"

"Huh?" Haruka just stared at him.

Joe shook his head and set a a large white box he was holding on the counter. "Never mind. Here, I brought breakfast."

Haruka popped the top open and looked at the assortment of pastries. "And then you blame me for drinking? Do you know how long it takes to work off these carbs?"

"Who cares, they look delicious." Michiru said as she grabbed a cannoli.

Haruka watched the smaller woman close her eyes in satisfaction as perfect white teeth bit into the dough and then a tip of pink tongue licked the extra cream off of the full lips. She quickly moved her eyes away, but too late for Joe not to notice. He smirked and she flipped a finger at him behind Michiru's back, shutting him up before he made any remarks. She got up and turned on a teapot.

"Sorry, I would leave you two alone, but we have to be in Maranello at noon." Joe explained to Michiru, more so than apologized to Haruka.

Michiru shrugged her shoulder. Joe relieved her from having to answer Haruka's questions, which was not that bad, so she did not really mind. "So, you're the fiancé."

"How do you know?"

"I have my sources."

"Have you spoken to Amanda recently?" Joe asked, remembering that the two used to be friends.

"We did, but she wasn't the one who told me. We still have mutual acquaintances, Joe."

"She called her ex, didn't she?"

Michiru cocked an eyebrow. "Why do you ask?"

"It just sounds like something Amanda would do."

Michiru bit into the cannoli to occupy her mouth with something other than the answer. Her phone vibrated in her purse on the floor. Michiru thanked stars for yet another interception of an uncomfortable subject.

"Morning."

"_Where are you, Michiru? What happened to letting me know when you leave somewhere? The studio called, they said that you didn't show up yesterday, what's going on?"_

"Sheesh, you sound like my mother."

"_I'm you agent, Michiru, not your mother, I have more power."_

"And a lot more arrogance." She smiled at Haruka who extended her a cup of tea and nodded her thanks. "Tell them that I'm running late, but I'll catch the first flight and hopefully be there in the afternoon."

"_You still did not tell me where you are."_

"If it makes you feel better, I wouldn't tell that to my mother either. Goodbye Anne, I will see you back in Rome." Michiru hang up before her manager found her voice and slipped her phone back in her purse. She noticed that Joe was hiding a smile behind his cup. "What?"

He shook his head. "I don't think I've ever seen anyone talk to Anne Dunn in that manner."

"You know her?"

"We used to work together way back when."

"How do you know she's my agent?"

"Small circles."

They had their breakfast in relative silence, then Haruka cleaned the breakfast bar. "I'll take you to the airport."

"I thought you had to be somewhere."

"I do, but that's two hours away, over four hours from now."

"She just wants a reason to race there." Joe offered.

"I'd appreciate that." Michiru smiled.

"Let me change and we'll be on our way." Haruka left the two and disappeared upstairs.

Joe studied Michiru as the latter followed the blonde with her eyes. "May I ask what your intentions are?"

Michiru looked back at the man sitting next to her and cocked a brow. Apparently both of their agents have taken it upon themselves to act as parents. "You may not."

"Michiru, she may look tough, but she can be very easily hurt, I'm her friend first and her agent second, I would hate to see that happen."

"What makes you think I will hurt her?"

"Does she know that you're married?" He watched her eyes widen. "Maybe you should start there. I'd hate to be the one to break it to her."

Now Michiru's eyes turned into slits. "Are you blackmailing me?"

"No, I'm warning you."

"You may manage her professional life, but please don't pretend to care about her private one. If you did, you would've never let her lose herself for the sake of her job." Michiru got up and walked out to the garage, the way she came in yesterday.

Joe watched her go and shook his head. He was not sure if it was at her or at himself.

"Where is she?"

He looked at Haruka, who transformed back into her public image and sighed. "She's waiting by the car."

"What did you do?"

"She just wanted some fresh air."

"Right… because it's the freshest inside the garage." Haruka grabbed her keys and left the house.

**x x x**

"Do you want me to go in with you and see if flights are available?"

Michiru shook her head. "No, it's okay. Thank you for the ride."

"Thank you for coming." Haruka watched Michiru's fingers play with the hem of her dress. "Have dinner with me tomorrow night."

Michiru looked to her side. "I'll be in Rome tomorrow night."

"I know." Haruka smiled. "Gives me another reason to go for a ride."

"Okay. Call me tomorrow. My phone number is still the same."

"Okay." Haruka unstrapped her seatbelt and got out of the car. She opened the door for Michiru and the violinist stepped out. "Bye Michiru."

"Bye Haruka." Michiru smiled and turned around. She heard the door close behind her, then felt a hand grab her arm and pull her back. With her back against the car and a familiar body against her front, she had no escape. She did not even form her protest when her mouth was taken by force. Despite the new knowledge, despite the insecurities and the unknown, Michiru felt the desire build inside and she responded to the kiss, just like she did so many times before. Haruka's hands caressed the sides of Michiru's body as she satisfied her smallest craving. Her hands finally reached up and cupped the sides of Michiru's face. Haruka pulled back and looked in the ocean blue eyes.

"I just want you to know that I'm used to fighting for what I want."

Michiru bit on her wet lower lip and watched the racer walk around the car and get inside. She stepped away and let the machine carry away its master. Her heart still beat faster than normal.

**x x x**

A photograph taken from behind Haruka, showing her back, the unmistakable aqua locks of the woman she was kissing, and the red car not yet released to the general public circulated through the interior channels of news industry until it found its new owner and lay in the file named "Tenoh, Haruka." For now.

**x x x**

**Second chances. That's what this is all about. We screw things up and then we try to fix our mistakes and sometimes, rarely, but sometimes life affords us second chances. I thought that's what it was when Michiru just accepted me for who I am. Turns out, it was just the natural progression of what was meant to happen all along. **


	16. CH 15

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Haruka and Michiru's characters, they belong to Naoko Takeuchi. All other characters and this story belong to me. This story is fictional. Any references to real life companies, places and events are weaved into a web of fiction and do not have any connection with reality.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**AN:** I guess Christmas came a day early… ok, I know this doesn't even compare to Christmas and I know it's still freaking hot (at least in my part of the world), but I'm posting a day early.

Oh, also, I have to share something. Have you ever stood in line, you know, just bored, sort of surveying the people ahead of you? Well, I was doing that on Monday and then had to do a double-take. It was one of those 'that girl standing with that boy is kinda cute… wait is that a boy? Nooooo, it's not a boy… it's a girl. A blonde girl whose unruly locks are cut short, but not short enough to be hidden by the ball cap she's wearing… and you could still see feminine outlines under the black t-shirt… oh man, look at those arms… how tall is she? Probably not 5'9", but up there… oh, I'm sorry, is it my turn to order already?' So there, at Timmy Ho's of all places, in the middle of northern Ontario province I saw a pretty good real life version of Haruka. *sigh* sorry, had to share with someone who'd understand :)

Anywho, I think you guys will like this chapter. I sure did when I wrote it :P

_**petiyaka:**_ I don't know who the photographer was, my point was just to bring it to your attention that they are being photographed, whether they know it or not. It'll all come out later.

_**lostinhersong:**_ Thanks :) I try to sort of not make H&M the same in my fics, which is sometimes hard. That's why I stopped posting the sequel to IAAU2. Haruka is different in those two and I didn't want to mix it in. This is just a long way of saying that creating a different past and making her go through different hardships helps shape a somewhat different Haruka.

_**SeraEris:**_ Yeah, I didn't realize how clueless I was about F-1 until I started writing this. I know it's unrealistic for Ferrari to sign up a rookie, but that's why this is fiction, right? :D Yea, you'll get your action… keep reading. :)

_**Tenoh and Kaioh: **_I think every author adds a piece of themselves to their stories. Some more so than the others, so if they make Haruka into someone who she's not as an original character, it's because they would like to see her that way. I like the original character, even though I realize that even I wrote her in great variations. I still like to stick to the original basics. Like feminine Haruka that Takeuchi-sensei created.

_**Qwerty:**_ sorry, don't have a zune, don't know how hard it is to type on it :P But greatly appreciate that you did it anyway! Rock on. Now, on the other hand, I did type up a whole chapter on my iPhone. That wasn't too bad, but for when I had to argue with it when it tried to autocorrect some of the words I didn't want it to. Guess who won in the end :P

_**Mantaray: **_Yep, so Haruka basically left Juilliard and went back home, a couple of months later her dad called the recruiter. I did intentionally make them develop at the same time, that's why all those run ins where meant as little glimpses at the life of the other. Like when Haruka was already getting reporters tracking her and Michiru was still dreaming about being famous one day. Yeah, there will be mush before the new wave of problems. Don't you know me by now? I need lovey dovey stuff in between drama I love so much.

_**imjce:**_ any personal experience with agents that you're speaking from? Have I mentioned that I love you? I mean I read your reviews and laugh. I need that laugh, it's like medicine now. Now if you put your predictions in the first paragraph together with your assertions in the second, you'll get what happens. How's that for your detective brain? Go figure :) And OMG, thank you! I mean I have an excuse, my brain has been turned into a pile of goo from studying, so I may have missed out on the fact that playing piano at 6:40 in the morning is… f*cking weird, how come you're the only one who caught it? I'll go back and redo Michiru's answer to that question. It is stupid the way it's right now. Damn, I'm losing my mind.

_**Mm-Burnt-Toast-mM**_: I'm glad you're enjoying it and thanks for reading!

I think this is an **"M" **rated chapter for the lemon.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**Chapter 15**

"_A New Star is Born"_

"_New Line-Up"_

"_Who's Tenoh?"_

**x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x **

She was standing in front of the window of her apartment in Maranello, waiting for Joe to come over. When he called, he told her that he had exciting news. Haruka assumed that they were about the contract. She sighed heavily and unconsciously tightened the belt of her navy-blue bathrobe. There was a knock on the door and she let another breath out.

"It's open."

Joe came in and closed the door behind him. Haruka was standing on the opposite side of the room with her back to him. "Hey, speedy. Guess what I've got for you!"

"I've got something for you too."

His eyes lingered on her back and his voice grew rather concerned. "Are you okay?"

She placed her forehead on the cool pane of glass for a moment before replying. "No, I'm not okay." She took a deep breath. "Remember when Tom didn't tell me anything about what was supposed to happen when I got here?"

"Yeah, but that's water under the bridge, I mean, who cares about him now, six months down the line?"

"He didn't tell you something either, Joe." Haruka carefully untied her robe. "He told me that I didn't have a choice if I wanted to follow though with the contract or even be a racer in the future, so I did as he said… but I can't sign the contract like this. We need to do something about it."

"What are you talking about?"

Haruka squeezed her eyes and took another deep breath before she finally turned around and parted her robe. No words were necessary. Joe's eyes doubled in size, then he turned as white as a sheet. It felt like ages before he could tear his eyes away from her feminine body clad in simple black lingerie and bring them to her own. Once he did, they just stared at each other. Then Joe walked straight into the kitchen, grabbed a glass out of a small cupboard and retrieved a bottle of whiskey he kept on top of the fridge. He poured the amber liquid in the glass and gulped it down like it was water. Haruka carefully followed him and stood in the doorway.

Joe let go of the empty glass and threw her a sideways glance. "Can you cover yourself?"

"Oh, sorry." She belatedly remembered about her robe and tightened it around herself. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you before, I didn't know how to… I… I don't know what to do, Joe."

"And I'm supposed to know?" He looked at her and then started pacing. "Fuck, ten years in this business, and I've never come across anything that even comes close to this." He walked to the room and sat down on the couch, putting his head between his arms. "Okay. Okay. I can do this. I can figure this out. But man, there better be a very nice bonus waiting for me after we sign the contract, Haruka."

She swallowed the knot in her throat. "Anything you want."

**x x x**

It took Joe a couple of days to get his thoughts together and meet with the team manager. Haruka waited at the apartment, wringing her hands that shook visibly. She did not know how she made it through the past six months without being found out, but she knew that she was at her limit and she could not do that anymore, she could not lie to everyone. It was all too much. She heard the footsteps outside before Joe even reached the hallway outside of her door. She ran to it and swung it open.

Joe walked in and without bothering to acknowledge her presence went straight for his stash. He took two glasses and filled them both half way. Haruka closed the door and came into the kitchen. She looked at the extended glass and shook her head.

"I don't drink."

"You do now." He pushed the glass into her hands and emptied his. "You should sit down."

Haruka bit her lower lip and walked to the couch. "They're not going to add me to the line-up." She said slowly and sipped on the drink. The strong taste made her cringe as she felt the liquid burn her insides all the way down.

"That's not the deal."

"What is it then?" She did not harbor much hope based on Joe's own reaction.

"They want you to just keep going as you are."

"What?"

"They are ready to sign you up, but nothing changes. You act like you're acting now and no one finds out that you're a woman."

Haruka felt her breath catch. She took another large sip and choked, coughing. "And if I don't?"

"They will sue you for false pretenses and make sure that the closest you ever come to a racing track is your parents' house."

"Can they do that?"

"I don't know, Haruka, but they are a multimillion dollar corporation, do you really want to go against them?"

Haruka just stared down at the floor. "So what you're saying is that I don't even have a choice to walk away?"

"Not freely."

She emptied her glass, this time not even paying attention to the way her body protested. She blinked her tears away, she would not cry like a girl in front of anyone, not again. Haruka walked to the table where Joe left the contract three days ago, grabbed a pen and signed her name. She threw the pen on top of the contract and walked into the kitchen, returning back with the bottle of whiskey. She refilled their glasses and sat down.

"I'm sorry, Haruka."

Her hand that was holding the glass was against her mouth. She shook her head and sipped on the liquor. "It's my mess, not yours."

"What can I do to help?"

"I don't know how to keep on going, Joe."

"Take a break. Go home, see your family, recharge, and come back." She nodded slowly and Joe continued. "I'm going to go see when you can leave." He looked at her for any reaction and then departed, not getting any.

Haruka listened to his retreating steps, then she reached to the side table and grabbed her iPod. She turned the wheel to the song she got on a CD at the end of March. She put on her headphones, pressed the play button with one hand and pressed the glass to her lips with the other. As the words of the second verse faded into a violin solo tears finally fell freely down her cheeks. It was the only time she cried about that decision, in solitude of her apartment.

_...Despite the difficulties that almost make you bend_

_It'll all be worth it at the very end_

_You have a chance now, _

_You've got the power,_

_You kno-o-o-w you can get through,_

_Just don't give up now,_

_You've got the power,_

_Don't le-e-e-t them get to you…_

**x x x**

_Don't le-e-e-t them get to you…_

Haruka's hands were tapping the sides of the steering wheel as she drove south on A1. The next song on the album came on and Haruka just enjoyed the sound of the violin that was breaking through the guitar that it accompanied at every chorus.

_...Her eyes the color of an ocean_

_I see as clearly as day..._

At some point Haruka realized that what she was hearing were not the thoughts in her head, they were words in the song. She listened closely for the first time.

…_Her eyes the color of an ocean_

_I see as clearly as day_

_Who knew that heart's desire_

_Could make me fall an easy prey_

_Her eyes, ones color of an ocean,_

_They mesmerize me every day_

_I long for her complete devotion_

_The moment our hearts as one lay. _

Haruka furrowed her brow and hit the re-play on her iPod. She listened to it a few more times, until there was no doubt in her mind. The song was written for Michiru. She spent the remainder of her four-hour drive analyzing all the other songs Paradigm came out with over the years. By the time she got to Rome, Haruka knew exactly what Michiru did to get herself banished from Paradigm's family.

**x x x**

Michiru wrapped up her last recording session in Rome at quarter to five. She thanked her crew and left the small studio, hoping that she still had time to change before Haruka picked her up. Her hope vanished as she spotted the red car parked down the street from her hotel. Michiru briskly walked up the street and into the familiar lobby. She grabbed the key from the concierge and entered the waiting room. The racer sat in a chair with a magazine held firmly in front of her face.

"I thought you didn't like reading periodicals."

Haruka closed the magazine and showed Michiru the cover. "It's a racing magazine. I know when they lie."

Michiru smiled. "I just need a few minutes to change." She noticed Haruka throwing careful sideways glances. "Would you like to wait upstairs… away from your fans?"

Haruka looked into the ocean blues and jumped to her feet. "Yes, very much so."

They made their way upstairs and Michiru opened the door. "There's wine by the fireplace, feel free to have some."

Haruka nodded and watched Michiru disappear in the bathroom with clothes she prepared earlier. The blonde looked around the room. It was neat, with very few indications that someone occupied it for a while. Not finding anything of interest, Haruka settled in a chair next to the fireplace. Her eyes lingered over an untouched bottle of wine next to an empty one. Two dirty glasses completed the arrangement. Haruka wondered who the second glass belonged to, but she did not know how to ask. Her thoughts were interrupted by violinist's appearance. Michiru was dressed in a simple black dress, her hair fell freely over her shoulders, brushed to its perfection.

"Ready?"

"Yep." Michiru slipped a pair of black sandals on and grabbed a small purse. They walked down a few blocks to the restaurant where Haruka made reservations. As they placed their orders, Haruka's eyes lingered on the blue ones across the table. Michiru smiled, a bit uncomfortable with the attention. "What?"

"When did you leave Alan?"

She looked away, hiding her pained eyes. "It will be a year next month."

Haruka studied the suddenly shy woman in front of her. "I'm sorry."

"How did you know?"

"'I Sea'… it made me think of you and then I realized that it was written for you. Then I listened to the rest of Paradigm's songs. Alan Carey is the song writer, right?"

"Right."

"He loves you very much."

Michiru was still studying the pattern of the tiled floor to the side of the table. "I know."

"Why did you leave him?"

"It's personal, Haruka."

"I think it's only fair."

Michiru sighed and set her elbow on the table, supporting her chin with her hand. "Our relationship just… ran its course. I felt like he became a friend, the connection morphed. I didn't think it was fair to keep on going, so I left."

"You gave up." Haruka finally got an angry glance for her comment.

"No, I let him go."

Haruka watched her closely. "I listened to his newest songs, he didn't let go of you yet."

"Why does it matter, Haruka?"

"I need to know if you really have let go."

Michiru looked at the dark gray eyes. "That's what bothers you the most in this whole situation? Haruka, Alan is a man."

"I noticed." She watched Michiru raise her eyebrows pointedly. "And?"

"And people don't turn gay overnight."

"Are you trying to turn gay overnight?"

Michiru opened her mouth and closed it like a fish. "Isn't that what you want me to be?"

"No. I want you to be yourself. Without any labels, without any standards, without any stereotypes. Just be who you are, go with what you feel is right."

Michiru openly stared at the racer. "How does that benefit you?"

Haruka shook her head irritably. "Why does it have to benefit me? Do you think that just because I'm attracted to you, my only goal is to get in your panties and make you mine?" The recollection that Haruka already did that crept into her mind and she blushed slightly. "Life isn't all about sex, Michiru. There are other far more important considerations and different degrees of relationships. You know that I am attracted to you, you know that I won't just walk away with my tail between my legs, but it doesn't mean that I'm going to force you into anything you don't want. You need to figure yourself out, I understand that. That's why I offered to take this one step at a time. You can always stop me. But if you still have feelings for Alan, that's a different story. I don't want to get burned on a prolonged breakup and an unconventional rebound."

"You sound like Max."

"Excuse me?"

Michiru shook her head, smiling at the corner of her mouth. "You sound exactly like her, except for the whole being attracted to me part."

Haruka cocked an eyebrow. "What did you do to get that lecture from her?"

Michiru blushed and looked away. Haruka shook her head, but the arrival of the food prevented her from following the trail of thought. They enjoyed their meal in relative silence.

"I'm leaving for Japan tomorrow." Michiru set her fork on the empty plate.

Haruka nodded. She handed her card to the waiter, without looking at the bill, and put her napkin on the table. "What do you want to do tonight?"

Michiru shrugged. "Maybe we can just go for a long walk?"

Haruka looked under the table. "Right, let's just make sure that it's in a big circle around your hotel so that I don't have to carry you there."

Michiru laughed and traced one of her stiletto heels up Haruka's calf, against her dress pants. "Come on, you know you like them."

Haruka bit on her lip and looked away momentarily before looking back at her date. "Are you always such a tease?"

Michiru returned her foot back to its original position and blushed. "I'm sorry. I don't always think before I do things."

Haruka smiled. "I think that's something we have in common."

**x x x**

They walked the streets of Rome, talking about different cultures and different places. An hour later they found themselves in front of Michiru's hotel. She looked through the entrance and then at the blonde. "How about a glass of wine?"

Haruka smiled mockingly. "Yes, I'd love one for the road."

Michiru looked at her watch. It was just past nine. "How long is your drive?"

"Close to four hours."

Michiru put a strand of her hair behind her ear. "Why don't you stay here?"

Haruka did not realize her eyebrows could go as high on her forehead as they did. "Here?"

"In Rome, for the night."

"Michiru, I can drive for four hours, it's not a problem."

Michiru looked at her shoes. They were very attractive. "I don't want you to go."

Haruka tipped Michiru's head up with her index finger. "Then you should've just said so."

Michiru smiled and turned around, followed inside the hotel by Haruka. They came back up to the room and Michiru kicked off her shoes with satisfaction. She grabbed the glasses and quickly washed them in the bathroom sink. Haruka opened the wine while Michiru was gone, and after it was poured they both sat in the two chairs by the fireplace. Haruka set her glass on the table and moved her chair opposite to Michiru's.

"Give them here."

"Huh?" Michiru looked at Haruka's gesturing hand.

"Your feet, put them in my lap."

She did as she was told and soon melted into her chair as magical fingers massaged her toes and worked tiredness out of her soles. She sipped on her wine with her eyes closed, enjoying the bliss.

"I think I can do this forever." Michiru admitted.

Haruka chuckled, sipped on her wine and switched to another foot. As she watched the violinist finish her wine and dip her head on the back of the chair, Haruka's eyes roamed the slender body. From the long neck, down to the well-defined chest, hour-glass narrowness of the waist, long toned legs, and small feet that Haruka held in her hands. Those hands, of their own volition, traced the sides of Michiru's calves with open palms. Then, Haruka set Michiru's legs back down and moved her chair closer, so that only her knees fit in the distance between the two, inside Michiru's thighs. Her open palms returned to Michiru's legs, this time tracing the outside of her thighs, bringing the hem a little higher as the palms made their way up Michiru's body, up to her waist. Haruka tightened her hands around Michiru's waist and brought the violinist in her lap with a smooth but forceful motion. Their faces inches apart, Haruka's hands returned to caressing the thighs that now spread out on the sides of the chair.

She saw the desire build up inside the smaller woman, saw her eyes cloud slightly. Haruka lowered her head and kissed the violinist, giving her an opportunity to pull back. Michiru closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around Haruka's neck. Her taste was already so familiar, her kiss so desired, Michiru let the uncertainties slip away from her mind and just concentrated on what she was feeling. Haruka deepened the kiss and Michiru responded in kind. She felt the palms close around her naked thighs and then slide gently alongside the inside of her legs. Thumbs momentarily brushed against her moist underwear and Michiru instinctively arched her back, bringing her cleavage in Haruka's full view.

Haruka brought her hands up to the well-rounded shoulders and let the straps of Michiru's dress slip down. Her skillful thumbs dragged the top down, revealing Michiru's breasts, void of any bra. Her mouth kissed the fine jaw, down the neck and to the full mounds. Haruka caressed one breast as she suckled on the other. Michiru's fingers pulled on the hair at the back of Haruka's head as her own head dipped back and her hips moved closer to Haruka's.

Haruka brought her hands under Michiru's butt and put her back on the edge of the other chair. Michiru instinctively held on to the wooden arms, steadying herself. Haruka threw her a quick glance as she stood up on her knees and kissed Michiru's mouth again. Her hands caressed the insides of Michiru's thighs and soon her lips joined her hands. Michiru opened her eyes wide as she felt the smooth tongue glide up the inside of her thigh and fingers move the fabric of her thong to the side. She inhaled sharply as the tip of Haruka's tongue touched her aroused bud and her fingers held tighter to the wood.

Holding the underwear with one hand, Haruka brought the other to Michiru's breast, massaging the nipple at the same time as her mouth caressed the wet folds. Michiru felt the knot at the bottom of her stomach contract and was blinded by the intensity of her own orgasm. As the trembles of the smaller body subsided, Haruka replaced the thong and kissed the inside of Michiru's left thigh, looking up to the flustered violinist. Michiru turned away and Haruka smiled. She got up and brought Michiru to her feet as well, embracing her in a gentle hug.

Michiru hid her face in Haruka's shoulder, breathing in her scent. Haruka straightened up Michiru's dress and caressed her silky hair.

"This doesn't seem fair." Michiru finally whispered.

"Let me be the judge of that." Haruka kissed her on top of the head. "I'm going to go."

Michiru took a step back. "Why?"

"Because you need rest and I need a ride."

Michiru cupped her cheek and kissed Haruka on the lips, tasting herself in the kiss. "Stay with me."

"I don't think you're ready for me to stay with you, sweetie." Haruka received the cutest pout she has ever seen and felt herself yielding against her better judgment. "Okay, but then I need a shower." A very cold, extended shower.

Michiru smiled and trotted to her closet. "You can use my pajamas." She handed Haruka a tank top with matching cotton string-pants and pushed her to the bathroom.

She checked her e-mail to ensure that her flight was still leaving at nine in the morning, poured herself another glass of wine and undid the bed. She was sitting indian-style in another set of her pajamas, sipping on the wine when Haruka appeared from the bathroom. Michiru bit on her lower lip, but chuckled nonetheless.

"Yeah, very funny." Haruka looked down at the pants that were a bit short.

"Well, you can argue that they look like capris."

"I could, if you didn't start laughing." Haruka walked up and took the glass out of Michiru's hands. She gulped down the remainder and put the glass on the night stand. "Skooch."

"Which side of the bed do you usually sleep on?"

"All of them. I'm the queen of my bed." Haruka climbed in and pulled the blanket over her short pants. "I sleep on the side closer to the door."

Michiru lowered herself down. "So you like to dominate."

"Protect."

"That, or you want to have the nearest escape close to you, so that you can run and never look back."

Haruka smiled. "That's another possibility."

Michiru turned the light off and adjusted herself against the warm body. She closed her eyes and sighed, feeling completely relaxed, feeling like she regained something she missed. Her hand habitually landed on her body pillow's chest. Only this one had a breast. Michiru opened her eyes and blinked. "I'm sorry." She carefully moved her hand down to Haruka's rib cage.

Haruka bit the inside of her mouth, wondering again why she was so masochistic. She readjusted her arm under Michiru to wrap it around her shoulders and felt Michiru relax again. If only she could do the same. It was not so much the fact that her entire being was still burning with desire, it was the fact that she has never spent a night with another human being in her bed, other than her sister when they were kids. She may have been mischievous in many ways, but the burden of hiding who she was from the world prevented her from having this kind of an experience. She wondered if she would sleep at all.

**x x x**

The next thought Haruka had was that she has not slept so well in a long time. She opened her eyes before the first rays of sunlight, but she realized that she did not do so naturally. Her internal clock did not wake her up, it was the sound of the door opening. Haruka attempted to sit up in bed, but the smaller body half on top of her own brought her right back down. Michiru stirred from the unexpected movement and looked at Haruka without any comprehension. The lights above their heads came on and both blinked at the sudden brightness.

"Yes, yes, I know you hate it when I do that, but I brought you coffee." Anne's voice reached them from a few feet away.

"Yeah, I'll go for some coffee." Haruka forced out, bringing the blanket higher over her body with one hand and bringing the violinist back down on top of her with the other.

Anne turned to the bed, momentarily chagrined by the unfamiliar voice. Michiru's eyes met hers from the bed, where she was unsuccessfully trying to get out of Haruka's hold.

"Hey, I thought you were an early riser!" Michiru finally turned to the blonde underneath her, who used the moment to snuggle in.

"Give me coffee, then we can talk." Haruka responded with her eyes still closed.

Anne walked up to the bed, extending a large cup to Michiru, her expression as professional as always. "There you go, girls."

The unfamiliar voice finally penetrated her consciousness and Haruka's eyes flew open. She stared at the blonde woman she has never seen before and let go of Michiru.

"Haruka, this is my agent, Anne Dunn. Anne, Haruka Tenoh."

Haruka grabbed the cup and took a sip. "I see why you and Joe worked together. You share the same kind of notion that if you come with food, you can just barge into other people's living quarters."

Anne cocked a manicured eyebrow. "I've never had a problem with that before, or else I wouldn't have had a key." She walked back and grabbed her coffee, figuring that the lovers could share the one intended for Michiru. "Your flight is leaving in three hours, are you packed?"

"No, mother."

Anne nodded. "I'll be waiting for you downstairs. Goodbye, Miss Tenoh."

"Wait a second." Haruka shouted before the agent made her way out of the door. "What did you just say?"

"I said goodbye, Miss Tenoh. Don't worry, I'm a walking encyclopedia of secrets I don't share. Yours is safe with me. Just watch your backs when the two of you are in public. You make quite an attractive couple, the vultures will be all over you."

Both younger women stared at the door that closed gradually with a click.

"Are we a couple?" Haruka mumbled.

Michiru looked around the suite and her eyes settled back on the two of them in bed. "At what point to you graduate from a one-night-stand, if even, to a couple?"

"You're going to Japan."

"You'll be in Australia."

"Then Malaysia, China, Spain, Monaco, Turkey, Canada, UK, Germany, Belgium, back here, Japan, and Brazil. I may have missed a couple of places too. Even if we were seeing each other, I'll be mostly busy through the middle of November."

"My year never ends." Michiru felt a hand sneak up her spine and wrap her hair around a fist. Haruka pulled Michiru's head down and kissed her.

"We'll find a way to be whatever it is we are. Just keep your phone number the same." She kissed the willing mouth again and disappeared in the bathroom.

Michiru finished the coffee and prepared the clothes she was going to wear on her trip. Once Haruka was out of the bathroom, Michiru gave her another peck and closed the door. When she came out twenty minutes later, the room was empty. A piece of paper was placed on top of her phone. Michiru picked it up.

_I don't let go easily_

_I don't do well with farewells either_

_Until next we meet_

_Your Haruka_

Michiru traced her index finger over the word 'your' and smiled. She had no idea where this relationship would lead, she was still tangled up in semantics, but she was upset when she found the room empty and she felt instantly better when she saw that one simple word. She folded the piece of paper and put it in her purse.

**x x x**

_In the beginning our relationship was characterized by certain steadiness, a slow progression. We didn't have the luxury of seeing each other on a permanent basis, having 'normally' developing relationship. Instead, we would surprise each other with unexpected visits as we toured the world. Balancing the desire not to jump over our own heads and at the same time get the most out of those rare meetings has always been a challenge. Eventually we simply became daring._

**x x x**

**When you catch a plane after having put in a fourteen-hour day at work to travel to another country or another continent, it's not just to screw someone's brains out. On the other hand, you get used to a certain rush when you do it. You feel like you're a molecule that doesn't travel the same path as all the other neighboring molecules. When you break the monotony of your schedule and do something rash like that, you step out of your own path. You feel… like rules don't apply to you in that moment, even your own rules. When you hop places like that, you're disconnected from the social norms, you don't even think about them. All you care about is that person you sacrificed your sleep to see and the high that person gives you to keep on going. It was the most exhausting spring in my entire life and it made me feel like I was alive… like I have never been before.**


	17. CH 16

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Haruka and Michiru's characters, they belong to Naoko Takeuchi. All other characters and this story belong to me. This story is fictional. Any references to real life companies, places and events are weaved into a web of fiction and do not have any connection with reality.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**AN:** What can I say, I love reading your reviews, so I felt like posting it :)

_**petiyaka:**_ make sure you pay your water bill, more stuff coming ;)

_**Mm-Burnt-Toast-mM:**_ I wanted to give it a realistically slow start and then just jump into it. So this chapter and the next are doing just that: diving into the folds of a relationship, while later they will start dealing with all the drama that I've been setting up for 16 chapters.

_**Tenoh and Kaioh: **_Now, you wanna make a bet? I can bet you that neither you nor I will see Michiru in real life :( Chipotle or TGIF, Tim Hortons or Starbucks… too bad

_**SeraEris:**_ your wish is my command. Although I think I've already used this phrase before. Yeah, I intentionally put the 'and some other places I may have forgotten' because I knew exactly what I was missing, but didn't feel like writing a paragraph of just that. In any case, I do think it's fitting for the scene… you're pondering on the status of your relationship, it's only natural to forget less important things… like your own schedule :)

_**qwerty: **_better get that vaccination while it's not to late ;)

_**lostinhersong: **_Hey, I'd live in Canada anyday myself… Like Toronto… too bad I'm not. I was just passing through, which makes it so much random and better :)

_**imjce:**_ See, I knew you had beef with agents :) So you'll shine your Uranus planetary symbol like BumbleBee? You know, in the middle of the empty industrial yard, up into the sky… Better yet, climb on top of the CN Tower, maybe then I'll be able to see it from here :) See, if it was you, you would've known you didn't wear jeans :) I've also written a couple on the iPad, even got quite used to it, but then I started typing on my laptop and kept double-clicking the space bar for the period and it would never come. So frustrating… I gave up and went back to the conventional methods… I am mad, don't you know that yet?

_**Fusionmix**_: Yeah, I have no idea how one gets hired by Ferrari realistically and to be honest I didn't feel like getting into that, so I used the power of fiction… i.e. bullshit your way through something and hope people don't question it because it is fiction. I hope that works for my test next week better than it did here. Anyhow, Max and Alan are back! Oh, there's some comedy fun coming up with the two of them… more so in the next chapter, a little here. I think Amanda would be the "I'm gay throughout college" gal, unless I decide to do something bad to Joe later… I haven't decided yet. Alan will be fine. Trust me. Although his heartbreak is far from over.

I think this is an **"M" **rated chapter for the lemon, again.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**Chapter 16**

"_Disbanding?"_

"_Recipe for Disaster"_

"_The True Story Behind Paradigm"_

**x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x **

_The first time age came into my consideration was the day I turned 25. It wasn't that I felt old or anything, it was just the realization that I have lived for a quarter of a century. What did I do to celebrate it? I gave a concert in my hometown. All those dreams of coming back as a star and not an outcast came true. Usually I play with my eyes closed for most of the performance. That time, I watched every member of the audience like a hawk. It was fascinating to me because I noticed how people changed over time. It was seven years after I graduated high school. Girls that were popular and cocky in school were married with kids, by their husbands' side. Compared to me, they achieved nothing. Sadly, they were the ones who made my life living hell way back when. _

_I could have been one of them and there's nothing wrong with that. I'm just not. I was an outcast then and I'm not a part of their crowd now. If I opened a new chapter of my life when I came to study in New York, I closed it that day, a week after I came to Japan on my second official tour._

**x x x**

Michiru mingled among people she knew all her life and who all of a sudden wanted to be her friends. Once she thought that she wanted that. She used to want them to be interested in her, to be kind to her. Now, she realized how vain it was and how they really still did not care about her, they just cared about her fame. The bright light over the evening she awaited for years became dimmer with every passing hour.

She walked outside of the hall where the banquet in her name was held and enjoyed the view of the hills around. Chinese lanterns illuminated the small garden where other people stepped out to catch a breath of fresh air as well. Michiru sighed, wrapping her arms around herself, she forgot how cold it could be in the mountains in March. She forgot how lonely one could feel in a crowd of people when they did not belong.

Michiru almost jumped when a jacket was placed over her bare shoulders and lips brushed against her earlobe.

"Are you trying to get sick?"

"Are you trying to give me a heart attack?" She held on to her chest with one hand. "What are you doing here?"

"It's your birthday, Mich. We didn't want you to celebrate alone." Alan smiled and waved his head at Max, who stood a few feet away, shaking her head.

"Happy Birthday, darling. I'll be your chaperone for the night." Max gave Michiru a hug and threw Alan a warning glance over violinist's shoulder.

Michiru was at a loss. She was very touched by the fact that the two of them made an effort to come all the way to Japan, find her all the way in her home town, but she did not particularly welcome Alan's presence on the anniversary of their breakup.

"You didn't have to come all the way out here, guys." She nevertheless smiled genuinely at them.

It felt oddly familiar to return inside the building and spend the last few hours of the celebration with her best friend and her husband by her side. Alan did not do anything to upset her and without the uncomfortable tension they just slipped back into something similar to a comfortable routine. Alan's hand rested on the low of her back, he was protectively by her side and he made her laugh. That night he was all the things she loved about him and Michiru felt sadness overcome her. Sadness about the end of the relationship that ran its course.

Her parents retired early, but not before getting assurances from Michiru that she would arrange for Max to stay at the inn. She was yet to tell them that her and Alan broke up. She had no idea how to do so now that he showed up in town on her birthday and they acted so civilly.

The three of them made their way to the inn and Michiru set both of them up with a room. She bid them goodnight and walked to the back end of the building, where her own room was. Michiru kicked off her shoes and flipped the lights on. She was unzipping her gown when she noticed something on her bed. There was a leather jacket with a black helmet on top. A note lay next to the helmet.

_Meet me on the south side of the Inn_

Michiru rubbed her eyes to make sure that they were not playing tricks on her, that she was not imagining the small note with an all too-familiar handwriting. The note was still there. Michiru stripped out of her dress and changed into more comfortable clothes. She put on a pair of flat shoes, jeans and a turtleneck, then slipped into the jacket. It fit her like a glove. She grabbed the helmet, flipped the switch and tiptoed past her parents' bedroom, something she never did when she was a teenager. Michiru smiled to herself and got outside through the nearest exit. By the tree line a dark figure leaned against a black menacing-looking bike. Michiru trotted in the shade and came face to face with the blonde who pulled off her helmet.

"Wh-" Michiru never finished her excited question as she was pulled against the leather-clad body and her mouth was crushed. Michiru's hand slid up and down the soft leather, taking in the feminine form that was not hidden. She still did not know how Haruka managed to look flat in her public form, it was something she would have to see. Michiru tentatively slid her hand on top of Haruka's breast and felt the racer react instantly. Michiru broke the kiss and smiled smugly. "I think I like this game."

Haruka cocked an eyebrow and took the helmet out from underneath Michiru's arm. "I'll take this smirk off of your face." She placed the helmet on top of aqua head, then picked up her own from where it landed by her feet. "Hop on."

Michiru sat behind Haruka and the blonde pushed the bike a bit down the hill without starting it. There was no need to wake up the whole inn. Once they were a good distance away, she brought the machine to life and they sped into the night.

**x x x**

"'Michi-chan, breakfast is ready and your friend is already up.'"

Michiru opened her eyes as her mother's soft words came from behind the door. "'Arigato, Okaa-san. I'll be there in a minute.'"

Haruka stirred underneath Michiru and then almost jumped up. "Shit, what time is it?"

"Probably around six. That's when I usually get up when I'm at the inn."

Haruka threw her legs over the side of the low bed and rubbed her temples. Michiru hugged her from behind. "I told you not to ride until three in the morning."

"I wanted to see the sights."

"You wanted me to hold on to you." Michiru circled her arms around the waist. "Like that."

"Michi, you sleep on top of me. If I wanted you to be close in that sense, I would've waited for you here, not outside. I wanted to see where you're from."

"Then stay for the day, I'll show you around."

As enticing as that sounded, it was out of the question. "I don't think I'm ready to meet your family or your ex. Not to mention that my gender is as clear as a day in this attire."

Michiru sat back. "You know that Alan is here?" Michiru watched Haruka nod. "And you still came?"

"You said that you didn't feel anything for him anymore, right?"

"No, not romantically."

"Then why wouldn't I? I think I have a right to be with you on your birthday." Haruka smiled and turned around, bringing the nude violinist down on her back. She covered her body with butterfly kisses, then got up. "You should sneak me out before anyone comes back to look for you."

Michiru nodded, watching Haruka put her pants back on. She admired her body. Michiru did not know if it was just sexual admiration, it may have been the fact that it was so perfect it somewhat made her envious. She almost wished she looked that way, only she was not willing to spend as much time working out as Haruka did. The blonde put her t-shirt and jacket on, slipped into her socks and shoes and grabbed her helmet.

"Michi." Haruka waved a hand in front of the entranced violinist. "Michi, you can't go outside naked."

Michiru blushed slightly and quickly put on some clothes. Haruka put her helmet on and gestured for the door. Michiru chuckled. "Do you really think someone will recognize you?"

"Are you kidding? Do you know how many fans I have in Japan? I'm really popular here, much more so than in the States."

Michiru shook her head and placed a kiss on the side of the helmet. She then opened the door, checked the hallway and led Haruka out. She stood by the door outside and watched Haruka quickly walk to her bike, straddle it and drive away with an angry roar of the engine. Michiru watched her disappear, already feeling loneliness creep in.

"You're a little deviant."

Michiru jumped up and put her hand over her racing heart. She turned to find Max standing a few feet behind her, with an unlit cigarette in her mouth.

"Jesus Christ, Max, you want to kill me?"

"Payback is a bitch." Max lit up and took a breath. "So I see you made up."

"We're exploring the possibilities."

"How's that going?"

Michiru turned crimson red and Max smiled from ear to ear. "So, yeah, now that I've seen her, I mean, body, can I really meet her?"

Michiru cocked an eyebrow back. "Should I be worried?"

"God no. Don't you know my taste by now?"

"Then?"

"I have a feeling we have some things in common."

Michiru's mouth curled up at the corner. "You have no idea."

"There you are."

They both turned to find Alan come up to them from around the corner.

"Your parents are waiting at the breakfast table and I have no idea how to communicate with them beyond hand gestures." He walked up to them. "Did you sleep well? You look tired."

Max turned away under the pretense of blowing out the smoke and hid her smile. Michiru bit her lower lip to avoid any of the recollections of last night from showing in her features. Sure she went for a very long ride all around the mountains, but she also spent an hour acquainting herself with Haruka's body. Something she did not find as scary or uncomfortable as she used to think.

"I slept fine, Alan. How about you?"

"Very well."

"Shall we?" Michiru walked back inside without another glance.

**x x x**

They sat on the cushions around the table, eating a traditional Japanese breakfast. Michiru tried to avoid all eye contacts and simply enjoy some peace.

"'How long will they be staying?'"

Michiru looked at her father. "'I think they will be leaving today.'"

"'You think? You should know your husband's plans better than that.'"

Michiru set her chopsticks down and took a shallow breath. "'We are getting a divorce.'"

"'What?'" Her parents looked at each other and then back at her. "'Michiru, marriage is not something you take lightly. We have told you that before and we will say it again. You have entered into a sacred union, promising to love this man until the very end. You made your choice.'"

"'And I'm making another one.'" She said quietly.

"'Michiru, whatever it is, you have to work it out.'" Her mother threw Alan a quick glance. "'Did he cheat on you?'"

"'What? No, no he didn't.'"

"'Then what possible reason do you have to leave him?'" Her father straightened his back.

"'I just don't feel the same way I used to.'"

Her father laughed and her mother chuckled. "'Of course you don't Michi-chan, that's normal. You have highs and lows in your marriage. Sometimes you struggle, but you work it out. It's not meant to be a life-long vacation.'"

"'I can't. I've tried and I can't. I care for him as a friend, nothing more.'"

"'You haven't tried enough. You jump to conclusions and make rash decisions. You went against our will and married him, you will not shame this family with a divorce.'" Her father got up and left the room.

Max and Alan watched him leave, patiently waiting to find out what was going on, but instinctively knowing what it was. Michiru's mother smiled at them apologetically then turned back to her daughter. "'He is here, he loves you. Unless there is a very good reason to lose that, you should reconsider.'"

"'I thought all you wanted for me was to be happy.'"

"'Hai, but will you be happy alone?'" Her mother watched Michiru study her plate. "'Are you in love with someone else, child?'"

Michiru shook her head. "'I wasn't when I left him. I left Alan a year ago, okaa-san. This is my third time seeing him since.'"

"'Yet he is here… but your heart is not.'"

Michiru shook her head, traitorous tears rolling slowly down her cheeks, hidden by her hair that fell to the sides of her face.

Michiru's mother got up and walked to her daughter. She placed a hand on top of her head and whispered: "'Make sure that you will never regret this.'"

Michiru nodded and felt her mother walk away. She wiped her tears and finally raised her head. Max, who was sitting to her side, grabbed her hand. "You okay?"

Michiru shook her head. "I'm sorry." She looked at Alan who was uncharacteristically quiet.

He was staring at the center of the table, unwilling and unable to accept her apology. To accept that it was really over.

**x x x**

Haruka boarded the plane back to Australia and relaxed in her first-class seat. Hopefully she would catch a few hours of sleep before she had to hit the gym. The time spent in the air seemed perfect for the cause. She closed her eyes and the image of Michiru instantly appeared behind her lids. She smiled, remembering all the 'relationships' she had through the years.

**x x x**

When she cleared the customs back in Italy, Joe was waiting for her on the other side.

"Feeling better?" He asked as they quickly made their way to the side of the room, where the chances of Haruka being recognized were smaller.

She readjusted her dark glasses under the baseball cap and nodded. "A little."

"I think I know how we can help the public image. Sort of ensure that no one is too curios to start looking where they shouldn't."

"Oh yeah and what is that?" They walked to the baggage claim area.

"We need to find Haruka Tenoh a date." He looked at her unsurely. "Who do you prefer, by the way?"

Haruka stared at him with sightly enlarged eyes, then looked away. "That is definitely none of your business. What do you mean find a date?"

"Someone who would accompany you to the events, you know, hang out with you around town. Few kisses here, moments holding hands there, and the media will proclaim that you're involved."

"How is that supposed to help me?"

"They think you have a girlfriend who refers to you as a 'he' and we don't have to worry half as hard about reality."

Haruka shook her head. "How do I know that you found someone in a week that I was away?"

Joe shrugged. "I didn't really. This whole thing either requires a lot of trust or a whole shitload of skill on your part." He looked at her again. "Can you act like a man towards a woman?"

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"Yeah, okay, so we're left with finding someone we can trust." He thought hard about the acquaintances they have met in their six months in Italy. "You've been hanging out with that stylist, what's her name… Nikki? Diana?"

"Dido." Haruka said slowly. "Dido Nicolo."

"Right, that's the one."

"Joe, I've been hanging out with her because she's dating a complete douche who's treating her like an inflatable doll."

"See, you already made the possibility of dating a woman pretending to be a man better!"

Haruka slapped him hard across his back. "Are you out of your freaking mind? Lower your voice and stop making obscene suggestions."

Joe grew serious. "It's not obscene, Haruka. Talk to her, she's the closest you have to a female friend. Tell her your story, maybe she'll help you."

"And if she doesn't? You want me to risk exposure for something that isn't even guaranteed to work?"

"How many times a day do you risk exposure as it is? Every freaking time you go to men's bathroom. Every time you change in the locker rooms. Every time you wear something that doesn't quite fit right. Do something to make people not pay attention, they will stop noticing you and start bothering more about who you're with."

"Wow, that's so reassuring." She grabbed her bag and walked out of the terminal.

**x x x**

"So, five months of text messaging and we never once had a dinner alone. Now this candlelight dinner in your apartment. What's going on, Haruka?"

Haruka eyed the brunette woman across the table. "I have a confession to make and a favor to ask."

"Let me guess, you will confess your love for me and ask me to leave my boyfriend, your rival racer, as a favor."

She said it with such a grimace that it made Haruka laugh. "No, but only half-way."

Dido cocked her eyebrow. "I'm listening."

"Can you promise me not to tell anyone what I tell you here?"

"I've told you the most intimate details of my relationship, what makes you think I can't keep a secret as well as you do?"

"My secret is worth money."

"Now that's just plain offensive. I'm not a traitor."

Haruka averted her eyes from the angry brown ones, then took a deep breath and looked back at Dido. "I'm a woman."

Dido nodded slowly, then her eyes went over every part of Haruka's body she could see.

"You don't seem shocked."

"I had my suspicions."

"What?"

Dido smiled. "I dress people for a living, honey. I generally see stuff like that, but you're too mirky. You don't have Adam's apple though."

Haruka's hand rubbed her neck. "No, I don't."

"You could do a lot better dressing a bit differently too. There are cuts that would help you hide your figure, make the use of your muscle and hide your femininity. I mean, there are things we can work on."

"That wasn't the favor I was going to ask."

"I'm sorry, Haruka, I don't date women. I tried it once and honestly found it boring."

Haruka tried to hide her smile, but failed. "I'm not asking you to sleep with me. Joe thinks that it would be good if I had a cover girlfriend. I don't have anyone I can trust with this info but you."

Dido smirked. "What am I supposed to do, hang off your arm at parties and proclaim to the world how awesome your pennis is?"

Haruka burst out laughing. "Something like that. Isn't that what you do anyway?"

Dido grimaced again. "I do occasionally get the benefit of the instrument."

"Please, spare me the details." Haruka grew serious. "In reality, you should've left the asshole a long time ago, why not do it under the pretense of dating me? I look better."

"And you're cockier, without the genitalia." Dido shook her head. "Fine, on two conditions."

"Okay."

"One, you hire me as your stylist and let me do my job, and two, I leave you whenever it's comfortable for me."

"About the first one?" Haruka shifted uncomfortably.

"Don't worry, I'll give you a reason to be even more arrogant." Dido smiled.

**x x x**

They cover-dated for over a year. When the media found out originally, it caused a stir because the tabloids proclaimed that Haruka stole Dido from her competitor. They listed many reasons, everything from Haruka having a knack for older women, to personal vengeance, to an elaborate plan to throw the other racer off of his game. Haruka was just happy that she did not have to watch her back as diligently as she used to before. She grew to really like Dido, more so in a professional and friendly sense than anything else, although, there was a moment when she considered making the relationship real. To her disappointment, Dido still insisted on being straight.

Spending a lot of time around Dido opened other opportunities for Haruka as well. Her stylist could do real-life miracles, including dressing the racer up as a woman in a way that no one would recognize her. The way her hair was cut, it was meant to look tousled and unkempt without product, but it could also be styled to the latest fashion. When volume appeared and her hair was pulled up one way or another, it did not look like belonging to the same person. Add to that some make up and going out clothes and Haruka was unrecognizable in daylight, which allowed her to go out without too much trouble at night. Those rare nights that she took off when Dido was in town, whatever town it happened to be around the world, Haruka was herself. Well, a more glamorous, cared for, and underdressed self. 'Dating' Dido for a year rubbed off on her, so the rather shy and distant girl from New York eventually felt comfortable walking in a club and striking a conversation with anyone who caught her eye. Sometimes those conversations led to other things.

Haruka did not lie to Michiru when she said that she did not see people, what she meant was that she did not date them. Over the years there was a number of cover-girlfriends that followed Dido. They were all strategically chosen and none of them lasted long enough to get suspicious. There would be flirting, which led to occasional making out, but as soon as it came too close to the danger zone, Haruka would pull the plug. She learned to do what Joe characterized as 'acting like a man.' What that meant in reality was that she met women as a man, she flirted with them as one and she never once made them suspect that she was a woman.

The result was two-fold, neither side of which was particularly to her liking. On one hand she got a reputation as one of the biggest playboys, on the other hand, there was quite a group of women who she used to 'date' who seemed to have a grudge against her for one reason or another. Haruka was so fed up with it in four years that she stopped all attempts. To her chagrin, the newsstands kept proclaiming that she was dating new people. She has not even met some of them. Others, she happened to rub shoulders with. It frustrated her so much, Haruka forbade Joe from even bringing it up.

Somewhat of a change occurred when Joe introduced Haruka to his latest girlfriend. Haruka has seen her around before, mostly at the red carpet movie events in Europe and Hollywood. It was not that the woman per se was different, it was that her attitude was different. She did not seem interested in Haruka in the same way that most people were. In fact, she never partook on the conversations Joe and Haruka had about racing, she was quiet around the racer and Haruka could not shake off the feeling that there was something Amanda associated her with. She just did not know what it was. In any event, Haruka made an attempt to stay out of their way, unless they attended the same events. At some point, Joe virtually volunteered Amanda as Haruka's escort. Put in an uncomfortable position by someone they both cared about, they had a truce. Since Amanda's relationship with Joe was too personal for her to put in public view, she agreed to act as Haruka's companion at the events they attended together. The media was just starting to pick up on the rumor when Michiru ran into Haruka. Literally.

Once she did, that changed everything. Amanda started talking to Haruka because of her concern for her former friend, Haruka no longer cared about being escorted, there was someone she was genuinely interested in. Then that someone found out the truth and still stayed by her side, despite all the odds.

Haruka shook her head, happy by the fact that she had Michiru, upset by the fact that her plane just touched down on another continent. She opened her eyes and stretched her tired body. The much needed sleep never came.

**x x x**

Haruka was surrounded by the press, her fellow drivers and the staff after the race. Her adrenalin was at its high, as it always was after she got out of the speedy beast, and she tried to get out of the line of questions as quickly as possible, so that she could disappear, hopefully, without being tackled by the fans she could hear scream over the barricade, on her way out. She finally slipped away from the group and found Joe in his regular spot, to the left of the entrance. He stood next to a woman clad in jeans, a relaxed top and a baseball cap that hid her hair. Haruka looked behind herself to make sure that the press was still occupied with her team members and competitors and walked briskly to the duo. She grabbed Michiru's waist and pulled her into a deep kiss, one that did not seem to have an end. Her hands of their own volition slipped under the top to find what she liked. Absence of a bra. Michiru's arms were wrapped tight around Haruka's neck; one of her hands held on to the cap, making sure that it did not fall off.

Joe squinted at the sudden flashlights and took a step to the side, covering the couple behind him. "Nothing here to see people, keep going." He turned to the two. "We need to get out of here. Jesus Christ, can you wait until you're not in public?"

Haruka pulled her hands out from underneath Michiru's top and straightened it back where it belonged, without letting go of her mouth. When a hand impatiently tapped her on the shoulder, she broke the kiss and saw Michiru turn around, avoiding any chance of being recognized. Michiru walked to the entrance to the building, followed by Haruka, who waved at the reporters without turning. Joe followed them muttering something under his breath. They walked through an empty hallway and Michiru turned into a small empty conference room. Haruka followed her in.

"Watch the door."

Joe halted in his tracks as the door closed in his face. He stared at it dumbly. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

Inside, Haruka pinned Michiru against the wall. She removed the light top and her hands were freely roaming the warm smaller body. Michiru opened her eyes enough to study the suit and smiled in satisfaction when she figured that it could be opened all the way down to Haruka's crotch in one motion. She parted the sides and her own hands slid across the tight top Haruka wore underneath, one that effectively flattened her chest. Michiru tried to put her hands under it and failed to so much as separate it from Haruka's skin.

"How do you breathe in that?"

"I don't." Haruka caught her lips again as her hands cupped Michiru's behind and brought her up to Haruka's eye level. Michiru wrapped her legs around Haruka's hips, grinding them together in the process. Michiru's stubborn fingers found the nipples underneath the tight contraption and she caressed them, pinching gently as she felt them harden. Haruka stifled her own sound and returned Michiru's ministrations with her mouth. Michiru arched her back to bring her breast closer to Haruka's mouth and their hips collided again. Feeling the burning desire, Michiru unwrapped her legs and stood on her own, sliding one of her hands down between Haruka's legs. Haruka returned to Michiru's mouth in a hungry kiss, then pulled away as she felt fingers slide against her burning core.

"Do you know what you're doing?" The fingers tightened around her desire, making Haruka inhale sharply.

"I'm a woman too, you know." Michiru answered, slipping her fingers inside the boy shorts.

Haruka bit on her lower lip as she unfastened Michiru's jeans and pulled them down, revealing a bright blue thong. "Nice color." She caressed the wet folds, feeling Michiru's hand shake as she reacted to the touch. "Despite you being a woman too, just feel free to follow me at any time." Her tongue slipped back into Michiru's mouth as her fingers slid inside Michiru's opening. Michiru's hand stilled for a moment, then she followed Haruka.

**x x x**

As they came out of the room some time later, nothing disheveled about their looks, they found Joe sitting on the floor across the hall. He got up to his feet and mumbled sourly: "You owe me big time for that one."

"You were the one who always wanted me to get a girlfriend."

"That was supposed to be for my peace of mind. It was supposed to take you off my hands, not make me stand guard for you while you're having sex." He shivered at that.

"Sorry, I haven't seen her in three weeks." Haruka tried to apologize without smiling.

"And I haven't seen my fiancée since the end of January!"

"You'll see her in Spain."

"That's in May, Haruka. And even when I do see her after prolonged absences, do you see me jump her?"

Haruka shrugged. "Maybe she is gay. Or maybe there's something wrong with your sexual appetite."

He stood dead in his tracks and faced her. "I can't believe you just fucking said that."

"Watch your language, there are ladies present."

"That was kind of mean, Haruka." Michiru tried to help Joe out, but he was beyond that.

"At least my girl isn't married to someone else." He walked away, leaving the two behind, staring at the empty hallway in front of them.

"Michiru?"

"Hmm?"

"What does he mean?"

"Alan and I. We got married after my second year in college."

Haruka turned her head to the violinist. "Why did you forget to mention that you were married?"

"I thought you knew."

"I don't read minds, Michiru."

"I thought you did that too. After all, you were the one who told me that pre-wedding doubts were normal."

**x x x**

**I found out she was married relatively early on. There was no gong and confetti over my head at that moment, no screaming and tears, it was just a fact of life. My finding out that she was still married was quite more dramatic.**

**I don't know. Did it matter? She was with me, we enjoyed each other's company, even if there was someone else before, it was in the past. No matter what status that person held or how close they were. Past is past. Things should stay in the past because they bring nothing but pain in the present. I wish that concept wasn't such a lucrative money-making machine. **


	18. CH 17

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Haruka and Michiru's characters, they belong to Naoko Takeuchi. All other characters and this story belong to me. This story is fictional. Any references to real life companies, places and events are weaved into a web of fiction and do not have any connection with reality.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**AN:** Ahh… so, posting from JFK at 4am in the morning… because I love you guys. No matter what you say, iPhone rocks :) Anywho, enjoy!

_**petiyaka:**_ I don't know if Michiru's father is Catholic, in my experience people that are traditional, no matter where in the world or what religion, have strong family values. Divorce doesn't go hand in hand with those. Although, I think I may have said earlier that Michiru was Catholic when her and Alan were getting married, so that would make her whole family Catholic and make this note a totally unnecessary ramble.

_**Tenoh and Kaioh: **_I applaud Haruka's desire to leave the past in the past. I wish we could all do that. She's not done with dealing with Michiru's past thought. Far from it.

_**SeraEris:**_ Hey, you're welcome :)

_**qwerty: **_better get that vaccination while it's not to late ;)

_**Mm-Burnt-Toast-mM: **_Michiru has grown up. That's why I spent ten chapters raising her :)

_**Newt Salamander:**_ :D You know how much I needed a back massage that day? If only a virtual back massage could relieve my pain… but still, thanks!

_**imjce**_: Thanks for the visual about the bus. I swear, I could smell the sweat. Something I sure don't miss about not living in a big city. Ahhh the pleasures of air conditioned car :) Okay, now what are the chances of you mentioning NC-17 the day after I watched "This Film is Not Yet Rated"? Hm? Weird. Anyway, you guys can start betting on how everyone finds out Haruka's gender and when. I'll take cash, PayPal or MoneyGram. Sorry, no checks, Mastercard, Visa, Discover, or American Express. What, no takers? Fine, be boring. Feel free to speculate though.

_**Jay:**_ hey, long time no hear! (Just giving you a hard time, thanks for dropping a good word :) )

_**YourDarkLover: **_Thanks! Hey, in two weeks I'll give you guys more surprises. Just bear with me.

_**Superb: **_Actually, I love reviews. I mean it. I thrive when I read them. Good or bad, even though I seem to get a lot more of the former than the latter… which is great, but constructive criticism is always welcome. Trust me, it's hard to offend me and if someone does… well, I'll find a shoulder to cry on and then will regroup and come back :) I am my worst critic anyway. Babbling again. Thank you so much for leaving the review! I'm glad that my descriptions make you feel like I'm writing from experience because as my profile says, fiction is a way for me to live a life I never would otherwise… my point is to make it believable to the point where you don't know what is coming from my experience and what is not :) I literally feel like I'm there when I write.

_**caty306: **_You're welcome! I don't think the story is ending yet, I have a few issues to deal with. Thanks for dropping a review, I appreciate it :)

_**nycarts: **_I sincerely appreciate your support of my independent writer spirit. Whatever bits and pieces come across as something my reviewers wished for are just coincidences. I finished the first 16 chapters while posting the first few. I knew I wouldn't be able to write, so I wrote enough to post once/twice a week until August. I review the chapters before I post them, but I haven't added anything to the story. I guess some of my moves are just that predictable. Or my readers are starting to catch up to my style. All my remarks of 'ask and you shall receive' are more sarcastic in nature than anything else. In any event, I really do appreciate the support and the reminder because we all tend to get off track or lost for one reason or the other. Sometimes we need someone to point us back to the path. Also, thank you for the well-thought through review. I appreciate that as well ;)

_**ilovemichiru25: **_yei! You finally made it! Now I can answer your reviews as you review… you are awesome. I appreciate your dedication :)

_**qwerty: **_I will have to read this story over just to know what's going on by the time I get back to writing! I hope you like this chapter. I had fun writing it last I remember.

_**Mantaray: **_What is the part of the world that is hot all year round for me? I'm always freezing, maybe I should move there :P Well, there are a few things from the past coming to shake Michiru and Haruka's relationship slightly :) Not too much drama though.

Enjoy…

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**Chapter 17**

"_Who is She?"_

"_The New Member"_

"_Friend or Foe?"_

**x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x **

A bead of sweat rolled down the taught stomach, away from the belly button. Haruka caught it with her index finger and traced it back up to where it came from.

"You should try and sleep."

"Sleep? That's so not in fashion."

"What will not be in fashion is you crashing at the party because of exhaustion."

"I can't fall asleep just like that, you know that."

"Then perhaps I should do something to utterly exhaust your being?"

Haruka raised her head from where it rested on Michiru's chest and looked at the teasing blue eyes. "And I thought I was the deviant of the two."

Michiru batted her eyelashes. "There's absolutely nothing abnormal about that statement."

"Your enthusiasm is abnormal."

"As compared to who?" Michiru raised her brow pointedly.

"How many times a night did you have sex with your husband?"

Michiru looked surprised. "Do you really want to know?"

Haruka furrowed her brow. "Not anymore." She shivered, trying to get rid of the visualization that suddenly appeared in her mind. "I'm gonna take a shower."

Michiru caught her wrist before Haruka made a single step away from the bed. "Hey, don't do this."

"Don't do what?"

"Don't hide from me."

Haruka gave her a reassuring smile. "I'm not. I really do want to take a shower."

A knock on the door interrupted Michiru's objection and Haruka used the moment to slip away. Michiru angrily grabbed the sheet and wrapped it around herself. "Who is it?"

"It's Amanda."

Michiru hesitated for a moment, but opened the door after she heard the water running in the shower. "Hi Amanda."

"Hi…" Amanda gave her a once-over. "… back. Do I even want to know what happened to you?"

Michiru blew away a strand of hair that fell in her face. "No, probably not."

"I was coming to talk, but if this isn't a good time… Maybe I should just come back later."

Michiru shrugged. "Come on in." She walked to a chair in the sitting room and took a seat. Amanda closed the door and sat down on the couch.

"So, what did you want to talk about?"

"What's wrong? Or are you always this edgy now?"

"What do you mean?"

"You're twisting and turning, tapping your foot then your fingers. What's up?"

Michiru's fingers stilled on the arm of the chair. "I only do this when I'm agitated. I don't have as much patience as I used to."

"What did I do to agitate you?"

"Who said it was you?" Michiru tightened the sheet and crossed her legs, relaxing her stiff body into the back of the chair. "So what did you want to talk about?"

"Us actually. I was wondering if we could start over. You may not think that way, but I really miss what you and I had, I miss our friendship. I can't connect with any of the people back in LA, I feel like everyone is out to get me and I don't have any real friends. I just have Joe."

"Maybe everyone is out to get you, I mean how many backs did you step on to get where you are?" Michiru saw the hurt expression enter Amanda's features and rubbed the bridge of her nose. "I'm sorry, that was uncalled for. To be honest with you, I have nothing against us trying to be friends again, I just don't know how to do it. I don't know if I can trust you."

"I've never lied to you."

"You hid your relationship with Max from me, you walked out on me when the two of you broke up. That's how you lost my trust. Until I gain it back, I can't have the same relationship we used to have, Amanda, no matter how much I may want to."

"What do you want me to do Michiru? How do you want me to prove it to you that I care, huh? I never told Haruka you were with Alan, not even when I was unaware that you left him. I haven't even told Joe anything about you, Paradigm, or the weird run-ins you had with the racer. I really care, how can I show it?"

"Try by keeping this a secret." Michiru felt Haruka sit on the arm of the chair behind her and kiss the top of her head. Amanda's mouth was open as she stared at the two. Haruka leaned in and whispered in Michiru's ear: "I wasn't running away from you, I just don't particularly like thinking of you with your ex, I prefer to think of you and I."

Haruka sat up straight and looked pointedly at the younger blonde. Amanda kept staring dumbly at Haruka's chest, clad in a yellow tank top. "You're a woman?"

"Born and raised."

Amanda turned to Michiru, who finally wiped the scowl off of her face. "You're sleeping with a woman?"

"Ironic, isn't it?"

Amanda swallowed. "But… I mean… How? Okay, I'm having some sort of a weird dream."

"Yes, the name of the dream is reality." Haruka offered, caressing Michiru's upper arm.

"Does Joe know?"

"Yes."

"And he didn't tell me?"

"You have loyalties to your friends, he has to his." Haruka reasoned. "Now, obviously this is something that can never get out of this room. So, you wanted something to show Michiru you care, you got it. Keep this a secret."

"You're taking one hell of a chance." Amanda finally got herself together.

Haruka shrugged. "What can I say, my girl needs her friends."

Michiru, touched by the quiet statement, turned around and brought Haruka's head down into a kiss. Haruka's mouth tasted of toothpaste and Michiru had the sudden urge to replace that taste with her own. Her tongue slipped inside Haruka's mouth as her hand held on to the back of Haruka's neck, keeping her in place.

"Okay, okay, I believe you, you can stop now."

Michiru cleared her throat. "Can we continue this conversation later? You're coming to the party, right?"

Amanda nodded to someone who looked like the friend she once had, but acted like someone she has never met before. "I'll see you there. I have a few images to get rid of before then."

They watched her leave the room, then returned to their favorite past time.

**x x x**

Their weekend in Barcelona at the beginning of May was the first one they spent as a couple. There was no incredible rush to get back to something, there was no sneaking around. Haruka was there for the Grand Prix, Michiru was in between concerts. They did not bother booking two rooms, their agents figured out the suite. Every morning Haruka was out to the circuit, Michiru watched her from the stands with everyone else. Haruka would get into the car afterwards and Michiru would be waiting in it already. They would have dinner and retreat to their room. Haruka declined Joe's invitation to work out together, claiming that Michiru was putting her through enough exercise as it was. The last priority on their list was sleep and they both were exhausted by the time the weekend came to its close, which culminated in the post race party.

It was a private event, one that hosted many celebrities interested in the sport, thus, disallowing reporters. It was perfect for Michiru to accompany Haruka. They arrived in a limo, together with Amanda and Joe, and made their way around. Michiru quickly noticed that it was impossible to make a step through the crowd of people already assembled without someone jumping in to greet Haruka. It quickly became rather overwhelming.

"I'm going to grab something to eat." Michiru whispered in Haruka's ear and the latter nodded in acknowledgement, without interrupting her conversation.

Michiru made her way around the room, checking the carving stations and foods displayed on a long Swedish table, then settled on a glass of champagne.

"You're the violinist, right?"

Michiru turned to find a tall woman with long chestnut hair looking at her. "Yes, Michiru Kaioh."

The woman smiled. "Celine Clais."

"Nice to meet you." Michiru felt like she has seen the woman before, but she could not place her.

"So, you're the flavor of the month?"

"Excuse me?" Michiru's initial hospitality towards her new acquaintance was quickly wearing off.

Celine leaned in. "Tenoh. He's good, but to him women are like racing tires."

"Speaking from experience?"

"We dated for a few months."

"Interesting. How was that for you?"

Celine shrugged a shoulder. "Oh you know, cocky in public, boring in bed."

"Really?"

Celine smiled wider. "I guess you didn't get there yet, you would've known what I mean."

Michiru was struggling between the fear that the woman was telling the truth and the suspicion that she was lying because she got burned. She finally gave Celine a smile as fake as the ones she herself received. "No, I found his technique quite satisfying."

"What technique?"

Michiru leaned in, all the while watching Celine's profile. "You know, when he makes you come by firing up both of the most sensitive spots at the same time." Michiru bit her lip as she saw Celine swallow and blink. Whoever she was, she had no idea that Haruka was a woman, let alone that Michiru was not exaggerating.

"Excuse me, I see someone I need to catch up with."

"Enjoy your evening." Michiru smiled genuinely in the woman's wake.

"Are you having fun?"

Michiru turned her head to find Haruka standing next to her. "Oh, you know, just fending off your exes."

"She's not my ex." Haruka followed Celine with her eyes. "She's just some model. A reporter snapped a picture of us talking and the tabloids proclaimed that we were dating."

"I see. Haruka?"

"Hmm?"

"We're in public."

"Yes, I know, we're at a party." Haruka sipped on her drink.

Michiru turned to her and whispered in her ear. "Honey, your hand is on my ass."

Haruka looked down and surely found her hand inside Michiru's dress that was conveniently open on the back, all the way to her lower back. Providing a perfect access to the body part Michiru mentioned.

"It's a nice ass." Haruka pointedly continued what she was doing.

Michiru looked over her shoulder and noticed a few people throwing them sideways glances. "Fine, you're the pervert, now can you stop ruining my reputation in public?"

Haruka pulled her hand out with an over exaggerated sigh. "But you're going away tomorrow."

"That doesn't excuse your behavior."

"I don't think I've ever been scolded by a girlfriend before."

"You've never had a girlfriend before."

They both turned to find Joe and Amanda.

"You know, for a friend, you sure don't know when to shut up." Haruka muttered.

"So, where are you going after this?" Amanda saw Michiru throw Haruka a glance and clarified. "Are you touring?"

"No, I'm going to UK to finish my second album."

Amanda nodded. "Then home?"

Michiru cocked her head to the side. "I don't have a home, Amanda."

"I'm sorry, I forgot. You're always welcome to come visit me."

"Thanks, I'll consider it. Hopefully there will be no more surprises in that house." She watched as Haruka and Joe simultaneously looked away. "I can't make any promises, though. I'm hoping to finish the album in a month, then I'm going to Canada."

Haruka's ears perked up. "I'll be in Canada."

Michiru smiled. "I know."

"What's in Canada for you?" Joe decided to take part in the conversation.

"I'm visiting a friend." Michiru watched Amanda and Haruka from her peripheral vision as she replied. "She'll be playing a set in Montreal, then I was going to hang out with her and her family for a while."

"Do they all still live together?"

"Of course. Although, that may change."

"How so?"

"We're thinking of buying a house somewhere, just the two of us."

Amanda cocked an eyebrow. "Why don't you just buy something on your own?"

"I don't like living alone, Amanda… and as much as I may enjoy my beduin style of living, I need to get my things out of storage and somewhere permanent."

"You put everything in storage in New York?"

Michiru nodded. "What else could I do with it? It's six years of my life."

"I don't know, three years of my life were packed pretty neatly in boxes. You may ask your _friend_ to help you out with that."

"Don't worry, I'm just as good with packing. It's the unpacking that's taking me a while." Michiru wondered at what point they switched from discussing literal things to symbolically talking about relationships, but it was something she missed. Amanda's 'discarguments.'

"Why don't you just bring it to one of my houses?"

Michiru came out of her thoughts and looked at Haruka, blinking. "One of your houses?"

"If you were to move in with someone, I'd much rather you moved in with me."

"Hallelujah." Joe dramatically looked up at the ceiling.

"Where do you even live?"

Haruka thought for a moment. "Well, it's a close tie between the house in Monza, my parents' house and Joe's."

Michiru flashed them with a brilliant smile. "I'll have my things shipped to California then."

"H-hold on a second… I never -" Joe stuttered nervously.

"Don't worry, I'm kidding." She entwined her hand with Haruka's. "Let me think about it."

**x x x**

The small auditorium was hot and stuffy. The four members of the band sat in the front row, a list of candidates in each of their laps. Rob wiped a bead of sweat off of his glistening forehead.

"You couldn't find anything with a functioning air conditioner?" He turned to Simon.

"Haven't I taught you anything? You've got to work to earn stuff, air conditioner included. When you get your asses out of the god damn mess you got yourselves in, you'll get your air conditioning." He gestured to Lindsey, who stood at the back of the stage. "Begin."

They sat through three hours of auditioning that soon turned into something closely resembling a private version of the American Idol. Simon, playing Simon, turned people away left and right, whether it was based on their absence of talent or absence of a particular look. Paradigm's members wondered why they were even there, roasting through the audition that they had no input in. Number sixty-eight on their list was a young woman named Kyle James and she stole the spotlight even before she opened her mouth.

She was not beautiful in a classical sense, but her charisma that went so in tune with her look attracted each of them instantly. She had shoulder-length red hair and alabaster-white skin covered in a pattern of freckles. She smiled at them and began to sing. Much like Mark's, her voice had a natural power to it. Anyone with a decent musical ear could have concluded that she could pull off any style of music exquisitely.

"She's the one." Alan said before Simon had a chance to open his mouth.

"Agreed. I can work with her voice." Mark added.

"I'm not convinced." Simon studied her more as Kyle finished singing. "Ms. James, was it?" He confirmed the list in his lap and saw her nod. "How do you feel about losing twenty pounds?"

"You're fucking kidding me, right?" Max got to her feet. "What is this, a runway contest? We're looking for talent, Simon, not looks." She turned to the girl. "That's not to say that there's anything wrong with your looks, you're very attractive as you are."

"Wake up call, we're in the business of image making."

Max walked up to the man and looked down on him, something she enjoyed greatly. "Work with it. After all, you're good at molding people into whatever you want them to be."

"I haven't heard you complain." He gave her attire a pointed look.

"That's because I have manners." She turned to the band. "Everyone in favor of ending this farce and signing up Kyle say 'I'." She got three 'Is' in addition to her own. "Looks like our manager has some publicity to deal with."

**x x x**

After the technicalities were taken care of, Paradigm, now officially composed of five members, settled back in an all too familiar practice room. After all, it was the same room where they started. Mark was clean since he got back to New York in January and all seemed to go well. They re-worked some of the old songs, practiced some of the new ones and prepared for the first series of engagements in the past six months. Most of their fans seemed to be forgiving and gradually their popularity climbed closer to its former height.

**x x x**

They managed to see each other twice before both came to Montreal in the middle of June. Michiru wanted to surprise Max, who was playing a set that Friday and then just stay with her for a week. She felt that with the turmoil surrounding Paradigm Max may have needed it. For the second time Haruka and Michiru were booked in the same hotel, except that neither of their agents were there to disturb them.

Max was playing at the Bell Centre with a few of her fellow deejays that night. Haruka and Michiru made their way in two hours after the party officially started.

"I'd say she's doing better than Paradigm." Haruka commented as she looked around. "There are thousands of people in here."

"What do you want, if even you are a fan?"

Haruka shrugged. They made their way to the bar and ordered drinks, then slowly got closer to the stage. As they danced, Michiru could not help but remember how she went out with Max, all these years ago. Dancing with Haruka was reminiscent of that, only there was no uncomfortable feeling. Quite the opposite. As their bodies moved in tune, she felt like they were making love in their clothes. Well, at least Haruka was, she wore jeans and a short-sleeved shirt. Michiru, on the other hand, was wearing a top consisting of a piece of shimmering fabric in the front, tied to her neck and back by a couple of dangerously thin strings. Her low-rise black pants also left virtually nothing to the imagination.

"I'm gonna go get refills. Stay here."

Michiru felt the sudden void as Haruka walked away. She watched her disappear in the crowd and wondered why she didn't simply go with her. A pair of hands grabbed the exposed sides of her waist and brought her flush with a male body.

"I knew you'd come back to me."

Michiru took a step forward, slipping out of the grip and turned to face Alan. "Are you out of your god damn mind? How is this me coming back to you?"

He looked around. "Well, what else do you call me running into you here? It's fate."

"No, it's a coincidence. Besides, I'm here with someone."

"Sure you are, like you were back in LA. Come on, Mich, I know you better than that."

"She is here with someone. That would be me."

Alan looked over her shoulder to see a familiar face. As she watched him closely, Michiru for the first time noticed that he was slightly swaying back and forth. "Alan, are you drunk?"

"Aye, I am." He stepped around her, extending his hand.

"Alan Carey."

Haruka handed Michiru's glass to her and shook his hand. "Haruka Tenoh."

"Yeah, I know." Alan withdrew his hand. "You're my brother's idol. I want to thank you for that, if he wasn't obsessed with you, he would've still waited tables at the pub."

Even in his drunken state Alan figured out what was going on. He saw Michiru look at Haruka. He knew that look, she used to look at him like that in the past. Alan patted the racer on the shoulder. "So that's for my brother." Neither woman had a chance to so much as move as Alan withdrew his hand again, this time returning it in a closed fist. "And this is for screwing my wife!"

"Haruka!" Michiru dropped her plastic cup to the floor as she launched forward to Haruka, who tripped and fell backwards as a result of the unexpected punch, topped by Alan. Haruka was not sure if lights were blinking faster than they were a second ago or if those were stars, but she did feel the unmistakable effect of a punch in her jaw.

"Get the fuck off me." She yelled over the loud music, only to find that Alan passed out on top of her. She threw his body to the side and got up to her feet in the middle of a small circle that formed around them.

Michiru was crouching in front of Alan, trying to bring him back to his senses. Haruka walked up to her and grabbed her arm. "Let's go."

Michiru looked at her, then turned back to Alan. "I'm not leaving him here."

"He's probably here with his bandmates. The security will take care of him."

"I can't leave him like that, Haruka."

"Why?" Haruka tightened her grip. "Because he's still your husband?"

"Yes!" Michiru yanked her arm out of Haruka's grip and tried to get Alan up to his feet.

Haruka stepped away, mumbling a long string of curses and taming her temper, then walked back to the spouses and helped Michiru get barely conscious Alan back to his feet. They held him on each side and made their way to the nearest exit.

"Where are you taking him?"

"To the hotel room."

"To our hotel room?" Haruka almost dropped him as she attempted to look in MIchiru's face.

"I don't know where he's staying and between the Grand Prix and the dance festival most hotels are booked." Michiru sobbed. "What would you have me do?"

"Leave his drunken ass where it belongs?" Haruka stood still, fighting the desire to literally drop Alan's sorry ass to the ground, grab her girlfriend and jump in the approaching taxi.

"Would you want someone to do that to you?"

"No, I'd much prefer waking up in a room occupied by my WIFE and her GIRLFRIEND."

Michiru did not respond as she opened the door of a cab that stopped in front of them and they forced Alan inside. Thirty exhausting minutes of angry silence later they finally got him to their suite and dropped him on the couch. Haruka towered over him, holding a towel with ice against her jaw and studying the man Michiru spent five years with. He was her complete opposite. He had dark hair and he was a man.

She turned to the violinist who was busily dialing a number on her phone. "Michiru, are you still married to him?"

"Yes." She turned away and walked to her suitcase, looking for something more comfortable to wear. Max's phone went into voicemail. "Max, this is Mich, call me as soon as you can." She hang up the pone and turned to find Haruka standing right behind her.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Why does it matter?"

"Why wouldn't it matter?"

"You knew I was married to him, what does it matter that he hasn't signed the divorce papers yet?"

"It matters because it makes you his wife and never once have you mentioned that I was sleeping with a married woman." Haruka grabbed her jacket from a chair.

"Where are you going?"

"For a walk."

"Haruka, don't do this."

Haruka turned back to look at her lover, then at her husband passed out on the couch. "I can't deal with this shit just like that. I need to clear my head."

"You're running away."

"Sue me."

Michiru watched as the door closed behind Haruka and the suite got silent. She was mad at Alan for being there, she was mad at Alan for not signing the papers, and she was mad at herself for letting Haruka walk out like that.

Michiru was still bathing in her misery when Max called an hour later. "Hey, I'm sorry to drop like snow on your head in the middle of June, but can you come over?" She gave Max the address and hang up. She checked her e-mail and her text messages. Neither had anything from Haruka. Michiru wrapped her arms around her torso clad in a simple shirt that she changed into and sat down on the floor, across from the couch. Alan did not seem to get any closer to waking up. She studied his features, noting all the little changes that occurred in time and feeling worse and worse about the situation with every passing minute.

A soft knock on the door alerted Michiru to Max's arrival. She wiped away her tears and opened the door.

"Hi sweetie." Max furrowed her brow at Michiru's disheveled state and hugged her. "What's up?"

Michiru walked inside and gestured to the couch. Max shook her head. "Where did you find him?"

"I wanted to surprise you at the Centre. We ran into each other there."

Max nodded slowly, noting a single tear that rolled down Michiru's cheek. "Where's your girlfriend?"

"I don't know. She said she needed to clear her head."

"You didn't tell her you were married?"

"Not quite."

Max grabbed Michiru's hand and pulled her to the adjacent room. "Come on, it will do you no good to watch him now." She walked to a lounger that sat by the window across from the bed and took a seat, bringing Michiru in her lap. "Look at the bright side. Now you can clear things up, get your divorce and move on with your life."

Michiru buried her face in the space between Max's neck and her shoulder and sobbed. "I don't want to hurt them. I don't like hurting people, Max. Why do I keep doing it?"

Max gently stroked through the long strands of aqua hair. "It's not your fault. You can't change how you feel. You fall in love, then you fall out of love. It's the nature of life. You can't sacrifice yourself to make other people happy."

"Then maybe it isn't love. Aren't people supposed to love each other for the rest of their lives?"

"I don't know, Mich. All I know is that people change and if the person you fell in love with doesn't change with you, the connection is broken. You can't blame yourself for that. It's been over a year, you did your best to shield him from any more pain, but you're not his babysitter. You're not his family. Not anymore."

Michiru's cries broke free, muffled by the flesh underneath her face. She clutched to her friend's back, as though she was trying to hold on to a lifeline. "I don't want to lose her, Max."

"Why would you lose her?"

"I don't know. I just don't want to. I don't want to be alone. I feel miserable alone. It used to be okay before I felt loved, before I had someone close. Now that I know how it is to have someone in your life, I don't want to be alone."

"Sweetie, you'll never be alone… and if you find yourself that way, you can always come back to me."

Michiru held her breath, wondering if she misunderstood.

"That won't be necessary."

They both looked up at the blonde standing in the opening. Michiru wiped her tears and Max's hands dropped down to her waist.

"I'll be damned." Max finally forced out. She gave the racer a head-to-toe assessment, but in her jeans, shirt and jacket Haruka looked like she did in any of the televised races, any of the pictures of her in the magazines. Her hands in the pockets, she just watched the two.

"Haruka - Max, Max - Haruka." Michiru finally said as she wiped her wet hands on her sweatpants.

Max picked Michiru up and set her back on the lounger as she herself got up, extending her hand. "Nice to finally meet you."

Haruka looked at Max's hand, then slowly pulled her own out of the pocket. Their handshake was a bit stronger than necessary, their eyes locked.

Haruka let go first. "Since you got your support system, I'll be in the shower." She walked to the opposite side of the room and disappeared behind the door.

"First fight?" Max watched Michiru nod. "Don't worry, it'll all be worth it when you get to the make up sex part."

"Max!" Michiru slapped her across the leg, which was all she could reach from her sitting position. Max just chuckled and sat back next to Michiru.

"Just to clarify, that's the same person I saw in Japan?"

"Yes."

"Really?" Max looked at Michiru, as though waiting for the latter to announce that it was a hoax at some point.

"Really. Do you see now how I got confused in the beginning?"

"No doubt." Max's eyebrow crawled up.

Michiru saw that from the corner of her eye. "Don't even go there. And to answer this once and for all, yes, we went all the way and yes I enjoy it."

"I wasn't even going to ask that, you pervert. Anyway, what are you intending to do with him?"

Michiru followed Max's eyes to Alan. "I was hoping you could take him back."

"Take him back? Where? I didn't even know he was here. We're all taking a week off, I thought he went to visit family."

Michiru rubbed her temples. "That's just great. There are no vacant rooms in this entire hotel."

"Just let him sleep it off."

"Yes, I'm sure that's very wise considering my current state of affairs."

"You're still here?"

They both looked up to find Haruka, a towel wrapped around her middle, standing in the doorway. In her rush to get out of the room she forgot to grab any clothes.

"Damn." Max repeated her earlier assessment, this time over naked toned legs that disappeared under the cloth, all the way to the chest that was only covered half-way by the towel. Wet blonde locks were combed back. A dubious expression entered Max's face.

Haruka walked up to her suitcase and rummaged through it for some clean clothes. This time it was Michiru who caught Haruka off guard by suddenly appearing behind the racer.

"I'm sorry." Michiru held on to Haruka's neck and lowered her head down into a kiss. For the first time ever she felt Haruka resisting a kiss, which only prompted Michiru to get closer and fight for access. She finally felt the blonde relent and used the opportunity to slip her tongue inside.

Haruka held Michiru closer by placing a hand on the low of her back, as she held to the towel with another, her eyes never leaving Max's. Max watched the two for another moment then got up.

"Since I don't have popcorn, I'm going to wait in the sitting room." She closed the sliding door behind herself and checked to make sure that Alan was still asleep. There was a time when he cared about her privacy, she wished she could return the favor by saving him from waking up to the sounds of his wife making love to another. She sat down on the floor and watched him sleep.

**x x x**

Haruka let Michiru deepen the kiss as she watched Max leave the room.

"I'm sorry." Michiru whispered into her mouth again.

Haruka cupped her cheek and broke the kiss. "I don't want anything other than the first place. I don't want to be second or third in your life. I don't do well with seconds and thirds in my career, I certainly won't accept it in my personal life. If you can't be mine, I want you to walk away now."

Michiru shivered a little as the uncertainties tugged at her heart again. "I can't walk away. I won't, but only if you can promise the same."

"Michiru, I don't have anyone else but you, you have a husband and a friend, both of whom would make you happy if you wished for it."

"I'm only happy when I'm with you."

Haruka nodded slowly and kissed her again. Her towel slipped to the floor as Michiru momentarily leaned away and the racer made her way to the bed, all the while pulling violinist with her.

**x x x**

Michiru looked at her sleeping lover and got up, careful not to wake her. She put on her clothes and escaped to the room next door. Max looked up from the floor at the soft noise made by the sliding door.

"Why are you sleeping on the floor?"

"I'm not sleeping, I'm sitting."

"Uh huh." Michiru checked on her sleeping husband and then patted the chair. "Come on, you'll be more comfortable here."

Max got up, stretching her tired body. "Will you sing a lullaby to me, mommy?"

Michiru chuckled. "No, but I'll give you a good night kiss."

Max cocked an eyebrow as she sat down in the chair, stretching her legs over a coffee table. "Make sure it's one that puts me to sleep, not the other way around."

Michiru leaned in and kissed her on the forehead. "How's that?"

"All I'm missing is a blanket and a teddy bear."

Michiru threw her a blanked from the arm of the couch and flipped the lights off. "See you in the morning, Max."

**x x x**

A rather quiet buzz of the phone alarm woke up Haruka in the early hours of the morning. She carefully moved the aqua head off of her chest and got up. Fifteen minutes later she walked out of the room dressed in her racing suit, avoiding the future necessity to change at the circuit. She quietly slid the door open and found Alan still sleeping on the couch, albeit in a different position. Max was nowhere to be found. Haruka carefully walked to the door and then freely out into the hallway. She exited out of the back of the hotel, where her rental was parked. Max stood to the side of the door, smoking. Haruka walked up and stood next to her.

Max threw her a sideways glance. "You left the two of them alone?"

"They're both sleeping. Besides, I trust her."

Max nodded. "Trust is a big thing with her, don't lose it."

"Do you always tell her everything?"

"Enough not to lose her." Max watched as Haruka slowly breathed in the cool morning air. "I swear, your stylist is a miracle worker. I would've never connected the dots."

Haruka threw her a sideways glance. "Then let's keep it that way. What happens in Monaco, stays in Monaco, Max."

Max smiled as she watched Haruka walk away. "Vegas, Haruka. What happens in Vegas."

Haruka smiled back as she opened her car. "Potato-potato."

**x x x**

_It all started with the finality of my separation from Alan. What I thought closed the door to that part of my life, in reality opened a window to everything that happened before, during, and after my marriage. There are so many 'ifs' that I could come up with… the ones that imply the possibility of me not sitting here today…_

_If I didn't meet Alan_

_If I didn't marry Alan_

_If I gave up my career_

_If I didn't meet Haruka_

_If I didn't pursue relationship with Haruka_

_If I didn't divorce Alan_

… _but who knows how our life would've turned out then. So I don't ponder on 'what if?' anymore._


	19. CH 18

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Haruka and Michiru's characters, they belong to Naoko Takeuchi. All other characters and this story belong to me. This story is fictional. Any references to real life companies, places and events are weaved into a web of fiction and do not have any connection with reality.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**AN:** Thank you for all of your reviews, due to the limited internet connection, I shall keep the responses to myself. Now, I'm sure you'll be happy to know that I will be back on Monday… meaning I will be back home, free of studying and with no job as of yet. You know what that means? Yes, Feisu will be writing. Like she used to. Let's get this story going, shall we?

Let me know what you think…

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**Chapter 18**

"_Paradigm's New Single"_

"_Mark Hoffman: Clean and Climbing to Success"_

"_Kaioh's Second Album: Better than the First"_

**x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x **

Michiru felt the sheet that was wrapped around her slip away and grunted in objection. She turned in the direction of the disappearing fabric and instantly woke up. She grabbed the corner of the sheet and pulled it to her naked body. "What the hell are you doing?"

Alan let go of the sheet. "Tell me, Michiru, how did this come about? Were you really bored, so you decided 'hey, why don't I make a list of people my husband respects in this life and see if I can screw them?' or did you run into him somewhere, like you always do, and decided 'the time has come'?"

"Contrary to your egocentric belief, this has nothing to do with you."

"I disagree." He gave her and the bed an assessing look. "I see you got your appetite back."

"Alan." Michiru got up, wrapping the sheet around herself. "This is none of your business. This is my life, when will you finally get it? What I do doesn't concern you anymore, you shouldn't even be here."

"How long have you been together?"

"I told you, since New Year's."

"Are you happy?"

"I was."

They entered a staring contest that was broken by Max's appearance. She looked from one spouse to the other, then sighed. "Okay, you - in the shower. You - downstairs for coffee. Mich, meet us in the café when you're decent." She knew they heard her, but neither moved. Max took some air into her lungs. "NOW!"

She watched the violinist scurry into the bathroom as Alan turned to face her in annoyance. "You mind?"

"I do." She put a hand across his shoulders. "Come on, let's go work on that headache of yours."

**x x x**

An uncomfortable silence hang over the table as the three played with their breakfasts. It was almost a game of longevity. Max, who was visiting her family in town and had better things to do, finally gave in.

"Can you two just talk about it?"

"I don't have anything to say." Michiru looked away.

"It's pointless, Max." Alan got up and threw them a last glance. Without another word he left the café.

Michiru watched him go from her peripheral vision then turned to Max. "That went well."

Max just shook her head. "You're both way too stubborn. You could be friends."

"He needs to get over the fact that I'm no longer with him before we can get there. Obviously he's nowhere near that."

"Come on, Mich, give him a break. He just found out his wife is dating Haruka Tenoh. He's in town for the Prix with his brother."

"Oh."

"Yes, oh." Max mimicked. "Imagine how he must feel."

"That's what I've been doing for over a year, Max. Imagining how he must feel." Michiru lowered her voice back down. "What do you want me to do? Obviously I didn't do any of this on purpose. I'm finally happy again, Max. Why did he have to be here and ruin it?"

"Did he ruin anything? Last I remember you were fine with your… significant other." Max hid a smile behind her cup.

Michiru narrowed her eyes. "Don't even go there Maxine."

"Ooooh she went for the full name, she must be serious." Max chuckled. "Fine, I'll let you be. But she is good, isn't she?"

"Huh?" Michiru openly stared at Max without any comprehension. "What do you mean?"

Max set her cup down, put some bills on the table and got up. She leaned down to Michiru and whispered: "I test-drove your girlfriend."

Before the shock wore off, Max briskly walked away towards the street. She pulled out a cigarette and was about to open the door when "You did what?" echoed through the small café. She smiled and stepped into the morning sun. Michiru was not far behind.

"Care to explain what you just said?"

Max looked into the angry face and could not help but trace a thumb over Michiru's jaw. "Don't scowl like that, you'll get wrinkles."

Michiru slapped her hand away. "Max, what the hell do you mean you 'test-drove' my…" She lowered her voice to a whisper, checking if someone could hear them. "…girlfriend?"

"Exactly that." She exhaled slowly to the side. "We hooked up at a party a couple of years ago. No big deal."

Michiru felt her jaw lowering. "No big deal? You slept with Haruka!"

"See, now you're making it sound like I did something wrong."

"I thought you said I had nothing to worry about because I should know your taste and all that bullshit."

"That's true, I mean I'd never give her a second look if I met her as a racer. No offense." She threw the cigarette in a receptacle. "Have you seen her dressed for a party?"

"I met her at a party, remember?"

"No, not that kind. I met her at one of my shows, Mich. At a club. She was wearing a dress, heels, her hair was done and she had full blown makeup on. I mean she looked like a runway model. Well, maybe she was a bit too toned to be a model, but you see my point. I had no idea who she was until I saw her in a towel last night."

Michiru shivered. "See, that's where I have a problem with all this. You've seen her naked."

"I've seen you naked."

"Different. You haven't slept with me."

"Okay, will it make you feel better if we even out the ground?"

"What?" The meaning dawned on her. "Max! NO! Come on, what happened to friendship being more important?"

"It still is, I was just kidding Michiru. Listen, I told you this because I don't want it to ever blow up in your face in the future like your marriage just did last night. It was random, it was once, it will never happen again. Just take it as a fact and store it away somewhere."

"Easier said than done." Michiru complained.

Max shrugged, changing topic. "Are you going to watch the remainder of the race or do you want to go see my folks with me?"

"I don't want to go anywhere near the circuit. God forbid I run into Devin."

"Cool." Max wrapped a hand around Michiru's waist as they walked down the street. "We're cool, right?"

Michiru sighed, shutting down her imagination. "Yes, we're cool."

**x x x**

"Okay people, what's in the news?"

A momentary silence spread across the conference table, then one after the other people started talking.

"Carrie Underwood is having problems with her fiancée, they moved the wedding up."

"Great story. Too bad I read it yesterday." The man at the front of the room stared down the young reporter. "Come on, something that isn't on the stands today?"

"The premiere of 'Toy Story 3' is tomorrow. We can check out celeb sightings." Someone else offered.

"Oh, how sweet. Let's do family portraits for a cover story." His sarcasm cut through the room like a razor blade. "Newsworthy."

"Kid Cudi was arrested last night and then went straight on to perform his set."

"Good. Go write it up." The man dispatched the reporter who volunteered the news. "What else?"

"We have a picture of Guy Ritchie in his pajamas on the streets of London, saying goodbye to a model."

The man smiled. "Yes, that's what I'm looking for. Come on people, we have a shitload of information sitting in this building, make it useful." He pointed at the man. "I want to see that photo on my desk after the meeting with a full report on his new romance." The man scurried away.

"Any news on Paradigm?"

Silence spread over the table as people looked at each other. "They've been re-working their image since that scandal in January. They've got a new vocalist, but other than that there's no juice in that story."

"Come on, they shocked their fans in January, I'm sure they're not saints. Kate? Where's Kate?" The man looked around the table until one of the women leaned forward and waved her hand at him. "Kate, I want you to see what you can dig up on them."

"But -"

"No buts." He looked at the woman sitting next to her. "Chelsea, see if there's anything going on with the sports celebrities."

"Yes, boss."

**x x x**

After the meeting was finally over, the two women made their way back to the cubicles.

"Remind me why I'm here again?" The shorter woman with glasses asked her companion.

"You like paying your bills on time."

"Right." Kate dropped into her chair and swiveled around. "What does he expect me to do?"

Chelsea, a larger brunette woman shrugged. "Just see what you can find. I'm sure one of them is already banging the new vocalist."

"Chel!"

"What? Come on, they're celebrities they don't operate like normal people do. I'm sure you can dig up a lot on them."

"I think you're wrong. They're people. Like you and I."

"Right, because you and I fly first class around the world, live in mansions, have any person we want to have, and never worry about money."

"They earn that stuff."

"Really? And busting our asses earns us what? A mediocre paycheck? Come on, Kate, wake up, they're nothing like you and I."

Kate sighed and turned to her computer.

**x x x**

Haruka was exhausted. Not physically, not because of the race, she was exhausted because she kept thinking about Michiru and her ex the whole day. Sure she trusted Michiru when she left the two of them alone in the morning, but she kept thinking about it the whole day. Jealousy was exhausting. It was a new feeling, one Haruka was unacquainted with and she did not one bit like it. It did not help, of course, that Michiru did not come to the race. After Haruka was done with all of her responsibilities, both to the team and to the fans, she headed to the hotel.

The room was empty when she got there and Haruka pushed all the unnecessary worries out of her mind. She dialed Michiru's number, but was sent straight to voicemail. Throwing the annoying device on the bed, Haruka went into the shower. She put on a pair of her favorite cargo pants and a loose t-shirt and checked her phone. There were no missed calls. She was about to call Michiru again when she heard a knock on the door.

She stood in the doorway, studying the blue eyes in front of her.

"Hi… I…" The gaze of blue eyes wavered, but they did not unlock from her own. "I'm sorry about last night."

She nodded slowly, not letting go of the door she was holding. Alan finally broke their staring contest. "How is…" He touched his own jaw in the same area where he remembered hitting Haruka's.

"It's fine."

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that too."

She shrugged. "I probably would've done the same thing."

Alan nodded. "Good race today."

"Thanks."

"I'm assuming Michiru is not here."

"No, she's not."

"Can you give this to her?" He extended her a large envelope.

"What's this?" She took it with her free hand.

"Our separation agreement. Her lawyer brought it a while back. I guess it's past the time to return it." He shifted his weight uncomfortably. "Well, then. I guess I'll get going."

Haruka nodded. "Alan."

"Yes?"

"Thanks for that song. It really means a lot to me."

He half-smiled. "Yeah. I wish we met under different circumstances."

"Me too." She watched him walk down the hall, then closed the door.

**x x x**

Michiru was dropped off by Max at her hotel in the evening. She made her way upstairs and found Haruka sitting in front of her laptop.

"Hi."

Haruka turned around. "Hi."

"How was the race?"

Haruka shrugged a shoulder. "Good. How was whatever it is you did?"

"I visited Max's family. It was fun, thanks." Michiru put her purse down and walked closer to the blonde, still unsure where they stood. "Haruka, is there anything you want to tell me about Max?"

Haruka turned back to her computer, closed the lid and got up. "If you're asking, then you already know, what do you want me to say?"

"Haruka, if you want to be my number one, you can't have secrets like that from me. You can't be outdone by number two."

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was competing against anyone after the assurances you gave me last night."

"Last night I didn't know you slept with my best friend. She didn't know that until last night, but you knew it all along. Yet you've never mentioned it."

"Like you never mentioned that you were still married? Seriously, at least I omitted something way from the past."

"We're not talking about Alan and I, we're talking about you."

"What do you want me to do, give you a list of all the women I slept with?" Haruka knew that she herself did not remember all the women she had sex with, not that there were that many, but it still was more of an argumentative point than an actual offer.

"I thought you said you didn't see people."

"I don't date people, Michiru. I have never really dated anyone, until I met you. Doesn't mean I didn't go out."

Michiru cocked an eyebrow. "Do you still go out?"

"Yes, I do it in between work, flights and seeing you." She shook her head. "Don't be ridiculous."

This whole argument reminded Michiru of something she used to have in the past. "Why are we even having this conversation?"

"I don't know, you started it."

"I just want to know that we're in this together."

"Okay." Haruka traced the length of the strand of Michiru's hair that fell in her face. "Come with me back to New York."

"What?"

"I'm going to see my family for a week. Come with me."

"You want me to meet your family?"

"In how many words do you want me to say it?"

"Haruka, do they know that you're…"

"Gay?"

"Yes."

"I have no idea. Remember, I've never dated anyone before."

Michiru put her hair behind her ear. "Then do you think it's a good idea for me to come with you for so long? Maybe you should prepare them first."

"Nope." Absent the hair she was playing with, Haruka's hand traced the side of Michiru's face. "They'll understand. Besides, they'll love you."

Michiru would really prefer to hear that the racer loved her than that her family would love her, but that still sounded nice. Except that it brought memories of another family that loved her. "I have a lot of history with that place."

"So do I." Her eyes slowly traveled over Michiru's face. "Let's build our own history. Together." She let go of the smaller woman and walked back to the table. "Here, leave the past behind."

Michiru looked at the envelope Haruka held. She took it and pulled out the papers. Alan's name was carefully signed where it was supposed to be. Michiru walked to the table, grabbed a pen and signed her name as well, her hand never once wavering. "Can you give me a ride to FedEx?"

**x x x**

"So how often do you come home?" Michiru kicked her shoes off and pulled her tired feet up on the seat.

"Whenever I'm in North America. Usually when I only have a week or two between the races I stay in Italy, unless it's in Asia, then I just explore that part of the world. I try to come back for holidays, but my family visits me in Italy too."

"That's nice."

"How often do you see yours?"

"Rarely." Michiru stretched her spine. "How long do we have left?"

"I swear, you're like a child. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet?'" Haruka pressed the gas pedal into the floor.

"Haruka! I didn't mean for you to drive like a crazy person. The speed limit is 100."

"Do you see anyone else going at that speed?"

"Doesn't mean that you should go faster than them. Did you not see the sign? They will -"

"Pull me over, fine me for up to ten thousand dollars and seize the car at the side of the road." Haruka did her best Michiru impression. "Who cares, it's a rental." She slowed down nevertheless. "We should be at the border in another ten minutes, then it's another couple of hours."

Michiru yawned. "Remind me again why I agreed to this?"

"Because it takes the same amount of time as flying with layovers, but it's a lot more fun." They flew into Toronto from Montreal and rented a car instead of waiting for another plane that would bring them closer to Haruka's parents' home.

"For you."

"Do I bore you this much when we're not having sex?" Haruka looked at her passenger in all sincerity.

"Haruka! What the hell?"

Haruka shrugged. "This is the longest we've seen each other. The whole weekend followed by this. Am I boring you already? Because if I do, how will you live with me?"

"Hold on a sec. First, you're not boring me, the ride is. Second, when did I agree that I would live with you?"

"Oh, you didn't, I'm just not going to let you go away."

"Uh huh." Michiru was going to say something else, but the car glided on to a bridge and slowed down considerably. Haruka raised her sunglasses up to her forehead. Michiru pulled out their passports and handed them to Haruka.

Haruka smiled at her and then turned to the officer in the booth. "Good day, officer."

A man in his late twenties nodded silently in response and took their passports. Michiru studied him as he in turn studied their passports. His hair was cut razor short, his dark gray eyes seemed not to miss anything.

"What was your purpose of visit to Canada?"

"Seriously?"

Michiru threw the back of Haruka's head a worried glance and the officer finally looked at the driver as well.

"Yes, seriously."

"Canadian Grand Prix up in Montreal." Her voice was sarcastic.

"And you Miss?" The officer looked past Haruka at Michiru.

"Visiting a friend in Montreal."

"Where is your home, Miss Kaioh?"

Michiru hesitated for a moment, feeling the gray eyes drill into her. She has been traveling around the world constantly, the only permanent address she had in the past six years was in New York. The loft in Tribeca was still the address on her drivers license.

"New York City." She finally forced out.

"Are you bringing anything over the border today?"

"Nope."

"Did you buy anything while you were in Canada?"

"Nope."

The officer handed passports back to Haruka. "Have a safe trip."

"Yeah. You too." She popped her sunglasses back on top of her nose. "See you home, Mike."

"Yep." The officer stepped back into the booth as Haruka sped out towards the street.

"What was that all about?" Michiru was perplexed.

"What?"

"Do you know him?"

"Yep, that's my cousin Mike."

"Then why did he ask you why you were in Canada?"

"Because he's a stickler and a pain in the ass. Don't worry, you'll meet him over the weekend."

Michiru put her feet back down on the floor and straightened her posture. "If your family is so proper, maybe I really shouldn't have come."

Haruka made a sound between a snort and a chuckle as the car jumped back on the highway. "Just give them a chance."

**x x x**

They passed through the familiar sights of Watkins Glenn and soon turned off the country road towards a large white house. Green fields spread on both sides of the paved driveway, the nearest house was quite far away. Haruka turned to the four-car garage and parked in front of one of the closed doors. Charlie stepped out from the side door of the house as Haruka got out of the car.

"Got tired of Ferrari?"

She threw another glance at the Lamborghini Gallardo she drove from Toronto and shook her head. "Nah, the rental place was out of them." She gave her father a heartfelt hug and a kiss on the cheek.

They parted as the passenger door closed and looked at Michiru, who was standing by the car, wringing her hands behind her back.

"Dad, this is Michiru. Michiru, you remember my dad."

Michiru tentatively walked to the duo and extended her hand. "Mr. Tenoh, it's good to see you again."

Charlie looked at her hand for a moment, then shook it, smiling. "You too, Michiru. It's been a long time."

"So you remember?" Michiru was genuinely surprised.

Charlie chuckled. "There aren't that many people who look like you, dear, and call me Charlie."

Michiru blushed and turned just in time to see a woman in her late forties flung the door open and run up to Haruka. "Sweetie, you're home! I missed you so much."

Haruka caught her mother and hugged her. "I missed you too, mom."

Once Haruka let go of her, Mary noticed the other woman. "Who's your friend?"

Haruka felt a familiar sensation of anxiety rise in her chest and answered in one breath before she changed her mind. "Mom, this is Michiru, my girlfriend."

"Oh."

Haruka really wished she could see her parents' faces, unfortunately, they were both looking at Michiru.

Mary extended Michiru her hand after a short hesitation. "I'm Mary. It's nice to meet you, Michiru."

Michiru shook the offered hand, but felt that the exchange was a lot cooler than with Charlie. She wished she could interpret their faces, but she did not know them, so Michiru just kept smiling, feeling like she was on stage again. The stage where a prospective family assesses your worthiness. She has been through this before, yet it felt new and just as uncomfortable as the first time, if not more.

"Bags?" Charlie looked back at the car.

"I got it." Haruka assured, only to be dismissed by her father. They pulled the two bags out and the four headed indoors.

"You should've let us know you're not coming alone, sweetie, I would've prepared a room."

"No need. We're both consenting adults."

Haruka got a slap on the back of her head from her mother. "Manners, child. Just because you live life as you do, doesn't mean you don't have to take your mind out of the gutter when you come home."

"That wasn't what I was saying, mom. Jeez." Haruka threw a quick glance at her father for help, but he put an arm around Michiru's shoulders and steered her towards the kitchen, away from the quarrel.

"Would you like something to drink?"

"Water would be great, thanks." Michiru threw mother and daughter a sideways glance as the two made their way upstairs.

"Let me make the guest room for her."

"Mom, seriously, we're not kids, we're not at a kissing stage and we don't spend nearly enough time together to play games of propriety when we are."

"How long is she staying?"

Haruka opened the door to her bedroom and set the bags on the floor. "As long as I'm staying. Is that a problem?" She turned to face her mother.

"No it's not a problem, I just wish I would've known in advance."

Haruka knew her mother was very hospitable, but she felt that there was more to the reaction than the simple issue of accommodations. On the other hand, there was no point in getting on her mother's bad side. "I'm sorry, I didn't plant for it, it just happened."

Mary forced a smile. "It's alright. I'm just happy you're here."

**x x x**

Michiru was hiding in the sanctuary of Haruka's bedroom. It was different from the little Michiru has seen of Haruka's home. The furniture was white and ornate. Small flower patterned drapes hang on the window, the walls were painted eggshell white. To Michiru, it seemed quite a bit girly. Which, of course, did not go well with the posters of cars that hang on the walls. She shook her head and looked out of the window. This was where Haruka grew up. No one has ever stayed in her bedroom and somehow it made the experience much more intimate than anything else they have physically shared to date.

A pair of hands wrapped themselves around Michiru's waist and she relaxed into the familiar body. Soft lips kissed the side of her neck. Michiru dipped her head back on Haruka's shoulder, allowing more access. Haruka used the opportunity to draw a path to Michiru's mouth. As she leisurely kissed the familiar mouth, her hand cupped Michiru's breast. Michiru grabbed Haruka's wrist and lowered her hand down.

"What?"

"We're in your parents' house."

"We did much worse things in your parents' house."

It was hard to argue with that. "Yes, but they didn't know you were there."

"Shouldn't it make it more permissible when they do?"

"I just don't feel comfortable."

Haruka sighed. "Michi, this is not an audition. I think my parents will fall in love with you once they know you, but even if they don't, it doesn't matter. I'm not going to let anything stand between us, so relax." She set her chin on Michiru's shoulder and just hugged her closer.

Michiru turned around and wrapped her hands around Haruka's neck, holding on to the safety of the embrace, the place where she felt infinitely comfortable and protected. "I don't want to lose you."

"I thought the point of you coming here was to prove that we're together for a long run."

Michiru just nuzzled deeper into a spot on Haruka's neck. "So long as you hold me like that."

Charlie stood by the door for another few minutes, giving the two the much needed moments of peace. For the first time in years he saw that look on Haruka's face, the one that has been missing since Karin died. The way she looked at someone she deeply cared for. In a different way, but almost as much as she did for her sister. His daughter looked happy for the first time in years, he could see it in her posture, standing in the embrace like that. He cleared his throat quietly.

"Dinner is ready."

Haruka felt Michiru almost jump out of their embrace and shook her head, sighing. "Thanks, dad. We're coming." She grabbed Michiru's hand, holding it with enough strength not to allow Michiru to pull away as they followed him downstairs.

**x x x**

Throughout dinner Michiru was uncharacteristically quiet, while Mary was uncharacteristically talkative. The conversation stirred by the lady of the house never once turned to Michiru. All questions were about Haruka, the past few months from her life, recollections from her childhood and so on. Charlie tried to change the topic, but he knew better when to just close his mouth. He remained mostly silent, his mouth eventually setting into a thin line. Michiru ate in silence, listening to the conversation and learning about her girlfriend. She tried to force all other thoughts out of her mind, but could not get rid of the heavy feeling that kept setting inside her chest. At some point she felt like crying, so she excused herself and slipped into the bathroom at the end of the hall.

Haruka watched her go from underneath her eyelashes, then looked up at her mother when she heard the door to the bathroom close softly.

"Can we just have a normal dinner, please?"

"What in the world are you talking about?" Mary looked at her daughter across the table.

"You know what I'm talking about, mom. If you have issues with this, tell me, don't make her feel like she shouldn't be here."

"I did nothing to -"

"Mary." Charlie set his fork on top of the empty plate in front of him. "She's right and you know it. Don't make your child and her girlfriend regret coming here."

Mary set her utensils as well, leaning into the back of her chair. "Well, maybe this child should have told us that she was dating a woman first, instead of dropping on our heads like this."

"Really, is that all it's about mom? Me not telling you first? Or is it the fact that you can't fathom the idea of me being gay?"

**x x x**

**You know, I used to be naive enough to think that living in the twenty-first century meant that people were accepting of your choices, at least more conventional ones. Especially in the States. I mean you can marry your same-sex partner, but then you go home and the whole community looks at you like you just grew a second head. Sure I expected people to raise a brow at me when they found out I was gay, but I didn't expect to fight for my life choices. Naive me. **


	20. CH 19

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Haruka and Michiru's characters, they belong to Naoko Takeuchi. All other characters and this story belong to me. This story is fictional. Any references to real life companies, places and events are weaved into a web of fiction and do not have any connection with reality.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**AN:** Ahh NYC… I love your wireless hot spots (not that I need them with 3G) but I still love them. I do, however, love your art, fashion, architecture, and culture more.

And music… I love the diversity of the music. Speaking of which, here's a new chapter for you! Thanks for all your reviews, I'll start answering them when I'm back home, please don't stop reviewing. You know I love to read what you think!

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**Chapter 19**

"_Alan Carey's Well-Kept Secret"_

"_Carey and Kaioh"_

"_What They Didn't Tell Us"_

"_Exposed: the Secret of the Year"_

**x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x **

"Really is that all it's about mom? Me not telling you first? Or is it the fact that you can't fathom the idea of me being gay?" Haruka pulled her chair out and grabbed her empty plate to take it to the kitchen.

"Haruka." Charlie got up and followed her, throwing his wife a disapproving look. He found his daughter holding on to the edge of the sink, her knuckles white.

"Is that how you feel too?" She did not bother to turn to him, instead looking into the darkness through the window above the sink.

Charlie carefully set his dish down. "Kiddo, I've always supported you in every decision you made in your life. This… this isn't a decision. Who we love is just a fact of life, it's not like you can force yourself to love one person or force yourself not to love another. You're happy with her, I can see that and that's what matters. Besides, she's a beautiful and smart girl, why would I ever have anything against her?" He nudged her in the ribs and Haruka smiled shyly. "Come on, go play something and it will all settle down."

Haruka pushed herself away from the sink and walked to the piano. Her mother was gathering the plates from the table, Michiru was still nowhere to be seen. Haruka restrained herself from going to find her girlfriend and sat down at the old piano instead. Her eyes lingered on the family portrait that occupied most of the space above the opposite wall as her fingers slid over the ivory keys. Habitually, she started playing one of Mozart's Concerto's, but then her fingers switched to another, more dramatic piece on their own. Haruka smiled to herself as she realized what she was playing.

"Dad?"

"Hmm?"

"Do we still have grandma's violin around?"

"Sure. Should be in the attic."

She turned to him without interrupting her play. "Can you get it please?"

He gave her a questioning look, but did not ask anything. "Sure thing."

She watched him walk upstairs and continued playing, closing her eyes as she got to a harder, but oh so fun part. She opened them when she heard the creaking of floorboards as tentative steps approached her. It was obvious to her that Michiru has cried and it tugged at her heart. But her girlfriend smiled that beautiful smile she shared only with those close to her and Haruka could not help but smile in return. Michiru leaned against the large piano.

"I thought you only played Mozart."

"I'm not playing for my sister." Haruka answered quietly, the smile fading away. "So, which of Bach's Concertos do you like the most?"

"Hmmm." Michiru looked up at the ceiling in thought. "This sounds pretty fitting for the mood. That's number 1 in… D minor?"

"Ah, that's what separates us, dear. I have no idea which version of Concerto number 1 I'm playing, I just follow my memory."

"You're doing it pretty well. Then again, if that's the case, how would you know the piece I like?"

Haruka shrugged. "I'll just follow you."

"Follow me?" Michiru blinked.

"Uh huh." Haruka waved her head at her father who was walking down the stairs with a case in his hands.

"It's quite dusty, at least the case, and I have no idea what condition it's in, no one played it since ma died." He set the case on now empty dining table and popped it open. "You play violin?" He turned to Michiru, who was a bit paralyzed by the development.

Haruka finished her piece and turned to face him. "Yes, she's the best violinist in the world."

"Haruka!" Michiru slapped her on the shoulder, turning a nice shade of red.

"What? You are, ask any of your fans or music critics."

"I may be one of, but I'm not anywhere near to being the best." Michiru defended.

Haruka just waved her hand. "Would you say that I'm not the best racer in the world?"

Michiru's eyes bulged out. "I would say that your arrogance knows no limits! Of course you're the best racer in the world to me, but that's because you are _my_ racer."

"Well, statistically, I am a damn good racer." Haruka was almost bursting with laughter. "But my point is that I have a right to say that you're the best violinist because you are _my_ violinist, your success proves it, and I have a decent knowledge of music to be able to judge."

Mary, who has not witnessed this kind of bickering since her younger daughter passed away sat on the corner of the couch, watching the two women who forgot all about their presence.

"Okay, lets test your music knowledge, miss arrogance." Michiru took the violin from Charlie's hands and forgot about the ongoing argument. She lovingly traced the shape of the instrument, her fingers lingering over the characters "I.H.S." and a Roman cross. "Do you know what this is?" She asked all of them and no one in particular.

"Is this a part of the test?" Haruka studied the violin that was almost directly in front of her.

Michiru shook her head. "How long has it been in your family?"

Haruka looked up to her father, who shrugged. "Uh… I think my great grandmother brought it from Italy when she came, but I was young when she died, so I never heard her play. My mother used to play it afterwards, but never professionally. Why?"

Michiru looked up at him. "This is del Gesù violin." She knew that they had no idea what she was talking about. "Giuseppe Guarneri is arguably the best violinmaker of all time. Some say that his violins are only secondary to Stradivari, some say that they are better. It's an eighteenth century instrument. It's very rare and is probably worth millions." She extended it back to Charlie. "I can't play this."

He shook his head. "Sweetie, this violin has been collecting dust in the attic for the past twelve years. It holds nothing but sentimental value to us, so please, play something."

Michiru looked at Haruka, who only raised an eyebrow back. The knowledge that they potentially had millions sitting in their attic may have come useful in the past, like when she signed that contract with Tom, but at this point, it was nothing she could not earn. There was not anything her family needed, so no one was going to grab the instrument and run to the nearest antique dealer with it. She just found it ironic.

"So, what do you want to play?"

Michiru, still mesmerized by the instrument that, in her experience, only compared to the one she played when she won the Paganini competition, said whatever popped into her head. "Toccata and Fugue."

"Well, this isn't an organ, but I'll see what I can do." Haruka said mockingly. She let Michiru take the lead, watching both of her parents closely, then cut in. They played in tune for a short while, Michiru finally getting lost in her own world, far from the uncomfortable situation she was in. Haruka, knowing perfectly well what was going on inside Michiru's head, decided to temper with it. Her fingers forcefully hit the keys as she sped up drastically, both making more powerful, louder sound, and increasing the tempo. Her foot tapped on the pedal as the piece started to closely resemble a jazz version of Toccata. Michiru stopped playing all together, lowering the bow and the violin and giving Haruka a killer stare. Haruka hit a few more notes like she had a personal issue with the piano and it was time to pay back, and then just pushed away from it, laughing.

"Oh come on, tell me that wasn't fun!"

"That wasn't fun." Michiru semi-scowled and semi-pouted.

"Well, I had to pay you back for doubting my music skills." Haruka grabbed Michiru's hand that held the bow and kissed it. "Come on, I'll be a good girl."

"Okay." Michiru looked up at a bookshelf on the side of the room that was filled with scores. "I assume you sight read?"

"I did get into Juilliard if you remember."

"Oh, I remember." Michiru put the violin on top of the piano and walked to the shelf. "It's hard to forget when someone ignores a talent." She could feel Haruka's displeased look with her back, but ignored it. She returned in a few minutes, opening one of the scores to the right place. "Here, you should have fun playing this."

Haruka moved closer, inspecting the suggested piece. "Liszt?"

"Yeah, sounds like your style based on that little performance. I'll follow."

"Mkay." Haruka briskly read through the piece before her fingers unsurely settled on the keys. She soon found that, indeed, it was fun. She looked at her father, sipping on his beer and tapping his foot on the floor, and her mother, who was smiling again. This time when Michiru joined, Haruka did not dare to misbehave, nor would she want to. It was perfect. Though she knew she missed a few notes, they played quite well in harmony. The piece ended and then they just improvised. Haruka played her versions of some of Michiru's songs, they played parts of different concertos, and they finished with what both knew was a tribute. It was Mozart's concerto, improvised by two instruments. As the last notes died down, they were both utterly exhausted.

"She would've loved it. You both play wonderful and Haruka wasn't exaggerating, Michiru. You are a fantastic violinist." Mary said quietly from the couch.

Michiru blushed slightly and smiled. "Thank you."

Charlie got up and rubbed his satisfied belly. "I know it must be still early for you kids, but I only hang out here to hear the end of this great performance. It's way past my bedtime."

"Actually, I think we both haven't had a chance to catch up on sleep in a long time." Haruka said, rising from the piano.

Michiru put the violin back in its case and closed it carefully, still not believing that she played such an exquisite instrument. Sure it could use some tuning and new strings, but that was to be expected. She was still thoughtful when she felt Haruka wrap an arm around her waist.

"Ready to go?" Haruka kissed her temple.

"'Hai.'" Michiru, completely in her own world, responded. Haruka just smiled and they all made their way upstairs.

"Good night." Haruka smiled at her parents, ignoring her mother's disapproving expression.

They exchanged the pleasantries and the women entered Haruka's bedroom. Michiru took another look around as Haruka turned the bedside light on, then unbuttoned the dress she was wearing. Haruka took the pillows off the bed and moved the duvet to the side, then unbuttoned her cargo pants.

"Is this what it feels like?"

"What?" Michiru looked at her as the summer dress slipped to her feet.

"Married life." Haruka pulled her pants off and folded them on a nearby chair.

"Which part of this do you think resembles married life?" Michiru wondered if she should put her pajamas on, but dismissed the idea when Haruka quickly slipped in the bed, naked.

"Going to sleep without having sex."

Michiru threw the bra she took off at the chuckling blonde. "I don't know, are you at the stage of losing interest in me?"

Haruka pulled Michiru in bed by her waist. "Never." She let the smaller woman slip under the covers and wrapped her arms around the petite body, gently caressing the familiar curves. "We just haven't done this before."

"What, be exhausted physically and emotionally to the point of falling asleep?"

"Yes." Haruka turned on her back, bringing Michiru in her usual position. "Except that I think it also had something to do with being together for two or three nights only. Now we know that there's always tomorrow… and the day after tomorrow… and the day after."

"'I wish it was always like that. I don't want you to go away.'" Michiru mumbled, being lulled into sleep in the comfort of her girlfriend's embrace.

"Hmm?" It took Haruka a moment to realize that Michiru was mumbling in a different language. "Move in with me."

"You sure don't waste time on trying to convince me."

"I'm not the one complaining." Haruka kissed the top of the aqua head.

Michiru, falling in and out of sleep, opened her eyes. "Complaining? When did I complain?"

Even breathing was her only answer.

**x x x**

"You know, I would really appreciate it if you said whatever it is you have a problem with straight, instead of bringing up all this nonsense."

"Don't forget who you're talking to!"

Michiru set her cup of coffee down on the counter and looked out of the kitchen window. She was afraid that it would happen, but now that it did, it only reinforced her fear of coming clean with her own parents. Based on their reaction to her marriage, then to her divorce, she was afraid she would lose them entirely. After all, her father has not talked to her since she announced her separation from Alan.

Michiru squeezed her eyes as the shouting upstairs continued. It all started with a stupid comment at breakfast and now it escalated into a full blown shouting match. Well, Haruka was shouting, her mother seemed to have an inhuman ability to yell without raising her voice. Her tone changed, but she did not speak louder. She scared Michiru.

**x x x**

Haruka took a deep breath. "I know who I am talking to, mother, but you can't just keep doing this. You can't pretend like you're okay with everything when you're not. Just admit it!"

"Okay, I'm not okay with it." Mary stared at her daughter angrily. "I don't have anything against Michiru, she's a talented and beautiful girl, it's your… relationship that I have an issue with." She walked to the window, not knowing that she stood in the same spot where Michiru did just a day earlier.

"What is wrong with my relationship?" Haruka, arms crossed, stood in the middle of the room.

"Haruka, you chose to live this life of lies because you believed that you wouldn't be able to do what you dreamed of otherwise. There wasn't a day in the past six years when I approved of that choice and you know it."

"What does that have anything to do -"

"Let me finish." Her tone warned Haruka to do just that. "Just because you pretend to be a man most of the time, it doesn't mean that you need to go all the way. You don't need to date a girl to make the world believe you."

"Actually, I had to do exactly that, if you remember."

"I remember very well all of your so-called girlfriends, but they weren't real. You can be very impulsive, Haruka, and I don't want you to end up regretting your mistakes later on."

"What if I told you that they were real? That I actually dated them?"

Mary turned to face her. "I wouldn't believe you."

One thing Haruka could never do was lie to her parents. "Okay, I didn't really date them, but in no way does it mean that this is an impulsive decision. I'm not dating Michiru because I'm trying to pretend someone I'm not, I'm dating her because I can be who I am with her. Completely, without any secrets, any pretenses. She makes me happy, mom. Can't you just accept that, no matter what her gender is?"

"Haruka, I'm not homophobic, it's not about me having anything against gay people. This is about me not believing that you are one."

"What do I have to do to prove it to you that I am? Obviously the way I treat her isn't convincing enough for you. Should I kiss her? No, that wouldn't make any difference, because you'd just say that I'm pretending to enjoy it to prove my point. I asked her to live with me, is that proof enough? I guess not, you could say that it's another one of my impulsive decisions. Hmmm… well, I can't get pregnant or make her pregnant, though, most worrying parents would consider that as a good thing, I guess not in the long run, and, so I can't even say that we're having a baby to prove that I'm not treating this is as some kind of a fling or a rush decision -"

"Enough!" Her voice bounced off the walls, rendering Haruka speechless. She has never heard her mother shout like that. Despite having a lot of things to say back, Haruka just grabbed her wallet from the night stand and walked out of the room.

**x x x**

"Are they still at it?" Charlie asked Michiru, who seemed to be frozen to the side of the sink.

"Yes."

"Don't worry, they always do that, just give them a reason. Haruka has too much of an independent spirit for Mary's taste. They don't always see eye to eye, but they figure it out in the end. Just stay out of it, that's the best advice I can give you."

Michiru forced a smile, genuinely appreciating his support. "Thank you."

They both turned to Haruka who flew down the stairs. "Michi, we're going for a ride." She noticed her father only when she came face to face with him in the kitchen. "Why are you at home?"

Charlie shrugged. "Just making sure nothing is on fire. So, do you want to take that rental for a test drive?" He knew exactly how to switch gears in Haruka's head.

She considered the proposition for less than a minute. "Do we have tires we can put on it?"

"I'm sure we can figure something out." Charlie chuckled.

"Cool. I'll see you there." She grabbed Michiru's hand and pulled her out of the house.

**x x x**

"This is really nauseating." Michiru complained as she grabbed on to the door handle.

"This is nothing, when you're in an F-1 car, your body is part of the machine. You feel everything and I mean it."

"I'm ecstatic that it doesn't have a passenger seat."

Haruka threw her a quick glance. "You were the one who said that you wanted to know what it felt like."

"I didn't realize it would make me sick." Michiru admitted. "And I prefer to be with you."

"Don't worry about it, she'll get over herself. Besides, you heard her, it's not you or my orientation, it's my apparent 'impulsivity' that's the problem."

"I'm sure I'll be blamed of the same." Michiru sighed. "Only my parents are much more traditional than yours. I think they might just disown me."

"The wouldn't."

"They stopped sending me money when I said that I was going to marry Alan despite their disapproval."

"Well, I'd do the same thing if you told me that you were going to marry Alan. I'd much rather you…" Haruka bit her tongue as she took a turn and searched for other words. "Anyway, the fact that you made up with them means that they only wish you well. I'm sure they will be against it, but they'll get over it. Everyone will get over it."

"Very optimistic of you."

**x x x**

Haruka held Michiru's hand as they walked up the driveway. She could both feel and see the strain in the smaller body.

"It will be okay."

"That's what you said last time." Michiru whispered back.

"She's my father's sister, she's just like him. Her husband is not any worse. It's their son and my mother who are sticklers. Stop obsessing about it."

"You don't understand." Michiru forced as they approached the large house. "I spent my wedding weekend here."

Haruka held the door open for her. "You'll get over that too."

They walked to the dining room, where the rest of the Tenoh family was already assembled around the table.

"You'd really think that someone racing for a living wouldn't be last to make it here." Carol got up, smiling.

"Ha ha." Haruka hugged her aunt, then shook hands with her uncle. "This is Michiru, Michiru, my aunt Carol and uncle Hank."

"Good evening." Michiru forced a smile extending her hand.

Carol gave her a rather dubious expression, then smiled her welcome. "Don't be a stranger, Michiru. Unless I'm turning senile, it's not our first time meeting." She gave Michiru a hug.

"No, it's not." Michiru mumbled under her breath. She received another hug from Hank and they took their seats at the table.

"So, how did you two meet?" Carol asked as they started on their dinners.

"We ran into each other at a benefit in California." Haruka answered. "Actually, Michiru literally ran into me, and I may have offended her, so I asked her out to dinner as an apology."

"Smooth." Her uncle winked. "Michiru, you play violin, right?"

She looked up from her meal for the first time. "I am."

"Hank is a fan of yours. He's a fan of classical music period. He was the one who suggested that the girls take piano lessons." Carol explained.

"That's wonderful." Michiru smiled and looked back at her plate.

"Jeez, what did they do to scare you like that?" Carol felt her husband squeeze her hand a minute too late. "What? Look at her, she's terrified into submission compared to the funny, clever girl that ow." She pulled her hand out of her husband's and rubbed the spot where he pressed too hard.

Mary set her utensils down. "When did you meet Michiru, Carol?"

Caught in a trap, Carol gave the girls an apologetic look. "She stayed here a few years ago with her family."

"Oh yes? What a co-incidence. Was it during one of the race weekends?"

"Yes." Now Carol herself bit her tongue, but it was too late. They never let anyone stay at the bed and breakfast during the race weekends to keep that part of the family to themselves. Unless those who came were there for a non-racing related activity, like a wedding.

"Who was getting married?" Mary asked in the same even tone.

Silence spread across the table as Carol did not want to make it any worse than she already did, her husband regretted her starting the mess in a first place, Charlie, who remembered Michiru coming to the track with a boyfriend, did not want to add to the fire, and Haruka was simply preparing herself for the eruption that was inevitable.

"I was getting married." Michiru's clear voice finally broke the silence.

"And then you say that it's all real? For god's sake, you're pretending to date a straight girl!"

"Okay, first of all, your argument had nothing to do with Michiru, last I remember it was all about me."

"It is still all about you! You just proved my point. You're jumping into this because you think that living like a man you should act like one fully, so you even went and picked a woman that was married."

"Leave her out of this, her relationships are her business and I didn't 'pick' Michiru. It's not like I went on a website and profiled available women. I met her, I liked her, she liked me, so here we are now. It has nothing to do with the past, let it be."

"I would if it didn't matter. I want you to understand that you're living your lie. Nothing more."

"God, mother, it's not like I was a virgin when I met her." Haruka got up, almost tripping the chair. "You know what, fuck this shit."

"Watch your language." It was her father's turn to raise his voice.

"Yeah, I'll watch my language. You know, I really never thought that of all people I'd have to defend myself in front of my own family." She put the chair back where it belonged and walked out of the house, slamming the door.

Silence spread over the table.

"She's right, you know, she shouldn't defend herself in front of her family."

"Right, why don't you all support her and make me into a villain." Mary got up, quickly making her way out of the dining room, covering her face.

"Oh this is just fucking great." Charlie got up. "Excuse me everyone, I'm going to calm one of them down." He followed his wife.

Michiru kept staring unseeingly in the middle of the table. She heard Carol get up, but paid no attention. She just tried to hold her own feelings at bay. She almost jumped when she felt someone place a hand on her shoulder.

"Just give her time, she doesn't do well with change. It's not nearly as bad as it sounds. Here, take this to Haruka, just have a talk, and then you're welcome to stay here for the night."

Michiru turned to see that Carol was holding a bottle of wine and two glasses in one hand.

"Thank you, you are very kind." Michiru forced another smile.

Carol squeezed her hand. "I love my niece and she's been through a lot. I just want her to be happy. You both deserve to be happy."

Michiru nodded and carefully took the glasses and the bottle out of Carol's hand. "Which room?"

"Whichever one you want. We don't have anyone staying until Friday. Stay as long as you want."

"Thank you." On an impulse Michiru gave Carol a hug. "Where will I find Haruka?"

"On the deck, the one where you saw her earlier."

Michiru nodded, thanked Hank as well and found her way out. She let her eyes adjust to the darkness outside, then walked to the deck. Haruka was sitting at the end, where Michiru sat all those years back. Their roles reversed, she now walked up to the blonde and set the bottle and the glasses on the deck. She then kicked her shoes off and sat next to Haruka, wrapping a hand around her waist.

Haruka wiped her tears away. She did not even know what to say. She put her head on Michiru's shoulder and felt more tears come.

"It's okay." Michiru caressed the blonde locks.

"Maybe you were right. Maybe she won't accept me for who I am."

"No, Ruka, she just wants to protect you. Come on, what happened to your enthusiasm?"

"I got tired of fighting."

"You don't have to fight right now. In fact…" Michiru reached behind herself for the bottle that already head a cork screw in its top. "…all you have to do is have some wine with me." She opened the bottle and poured Haruka a glass.

Haruka wiped her face dry and took it. "Let me guess, auntie?"

"Yes."

"I don't drink and drive."

"Carol said we can stay here."

"I thought you had a problem with the b&b."

"I only stayed in one room. As far as I remember, there are others." Michiru tapped her glass to Haruka's. "Cheers."

"'Kampai.'"

"Ah, nice. You almost said it without an accent."

Haruka chuckled. "Thanks."

"So, do you always come here when something is on your mind?"

"Yeah. Well, I always come here period. This is a sanctuary."

"The place where you get your zen?"

Haruka shook her head. "No, I mean literally. I come here to talk to Karin."

"What do you mean?"

"She loved this lake. We used to sit here and watch it. When she felt good, we used to swim here. When she died, we cremated her body and scattered the ashes across the lake. It's a sanctuary to her, but I heal here."

"Do you want me to leave you alone for a while?"

"No." Haruka laced her fingers with Michiru's. "I don't want to be alone. I've spent enough time alone."

Michiru moved in closer, laying her head on Haruka's shoulder. "Me too." She sipped on her wine. "Okay."

"Okay what?"

"Okay, I'll move in with you."

Haruka turned her head trying to see Michiru's face. "You don't have to agree just to make me feel better."

"I'm not. I like being with you. I feel… like I belong."

Haruka set her glass on the deck and pulled Michiru in her lap. "Really? Where exactly is it that you belong?"

Michiru set her outstretched arms on Haruka's shoulders, both embracing the blonde and holding her wine glass. "Wherever it is that you are."

Their noses touching, Haruka tried to see the blue eyes in the dim light. She could not, so she bit back the three words that were on the tip of her tongue, instead kissing the full lips. Michiru did not seem to mind. She deepened the kiss, the duel becoming less leisurely and more passionate. Haruka did not want to ever let Michiru go. Until her mood was broken by the cold liquid that quickly ran down her back.

"Ah! What the…" Haruka broke the kiss, turning her head to see a now empty glass in Michiru's hand.

"I'm so sorry." Michiru set the glass on the deck, chuckling.

"You don't sound sorry to me at all."

"Oh, I am." Michiru giggled.

Haruka made a clicking noise with her tongue, picked Michiru up and threw her in the lake.

"HARUKA!" Michiru yelled as she came back to the surface. "What the hell!"

"Payback." Haruka got up to her feet and unzipped her cargos, avoiding splashes sent her way by Michiru. She dropped her pants on the deck and dove into the water, head first. "Nothing like swimming in the dark."

"I think people mostly skinny dip in the dark, it doesn't count when you're fully dressed." Michiru, who finally stopped trembling from the cold water retorted.

Haruka swam up to her. "There are many other things you can do to have fun in the dark. See that boat deck? Race me to it."

Michiru was going to protest, but Haruka was already gone. Taking in a deep breath, Michiru entered the race. It was a good distance away, the deck was larger, its support columns coming out of the water a bit more than the one they just came from. They both held on to the wood as they reached it. Haruka surveyed the structure quickly, noting the horizontal bar that connected two posts. Her feet found an identical one under the water.

"Hold on to the bar."

"What?" Michiru asked.

Haruka pointed to the bar above Michiru's head and the smaller girl complied. As she turned, she realized exactly what was on Haruka's mind.

"Haruka, this is someone's property."

"Uh huh." Haruka's hands were slowly traveling up Michiru's body under the water.

"I thought this lake was your sanctuary."

"No, that boat deck and the water around it is my sanctuary, we're quite a ways away from there."

"You are impossible."

"Isn't that why you love me?" Not making the question more serious than it needed to be, her lips pressed into Michiru's, silencing any of her protests. Haruka's hands caressed the delicate body, eliciting quiet moans that Michiru tried to hold back. The cold water, the buzzing of insects and the possibility of being discovered all disappeared from both of their consciousness as desire filled their entire beings.

**x x x**

Later that night they both lay in a large Victorian bed, complete with posts. As Haruka relayed to Michiru exactly what she would do with those posts if they were not drained physically from their water activities, she realized that she was talking to herself. The beauty in her arms slept peacefully, her even breathing filling the room as Haruka stopped talking. The racer sighed, bringing Michiru closer to her body in their spooning position. She kissed the temple covered by damp aqua locks and whispered: "'Daisuki dayo.'"

**x x x**

**The worst thing about life is that just when you accept the cards you've been dealt and figure out what you are going to do with them, life delivers you another unexpected blow, like a gust of wind that picks up the card house and then scatters it all around you. All you have left is to pick up the pieces and start all over again. **


	21. CH 20

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Haruka and Michiru's characters, they belong to Naoko Takeuchi. All other characters and this story belong to me. This story is fictional. Any references to real life companies, places and events are weaved into a web of fiction and do not have any connection with reality.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**AN:** Oh wow, so I had to re-read the whole fic to get back in the groove… it was kinda fun, except that it took a while. Again, thanks for all of your reviews and sorry that I didn't reply for the last 2 chapters.

_**YourDarkLover: **_Why thank you. I'm not intending to stop writing for a little while. It's like an addiction of mine. After I'm done with this there will be a semi-sequel to IAAU and then there is a sequel to ID. Then I have another short story in mind. So trust me, I'll be writing so long as someone cares to read :)

_**ilovemichiru25: **_I think the real drama will start with the next chapter. I've set out all the relationships I wanted to set out, time to mess everything up :P You know, I've been looking for anyone wearing a bikini in Time Square, but saw no one… only in Central Park and High Line… but there was no Pikachu anywhere :( So, if this link works, this is what I was imagining when Haruka was messing with Michi (Stuart Jones' rendition of Toccata and Fugue):

http : / / www . Youtube . Com / watch ? V = QuYrD3wwVxU

_**petiyaka: **_Oh come on dark cold water… what can be more romantic than that… all those creatures you can't see crawling up to the heated bodies to join in on the fun… yum

_**qwerty/Bleacher27: **_It's like dealing with a dual personality there :P Yeah, there was a bit of a plato in the story for H&M to figure out their feelings and get it out of the way. Now I have to remember what I was going to do to them when I wrote all those italicized and bold thoughts of theirs… and put it all together. I'm on it though. Evidently I also have spurs of philosophical thoughts… oh well.

_**SeraEris: **_I envy you sooooo much. I'm glad you had fun though. You'll have to share more about your trip. (How can my fic be refreshing when you're in Japan? It still makes no sense to me whatsoever my dear friend o_o)

_**Mantaray:**_ I postponed the departure from Eden. Hell is the next stop. Well, Michi didn't miss out on the three words, but she is completely missing out on something. Did you pick it up? SeraEris did and I know she will be kind enough not to mention it to everyone, right dear?

_**Tenoh and Kaioh: **_So yes, Michi is moving in, mother and daughter came to terms, love is all around. Too peachy. Unfortunately I'm neither frustrated nor angry, so it's rather hard to write drama, but I'll manage :)

_**imjce: **_Hey, your psychiatrists and I should get together for a drink! Having the same sense of humor, I'm sure we'll have a blast. Haruka is adopted. She said that a while back, so it is entirely possible to forget that ;) They talked about it in CH 11 I think. At the end. I watched "Boondock Saints 2" last night, so I know exactly what you mean about the thick Italian accent, even if I don't live in NYC. Counselor, I agree, Mary's argument is weak, but I'd imagine people don't think logically when met with situations like that, they think with their hearts or other anatomical places. And hey, I don't know about Toronto, but being gay around here might as well get you discounts at Starbucks… most of the baristas are gay… you'll get a free cookie along with a milk bone for your pooch. I do get it, don't you know by now? Regarding the two most significant words in English language, you know, sometimes I get bored with them. Like in my native language you can say 'fck' at least ten different ways. There's a scale of menace and meaning to each, plus add the variation in intonation and you have a whole vocabulary. In English… it's all left to the circumstances and intonation, which you can't really portray in text. Yeah, I'd get a doughnut at Timmy Ho's if they adopted your slogan. I'd go to that one in Ontario I mentioned some time ago ;)

_**Mm-Burnt-Toast-mM: **_Yes, Michi still has a skeleton in her closet. And when the shit hits the fan… it stinks. So her and Alan will not be friends in the future, no matter if someone hopes otherwise.

_**Fusionmix: **_I dunno, I've never played violin in my life. Would it? I think I mentioned that it was a bit out of tune and needed new strings… I think the getting to be scene was meant as Haruka jabbing Michiru about being married before. A little lighthearted jabbing all couples enjoy.

Sorry I took so much space again… but I like doing it and you can always skip over it :) Ciao...

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**Chapter 20**

"_Who's to Blame"_

"_The Real Reason They Kept it a Secret"_

"_She Used Me"_

"_What Happens Now"_

**x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x **

The rays of sunlight brightened the room illuminating the smallest particles of dust floating in the air. Michiru's lids slowly rose, revealing her ocean blue eyes. A silly smile played on her lips. She had the most vivid and utterly pleasant dream. In it, Haruka confessed to loving her. Still filled with dreamy thoughts, she turned to the other side of the bed to find it empty. Michiru sat up, finding the absence of her object of affection not at all to her liking. She found a robe at the foot of the bed, which she put on, and went in search of her girlfriend.

"I know, if it's not one thing, it's another. How the hell did it get out?"

Haruka's voice reached her from the kitchen.

"Yeah, we're in New York, thankfully not the city. This is going to create a fucking mess."

Michiru heard a grunt as Haruka came in her vision. She was sitting on a chair, her elbows propped on her knees, staring through the glass door. Her back was to Michiru, who just leaned against the wall, wondering what was going on.

"No, I'm going back to Italy at the end of the week, I'll take her with me." "Obviously you don't know how stubborn I can be." "Thanks. Yeah, she'll call you back once I tell her, I'm sure." "Yeah. You too, bye." Haruka disconnected the phone and muttered something Michiru could not distinguish under her breath. She put the phone on the table, at which point Michiru noticed that it was her cell phone.

Haruka turned around, startled by Michiru's sudden appearance. "How long have you been standing there?"

"Long enough to be completely confused. Who were you talking to?"

"Max."

"Why?" Michiru disconnected from the wall, her posture a lot more rigid.

"Because your phone kept ringing and I didn't want to wake you up, so I took it with me. When your persistent friend called for the sixth time, I picked up."

"Is she alright?"

"She is. She was worried about you."

"Why?"

Haruka grabbed the magazine that lay on the floor in front of her and threw it on the table. Michiru walked up closer, freezing in her tracks as she saw herself on the cover of the periodical. In the front-page photo she was smiling at the photographer next to her soon to be ex-husband. It was a picture taken after one of their joint performances in the past. Under the photo in bold print it read: "Exposed."

Michiru quickly thumbed through the pages with her shaking fingers, finding a full spread article announcing that Kaioh Michiru and Alan Carey have filed for divorce. She dumbly read through the text that was full of speculations and only two facts: they were married and now they were getting a divorce.

"How do they know? Alan wouldn't do this… would he?" She looked up at Haruka unsurely.

"I'm not married to him, how would I know?"

Michiru shook her head. "He kept it a secret for my sake for so many years, he's not that revengeful. How did they find out?"

"Court filings are a public record. You filed for divorce, you opened a can of worms." Haruka extended the phone to violinist. "Your agent called a number of times too, you need to call her to do damage control, then call Max."

Michiru took the phone, her earlier happiness replaced with escalating anxiety. "What do I do now?" She looked at Haruka, afraid to even make the call to Anne and find out what kind of damage was done to her reputation.

Haruka brought her into an embrace, stroking through her messy hair. "You make the calls while I make breakfast, then we eat it together and enjoy the beautiful day outside, away from paparazzi and people who ask questions."

"Okay." Michiru forced a smile. Haruka gave her a reassuring kiss and walked to the fridge. Michiru dialed her manager's number.

"_Finally. Are you still in Canada?"_

"Good Morning to you too. No, I'm not in Canada."

"_Sorry, Michiru, I've been dealing with reporters since that damn magazine hit the stands, I'm not in a particularly jovial mood. Where are you?"_

"I'm in New York. Western New York."

"_With Haruka?"_

"Yes."

"_Okay. I want you to stay away from anywhere reporters can find you for as long as you can. Without any word from your camp or Alan's, I'm sure they will start all kinds of speculations. The most important thing for you is not to lash out. Don't pay attention to them. You don't react, they will lose interest. Also, try not to appear with Haruka in public. You don't want to add fuel to the fire."_

"But -"

"_I think you're fine where you are for now, I'm not saying that you should stay indoors. I mean traveling and big cities, stay out of paparazzi's way and don't dangle your new relationship in front of their faces." _

"Do you have anything good to tell me?"

"_I'm sorry Michiru, there is nothing good about this situation. You've managed to avoid attention for a very long while as it is. With Paradigm's comeback and your new album about to hit the stands, this story is like a drug to the addict. Media will eat it up."_

"Great."

"_You just do what I told you and I'll take care of the rest."_

"Anne, I decided to move in with Haruka."

"…"

"Rendering you speechless is a first." Michiru pointed out as the silence stretched.

"_Now may not be a good time."_

"I've never let media control my life, I'm not about to start doing so now."

"_Media was kind enough to play by your terms until now. That's no longer the case. You hid something from them, they're no longer your friends. They are vultures that will take your life apart. It's about taking care of yourself, not about being stubborn."_

"I'll be careful."

"_Oh, now you will?"_

"Excuse me?"

"_Michiru, do you know how many photographs of you and Haruka I have sitting on my desk? The ones I bought before they reached the media? I'm sure there are many more. It's inevitable."_

The color drained from Michiru's face. "What photographs?"

"_I'll send you a link. Just don't do anything stupid."_

"I'll try."

Michiru hang up, staring unseeingly at the table in front of her. Over the years she gave dozens of interviews, attended talk shows, fended off reporters when she got out of her concerts, but she never once was portrayed in a light not to her liking. There was nothing personal that was known about her. Until now.

Haruka set the plates with omelet down and walked to her entranced girlfriend. She wrapped her arms around Michiru's waist and whispered in her ear: "We'll get through this. You'll be fine."

"There are photographs of you and I."

Haruka's arms stiffened. "What kind of photographs?"

"I can only venture a guess. Anne is sending me a link."

Haruka never really thought past her desire to be close to Michiru. She never considered that the two of them being together a lot would make people notice. As she considered the possibility, she did not find it too troublesome, on the contrary, she wanted people to know that she was dating Michiru. The only problem was, Haruka knew it would bring attention to her. The kind she did not have before, now that Michiru herself was drawing attention. They both just stepped onto ice that was quickly melting in the June heat.

"I guess we should stop having sex in public places. Ow!" Haruka let go of Michiru and rubbed her upper arm, where the violinist slapped her.

"Shouldn't have done it in a first place." Michiru mumbled.

"I'm sorry, I don't remember you ever complaining."

Michiru shook her head and dialed Max. "Hey."

"_Hi, I can't talk right now, I'm about to board a plane."_

"Is everything okay? I thought you were hanging out with your parents for a week."

"_Yeah, well, a friend of mine just got herself in a whole lot of trouble. I think she might use my company. Besides, she has this awesome girlfriend I'd like to hang out with, so I invited myself over."_

Michiru smiled, despite herself. "You're something else."

"_Tell me. Bye darling, I'll see you… actually I forgot to ask Haruka to pick me up. Can you be a dear and arrange that?"_

"Sure. Call us when you land."

Michiru put her phone down and looked at Haruka across the table. "You didn't tell me she was coming."

Haruka shrugged. "I figured she would."

"And you don't mind?"

"Why would I mind? Eat your breakfast before it gets covered with frost."

They ate in silence for about two minutes before Carol flew into the kitchen with a wave of heat from the outside. "Have you seen the magazine?"

Haruka almost chocked. "Unfortunately."

"I'm sorry, I tend to forget that you are celebrities. I guess it's just second nature to you."

"Not really." Michiru sipped on her tea. "It's just the downside of success."

"I'm sure it will be fine. It's not like there is any controversy in your divorce. Is there?"

Michiru shook her head. "No, but my agent seems to think that that's exactly why the media will come up with something creative."

"Oh, just don't pay attention to them sweetie."

"Yeah, like you paid no attention." Haruka pointed out.

"You know me, I'm gullible." Carol took a seat. "Are you feeling better?"

Haruka shrugged. "It's not like anything changed since last night."

"Your dad dropped by while you were running. I told him that you'll be staying here for now."

"No, we'll go back today. There's no need to escalate this into a third world war. Besides, our clothes are there."

"You're always welcome to come back."

"Thanks auntie." Haruka got up and kissed her aunt on the cheek.

**x x x**

Michiru got the e-mail from Anne when they reached the Tenoh house. Using the computer in Haruka's bedroom they both looked through an assortment of pictures of the two of them in public. They ranged from innocent photographs taken in the early days, such as of them walking down the street in LA, to more compromising ones. Such as the snapshots of numerous make-out sessions they held over the past few months all over the world.

Michiru brushed a hand against her flaming face and looked away. Haruka closed the browser and sighed heavily.

"It's not that bad."

"Can you imagine what would happen if they got any of those… more explicit pictures?" Michiru whispered, feeling completely flustered. "Haruka, it's not just me I'm worried about, it's you."

Haruka sat on the corner of her bed and stared out of the window. "You can't tell I'm a woman from any of those."

"All they have to do is look closer. If they get the wind of our relationship, you'll be put under a microscope. It's all my fault."

"Michi, none of this is your fault. People would have found out about you and Alan eventually whether you filed for divorce or not. They just as well may find out about me… I mean I've been living in fear for the past six years, and miraculously it hasn't happened yet. Once it does… well, I'll deal with it then."

Michiru turned to her girlfriend, blinking away her tears. "Maybe if we don't live together and don't see each other as often… maybe it will prolong that…"

"No." Haruka got up and wiped the small tears away with her thumbs, cupping both of Michiru's cheeks. "We are not going to change our life just so that the lie keeps on going. Whatever is meant to happen will happen."

"Haruka, we can't be so careless. We're talking about your career… and possibly mine." It was yet another time Michiru felt she was almost at the crossroads. Personal life or professional. The traitorous tears would not stop.

Haruka hugged her, setting her chin on top of the aqua head. "I've sacrificed a lot for my career. It's just a matter of coming to a point where I'm no longer willing to make sacrifices. We're not there yet, so there is no need to make premature decisions. We'll cross the bridge when we come to it."

Michiru just stifled a sob, burying her face deeper in the crook of Haruka's shoulder.

**x x x**

They picked up Max at the airport shortly after. Haruka and Max both tried to distract Michiru from the article, but it was Mary who finally achieved that goal. Michiru and Max went for a walk after another painfully long family dinner, while Haruka stayed behind. Charlie excused himself under the pretense of having to check on his car.

They sat in silence for a while, each trying to find words and set pride aside. Finally, Haruka took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have sworn at the table last night."

"No, you shouldn't have. After all, it's very inappropriate in front of your family and your obviously cultured girlfriend." Mary looked in Haruka's eyes. "I'm sorry, I overreacted. It's just new and hard to accept. Even harder when you give me so many reasons not to believe in it… but if you're happy, then you're happy."

"I am happy. And I don't mean for right now, I mean I never want to let her go."

Mary nodded. "Just make sure that that's how she feels too."

Haruka's eyes found the magazine that lay on a side table and she stared at it in deep thought.

**x x x**

"What's on your mind?" Max nudged Michiru in the ribs.

"Do you even have to ask?"

"It's not about the article, I can tell."

Michiru sighed. "Haruka's mom hates me."

"No she doesn't."

"She also thinks that Haruka is not gay."

Max burst out laughing. She was going to make a very inappropriate comment about Haruka not being gay when Michiru's scowl stopped her. "Oh come on, you and I know she is."

"That's not the point. The point is that she thought that her family was going to just accept me. Can you imagine how my parents will react?"

Max looked ahead, considering the possibilities. None seemed promising. "If you care enough for your relationship with her, you'll make it work."

"Been there, done that, didn't work out in my favor."

"Sure it did. Last I remember they did come to your wedding."

"Max, this is different. She's a woman."

"I still think they will come around." They walked in silence to the end of the street, then turned back. "Will you stay with her if they don't?"

Michiru sighed deeply. "I've never felt this close to anyone before, Max. I mean both emotionally and physically at the same time. Not even to Alan. I know this sounds stupid, but I feel like she completes me."

"That's not stupid, sweetie, that's romantic." They both chuckled. "Then stop worrying. So long as you're together, you'll be fine."

"There's more to it than that."

"Such as?"

"Such as my fans. Can you imagine what will happen if the press finds out that I'm dating a woman? I'll be banished from the world of classical music. My fans will leave me. My career will be over. It's my career or the person I care for all over again."

"Don't be so dramatic. I'm gay and people are okay with that."

"You're a member of the band of undefined style and a deejay. Being gay is hip in your circles. It's unheard of in mine."

Max stopped walking altogether. "Oh my god, Michiru Kaioh, you've turned into a total drama queen. You need to figure out what's more important to you: career or Haruka. You're not in the same place you were two years ago. You've made a name for yourself, people see you as a violinist, not just some random person. Have some faith in your colleagues and your fans. And then your girlfriend - you're saying how she completes you and then you compare her to your ex not even five minutes later. You were the one unhappy with being alone, despite your successful career. Figure out what's more important Michiru and stick to it."

Michiru could not even look Max in the eyes. She kept staring at the ground, feeling like a schoolgirl being reprimanded by her teacher. It was, however, exactly what she needed. Someone to tell her exactly how shallow and cowardly she was acting straight to her face.

**x x x**

"I still can't believe you came across that filing." Chelsea chewed on her french fries.

"Having court clerk as a friend pays off." Kate sipped on her milkshake.

"You can say that again. So what's the scoop?"

"What scoop?"

"Why are they getting a divorce?"

Kate shrugged. "I don't know. It's pursuant to a separation agreement. They've been separated for over a year, they don't need any grounds. I think they just parted as friends, there's nothing more to it."

"Right. Come on, there must be a reason."

"Like what?"

"Someone cheated."

Kate shook her head. "There was no mentioning of adultery."

"Maybe they wanted to keep it quiet, like they did with their marriage."

"I really don't think so."

"You should look into it. Maybe she cheated on him with someone else from Paradigm. Maybe that's why Mark did drugs. He slept with his friend's wife and couldn't deal with it. Yeah, that's it. Timing is perfect."

"Chel, your imagination is wild. And timing is not perfect, he overdosed almost a year after they separated."

"Sure, it takes time to get there."

"Please stop. It's over the top."

Chelsea shrugged. "Either you write about it or someone else will."

"I'm not writing anything unsupported by the facts."

"Suit yourself."

**x x x**

Alan sat in the living room of the Tribeca loft, staring dumbly at the article he now knew by heart. Other magazines on the coffee table proclaimed all sorts of obscenities, claiming to have the details of why their marriage was secret.

"It's not as bad as it seems, it's good publicity." Mark sat down on the opposite couch.

"Good publicity?" Alan finally came out of his stupor. "This is bullshit. Each and every story. There's no substance to any of these claims."

"None of them show you in a bad light."

"Yet. Right, for now it's all Michiru's fault. I don't know why, it seems more reasonable to blame it on me. I'm the touring bandmate."

"Maybe the media is smarter than you think. Maybe they know that your soon to be ex-wife is a heartless bitch."

"Watch it." Alan warned.

"It's true. At least it was the last time I found your sorry drunken ass. I don't remember her crying over you."

"Like you were there to see it if she did."

Mark shrugged. "I doubt she cried that much if she's been banging someone since December. Maybe even before then. Maybe the whole time."

"Oh, seriously, will you shut it?" Alan got up and walked to the kitchen. He was rinsing his glass when the front door opened and their newest band member walked in, pulling a suitcase in her tow.

"Evening boys." She disappeared in the bedroom, previously occupied by the spouses and belonging to her since Mark and Alan agreed to share Mark's. Kyle reappeared shortly with a couple of magazines. "Here's for your collection." She threw them on top of the ones that already lay on the table. "Looks like the media in Europe prefers Michiru over you. They're saying it was all your fault."

Alan looked at the magazines in rising annoyance. "Good publicity my ass, Mark."

**x x x**

They piled out of the black Honda Civic. Haruka popped the trunk open and started taking out the gear.

"I never even imagined you driving something with a trunk." Max jabbed.

"This is my baby. Dad and I rebuilt it back in '02. It's the first car I won a trophy with."

"You should've seen her drive it all over town as soon as the paint dried." Mike pulled out the last mat and closed the trunk, careful not to touch the spoiler. "She thought she was starring in one of those drag racing movies. Thank god she had the taste not to put lights under the car. It looks nothing like the original as it is." He pointed at the body kit.

"What's wrong with lights? I mean I grew out of that stage, but it would've been sexy back then."

"The only person other than you who found it sexy was Karin and that's only because you both were stupid teenagers."

"Wow, look who's talking. Like you didn't go through that stage a decade ago." Haruka shook her head and walked ahead of the group to the park grounds. They spent the previous day at the local wineries and it was time to work some of those carbs off. Haruka was waiting for her cousin to get back to town to do the only activity the two of them had in common: rock climbing. To her surprise, both Michiru and Max were up for the new experience. As they walked deeper into the state park, Haruka spotted the rocky wall that was to her liking. They set the mats on the ground and pulled out the chalk.

"Okay, we'll go first, then we'll come down and spot you."

"Works for me." Max took a seat on the grass across from the wall. Michiru joined her. They watched the two blonds climb up the vertical rock formation, their moves calculated and careful. "Close your mouth."

Michiru turned to Max, slapping her on the knee. "She's my girlfriend, I can drool."

Max laughed. "Sure, I mean look at those strong arms, the definition in that back and the abs… mmm… the abs."

"Maaaax! You can't even see her abs from here."

"Yes, but I can see how she maintains them. That hobby alone coupled with running probably puts her in the shape she needs."

"She plays tennis a lot too."

"The secrets to a perfect body."

"Right. Speaking of perfect bodies. I didn't realize how much weight you lost until… now that you're wearing sports top and pants."

"Are you saying I was fat?" Max forced on her best offended expression.

"No! But you do look very good."

"Why, thank you darling. I've been working out with our new vocalist. That asshole we call manager made her feel bad, so now she's following a routine."

"Do I sense an interest in the new vocalist there?" Michiru batted her eyelashes.

Max smiled. "No. Besides, she's a bit more interested in our songwriter than she is in me."

"Really? What about Alan?"

Max shrugged. "I don't know. He doesn't really share his feelings with me."

"Ready?"

Michiru turned to Haruka, who unexpectedly appeared at her side. "I didn't even notice you come down."

"Evidently you were too encompassed by your conversation." Haruka gulped down the water. "Come on, I'll spot you."

As they made their way to the wall, Michiru tentatively held on to the protruding rocks. She slowly made her way up, holding on with her fingers and suddenly feeling tension in the areas of her arms where she did not even know she had muscle. By the time she came back down, she was ready to take a break.

"Hey, you're good for someone who's never done this before. I mean this requires a lot of upper body strength, most people give up half way." Mike praised both women.

"You're talking to a violinist and a drummer. We exercise our arms every time we play." Max chuckled.

"Good point."

Haruka surveyed the wall to find other areas of interest. They climbed for another hour, then she decided to move to an easier spot. "So, you think you can follow me?" She turned to Michiru, pointing at the cave-like indentation in the wall a couple hundred feet up. "We can climb up, take a break and climb down."

"I can try."

Haruka chose the easiest way up, pointing out to Michiru the protrusions to hold on to or to step on as she followed. Once she came to the coolness of the shaded indentation, she brought herself up and sat down, turning to see where Michiru was. She was slightly behind, but steadily making her way up. Soon her hands appeared at the edge of the rock Haruka was sitting on.

"I don't think I can move anymore." Michiru breathed out, one of her hands slipping off of the rock.

Haruka caught her wrist. "Come on, don't give up on me now." She pulled the violinist up, bringing Michiru to the safety of her embrace.

Michiru sat down and tried to catch her breath. "That was exhausting. What do I get for following you here?"

"Did you only follow me here to get something?" Haruka's eyes laughed as she tried to act serious.

"Hard work is usually followed by a reward."

"Oh really?" Haruka kissed Michiru on the nose. "How's that?"

"I wouldn't even get in the car for that."

"Really? Then this?" Haruka gave her a peck on the lips.

"That would get me in the car."

"Ah huh." Haruka's lips found Michiru's again, pressing harder, but avoiding the invasion.

"Better, but still not enough." Michiru held on to Haruka's neck, deepening the kiss. Their tongues fighting in a pleasurable duel, she felt the heat rise. A wave of desire washed over her as Haruka bit on Michiru's lower lip, then brought the smaller woman on top of her, lowering herself backwards on the bed of rock. Michiru supported herself with her aching arms, to make sure that she did not press Haruka into the hard surface. She knew that Max and Mike could probably see them, she knew that other people may come across them, but as it always happened when she was with Haruka, she lost herself in the moment. That was when she realized that Max was absolutely right. She was miserable alone, despite her glorious career, the one she sacrificed her marriage and her unborn child for. Even if the cost of having a relationship with the blonde was losing what she had otherwise, it was worth it. Because the more time she spent with Haruka, the more she felt like she could not live without her.

"Haruka?"

"Hmmm?" Haruka opened her eyes, catching the wanton mouth again.

Michiru let the kiss last for another minute before she pulled away, catching the reflection of the sun behind them in Haruka's eyes. "I love you."

Haruka smiled, tucking the strands of aqua hair that fell in Michiru's face behind her ears. She felt like she was dreaming, but the hard surface beneath proved that she was not. "I love you too, Michi." She pressed her lips against Michiru's mouth again, showing exactly how much she loved her violinist.

**x x x**

**Have you ever stood on the edge of the cliff, preparing for a dive several hundred feet down? Watching the waves crash into the rocks and knowing that if you did not calculate right, you would bash your scull open? That feeling of extreme nervousness and anxiety, when you try to stretch every second for as long as you can until you realize that all you're doing is prolonging the inevitable? That's exactly how I felt for six and a half years while waiting to see an article on the front page announcing to the world that Haruka Tenoh is a woman.**


	22. CH 21

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Haruka and Michiru's characters, they belong to Naoko Takeuchi. All other characters and this story belong to me. This story is fictional. Any references to real life companies, places and events are weaved into a web of fiction and do not have any connection with reality.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**AN:** Thanks for all of your reviews… and welcome to the chaos.

_**petiyaka: **_Michiru is definitely more dramatic than Haruka here and without a basis, really. You're right, she could still have her career after the scandal blows over, but Haruka… deceiving everyone in F1 community… that's a one-way ticket and she knows it. You know, it's not the mood that's the problem… it's jumping between 3 fics with 3 separate sets of identities… it's screwing with my mind! But I can't let go...

_**SeraEris: **_See, now when you mention the 6-hour walk, that makes more sense :) Sorry that your trip ended… but I'm sure you have enough memories to make the satisfaction last for a while.

_**Tenoh and Kaioh: **_The world is doomed! With all those reporters sneaking around… gosh… I read your review and got myself a peach :P It was yummy.

_**Mantaray:**_ I love when people throw absolutely illogical tantrums. The thing is, I can never write them as good and as illogical as they are in real life. That's cuz I usually take Max's side and reason it out… and then people get upset with me because I didn't go with the flow of the tantrum… The reason I put Haruka's thoughts there was because it was all about Michiru freaking out and I wanted to give an insight into how Haruka felt. You know, still holding her breath.

_**ilovemichiru25: **_I am the queen of drama (as opposed to being a drama queen :P ) I can't live without it, so yes, it must come in, I'm sorry. Yeah, the speedo guy… not a good visual. Now what would you do with the knowledge if you did ask and he said that he only owned one? Yeah, the Glamour Life cake is about to melt… too hot.

_**lostinhersong: **_I'm sorry to hear that… really 100mi radius? Damn. You should open one, I'm sure there are people that would come to climb :) If you do it at a park, make sure you're not alone, someone is spotting you and you have all the appropriate equipment. It's technically an extreme sport (which makes it all the better). Thanks for the compliment, my first language is Russian, English is my second :)

_**Mm-Burnt-Toast-mM: **_Just because they love each other, doesn't mean life should be good for them… I mean if anything they at least have each other when it all goes crashing down, right? I hope so, we'll see how nice I feel when I'm writing. As to the second part of your review - dead on. It's coming… a bit later though.

_**imjce: **_Yep, they'll be swept to Narnia on a unicorn. Haruka will ride it like a true knight, holding Michiru in her arms and guiding the unicorn to… wherever it is she wanted to be when the stubborn creature decided to take them to Narnia.

Come on, running yellow lights is not even considered against the law. You see the light turn yellow and you accelerate, keeping your eyes on the traffic light to see if you made it before it turned red. No? Okay, fine, I guess with all the cameras at every intersection we have around here I should stop doing that too.

Gimme that check, I didn't smash it in Alan's face… yet… I want my dollar! No, actually, make it a coin from the pot of gold. I want to be able to use it in the future. Like when I want to ride the rainbow to Narnia to rescue Haruka and Michiru from the evil unicorn. Oh wow, I think I just made a full circle of gibberish… w-w-w-w-w-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e…

There's **swearing** in this chapter, but otherwise it's harmless.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**Chapter 21**

"_Paradigm's Member Lashes Out"_

"_Five Years of Hell"_

"_He Says She Says"_

"_The New Man?"_

"_From Heaven to Hell"_

"Assault by a Jealous Fan"

**x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x **

Despite the warning from Anne, Michiru traveled with Haruka to Monza. She took precaution, both by dressing inconspicuously and wearing a wig, hoping that if she did come across paparazzi, they would not recognize her. While she was expecting flash lights and a microphone in her face the whole trip, neither happened. She finally breathed in freely when the couple entered Haruka's house. They set their bags down and Michiru looked around. Everything looked the same as it did the first and last time Michiru visited there, yet she was surveying her surroundings with a new outlook.

"Stop looking at it like it's another hotel. You live here now." Haruka was in turn studying Michiru.

"It's weird. Moving in like this I mean. It doesn't feel mine."

Haruka sighed and embraced Michiru from the back. "You can make whatever changes you want to make it feel like it's yours."

"It's not that. I guess I've always moved with everyone else, so it was like starting a blank page. Here, I almost feel like I'm invading."

Haruka nuzzled Michiru's neck. "I really like your invasion of my life."

"Do you?" Michiru smiled, catching Haruka's lips with her own. Her teasing kiss soon turned into a needy one. Haruka's hands stroked the sides of her waist, slowly finding their way under Michiru's top. Michiru brought her hand up, caressing the back of Haruka's head. Haruka, in turn, used the opportunity to cup Michiru's breast.

"Oh my god, am I gonna have to call before I come now?"

Michiru jerked her head, while Haruka just chuckled, her hand still where it was, her chin finding a spot on Michiru's shoulder. "Yes, and generally plan to come an hour after you've called."

A fine brown brow went up. "I didn't realize you were such a horn dog, Haruka."

"That's because you passed on my invitation." She smiled with all her teeth.

"What's going on?" Michiru slapped Haruka's hand away from her breast. She felt like she has seen the brunette woman standing by the stairs before, but she could not place her, nor could she understand why the said woman was in Haruka's house.

"Michi, this is Dido Niccolo, Di, Michiru Kaioh."

Dido smiled at the violinist, extending her hand. "It's a pleasure, I've heard a lot about you, Michiru."

Michiru could not say the same. She shook the offered hand and as she looked closer, it dawned on her where she has seen the woman before. It was on the cover of a magazine with Haruka. "I'm sorry, did you two used to date?"

"Cover-date." Dido clarified.

"Cover-date?"

Haruka let go of Michiru and gave her friend a hug. "Yes, Dido was kind enough to pretend to be my girlfriend for about a year."

"I've seen you in the magazines."

"Yes, that was the idea." Haruka explained. "But more importantly, she's my only female friend and she's my stylist."

"Do all of your relationships come in packages? Manager-friend-tennis partner, cover-girlfriend-friend-stylist?"

"Mmh. Girlfriend, which is a package in itself."

Dido smiled wider. "You were made for each other. I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were be both coming back... I wouldn't have been here if I did."

"If I didn't want you to stop by randomly like you do, I wouldn't have given you the key. This is a bit unplanned and rather permanent. Michi is moving in."

"Great!" Dido's eyes darted to the single suitcase that contained Michiru's clothes. "How about we do some shopping then?"

"So long as you don't make me go, have a blast." Haruka grimaced.

"Babe, who needs you? I've been buying you clothes for years, have I ever once asked you to come?"

Haruka shrugged. "Just don't make my girlfriend unrecognizable."

"Actually, that may not be a bad idea." Michiru voiced thoughtfully.

"Open-minded shopping, what can be better?" Dido rubbed her hands.

"A massage after a long trip." Haruka smiled and whispered to Michiru: "That's one of the best perks of having Di around."

"I can hear you, I'm standing right here."

**x x x**

The buzz of the crowd, the limos that delivered their occupants to the red carpet, and the constant snapping of cameras pierced his ears as soon as he stepped out of the security of his own stretched vehicle. Max gently put a hand on his elbow.

"It's about fashion, not about your personal life. They won't dare."

Alan let out a breath. "We've ignored them for a week, they can lash out."

"Alan, it's not the first crisis we're dealing with." She eyed the dark circles under his eyes. "I know it must be much harder when it's about you, but you have to stay strong. You can't give them satisfaction of lashing out."

"I know, I know." He brought his arm higher, inviting her to weave hers through, to be his date, his support for the night. "To be honest, I've never thought that you'd be the one trying to provide comfort for me."

"Why?"

"Because… because of your relationship with Mich, whatever that complicated relationship is. I guess I always expected you to be on her side. All the time."

"I am on her side, but you haven't done anything to her. She's the one who made the decision, it's between the two of you. I had nothing to do with it."

"Yeah." He sighed, then winked at her. "You didn't have to lose the skirt just for me though."

Max chuckled. "Someone had to draw attention away from your sorry ass." She was wearing a pant suit from Balenciaga's pre-spring summer 2010 collection. It was yellow and a lot more form-fitting than any of her other clothes, but since she has been going to the gym continuously, Max started feeling better about herself. So much so that she did not mind wearing the outfit that was straddling the masculine-feminine divide. The side of her mouth curled up at the sight directly in front of her as they slowly moved towards the entrance to the venue of the MuchMusic Video Awards in a line of their fellow newly arrived musicians. "I think Kyle will steal the spotlight anyway."

Alan laughed quietly, also eying the woman that walked between Rob and Mark in front of them. She was wearing a gold dress from Balmain that most closely resembled a one-piece swimming suit with a piece of cloth wrapped around Kyle's hips. At that moment he could not help himself but compare the new vocalist to his wife. They were so different and he felt the never-ending sadness crawl up into his system again. He missed her spunky personality and her gorgeous body. Her elegance and poise by his side. He shook off his reverie as Max squeezed his arm. They were about to enter the 'paparazzi stretch.'

As soon as they took the first step, it felt like they tripped over a wasp nest. The buzz that was a bit distant before as the musician in front of them was peppered with questions was directed to them as the woman walked to the middle of the red carpet for the pictures. Alan could not wait to pass the stretch of bloody cloth.

"Ms. James, who are you wearing?"

"Ms. Du Bois, that's a new look for you, who's it by?"

"Mr. Hoffman, is your clean-cut suit part of your new image?"

"Mr. Alagna, is that Les Hommes?"

"Mr. Carey, black on black, does your choice of clothing represent your mourning?"

They fended off questions, responding with polite smiles for the cameras. Alan simply ignored the ones directed to him. After another two minutes of agony they were finally signaled to move on. That was when the last question was shouted by a reporter.

"Mr. Carey, is it true that your wife and Mr. Hoffman had an affair?"

Alan froze, Max's hard grip preventing him from turning back to the reporter. Mark, on the other hand, did not have any constraints.

"What the fuck is your problem, man?" He walked to the reporter, placing one of his hands on top of the camera lens and the other on the lapel of the reporter's jacket. "Don't you throw accusations like that around! You're talking about my best friend. So shut your trap and go fuck with someone else."

"Mark, let's go." Kyle gently pulled him away from the reporter.

He jerked his arm out of her grip and walked back to the rest of his bandmates. The five walked to the spot where pictures were taken, doing their best to force smiles. Mostly, they looked like scowls. They took a communal breath after they walked off the red carpet and inside the building.

Mark immediately turned to Alan. "You know that that's complete shit, right? I've never even touched her."

"I know, brother." Alan disconnected himself from Max and rubbed his temples. "I guess we've reached the stage of complete speculation."

"They're not going to air or print something that has no basis. They're not that stupid."

"Either way, we should find a good attorney. I feel like we're gonna be filing a lot of defamation suits." Rob mumbled.

"You should talk to her." Max suggested quietly.

"What good is it going to do?"

"Maybe you both should go on a talk show and… well, talk about it. Put everyone at ease. Tell them you're friends who parted on good terms. Tell them that you kept your marriage private because it was very personal to you."

Alan shook his head. "Are you kidding me? We can't even talk like normal people do with each other, Max. Add cameras to that and we'd give them a good basis to create more speculations."

"Honestly, I think it's the only way."

**x x x**

Cover to cover, magazines sat snuggly on the shelves of a small newspaper stand. Most were European versions of the worldwide popular periodicals, while some were local issues and newspapers. Three had Michiru or Alan on the cover. More had their names in small font to the side of the front page. No matter where she went, she could not escape them.

"Eyeing them won't do you any good."

Michiru turned to her new acquaintance and sipped on the latte. "I just can't believe how many lies there are there."

Dido looked at the stand at the corner, a few hundred feet away from where they were sitting at an outdoor café. "They're not lies per se, they're speculations. That's how show business works. You get a photograph and you speculate. You get a news and you speculate. All you need to know is how to work around that."

"How do you mean?"

"Take Haruka. She's been able to avoid people looking into her personal life. It's not luck, it's strategy. She paraded relationships that caused speculation, so people where interested in women she dated, not in her. When asked questions, she'd give just enough info for people's curiosity to be satisfied, but not as to add more interest to the subject. She wasn't born that way either. I've been there when Joe drilled it into her head."

"It's different now."

"It's only different if you let it be." Didio sighed, picking her words carefully. "Only you know that your relationship with her is different. For everyone else out there, when they discover your relationship, it will be one of many. The press will scrutinize you because you're getting a divorce. They will speculate that you left your husband for Haruka. Same thing that happened when I 'dated' her. I broke up with my boyfriend and they looked at who I was, but not at who she was. I mean in a sense it's genius."

"So what you're essentially saying is that she'll be okay and I'm the one who screwed up anyway."

Dido sipped on her cappuccino before answering. "I wouldn't put it that way. Listen, all I'm saying is you need to figure out a plan, that's all."

"Easier said than done."

**x x x**

Michiru's apprehension only rose when she heard from Max about the accusations that were thrown at Mark at the Awards. To her further discontent, Haruka had a race in Spain, while Michiru had a CD release in UK. It has been two days since she left Monza and she already missed Haruka like she has never missed anyone in her life. Michiru's independent spirit was rebelling against this new development, which manifested itself in Michiru's hiding away in a practice room, where her phone was not allowed. It was a perfect excuse to distance herself from Haruka without raising any questions. In the end, it only made her feel more miserable.

Michiru had a concert engagement every night of the weekend, followed by signing of her new CD during the day. When she exited the back of the concert hall on Friday after the first night of her performance, she was surrounded by the reporters. Her streak of luck in avoiding them ran out.

"Ms. Kaioh, how was the performance?"

"Ms. Kaioh, did you dedicate your last album to your marriage to Mr. Carey?"

"Why did you keep your marriage secret?"

"Did your marriage to Alan Carey pave your road to success?"

Michiru turned to the reporter who asked the last question, her polite smile falling off of her face. "I married Alan Carey for one reason and one reason only: I loved him."

Her simple statement only seemed to escalate things.

"What did he do to lose your love?"

"Did Mr. Carey cheat on you?"

"Did you feel like Paradigm's fame overwhelmed you?"

"Did you fall in the shadow of your husband's success?"

"Is there someone else?"

"Ms. Kaioh, over here -"

She shook her head in complete rage, her head high and her eyes straight on the Rolls Royce that was waiting for her a few feet away. Even when she was sitting in the back seat, the car rolling down the street, away from havoc, Michiru could still hear their voices. No matter how much she kept telling herself that their relationship just came to its natural end, she knew that some of the questions thrown at her that night were partial reasons for why her marriage fell apart. Every time she heard those questions, they cut like razors against her skin.

**x x x**

"_London, June 26, 2010_

_After her first concert following the release of her new album last night, Ms. Kaioh was for the first time asked a number of questions about her marriage face to face. After a week-long silence, she defended herself by saying: "I married Alan Carey for one reason and one reason only: I loved him." Of course, that statement did nothing to answer any of the questions her fans have as to why Ms. Kaioh decided to hide her marriage for six years and why she filed for divorce. Mr. Carey continues to remain silent on the matter, only leaving the rest of us to speculate on what happened between these two distinguished musicians."_

Michiru removed the hand that was supporting her forehead and raised it in the air. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything."

Anne set the newspaper down and looked at her charge with maternal disapproval. "You left the ball in his court. If you were going to say something, you should have at least said something that would take the heat off you."

"Like what? Say that it's all his fault? It's not."

"Who cares?" Anne got up and walked to the window. "Michiru, no one is going to buy your reason for leaving Alan. Relationships may run their course in real life, but not in social spotlight. You need to find a reason that will redirect their attention."

"I can't believe you're suggesting that."

"I'm your manager. It's my duty to suggest things that will positively affect your career."

"How would me lying to people positively affect my career?"

Anne folded her arms across her chest. "While the attention you are drawing to yourself may be good for the sales of your new album, it's not the best kind of attention. You need people to talk about your music, how different your second CD is from your first, not about why you married, why you didn't announce it, why you're getting a divorce. Prioritize, Michiru."

"I feel like everyone just keeps lecturing me on my priorities." Michiru got up and started pacing around the room. "Don't you think I know what my priorities are? My career has always been at the top, but I am not going to hurt people I care for by lying to appease the media."

"Then find another way. Talk to Alan."

"That's not a good idea."

"Why not?"

"Because I have nothing to say to him! Because every time I see him he brings up the subject of our divorce and the only time he didn't, it was because he found out I'm dating someone he has been a fan of for years. There's absolutely nothing we can talk about civilly anymore."

"Make an effort."

"What?" Michiru faced her manager.

"You're trying to find the easiest way out. It's not supposed to be easy all the time. Make an effort, Michiru. If you and Alan are friends again, there will be no controversy."

**x x x**

She no longer bothered leaving through the back door. Reporters surrounded all exits and Michiru felt completely numb by the end of her concert on Sunday anyway. She exited through the main doors of the magnificent Royal Opera House and found that the walkway was separated by a barricade. Reporters ran up to her from the street side as her fans cheered from behind the temporary fence. She smiled at her fans and ignored the reporters. People were congratulating her on the new album and asking for her autograph, just like it happened so many times in the past. She handed her violin case to Anne and signed the CDs and pictures people extended to her. She was halfway down the line when a woman she just signed her name for grabbed her wrist.

"You don't deserve him, bitch."

She saw the gleam of metal in the woman's free hand from the corner of her eye and felt paralyzed. Even her self-preservation did not kick in by the time the hand holding a razor was caught by another, stronger one. Michiru's wrist was freed of the grip as complete chaos broke around her. The woman was held by some man she has never seen before. Security guards and police officers seemed to appear out of nowhere, people jumped over the barricades, flashes blinked non-stop. All Michiru felt was being picked up and dragged backwards. She finally came to her senses and kicked the person holding on to her with all her might.

"Shit! Michiru, it's me." She turned her head backwards to find Haruka determinately pulling her towards to Royce. She was back on her feet, but Haruka's hard grip on her waist didn't lessen. In another few seconds she was in the car, with Haruka by her side and Anne in the passenger seat.

"Are you okay?" Haruka let go of her and inspected the terrified violinist, who did not reply. Haruka turned to Anne. "I want you to find her a bodyguard. He's to accompany her everywhere she goes, unless I'm around. I also want charges filed against that razor-waving psycho."

"Done."

As Haruka's authoritative voice boomed over the soft sound of the car gliding through the city, Michiru finally came back to her senses. "What are you doing here?"

"I missed you too, honey." Haruka answered back sarcastically. "After you didn't answer my calls for five days, I decided to visit to see if you're still alive. Turns out, I came just in time."

Michiru looked away. "I'm sorry, I was busy."

"We'll talk about that later."

They spent the rest of the ride in silence, only soft clicking of buttons on Anne's PDA and the sound of the car created sound. As the driver opened the door for Michiru, she slipped out, followed by Haruka. Anne handed the violin from her lap.

"I'm going to stop by the police station. I'll let you know what I find out in the morning."

They both nodded and bid her a goodnight. The short walk through the lobby and the elevator ride was spent in the same uncomfortable silence. When Michiru opened the door to her suite, the first thing she noted was Haruka's suitcase in the room.

"How did you know where I was staying?"

"Anne told me."

Michiru threw her card on the table and hugged her torso, staring out into the darkness beyond the window.

"What's wrong, Michiru?" Haruka stood by the side of the room, unsure if she was welcome. The few days they spent in her house seemed like heaven, then Michiru all of a sudden disappeared after she left for UK. Now Haruka was met with a rather cold disposition, similar to how the violinist acted when Haruka met her. She was utterly confused.

"Are you out of your mind?"

"What?"

"Haruka, you jumped to my side in the middle of a crowd full of reporters. How many of them do you think caught sight of you?"

Haruka's mouth opened and closed before she blew up. "Are you fucking kidding me? Michiru, you almost got cut by a razor blade in the middle of a freaking street. What was I supposed to do, stand to the side and watch it happen? What's wrong with you?"

"There were dozens of other people, any of which could have helped me. Someone actually did. There was no need to drag me to the car! You, on the other hand, rolled in like a prince in shining armor on your white horse. Every one of those god damn reporters probably snapped a picture of you dragging me away. Tomorrow the whole country will know that we're involved."

"And so what? The only one risking anything by the exposure of that relationship is me, not you! They don't know I'm a woman, you have nothing to worry about." Haruka took a deep breath. "Why didn't you answer any of my calls?"

Michiru looked at the floor, the energy that heated her argument leaving her all of a sudden. "I needed some space."

"You needed space from what?" Haruka's eyes narrowed into slits.

Michiru stifled a sigh. "I… I wasn't testing us."

"Then what were you testing, Michiru?"

"I've just never felt this way before." She walked up and put her outstretched arms on Haruka's shoulders. The latter did not move. "Even with Alan… I always felt like I had my freedom…"

"I'm not taking away your freedom. If you want to live on your own, you could've just said so. If you wanted to continue our relationship as nothing more than an occasional sex, you should've said that instead of saying that you love me."

Michiru caught the side of Haruka's head with the palm of her hand before the racer turned away, hiding the pain in her eyes. Michiru caressed the soft skin with her thumb, biting on her lower lip. "I didn't finish. I feel like ever since I met you, I don't want the same things anymore. It's confusing and scary… but most of all, it makes me extremely happy. I needed to test myself to see if I can live without you… and I can, but then I don't enjoy anything, including my music. I need you because I love you so much. You asked to be my number one just a week ago… even though it feels like it has been so much longer... You are Haruka. My number one in every sense."

Michiru moved in closer, placing a gentle kiss on the lips that formed a thin line. She searched the grey eyes for that spark that lit them up every time Michiru was near Haruka. She let out a sigh of relief when she saw them soften, felt Haruka respond to the kiss. She used to miss not seeing her racer between their spontaneous meetings, but knowing what it was like to be by Haruka's side all day, every day, she felt like each day away from her was too much.

"Are you okay, though?" Haruka pulled away, stroking through the long tangled hair.

"A little shaken up." Michiru admitted. "I guess that's something I missed out on while we were actually married... Alan's fans."

Haruka smiled lopsidedly. "Wait until my fans find out about you."

"You always know how to cheer me up."

Hauka's smile widened. "Not with words…"

**x x x**

Monday morning came too fast. Light breeze played with the curtain through the open window of their hotel room. They both watched it move from the comfort of the large bed, entranced. Haruka's hand brushed back and forth against Michiru's shoulder as Michiru listened to the steady heartbeat under her ear. A light tap on the door interrupted their tranquility. Michiru sighed and rolled out of the embrace. She put on one of the hotel robes and threw the other to Haruka. In another twenty seconds she was opening the door.

"Morning."

"Morning." Anne made her way inside, greeted the blonde and took a seat on the couch.

Haruka took a seat in the chair, Michiru perched up in her lap. "What's the news?"

"They kept your attacker in jail overnight. Her name is Lisa Shields, she's obviously a fan of your husband's. She should not be a problem anymore, the attempted assault case is pretty clear. You have to give a statement and they may ask you to appear in court if it ever comes to that. I will go to the station with you." Anne watched as Michiru looked at Haruka and then nodded. She then pulled out a few sheets of paper from her bag. "These men came highly recommended. Take a look and let me know who you want me to hire."

Michiru pursed her lips as Haruka took the papers and thumbed through them. "I think a full-time bodyguard is a bit… over the top."

Haruka turned away from the profile she was reading to look at her girlfriend. "Michi, it's been a week and someone already pulled a blade on you. Not to mention all the reporters that will be sneaking up out of nowhere. You should've had one a long time ago in a first place."

"I don't like being followed. I like control over my life." She had this same discussion with Alan a number of years ago, when Paradigm members got bodyguards to accompany them to concerts and other social events. Michiru declined the notion then and she was still uncomfortable with it now. Circumstances, however, have changed.

"You will still control your life. The difference is, your life will be more protected." Haruka reasoned going back to the profile.

Michiru just sighed in exasperation. Anne pulled out a magazine and handed it to Michiru. "Naturally, they're calling it an attempt on your life by a crazy fan."

"Great. More controversy." Michiru skimmed the article.

"Here." Haruka handed Michiru her top three choices. "Any one of them should be fine."

Michiru exchanged the magazine for the profiles of three bodyguards and made her pick.

"I will contact Mr. Andrews and arrange for him to be here as soon as he can." Anne took out another printout and hesitated for a moment. "This story is going to run on the front page in the States today." She handed Michiru the printout and watched in silence as both women read the article, their indifferent faces changing to outraged.

**x x x**

_There are many degrees of relationships in life. People that surround you, you keep them at a distance proportionate to the degree of relationship you have with them… but you always hope that you have managed to surround yourself with people you can at least trust. On a basic level. That they would not do wrong by you, that they would have at least that much decency. Well, the reason why we hope that to be the case is because we know that it not always is. _

**x x x**

"_Toronto, June 21, 2010_

_Mark Hoffman of Paradigm lashed out at the reporter at the 2010 MuchMusic Video Awards yesterday after his bandmate, Alan Carey, was asked to confirm or deny the spreading allegation that Mr. Hoffman and Mr. Carey's soon to be ex-wife, Michiru Kaioh had an affair. While Mr. Hoffman swore at the reporter, Mr. Carey remained silent, leaving the rest of us, once again, to speculate on whether the accusations are true."_

Alan threw the magazine back on the counter and sipped on his black coffee. The scandal surrounding his divorce for the past two weeks has been affecting him much more than he was willing to admit. He looked up at Mark as the latter made his way inside the loft. Mark's eyes studied the picture before him quickly, finding the discarded magazine.

"That's old news, Al."

"That's what happens when you go on a week-long drinking binge, I guess." Alan tried to laugh it off, but Mark remained serious.

"I want you to promise me that you won't do anything stupid."

"What do you mean?" Alan looked at his friend without any comprehension.

Mark stepped inside the kitchen, holding a rolled-up magazine. "I'm going to show you something and I want you to promise me that you won't act on your feelings."

"I can't promise you that, brother." Alan eyed the magazine. "What is it, Mark?"

"There's a cover-page story in today's issue -"

"There's a cover-page story every day in some god damn issue." Alan interrupted.

"This one's a bit different." Mark handed Alan the magazine. "Alan… Alan, don't… Alan, where are you going? Shit." Mark hit the kitchen cabinet with his foot and followed Alan out of the door.

**x x x**

The office fully encased in glass and located in one of the four corners of the floor, on one of the dozens of floors of one of the hundreds of office buildings in New York has never impressed Kate. Nevertheless, as she sat in it, patiently waiting for the editor-in-chief of the 'Angle' magazine to give her the audience for which she has been summoned, Kate could not feel any more on the spot. The blinds were open and she could see everyone peering out of their cubicles to see what would happen. The 'execution' they would call it. She swallowed as the door opened and a stocky man in his mid-forties briskly walked to the other side of the desk.

"I'll get straight to the point." He sat down, not even bothering to give her a glance. "Do you know what we do here, Kate?" Now his grey eyes pierced through her.

"We report the news?" Kate readjusted her glasses.

"We report what is going on in the world of entertainment, music, fashion, art, sport, whatever… so long as there is a noteworthy individual involved. Do you know how we do that, Kate?"

Knowing exactly where this conversation was going, the reporter tried to put her shields up. "By reporting the information that we know as being legitimate about those noteworthy individuals?"

He gave her a fake smile, catching on to her game without a problem. "Do you know why our magazine is called 'Angle'?"

Kate let out a sigh, repeating the slogan written in every employee manual and company brochure. "We report the news from every angle."

"Exactly." He leaned back in his chair. "Now, I gave you the story on Paradigm when?"

"Two weeks ago."

"Right. And you were very good with reporting on the divorce, I'll give you that. But then, where are the other angles, Kate?"

She shifted in the chair that has been becoming more and more uncomfortable by the second. "There were no other angles. It's an uncontested divorce, neither party has agreed to comment on it. I couldn't -"

"Never say that you couldn't do something in my office." He interrupted. "For the past week I've been reading about the affairs, the careers, the fights… yet somehow none of it was here -"

"With all due respect, none of those stories have been confirmed -"

"Really?" He threw a magazine in front of her. "Then how do you explain that?" Kate stared at the cover speechless, while her editor's eyes pierced through her skull. "You gained some points by finding the story and then you screwed it up by failing to follow up. Get me something that no one else has or you're out of here."

**x x x**

The elevator chimed as the doors opened and Alan determinately walked towards the office behind a heavy oak door. The secretary to his left got up from her chair, seeing the determination written both in his face and in his stance.

"Mr. Frank is on a conference call, you can't just barge into -"

She was cut off as Alan pushed the door open and kept on going, until he was standing directly in front of Simon Frank's desk.

"I'll have to call you back." Simon replaced the receiver and nodded for his secretary to leave.

Alan threw the magazine on top of the polished desk. "What the fuck is this, Simon?"

Alan and Michiru smiled in the picture taken at one of the photo shoots and never published before. Their happiness radiated from the cover, right above the title that read:

"_From Heaven to Hell: the real story from Simon Frank."_


	23. CH 22

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Haruka and Michiru's characters, they belong to Naoko Takeuchi. All other characters and this story belong to me. This story is fictional. Any references to real life companies, places and events are weaved into a web of fiction and do not have any connection with reality.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**AN:** The chaos continues, the true colors start to come out… and we're moving closer to the disastrous effects.

_**petiyaka: **_Michiru just complains a lot. I mean, for real, she has her career and no problems. Yes she made sacrifices, but to be honest, they were just her selfish choices. So it's been coming for a long while. I mean you can't have everything you want to have (depressing much? Sorry, I have no idea what's up with me today). Simon will kinda explain himself below. Hey, reading too much can hurt your eyes!

_**ilovemichiru25: **_Oh what would I do, what would I do with the poor speedo guy… If I learned that he only has that one pair and despite flag desecration being a crime, I'd pull the first one I saw off the building and handed it to him so that he can make himself another pair. Or wrap himself in it. Or use it as a cape. Or whatever. Back to the story… no I have special plans for that long-forgotten pregnancy, so Mark is definitely not in that picture. I'm undecided about how Haruka will react to the news… I guess it will depend on my mood that day :p

_**Fusionmix: **_What can I say, logic occasionally shuts the door in my face and I am left one on one with my crazy imagination… now that's scary in a dark room with logic gone… Aaaanyway, yeah, if it wasn't for a complete mind block at the end of this chapter, I would've updated sooner.

_**Mm-Burnt-Toast-mM: **_You know what I find weird but true in life? When you expect something to happen (reporters take a picture of you being dragged away by your gf), it doesn't. Instead it sneaks up on you out of nowhere… like it will here. If you think Simon is a douche, you just wait and see (*evil smirk)

_**SeraEris: **_Kate will play a major role in this whole disaster, you'll just have to wait and see the progress. Hey, if it makes you that happy, you should get out to Japan more often :) (I know, really easy and totally inexpensive… riiiiight).

_**Tenoh and Kaioh: **_What the hell did you do to H&M? Why are they in a glass box? I'll send a unicorn to break it… It might bring apple pies and other weapons Jce gave it, so be prepared… Oh, the reporters can do whatever they want and connect Haruka to everything… provided they have photos to prove it… and guess what? Remember that very first one all the way back from outside the airport in Italy? It will come back. I think in the next chappie.

_**Mantaray:**_ Oh, it can be worse than Simon giving an interview… it could be someone closer, who gives an interview in good faith and then the words are taken out of context. What the hell am I talking about? You'll see.

_**imjce: **_I am like an energizer bunny… minus the drum and the humping that is generally attributed to that animal o_O. Technically, Brad and Angie adopted most of their kids, so you can still rest your case there :) You want me to send Alan back to T? I could… then describe another deranged fan, this time of Michiru's, getting out of control… and then getting her ass kicked all across the city. Fun times. You can still listen to Perez Hilton in the hospital to get your inside scoop. PS: I have friends with a wireless network called "Project Unicorn" wwweeeeeee

This chapter is rated **"M"** for totally out of nowhere sexual content and some swearing which is only appropriate for the context.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**Chapter 22**

Alan threw the magazine on top of the polished desk. "What the fuck is this, Simon?"

"This is damage control." Simon relaxed back into his chair as though they were discussing the weather forecast for the day.

"Damage control? You went on the record and told some god damn reporter about my married life! After you told me not to respond to any of the questions, you went and talked about something you have no knowledge of whatsoever behind my back!"

"Sit down, Alan."

Alan shoved the chair Simon pointed at towards the desk. "You're done telling me what to do. Consider this an official notice. Paradigm is no longer under your label."

"It's not as easy as you think."

"Really? I'm sure your breach of loyalty is a good enough basis for us to get out of the contract."

"I didn't breach your loyalties, Alan. On the contrary, I gave an interview that put Paradigm in a better light. So stop whining and throwing petty threats."

"You're out of you fucking mind if you think that I'm not serious." Alan grabbed the magazine and opened it to the article. "Better light? '_Music industry is infused with competitiveness and some people are unable to keep that separate from their personal life. This isn't the first relationship that was ruined because of ambition.'_ Who is this putting in a better light? You didn't have the balls to say what you wanted to and put Michiru's name in that sentence, so you put it in general terms, leaving it to complete interpretation."

"Taken out of the context, maybe, but not in light of the full article. I didn't say one bad thing about you in that whole piece."

"Right." Alan turned the page. "_Michiru Kaioh is a talented violinist, but she has never been able to catch up to Paradigm's pace. There were attempts to jumpstart her own career by playing live with Paradigm at the initial stages, then she just married into the band." _Alan looked up. "What kind of shit is that?"

Simon shrugged. "Tell me it's not true."

Alan threw the magazine back on the table. "It's not true, Simon. You had no right to go behind my back and you have no right to say anything about my wife."

The door flew open again and this time Mark made his way determinately through the office. "Come on, Al, leave the scumbag be."

Alan took in a deep breath, the air finally letting him see past the blinding rage. This was not just about him. He had four bandmates to think about. "Consider this my first and last warning. Do something like this again and Paradigm goes rogue."

**x x x**

It took her a couple of hours to give the statement to the police. To her annoyance, it was not the interview itself that took a while, it was waiting for the interview to begin. Michiru could not understand why she, as a victim, expected to show up for an interview, had to wait for over an hour for the said interview to start. Her mood did not better as she was flocked by paparazzi on her way back to the hotel, at which point she realized fully that there was absolutely no way she could go outside with Haruka. Having to be locked in a hotel suite may have been romantic just a few weeks ago, but having known freedom with her girlfriend, Michiru felt like she was suffocating.

They sat around a small round table, eating their late lunch ordered through room service. Michiru's phone continuously buzzed in her purse. She finally got up and looked at the caller ID. Snorting, she shut the phone off and threw it on the bed.

"Anne might be calling about the bodyguard." Haruka pointed out.

"She can use the hotel phone."

"Who is it?"

Michiru sat back in her chair, her appetite gone. "It's Alan."

Haruka set her utensils down. "Talk to him."

"Are you out of your mind?"

"Can you stop saying that I'm out of my mind? I'm not the irrational one here, Michiru." Haruka studied the stubborn features of her girlfriend. "He's not the one who gave interview, he's probably just as pissed as you are."

"I don't care! It's his agent, he should've controlled him. Since when are you on Alan's side anyway?"

"I'm not on Alan's side, Michi. I'm just saying that it's only getting worse, not better."

"Maybe I should cancel the rest of this tour and go back home."

Haruka got up and walked behind the violinist, setting her hands on Michiru's shoulders. Slowly, she started to massage the tension out of the petite frame. "What difference will it make to sit behind the closed door here or in Monza?"

Michiru leaned back into Haruka, feeling like she was on the edge of breaking down. "Why can't we just live our lives?"

"We can make a public announcement that you and I are dating, but that would only add fuel to the fire."

Michiru shook her head. "You have another race anyway. When are you leaving?"

"I'm not. My next race is right here." She kissed the surprised woman on the temple and continued massaging her shoulders.

**x x x**

"Miss Kaioh, my name is Kate Donovan, I'm a reporter with Angle. I realize that you must be getting numerous similar phone calls, but I was wondering if you would be willing to answer a few questions on the record… I… I'm the reporter who ran the original story about your marriage and I would appreciate an opportunity to do a follow-up with facts as stated by you. My phone number is (212) 555-7836."

Kate replaced the receiver and stared at it for a while, knowing that the message she just left was in vain. On the other hand, even a remote chance of saving her job was better than nothing. She turned around as Chelsea returned to her cubicle.

"Have you heard about the attack?"

Kate sighed. "Yeah, a crazed fan?"

"Yep. A friend from British newspaper told me all about it. Too bad the nationals beat is with that one, it may have taken the heat off your back."

"I doubt it."

They both turned as a young man with a mail cart stopped by their cubicles, handing each of them a package of letters held together by a rubber band. As Kate mindlessly thumbed through hers, she came to a brown 8.5"x5" envelope with no return address. She furrowed her brow and grabbed the letter opener. After she carefully cut the side of the envelope, Kate took out a stack of ten photographs. There was no letter, no note. Just standard-sized color photographs printed on Kodak paper available anywhere from nearby Walgreens to photo studio, to one's own printer.

"Oh my god."

Chelsea peered across her shoulder as Kate kept continuously looking through the pictures.

"No shit! Oh this is good, girl, you just got your career back."

"This is not my career, Chel, I didn't go to Columbia to do this."

"I'm sorry miss professional reporter who's above the rest of us... looks like you have a little angel over your shoulder anyway. I wish someone did my job for me."

Kate dropped the pictures on her desk and turned to face her neighbor. "Someone did. Chel, that's Haruka Tenoh. We both get the credit for this. He's your responsibility."

Chelsea smiled wide, the realization finally dawning on her. Kate took a deep breath and turned back to the photos. The one on top was of Haruka and Michiru having dinner together at some small restaurant. The next one showed them walking together the streets of Rome, holding hands. The third was a picture of Michiru sitting in the stands at a race. It did not take long for Kate to find out that it was the Canadian Grand Prix just a little over two weeks ago. Another photograph showed Haruka in the background of some sort of a social event. Michiru was in the middle, shaking someone's hand as she held the violin with the other. Kate figured it must have been after one of her concerts. The forth photo revealed Haruka and Michiru in front of La Sagrada Familia. Checking against the F1 schedule Chelsea pulled out, Kate figured the two must have been in Barcelona in May.

The other five photographs did not say much about surroundings, but rather spoke volumes of the two subjects they depicted. In one they were at a beach, facing each other. Haruka's open hand was caught tracing the length of Michiru's arm, while the two stared at each other. In another, Haruka was kissing Michiru's neck. They were leaning against a building dressed in formal attire. Their silhouettes were illuminated by a streetlamp. Even though the image was grainy, Kate had no problem identifying the two. The other three photographs showed them kissing on three different occasions in three different places.

The small envelope Kate received contained something that could have been sold at a very high price. The brunette wondered why someone would send these photos to her anonymously, but, she was not going to complain about the gift. Quickly picking the image for the cover and three more for the full-page spread she was sure she would get for her story, Kate began to type.

**x x x**

Tuesday morning did not bring any relief. Hesitantly, Michiru turned on her phone and looked through the list of missed calls. The number did not even compare to the list of e-mails she got as her Google Voice transcribed the dozens of voicemails left on her official line by the reporters. She closed her e-mail without bothering to read any of the messages and dialed the voicemail for her mobile.

"_Michiru… since I doubt that you either forgot my voice or haven't received any of my previous messages, there isn't a point to say who this is… isn't really a point in leaving this message, is there? Call me."_

Michiru looked at her sleeping girlfriend with a tinge of embarrassment as she deleted the voicemail Haruka left on Sunday.

"_Hey da'ling nice of you not to pick up the phone after being attacked, makes me feel real reassured that you're alright. I'll call Haruka."_

Max did call Haruka and Michiru spoke with her the day before, so she did not feel particularly guilty about that one.

"_Michiru, this is Anne, I'm on my way to your room… I guess I'll call there."_

Delete.

"_Hi Michiru, this is Shane Lambert, I'm calling about the status of your divorce filing. Please give me a call back at (212) 555-2429."_

Delete.

"_Mich, this is Amanda, I heard what happened, are you alright? Please give me a call back."_

Delete.

"_...Hi. It's me… I...Listen, I don't know if you've seen the fucking article, but I had nothing to do with it, I swear! Michiru… let's talk. This is turning into a circus and we need to put an end to it. By the way, I threw the magazine in Simon's face and threatened leaving the label… Mark cooled me down. Still, call me."_

"_It's me again. Please don't be that way. You know I'd never say those things about you. I've never felt this way and you of all people should know it. Come on, Mich, call me."_

"_I just heard about the assault, are you okay? Michiru, god, I'm so sorry, it's all my fault… at least you avoided all that while we were actually married, right? Please, love, don't be that way… I just want to make sure you're alright."_

"_Oh will you fucking call your husband! I mean I know you don't give two shits, but he's been calling you and calling you, worried sick about you! What kind of a cold hearted bitch just ignores that? Oh that's right, the name is Michiru Kaioh… and to think he was gonna throw our contract away just because of the stupid article, defending you in front of Simon… he hasn't said anything that isn't true, though, Michiru, did he? Don't be a fucking brat, call your husband before he drinks himself to death you stupid whore."_

Michiru pressed the 'end' button and stared at her phone in complete rage. Who was Mark, of all people, to call her all those names, to accuse her of all those things? He was the one to sabotage the whole band with his drug addiction. Michiru hit the redial button with a shaking finger. As the rings came through, she exited to the balcony, closing the doors tight.

"_Hello?"_

"Who the fuck do you think you are?"

"_Ah, the elegant violinist opens her potty mouth." _Came the sarcastic reply.

"Stay out of this, Mark. It has nothing to do with you, it's between Alan and I."

"_It was between you two until I was the only one caring about his drunken ass. He's my friend, Michiru, and you're ruining him."_

"I haven't had any contact with him, are you nuts?"

"_Listen, it's four in the morning here. If you want to yell, call me when I'm fully awake."_

Michiru bit on her lip, flinching as she drew blood. "Is Alan there?"

"_Now I have to be your fucking errand boy? You couldn't just call him directly?" _Michiru heard shuffling as Mark continued complaining. _"There."_

"_Mich?" _Alan's sleepy voice greeted her from the other end of the line.

"Hi Alan. How are you?"

"_I'm fine. More importantly, how are you? Are you okay?"_

"I'm fine, thanks. I pressed charges, they will be arraigning her tomorrow."

"_Good, good. Is… is Haruka with you?"_

Michiru squeezed her eyes, before looking back down at the street below. "Yes, Haruka is here."

"_Good… at least someone's taking care of you. You should think of more protection though."_

"I'm meeting my new bodyguard today."

Alan chuckled. _"All that convincing I tried and all I had to really do was introduce you to one of my fans." _

Michiru smiled. "I guess."

"_Listen, about the article…"_

"I don't want to talk about it, Alan."

"_You know that I had nothing to do with it, right?"_

"…"

"_Michiru, I had no control over it, he gave the interview while I was… well… drinking… I didn't see it coming, I didn't know anything until I saw the article and I confronted him right away. I promise you, he'll never say anything of the sort again."_

"Alright." Michiru yielded, knowing that there was very little fault on Alan's side. "Listen, I know that it's the middle of the night… I didn't check my voicemail until now… why don't you go back to sleep… we'll talk later."

"_You won't avoid me again?"_

"I'll try."

"_I guess that's something." _He sighed. _"Bye Mich."_

"Night Alan."

She hang up the phone, clenching it in her tight fist. The short conversation did not bring any relief. Michiru turned, startled, as the door behind her opened. "Did I wake you up?"

Haruka nodded. "Who were you yelling at?"

"Mark." She shook her head, shaking all of her dark thoughts away. "Is there a breakfast on the menu we haven't tried yet?"

Haruka smiled. "It's only been two days, Michi."

Michiru smiled and was about to kiss Haruka when the phone inside the room rang. "That must be Anne." She hurried to pick it up.

**x x x**

The four sat at an otherwise empty restaurant, nothing but glasses of water on the table between them. Both Haruka and Michiru openly eyed the man sitting across in assessment. Samuel Walsh was a 37-year-old 6'2" brunette man of medium built. His hazel eyes projected a strange mix of coldness and reassurance. As many other men in his profession, he used to have a career with the force, in his case, the Royal Air Force. After retiring at the age of thirty-two, Sam found employment in the private field. His resume stated that he was good in both the security measures and hand-to-hand combat, he owned a number of licensed guns, one of which was clearly visible in its holster as he sat across from them, and he possessed many other skills he acquired on the job.

After the introductions and a short interview, Michiru did not find anything in particular against the man. He was quiet, but exuded confidence. Exactly what she needed. Someone who knew what he was doing and stayed out of her way.

Haruka did consider herself a good judge of character, it was a necessity she had to learn over the years in order to not blow her cover. The man in front of her was completely relaxed, not a care in the world in his stance as he answered their questions. To her, it did not mean that he did not care about getting the job, but rather showed that he was confident that he had enough skill required for the job to get it. She noted how he threw a glance over his shoulder without interrupting his sentence when someone entered through the kitchen door. His hand automatically moved in a position from which he could withdraw his gun if need be. It was smooth enough for the other two women not to notice and Haruka liked that. The last thing she wanted was hysterical Michiru on her hands. She was learning quite quickly that Michiru did not do well with stress and Haruka has not had enough experience taking care of hysterical women. In the end, she herself could revert to one. She sighed and nodded silently to Anne.

Anne looked at Michiru and got the same go ahead. She took out a thin folder and a pen and put it in front of Sam. "This is a standard at-will employment contract and a confidentiality agreement. I am sure you understand that anything and everything you learn about Ms. Kaioh and Mr. Tenoh will have to remain undisclosed."

For the first time Sam smiled, averting his eyes to the documents. "I understand." He signed the documents and handed them back to Anne. "Now that the awkward stage is behind us, I'd like to know what your schedule looks like in the near future and also where you will be staying."

Michiru signed her name on the contract and looked up at her bodyguard. "I have concerts in Britain, Scotland and Ireland every Friday and Saturday through the end of July. After that I will be going to Italy. Generally I stay at the hotels in the city where my performances are scheduled to be. My last performance in London is this weekend, then I'll be in Dublin the weekend after."

"Actually…" Anne interrupted. "My house is in West Tilbury. Maybe you should stay there for the next month and just fly out for the weekends."

Both Haruka and Michiru looked at each other, considering the possibilities. Being in the country and not locked in a hotel room seemed like a very plausible idea. "That would be wonderful."

Sam nodded. "That certainly makes my job easier."

"It's settled then." Anne smiled.

**x x x**

There were two buildings on Anne's property in West Tilbury: one used to be a stable with adjacent servant quarters and was now converted into a garage with abundance of guest space, the other was the main house. The property was hidden from the road by shrubbery and trees, only the gates to the long driveway could be spotted among the leaves. The long driveway curved slightly as it neared the garage and split into an oval coming to the main house. More trees and some sculptures populated the interior of the oval. The other half of the property, beyond the house, was nothing but a vast lawn. Haruka looked longingly at the garage as Michiru made her way inside the main house with Anne. She watched as Sam returned from his quick survey of the property. As he neared the driveway, Haruka caught up with him and they walked the rest of the way to the house together.

"There is something I want to clear up with you." She began as they walked in toe. He threw her a sideways glance, indicating that she had his full attention. "I may be around Michiru a lot, but she is your only client. If something happens, I want you to completely disregard the fact that you may have become acquainted with me at that point and forget that I'm even there. She is your top priority, she is your only client. You are responsible for her well-being."

Sam stopped walking through the middle of her speech, figuring that it would take longer to finish the conversation than to reach the house. "I read the contract before I signed it. Ms. Kaioh's protection is the only reason I'm here… but if you want me to consciously not extend you a helping hand even if you needed it, I have no problem with that."

"That's exactly what I need you to do. In fact, I want you to forget that I'm even here."

Sam chuckled. "With all due respect, Ms. Tenoh, it's impossible to forget about someone who's constantly near my client."

Haruka's ears perked up at the way the man addressed her and she narrowed her eyes, trying to see if he misspoke. His face told her he did not. "How do you know?"

"Your body language. I noticed it at the restaurant… don't take this the wrong way… your body per se doesn't give you away, not in these clothes… it's the way you move. The mannerisms. I mean, if I saw you by yourself, I would have thought that you were… a gay man, but seeing how you are obviously involved with Ms. Kaioh, I figured you're -"

"A gay woman?" She half-smiled in amusement.

Sam smiled back. "I was going to say a woman, but sure."

Haruka nodded slowly, wondering how many people over the years have noticed that too. On the other hand, it could have been Michiru's presence that made her act the way she did. She shook off the ominous feeling that has been hanging over her head for the past few months.

"You should mention your observation skills on the resume, that'd get you even more clients."

He laughed wholeheartedly. "Thanks, but I'm not lacking clients as it is. It's all about the reputation."

"That's very true." That was also true in her field. Haruka got inside the house, hoping there was a piano she could occupy herself with until the next Grand Prix. She needed something to take the edge off.

**x x x**

Michiru came back to London for her two performances that went without a glitch. Though she felt very apprehensive about leaving the concert venue on Friday, Sam's presence provided both the reassurance she needed to walk out with her head up high and the barrier she needed for the paparazzi to stay out of her way. All in all, her perspective on having a bodyguard changed a bit after that weekend. She came back to Anne's estate Saturday night and would have spent five days of pure bliss with her girlfriend, if it was not for the age of technology.

Her phone rang right after she finished lunch on Monday. Checking the caller ID, Michiru cheerfully greeted her best friend.

"_Must I always be the bearer of bad news?" _Max's voice void of any happiness replied.

"What's wrong?" Michiru felt her own glee die away.

"_I guess you don't get the news out in the country. I'll see if I can scan you a copy of this. In the mean while… there isn't really any other way to say it… your relationship is out. Angle printed a cover-story on you and Haruka in today's issue."_

Michiru's mouth suddenly turned dry. She put the phone on speaker and dropped it on the table, hiding her face in the palms of her hands. "Haruka's here, you're on speaker. Go on."

"_I really think it would be better if you saw this than if I described it to you."_

"How bad is it? I mean do they have something to back it up?"

"_Mich, they printed pictures of the two of you…"_

"What kind of pictures?" Haruka's voice was loud and clear, enough for Max to move her phone away from her ear on the other end of the line.

"_You're safe, they don't… you know… it's just of the two of you. You look intimate enough though, I mean there's no question that you're in a relationship after looking at this."_

"You know, Max, I'm gonna permanently block your number. You don't call about anything good."

"_As I told Mich, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I think she prefers to know."_

"Yeah, but you're on the other end of the line, I'm the one who has to deal with her grief."

"_I'm sure you can manage… I mean I clearly remember how you-"_

"Wow, wow, wow, okay, hey…" Haruka grabbed the phone, ready to disconnect it at any moment. "Don't ever go there!"

Max's laughter reached them from the other end of the line. _"Come on, I'm sure Michiru can handle it. Right Mich?" _Max heard nothing in response but light shuffling. _"Michiru, are you still there?" _Nothing. _"Haruka, are you there?" _A light moan, loud enough for her to hear was the only response. _"Oh screw you guys, you didn't have to do that with me on the line… that's just gross."_

Michiru raised Haruka's hand that was still holding the phone as Haruka's mouth attached to her neck sent pleasurable sensations through her entire body. "Don't bring up your relationship with my girlfriend up again and I will spare you."

"_Fine. You know what, I'll send you that magazine. Happy lovemaking."_

Haruka leaned back, remembering all about the original reason for Max's call. "What a mood breaker."

Michiru readjusted herself in Haruka's lap, straddling the blonde in the process. "She still has to scan it and until we see it we can pretend that it doesn't exist." She caught Haruka's lips and thrust her tongue inside the racer's mouth.

Haruka knew that Michiru was deflecting, but she much preferred that way of dealing with the problem than facing it head on with a woman who tended to tell her that she was insane in any conversation that mentioned media. She caressed Michiru's back as the smaller woman edged in closer, bringing her hips against Haruka's stomach.

"You know, Sam's around." Haruka whispered barely breaking the kiss.

"I'm sure he can handle it." Michiru unbuttoned the shirt Haruka was wearing and parted it, revealing nothing but her girlfriend's smooth skin underneath. Seeing how Sam already knew of her gender, Haruka saw no reason to not be herself around the estate. As Michiru's hands that cupped her breasts sent warm sensation down to her core, Haruka moved the plates to the other side of the table and sat Michiru on the edge of the table.

"I don't think so." Michiru protested, her voice hoarse from desire.

Haruka moved away from the creamy neck and looked up at the ocean blues. "You mean you're actually thinking while we're doing this?"

"Of course I… ahh-"

Haruka smirked as she withdrew her fingers from Michiru's opening, bringing the hem of her dress higher. "You were saying?"

Michiru kicked the blonde playfully with her toes. "I was saying that you're mistaken if you think you're just going to go down on me."

"Uh huh." Haruka sat back in the chair, moving it closer and eying her dessert. "Why don't you tell me more about that while I do this."

Michiru was about to do just that when she felt a wet tongue against her burning center and her hips buckled in response. Her feet found support on top of Haruka's thighs and her fingers dug into the tousled blonde locks. She stifled a moan as Haruka's hands found their way to her breasts, massaging the erect nipples. As the ministrations continued, Michiru felt the wave of pleasure rising. She pulled on the hair, making Haruka face her. Slipping off the table and back into Haruka's lap, Michiru kissed her lover roughly, tasting herself in the process and feeling the long fingers slip between her wet folds, driving her closer to the release. She broke the kiss and stared straight into clouded grays.

"You know, I don't care about that article. In fact, I want the whole world to know that we're together, that you're mine. Because I'll never share you with anyone else."

Haruka smiled, feeling the walls around her fingers starting to contract. She leaned closer, nibbling on Michiru's ear before she replied. "You'll say anything to get that orgasm, won't you?"

Michiru did not reply as pure pleasure rocked her body. In that moment in time she really did not care about anyone else or anything else for that matter. All she felt was an overwhelming feeling of love towards the woman she sat on top of.

**x x x**

"Shane, hi, this is Michiru, I'm just returning your call." Michiru watched Haruka turn on her laptop in anticipation of the e-mail from Max.

Her attorney did not seem to mind that it took Michiru over a week to return his call. _"Hi Michiru. Give me just a moment to pull your file… Okay, I got the hearing date, it will be on August 25th at 10 A.M."_

Michiru's full attention returned to the phone. "Wait, a hearing date?"

"_Yes, the judge will only grant you a divorce after both you and Mr. Carey testify that the separation agreement was made in good faith, that you have not lived together or reconciled in the past year and answer any other questions he may have."_

"He should read the yellow press, that would be sufficient." Michiru noted sarcastically. "Shane, is press allowed in the court room?"

"_I'll make sure they're not."_

"Thanks, I'd appreciate it. What happens after the hearing?"

"_Once the judge grants you the divorce decree you walk out a free woman."_

"Will we have any problems?"

"_I don't foresee any. Your assets were divided in the agreement, you've been apart for more than a year… I spoke with Mr. Carey's attorney and I think both parties just want to be done with it."_

Michiru did not even know that Alan had a divorce attorney, though it did make sense. "Okay. I will see you on the twenty-fifth then."

"_Call me if you have any questions before."_

"Will do, thanks Shane." Michiru hang up, turning her attention back to Haruka. "Did we get it?"

"Yeah. Ready?"

Michiru nodded once, standing behind Haruka. The racer opened the attachment, the cover of Angle appearing in front of them. Under the picture of the two of them walking hand in hand, the title read: "The New Man?"

"They couldn't come up with a better line?" Haruka mumbled as she scrolled to the next page. There were three pictures of them in the next three pages: one where Michiru was at the race, one from their visit to Barcelona and one where the two were kissing. The article itself brought up the divorce proceeding, gave a bit of information on both Haruka and Michiru, brought up some of Haruka's past 'conquests' and speculated on their relationship.

"Kate Donovan… where have I heard that name before?" Michiru mumbled the only thing that came out as she stared at the photo where they were kissing, groping to each other like there was no tomorrow.

Haruka was looking at the photograph on the other page. "Fucking piece of shit."

Michiru almost jumped from the sudden outburst. "What's wrong? Other than the obvious."

Haruka's fist relaxed as she let out a forced breath. "Nothing." She grabbed her phone and dialed her manager's number. After three long rings Joe picked up. "Have you seen the article?"

"_Yeah, I saw it."_

"Then how come I find out from anyone but you?"

"_I was actually about to give you a call."_

"Save it. When are you flying in?"

"_I'll be there Thursday night… unless you want me to get there earlier."_

"Thursday's fine. Bring a copy of the magazine with you when you come."

There was a short silence on the other end of the line. _"Sure. Was there anything else?"_

Haruka's strained voice sent chills through the line. "Not now."

**x x x**

**Whether it was luck or carefully orchestrated scheme that made me invincible to the reporters for six years I don't know, but it all seemed to end with that first article. I mean every supposed relationship I had was highly publicized, but never once was it documented to the same degree. That article was the first wasp that broke through the walls of the nest, the rest followed. Of course, I had my best friend to thank for that.**


	24. CH 23

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Haruka and Michiru's characters, they belong to Naoko Takeuchi. All other characters and this story belong to me. This story is fictional. Any references to real life companies, places and events are weaved into a web of fiction and do not have any connection with reality.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**AN:** I know, you're all loving the update schedule. :) Me too. I want to get along with this one and continue the sequel for IAAU2 and then I have another idea that's been itching my brain… imagine that? It tingles when that happens :)

_**petiyaka: **_1). What is wrong with you? Why are you reading from the pool! 2). I love the fact that the chapter caused a reaction that made you review from the pool.

_**SeraEris: **_Must you always be in tune with my mind? Am I that predictable? Gosh. PS: Yeah, going to Japan is so cheap I spend every weekend there. In my dreams!

_**Mm-Burnt-Toast-mM: **_No, sometimes I have a mischievous grin when I'm writing this story. I think I am getting predictable… tsk tsk tsk… losing my touch.

_**Tenoh and Kaioh: **_I saw 'Fabio' being mentioned, but I was too involved with the story to find out what the deal was. I have to say, though, I'd never think you were talking about a unicorn… to me Fabio is the Latin hunk that appears in every movie or series lately… the lady killer who's full of himself… they're all Fabios. So I'm glad you cleared it up :) On another note, dude, what are you smoking? Did you open that box where you've been keeping H&M and got intoxicated or something? The only thing I'm getting on is a headache from writing as much as I've been in the past few days… you're confusing me with my characters :( Have you ever met a bodyguard that isn't creepy? I think they all are one way or the other.

_**Fate-187:**_ Sorry, they solve one problem only to find themselves in another.

_**CoOkiE86: **_Thanks, I brought Kate and Chelsea to sort of show how things work on the other end… that and the fact that they will be the ones who blew the card house and will do so again. Your Max sense is very keen, except that her role in revealing Haruka's sex will be very secondary. Hey, I know that feeling of hallucinating after constant lack of sleep very well… that's when my writing hits its all top high… when I'm free I go 'la la la, I don't feel like doing anything and don't have any ideas'… but yes, it is strange that you are sticking to the fics to keep you sane, especially Jce's… there's no sanity there whatsoever :D just a lot of bitch slapping and death… and unicorns

_**imjce: **_dude, you have one wild imagination. Anne and Amanda? Pfff I could write a whole side story based on the manipulative character you described… then again, I kinda got my hands full with everything that's going on as it is. You know, even good intentions can turn into rotten apple pies. No? Read on, case in point. Ah, make that 2 rotten apple pies. By the way, I wasn't planning what happens in this chapter when I wrote that scene between S&M, but it all worked out quite dashingly… without tampons or ninjas (must you mention ninjas after the awful movie I watched last night? You have a keen sense on mentioning things from the movies I see the night before… it's weird and creepy… or is it?)

_**ilovemichiru25: **_I would make an argument that anyone who wears clothing that resembles the star-spangled banner desecrates the flag… starting with the speedo guy :) Oh no, Kate and Haruka have never met… the friend who screwed her is right down below. Don't stop reading now :p I know someone who's dating a Mark… I don't like him either. Fine, if you insist, I promise that H&M will not break up under pressure… I find that too-beat up. Everyone else I can't vouch for. People deal with stress differently. Xexexe. I'm not intending to kill anyone in this story, but I can't vouch for their physical safety otherwise… I will also not tell who it is and so on… It's coming in the next chapter. Join the club 'on the lookout for Max'… Myself, Jce and a few others have been searching for her for a while… except that I know exactly what my intentions would be if I found her… xexe

Warning: Swearing because why wouldn't you under the circumstances? Otherwise harmless

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**Chapter 23**

Haruka stood just outside the doors of the main house, watching the taxi slowly approach around the oval driveway. It stopped in front of the steps, revealing Joe. The driver helped him get the luggage out of the trunk and then got back in the car. They both watched the taillights disappear before Joe turned to the racer. Haruka walked down the steps and approached the man that stood near his two suitcases. With all her might, she threw a right punch, sending him down to the pavement, nursing the side of his jaw.

"What the fuck, Haruka?" Joe scrambled back to his feet, his stance defensive.

"What the fuck Haruka? The right question is what the fuck, Joe?" She approached, raising her hand again. Joe caught it as she was about to deliver another blow, but her left fist reached him in the stomach this time.

Realizing that she was not kidding, nor was she about to stop, Joe sent her flying back with a knee to her stomach. The uneven surface of the driveway scraped the palms of her hands as she supported her torso. Haruka coughed off the nauseating feeling and got back to her feet, approaching the annoyed man once more.

Michiru came out of the house, followed by Sam, after her girlfriend did not return with her manager as the violinist expected. The picture in the middle of the dark driveway illuminated only by the lamps on the side of the house made her stop in shock. Both friends were walking towards each other, both ready to strike.

"What are you doing?" Her exclamation drew Haruka's attention, giving Joe an opportunity to hit Haruka square in the jaw. Her whole body swayed a little, then she spat out blood, turning her full attention back to the man. "Stop!" Michiru yelled, starting to run down the steps. A strong arm held her back.

"Sorry, but you're not going there." Sam's calm voice announced.

"Let go of me!" Michiru shouted, trying to force her way out of his grip and help Haruka.

"Either you stop fighting me or I will restrain you." Sam replied cooly.

Michiru stopped resisting and turned to him. "Then go help her."

He shook his head. "I'm staying right here."

Michiru stared at him in complete disbelief. "I will fire you if you don't help her."

"Sorry ma'am, but defending your girlfriend is not in my job description, nor is it her wish."

Michiru was going to continue her argument, when she heard more shuffling from the driveway and a low grunt. She turned to see Joe on the pavement with Haruka straddling him, her fists punching his now bleeding face.

Joe brought his arms up in defense, no longer trying to hit her. "Stop! Haruka, stop, what the hell is up your ass?"

"You!" She finally stopped hitting him, her breathing labored. Haruka spat the blood that accumulated in her mouth from her broken lip and got up. "Why did you do it?"

"Why did I do what?" Joe turned to his side, wiping the dripping blood with his dirty hand.

"Why did you sell them the pictures?"

Joe sat up, his expression sincerely offended. "I didn't sell any pictures to anyone! You're out of your god damn mind!"

"Where's the magazine?" He narrowed his healthy eye, pointing to the side pocket of one of his suitcases. Haruka unzipped it roughly, pulling out the issue of Angle. She thumbed through it, finally opening it to the spread. "Explain this to me."

He stared at the picture of the two of them kissing. "I have no idea where this was even taken!"

"Not that one, Joe. The other one." She pointed to the picture taken in Barcelona. "I mean how dumb do you have to be to do this?"

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

Haruka threw the magazine in his lap. "The picture in front of the La Sagrada Familia. You took it. There were no reporters there, we posed for you. Only you, me and Michiru have that photograph."

Joe swallowed audibly, throwing the magazine to the grass. "So what?"

"Why did you do it? I mean if you wanted to make money, you should've gone all the way, told them that I'm a woman. This is just petty cash."

Joe scrambled to his feet. "I didn't do this for the money you moron. I didn't get a penny for it. All I did was take you out of your misery. You don't have to hide anymore. You both were afraid to take that step, someone had to make it for you. Now that your relationship is out you're free to do whatever you want."

"It wasn't your decision to make!" Haruka roared.

"Maybe it wasn't. Congratulations, you beat the shit out of me. Are you satisfied?"

"Not nearly, but I will be when the sex tape you made with Amanda reaches Miss Donovan at Angle."

Now Joe was clearly visible in the darkness. His pale face was contorted with pure fear. "You didn't."

Haruka smiled despite the pain that it brought to her bruised face. "How does it feel, Joe? When friends betray you?"

Joe's reaction was exactly the same. He reached out and punched Haruka, this time in the shoulder. She rubbed her sore flesh as Joe rubbed his sore knuckles. "I didn't send any of the pictures of the two of you having sex! You know how many I have? Between Anne and I we can host a porn website!"

"It doesn't matter! You betrayed my trust, that's all that matters. An eye for an eye."

"I see I taught you well." Joe finally forced out. Haruka shook her head and headed back into the house.

**x x x**

They both sat in the opposite corners of the room, holding ice packs to their swollen faces. Michiru quietly disinfected Haruka's wounds and placed bandaids, attending to Joe next. Not a word passed between the three since they got there. Sam sat in the corner, chewing on some peanuts and enjoying the show. Once she was done, Michiru cleaned up and came back, taking a seat in a chair, away from everyone.

"This was a very stupid thing to do the night before the race." She finally said in a cold tone.

Joe and Haruka looked at each other's faces and realized how true her words rang. There was absolutely no way their bruises would go away before morning, causing more controversy.

"Did you really send that tape?" Joe finally asked.

Haruka sighed, lowering her icepack. When she got a stern glance from Michiru she brought it right back. "I didn't even know you have one."

Joe looked at the ceiling, cursing himself for his stupidity.

"Besides, it would only escalate things." She caught his eyes. "I wanted you to know how I feel."

"Yeah, I got it." He shifted forward, not braking his gaze. "I'm sorry, I really didn't see anything bad coming out of this. I mean it would come out eventually, but drive you insane in the process."

"As I said, that wasn't your call to make. Especially when you're doing the same."

Joe nodded. "I'm sorry. Amanda and I are actually going to come out next week." He looked at his icepack. "Or whenever these bruises go away… and announce the engagement." After the uncomfortable silence spread, Joe continued. "Where does this leave us?"

Haruka gave him another long stare. "I made my point. Talk to my girlfriend."

Joe turned to Michiru, squirming at the expression on her face. "Okay, what can I do to make it up to you?"

Michiru snorted. "You can't take it back, so what is there to do?"

"Michiru, I've been doing this for a long time. I know how media works. Trust me, this will just free up your relationship."

"Well excuse me if I have no trust in you whatsoever."

**x x x**

Chelsea chatted away as the newly formed reporting duo went through her file on Haruka Tenoh. "So for the Monday issue I was thinking of doing a piece on how long this relationship has been going on."

Kate raised a brow skeptically. "We don't know how long it's been going on."

"We can estimate based on the pictures. You know, when they've been taken, where and so on. I have a hunch that that's why her marriage fell apart."

"You're speculating again." Kate sighed.

"Come on, obviously Kaioh is good at hiding stuff… first her marriage, then this. I think there are a lot of skeletons in her closet. How cool would it be to find them first?"

"Makes my skin tingle."

Chelsea turned to her work partner. "What's up with you?"

"I don't know. I just feel dirty. Like I'm going through someone's dirty laundry. I sent my resume out again a few weeks ago and had no response. At all."

"It's the economy."

"That's what I keep telling myself, but I can't help but feel that the longer I stay here, the smaller my chances are. I can't quit because I need the money and I can't do serious journalism while I'm here. It's catch 22."

"Just don't let that dream of yours die and you'll be just fine. Give it some time. In the meantime let's make sure that you at least have this job." Kate gave her a small smile and they turned back to the file. Chelsea pulled out a photograph from the very bottom. "Crap, I had this sitting here all along!"

"You can barely tell that it's the two of them." Kate noted, although the tint of aqua hair was unmistakable. She could only guess that the person leaning into her was Haruka.

"Come on, aqua hair, blonde hair and Ferrari equal those two. I wonder when and where this is."

"Can you tell by the car?"

Chelsea shook her head. "It's the Italia. It was released last year, which would place them anywhere past last September. The 2011 model just came out a couple of months ago, but it's hard to tell at this angle which one it is. Besides, since he's on Ferrari's team, he might be getting them before the official release."

"You can check DMV records."

"Good point! I'll get right to it."

**x x x**

"I'm sorry I can't go with you." Haruka whispered as she hugged Michiru closer.

"I'll be fine, it's just two days." Michiru smiled, gently caressing her girlfriend's bruised face. "Good luck at the race."

"Good luck at the concert." She gave her a parting kiss and watched her get out of the car. Sam followed Michiru inside the airport. Haruka turned to the driver she inherited. "Let's go to Silverstone."

**x x x**

Ever since she entered her first competition, Haruka has never bummed a race as bad as she did that one. It was not the competition, it was not the fact that her relationship was out or that Michiru was gone, it was her body. Her hands gripping the wheel felt like they were wrapped in sand paper. She could feel every twist and every turn with her aching body, particularly her shoulder. Even the helmet seemed to press on every bruise. She knew the reporters would be all over her before she even got out of the car, let alone pulled off her helmet.

"Mr. Tenoh, over here."

"Mr. Tenoh, what happened today?"

"What happened to your face?"

"Did you and Mr. Carey have an altercation?"

Haruka raised her hand to calm them down. "Fellas, fellas, one question at a time."

"What happened to your face?"

Haruka rubbed her jaw lightly. "If I tell you I fell down the stairs, would you believe me?" A few chuckles were her answer. She smiled. "My manager and I had a bit of a disagreement last night. I don't like things to pile on my chest, so I let the steam out." She pointed at Joe sulking to the side. More laughter came from the reporters as they snapped pictures of his obviously more bruised face.

"What was the disagreement about?"

Haruka shrugged. "Managing tactics."

"Will you continue working with Mr. DiCallo after this?"

"I think after this race it's a question of whether Mr. DiCallo will continue working with me." Haruka chuckled as did some of the reporters.

"What happened today? Lots on your mind?"

"Nah, Joe may look like a wimp, but he has some pretty good punches. The car and I didn't really get in tune together."

"Mr. Tenoh, any comment on your relationship with Ms. Kaioh?"

"Comment?" Haruka raised a brow unconsciously. "It's all good."

"How long have you been seeing each other?"

"Officially since last Monday."

"And really?"

Haruka sighed audibly. "Couple of months, give or take." She figured there would be no way anyone would know they have been seeing each other since the beginning of the year. Not that it would make a difference.

"Are you the reason for Ms. Kaioh's divorce?"

"I didn't know Michiru when she filed for divorce, so unless she saw this in a crystal ball, I don't believe that even being possible." Sensing that the reporters were becoming somewhat satisfied, Haruka thanked them and left to sign some autographs.

**x x x**

Michiru bowed continuously as the audience gave her a standing ovation. She was still trying to regain her hearing from the amplifier she used for the last song and the sound reached her through a wall of vacuum. Bowing for the last time and sending a kiss, she left the stage. Michiru was back in the makeup room, packing her belongings, when Anne entered.

"There's someone here to see you."

Michiru took a seat in the only chair in the room and nodded. "Okay." She stood right back up as Sheila and Liam Carey made their way in, followed by Devin. They all stared at each other, until Michiru finally found her voice. "Please, sit down." She gestured to the couch.

"It was a good concert, Michiru, as always." Sheila praised as she took a seat next to her husband. Devin kept standing by the door, just looking at her.

"Thank you." She searched for words. "Don't take this the wrong way, but what are you doing here?"

Liam, who much like her own father took the separation the hardest, looked away as Sheila looked at Devin. After the latter kept standing quietly, she prompted. "Devin has been worried a lot. He wanted to talk to you."

Michiru turned to the youngest brother. "You came all the way to Dublin to ask me something?"

"I was visiting my parents." He explained. "Listen… Is it all my fault?"

"Your fault?"

He nodded. "You and Haruka… I can't stop thinking that if I didn't keep talking about him non-stop that maybe you and Alan would've still been together."

"Devin, you have nothing to do with this. I haven't met Haruka until the past New Years', that's almost a year after Alan and I broke up."

"But you knew of him… did you fall in love with him before you left?"

"God no." Michiru restrained herself from laughing. "If anything I wasn't nice to Haruka when we met because of all the associations… it just worked out that way. It's nobody's fault."

Devin sighed audibly. "Sorry, I just… kept thinking about it."

Michiru walked up and hugged him. "I'm sorry Devin, I never meant to hurt any of you."

After another couple of minutes of uncomfortable conversation the Carey family departed her makeup room. Michiru already said her goodbyes when she thought of something. "Devin?"

He turned around. "Hmm?"

"Do you still want to meet Haruka? I'm going to the race on Sunday… would you like to come?"

She caught the shine in his eyes before Devin came back to reality. "I'm not sure that's a good idea."

Michiru smiled, quickly scribbling her phone number on a pad of paper she grabbed from the nearby table. "Alan and Haruka already met. Here, think about it and give me a call."

That piece of information came as a surprise and Devin stared at the phone, nodding slowly.

**x x x**

In the end, Devin did come to the race and met Haruka. The two talked about the sport throughout dinner, driving Michiru absolutely crazy. She was happy, though, that at least one of her in-laws seemed to get over her looming divorce and accept her new relationship. They parted on good terms, Michiru promising to visit Devin when she came back to the States.

The month and a half that followed was full of more speculations, despite Haruka answering truthfully the questions she was asked, while Alan and Michiru kept playing the silence game. After Michiru's tour was over, she joined Haruka in Hungary, then retreated to the haven of their home. They spent most of August in Monza, where the paparazzi did not reach them yet. Their break was over as they headed back to New York for the hearing at the end of August. Haruka and Michiru spent a few days visiting the Tenoh household, where Michiru was received much warmer than she was last time. In fact, Mary did not once bring up the subject of their relationship, not even the fact that it was out in the open.

Michiru was brewing on the change in Mary's behavior as their plane touched down at JFK Airport. She sighed and turned her phone back on, sending Max a text while the plane was taxying. Grabbing their carry-ons, both lovers made their way off the plane and quickly out of the terminal, avoiding any interested eyes. Once outside, they grabbed the first available taxi.

"11th Ave and 19th Street." Haruka told the driver after they were inside. They rode in silence, Michiru cuddled up to Haruka. It was the first time they came to New York together in the nine months they have known each other. To Michiru, it was a city full of memories. It was her home.

"We're here." Haruka whispered and kissed the entranced violinist on top of her head.

"Sorry, I was just… having a memory trip." Michiru confessed.

"No bad memories I hope." Haruka helped Michiru out of the car. They paid the driver and got their suitcases.

Michiru sighed. "Alan sang 'I Sea' to me on one of these piers." She waved her head to the side.

Haruka shook her head in annoyance. "I seriously will do something to that woman. Not only does she bring the bad news all the time, but she decides to live across from a place that carries memories for you. What's up with that?"

Michiru chuckled. "I doubt she knows. She was too busy with Amanda that night. Besides, we weren't really good friends back then."

They made their way inside the building and up to Max's floor. She opened the door adorned in an apron, a wooden spoon in her hand. "What, did you walk here?"

"Like you don't know New York traffic." Michiru set her suitcase against the wall and hugged her friend. "Hi darling."

Max hugged her back with her free hand, then repeated the same process with Haruka. "I reheated the dinner. Come on, don't stand in the hallway."

"Nice place." Haruka observed, looking around. It was a one-bedroom apartment furnished minimally, but with very expensive furniture. The large windows on the opposite side of the living room with a view to the nearby Ghery building drew her attention the most.

"So, where are we staying?" Michiru asked, noting that there was only one room.

"Oh, you know, I figured we could all cuddle in together for tonight… nothing we haven't done before, right?" She jumped aside as Michiru attempted to slap her on the arm, getting slapped with the spoon instead.

Michiru rubbed her sore hand. "Did I not tell you to stop it?"

"Come on, the girl has to get her fun." Max gestured to a door. "Take the bedroom, I'll sleep on the couch."

"We didn't come here to force you out of your own bedroom." Haruka objected.

Max waved her off. "I'd rather hang out with you two and sleep on the couch than have you stay in a hotel. Now that I have a choice."

"How did the band react?" Michiru asked as Haruka put away their suitcases in the bedroom.

"The loft was getting a bit crowded, so no one seemed to mind." Max came back to the kitchen, where she turned off the steaming dinner. Pulling out three tall glasses, she filled them with ice and then lemonade. "What does Haruka drink?"

"What, you don't know that?" Michiru jabbed.

"Don't tempt me." Max pulled out a bottle of Triple Sec and topped two of the three glasses. Thinking quickly, she grabbed a bottle of Dry Vermouth and added it to the third. "Here." She handed one of the first two to Michiru.

"What's that?"

"Since when do you question my choice?"

Michiru shook her head, sipping on the clear liquid. "It's missing something."

"I don't have grenadine."

"It's not blue either."

"Same shit, less chemicals." Max started transferring food to the table dishes.

"Smells good. You should teach your friend to cook. You know, make yourself at least somehow useful." Haruka walked up to them, smirking.

"Thank god for alcohol. Otherwise I'd start to regret inviting you here."

Haruka looked at the two drinks, silently asking Max which one was hers. "You know you love us."

Max pointed to the drink she made for Haruka. "No, I'm pretty sure I love Mich, you're just cool."

"She's all miiiiine." Haruka drew out as she grabbed Michiru around the waist and brought her close, only half-joking.

"Please, just don't pull Alan on me. Been there, done that, still have no interest in her more than a friend." Max mumbled as she set the food on the table.

"How did Alan react to the possibility of his wife being with a woman?" Haruka wondered out loud.

"I don't think he thought of that when we had the little discussion. It was more along the lines of 'why don't you go fuck my wife' kinda thing."

"When?" Michiru asked as they took seats.

"Your birthday. When you guys had that fight. You know, the night you threw yourself at me."

"Lucky you." Haruka observed snidely.

"I know, right? I mean how often does the husband tell you to screw his wife and then the wife makes a move on you, right?"

"Why didn't you?" Haruka asked completely seriously.

Max sighed audibly. "Because I value our friendship a lot more. How was I supposed to know that she would turn out to be an actual lesbian?"

"Meaning you chickened out and didn't make the move." Both seemed to have forgotten that Michiru sat between them, quietly observing the conversation.

Max opened her mouth and stuffed it with salad. Once she finished chewing and noticed that Haruka still held her fork midair, she slowly responded. "Maybe I did. The fact of the matter is, she's my closest friend and it goes both ways. I've never trusted anyone as much as I trust Michiru and I know that she reciprocates in that sense. Maybe there could've been more, but it wasn't worth even the tiniest chance of damaging the relationship we had. I'll just take solace in the fact that I had you first." She smiled, knocking Haruka off of her horse so to speak. "Seriously, though, we all know I love her, maybe even more than a friend, but it will never go anywhere. I've had my heart broken once and thank you, that was enough. I much prefer no-strings attached relationships… so can we put all of these issues about feelings behind us and move on?"

"Fine by me." Haruka finally put the salad in her mouth. "Mmm… what's the dressing?"

Max smiled. "It's a vinaigrette… Amanda's recipe. She was the virtuoso in the kitchen."

"Hey, at least you got more than a heartbreak out of that relationship."

"True." Max turned to Michiru. "You've been quiet."

Michiru sipped on her drink. "Just enjoying my two most important girls battling it out. Glad to see we're all on the same page… finally."

"Have we ever not been?" Max asked seriously.

"No. I asked and you gave me a straightforward answer. Twice if I remember correctly."

"Hm… yeah. Eat, I didn't reheat all this stuff for nothing."

**x x x**

They made their way inside the courthouse through the back door. Even though Michiru's attorney promised that media would not be in the courtroom, they knew that the reporters camped out outside of the main entrance. Michiru walked in with her head high, Haruka to one side and Max to the other. Sam, who did not accompany them to visit Haruka's parents and caught up with them that morning was somewhere behind. Her bravado wavered a bit when she entered the courtroom and saw Alan at a desk with a woman she has never seen before. She assumed it was his attorney. Mark and Kyle sat in the front row, right behind them. A few bodyguards sat in the last row. It was not their presence that made Michiru almost stumble in her feet, it was the way Alan looked. He was visibly thinner and did not look healthy. Michiru turned to Max with a silent question. The latter just shook her head.

Michiru greeted her attorney and took a seat, feeling the reassuring presence of her girlfriend and her best friend right behind. After her attorney briefed her on everything that was going to happen, she turned to the table to her left.

"Hi."

Alan looked up at her from the papers he was reading. "Hi."

She searched for words, but did not know what to say, not in front of all these people. Michiru also noticed that Alan was purposefully avoiding looking at Haruka. She sighed, feeling the weight of the uncomfortable feeling increase. The appearance of a bailiff relieved her from attempting to make small talk.

"All rise."

They stood up, watching the judge enter and take her seat on the bench. As Michiru listened through the announcement, the words of the judge and the attorneys, she for the first time began to feel nervous about the proceeding. She never considered the possibility of anything going wrong, but realized now that Alan could do something to get back at her right there. He could contest the divorce and make it harder on her than it already has been. Michiru turned to her left as the ominous scenarios ran through her head.

Her intense stare made Alan turn. Knowing Michiru as well as he did, or at least used to, he sensed what she was worried about and gave her a reassuring smile. He was not about to prolong this farce, he wanted to put an end to it and move on. The last few months, ever since their marriage became public knowledge, have been hard on him. It was too soon after he found out about Haruka, too soon after he lost all hope. Alan did not even have an opportunity to regroup his feelings before the whole world wanted to know what was wrong with his marriage. A very hard thing to explain when you yourself do not feel that there is anything wrong. The constant reminder that he was going through a divorce coupled with the public revelation of Michiru's new relationship made him want to crawl under a rock and hide. Until it all went away.

Despite Michiru's worry, the hearing went smoothly and concluded in under an hour. As the judge dismissed the court, the attorneys left the courtroom followed by the rest. Alan and Michiru fell a tad behind.

"Congratulations, you're free." Alan mumbled quietly.

"Don't be that way."

"It is what it is, I'm just glad it's over."

"I wish." Michiru sighed. "We still have the vultures outside."

Alan chuckled. "I'll just push the two of you to the front, that's the new controversy. You and I are old news. Speaking of which." Alan half-smiled at Haruka who waited for them to catch up. "The wind picks up and chills me to the bone, I almost feel it's warning me away, I yield, no point in standing strong, with nothing but a sigh I leave the bay."

Haruka nodded appreciatively. "You should rewrite that song. Since you're adamant about not talking about… anything. At least your fans will get you."

"I hope my fans get me as it is."

"At least one does." Mark added as the group caught up with him. "Or maybe those were my feelings she channeled, I'm not sure."

"Mark." Alan warned.

"Yeah, whatever. She's not your wife anymore, you can stop defending her ass. Come on, let's get out of this place, it gives me the creeps."

"Maybe you shouldn't be doing illegal drugs, then you wouldn't be afraid of courtrooms." Michiru jabbed.

"Enough." Max pitched in. "Leave your sharp tongues for the press."

"She's right. There's no reason to go against each other. Especially for you." Alan pointed at Mark. "Come on, let's get this over with."

Kyle held the door as they made their way outside of the courtroom. Dozens of questions were shouted at them as soon as they got out. Haruka looked through the crowd of reporters, trying to see if she knew any of them. There were a few. Sensing that Paradigm members were a lot better at barking at each other than they were at handling the press, she spoke up.

"If you want to get any answers, you need to speak one at a time. Newsweek, go ahead."

She nodded at a reporter she has seen before and he gave her a short thankful smile as the questions died down, the anticipation building. "Is the ordeal over, Ms. Kaioh?"

"You tell me." Michiru felt Haruka wrap a hand around her waist and squeeze her side, urging her to stop dodging the questions. "As of ten minutes ago Alan and I are no longer married."

Haruka nodded at another reporter. "What was the reason for your divorce?"

Michiru looked at Alan, who only shrugged his shoulder in response. She sighed. "We decided to go our separate ways in the interests of both parties."

Even Haruka found that answer unsatisfying. She sighed as a few follow-up questions came out at the same time. "Pick an order."

One of the reporters jumped in. "Why did you keep your marriage secret?"

"Have you read Simon Frank's interview?" Alan asked in response. "That's exactly why. People jump to conclusions and make accusations. We didn't want to mix our private life with the professional one."

"Did your careers play a role in your divorce?"

"Not in a way it's been described." Michiru answered.

Haruka felt the irritation that was quickly spreading through the crowd of reporters. Out of the four questions asked, they only got one semi-satisfying response. Sighing again, she cleared her throat. "Come on fellas, don't your spouses complain when you spend too much time stalking celebrities?"

All five Paradigm members turned to Haruka, staring daggers at her. Michiru just straightened her spine, anticipating the backlash just like the rest of the group. Instead, a few snorts and chuckles rocked the crowd.

Haruka smiled and continued. "I don't know about you, but I noticed that they got married in college and built their careers during marriage. The stress of it all and the necessary time must have had an affect. We're all human."

"Mr. Tenoh, did your relationship with Ms. Kaioh affect her marriage to Mr. Carey?"

"Come on, you're behind. That story ran over a month ago in Britain. Right after I bummed the race at Silverstone." She felt Michiru relax as the reporters seemed to start smiling instead of scowling.

"Mr. Carey, how do you feel about Ms. Kaioh's new relationship."

Carefully, Alan searched for words to continue in the same vein as Haruka. "I passed the torch to Haruka. I know for a fact that he's faster. Let's hope he can keep up with Michiru." He let out a sigh as someone whistled.

"Mr. Tenoh, are there plans to legalize your relationship now that Ms. Kaioh is single?"

"Hey, I may be fast, but not that fast. Give me some time."

"What's next, Mr. Carey?"

"Paradigm is going on European tour at the beginning of September. So back to what I love doing the most in the company of my friends."

"How about you Ms. Kaioh?"

"It's been a challenging couple of months. I think I will take a short break, then come back to the States with the new tour."

Haruka gave Max a cue to attempt escape. "Well, I think we're going to go have a drink and I suggest you all do the same. It's been agonizingly hot in the past few months and I have no idea how you manage to stand here in that heat in your dark suits."

Some reporters got the clue, while others started shouting questions at the same time again. Ignoring them, they made their way down to the two limos, their bodyguards clearing the path.

"You have some skill." Alan turned to Haruka as they reached the cars.

"The less secretive you are, the less they look at you. Boring is a way to go. Also, don't be afraid of them and don't put yourself above them. So long as you're one of them, you're ordinary. Meaning you get asked less questions and they leave you alone after you answer at least some."

"Thanks for the insight." Alan patted her on the shoulder for good measure.

"No problem." Haruka extended her hand, a peace offering despite never declaring a war.

Alan looked at it for a moment, then gave her a strong handshake. They both smiled as that moment in time was forever caught on cameras.

**x x x**

Haruka and Michiru left the next day for Belgium. Max took a day off, doing absolutely nothing. She had to play at a local club over the weekend, but other than that her schedule was clear until September first when the tour started. On Friday morning Max walked to the nearby corner store for, of all things, a pack of cigarettes. As she extended the money for her purchase, her hand froze midair, a magazine directly in front of her catching her off-guard. Max dropped the money on the counter and almost ripped the magazine out of the holder. The cover story read:

"Five Years of Hell: the real reason for divorce."

The title by itself would have never made her look twice at it with the expression she was now eying the magazine. It was the front-page picture. In it, what seemed like very intimately, Max was caressing Michiru's cheek.


	25. CH 24

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Haruka and Michiru's characters, they belong to Naoko Takeuchi. All other characters and this story belong to me. This story is fictional. Any references to real life companies, places and events are weaved into a web of fiction and do not have any connection with reality.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**AN:** Let's have some fun… review! Thanks to those who do!

_**petiyaka: **_You're welcome. I'll try and do as many as I can before Wednesday. Hey, it wasn't Jce who came up with the whole sex tape hive… it was Paris Hilton. She made it 'hot'… so unless Paris became a lot cooler and moved to Toronto, I don't think she's Jce :) But yes, Jce did mention it before, although she attributed it to Haruka… I feel like Amanda is more of the kind in this fic to go for something like that. Yes, Haruka is yet to meet the parents. You guessed right, but you have the upper hand - I sent you the recipe for the drink!

_**Tenoh and Kaioh: **_That's a first. No one has ever started a review by saying "Fuck Feisu." ^_^ I don't know if Fabio is into bestiality or if Jce's unicorn is up for the match… I feel like it's just wrong all around :p I am crazy! I think we're both high… occasionally… on something. It's good music in my case, I have no idea what you were thinking :) So, when's your birthday? Happy Birthday! Was it Sunday? Today? Here's another present for you :)

_**SeraEris:**_ :) I like realism, even though sometimes my idea of realism is skewed by the absence of logic… it happens. Come on, I had to have something up my sleeve… you guys are getting to know me too well, so it's harder and harder to do that… but I've been building it for a while. There had to be at least one surprise in this story. PS: You know, I wouldn't mind going to Athens either… see your world wonder :)

_**Mm-Burnt-Toast-mM: **_Well, everyone has to find out Haruka's a woman first. Curveballs hooray… now I think I did go a bit crazy with this chapter, though :)

_**Fusionmix: **_Hey, just because I update quickly, doesn't mean that I don't want to know what you guys think of the previous chapters. Don't you know by now that I love reading reviews? Yeah, poor Max :( Thank you for the compliment (*bows) I appreciate it. I don't like tangents, so even if I throw them, they are short enough for my impatience :)

_**imjce: **_Yeah, send Alan and Michiru to the Divorce Court, cuz that would put an end to all speculations… now why didn't I think about that? Oh yeah, those are mediators, they have no real power! Although Judge Judy yelling at Michiru for not trying hard enough would have been funny. Mmmmm ice cream. There is no mysterious stalker/photographer. I mean when you're famous, random people just snap pictures of you and then sell them to the highest bidder. At least they do that in my universe. Hey, I only put one sex tape in my fic and it did not involve Haruka, dildos, precincts, dead fathers, or anything of the sort… can't I come up with something independently just because you used something? Of course, there's always the creative 'borrowing' of ideas everywhere. So who cares? You forgot "NC-17" that was another comment after the movie… You should get Ms. Cleo to refund you the money for the lessons she gave you… they aren't working. But by all means… keep on trying. LONG LIVE THE SEX TAPES!

_**ilovemichiru25: **_You just noticed that you have a crush on a fanfictional character? Did it ever occur to you that we're all here because we have a crush on a fictional character(s)? See, you're normal. Hey, I'm glad you caught up before I was done writing too… it occurred to me last night that at some point the reviews turned into letters to Feisu, where we all go crazy… but hey, I love reading them, so don't ever stop. As to the actual fic, see the explanation above for stalkers/photographers and all that other stuff. Sorry, it's morning and I'm lazy :P

_**Fate-187: **_Well, technically, I did build H&M's relationship to be somewhat normal before I let it all go insane. I feel like our lives are made up of black and white stripes and once you enter the black one, bad things just keep happening. Here it's a domino effect.

Warning: Swearing because why wouldn't you under the circumstances? Otherwise harmless

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**Chapter 24**

Puffs of smoke exuded by the woman sitting on the curb of the street, right in front of a store in the middle of Friday morning made many pedestrians wave the air away and look at her accusingly. She noticed none of it. Lighting another cigarette from the one that was almost reduced to ashes, Max kept on reading through the article.

"_Five Years of Hell: the real reason for divorce._

_by Trent Clive_

_Ever since the marriage and divorce between Alan Carey and Michiru Kaioh have become public knowledge, two questions kept looming overhead, unanswered by either party: why did they keep the marriage secret and why did it fall apart. It wasn't until they stood on the steps of the courthouse where their divorce decree was granted that Mr. Carey explained that the secrecy surrounding their marriage was a mere privacy shield: they wanted to keep their private lives and their careers separate. Understandable enough, all of us can accept that. _

_What is not understood by anyone is the reason why they decided to get a divorce. There has never been so much as a mentioning of 'irreconcilable differences' or any other basis for it. In fact, it was Ms. Kaioh who simply stated that they "parted in the interests of both parties." So why was it in the best interests of the parties to part?_

_A couple of days before the divorce was finalized I sat down with actress Amanda Johnson for an exclusive interview. We talked about her engagement, her career and her friends. _

_TC: It is not a well-known fact, but you used to room with Michiru Kaioh._

_**AJ: Yes, we went to Juilliard together.**_

_TC: Is that how you met?_

_**AJ: Michiru and I were assigned the same room.**_

_TC: How about Paradigm members?_

_**AJ: They were a year or two ahead of us, it was inadvertent that we'd meet each other.**_

_TC: But you didn't just live on campus together, the six of you shared an apartment later on. How did that come about?_

_**AJ: Convenience. Max was actually the one who found it after graduation. They already formed the band at that point and living together was only natural. Michiru and I just fit nicely into the budget.**_

_TC: Let's talk about Max DuBois. She's pretty open about her sexuality. Has that always been the case?_

_**AJ: She doesn't hide who she is.**_

_TC: What was her relationship with Michiru like?_

_**AJ: They were close.**_

_TC: How did that affect Michiru's marriage?_

_**AJ: Max always took Michiru's side. Other than that their relationship would've affected the marriage.**_

_TC: What kind of relationship did they have?_

_**AJ: [Michiru] said that the best sex she's ever had was with Max.**_

_TC: I guess the answer is pretty clear, but just for the record… is Michiru Kaioh bisexual?_

_**AJ: Yes.**_

_It is easy to see how the infidelity of a spouse would lead to the destruction of the marriage. Perhaps much worse so when the spouse is cheating with a bandmate. One could only imagine how the marriage would break down and turn from heaven to hell within the five years Mr. Carey and Ms. Kaioh had been married for._

_Even without Ms. Johnson's heart to heart interview, the evidence makes the relationship between Max DuBois and Michiru Kaioh pretty clear. Ms. Kaioh is becoming notoriously known for keeping her relationships off the public radar, so the existence of this particular relationship away from public eye is not at all surprising. After all, they had both the opportunity and the means. Since Haruka Tenoh's public acknowledgement of the relationship with Ms. Kaioh, the new question is where that leaves Ms. DuBois."_

"I am going to kill the bitch with my bare hands." Max threw the magazine to the ground, causing more people to stare at her. Not only could she not believe that Amanda would say something like that, she could not believe there were suggestive photographs of Michiru and her. Ironically, the one on the cover was taken in Montreal, outside of Michiru's hotel right after Max revealed her one-night-stand with Haruka. The mere suggestion of sexual connotation obviously portrayed by the article made her cringe, swear and rage at the same time. Of course, there were more. There was a photograph taken the same day where they walked down the street, hugging each other around the waist. It was an innocent comforting gesture by a friend, but in the light of the article it seemed more. Every innocent picture was adulterated by the underlying lie.

Throwing the magazine in a nearby trash bin along with the empty pack of cigarettes, Max slowly made her way back to the apartment. The first thing she did when she got home was pull out her suitcase. The second was to cancel her performance that night.

**x x x**

"_You've reached Max DuBois. Leave me a message and I'll call you back._" The voicemail picked up every call for the past four hours.

"Who do you keep calling?" Mark set a beer in front of Alan as he slumped into the chair.

"Max." Alan dropped the phone on the coffee table and grabbed the bottle.

"Why?"

Alan pointed to the magazine that lay on the table.

"Yeah, I saw that, but why?"

"I have a feeling she'll do something stupid."

"Come on, Max is the most cool-headed person I know."

Alan stared at his friend. "In comparison to you maybe. But she's just as quick to jump to action as any of us. Remember how she threw Amanda out of the apartment?"

"She still did it with a cool head."

"Right. This is worse though. I mean her ex just lied to an international magazine saying that she had a relationship with her best friend."

"Did she?"

Alan almost choked on his beer. "Did you?" Alan enjoyed the mixture of surprise and annoyance in his friend's face. "Now you know how she feels. It's the same crap as when they made the accusations about you and Mich. The difference is, it was made by an ex-girlfriend, so it has legit weight. That and the fact that Max has always been very defensive of her relationship with Mich. Which is exactly why I have a bad feeling."

"She's a big girl. I'm sure she'll be fine."

**x x x**

The two-story house on La Mirada Avenue was nothing out of the ordinary. Its beige siding, picket fence, the small patch of lawn and a wide driveway was as plain vanilla as any suburban residence anywhere in the United States. Max got out of the cab and studied the facade, noting the absence of any cars in the driveway. After another couple of minutes, she walked down the street. At the intersection she turned right and then took another right at Fountain Avenue, walking all the way to the end of the block. Right in front of her, across the street, was a high school. It was a Saturday morning and despite school being out for summer, she could hear students in the field behind the buildings. She entered through an unlocked side door and walked down the spacious hall. The school did not seem to be any different than the most, maybe just a bit bigger. There were lockers on the sides, doors to the classrooms, trophies in the glass cases. It took her a while, walking up and down the long hallways, to find what she was looking for. But she did.

In front of her hang a picture taken at some school game. The cheerleading squad assembled for the photograph she was now staring at, tightening her jaw. Right in the middle, held up by two other girls and smiling her million dollar smile was Amanda Johnson. The same Amanda Johnson who claimed to be misunderstood and bullied throughout high school.

**x x x**

Her hand shook slightly as she traced the lines of the article with her index finger. The adrenalin rush of earlier in the day when she for the first time met Haruka's fans, leaving the race with the blonde, faded in comparison. At least there she only got a few uncanny yells. She could ignore them or defend herself in front of them, whichever she did Haruka was firmly by her side. Here… with this new development she did not even know what to do or think anymore. She felt Haruka leave her side as she finished reading. Despite the conversation they held with Max at the dinner table just a few days ago, Michiru was afraid to look Haruka in the face. Not after what Amanda said, not after the pictures that twisted the reality with such plausibility.

Anne, who brought the magazine, and Joe sat across the room, waiting for her reaction. She could feel all four occupants of the room look at her as she slowly made her way through the page, tears starting to sting her eyes. Even if her relationship with Max was a lie, Amanda just outed her. There was no way Michiru could lie and say that she has never been in a relationship with a woman.

Her phone rang and she reached for it with her free hand, not bothering to check who it was. It was an automatic response while her brain was preoccupied with the reality of it all. "Hello."

"_Hey, Mich, it's Alan. Have you talked to Max lately?"_

"Not since Thursday." Michiru's eyes darted to the picture of her friend on the page. "Why?"

"_Have you seen the article?"_

"Yeah, I'm reading it right now."

"_Yeah… and here I thought they'd lay our divorce to rest. Anyway, it came out here yesterday, I've been calling her since and her phone is shut off. She was a no show to a club where she was scheduled to play and her doorman said that she left with a suitcase… I'm worried."_

"Funny how after an article comes out where her and I are accused of having a relationship which you at one time yourself suggested, you're worried about her well-being."

"… _I've had my share of stupid outbursts… but she's always been my voice of reason. I can speculate how she feels though… this isn't Simon coming out with some crap, it's Amanda."_

"Yeah. I'll call Max, but if her phone is shut off I'm not going to have any more luck than you did. Have you tried contacting Amanda? Max probably went to confront her."

"_I was afraid you'd say that."_

"Let me know if you find out something. I'll do the same."

"_Alright. Bye."_

"Bye." Michiru set the phone back down and looked at Joe. "I'd go back home if I were you."

Joe straightened up a bit. "You think Amanda is in danger?"

"I have no idea… but Max bottles up a lot until she blows up. I'd say you've got six years worth of stuff here." She dialed Max's number and after she was sent to voicemail Michiru shook her head sadly, starting to share Alan's bad feeling. "I'll go with you."

"Do you want me to come?" Haruka offered from the corner of the room where she was standing against the wall.

Michiru turned and gave her a soft smile, happy that there was not an ounce of anything but sincere concern in Haruka's voice. "You have a race tomorrow. Come after that."

Haruka nodded slowly. "Don't do anything stupid."

"It's not me you should be worried about. She's your friend too now."

**x x x**

Somewhere in the distance a phone rang continuously. She half-opened her eyes, trying to find the direction in the darkness. It appeared that the phone was on the commode, too far for her to care to get it. She untangled her arms from the death grip of the lightly moist sheets and reached out to the nightstand. Grabbing the bottle in the darkness she popped the top open and dropped a few pills in the palm of her hand. Her glass was empty, so she threw them in her mouth and swallowed, feeling the capsules scrape her throat. As the phone rang again, she put her head under the pillow and fell back asleep.

**x x x**

It was close to midnight local time when she hang up the phone. Her cell has been turned off since the day before, she did not want anyone to interrupt her. The landline was just as good. Having a lot of friends in the entertainment industry had its perks. She just never thought that she would have to use the connections in this way. She thought she put this all behind and that it would never come back to haunt her. Evidently that was not the case.

Gripping the cheap hotel glass filled with gin in one hand, she traced the list of twelve people with the other. Those were just the ones she confirmed beyond all doubt. It was not the first time in life Max has been screwed, except that this time she was old enough to take care of herself. She was not going to go down alone, especially not when Michiru was mixed into the scandal. She was going to take Amanda with her.

Eyeing the name that she scribbled some time ago in the corner, Max dialed the number. After a few rings a slightly annoyed voice answered the phone.

"_Yes?"_

"Richard, sorry to call so late, but I'm sure you won't mind. This is Max DuBois."

Indeed, the voice that came back on was surprised, but a lot more polite. _"Evening, Max."_

"I hear you have some beef with Trent Clive."

"_Go on."_

"Do you have a pen nearby?"

"_Just a sec… got it."_

Max gave him an address. "Be there at ten tomorrow morning."

"_What will be waiting for me there?"_

"A live exclusive you can catch on tape that will deface your colleague's article. Is that good enough?"

"_Absolutely. I'll be there at ten."_

**x x x**

The morning sun broke through the tiny slit between the curtains and made her squirm. She slowly got off the bed and made her way to the bathroom. Amanda did not even realize she slept in her loungewear. She brushed her teeth and hair, staring at her bloodshot eyes and puffy face. She felt like everything around her was falling apart. Leaving her long blonde hair cascade down her back, Amanda made her way to the bedroom, looking for her cell. She found it where she left it on the commode, battery dead and all. Amanda cursed quietly and plugged it in. Making her way into the kitchen she poured a much-needed glass of water. The message machine's red light blinked, indicating that there were messages for her. She could only assume who was calling and cringed at the slightest thought of having to listen to the messages. Just as she was contemplating a shower, the phone rang again. Before she could reach it the doorbell rang. It was too much noise for her splitting head. Amanda pulled the cord out of the wall, shutting up the phone, and made her way to the front door. On the other side of the peephole stood Max.

Amanda took a deep breath and pulled the door open. She stepped aside silently as Max just as silently made her way in. The silence stretched as Max looked around, studying the decor of the house. Amanda felt like she could cut the tension with a knife. She was the first one to yield.

"Would you at least say something?"

Max turned to face her, browns as narrow as they could get. "I thought I'd leave all the talking to you. It seems like you're so good at it."

"It's not how you think it is."

"Really? Enlighten me."

Amanda stumbled out of the entranceway, through the living room, and into her still dark bedroom. She grabbed the almost empty bottle of Prozac and dropped some pills into her hand, not bothering to count. She swallowed them before she reached the kitchen and washed them down further with a glass of water. Through it all Max just watched her silently, hands crossed on her chest.

"He blackmailed me into it… and even then I didn't say the things he printed… well I did, but he took it out of the context. Why would I ever do this to you and Mich?"

"WHY? Because you get off on making other people miserable. Because you are a pathological liar. You can't control yourself… you can't help it but make yourself into a victim."

"What are you talking about! I've always been honest with you, except for that one god damn time I cheated, which was a bad judgment call!"

Max laughed indignantly. "Oh really? Do that again, the innocent blue eyes, the outraged expression… poor Mandy, the whole world is against her… you deserve an Oscar just for that. You're a much better actress in real life than you are in your professional one, Amanda." Max pulled out a piece of paper with a list of names on it and threw it on the kitchen island in front of Amanda. "You cheated on me once? These men seem to disagree with you."

Amanda stared at the familiar names, a cold vise tightening her chest. "That's not true."

Max could almost believe her. In fact, years ago she did believe everything Amanda said. She walked up to the woman and yanked her by the arm, forcing Amanda to look in her eyes. "You didn't just sleep with them… you had relationships with them. Professors, producers, screenwriters. Your whole career is built on sex… sex that you gave them in return for all those plays, all those movie roles. Tell me, Amanda, how many men are you sleeping with now?"

"You're drunk!" Amanda yelled, smelling the liquor on Max's breath.

"Who gives a shit?" Max let go of her, wiping the hand that held Amanda's arm as though it touched something dirty. "So? How many?"

"What does it matter?"

"You're right. That's your fiancé's problem, not mine. Out of curiosity, though, tell me, why me?"

"Because I loved you! You were my longest, my best relationship… you understood me, I felt like we belonged!" Tears streamed down her cheeks, her expression both hurt and regretful.

"Kill the act. I don't buy it anymore." Max replied cooly.

"It's not an act, it's the truth!"

"Really?" Max snorted. "Like you not wanting our relationship to be out because you've been bullied in school? Because you were an out lesbian? Bull shit. I went to your school. You were a fucking cheerleader, Amanda! There are pictures of you in that jock's lap hanging on the wall! Have you ever told me anything that was true? At all?"

"I never lied about how I felt about you! Despite what you may think." Amanda wiped her tears.

"Yeah, well, the thing with pathological liars… they can't help themselves but lie convincingly -"

The doorbell rang again and Max looked at her watch, her mouth turning up at the corner. "Come on, Mandy, you have a performance to give."

"What are you talking about?" Amanda took a step back as Max came closer, grabbing her arm once more.

Max dragged her all the way to the door, all the while saying: "You remember that photo session you insisted we do? You know, when Alan and Mich were honeymooning and boys were at the Hamptons? I'm sure it didn't escape you that I never packed those photos in the boxes when I threw you out. I didn't destroy them either. Not because I have a perverted sense of looking at my ex's private parts or her pleasure-ridden face as I made her come… It's a habit to keep shit like that in case things blow up in my face. Not bad, huh?" They stopped by the door, Amanda's face reflecting possibly one of the only real emotions it was still capable of showing: fear. "Go with the flow or I will give them those photos instead. I've got nothing to lose."

Max opened the door, revealing a man with a video crew. "Richard, good morning, I'm glad you could make it." Max stepped away, letting the crew in.

"Max, Ms. Johnson." Richard, a short thin man in his early thirties greeted as he walked inside.

"We can do the couch or the bar, the latter would probably be more appropriate." Max observed sarcastically.

"Either one is fine by me, though the lighting is better by the bar." The cameraman observed.

Max watched them set up the equipment, not letting go of Amanda's arm through the whole process.

"What do you have in mind?" Richard asked as he waited for the finishing touches to be put in.

"Amanda would like to make a statement." Max smiled at the blonde, who only stared back with hateful eyes.

Richard studied the two, sensing the tension, but whatever it was, it was not worth losing the exclusive. "Do you want to do it interview-style with both of you in the shot or just Amanda?"

"Oh, I'll be right by Amanda's side." Max replied, pointing to the two bar stools.

The two stools were moved closer together, a third at a short distance. They sat down, Amanda and Max next to each other at an angle to the bar, Richard facing them at a short distance.

"You could've at least let me change and put makeup on." Amanda hissed.

Max gave her a once-over. "Why? You look even more convincing."

"Ready?" Richard looked at them. Max nodded and the cameraman gave them a signal to begin. Richard smiled into the camera. "I'm sitting here today with actress Amanda Johnson and successful deejay and a member of Paradigm, Max DuBois. Max?" He turned to her, giving her a prompting smile and getting one in response.

"Thanks Richard. As many of you know, an interview with Amanda ran a few days ago in one of the most popular yellow-press periodicals."

"Yes, it was quite an unexpected shocker." Richard prompted.

"Especially to me!" Max shook her head in agreement. "See, I've never had anything but a platonic relationship with Michiru Kaioh."

Richard's genuine surprise was caught on camera, as was the glimpse of anger that slipped through Amanda's indifferent mask. "One of your roommates confirmed that you had a relationship and more, isn't that right, Amanda?"

Amanda just sat there, her expression the same, her mouth not moving. Max put a hand on her shoulder. "It's okay, Mandy… you can tell everyone the truth." She squeezed her shoulder, but Amanda still remained silent. Max sighed inaudibly and turned to Richard. "You see, Michiru and I never had a relationship of the kind Amanda described. Amanda and I, on the other hand, did."

Richard leaned forward, catching on to every one of her words. "The two of you used to date?"

Max nodded. "For three years in college."

"Amanda, do you have something to add to that?" Richard almost pleaded.

Amanda shrugged her shoulder. "I think she's pretty clear."

"Then why did you accuse your ex-girlfriend of having a relationship with your ex-roommate?"

"I was coerced into it." Amanda answered truthfully.

"How?"

She shifted on the stool before answering. "My relationship with Max was out of character… I have been with men before and after that, so I didn't want it to become a big deal. I buried it in my past and I didn't want it to come out. The reporter I gave the interview to threatened to expose our relationship unless I talked about Michiru and Max. Most of the words in the article were taken out of context."

"So Max and Michiru never had anything beyond friendship?"

"No."

"How about the two of you? Why did you break up?"

Amanda looked away, Max looked straight into the camera. "Amanda cheated."

"I'm sorry to hear that. Where do you stand now?"

Amanda remained silent as Max answered again. "I think this controversy is the only thing we have in common anymore."

"Amanda, will this coming to light affect your engagement to Joel DiCallo?"

"Joe knows about my relationship with Max. He knows it was just a stage in my life and that I have moved on since."

"Three years seems like a commitment, not a stage." Richard pointed out.

Max smiled, looking directly at Amanda's unreadable face. The actress smiled and brushed her hair, a light color covering her cheeks. She was back in her element. "We all make mistakes. Max was mine. I'm not a lesbian, I don't even think I'm bisexual to be completely honest with you."

"Apparently our relationship was Amanda's debut." Max snorted. "She truly deserves an award for that one."

Richard turned back to Max. "Not to borrow my colleague's words, but where does that leave you?"

Max shrugged. "Same place I've been in before. As far away from Amanda as possible, in good terms with my best friend Michiru Kaioh and her significant other, and as single as ever." She winked at the camera and Richard laughed, signaling to the crew that the interview was over.

"Thank you, I appreciate the exclusive." He extended her a hand which she shook.

"When will it be on?"

Richard checked his watch. It was almost eleven. "It will be on the six o'clock news."

"Good. Thanks for coming." Max shook his hand again and said goodbyes to the rest of the crew. As she closed the door and turned back she felt a hard slap land on her cheek.

"I can't believe you just did that!" Amanda stood in front of her, fuming.

"I can't believe you chose to lie about me having a relationship with Mich than admitting that we had one. Oh wait, I totally can. Stay out of our lives, bitch. Besides, this isn't going to do half as much damage to your image as it did to Michiru's."

"Are you fucking kidding me? I'm on a verge of getting the main role, any controversy is going to affect my career!"

"You chose this path. I don't give a shit, Amanda. Lie your way out of it. It's been working thus far."

They stared at each other for another few moments before Max turned around and left the house, hoping to never see Amanda again. She walked into the bright sun and just started walking. There was no specific direction, her legs just carried her away from the woman that made her suffer so much. Block after block she turned or kept on going, doing a few loops, not caring where she ended up. She just needed to walk off her stress. Walk off her hangover and the painful feeling that tore her chest apart. She could not believe she fell for that woman all those years ago.

**x x x**

After Max's departure Amanda made her way to the bedroom and emptied the remainder of her medication into her hand. She chugged the pills down, taking her clothes off and stepping into a hot shower. Tears streamed down her cheeks as Amanda put liquid soap on the sponge; it spilled over the edge and fell down to the floor of the shower cabin in lumps. Amanda was not stupid, she knew how Hollywood worked. Anyone who hid a same-sex relationship was bound to be the center of a scandal and she really was being considered for a role that she considered a major breakthrough. Over the past three years she has been in a number of films, but she has never had the main role. She was so close… why did it all have to fall apart now.

Her phone was halfway charged when she got out of the shower. Through the long list of missed calls those from Alan and Joe drew her attention. She figured they were calling to warn her about Max. Too bad she was passed out all day yesterday. Amanda was about to listen to the voicemails when the screen lit up, a call coming in from a familiar name.

"Hello?"

"A little birdy tells me that you just gave an interview without my knowledge."

Amanda cursed to the side, taking a seat on the bed. She looked at the nightstand, but the bottle was empty. "I didn't have any other choice."

"Choice is not the only thing you no longer have."

"What?" Her agent's words chilled her to the bone.

"Come on Amanda, I warned you about this. It's a major news and it's spreading like wildfire before they even processed the clip. Your chances of getting that role just went from high to their lowest."

"It's not a big deal… it's just a mistake from the past, they can't hold it against me."

"Dear, it's a film where the main actress has incredibly high morals. No one will chose you in their right consciousness."

Amanda stifled a sob and wiped her tears away. "Can you find out? You know, not for sure, but see which way the wind is blowing?"

"Uhhh. I'll do my best, but I doubt that I'm wrong about this. I told you we should apply for second as well."

"I'm tired of being always second."

"Then you should've kept your panties on and your mouth shut. I'll call you when I know something."

Amanda hang up, staring at her newly swollen face in the mirror. With every passing moment she felt only worse. She put some jeans and a top on and walked to the bar. Ever since she was put on antidepressant, Joe emptied the house of all liquor. She went through all the compartments in the bar, but found nothing. Slamming the doors shut, Amanda walked into the kitchen. Knowing Joe, he had to have at least a bottle of whiskey stashed somewhere. After another ten minutes Amanda retrieved a half-empty bottle from behind some cereal boxes. Not bothering to grab a glass, she twisted the top off and gulped down the amber liquid.

Amanda did not know how much time has passed when the phone rang again. Her face was still wet and a little under an inch of whiskey was left in the bottle. She looked at the caller ID and picked up her manager's call.

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry, Amanda, they know about the story that's going to run. It's still unofficial, but I hear they'll go with someone else."

Amanda did not reply. She disconnected the call and put the phone on the counter. Raising the bottle back to her mouth, she gulped continuously until the liquid ran out, feeling her insides burn and causing more tears to come to her eyes. Setting the empty bottle back on the counter, she wiped her wet face and got up. There was no way Joe would stash more than one bottle around. Amanda made her way unsteadily through the house, searching for the car keys. She did not own a car, she did not need one. A taxi or limo was always available. Joe, on the other hand, had a Shelby GT sitting in the garage. She finally found what she was looking for in Joe's nightstand. She knew he would not take the keys to Europe with him. Amanda grabbed her purse and exited to the garage, opening the large door. She got inside the car and put the keys in the ignition. Cursing loudly at the fact that the car was stick, she finally started it and got out of the garage. As the door closed behind her back, Amanda got out on the street.

**x x x**

Having a lunch by himself was something Alan still tried to get accustomed to. Usually he either did not have time for lunch, or he had it with his bandmates… or before that it used to be with Michiru. Now that there was this awkward break in their schedule, he found himself all alone. He finished his panini and walked back to the loft, not knowing what else to do by himself. To his relief, he found Mark at home. The latter was going through his room, in search for something.

Alan stood in the doorway, observing Mark in amusement. After another couple of minutes he finally grew tired of it. "What are you doing?"

Mark turned, startled for a moment, then set the CDs he was holding down. "Hey, good, you're home. Do you have some cash I can borrow?"

Alan raised a brow. "I might have a hundred on me… are you running low on cash?"

Mark shrugged. "What can I say, going back to performing will be nice."

Alan pulled out five twenty-dollar bills from his wallet. "Is everything okay?"

Mark threw him a quick glance, taking the cash. "Sure. I've just had a bit of a problem with my bank, but everything's fine." He patted Alan on the shoulder. "Come on, as soon as we go on tour I'll be swimming in dough again."

Alan watched his friend pocket the money and leave the apartment without another word. Rubbing his eyes with his thumb and index finger, Alan swore silently.

**x x x**

Michiru, Joe and Sam landed in Los Angeles International Airport just before one. The first thing Michiru did after she turned her phone back on was dial Max. A sigh of relief escaped her as she heard long rings on the other end of the line. At least her phone was back on.

"_Hey."_

"Oh my god, Max, don't you ever do this to me again!" Michiru seethed through her teeth, relief washing over her.

"_Ah, now you know how I feel, always worrying about you."_

"Where are you?"

"_I… have no idea."_

"What do you mean? Are you okay? Why didn't you pick up before?"

"_You're like those reporters. Can you resort to one question at a time?"_

Michiru sighed. "Are you okay?"

"_I'll be fine. Are you?"_

"I still can't believe this is happening… I can't believe she did it… I'm just so confused."

"_Don't worry about it, it'll all be cleared up tonight."_

"What do you mean?"

"_I'd rather explain in person… too bad I can't just close my eyes and travel across the globe."_

"Where are you? I just got into LA."

"_You're here? Why? You know what, it doesn't matter. I'll head back. I'm stayi-"_

Michiru stared at the phone as Max disappeared in the middle of a word. Unlike what she thought, Michiru did not lose any bars. Her connection was perfect. "Max? Max?"

There was nothing but static and wind on the other end. Michiru hang up and redialed. After five long rings the voicemail picked up.

**x x x**

Joe's house was located in one of the suburban neighborhoods north of Beverly Hills. The streets gained elevation as they turned and wrapped up the hill, sometimes intersecting with similar streets and other times just looping around. There were no sidewalks and very few cars were parked on the sides of the streets. As Amanda started her descent to the more populated areas, she was undecided on what she wanted to do. A part of her wanted to drive to the nearest liquor store and get plastered, forgetting that the world around her existed. Another part wanted her to forget to turn at one of the curves and go straight down the hill or simply drive into a wall.

She found that switching gears at stop signs was increasingly annoying as the car stalled and occasionally shut off altogether. Deciding that it was a nuisance, Amanda sped ahead, only slowing down enough to make sure that no other cars were coming at intersections. It was not until she saw the lone figure walking down the street that it clicked in her mind. It all came together. Amanda wiped the tears and the snot with her forearm and switched the gears, bringing the car into fourth, speeding up as she drove straight towards the reason for her current state. The reason for an opportunity lost.

Her foot hit the gas pedal harder, the car asking desperately for her to switch to the next gear, but she just ignored the beast, instead concentrating on the woman who spoke on the phone, only turning at the sound of approaching car when it was too late. Amanda stared Max straight in the face as the Shelby struck her body, sending it flying against the windshield and violently throwing it off to the side.

**x x x**

_The scandals, the media frenzy, the desire to know more and more about everything… it all keeps us blind to the reality. There are real people behind each story and that piece of entertainment we so desire to have, it may damage someone's career, ruin their relationship, or even cost them their life. Through the middle of my own media disaster I thought that the effect on my career and my relationships was the worst. It all faded in comparison to what happened after Max was accused of breaking my marriage. _


	26. CH 25

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Haruka and Michiru's characters, they belong to Naoko Takeuchi. All other characters and this story belong to me. This story is fictional. Any references to real life companies, places and events are weaved into a web of fiction and do not have any connection with reality.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**AN:** I think I reached my state of drama. You know, all the drama I had in my previous fics… yeah, I'm back in my element.

_**lostinhersong: **_What did you do to your wrist? Sorry to hear that...

_**ilovemichiru25: **_Hey, sorry, but I don't take votes on who to make suffer. It really depends on the twists and turns I envision and, well, you kinda expect what can happen to Mark. But not Max. So here. Couldn't just let her live "happy go lucky." Are you into nursing? I'll tell you which hospital she's in. You can meet her there. Just make sure you get there in time. Did I promise that no one will die? I did… well, I've broken those promises before. Sorry, shit happens :P

_**Mm-Burnt-Toast-mM: **_Interesting, I think Max was very vindictive in that chapter. Even though she was the only one who followed through with her own advice: clear it up with the media. HP really doesn't matter in this case, I mean it wasn't like she was trying to go 0-60 in a second after she spotted Max. And I don't know what speed you shift from 3d to 4th at in your Shelby, but I switch gears between 35-40 in a residential neighborhood in mine :) Okay, I don't have a Shelby. I commute by using a unicorn service. But from my occasional experiences of driving a car, you can hear the engine change its tune around that stretch when you're going slowish, the rpms increasing, not when you're trying to take off flying on the highway. On the highway you want everyone to hear you coming behind them. Doesn't work in your favor when you're sneaking up on your ex walking down the street…

_**SeraEris:**_ I have no idea how much more drama I have under my sleeve. But I'm wearing short sleeves, so it can't be too much. Max's fate is still undecided. But I'm responding to this in the middle of writing a chapter, so maybe by the time you read this it will all be taken care of.

_**petiyaka: **_See, here I am trying to give you a chapter a day and what do you do? You jump on me with your French version of ninja tricks. And no, you didn't kill me, I was just paralyzed in shock. (*gets up and brushes the invisible dust off of her shoulder) Just wait 'till I come back at you with that katana! Xe xe. Don't be depressed, that defeats the purpose of me posting every day...

_**qwerty: **_I was wondering where you disappeared to… evidently the block was somewhere other than my brain… I clean it with a hose every night before bedtime to make sure that nothing is plugging my creativity… evidently that also washes away brain cells… and I'm really sorry about your account. Now you do have a multiple personality :)

_**Tenoh and Kaioh: **_No favorite artist. Current favorites - Dada Life. I'm into that kind of music. Happy Birthday (again). Sam's there. He's always looming in the shadows. Haruka was left a bit out, but she'd back. Or at least on her way back… literally.

_**imjce: **_Now you're bringing TV shows into my fic? Dude, how about ER? That's even more appropriate… and she's in LA, not Seattle Grace… aaanyway, thanks for sharing the intimate details of your hair pattern… want me to help you cut the rest of it? With a katana? I'll be gentle :P Let's negotiate on Max's survival… a baby unicorn fathered by Fabio? Tempting, but let's see what else you can bring to the table before the next chapter. 2gls1cp

_**lostinhersong: **_I really don't know what to say other than agreed on all accounts.

_**My Veggie Burger: **_How's this for soon? I'm on a drama roll. Now if I update like I have been lately (um every day), you won't study and I'll feel bad…

_**Fusionmix: **_I'd love for Haruka to world shake everything back to normal in that story… she's so awesome when she does it… Now pray tell how would Max in a coma out Haruka? I'm just curious, it's like an ace up the sleeve I can't quite feel up and pull out. I have guts… I don't have to prove it, I killed Haruka's whole family in IAAU. Well, technically her brother's alive, but she doesn't know it… and I'm still undecided on Max's fate… just imagine her sitting in the long hallway with a very bright light at the end and looking down at Michiru suffering. I'm the one holding her hand and not letting her go either way.

_**Fate-187: **_Thank you! I try. Yes, Max did fall in love with the wrong person, but there's another lesson in this: don't go seeking vengeance on psychologically unstable exes. They just may run you over…

_**waffles: **_Hey you! Don't you worry. What comes around goes around. Amanda will get what she deserves. Just perhaps not where you think.

Did you get your Kleenex? Ok, lets get to it.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**Chapter 25**

_One week ago_

Amanda sat in a small conference room, a cup of coffee in front of her. It was some time after her and Joe announced their engagement and she was invited for an interview. She watched as a man in his mid-thirties entered the room, taking a seat across from her.

"Good Morning Ms. Johnson, thanks for coming. Would Amanda be alright?"

Amanda nodded. She relaxed a little into the chair, watching the man, the yellow pad and the manilla folder he had from underneath her eyelashes. He put a recording device between them and turned it on. As the interview began, Trent Clive asked Amanda about her career and her engagement, but then the questioning came to another subject.

"It is not a well-known fact, but you used to room with Michiru Kaioh." It was more of a statement than a question and it threw Amanda off.

"I thought I was here to talk about my engagement and the upcoming film."

Trent leaned back in his chair, tapping the pad with his pen. "We already talked about that."

"Then we're done?"

Trent paused the recorder. "Not really. See, I came across something very interesting while researching your background. It appears to me that you may have been involved with Max DuBois." He gaged her reaction. Amanda's eyes widened as she stared back at him in complete surprise. A dash of offense in her pretty features.

"That's a ridiculous accusation."

"See, I don't think so. Your official address was at the loft with Paradigm members for quite a while. Now why would that happen unless you were dating one of them?"

"And of all four you think it was Max?" Amanda's tone turned sarcastic.

"Yes."

"Why?"

To her utter surprise, the reporter pulled out a photograph from the manilla folder. It was taken at one of the college parties a very long time ago. In it, Max embraced Amanda from the back, whispering something in her ear as Amanda laughed. The necklace with intertwining A&M was clearly visible, hanging off Amanda's bare neck above her tank top.

"This doesn't prove anything."

"I disagree. I'm sure with more digging I'd find out a lot more proof, but this is not what I'm after. There is another story that would interest people a lot more, but I need you to answer a few questions for me in order to run it. So, are we clear?"

Amanda swallowed the lump in her throat and threw the picture back at the reporter. He smirked back at her and turned the recorder on. "So let's start with the original question. Did you room with Michiru?"

"Yes, we went to Juilliard together."

"Is that how you met?"

"Michiru and I were assigned the same room. All freshmen are required to live on campus and are assigned roommates. Michiru happened to be mine."

Trent was jotting down notes. "How about Paradigm members?"

Amanda stifled a sigh. "Juilliard. They were a year or two ahead of us, it was inadvertent that we'd meet each other."

"But you didn't just live on campus together, the six of you shared an apartment later on. How did that come about?"

"Convenience. Max was actually the one who found it after graduation. They already formed the band at that point and living together was only natural. Michiru and I just fit nicely into the budget."

"Let's talk about Max DuBois. She's pretty open about her sexuality. Has that always been the case?"

Amanda blinked. "What do you mean?"

"When did you find out she was gay?"

"Max is actually a very private person. People used to make a lot of assumptions about her, I think the only difference between now and then is that she doesn't hide who she is."

"What was her relationship with Michiru like?" Trent tried another angle.

"They were roommates that eventually became very good friends."

"Just that?" He pressed.

"Yes." Amanda would not budge.

"Was their friendship ever… too close?"

Amanda snorted. "What are you insinuating?"

"I'm just asking questions, I'm not insinuating anything."

"Right."

"Back to my original question, what was their relationship like?"

"Over the years they have become best friends."

"Would you say they were close?"

"Sure, they were close."

"How did that affect Michiru's marriage?"

Michiru bit on her bottom lip before answering. "It didn't. Why would it?"

"Well, that depends on how close they were."

"You're out of your mind. There was nothing between them."

"Really? Maybe not when you lived with them, how about when you moved out?"

"I wouldn't know that, would I?" Amanda snapped back.

"What would be your guess?"

"My guess would be that Max always took Michiru's side as her best friend. Other than that I don't see how their relationship would've affected the marriage."

"Were they intimate while Michiru was married?"

"You'd have to ask them that." Amanda was starting to get a headache from the stupid interview. She eyed her purse that lay on the chair next to her. If only she could get a couple of pills… it would make this easier.

"Now why would I do that when I have you right here? Come on, Amanda, you know there was something. What was it and when?"

"I don't know anything! They never had the relationship you want them to have, they never slept- … they never slept together."

"Right there, that pause what was that? You remembered something, didn't you?"

"No."

"Amanda, really, it's either you or her. Make a choice. What kind of relationship did they have?"

All she could think of was when she ran into Michiru at the benefit in California. It was a stupid throw back and she knew it wasn't true, but it was her ticket out of this interrogation. A way for her to get out and get some relief. Amanda took a deep breath. "I haven't talked to Michiru in a couple of years after we went our separate ways… after we reunited she said that the best sex she's ever had was with Max."

Trent smiled wide, setting his pen down. "I guess the answer is pretty clear, but just for the record… is Michiru Kaioh bisexual?"

"Yes." Amanda did not really feel bad about that one. She did not lie. Michiru was sleeping with a woman, even if it was not Max.

"See, that wasn't too bad." Trent stopped the recorder.

"We're done." Amanda got up and headed for the door. She turned around, walked back to the table and grabbed the photograph out of the folder before departing the room for good. As soon as she stepped into an empty elevator she popped her prescription open and got two pills out.

**x x x**

After Max's call dropped, Michiru was unable to reach her. Getting more nervous by the minute, she tapped her heel on the floor as she waited in line to the customs. Joe and Sam kept sending her quiet looks. After they got out of the airport, Joe hailed a cab and the three of them got in. It was decided that they would go to Joe's house to see if Amanda had any idea where Max was. Amanda's own cell phone went unanswered and the house phone was disconnected.

By the time they pulled into the driveway, Michiru was wringing her hands, still unable to contact Max. Joe unlocked the door as the cab disappeared down the street and they entered the house. Joe's eyes fell on the empty bottle of whiskey next to a cell phone right away. He swore profusely and walked down to the bedroom. Opening the door, he let out a sigh of relief at the silhouette of his fiancée asleep on the bed. He walked up to the night stand and noticed the empty bottle of Prozac.

"Oh Mandy, what did you do?" He moved the blonde stands out of her face. She was passed out. Joe walked out of the bedroom and closed the door. "I don't think we're going to get much help from Amanda. She mixed her meds with alcohol. She'll be out for a while."

Michiru was already dialing hotel numbers, something she should have been doing all along and cursed herself for not thinking of before. Surprisingly or not, Max was staying at the same hotel where Michiru stayed a little over a year ago, when she had a fight with Alan.

"I'm going to go see if I can find here there." Michiru announced, hanging up. The phone buzzed in her hand and she stared at it with hope, stifling a sigh when the Caller ID told her that it was Haruka. "Hey."

"_Hey, any news?"_

"No, we're at Joe's, Amanda is passed out drunk. I just found out where Max is staying, so I'm going to head there next."

"_Okay. I'm getting on the next flight, I should be there in the morning."_

"Why don't you wait until I find her? You might be flying back and forth for nothing."

"_You yourself don't believe in that. Besides, if I fly all the way out there for nothing, I'll make her pay, don't you worry."_

Michiru chuckled. "I love you."

"_I love you too honey and I'll be there as soon as I can."_

"Thank you."

"_No problem. Let me know if you find out something."_

"Okay. Bye."

"_Bye."_

Michiru pocketed her phone. Joe returned from the bedroom with a slight frown on his face. "Come on, I'll give you a ride… just as soon as I find my keys."

**x x x**

Checking her departure time once again, Haruka walked to the small bookstore and browsed through the titles. She had another hour before the flight and it was going to be a long one with connections in London and Chicago. Haruka needed something to occupy her mind. She purposefully did not look at the section where newspapers and magazines faced the customers, she was sick and tired of those. Even though she did not read them, unless it was over Michiru's shoulder, it irked her to even see the cover pages.

Everything only got worse when the latest article came out. Haruka knew for a fact that Michiru and Max have never been together. Not just because of the constant reassurances she got from both, the insatiable need to clarify that there is nothing more than friendship between them that both women seemed to share. No, it was also the fact that she could see it in their body language. There was no sexual connotation, no desire, no chemistry. She knew both of these women intimately, one more than the other, but it did not change the fact that she would be able to tell. It just was not there. So it did not bother her that there were pictures that portrayed them as lovers, she knew it was not true. What bothered Haruka a lot more was the possibility of being drawn into this mess by association. If Michiru's relationships became scrutinized, Haruka may be put under a microscope - something she would not pass.

Sighing, Haruka grabbed a book and paid for it. She walked in the direction of her gate, stopping by the restroom on the way. She wondered, a lot, what it would be like to go to the women's restroom again, as opposed to always having to come to the other side. She walked to a stall in the corner and locked the door behind her. Haruka was tired. Really tired of everything. Having to hide, having to lie, having to battle through Michiru's divorce, having to fight for the right to be in that relationship. Of course it was not helping that she was all alone with Michiru and Joe gone and all these thoughts plagued her brain.

She was washing her hands when a bulky man in a suit entered the restroom. Rinsing the soap, Haruka tried to finish as soon as she could, avoiding the unpretty sight. She looked to her side again as she felt the man watching her.

"Can I help you?"

"You're Tenoh, right?"

"Yeah." Haruka walked towards him and grabbed the paper towel from an automatic dispenser. She could not explain what happened, but in the next moment the most splitting headache she has ever had doubled her up.

"Don't ever come near her again! She's out of your league." The man slammed her head into the wall again and quickly made his way out of the restroom.

Haruka was on the floor, gasping for air as her head rang with a dull sound and her skull felt like it was about to explode. She felt a wave of nausea coming up her throat and forced it back down, finally reaching her head with shaking hands. She sat down against the wall and held her throbbing head between her knees. She could almost see clear again when someone else walked into the bathroom.

"Sir, are you alright? You're bleeding." Someone helped her up and she leaned on the counter, staring at the cut across her forehead and the streaks of blood that ran down her face. Silently she extended her hand to the automatic dispenser that was kind enough to give her a clean paper towel. She wet it in the sink in front of her and washed off the blood, holding another piece of cold towel to her wound.

**x x x**

They walked into the garage and Joe pulled a set of keys from the hook on the wall. He waved his head at the white Mercedes E550. Joe unlocked the doors and walked to the driver's side, his hand freezing on the door handle as his eyes fell on his beloved Shelby. He let go of the door and walked around the front of the car, staring speechless at what used to be his prided possession. The bumper and the hood had small dents that were not clearly visible to an average eyes, but not to someone who knew the car as much as Joe knew his. The broken windshield with its spiderweb pattern of cracks would go unmissed by anyone.

"My god, Amanda, what did you do?" He turned to Michiru as she made her way to his side, staring at the car with a mixture of shock and fear. Joe opened his mouth and tried to make sense of it. "Maybe she ran into a deer."

Sam looked at the damage and shook his head. He squatted down to where blood was clearly visible on the midnight blue metal. Preoccupied with their own thoughts, the men only noticed that Michiru was gone when the door slammed closed in her wake. Jumping back to reality, they both followed.

They heard the yelling as soon as they opened the door. In the bedroom, Michiru sat on top of Amanda, slapping her face with both of her hands.

"What did you do? Tell me Amanda, what the hell did you do?" Tears streamed down her cheeks as she kept continuously slapping Amanda's.

Joe finally pulled her off. "She's passed out, Michiru, she's not going to give you an answer!"

"Let go of me!" Michiru got out of his arms and stood to the side of the room, wiping her tears with shaking swollen hands.

Joe handed the keys to Sam. "Take the car."

Sam gently turned Michiru towards the door as sobs started to rock her entire body.

**x x x**

Haruka was changing planes in London, sitting in front of a TV in the VIP lounge, mindlessly flipping channels, when she saw Max and Amanda. She turned up the volume and watched in awe as the short interview progressed. She smirked with a whole new appreciation for her friend as the interview concluded. At least one of them had the balls to take fate in her own hands.

**x x x**

The bucket with what used to be steaming hot water now contained a brown liquid. Joe kept scrubbing the surface with a sponge, scraping the paint he used to care so much about. The smell of chlorine filled the garage, but he no longer noticed it. He finally sat on the floor, dropping the sponge into the bucket and taking off his rubber gloves. There was not a speck of dirt left on the car, not to mention a speck of blood. He sat there, waiting for the car to dry. Then Joe got rid of the dirty water and dialed his mechanic.

"Hey, Juan, it's Joe DiCallo… I've been better… Listen, my car was vandalized… Just a broken windshield and a few dents… when can you pick it up?"

One problem dealt with, Joe moved on to the next. He dialed another number and waited patiently until he was transferred to the right person. "Dr. Stein, this is Joe, I need you to admit Amanda. She finished the refill she picked up a week and a half ago and she started drinking again… yes, you better put her on suicide watch… We're home… yes, I'll be here when the paramedics arrive."

Joe put the phone back in its cradle and walked to the living room couch. He sat down and held his head between his hands, wondering what the hell he was doing and not knowing what else to do. He felt that whatever Amanda did, she did so under the influence. She was not herself when she drove his car and for all he knew it may have been an accident. He really loved her, though, and for her he would do anything. Anything at all.

**x x x**

The sound of the rhythmically beeping machine was all too familiar. Even before opening her eyes she knew she was in a hospital. For a moment, Max wondered if she was still thirteen and if everything else was just a dream. Her getting away from him, her living a normal life, becoming a musician. It sure felt like she was right back to the first time she found herself in a hospital bed. Only this time it felt so much worse. No, it did not feel like one man could do so much damage to her body. With a terrifying realization that she could not feel some parts of her body, Max opened her eyes. She exhaled painfully when she realized that her right arm was still there, it just must have fallen asleep under Michiru's weight.

It was dark in the room, only an overnight light was turned on behind her head. She could feel the oxygen mask on, which meant her lungs or throat were damaged. She could not turn her head, so there must have been a brace there, but she could not feel it with all the meds she was sure they pumped her. Her left arm was in a cast, and Max sighed sadly, saying goodbye to the tour in her mind. As she looked on she noticed one of her legs to be elevated in another cast. So, she could not go dancing either. Max's eyes made full circle, coming back to the aqua head that rested against her side, Michiru's torso slumped over the edge of the bed on to Max's arm. She looked so peaceful, Max did not want to wake her up. However, she was starting to feel the needles piercing into her numb arm, so she gently pulled it out, waking up the violinist who was holding to her hand with both of hers. It was quite endearing to see those ocean blues clouded with sleep slowly come to reality. They blinked and worry filled Michiru's face.

"You're awake." She got up and hugged Max, giving her a soft kiss on her cheek, avoiding lacerations.

Max tried shaking her hand to get rid of the annoying feeling before her hand became fully functional again. She pulled off her oxygen mask and tried to smile. "Am I?"

"Two minutes out of unconsciousness and she's already hitting on my girlfriend again."

Max turned to the voice that came from the foot of her bed. For the first time she noticed Haruka sitting in a chair. The latter flipped on the overhead lights. They all blinked for a moment, giving Max time to find a comeback. She forgot it as soon as she saw Haruka's bandaged face.

"Who did you beat up this time?"

Haruka touched the bandaid on her forehead and smiled back. "At least I wasn't dumb enough to fight with a speeding car."

"Hey, you have your fun with cars, I have mine." She turned back to Michiru who sat back in the chair. "How bad is it?"

"You know, broken bones, damaged organs… head trauma…" Michiru tried to force a smile. "Do you want me to call your doctor?"

"No." The inability to shake her head was driving Max crazy. "So nothing that will keep me here long enough to miss Haruka's birthday, right?"

"Haruka's birthday is in January, Max."

"I know. I was her present once. Ow." She gave Michiru an accusing look for pinching her on the arm. "What did I miss?"

"The interview. Haruka being assaulted at an airport, supposedly by one of my fans." Michiru looked at her girlfriend who only shook her throbbing head in response. They both turned back to the bed wide-eyed as the steady beep turned into a long one. "Max?" Michiru jumped to her feet, staring at the line on the heart monitor in complete disbelief. Max's eyes were closed as though she never even woke up.

Haruka pressed the emergency button for the nurse, even though she could already hear the footsteps in the quiet of the night. As medical staff filled the room, Haruka grabbed Michiru across her upper body and restrained her from getting in the way.

"She was just talking to us! She was joking!" Michiru cried out over the voices that kept shouting around Max. As Max's bed was wheeled out of the room, Michiru turned around and grabbed Haruka's shirt, wetting it with her tears. "WHY? Why her? What has she ever done?"

Haruka hugged Michiru closer, unable to say anything back. She stroked the back of Michiru's head, feeling the silky surface of her hair. As she watched everyone leave the room, her own face became wet with tears. She felt like she was reliving Karin's death again. The girl that joked the day before she collapsed. The quick demise of someone she was not ready to let go of yet. Haruka held on tighter to Michiru, letting her sobs break free.

**x x x**

"_Not to borrow my colleague's words, but where does that leave you?"_

"_Same place I've been in before. As far away from Amanda as possible, in good terms with my best friend Michiru Kaioh and her significant other, and as single as ever."_

As the video clip ended, she rubbed her temples and stared into space.

"What are you still doing here?"

Kate looked up as Chelsea dropped a stack of papers on her desk. "Thinking. What are you doing here?"

"I just got the DMV records from a friend of mine."

"A friend of yours?"

"Yeah, NYPD. He got me a printout on everyone who has a registered Ferrari in NY and results for Tenoh through the license database."

"Wow. Some connections you got there." Kate turned back away, still supporting her head with her hands.

Chelsea looked at Kate's monitor and sighed. "It wasn't your fault."

"Sure it was."

"How?"

"If only I never printed that story about their divorce… none of it would've happened."

"How is a hit and run even connected to this?"

"It's too coincidental. I'm sure it's connected."

"Then you should be investigating it, not sitting at your desk at midnight."

Kate shook her head. "I can't, Chel. It's like everything we do is poisonous."

"Don't be so melodramatic. Go get some sleep." Chelsea took a seat and turned to the documents she brought while Kate finally closed the browser window.

Kate logged off and put everything she needed in her bag. She threw it across her shoulder and got up, placing her chair against the table. She almost jumped when Chelsea suddenly grabbed her arm.

"What?" She looked down at her neighbor.

Chelsea just held on to her, staring at the page that she held with the other hand. She finally turned, putting the paper in front of Kate. "Tell me I'm not hallucinating."

Kate looked at the black and white photograph of a younger Haruka and the text next to it. She was not sure what Chelsea was talking about as she read the name, the home address and the date of birth of the racer. It was not until she reached the single letter to the side that she stared at it in the same disbelief.

"Maybe it's a typo."

Chelsea grabbed the papers back. "And if it's not?"

Kate pulled her chair and sat back down. "Chelsea, I beg of you, don't do anything stupid. If this is real…"

"It's the story of the year!"

"No, it will ruin another life."

Chelsea turned to her. "Are you kidding me? If Tenoh's a woman… that's a career breakthrough!"

"It doesn't make sense. How could anyone pretend to be a man for so long? And he's dating Michiru."

"So what? She's bisexual."

"As claimed by a jealous woman who lied about everything she said in that interview."

"Maybe she didn't lie about everything."

"Chelsea, really, please don't jump to conclusions… you don't want to blame yourself for something bad that happens, trust me."

Chelsea looked at her pleading friend and smiled. "I promise, I won't jump to conclusions."

"Thank you." Kate got up. "I'll see you in the morning."

"Yep, see you then." The more Chelsea considered the possibility of Haruka being a woman, the more she regretted telling Kate of her discovery. She spent the night at her desk, researching everything she could find on the racer, everything she did not know as of yet.

**x x x**

They watched the sunrise above the clouds before their plane dove into the white fluffy substance and took course for the landing strip below. The wide gray leather seats, the comfortable temperature of the cabin, the expensive drinks they just finished, none of it mattered anymore. Alan could remember four years ago, when they flew to the West Coast for their first tour. They were not flying first class, in fact they were sitting behind a family with small children who cried the whole way. Alan would have given a lot to be there again. So many things have happened since then and very few of them were good. His career, what he at some point felt he lived for, it brought nothing but grief to his personal life and to his friends. He lost the love of his life because of ambition, both his and hers, he lost a friend to jealousy of an insane woman, and he was losing his best friend to drugs.

Alan sighed and elbowed Mark. "Come on, we have a press conference to attend."

Mark stirred in his seat, stretching as he gradually woke up. "Are we getting a new drummer or what?"

Alan slapped him on the back of his head. "Don't you ever say something like that again."

**x x x**

It was raining, the gusts of wind pulling on the umbrellas as pedestrians hurried down the street. The wind did not bother Kate, she forgot her umbrella anyway. Her hair thoroughly soaked and her light trench coat covered in a pattern of large wet spots, she finally got to the lobby of Angle. Making her way through the maze of cubicles, she came to her own and dropped her bag into the corner, taking off the wet garment and fruitlessly drying her hair with it. Giving up on having any semblance of normalcy that day, Kate looked at her neighbor's empty desk. She looked at the clock, it was just past eight.

Kate turned to the secretary that was passing by. "Do you know where Chelsea is?"

"She got an okay for an investigation somewhere upstate. You just missed her."

Kate silently sat down and stared at the empty desk. Much like Chelsea, she did not sleep that night, only she did not sleep for a different reason. Ever since the news of Max's accident came out, followed by the news of Haruka's assault at an airport by a zealous fan, she felt like the burden was on her. Maybe if someone else ran the original story she would have felt different, but as things were Kate could not blame it on anyone else.

Turning on her computer, she opened a new document and started typing. She only reviewed it once, sending it to print on the machine that stood by the wall. She walked to the multifunction printer and grabbed a single sheet of paper. Walking back to her desk, she quickly signed it and headed for the 'fish tank.'

She stopped by the secretary's desk to see if her editor, who she could clearly see through the glass wall, was busy. After she was given the go-ahead, Kate knocked on the door and entered.

"Ah, Kate. I hear you and Chelsea are getting some leads, good for you. What's this?" He looked down at the piece of paper she put in front of him.

"My resignation letter. Effective immediately."

**x x x**

The four remaining Paradigm members sat at a long table, Simon Frank in their midst. They answered questions regarding their uncertain future, officially cancelling their European tour and announcing that they were taking another break. Unlike when they took the break so that Mark could go into rehab, this time no one seemed to find it in themselves to object.

After the press conference was over they got back in the stretch limo which took them to the hospital. As they rode the elevator, Alan turned to his friend. "I want you to go back in rehab while this is going on."

Mark threw him an offended look. "You're nuts. I'm not using."

"Right." Alan got out of the elevator first and walked down the hall. He stopped in front of one of the rooms with an open door. Michiru sat in a chair against the wall, staring at an empty perfectly made up bed. She was not crying anymore, but he could tell that she simply ran out of tears. His hand twitched as she turned to face him and her face was distorted with pain, her bloodshot eyes shining with a new wave of oncoming tears. He walked to her and dropped to his knees, hugging her small shaking frame. She put her forehead on top of his head, clutching to the dark strands of his short hair.

Rob, Mark and Kyle silently stood in the doorway, feeling extremely out of place. With the bed made up, they could only venture a guess as to what has happened. After another couple of minutes they made their way to a small waiting room down the hall.

Michiru finally raised her head and wiped her face dry, watching Alan do the same. He still stood awkwardly in front of her when she turned to the sound of footsteps. Haruka stood in the doorway, leaning against the wall. Michiru jumped to her feet and dragged her girlfriend into the chair.

"Sit down, why are you even walking?"

Haruka did not reply, fighting lightheadedness with nothing but her stubbornness.

A nurse in pink scrubs came in shortly after, carrying a bunch of saltines and a glass of water. "I tried to keep her still, but it's just impossible." She handed the saltines to Haruka and the plastic cup to Michiru. "Make sure she eats it all, I don't need another patient on my watch."

"Thank you." Michiru forced a smile for the nurse. She grabbed a small packet out of Haruka's limp hands and broke it open, handing the saltines back to Haruka. "Eat."

Haruka grimaced, eyeing the treat in her hand with distaste. "I don't feel well, Michi, this is just going to make me gag."

Michiru sighed and put the rest of saltines on the bed. "Haruka, I can't lose you both. I can't even fathom losing either of you… and if you want to help her if it comes to that, you need to be healthy."

Haruka let out a deep sigh that only made her dizziness worse and put a saltine in her mouth. Michiru took a few steps back, sitting on the edge of the bed. Only then did she realize that Alan was still in the room. More, he was intently staring at Haruka, his face unreadable. He kept replaying the nurse's words in his mind, trying to make sense of it. Neither Haruka nor Michiru seemed to react to the was the nurse addressed the racer, so Alan had nothing left but to assume that it was not a mistake. After another long moment he walked to the door and closed it shut. It reopened after he made no more than two steps back. Sam peaked in, giving Alan an assessing look.

"It's okay, Sam. You can leave it closed." Michiru waved him away opening another packet. She handed saltines to Haruka and looked at Alan.

"You're a woman?" Alan asked quietly, nothing but shock in his voice.

Haruka put the saltines in her mouth and chewed instead of answering.

**x x x**

**They say you learn the true measure of your friends when you get in trouble. I think we all were really put to test that one out. I guess we were all forced to take sides because no matter how good of a friend you may have been to someone, there was someone else in the middle of that mess you cared for even more. I mean for five years I thought that Joe and I would get through everything together, he was my best friend… but love changes people, it changes their priorities. I also never thought that I'd risk my career or health for someone who was a new friend, but I did it without another thought. Whether it was for her or the woman I love, it doesn't matter. The fact remains, everything got twisted. It was a combination of sweet and sour: friends turning on each other and perceived enemies giving each other strength.**


	27. CH 26

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Haruka and Michiru's characters, they belong to Naoko Takeuchi. All other characters and this story belong to me. This story is fictional. Any references to real life companies, places and events are weaved into a web of fiction and do not have any connection with reality.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**AN:** Guess what, I'm back. And yes, the only reason I've been able to write this much is because I don't have a life… lucky you. Thanks for the reviews! Keep it up and I'll keep up with you!

_**petiyaka: **_Forgiven. And it's kinda hard to hurt me all the way across the Atlantic…

_**My Veggie Burger: **_Sorry, less studying for you again. But hey, I pretty much answered all of your questions in the chapter below :)

_**ilovemichiru25: **_Because I love Max. And people I love suffer in my fics. I am that terrible. By burly I just meant biggish… but he was wearing a suit, not leather pants and holding a bike chain… Hey, I should've put twitter up instead of the article names… it would've been so much fun! Too late now. Yeah, I'm going to break my promise about not killing anyone… although it was brought to my attention that I promised to kill at least someone earlier in the fic, so I guess it's a web of lies… maybe I'm turning into Amanda (*xexexe). Can I take a ride in your time machine?

_**Fusionmix: **_I didn't even think about that… perhaps because I wasn't going to make Max mumble… but that could've been interesting. Tension? What's that? :P

_**SeraEris:**_ I hear a ringing in my head… must be someone repeating my thoughts… !get the hell out of my mind, it's uncanny! :D Close, but not quite.

_**Mm-Burnt-Toast-mM: **_I think there are even crazier fans in real life. I mean I've seen some at the concerts and stuff… you just stay away from them if you value your life. A lot of times they're blonde (and I can say that, I'm a blonde… only I'm not anyone's fan). Yeah, sorry to hear about the neighbor… you want me to send Amanda over? She'll take care of the Shelby for you.

_**Mantaray: **_Fight! Fight! Fight!

_**TheHuntress: **_Greetings German Huntress! Thank you both for reviewing and the comment about style. Your sense is right, there is more drama to come, pretty much until I run out of it.

_**lostinhersong: **_I don't think Joe will be the catalyst, more like a fuel to the fire. But it won't be what he does, it'll be what he doesn't do. Is that cryptic enough for you? I'm sleepy :|

_**Tenoh and Kaioh: **_Need a nurse for your heart? It's ok, read on…

_**lintolove: **_:) Ready for more?

_**Fate-187: **_I actually see as H&M's relationship being in peace. I mean the world may be crashing around them, but they're together. They haven't had any fights or arguments, they're happy… I made Max suffer instead of either of them. I like your reference to soap bubbles :)

_**lucimonk: **_Aww, I'm really honored that you like my OC more than H/M. Now how can I kill her after that? Not that I could do it before either…

_**imjce: **_Did you bail on me because of the challenge? What happened to the times when you read my updates when the phone buzzed early in the morning? Uhh… fine. Cookies with a smile!

Cheer up peops, it's dark, but it's all good...

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**Chapter 26**

"You're a woman?" Alan asked quietly, nothing but shock in his voice.

Haruka put the saltines in her mouth and chewed instead of responding. After neither Haruka nor Michiru said anything, Alan walked up to Haruka, boldly extending his hand out. She slapped it and moved deeper into the chair.

"Hey, keep your hands to yourself."

"My god, you are a woman! How the hell?" He turned to Michiru then back to Haruka. Alan walked up to the bed and took a seat on the opposite side, watching Michiru continue force-feeding Haruka. "You know, I don't even want to know how this is possible. I mean you being a woman." He turned to Michiru. "Was I right about you and Max?"

"I never had anything with Max!" Michiru hissed back.

"But you are with… a woman?" Alan pointed to Haruka. Michiru did not reply. Alan chuckled. "Oh, man, this is just nuts. You know, you could've just said 'Alan, I want a divorce because your genitalia doesn't suit me.' That would've made more sense."

Haruka laughed silently as Michiru starred daggers at her ex-husband. "I wasn't into women when I left you. I even wasn't into women when I met her. I only realized I was seeing one after I came across Haruka in a skirt."

Now Alan laughed out loud. "Oh, this is good. I mean, you can't come up with things like that, they have to happen to you." Without anything else to say he just kept staring at Haruka.

"You're making me uncomfortable."

"I didn't even know that was possible." Alan scratched the back of his neck. "I mean, damn, I followed all of your races and stuff… your interviews with the reporters, the way you handled them after the court… it kinda makes more sense. How the hell did you pull this off? We can't even keep a divorce off of their radar."

Haruka shrugged. "I don't know."

"Wait until Devin finds out!"

Michiru whipped her head to the side. "Are you crazy? You're not telling anyone about this."

"Don't worry, I'll wait until it comes out in yellow press, then I'll tell my brother. Wow." He shook off this new information and grew serious again, remembering why he was there. "Max?"

"She's in surgery." Michiru handed the last of saltines to Haruka and got rid of the trash. "She was unconscious ever since she was brought here, then she woke up… talked to us as though everything was fine… and then her heart stopped. There's extensive damage to her body. Her leg is broken in two places, her hip is broken, her arm has an open break… She hit her head pretty heard, they had to do a decompressive craniotomy. She lost a lot of blood and both of her kidneys are failing."

"Did they put her on a priority list for the transplant?"

Michiru shook her head. "The damage is too extensive, they wouldn't put her on the list." She nodded at Haruka. "They're a match. Haruka donated blood and if Max is stable enough for a kidney transplant and still needs one, Haruka's going to donate it."

Alan looked at the blonde with a newly assessing look. "You don't look like you can afford to give a kidney. You look like shit."

"Thanks, I was starting to miss Max's sarcasm." She rubbed her temple. "I just have a bit of a concussion and they sucked a bucket of blood out of me. Otherwise I'm fine."

"If you say so. You know, I can check if I'm a match."

"You're not." Michiru announced. She already knew Alan's blood type.

"It's okay, I can't miss the opportunity to save her life anyway. It's something I can hold against her for the rest of it." Haruka chuckled.

Alan looked from Haruka to Michiru, who shrugged. "They have history."

Alan sat back down. "I feel like I'm in a whole different universe."

They all turned as the door opened and a resident walked in. Michiru got up to her feet in anticipation of the news.

"We evacuated her epidural hematoma through craniotomy, relieving the pressure from her brain. Concurrently we had to deal with some internal bleeding that did not develop until after she came in. Because of the cardiac arrest that she went into earlier, the damage to her kidneys only worsened. We were able to stabilize her, but she will be unconscious for a while, we put her in an induced coma to give her body an opportunity to heal itself."

Michiru was slightly shaking as she listened to the report. Haruka stood up and hugged her by the waist, feeling Michiru automatically readjust herself to support Haruka. Her body still trembling, she finally found her voice. "Why did it happen? She was just fine… she talked to us…"

"We often see this in patients with traumatic brain injury. It's actually a good sign in your friend's case because she came in unconscious and then had a lucid interval before falling back into unconsciousness. Going into cardiac arrest is not surprising with the extent of injuries she has suffered. Unfortunately, both increase the chances of brain damage, but we won't know the full extent of it until she wakes up."

"Where is she?" Alan asked.

"She's in the ICU. You can visit her, but you cannot stay there."

**x x x**

Michiru was standing outside of the ICU, watching Max through the glass. Even compared to the day before, when they found her alone in the hospital room, she looked worse. Michiru turned at the sound of quickly approaching footsteps. Max's parents were walking down the hallway. Michiru met them halfway, greeting them with a hug. She told both of them everything she knew, all three coming to stand next to Max's room. Michiru forced a reassuring smile as Max's parents made their way in.

"Hey, we're going to head back to the hotel. Can you let me know when something changes?" Alan stood next to her.

"Sure." Michiru gave him a small hug. "Get some sleep."

Alan nodded. "You need it much more than I do." He turned to Haruka. "You take care of yourself."

She forced a smile, nodding her head. They both watched as the remaining Paradigm bandmates left the waiting area and disappeared in the elevator. Michiru walked to the small couch Haruka was sitting on and sat down, melting into the comfort of Haruka's embrace. She prayed silently for anyone who heard her to keep Max alive. That was something she has been doing a lot lately.

Michiru woke up when a gentle hand touched her on the shoulder. She looked up to see Max's mother leaning over her. Haruka slept peacefully on her shoulder.

"You should go get some rest. We'll be here."

Looking at her obviously exhausted girlfriend Michiru nodded. "Will you call me if anything? At all?"

"Of course."

**x x x**

"Have you talked to Joe?" Michiru asked as they walked the short distance to their hotel, Sam trailing them behind, out of the earshot.

Haruka shook her head. "Haven't heard from him since I landed."

"Did they go to the police?"

"If they did, we would've heard it on the news by now."

"So true." Michiru looked at the asphalt in front of her. "I feel like everything I know just went to hell."

Haruka brought her closer. "I'm still here."

"And you don't know how much I appreciate that."

Haruka smiled and kissed her on the temple as they made their way inside the hotel lobby. Half an hour later they lay in bed, freshly showered and utterly exhausted. Michiru snuggled closer as Haruka stroked through the wet aqua strands.

"When is your next race?"

"In ten days."

"Where?"

"Monza."

"I'll go with you."

Haruka looked down on Michiru, but could not see her face in the dimness of the room with the curtains drawn. "You don't have to." She did not bring up the possibility of not going to the race at all. If she were to donate that kidney as intended, there wold be no way for Haruka to race.

"I want to be with you."

"Michi, I'll be fine." Haruka felt her chest tighten as Michiru's tear dropped to her skin. "Please don't cry. I'm not going anywhere, love."

"Everything you do, every race… I never really thought about it before, but it's all dangerous."

Haruka chuckled without any humor. "You sound like Karin."

"Your sister was a smart girl."

"My sister kept holding on to the tiniest threads… But the fact of the matter is, I race every other week and I've never been in a serious car accident. Max got ran over walking down the street."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" Michiru set the chin on Haruka's breast.

"No, but it's supposed to make a point. Whatever is supposed to happen to us will happen whether we want it or not, whether we try to avoid it or not."

Michiru laid her head back down, pondering on her life for the short while it took her to fall asleep.

**x x x**

It was too bright and too loud. She twisted and turned in bed until she finally woke up, finding herself sitting upright. She was in a small room, the bed next to her was empty and unmade. Bare concrete walls were painted in white half way up, the incandescent lights were turned off. The window to her left did not have curtains or blinds, instead it had bars. Amanda threw her feet over the side of the bed and walked to the window, looking outside. She could see the outlines of other buildings behind the trees. The one directly opposite was made of brick and had the same bars on the windows.

"Where am I?" She asked no one in particular as she walked to the metal door with a small glass window in the upper portion. Fearing the worst, she turned the handle and sighed in relief after the door opened. She saw a couple of people in robes and scrubs walking up and down the wide hallway. Amanda let go of the door and walked in the direction of an open space on the right. She soon found herself in a large room with a nurses' station behind a large glass. One of the nurses looked up at her and smiled, opening the small window over the counter.

"Ah, Ms. Johnson, you're awake. I'll let Dr. Stein know."

"Dr. Stein?" Amanda blinked as the nurse closed the window and picked up the phone. Amanda turned around and stared at the people that were sitting all over the room. Some on the chairs, some on the couches, some next to the round tables that held an assortment of games. Their trembling frames, their constant mumbling and occasional shouting left no question in Amanda's mind as to where she was. The two questions that her mind screamed instead were why was she in a psychiatric facility and who put her there.

**x x x**

After spending a day in Watkins Glen, Chelsea had no doubt whatsoever that Haruka Tenoh was a woman. It did not take her long to find out that the Tenohs had two daughters, one of which was adopted. She also found out that Haruka's sister passed away a number of years ago. As she sat in her car, sipping on her sugary drink and contemplating her next career move, Chelsea thought of something else. Smiling, she started the car and drove to the nearest library.

**x x x**

Alan woke up before the sun started setting. There were no messages on his phone, so he assumed there were no news. Alan walked to the room next door, but his knocking went unanswered. Mark was either asleep or gone. Sighing, Alan pulled out his phone and dialed Michiru's number.

"Hey, it's me. Have you two had any food yet?"

**x x x**

"That's a nice place." Alan observed as they sat at a table inside a small restaurant. The building at one time seemed to be a house, later converted for its current use. Heavy wooden beams were exposed above their heads, the shade of the wood matching that of the tables and chairs.

"I know the owners." Haruka opened the menu. "It's nice to come somewhere the reporters won't be alerted to a dinner between three people who shouldn't be together."

"Oh so true." Alan also opened the menu. Neither of them had anything to eat since the night before, other than the saltines for Haruka. Alan made his choice and relaxed into the back of the chair, studying his ex-wife and her girlfriend. "You know, it's weird… but knowing what I know now, I don't feel any animosity. It's like the rules of the game have changed and I can finally function normally."

"You're making no sense." Michiru whispered.

"I've let go." He clarified simply.

Michiru looked up at him and smiled. "And all it took was for me to date a woman."

They shared a chuckle as the waitress approached and took their orders. After they got their drinks, Alan asked something that has been plaguing his mind. "So what really happened?"

The official story that ran on the news was that Max was a victim of a hit and run by an unknown assailant. Knowing the background with the interviews, Alan seriously doubted that was the case.

"Amanda ran her over."

Alan looked at his ex-wife. "I was afraid you'd say that."

She in turn looked at Haruka. "You should call Joe and see what's going on with that."

Haruka shook her head. "It's not a phone kind of conversation. We'll pay them a visit after dinner. See what the hell they're waiting for."

"It's been over two days." Alan observed. "Didn't police question her?"

"I don't know." Haruka supported her chin with her arm.

"Are you okay? You really do look like shit."

Haruka looked up at the man. "Why do you care?"

"I don't know… Maybe it's the knowledge."

"What, it makes you feel more superior? Manly?" They locked eyes, silently battling it out. In her current condition, though, Haruka was no match. She gave up. "I'm just tired."

"You've got quite a load on your shoulders."

"Unfortunately, unburdening myself will lead to nothing but a disaster."

"You want me to write a song?"

Haruka laughed quietly. "I'm sure that will make it all better." She grew serious again. "I just feel like I'm watching an oncoming tsunami, knowing that there isn't a way to escape it, but still hoping that the glass wall in front of me will protect me. It's unreasonable, but the impact of it just scares me shitless."

"Things we do in the name of our careers." Alan looked at Michiru who could not look up at him for the life of her.

**x x x**

Haruka unlocked the garage with the code she typed quickly on the security pad. As the door rolled up slowly, she prepared herself to see the weapon Amanda used against Max. Both her and Michiru kept standing there as the sound of the motor died away, the two cars in the garage lit up by the overhead light. There was nothing wrong with the Shelby.

Coming out of her stupor, Michiru walked up to the car and inspected the bumper, where she was sure she saw dents before. She even traced the metal with her palm.

"I'm not dreaming. I know what I saw."

"I know you did. Sam's a witness too." Haruka walked up to the windshield and looked closer. She traced the edge of the glass. "He fixed it. The windshield is new. I'm sure whatever damage was done to the front was fixed and painted over."

Haruka lowered the garage door and walked into the house in search of her friend. Lately it seemed like every time she saw Joe she wanted to pummel him into the ground. She found him sitting in the dark in the living room, sipping on his favorite whiskey. Haruka flipped the lights on and stood in front of him.

"What the hell did you do?"

He looked at her tiredly. "Wouldn't you do the same if Michiru killed someone?"

"What the hell are you talking about? You made yourself into an accomplice! Where is she?"

"She's not here."

"Then where?"

"Somewhere you won't reach her."

Haruka grabbed the bottle out of his hand and set it on the side table. "Joe, look at me. Amanda tried to kill Max, she's nuts. You have to take her to the police."

He shook his head. "You're right. She did go nuts, but the police won't help her."

Haruka narrowed her eyes. "You got her admitted to a psych facility? Which one?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Joe, even if you fixed the car, there's a trail. You have witnesses who saw the car, Amanda had a motive. She's not going to get the get out of jail free ticket."

Joe stood up, swaying lightly. "It's really simple when it comes down to it, Haruka. If I have to chose between her and you, I will." He turned to Michiru. "If you or your bodyguard mention anything you saw that day, I'll tell everyone that Haruka is a woman."

Haruka threw him back on the couch, her knuckles itching to hit his face. "You blackmailing, back stabbing piece of shit."

"You'd do the same if the woman you love was involved."

Haruka shook her head. "No. I'd turn her to the police and then hire the best god damn attorney money can afford."

"I don't like lottery, Haruka."

She just stood there, towering over him, trying to control herself. She finally felt Michiru wrap a hand around her waist. "He's not worth it."

Haruka felt tears accumulate in the corners of her eyes. At least unlike with Max, here she knew she lost a friend beyond doubt.

**x x x**

Despite the fact that Max was in a state of induced coma, Michiru, Haruka, Alan, and Max's parents kept switching shifts by her side. The concept of a twenty-four hour day was reshaped based on when they came to the hospital, eating and sleeping around it, not when the rest of the world did the same. Slowly but steadily Max's vital signs gained strength, keeping the hope alive.

A week after she was admitted, Max was transferred back to a regular room and the doctors decided to give her a chance to wake up. Throwing their schedule aside, everyone assembled in the room, waiting for Max's first joke. Despite their hopes and prayers, she did not show any signs of waking up that first day, or the day after.

Max's parents sat on the couch against the far wall of the room. Michiru sat in a chair at the foot of Max's bed, something she claimed as her post. Alan was not around, taking care of the band's business. Haruka went to get coffee for all four of them. She came back fifteen minutes later and handed out the cups, sipping out of hers as she looked at the all-too-familiar unmoving figure in the bed. Sighing, Haruka grabbed the chair that sat to the side and moved it closer to Michiru's.

"You should go get some sleep." Ever so worried Max's mother suggested.

Haruka shook her head. "I'll take a nap on the couch when the coffee wears off."

The television above Michiru's head was turned to a news channel, muted to not disturb anyone in the room. Haruka got up and switched the channel as Max's picture came on the screen again. As the reporters seemed not to get tired of talking about the tragedy with no news to report, they always put the same photograph of Max, one where she was smiling, her brown eyes shining. Haruka turned back to her chair and stared straight into those browns. Only they were void of any light. At a loss for words, Haruka just pointed at Max, bringing the other three occupants in the room to motion.

As the women spoke over each other and Max's father cried in silence, Haruka walked outside of the room and caught the nearest nurse. She was not about to risk Max not seeing a doctor right away again. They were ushered out of the room as the medical staff checked on Max. Michiru was pacing up and down the hallway, unable to sit or stand still. Max's parents stood to the side, whispering in hushed voices. Haruka sipped on her coffee, feeling the uncertainty tighten her chest. She did not want to get her hopes high, she was too afraid to come crashing down. They all held their breaths as people came out of the room, the neurologist staying behind to talk to them.

"We removed the oxygen mask, replacing it with a regular tube, so she can speak now. Her vitals are good, her chances of recovery just increased significantly. We will keep her on dialysis until she is stable enough to accept a transplant. I don't foresee that happening for at least another month." He searched for words. "While her physical functions seem to be intact, unfortunately, she did not avoid brain damage."

Michiru's hand flew to her mouth as Max's mother gasped. She grabbed on to Haruka, trying to not lose control again.

"I'm sorry, she has retrograde amnesia."

Max's father found his voice first. "How extensive?"

"I can't tell the full extent of it as of yet. It will become clearer through future interviews and your interactions with her. At this point, the only thing she was able to tell me was the year."

"Is it permanent?"

"Some memories come back, others never resurface."

**x x x**

The voices never stopped. Whether it was day or night, they never shut up. She knew she was not crazy, but the constant presence of crazy people around her was driving Amanda insane. She sat in the corner, away from everyone else in the room, clutching to her robe as she intently watched people around her. She wanted to make sure none of them came too close.

In the past she had episodes when she did not know what really happened and what did not. In the end, acting was part of her life, whether intentional or not. For example, she really did start to believe that she was bullied in school when she dated Max. She felt very sorry for herself then. The cheerleading squad and her other clicks seemed to be a part of the dream, not reality. Or her parents… when she told Michiru that marrying Alan was a mistake… she really did believe that her parents suffered through their marriage and then got a divorce, despite the fact that they still lived happily in their house on La Miranda Avenue.

Sitting on the hard, uncomfortable chair, Amanda wondered what really was part of her life. No one but Joe came to visit her. Perhaps she really did not have anyone else but him in her life. That first time he came, a week ago, she desperately wanted to forget that meeting, pretend that it was a dream. With all the convincing she did since then it almost started to feel that way. If only she could get rid of that phrase that ran continuously in her head: "Mandy, you ran over Max." It brought all those scattered memories back. Like flashes of something that happened to someone else. The interview, the argument with Max, losing her role, driving the Shelby. Watching Max's terrified face as she turned at the sound of the car approaching. The loud humph as Max's body hit the windshield, cracking it. The unmoving pile that was Max on the side of the road. The never ending twists and turns of the streets until she found her way back home.

Amanda did not remember anything after that. She did not know how she parked the car, did not know if she even got home. She did not know how she got to the mental institution. It did not matter now. What mattered was that she had to try just a little harder to forget it all. And then she had to make the doctor release her. Let her out of this hell. Then she could go back to being loved. By Joe. Or any of the other men she was seeing.

**x x x**

She felt the tears run down the sides of her face. Her body did not feel right; it did not ache per se, but it felt uncomfortable, wrong. What was much worse, she had no idea who those crying people staring down at her were. She surmised that the older two must have been her parents. Who the other woman and the man were she had no clue. It was absolutely terrifying. She could not explain any of it. Like she did not remember her own name, but she knew that she was in a hospital in LA. She could see the skyline out of the window of her room and she recognized it. She did not know why she was there or for how long, but she knew that there was a six o'clock news and for some reason it was important.

She could see that the people crying by her side loved her, but she felt nothing whatsoever towards them. She did not know them. Max wiped the tears with her healthy hand and cleared her throat.

"I'm sorry." She whispered in a hoarse voice.

Her mother moved in closer, brushing her healthy cheek with the back of her fingers. "Don't be sorry, sweetie. It will come back to you… and if it doesn't, it will not change the fact that we love you. Your daddy and I will always love you Maxie."

"Thanks mom." She sounded like she really meant it and it was so easy to forget that she only said it because it was something to be expected.

Max watched as the young woman with aqua hair wiped her tears and touched her mother's shoulder. "We're going to give you some time alone."

Her mother smiled appreciatively. "I'll call you if anything. Take care, Mich. Haruka."

As they said their goodbyes, not forgetting to smile at her with those heartbreaking faces that tried to hide disappointment and pain, Max felt another onslaught of tears coming. Why could she not remember someone who obviously was close enough to her to care so much? She watched them walk away and turned to her parents. She did not know what to say. She did not know if she was supposed to ask about her life or let it come to her.

Her mother made that choice for her. She started from the beginning, from how she met Max's father. As Max listened to her talk, she felt like she was listening to fairy tales. There was no feeling connecting her to any of the facts she learned. Like when she started to walk. Or that she played drums. Or that she was in a famous band. Or that she was a successful deejay. Or that the aqua-haired woman named Michiru was her best friend. All of it was foreign to her.

**x x x**

Almost habitually now, they shared another meal together. Michiru played with the penne in her plate, constantly rearranging it from side to side.

"Mich, you have to eat something." Alan prompted.

"I'm not hungry."

"You haven't eaten since this morning, I will feed you by force if necessary." Haruka warned.

"Alan is a lot gentler than you are." She whispered back.

Haruka turned to Alan helplessly. He just shrugged. Haruka turned back. "Look at me. Michi, look at me." Haruka waited for the sad blues to look up at her and sighed. "Please eat. Neither of us wants you to get sick. It's not going to help Max."

Michiru nodded silently and sat her fork down. "I'll be right back."

They both watched her walk to the restroom. Haruka sighed and set her fork down as well. "Has she ever suffered from depression?"

Alan looked at her in surprise. "No." He thought more about it. "Well, there was a period of time when she was acting kind of similar… I guess it was the beginning of the end our marriage."

Haruka pinched the bridge of her nose. "My mother suffered from a depression when my sister died. Michiru is kind of starting to remind me of her."

"What can we do?"

"I don't know. Get her to see a doctor?"

"Good luck with that." Alan watched as Michiru reappeared. "The only person that's ever been able to convince Michiru to go see a doctor for any reason is Max. She's surprisingly resistant to medical attention."

Haruka's lips tightened as she watched Michiru sit down and start on her food. She shook her head and returned to her own meal.

"Are you racing this weekend?" Alan asked.

"Yeah. Depending on when Max's ready I might only be able to fit in a couple more races this season." She turned to Michiru. "Do you still want to come?"

Michiru chewed her pasta slowly. "I don't know."

Haruka looked at Alan. "Are you staying in LA for a while?"

Understanding what her concern was Alan nodded. "I don't have any other commitments, so might as well hang around Max."

Haruka gave him a small smile of thanks. It did not go unnoticed by Michiru who was seemingly preoccupied with her food. "You don't have to babysit me. I'm not going to turn into a psycho."

"I'd like to borrow your phrase from some time before." Alan smiled at her. "Despite your egocentric belief, the world doesn't revolve around you."

"Ouch." Haruka breathed out into her glass. "You two definitely have been married."

Alan sent her a grin. "When are you leaving?"

"Tomorrow."

**x x x**

Digging into Haruka's past became a rather addicting hobby. As Chelsea returned to work, with regret relaying to her editor that the story hit a dead-end, she contemplated what else she could find. With her co-worker gone, Chelsea felt like she had a full freedom to let her imagination roam. In the end, the voice of reason was no longer chattering away in the adjacent cubicle. Left with nothing but waiting on Haruka's side, Chelsea decided to dig into Michiru's past.

**x x x**

The trip back to Monza was like so many others she made before, yet it was nothing alike. Haruka was alone again, much like she spent most of her career life, but this time it was different. Her manager was not waiting for her on the ground, nor was he arriving any time soon. Haruka was just happy that the race was in her own turf, she could handle the press and all the other arrangements there on her own.

She missed Michiru, even though they parted less than twelve hours ago, but even more so, she worried about her. Haruka could not wait for the weekend to be over to get back to her side. She smiled wryly as she dialed the newest addition in her contacts list.

"Hey, it's me. How is she?"

After a short conversation and reassurance that nothing took turn for the worst, it just all remained the same, Haruka thanked Alan and called Michiru. She never even imagined that she would get to that place. Relying on Alan to look after Michiru.

Haruka took a cab to her house. The first thing she did as she walked in through the door was gather all the mail that spilled all over the front hall. Her parents forwarded her the mail that came to New York on a weekly basis, she counted a few of the large envelopes from them. Arranging the large heaps on her breakfast counter, Haruka sorted through the bills, letters from fans, ads, and so on. As she made her way through anything that looked semi-important, she pulled out an envelope with no return address. It was not unusual with all the fan mail she got, but this envelope did not have a post-mark or a stamp. It was in the midst of other letters her parents forwarded, so it must have been dropped off at their house.

Haruka opened it and pulled out two sheets of paper. On the first was what looked like a copy of her DMV record. The second page was typed and printed without signature. It read:

"_I know you're a woman. $100,000 before September 15th or it will be printed in the next issue of Angle."_

The bottom of the page contained an account number.

**x x x**

**Money. It sure makes us come a full circle. Well, at least for me. I lied from the get go because I already paid into the dream and then I was supposed to pay to keep it on going. I guess the only comforting feeling when I got my first blackmail letter was that it took people over six years to even do that.**

**x x x**

_As humans we always have a tendency to feel sorry for ourselves. I think at times I was a champion at that. When you sit in front of your best friend who feels like they just met you for the first time, you reassess yourself. I think for me it came at a point when I said: "Hi, I'm Michiru. Your best friend." And then I just sat there and pondered what else I had to say about myself. What was it that made me such a good friend? It's like marketing yourself out because you are afraid that if your friend ends up never remembering you, they may not like you again as much as they did when they first met you. You stop feeling sorry for yourself and start doing something to deserve their friendship anew. _


	28. CH 27

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Haruka and Michiru's characters, they belong to Naoko Takeuchi. All other characters and this story belong to me. This story is fictional. Any references to real life companies, places and events are weaved into a web of fiction and do not have any connection with reality.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**AN:** Yes, I have entered the stage where I can officially call this a series that is aired every day. Not making any sense? Agreed. Not even to me. Crazy galore!

_**ilovemichiru25: **_I agree, I don't know what's the point of money and why everyone wants it. I tried to reason that it's completely unnecessary at a toll booth one time, but the highway person did not agree with me… so I had to pull to the side and wipe out my credit card. You can have Amanda! I'd love to go for a trip in your time machine :) Tweeeet: 4feisu (*yes, I have come to the dark side, you can now follow me on Twitter o_o)

ps: yeah, I'm not that cruel to Max, some on, the woman is already suffering, now you want me to throw Michiru at her? She won't survive the heartbreak.

_**SeraEris:**_ You'll have to wait and see how Kate ties into this whole mess. She's going to drive the moral of the story through though.

_**Fusionmix: **_No magic in this fic. I can sympathize too, I mean in order to lie really convincingly, you have to convince yourself of it first before anyone else will truly believe you. So yeah, it messes up your psyche.

_**James Birdsong: **_I'm often oblivious to the obvious, but I am glad you like it.

_**Mantaray: **_Remember a chapter ago Kate and Chelsea were going through Haruka's file? They came across the picture taken a long time ago, where Haruka was kissing Michiru against her red Ferrari. It was taken in Monza. Kate and Chelsea didn't know where it was from, but Kate suggested that Chelsea checks with the DMV (Department of Motor Vehicles) to see if a red Ferrari was registered to Haruka and where. Well, Chelsea found someone at NYPD (New York Police Department) who printed out the actual record for her. It contained the information about Haruka's drivers license. She got it when she was 16 and her gender is clearly stated as female. Does that help? I tend to throw in a lot of 'between the lines' things and assume that everyone thinks the way I do… which is obviously not the case (I hope) because I'm crazy :)

_**lintolove: **_I had to throw a curve ball that made it more exciting.

_**: **_Ah, the lurking readers :) Thanks! For dropping a note, reading and having me on your fav's list.

Thanks to all of you who have me in your favorites and for all of you who read my stories.

_**Mm-Burnt-Toast-mM: **_Oh, Max is going to keep making her sarcastic remarks and/or jokes. She'll just have to build new relationships and such. Hey, the wait is over ;)

_**TheHuntress: **_Trust me, even I didn't know that I wouldn't kill her. I almost had to flip a coin. Almost. Thanks, "Glamour Life" is a sarcastic title referencing the lives of celebrities so many people are obsessed with, primarily because of the media. So it's a combination of: (1) they're regular people whose lives become their jobs (or they lose it under pressure) and (2) the media industry has a tremendous effect on many lives.

_**Tenoh and Kaioh: **_I think Max deserves to forget her traumatic past and live a happy life, no? Well, maybe she won't. I mean, I don't know, the doctors say some memories can resurface. Time shall tell :) Don't wonder, keep on reading :)

_**lucimonk: **_I love the character roller coaster (love-hate-love-hate).

_**Fate-187: **_Alan is not as easygoing as you think.

_**SHonS: **_Oh men and the women they love… or used to love… And I feel sorry for both of them here. Alan and Joe that is.

_**My Veggie Burger: **_:D Exactly! Although I did consider other types of amnesia, but that would be too cruel. I mean at least here I can have some fun :) I am not in the medical field, so if I screw up and someone notices, I'd appreciate the knowledge. Hey! Reading in lecture? What the hell? I don't want this on my conscious… Don't you know what happens when something's eating you up? You turn insane. Case in point below.

There's swearing at the end of the chapter. Otherwise loaded, but harmless.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**Chapter 27**

"_I know you're a woman. $100,000 by September 15th or it will be printed in the next issue of Angle."_

"Tsch." Haruka threw the letter on the counter and continued through the rest of her mail. It was not until five minutes later that she swiped most of it out on the floor, her heart racing a hundred miles a second. She stared at the pieces of paper scattered around her living room, then reached her cell with a shaking hand.

"_Hello?"_

"Hey, are you in town?"

"_Sorry, babe, I'm in Dubai. What's up?"_

Haruka sat down on one of the stools. "Do you have any cops you know or detectives or such?"

"_What's wrong, Haruka?"_

"Someone's blackmailing me."

"_Someone found out?"_

"Yeah."

"_Have you talked to Joe?"_

Haruka sighed. "He's kinda blackmailing me himself. It's a long story, but Joe and I aren't on good terms."

"_I'm sorry to hear that." _Came after a long silence. _"Let me see. I might have someone at the FBI who can help you. Don't let anyone touch the letter and don't do anything about it until I call you back."_

"Thanks Di."

"_Anything for you sweetie."_

**x x x**

It broke his heart to watch her rocking in the chair slowly, clutching to her robe. She did not belong among these crazy people, but she needed help and he was afraid to put her in a private clinic. The police already stopped by his house. It did not take them long to figure out that Amanda had a motive and the opportunity, considering that Max was found in their extended neighborhood. Feeling like he was under scrutiny, Joe was afraid to move Amanda anywhere.

"How has she been?" He turned to the man in his early sixties. He was tall and skinny with round glasses perched up on his pointy nose.

"We're keeping her on strictly regimented medication, but she's not showing any signs of improvement. If I knew any better, I'd say that she's still taking more than necessary, but it's impossible. Amanda has trouble distinguishing reality from fantasy and she is starting to get hallucinations. She lashed out at one of the patients yesterday, screaming for the woman to put the camera away. The patient was holding a mug."

Joe rubbed the back of his neck. "Is there anything I can do for her?"

"Just keep visiting like you have. It's good for her to see you."

Joe nodded and walked across the room, squatting in front of his fiancée. "Hi lovely. How are you?"

Amanda looked up at him in suspicion, but then her features softened and she smiled. "Hi Joe. Where have you been? I missed you."

Joe did not mention that he came the day before and spent hours with her. Instead, he kissed her on the forehead and took an available chair to sit by her side.

**x x x**

"So let me see if I get this right. You two have been married for five years, have been trying to get a divorce for a year and a half, and now that you're dating a woman, you're friends again?"

"Pretty much." Michiru smiled.

Max leaned back into her pillow, watching her two visitors in amusement. "Am I as screwed up as the two of you?"

"More." Alan chuckled. "But I'm glad to see that you still have the same sense of humor."

Max smiled. She still had no recollection of anything, even though most of her life was summarized to her by friends and family. She accepted all the facts and stored them in her mind. "What?" She asked as both Alan and Michiru stared at her hand that was tapping mindlessly on the table.

"That thing you just did with your hand, what was that?"

"I don't know… something I must've heard." She looked at her hand and put it under the sheet.

"Max, that's a song that never went public…" Michiru whispered, excitement rising in her.

"Huh." Max looked at her hand again, clearly hearing the melody in her mind. "Weird."

"Maybe we should bring the CDs… see if they help." Alan suggested.

"Good idea. Too bad we don't have any of Max's sets." Michiru said.

"Laptop."

"What?" Michiru turned to Max.

"The sets are on the laptop."

Michiru moved her chair closer. "Where's the laptop, Max?"

Max blinked back at the question, foraging her brain for information. She could not explain it. She could not remember ever using a computer, but she could clearly see a silver laptop with a music program on it. As she thought of where it was, she could see an apartment with a glass table, the laptop sitting on its top. She could also see it in a slick computer bag. She had no idea where the bag was or who used it. It was akin to knowing that she was in LA, which part of LA she was in and where LA was located in the United States. Knowing all this did not help her connect to it.

"I would guess it's either where I live on top of the table or in a laptop bag."

Michiru turned to Alan. "I brought her luggage to my hotel room, but never bothered to check for anything. Should we get it?"

"Why don't you ask Max?"

"I'm sorry." Michiru blushed and turned to Max. "Should we get it?"

Max chuckled. "You're cute when you're flustered." The smile slowly disappeared from her face as Max felt something more than the simple unknown stirring deep inside. Were they just friends?

**x x x**

Even though Haruka could drive this circuit with her eyes closed, she did not come first. Perhaps the intimate knowledge of the track was the only thing that saved her from not qualifying at all. She raced on auto pilot. Physically she was back to normal, her headaches went away, only a scar ornamenting her forehead. She just was not into it. She was worried. She was hoping that the FBI agent would return her call, which would most likely happen while she was racing. That in itself should have prompted her to go faster and get this over with, but something held her back. The same something that held her back when she quit racing years ago. Someone she loved instilled uncertainty in her. She did not want to take unnecessary risks and it was all about the risk in the end. Haruka looked at the rear exit and contemplated escaping without jumping through the regular hoops. Voice of reason stopped her from doing so.

When she finally came home, Haruka checked her voicemail first. As expected, she missed the call she was waiting for. Checking time, she made the call back to Virginia. It was still morning there.

"_Dane speaking."_

"Agent Dane, Haruka Tenoh."

"_Yes, hi, I got your voicemail. What can I do for you?"_

"I was told that you'd be able to help me with a blackmail investigation."

"_Have you tried the police first?"_

"It's a very sensitive matter."

"_It usually is with blackmail." _Haruka heard a sigh and then the voice came back on. _"Do you have any suspects?"_

Haruka thought of Kate Donovan, the reporter from Angle, but decided that it would be too obvious. She thought of Joe, but he could have made so much more, it would not make sense for him to even attempt to do this. Besides, he already held the information against her in his own interests.

"No."

"_How was the threat made?"_

"By letter. The sender requested that I deposit money by September 15th to the account number included."

"_Okay. Give me that number and then I'll give you an address to send the letter to. I'll have someone check for prints."_

They exchanged the information and Haruka continued. "Should I send the money?"

"_You still have a few days left. Let me check if we can set a trace, I'll give you a call back with further instructions. Is this the phone I can reach you at?"_

"Yes. I keep it on me at all times, unless I'm racing."

"_So you're that Tenoh."_

"I wasn't aware there are others."

"_You'd be surprised. Send the letter to me as soon as you can and I'll keep in touch." _

"Thank you."

**x x x**

The room was dark again, only the night lights in the hallway outside casted a soft glow through the door window. The voice was lowly whispering to her again. Reminding her that she tried to kill her ex-girlfriend but failed. Telling her that Max was very thorough. She would come back and take her revenge. Amanda desperately needed more of those pills to shut the voice up.

She sat upright when the door opened slowly, without a click. A shadow loomed inside her room and Amanda jumped to her feet. "Did you get it?"

"Yeah, I got it."

Amanda extended her hand in excitement. "Come on, I need it."

"Not so fast."

She felt him grab her arm and turn her around. His hands slipped under her top and groped her naked breasts. Amanda could feel his desire press against her back. He untied the string holding her pants and they fell to the ground, exposing her butt cheeks to his full view. His hands were gone and she heard a shuffling. Few seconds later he bent her down and entered her roughly from behind. Amanda bit on her lower lip, readjusting her hips as he thrust himself into her repeatedly, groping painfully one of her breasts and holding her in place with his other hand. If she cared to forget that he was an overweight balding orderly, she could even start to enjoy it. After all, this was not the first time she used her body as a mechanism to get what she wanted. In fact, that was why she had a relationship with Max. She felt like she was a virgin all over again when she was with that woman. Her body was loved like it has never been before or after by anyone else. Not even Joe. Even now, the thought of their time together turned Amanda on. She moved her hips in tune with the man behind her. It did not matter how she thought of this now. All that mattered was that after this he would give her the pills. The ones that would shut up that annoying voice.

**x x x**

The airport was full of people and the ads for the Grand Prix. She looked around while waiting for her suitcase to hit the carousel. Kate did not know why she came all the way to Monza when she could fly to LA instead. The only explanation she was able to come up with was that it did not invade anyone's privacy. She did not know if Michiru came to the race with Haruka, but she knew for sure that Haruka was there. Kate did not know what she was going to say either. She just needed some sort of punishment or forgiving. She could not just sit and blame herself anymore.

Finally spotting the suitcase, Kate grabbed it and made her way out of the airport. As she stood to the side, waiting for a taxi to become available, she noticed that she was recognizing her surroundings. She could not place the odd familiarity for a while, until a red car rolled by and it hit her. This was where the picture of Haruka and Michiru was taken. Shaking head at her dumb luck, Kate finally got in a cab and headed to her hotel.

**x x x**

The second day of the race was behind and Haruka made her way out of the circuit, completely drained. She unlocked her car and dropped the bag on the passenger seat. As she turned around, she was startled by the presence of a woman. She was a bit shorter and chubbier than Michiru. Her dark brown hair was pulled back in a ponytail, her glasses and indiscreet clothing made her look like a mouse. Or a reporter. Haruka assumed it was the latter.

"Can I help you?"

"Hi, I'm Kate Donovan, I-"

"I know who you are, Ms. Donovan." Haruka closed the door.

Kate shifted. "Can we… can we talk somewhere?"

"Right here is pretty good." Haruka crossed her arms over her chest and leaned against the car. "What do you want?"

Kate has never seen Haruka in person before and, whether Haruka was a man or a woman, the racer was quite intimidating to the brunette. She shifted again under those piercing gray eyes and looked to the pavement. "I wanted to apologize."

"Apologize?"

Kate looked up at the blonde. "Yes… For ever printing that article about the divorce."

"You're apologizing to the wrong person."

"I didn't want to intrude. I felt like this was neutral territory."

It was not neutral, but Haruka realized with relief that the reporter did not know that. "So what is it that will come out in the Monday issue? Our insensitive reaction to your apology?"

Kate assumed she knew what would come out in the Monday issue and it was certainly a lot more damaging to the person in front of her than some apology story. She was surprised that it did not come out yet. "I'm not with Angle anymore."

"Ah, moving up the career ladder?" Haruka replied sarcastically.

"No, I just… I'm sorry, this whole mess that I feel I'm responsible for… I couldn't take it anymore."

"You are responsible for it." Haruka replied firmly. "You are indirectly responsible for someone's handicap. How does it feel?"

Kate felt tears sting her eyes. "I was just doing my job."

"You chose that job. We're all paying for our career mistakes, aren't we?" Haruka walked around the car and got inside, not bothering to spare the reporter another glance.

Kate stepped away as the engine revved and then the red 2011 Ferrari 458 Italia quickly left the parking lot. Her reporter senses screamed at her that the car was not a rental, that it had local plates and that Haruka must have owned it since she was seen next to it on at least one other occasion. Kate shut those senses off, not caring that she could find out where it was Haruka lived in Italy. She was done going through someone's laundry.

**x x x**

The weekend brought no good news for Haruka. The letter did not have any fingerprints and the account was in Switzerland. She had nothing really left to do but to pay, unless she was ready to come out and confess herself. Well, that was easier said than done. Like taking a last breath before the execution. Haruka could not force herself to do it. Instead, she headed back to LA and hoped for the best.

**x x x**

"I don't know that one." Max listened to the soft strings of violin that came out of the speakers of the laptop she now knew to be hers.

"You don't. I wrote it recently." Michiru smiled.

"What do I have to do to get a private concert?"

They both turned around at the third voice in the room.

"Haruka! You're early!" Michiru's happy voice had only a hint of accusation.

"I made an earlier connection. My luggage didn't, but that's okay." She smiled and kissed her girlfriend appropriately.

Max watched them walk closer to her and then turned away. She wondered if she could blush with her complexion. She could not remember that and there was no mirror nearby. Haruka's husky voice made her turn back again.

"What, not even a hello?"

"Hi." Max replied with a slight smirk. Whatever she felt stirring for Michiru was perhaps a new thing, not an old one, she realized that now. Because there was definitely nothing going on between Max and Michiru in the past. Max and Haruka on the other hand… Max was not sure how to react to that. Like with so many objects that she could visualize lately, Max could clearly see Haruka. Naked. She looked away again, biting on her lip.

Haruka eyed her suspiciously. "Did any of your memory return?"

"No, but she can remember things, like her laptop, things around her apartment, the loft where we used to live and so on." Michiru explained as she sat down.

Haruka remained standing. "Max… Look at me."

Max turned slowly, now almost laughing.

Haruka studied her for another moment with narrow eyes. "Whatever it is you think you just remembered, I want you to transfer it to the part of your brain that doesn't work."

"Ouch, you're cruel!"

Haruka nodded. "It's Haruka, if you forgot already."

"I'm sure I won't forget now." Max cocked an eyebrow.

Haruka smiled with all her teeth. "You have my blood running in your veins. Now do you still want to go there?"

"Eww. Gross." Max turned to Michiru. "And you're in love with her? Pick me, I'm nicer… I think..."

Michiru laughed, shaking her head. "Well, at least you don't have to explain what your relationship was like." She smiled up at Haruka.

**x x x**

On Tuesday Haruka made a $100,000 transfer to the specified account. She kept in contact with agent Dane, but otherwise did not tell anyone about what was going on, Michiru included. It was a relief to see Michiru smiling again, it seemed like she was feeling better. Haruka did not want to burden her with anything else.

She was grabbing some takeout with Alan when he brought it up. "You seem like there's something on your mind."

She snickered. "A lot is on my mind."

"Okay… more is on you mind?"

She studied him closely. He had an acute sense of observation she did not know about before and it weirded her out a bit. "I lost my best friend and manager to a psychopathic fiancée, my career is hanging by a thread, and my own girlfriend is walking on thin ice with sanity."

"I don't think you have to worry about the last one anymore." He put a hand on her shoulder. "But if you ever want to talk, I'm here."

She smiled. "Thank you, I appreciate it."

He removed his hand and grabbed one of the bags. "I'm gonna swing by New York to check on the band."

Haruka nodded. "You don't have to come back here. We'll take care of her."

"I'm not sure whether you meant you and Michiru will take care of Max or Max and you will take care of Michiru, but it doesn't matter. It's nice to have some sense of normalcy back in my life."

"I can understand that. I mean I wouldn't call hanging out with your ex-wife's girlfriend normal, but hey, who am I to judge?" She chuckled as he nudged her in the ribs. "When are you leaving?"

"Closer to the weekend."

**x x x**

Chelsea was very happy with herself. Not only did she just get a hundred thousand dollars in her account, but she was on a roll. She waited for the printer to print two letters. She was not stupid, she was not going to ask for obscene amount of money right away. She was going to get what the information was worth in installments. Now that she knew that Haruka did receive mail from her parents' house, she could just send it there. It was a lot harder with Michiru. Michiru did not have an address. So Chelsea had to go with an alternative for that one, but she was still going to get her money. One way or the other.

**x x x**

The meeting on Friday was strange. She was having a pleasant conversation with Joe, talking about the plans for their wedding and honeymoon, when Joe showed up. Amanda kept looking from where her fiancé sat on a chair next to her to where his twin stood in front of her, not understanding how that was possible. She was dumbfounded until the little voice explained it to her. Max sent this other Joe, he was not real. He was there to hurt her. Like she hurt Max. As he reached out for her, Amanda screamed at the top of her lungs. She was not going to let anyone hurt her. She was not going to trust anyone, even if someone looked like Joe, she knew it was all a lie. As the impersonator stepped away from her, Amanda started laughing. She knew how to deal with this. She had the situation under control. The little voice cheered her on.

**x x x**

Joe sat in Dr. Stein's office, feeling his racing heart that wanted to jump out of the cavity. He had no idea what has just happened. Maybe Amanda looked a little odd when he entered the room, but he certainly did not expect her to scream bloody murder when he was about to give her a greeting kiss. The shock washed over him again. When he stepped away, she started laughing hysterically. Like someone he did not know. Joe himself felt like crying.

"What's happening?" He asked the doctor finally.

"I'm afraid she's turning clinically psychotic. Any kind of trauma on top of her severe depression could have triggered this, but if you add her recent addiction to the equation… I'm sorry, Joe."

Joe just stared straight ahead, not wanting to hear what the doctor was saying.

"I changed her medication to antipsychotic, hopefully she will start showing improvement soon."

**x x x**

Alan unlocked the door to the loft and flipped on the lights. No one seemed to be there. Sighing, he took his suitcase to his room and checked the mail that was piled up on the dining table. Among the scattered piles he came across a check. Alan looked up as the door opened and Mark came into view through the kitchen.

"Oh, hey, you're back."

"You're borrowing money from your parents?" Alan waved the check in the air.

"What the hell? That's mine!"

"Then you shouldn't leave it laying around." Alan reprimanded. "Mark, why are you borrowing money from your parents?"

"It's none of your business, okay?"

Alan let go of the check before it was ripped out of his hand. "How low are you?"

Mark turned around stubbornly and headed for his room. Alan followed him. "Mark, shit, we made over a hundred grand a piece just in royalties last year, what the hell did you do with all that money?" He grabbed Mark by the arm, making him stop.

"It's none of your god damn business, Alan!"

"Like hell it isn't!" Alan yelled. He twisted Mark's arm to look at the veins. "What are you on, Mark?"

Mark ripped his clean arm out of Alan's grip. "Stick to your own troubles, Alan. This doesn't concern you."

With a slam of the door Mark was locked in his room. Alan muttered under his breath as he walked back to the dining room. He separated his mail and went methodically through it, until he came to an envelope with no return address. Alan read through the contents, then got up and walked to the kitchen. He pulled out a bottle of Scotch and topped a glass. He has not had a drink since Max got in that accident, he was almost out of the long pattern of abuse. He was proud of himself for the past few days. Now he did not care about it. He emptied the glass and threw it at the wall. As it fell down in shards, Mark came back out.

"What the fuck are you doing?"

Alan turned to him. "That is none of _your _fucking business!"

**x x x**

Haruka walked the familiar hallways of the hospital, carrying Max's dinner. The hospital food was as awful as everywhere and they made it a point to bring her something from the outside world every day. She knocked softly on the open door and entered the room. Max looked up at her from the laptop.

"Hey, how's Michiru?"

"She's better. She still has a bit of a fever."

Max Handed Haruka the laptop. "It's weird… for you to be here without her."

Haruka chuckled and set the food in front of Max, taking a seat in the nearby chair. "Where are your parents?"

"I sent them to the hotel. They need a break. I'd really like to get out of here so that everyone would stop babysitting me."

Haruka handed Max the plastic utensils and leaned back in her chair. "It's not a bad thing to have people that care for you."

"No, it's a great thing… I just feel guilty. For keeping everyone here." Max watched Haruka nod in understanding. Taking a deep breath she asked something she has been thinking for a while. "So… I'm gay, right?"

Haruka cocked her head to the side. "Why do you ask?"

"Trying to fill in the gaps that no one has told me about."

"Why are you asking me?"

Max looked at her for a long moment before answering. "Because I don't feel comfortable asking Michiru, but I feel like I can ask you."

Haruka nodded in acceptance. "Yes, you are a lesbian."

"What… what happened between you and I?"

Haruka looked across her shoulder to make sure that no one was standing in the doorway. "Why do you think that anything has happened?"

"Because I can clearly see you naked, but I don't know the context."

Haruka whistled lowly. "Way to make someone uncomfortable." She searched for words as Max ate. "It was just a one-night-stand. You were playing a set in Monaco… I was there with a friend. It was my birthday, I was drunk… you were drunk… we had sex and went our separate ways. Sorry, there is no fairy tale story to it." Haruka looked up at the musician. "What?"

"I just… Are you my type? Because I don't think I'm your type… and I'm not sure you're mine." Max looked down at her food, suddenly feeling uncomfortable.

Haruka laughed out loud. "No, Michiru is our type." When she was able to control her glee, she continued. "I was wearing a very short, very revealing dress. The friend I mentioned before is my stylist. She put makeup on me and did my hair. You wouldn't recognize me… actually you didn't recognize me. That was the point." Haruka reflected on the past. "Did I mention we were both drunk?"

Max smiled, nodding. "How was it?"

Haruka's eyes grew round. "I am not telling you anything more about that night missy! You get your own recollection of it. I'm keeping mine to myself."

Max laughed at a sight she has not seen before - Haruka was blushing. It was strange to take such a pleasure from someone's discomfort, but Max somehow did not feel bad. Growing serious again, she reached out and took Haruka's hand. "Thank you. For everything that you've done for me."

Haruka squeezed her hand back. "Life is a lot more fun with you in it."

**x x x**

The rapid knocks on the door woke her up. Michiru looked at the digital clock and noted that it was just past eight. Haruka promised to be back by eight, perhaps she forgot the keycard. She turned the bedside lamp on and got up, wrapping a hotel robe around herself. Making her way across the room, she reached the door and unlocked it, squirming at the bright light of the hallway.

"Alan? What are you doing back so fast?" She stepped away to let him in. Alan pushed the door closed and walked inside the room.

"Tell me this isn't true!" He pulled folded papers from the inside pocket of his jacket and extended them to her.

Michiru took the papers and turned on more lights. There were three sheets altogether, but reading the first one was enough. Michiru set the papers down on the little table and walked back to the bed, feeling her headache elevate, but not because of the fever.

Alan caught her by the arm. "Please tell me that's forged!"

She stared in his blue eyes that shined just a little as they reflected the light. She knew he was drunk, but she really couldn't blame him for it. "It's not."

A low growl escaped his throat as he thrust her into the wall behind her, reaching for her throat with his free hand. "How could you, Michiru? How could you do that? How could you not tell me? Not even ask me?"

She started coughing, using both of her hands to pull his death grip off of her neck. Alan seemed to notice none of it. As his voice kept rising, tears started running down his cheeks. "How could you make that decision by yourself?"

"Jesus Christ, what are you doing?"

He felt Haruka grab at his arm as she ran up to them from the door. He turned around and threw her to the floor. "I like you, Haruka. But by God don't get in my way! This is between me and my wife."

"Ex-wife!" Haruka corrected. She stared at him from the floor, getting back to her feet. Alan's hand came back to Michiru's throat."Let go of her!"

He turned to face her again, nothing but rage in his face. "I swear, I've never consciously hit a woman before, but I am this close to doing it now and if you get in my way, I will hit you."

"Then hit me, what the hell do you want with her?" Haruka stood right in front of him.

"You didn't abort my child!" He turned to Michiru's tear-stricken face. "She did."

**x x x**

**Did I mention that past should stay in the past? I feel like a broken record saying it over and over again, but it doesn't change. I mean what is the point? Can you change anything that happened? No. Does it do you any good to ponder on it now? No. So why bother?**

**x x x**

_If I were to list all the things I wish I could take back… at one point I would've recounted most of the things I did in my life. I used to feel like I could trace it back and say: "If I took a right at that corner, I would've never ended up here." In time I realized it was pointless. What's done is done. Whether you are proud of what you did, regret it or feel any other way about it. The only thing you can change now is the way you feel about it, you can't change what you did._


	29. CH 28

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Haruka and Michiru's characters, they belong to Naoko Takeuchi. All other characters and this story belong to me. This story is fictional. Any references to real life companies, places and events are weaved into a web of fiction and do not have any connection with reality.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**AN:** Life goes on and so does the story. I think I'm back to more of a weekly update schedule. You know, job searching and all. Stay tuned and thanks for all your reviews!

_**petiyaka: **_You know what the best part of building a sand castle on the beach is? Stomping on it when you're done. So I spent a lot of time building this story and I am almost done destroying my characters' lives :) About the scene where Max wakes up - thanks! It means a lot coming from you ;)

_**Fate-187: **_I sympathize with Alan too. It would be all better for him if he never found out under the circumstances. Now Haruka and Michiru have to get through it.

_**SeraEris:**_ Sam… he's around… you know, his job is to be in the shadows and save the day. I find it weird to write him into the banal scenes. So let's just pretend he's in a hotel room next to theirs, trailing Michiru when she goes to the hospital and back. Just go along with it :) So I noticed this weird trend… apparently I've been creating male OCs that resemble the senshi… you know, Sora/Michiru, Alan/Setsuna ;) Or so you guys say. Now whether Alan will say anything about Haruka… you'll just have to wait and see.

_**Mm-Burnt-Toast-mM: **_Every strong relationship has its little moments, right? What am I talking about? Read on. Sorry, putting the AN before the chapter sometimes works against me. Hmm, I kinda have plans for Amanda. She's just in too good of a place to let her go :)

_**Mantaray: **_Yeah, OCs were lining up for this story, but I think there are enough of them as it is, so I cancelled the audition :) Kate… yes, she will.

_**ilovemichiru25: **_:) I got my first follower on twitter… for all the updates and rantings. It's a good place to ask questions too, not in reviews to other stories… (I know most of you have no idea what I'm talking about… but some of you may). Anywho, hey, losing your memory doesn't mean you lose your sense of humor. I mean unless there's a trauma to front lobe which is when your personality changes. I wasn't that cruel :D Lemme know when you're going back in time. I'll make a grocery list of things that need to be changed ;) Someone will die! I mean someone must at this point. I have drug addicts, accident victims, crazy people… bodyguards. I'll find someone to kill (*xe xe xe). I'm trying to finish it, I promise. A few more chappies and we'll move on to other stuff.

_**TheHuntress: **_I'm not using a shock gun, I'm using a kalashnikov to shoot all the shocks out :) I'm about to run out of ammunition. It's been going long enough. Time to wind up the business. Oh, I'm going to get out of the Max trap right here in this chapter… and set some new traps for myself. Oh, where is my muse that sits in my lap and helps me come up with this stuff? I might need one to get through the end of this story.

_**Rukangel: **_Hey, I was just thinking about you the other day! Where did you disappear to? Is it because of PR? Come on, you're in Florida, we can set those differences aside! :D Kidding. It is nice to see you back though. Yes, I know, I get my stories to the point of being a virus. You want to get rid of it as soon as you can, but it's just not going anywhere and only gets worse. Here's some more drama for you.

_**Nanicas: **_Agreed. I never said Michiru was right about what she did, but we're back to that in this chapter, so she'll explain herself, Haruka's reaction is there, and Alan's you already know.

_**lostinhersong: **_Jce and I have to agree on time that works for Jerry to bring all of our characters up… that will be an episode of a lifetime!

_**Tenoh and Kaioh: **_Oh I'm sorry to inconvenience you with daily updates… is this better? :P What if all of your 'what ifs' happen? Nah, they wont. Well, some of them won't. Kleenex?

_**lintolove: **_Thanks! I'm really having fun with Amanda. I think the muse may have turned a bit sadistic, cuz it sure aint me. (*blinks innocently)

_**My Veggie Burger: **_Chelsea wanted to blackmail Michiru, but Michiru has no address, so she went to the second possible source. The almost father to be. Amanda's going to get a bit better. I mean without the sex and the additional drugs she's been getting. You think that the recorded lectures are a good news? You know what the really good news really is? Once I upload the new chapter it's not going anywhere! IAAU2 is not on hold. It's been moving faster than this. For some reason…

_**imjce: **_Thank you for your love letter. Sorry to break it to you, but I'm not an energizer bunny… I don't hump like that. Now making you gag is a first. I was wondering what it'd take, I guess now I know. I'd love to watch those videos in your head, just make sure they're not like the last few chapters of your fic, cuz that made me gag… well, not really, but it made me grimace in displeasure :| hey, I thought the milk in Canada didn't have hormones? Is it a lie? Cuz I literally drive across the border to buy it… am I gonna age that soon too? Because then I'll get dementia and will be unable to finish this story… Kate… did your ex put a sex video of the two of you on youtube? Cuz (1) it would sound like Kate's twin, (2) it would explain your addiction to sex tapes in fiction and (3) you should send me the link. Now outsourcing… cracked me up, thanks! I can totally imagine it… you get a call from a 1-800 number and it's someone who sounds like every bank representative that calls you when you don't pay your card… only they offer phone sex. I'm sure there's a number for that… and no thank you, I'm okay not knowing it. Our views on why F.F exists are in tune… I mean read our profiles… and we didn't even know each other then yet (not that we do now, we just ride the same wavelength). So thank you for taking some time to spend on this love letter to me and detaching yourself from reality… and if you ever need to do so consciously, let me know. COOKIES, MUSHROOMS (the hallucinogenic ones) + SPINACH and a smile.

_**Fusionmix: **_The past always haunts us (*Boo)

Language… you know, I had to. Otherwise painful but PG13 :)

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**Chapter 28**

"Then hit me, what the hell do you want with her?" Haruka stood right in front of him.

"You didn't abort my child!" Alan turned to Michiru's tear-stricken face. "She did." He let go of her throat, feeling Haruka's strong grip on his arm. "Give me a fucking answer! Why did you do it?"

Haruka let go of Alan's arm that now simply hang by his side and looked at Michiru. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she stared in space unseeingly. After another moment that seemed to last forever, Michiru's mouth moved.

"Because it was either that or my career." Her head snapped sideways from the hard slap Alan's open palm delivered.

"You killed my baby because of your fucking career?" Alan's voice turned almost into a whisper. "Michiru, I would've quit the band if it came to that! You had no right to make that decision on your own!" He took a step back. "What is it about your fucking career that matters more than someone who loves you and your own child?"

Michiru just kept on standing, holding to her burning cheek. Coming out of Alan's mouth, the suggestion seemed ridiculous, but years ago it all made sense.

"That's why you walked away from our marriage too, isn't it? Your career is the only thing you care about. I can't believe I kept holding on to you."

"It's not like that!" Michiru finally forced out.

"Really? I clearly remember offering to work on our relationship, to take a break and figure things out. Do you remember what you told me?" He watched her tighten her lips again. "You told me our careers couldn't afford it!"

Michiru looked down to the floor, her body shaking slightly from the sobs.

"You know, you two are really worth each other. One lies about her gender in the name of her career, the other doesn't give a shit what she has to do to get what she wants. Well, you know what, fuck you both. I hope you have a long, miserable life together." He turned around and left the room, slamming the door in his wake.

Michiru slid down to the floor and hid her face in her forearms supported by the knees. The silence and the tension left in the room after Alan left was killing her. She raised her head and looked at Haruka, who still stood in the middle of the room.

"Will you say something?"

Haruka looked down on her. "What do you want me to say, Michiru?"

"Something. Anything."

Haruka took a few steps forward and extended her hand. "Come on, get in bed, I don't want you to get even sicker."

Michiru hiccuped as she stood up, Haruka helping her to the bed. She did not take her hand out of Michiru's, but she also maintained her distance. Michiru felt another onslaught of tears coming. She climbed into bed and Haruka covered her with the blanket. As Michiru readjusted it, she heard the door to the bathroom close. Michiru pulled the blanket over her head and cried into the pillow.

**x x x**

Haruka needed a moment alone. She could understand Alan's reaction. She would certainly not want Michiru to make a decision like that by herself, not that Haruka was in any danger of ever being in Alan's shoes. She leaned into the counter, supporting herself with outstretched arms and looking at her reflection. The more she thought about it, the less she could agree with someone choosing a career over their child. The two did not even come close. The more that thought process kept evolving, the more she started feeling like a hypocrite. Alan's harsh words hit home for her. Both her and Michiru did put their careers first. For the first time the notion made Haruka gag. She washed her face with cold water and returned to the room.

Haruka could see Michiru's frame shake under the blanket. She sighed and moved the pillow away, taking a seat against the headboard. She put her arm over the blanketed violinist and slowly uncovered her head.

"Michi… there's no point in crying about it now." Not getting any reaction, Haruka leaned down and kissed Michiru's tangled hair. "Honey, it's okay. What's done is done. There's nothing you can do about it now."

Michiru turned enough to hide her face in Haruka's lap. She hugged her hips with her left arm and kept crying. Haruka sighed and stroked Michiru's back, calming her down. Some time later the tears stopped and Michiru's body only shook with the subsiding sobs every once in a while. Haruka did not stop what she was doing, did not say a word. She finally heard a whisper. She had to really concentrate to understand what Michiru was saying, until her voice gained some strength.

"It was a year after I graduated. I was halfway through recording my first album, I was supposed to go on my first official tour… I was behind on schedule and I felt like I was incapable of doing just that… I knew that if I decided to keep the baby, I'd become a housewife. There was no way that I'd be able to juggle my packed career and being a mother. More importantly, I knew I'd never put my career first again if I had a baby. I wouldn't care for it anymore. Haruka, I was twenty-three years old. I haven't lived yet. I worked hard for my dream and I wanted to achieve it. I thought I could have another baby after I reached my goal… I hated myself for what I did. If it wasn't for Max, I would've never came out of that period of my life the same person. She kept me sane. I thought it would all go back to normal after I had the abortion, but it never did. I couldn't look Alan in the eyes. I couldn't have sex with him, I couldn't even talk openly with him anymore. I busied myself beyond reason. In the end, it didn't change me as much as it changed our relationship. Almost a year later I just gave up. That's when I filed for divorce."

"Did you have to pick an Irish guy to do that to?" Haruka mused out loud. She turned to the pained blues. "In all seriousness, though, you were wrong about not telling him. I'd never want you to hide something from me and make your own choice. It's not right."

"I knew what he'd say. I knew he'd convince me to have the baby. I wouldn't be strong enough to object if he knew, Haruka. If I was to have a choice, it had to be mine, not ours."

"It wasn't just your baby."

"But it was just my body. Even if he quit the band like he claimed just now, I was the one who would've had to cancel the tour while I was carrying it and then caring for it in the beginning. Besides, he wouldn't be happy in the end without his career. It was doomed."

"You think he's happy now? With his career, without his wife and knowing that he could've had a toddler by now?"

Michiru hid her face back in Haruka's lap. "I'm sorry."

Haruka closed her eyes. "It's not me you should be apologizing to."

**x x x**

The soft glow of the table lamp illuminated the pages in her hands. She read through the medical report, it was obvious to her that someone from the OBGYN's office sold it. What startled her more was the actual letter. It read:

"_What is another scandal worth to you? $100,000 within two weeks."_

The account number at the bottom of the page was the same. Haruka folded the papers, gave her sleeping girlfriend a quick look and turned off the lamp. She made her way out of the suite and dialed agent Dane's number.

**x x x**

She stared up at the ceiling. It was dark in the room, but she could see the reflection of the lights outside above her head. Darkness did not scare her. The whispers, on the other hand, they just would not go away. It all started with that first one. Now there were more. They argued and she just could not take it anymore. Amanda sat up and placed her hands over her ears. The voices stopped for a moment, as though startled, but then they came back, louder, whispering faster. Amanda cried out, tapping her ears with the palms of her hands. Nothing seemed to work. Turning to her side, Amanda swung and hit her head against the concrete wall. She felt a little dizzy, and the voices stopped for another moment. Amanda smiled and bashed her head into the wall repeatedly. The darkness that followed finally brought the silence.

**x x x**

The bar was loud and crowded. There was a game on the large television screens, the customers tried to talk over the sound of the game, and the bartenders tried to talk over the customers. He sat at the very end, watching other people have fun and nursing his seventh drink. There were a few guys by the bar he really did not like. They were full of themselves and they were making crude jokes about the women that passed them. Alan was wondering how many drinks it would take him to walk up to them and smash their faces into the counter. He turned his head sideways as someone took the empty stool next to him and sat down.

"I should've guessed you'd dig out a pub in LA. It would've saved me a lot of time."

He watched her from underneath his eyelashes, then emptied his drink and got up. Alan threw a hundred dollar bill on the counter and turned to leave.

"Alan."

He felt her put a hand on his shoulder and turned around, slapping it away. "Leave me alone."

"Alan, you're drunk. Let me take you back to your hotel."

"Get the fuck away from me."

Haruka watched him sway a little as he stumbled out of the door. She followed. "Alan, you need to sleep it off."

He turned to her when he was out on the street. "And you need to stop telling me what to do!"

Haruka passed some people in the doorway as she followed his retreating figure again. "Alan, I'm not telling you what to do, I just want to make sure you don't do anything stupid."

He turned around, slapping her arm away again, this time with more force. "Get a fucking clue, Haruka! I don't want any advice from you of all people! Go fuck my fucking bitch of a wife, at least she won't do this to you, since-"

Before Alan's drunken mind allowed him to blurt out something Haruka did not want to become public knowledge, she punched him in the jaw, making him stumble backwards until he tripped over uneven sidewalk. She jumped out on the street and hailed a cab. After opening the back door, she came up to the man who was scrambling back to his feet.

"Get in the fucking car, Alan, or I swear, I'll beat you unconscious and then shove you there."

He spat out blood and got in the car, closing the door behind him in her face. As the cab pulled away, Haruka just shook her head in frustration. The flashes finally penetrated her consciousness and she looked at a group of people who held on to their phones.

"Oh this is just fucking great." She walked down the block, feeling the unreleased energy build up.

**x x x**

As she walked further and further away from the pub, it occurred to Haruka that Alan may well take advantage of his knowledge and tell someone about her gender, just to screw with them. Alternatively, he could do that because he was not really controlling himself. She considered searching for him again, but figured that it would be just silly. She could not babysit the man. She was feeling shittier by the minute and found herself in an interesting position. She did not really have anyone at the moment to share her misery with. She lost her best friend, Dido was somewhere with no cell reception and she did not want to overwhelm Michiru. She also did not really want to talk to Michiru right now. She successfully avoided turning this newfound knowledge into a fight, but that still did not mean she was peachy with the situation. In fact, she was still quite upset about it.

Haruka's musings continued all the way, until her feet brought her back to the hospital. She stood outside of its doors and wondered what she was doing there. Finding no apparent reason to be anywhere else, Haruka made her way past the familiar guard. It was well past the visiting hours, but after three weeks of daily visits she knew all the guards and most nurses. No one seemed to mind that she was there. Haruka made her way up to Max's room and found her sleeping peacefully. Even though she has been awake for over a week, Max still did not look much better than she did when she was in a coma. Only her skin gained some color and the lacerations on her face healed. Haruka sat down in the chair she occupied some hours ago. Watching her close like that, Haruka noticed how Max's eyelids twitched a little. As though her eyes were moving below them. It was certainly not neurological because Haruka has never noticed it before, it seemed more like Max was dreaming about something, and that something did not seem very pleasant. Haruka watched Max, thinking of everything that has happened. She did not even notice how she fell asleep.

They both woke up when the residents made their early rounds. After the short ten-minute interaction they were left alone again. Max studied Haruka from her sitting position in the bed. "What's wrong?"

"Why do you think anything is wrong?" Haruka put her feet up on Max's bed and slid a little down in the chair.

Max looked pointedly at her without any humor. "It's five in the morning. You should be in bed with your girlfriend. What's up?"

"It's nothing to worry about, Max. Go back to sleep."

Max lowered the bed down and turned her head to study Haruka more. Her eyes were closed, her posture relaxed, but Max knew she was not sleeping. She was not a stranger anymore either. Laying in bed with nothing to do but sleep, Max occupied herself by studying people. Learning them anew. Whoever they were to her before the accident did not matter, she did not nurse much hope of remembering everything, so she spent her time building new relationships. She finally let out a sigh.

"You don't share much, do you?" She watched Haruka's eyes flutter open. "You don't unburden yourself. It's a heavy load to carry."

"You can't always just put it on someone else." Haruka responded quietly.

"It's not so much that you can't, it's that you won't."

"Who made you an expert?" Haruka regretted letting the irritation take over her as soon as the snide comeback was out.

Max seemed to be a bit more forgiving. "I'm not pretending to be one… but the more you crack under the pressure, the more you lose your front. It's like every time you come here there's something else weighing you down. How long do you think you'll last?"

Haruka blinked. Max's words were making her feel miserable, sorry for herself. Something she did not allow herself to do. She did not allow herself to feel that way for all the reasons Max just mentioned. She knew she would not be able to handle it.

"Haruka, come here."

Haruka snapped out of her trance and saw Max pat the side of her bed. She stared at it in uncertainty.

"Haruka, I can't walk over there, you have to come to me."

Setting her thoughts aside, Haruka got up and walked to the bed, laying down on her side, her face against Max's shoulder. The texture of the hospital gown, the smell of medicine mixed in with a human scent, the gentle caress she felt on her head, it was all too much. It brought her sister back. Haruka felt large tears finally roll down her cheeks as she brought the hands to her chest and set them under her chin, curling her legs. If she could curl into a ball she would, but there just was not enough space on Max's bed and she did not want to be a nuisance.

Max kissed the top of the blonde head and continued caressing its back. "I may not remember what I did last summer, I may not remember anything… and I don't know what relationship we used to have… but I don't have any allegiances now… and I know that I like you. As a person. Just like I like Michiru. So if you can use a friend, I can use one too."

Haruka smiled through her tears, snuggling closer. After another few minutes of silence she started talking. About everything. Everything she has been bottling up. She just lost her best friend. In the days to follow she gained a relationship with Alan, but lost it as fast as it came. Haruka also learned that being happy with someone you loved meant that sometimes you needed to vent on the side. She just found her side and it made her happy.

**x x x**

Beads of sweat rolled down her forehead as she twisted in the bed, throwing the sheets off. No matter how she turned, she could not find a comfortable position. Without opening her eyes she searched for that familiar body she was longing for, but nothing other than more sheets met her touch. Her lids felt heavy and it hurt to force them open, but she did. Michiru sat up slowly, searching the room for the sight of Haruka. The door to the bathroom was open, the other side of the bed did not look slept in. Michiru looked at the clock, it was just past eight. She felt like she had a deja vu, until she realized that she actually did wake up at eight the night before. The events of past night flooded her memory and worry crept into her system. Haruka must have left after Michiru fell asleep and she never came back.

Michiru grabbed her phone from the nightstand and dialed Haruka's number. The voicemail picked up right away. Michiru sighed and moved the sheets aside, standing up carefully. She grabbed a handful of Tylenol and washed it down with water. Fifteen minutes of painful getting ready later, Michiru hailed a cab and headed for the hospital.

**x x x**

She stood against the door frame, watching the sight in front of her in silence. Michiru quite never felt this way before. She knew the name of the feeling and she was not denying to herself having it, it was the intensity and the context that made her stop and just think. She has been married to Alan for six years. Five out of those six years were spent in an actual loving relationship. Through more than half of that time Alan was surrounded by fans and beautiful women in general. Never once has Michiru felt as jealous as she did now that she watched Haruka sleep peacefully cuddled up to her sick sleeping best friend.

Max's right arm was wrapped around Haruka's shoulders, as the latter fully leaned into the side of Max's body with her own. It was an odd sight. To Michiru, Max and Haruka had a lot in common. Their personalities were similar, they both cared for her and she cared for them. The most significant difference between the two for Michiru was that she had a physical attraction to one and not the other. Now that one was sleeping with the other, it made Michiru feel jealous beyond any reason. Michiru pushed the door open wider, making it creek ever so piercingly in the quiet of the morning. The sound woke up both women.

As Haruka opened her eyes, she had to blink to make sure that she was awake. Her face was pressed into a hospital gown, the soft flesh her nose was indented into was none other than a breast. She almost jerked back, but timely remembered that the action would land her flat on the hard hospital floor. Instead, she sat upright and stared down at Max, whose laughing eyes only pissed her off. As soft chuckles filled the room, Haruka stood up from the bed, brushing her wrinkled shirt back into its position, and that was when she noticed her. Haruka's hands froze as she stared at Michiru, whose unreadable expression did not look promising. Searching for words was not even an issue as something made out of Haruka's mouth.

"Michiru, you can't be here, you're going to make Max sicker."

As soon as the words were out of her mouth, Michiru turned around with a small "Hmph" and left the room, the door creaking in her wake. Startled by her own stupidity and brushing the last remnants of sleep away, Haruka turned to look at Max.

The latter raised a brow. "You should probably follow her. She didn't look too healthy."

"You think I don't know that?" Haruka snapped back.

"Yet you're still here."

Haruka gave Max another scowl before she finally put her feet in motion. An hour of sleep after unloading everything off of your chest would drain anyone. Add to that everything that happened the night before and even Haruka Tenoh could be a bit slow.

**x x x**

The nine o'clock round was usually made to change the sheets while patients were out to breakfast. She was not supposed to work today, she initially intended to go to the beach with her son, but then someone asked her to switch. Extra money did not hurt anyone, so she agreed. Pondering how she would make it up to her disappointed nine-year-old, she pushed the door open with her hip, pulling the cart behind her. As she flipped the overhead lights on, her eyes widened at the bloody sight on the bed. Dark streaks dried on the wall as they ran down, just below the cracked surface. The white sheets where stained in a brighter shade, especially those closer to the blonde head that rested on them. Clumped strands of long hair only emphasized the spot where the hair was still wet with the liquid. Afraid to so much as touch her, she pushed the cart out of the room and ran to find someone else.

**x x x**

As the morning sun made her blink vigorously out on the street, Haruka realized that Michiru must have taken a taxi back to the hotel. Putting herself in motion, she ran the few blocks and barged into the room that was empty. Haruka stood by the door, breathing heavily from her mad dash, and trying to make sense of it. She heard the door open across the hall and Sam appeared, checking out the noise.

"Where is Michiru?" Haruka asked, her breathing almost back to normal.

"I thought she was still asleep." Sam for once did not look confident.

"Well, she already made it to the hospital and is somewhere on her way back. You miss something like this again and you'll be looking for another client." Haruka unburdened some of her frustration and shut the door from the inside, leaving the bodyguard standing in the hallway. She pulled out her phone and swore when she realized that the battery was dead. Plugging it in, Haruka waited impatiently for the device to turn back on. Two long minutes later she checked her missed calls and swore again, seeing how she repeatedly failed to answer those from Michiru. She checked her voicemail.

"_Haruka, agent Dane. Listen, after you called, I thought of something. Check with your parents to see if they got another letter. It sounds to me like you may have someone who's really into this stuff. I wouldn't be surprised if you got another demand. If so, send it straight to me."_

Haruka made a mental note to call her parents and deleted the message.

"_Listen, I'm sorry… I get what you're trying to do and I appreciate you caring, but I really need space right now. Don't worry, I'll keep my mouth shut. There's enough shit floating as it is. Just stay away from me… bye."_

Haruka's finger lingered over the numbered keys, until she pressed the one to save the message. Whether Alan's reassurance was genuine or not, she needed to hear it. She had a feeling she would want to hear it again next time she had the itch to go looking for him. The sound of the keycard sliding in and out outside the door made her set the phone down and walk to the door. They stood opposite each other at the small entrance way, the silence stretching into an uncomfortable one.

Michiru finally let go of the door and walked past Haruka, dropping the newspaper she was holding on the table. The picture of Haruka standing over Alan on the sidewalk was on the front page. Unsteadily, Michiru made her way to the bed and sat down.

"What you saw… It's not what you think it is." Haruka started.

Michiru laid down on her back and stared at the ceiling. The surface was moving gently, warping from one side of the room to the other. The last thing she wanted to do was have a fight, but Michiru knew that she could not just let it go. Not with the way she felt about it back at the hospital. "You know, even if I could possibly explain why you slept with Max instead of spending the night here, the first words out of your mouth expressed concern for her and not me."

Haruka walked up to the bed and took a seat next to Michiru. "I'm sorry, I know it was stupid, but with the way you've been worried about her… I guess it was the first thing my mind made a connection with… being at the hospital and all."

"Do you like her?"

"Excuse me?" Haruka stared intently at her girlfriend who was still looking up at the ceiling.

"It's a simple question, Haruka."

"It's never a simple question. What's worse, I cannot believe you just asked it." Haruka rubbed her face. "Michiru, you have no reason whatsoever to be jealous of us, it's just ridiculous. Like Alan insinuating that you and Max had something."

"No, there is a difference. You and Max actually did have something."

"It was a fucking one-night-stand!" Haruka blew up. "Will I have to pay for what I did before I met you for the rest of my life? Come on, I don't blame you for the decisions you made before we met, even if I don't agree with them. Don't I deserve at least the same consideration?"

Michiru finally turned to face Haruka. "There is a difference. My past doesn't affect my present."

"And mine does?" Haruka stood up, barely able to control the irritation that was building up inside. "Michiru, I want to put this behind once and for all, because if you can't then you can't have both Max and I in your life." She stared down at the violinist, her face set with determination. "Max doesn't remember shit. All she knows about what happened is from what I've told her and that isn't much. What she doesn't remember is the conversation we had that night, in between having sex. You know what it was about? Of course you don't you weren't there. Want to venture a guess? Fine, I'll tell you. It was about you!"

Haruka watched as Michiru's eyes widened and wondered if she would regret bringing this up. She decided, though, that she really did want to put that incident behind and the only way she found to do so was by opening up completely about it. Leaving nothing for Michiru to ponder on.

"You keep thinking about something that happened years ago, a year after Amanda and Max broke up. We hooked up on my birthday when Max was playing a set. We were both drunk, we went up to my room and had mind blowing sex. Yes, it was good, yes it was different because we are so alike, it was like a fucking competition and it was great." Haruka took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down and lower her voice. "Then we lay in bed, still under the influence of alcohol, no sleep coming, and physically exhausted. We talked. You know how it's always easier to talk to a stranger? Well, she talked. She told me about the woman she loved who broke her heart… and then she told me about the other woman she loved, who she wasn't willing to lose like she did the first. Didn't you ever wonder why Max never had relationships after Amanda? It wasn't just because of her. It was because of you. She loved you, don't you know that? Couldn't you see her pain every time she saw us together? Or were you too blinded by the sarcasm?" Haruka wiped the tears that streamed down her cheeks. "Now knowing this, how can you be jealous of me and her?"

Michiru wiped her own tears and turned back to the ceiling. "I just… I don't know, Haruka. I know it doesn't make sense, but you can't tell your heart how to feel, can you?"

"Does your heart want to pick between your girlfriend and your best friend? Because that's where this is going."

Michiru's head snapped back to the side to stare in Haruka's face. There was not a trace of sarcasm in her voice, not a trace of uncertainty in her features. Michiru licked her suddenly dry lips as Haruka continued.

"Max and I came to terms with the past, we came to terms with loving you and having a relationship void of any animosity. If there is one good thing about Max not remembering the past, it's that she's free. She's no longer in the limbo of unrequited love. We can actually be friends. Can you live with that, or does everything always have to be about you?"

The words stung more than the slap Alan delivered the night before. Michiru sat up slowly, fighting lightheadedness. "I've always wanted the two of you to be friends, because I love you both… and I wouldn't want to lose either of you… I'm sorry, I know Max… used to have feelings for me, but I brought it up with her more than once… and every time she assured me that it was nothing beyond platonic…"

Haruka did not know how she would behave if she was in Max's position, but she sure was happy that Max never made the move. She was not sure she would have a chance to be with Michiru otherwise. "So can you put this all behind and start anew or does someone have to get hurt?"

Michiru stood up, taking four steps to reach her girlfriend's stiff figure. "I really hate to hurt people. Don't you know that? I'm sorry that I overreacted… I love you, Haruka. I just don't want to lose or share you… I'm sure you know how that feels. Please forgive me."

Haruka's eyes softened as she leaned down and caught Michiru's lips with her own. She felt the smaller woman pull away immediately.

"Haruka, I'm sick, you shouldn't -"

Another kiss interrupted her little speech. "I don't give a shit." Haruka picked her up with ease and brought Michiru back to the bed, laying her carefully down. Breaking the kiss, Haruka put a hand against Michiru's forehead. "I'll get you something. You're burning up."

Michiru smiled weakly. "Can you put on a nurse outfit since you're playing one?"

**x x x**

The small window almost felt like a peephole. He stared through it, his insides overturned since he got that call, more so now that he watched her lay on the padded floor, her arms tied around her body by the long sleeves. Her head was wrapped in gauze, but he could still see a few strands marked by blood. Joe could not believe it was the same woman. The same woman that laughed and cried at the same time when he got to one knee. The one who was always so gentle and sensitive to him. Who always reasoned everything out, never made any rash decisions. He wondered if everything would have been different if he did not travel so much. He wondered if he could have seen the early signs of her psychosis. A large tear made its way down the side of his face, dropping to the scraped concrete floor. In a matter of a month, Joe's world came crashing down.

**x x x**

The next month felt like the life continued, yet it was in a slower mode. Like someone hit the pause button, but everything kept on moving, albeit at a different pace. Everything they did was prefaced with careful consideration. Both Michiru and Haruka made an effort to leave the past in the past, gladly accepting Max's proposition to build new relationships.

To Max's relief her casts were removed and replaced with braces. She was ecstatic to be able to scratch her itching flesh and start moving her left arm again. Her leg was also healing nicely, just a little slower than her organs. All in all, by the middle of October she felt like she wanted to be out of the bed, moving around. Her orthopedist shared her enthusiasm, since he wanted her to start physical therapy for her hip as soon as possible. The only hitch was that Max was still on dialysis. She almost did a little dance when her treating physician announced that the kidney transplant would be scheduled for October 20th.

Haruka was certainly happy that her friend was getting better, but she was a bit upset that she would end up missing three races at the end of the season. That little regret aside, she was still set on helping Max out. She spent the week before surgery at the hospital, going through all sorts of evaluations and testing. She was starting to feel uneasy by the time the laparoscopic surgery was fully described to her. Haruka listened to the surgeon, feeling the reassuring caress of Michiru's thumb over her fast pulse, and starting to relax just a bit. Her parents came down the day before the surgery and Haruka found herself crying again. It was not the fear of the procedure, it was the memories she associated with hospitals and family. She welcomed the anesthesia when it finally came.

Haruka woke up while Max was still in surgery. Per their request a bed was added to Max's room and Haruka saw her family sitting on the familiar couch. Michiru was sitting in a chair just like she did by Max. Both surgeries went without complications and soon the two friends became roommates. Three days after the surgery Haruka got a call from agent Dane. The third letter demanding $100,000 that came to her parents' house finally turned up a fingerprint.

The news and confinement to bed for the past three days made her restless, eventually leading to her quick discharge. As she stood in the doorway of the hospital room, waiting for Michiru to say goodbye, Haruka was happy to put the ordeal behind. All she was looking forward to was Max getting released next. Haruka really wanted to get out of LA.

They made their way downstairs, Michiru carrying the bag with Haruka's belongings and Sam trailing them behind. Not used to being taken care of in that way, Haruka felt a little out of place. She readjusted her sports coat for the umpteenth time, making sure that it sat right over the loose bindings she was wearing underneath. Having tender flesh and scars had consequences she did not quite think of earlier. Haruka was studying her dark blue jeans when the elevator doors opened on the first floor and Michiru gently took her elbow, guiding her outside.

Haruka took Michiru's hand in her own and they exited through the automatic doors. Neither noticed the group of people to the side of the entrance until a whirlwind of movement and sound surrounded them, finally settling in a pattern of microphones and cameras directed at them. Unlike so many times before, only one reporter spoke up, asking the question all of his colleagues wanted to know the answer to.

"Haruka, is it true that you are a woman?"

**x x x**

**Formula One. **

**It used to be my biggest dream. I craved for it, I lived for it, I pretended to be someone else for it… and I have only one good association left with it now. The only positive recollection is the feeling of the speed, the feeling of the car around me, the wind speeding past me. Not the knowledge that I was the first woman to do as well as I did. Not being as good at it as I was. Not the feeling of being the best at what I did. Just the feeling of being in the F1 car, doing what the car was made to do. **

**Suzuka circuit in Japan, the feeling of loss as I came through the finish line first and the engine died away as I got out of the car, surrounded by my teammates and other people… that's the last memory I will ever have of being an F1 racer. Just like I missed the speed, the car and the wind as soon as I stepped out then, I miss it now. **

**Everything else… pssh.**


	30. CH 29

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Haruka and Michiru's characters, they belong to Naoko Takeuchi. All other characters and this story belong to me. This story is fictional. Any references to real life companies, places and events are weaved into a web of fiction and do not have any connection with reality.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**AN:** Hey everyone! Here's the next installment. Thanks for all of your reviews and for reading!

_**lintolove: **_I guess I was in a grim mood if the chapter was heavy… I don't really think this one is any better. Sorry.

_**ilovemichiru25: **_So… as I mentioned before, the comment was about a review left for 'Ruka Tenou Distant Sky King's story, not her reference to me. I just felt that the forum was inappropriate, that's all. And if you guys have any questions, feel free to ask. I've always been very open with PMs, in-fic back and forth review answers that include more than the actual subject matter of the story, and hell, I'm on freaking Twitter. And once and for all: no, I am not a man, not that the writer's gender should matter. Back to the story. I am not telling you who I'm going to kill! What's the fun in that? Besides, I love it when your imagination just goes wild… so the less you know, the wilder it goes (case in point in the review you left ;) )

_**petiyaka: **_Thanks! In this economy, everyone needs lots of luck. See my friend, that's where we differ: I love building sand castles, but I also love stomping them. And yes, as a matter of fact, Feisu is the goddess of her fanfic universe. She can do whatever the hell she wants. Including talking about herself in third person.

_**SeraEris: **_It's really late night, so I'm struggling with what to say myself :P Nah, Max is Max… she's similar, but not Haruka.

_**Rukangel: **_What is it with you PR people and naming your cars? It's creepy when you meet someone like that and then you end up driving the car… that has a name. You kinda feel like you have to have a conversation with it when you're driving alone. :D

_**My Veggie Burger: **_Thanks, the song was stuck in my head for a while. (Who let the dogs out) I like to mix sweet and rough… or tough. Yeah, I don't feel bad for Joe either. He made a choice. Thanks for picking up on the Irish joke, I wondered in anyone would ;) Oh the problem of instant gratification… it sounds sooo familiar.

_**TheHuntress: **_Just a little more drama before the dust settles.

_**Mm-Burnt-Toast-mM: **_I think it's time for everyone to stop lying… or is it? Yeah, it is. Time to make amends, tie the loose ends and move on to happily ever after. Soon.

_**Mantaray: **_See, I'm not that cruel, it hasn't been a week… and I'll post the next one by the end of the weekend.

_**Tenoh and Kaioh: **_You haven't told your parents yet? Hey, fyi, neither did Michiru… and I didn't forget about that. Hey, if you ever feel like you need to get rid of those voices in your head, I hear Jce knows a few psychiatrists :)

_**McFleet: **_Hey, I used to write at work! We're all really bad and all have ADD. Reading at work and school, writing on vacations, etc. I don't do well with describing stories, especially because I have no idea where they will go when I start writing them. I might reconsider that. And no, I didn't know that, I mean, no offense, I don't read minds :) So thanks for sharing how you feel about the story, I'm glad you like it.

_**imjce: **_Wrote a while back, but didn't have time to post… it's hard juggling my job as a couch potato, an interview circus animal, and a goddess of my own universe. Hey, I'm not as devious as you are (this late in the story), so no, no tricks with Chelsea. Alan and Michiru - that's the abortion debate right there for you (minus the religious ground). As it always happens with random things you bring up, I know exactly what you're talking about with the optical illusion. So please stop bitch-slapping me al la Latina style, we're not in Venezuela… (it hurts) And helloooo, I did think about a threesome… and it must be a Canadian thing… because Max suggested it when Haruka and Michiru stayed at her apartment… you do remember that Max is from Canada, right? I should have made sarcastic references to that before, dammit. I think you need to check that formula with someone other than House. He doesn't seem to be good at venereal diseases and their components. ALCOHOLic (it's the latest fun song - did your brother catch it yet? Lemme know if not)

Oh yes, this is an **"M" rated chapter for language and mature content of lemony kind**

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**Chapter 29**

**It took me a moment to realize that the question asked in that clear voice was not part of my imagination. As the silence stretched for an eternity, I felt like I finally fell off of that cliff, watching the rocks beneath and wondering if I would die because I hit them or because my heart would not be able to handle the stress and explode midair. **

**x x x**

"Haruka, is it true that you are a woman?"

The world around her seemed to pause as Haruka's brain processed the question. The reporters did not move, the cameras did not waiver on their shoulders, the cars did not come to the valet station. Even the automatic doors behind her did not open or close. Then, everything returned to normal as Sam stepped forward, ready to get in the way of any reporter, completely disregarding Haruka's warning from when he was just hired. He did not care that she did not want to be protected, she was three days out of surgery. Sam grew to respect her in the few months they inadvertently spent together and, his professional instincts aside, he had no reason to just stand back and watch the hyenas attack.

"Excuse me?" Haruka finally forced out, feeling dizzy from shock and at a complete loss for any other reaction. No matter how much she tried to ready herself for this over the years, it still was an unexpected blow. She felt the reassuring squeeze of Michiru's hand and gained no relief.

"Are you a woman?" The same man repeated, his voice just a little impatient.

She did not even have a manager to send them to. Haruka frantically searched for a comeback, but her mind kept returning to one thought only: who outed her? There were so many possibilities. The blackmailer she was due to pay, Alan, Joe, even Amanda for that matter. She forced a smile. "Now where would you get that idea from?"

Unlike so many times before, not one reporter was amused at her statement. Instead, they all waited while someone produced a sheet of paper.

"Is it true that you donated a kidney to Max DuBios?" Someone asked, taking Haruka's attention away from the single page that was floating through the crowd towards her.

"Yes." She took the paper as it was handed to her.

"Your medical file states your gender as female. How do you explain that?"

She looked up to the annoying paparazzi from her pre-operation assessment form. "How do you explain having a document that is confidential and protected by law?" Her voice did not waiver, instead it gained strength, her initial fear was dissipating as rage took over. There were so many ways she could have been screwed and it happened because she saved someone's life? Someone from the hospital sold the information? Haruka relaxed her hand as she felt Michiru take in a pained breath.

"Miss Kaioh, are you dating a woman?" Another reporter turned to Michiru seeing how Haruka was turning to offensive.

"You leave her out of this." Haruka warned as she pointed at the man.

"Do you deny the authenticity of this document?"

There really was no point in trying to deny it anymore. The lie was over. Haruka exhaled all the air out of her lungs. "No."

"Then you are a woman?"

"I am a woman. Born a woman, raised a woman." No one has ever tried to catch on to her every word before in the same intent manner.

"Why did you hide your gender?"

"Are you a transvestite?"

"Were you forced to play a man to become an F1 racer?"

"Is Ferrari aware that you're a woman?"

"Do you intend to surgically change your gender?"

"What prompted you to lie?"

She felt her head spin again as she was bombarded with questions. She would have loved to answer a couple of them, the rest were simply ridiculous. Haruka raised her free hand, quieting the press down. "It all started as a misunderstanding. A simple misunderstanding."

"Why didn't you correct it?" Someone asked, this time a little gentler.

Haruka looked at the female reporter and smiled weakly. "I already signed the contract, it was either agree to the ultimatum or lose the deal I've always dreamed of. I just let my other dream pass to concentrate all of my efforts on racing. I could not lose that, I would have nothing left. So instead, I lost myself."

"Does your team know that you're a woman?"

"Did Ferrari threaten to cancel your contract if you revealed your gender?"

"What was your other dream?"

She raised her hand again, annoyed at the voices that interrupted each other. "You will have to contact Ferrari for anything that relates to the team or the company." She looked at Michiru for the first time briefly. "As to my other dream… I wanted to be a pianist. I passed on the acceptance to Juilliard right before I got the contract with Ferrari."

"Is that how the two of you met?"

"Ms. Kaioh, are you a bisexual?"

"Ms. Kaioh, will you deny having this relationship like you did with Ms. DuBios?"

To this point Michiru has been just standing there, unmoving, her lips tight, her hand holding Haruka's. It was not like she imagined it at all. She always thought that she would read the story in a tabloid like everything else. Being cornered by a herd of reporters was not something Michiru expected. Before Max's accident, Michiru was extremely concerned about the impact of her sexuality on her career. Many things have changed in the past two months. Many of Michiru's outlooks have changed and she did not realize it until that moment. Two months ago she would have remained silent. Now she wanted to put an end to this. Move on once and for all.

She raised their locked hands for everyone to see. "I think it's a bit too late to deny my relationship with Haruka. I've never had anything but platonic relationship with Max."

"Did you know that Haruka was a woman all along?"

"No. No, I didn't." She felt Haruka pull out her hand and wrap the arm around Michiru's waist protectively.

"How did you find out?"

"What was your reaction?"

"I saw her play tennis in a skirt. I was horrified." Michiru leaned into the half-embrace.

"Why?"

She looked at the woman who shouted the question, amused. "Wouldn't you be if you were married to a man in the past, thought that you were dating a man and then realized that you were dating a woman?"

"What did you do?"

Michiru looked up at her girlfriend. "We worked out our differences."

"Does your ex-husband know that you are dating a woman?"

"Yes."

"Is that what the confrontation a month ago was about?"

Haruka shook her head. "No, that just had to do with his loose tongue." Haruka shifted her weight. "Listen, I'm not supposed to be standing this much yet and I don't want to be a burden to my delicate girlfriend… so if you'll excuse us, we're going to be on our merry way somewhere I can recover."

Conversations erupted at Haruka's closing remark. Nevertheless, the reporters parted, allowing Sam to hover over the couple as they made their way to the car that was waiting for them at the curb. The last pictures were snapped as Haruka carefully sat down on the back seat, followed by Michiru. Sam closed the door and sat in the front. As the town car rolled away, the reporters scurried to work on their sensational stories.

**x x x**

_The first time I was accused of having a relationship with a woman, I felt vulnerable. Everything from the possibility of my classical career being destroyed to my fans hating me came to mind. The second time… well, it wasn't an accusation, we were in a relationship… I felt the opposite. Maybe because it came at a time when Haruka was physically not as strong as she usually is and because I knew how much it mattered to her that the world found out… but I felt strong. I was mentally daring for someone to say something derogatory or offensive. I didn't even think about my career. _

**x x x**

"I thought it would be much worse." Michiru commented as the town car made its short way to the hotel.

"Yeah." Haruka replied, her eyes never leaving the passing scenery. It was not the reporters she feared this whole time. She knew they would love her only more for the sensation she gave them.

"What now?"

"Now we go straight to mom and dad's room and tell them what happened. Then we build a fort and don't let anyone in."

"I don't think barricading the doors with furniture will help at this point honey."

"Right. We'll just put Sam in front of them." She patted him on the shoulder and he shook his head without turning. Deflection was something Haruka was good at and he was used to it.

"I think I need to call Anne." Michiru whispered out loud.

"You do that." Haruka answered back watching the hotel come into her sight. The tear that rolled down her cheek went unnoticed by anyone in the car.

**x x x**

He was nursing the bottle, sitting on the floor with his back against the couch, unseeingly staring at the television screen. The whiskey was warm and the refrigerator was out of ice, but he did not care. It was evening and there was nowhere he needed to be. Nowhere he was welcome anymore.

The image finally caught his attention. He reached for the remote that lay on top of the couch and brought up the volume.

"_It all started as a misunderstanding. A simple misunderstanding."_

He could see the pain in her eyes, knew how much it must have hurt to finally admit to it out loud. Knew how afraid she must be right now. The world of racing was not as forgiving as most. He sure hoped she thought of getting an attorney by now. He felt bad about not being there with her, but backtracking on his words and offering a shoulder to lean on seemed a bit too late. Joe raised the bottle to his lips and continued drinking.

**x x x**

He could not understand why the TV had to be on while they were having sex, but his mind did not ponder much on the subject as her lips closed over his shaft. He pulled on her red shoulder-length hair as her tongue traced the outline of his head, lingering just enough at the sensitive spot on the bottom to make his desire deepen. He watched her move in and out again, sending ripples of pleasure through his system and building anticipation. The annoying television screen caught his eyes again. Reading quickly over the title of the story, he pulled her hair hard enough to make her withdraw, freeing his private parts. He got up and walked to the television set, bringing up the volume.

"_Wouldn't you be if you were married to a man in the past, thought that you were dating a man and then realized that you were dating a woman?"_

He stared at the screen in amazement, ignoring the annoyed naked redhead that stood by his side.

"You've got to be kidding me."

He turned the TV off when the story ended and turned to find the woman that occupied his time before the unexpected interruption. She was already consoling herself with the white powder and a straw. Mark walked up to the table she kneeled in front of.

"Where were we?"

**x x x**

"_I think it's a bit too late to deny my relationship with Haruka. I've never had anything but platonic relationship with Max."_

The bar grew oddly quiet as people turned to the screen and listened to the interview in amazement. For once Michiru Kaioh seemed to not only talk, but be confident in what she was saying. As the camera panned back to Haruka, he raised his glass in a silent applause. She seemed to finally find courage, whether she was forced into it or not. Alan himself did not have enough courage to deal with his scandals, so he could certainly admire someone who seemed to be handling it quite well.

**x x x**

Soft voices filled the room as the occupants gathered around a coffee table, littered with at least a dozen of styrofoam containers. They ate, talked about funny childhood stories and consciously avoided the subject of the news that was broadcasted all over the country around that time. The buzz of a vibrating phone against the nightstand halted their conversation. They all looked at her in uncertainty.

Haruka considered shutting her phone off, but she wanted to make sure that she did not miss any calls from people she did care about. Like Dido or Max. She reached out and grabbed the device, checking her caller ID. Sighing with relief, she answered it.

"_Haruka, agent Dane. I'm just calling to give you an update."_

"Go ahead."

"_Unfortunately the fingerprint we lifted off of the last letter is not in the database, but we'll keep an eye on it. Whether the threats will stop or not, the crime has already been committed. If we find the match, we'll get your perp."_

"Thank you. I appreciate that."

"_No problem. I'll keep you posted."_

Haruka hang up and stared straight in the beautiful eyes of her girlfriend. Now that the truth was out she could share a laugh about the blackmail. On the other hand, Haruka did not see the point of worrying Michiru with something like that.

**x x x**

Saturday was an exciting day. Amanda did not know how long she spent inside the padded room, all she knew was that she would be let out on Saturday morning. The time she spent inside the room was awful. In the beginning the voices would not stop, her head was splitting and her hands were tied. She tried to sleep as much as she could. Now she sat cross-legged against the wall, watching the door opposite to her in anticipation. The voices went away, her body did not hurt and Amanda felt good. She was also excited about the possibility of seeing Joe. She was not allowed to see him while she was in the room and she truly missed him. He was so kind to her.

She got to her feet as the door clicked and opened slowly. Dr. Stein and a couple of nurses stood in the opening. "Ready to go, Amanda?"

She smiled at him and made her way out of her temporary jail cell. As she passed a window on the way to the community room she wondered if they would let her out in the garden. She missed the sunshine. The excitement of the possibility of having her life back made her heart sing. Amanda was ready to change how she lived. She vowed to be faithful to Joe, to ask forgiveness from those she hurt. She accepted that she was a terrible person because she knew she could change. Everything was going to change in Amanda's life.

**x x x**

It was still dark in the room when her eyes fluttered open. The curtains were drawn and she could see very little light penetrating from outside. She was still dazed from sleep, not used to the amount of medications that were in her system. The events of the day before only made things worse, giving her a headache as soon as she thought of what today might bring. The area around the incision site hurt. It was the last thought before Haruka noticed what actually woke her up. Soft lips were leaving butterfly kisses along her outstretched leg.

She raised her head and looked at Michiru. "Michi, what are you doing?"

"Taking your mind off of everything."

Haruka put her head back down and patted Michiru's head. "What makes you think I need a distraction?"

Michiru crawled up to Haruka's face and supported herself on the elbows, leaning over the racer. "Haruka, do you remember the last time it took you three minutes to realize I was kissing you?"

Haruka's mind drew a complete blank. She stared in Michiru's face with an expression of a guilty child. Michiru smiled. "Exactly. That and the fact that you kept sighing even in your sleep." Michiru kissed her gently on the lips. "We will get through this. It will be alright."

Haruka forced a smile. "Now you're the optimist?"

Michiru returned a more relaxed smile. "One of us has to be." She leaned back down and kissed Haruka again. It was a gentle, long kiss. As the last remnants of sleep were washed away by growing excitement, Haruka wrapped her arms around Michiru and brought her closer, wanting to feel her entire body pressed against her own. Michiru shifted to the side, denying Haruka that pleasure. "You're still recovering."

"So?" Haruka flipped Michiru on her back, hiding the pain as she did so.

Michiru tsked. "You can drop the macho act, Ruka. I can take care of you just as much as you can take care of me." She placed a hand on Haruka's cheek and caressed it with her thumb. After another long moment of intent staring at each other, Haruka gave in and laid back down. Michiru smiled and sat up, pulling the t-shirt over her head.

"If you said you were going to do that, I would've agreed a lot faster." Haruka murmured as she gave her girlfriend's torso an appreciative look.

Michiru chuckled and carefully helped Haruka out of her clothes. Their lips met again, this time in a more passionate kiss. Michiru's hands slid gently around Haruka's body, Haruka's were a bit more forceful. As the kiss deepened, Haruka's hands glided over the sides of Michiru's body and squeezed her full breasts, eliciting a stifled moan. It was better than any drug. The closeness to this woman made her forget about everything, including the worry about her career, the pain in her side, and anything else that bothered Haruka not more than five minutes ago. All she could think about now was never letting go of the woman wreathing in her arms, hovering less than an inch over her own body.

Michiru's mouth left Haruka's and she kissed her jaw, paying special attention to all the sensitive spots on her neck. Michiru glimpsed at the white rectangular bandage as she licked the pink center, suckling on it with satisfaction since there was no visible blood on the white cloth. She heard Haruka's breath hitch and her thoughts returned fully to what she was doing. As she slowly made her way south, Michiru's mind pondered on something else. She could not believe that she met Haruka a little under a year ago. It seemed like they shared a lifetime together. She also could not believe that she had any hesitation about being with a woman. Well, at least this woman in particular. It only seemed natural now and she could not imagine having a relationship with anyone else. The potent taste of her girlfriend wiped the last thoughts away from Michiru's mind.

Haruka's hands clutched at the pillow above her head as she stretched her entire body in anticipation of the release. Michiru knew exactly how to prolong the sweet torture and she has been doing it for a while now. Every time her tongue brushed against Haruka's burning center, her fingertips squeezing on Haruka's nipple, the blonde felt the excitement of an approaching release. Only Michiru would retreat and leave her in frustrated agony. Haruka was almost to the point of pleading, something she rarely considered possible, when Michiru withdrew the hand that massaged her breast and entered her, simultaneously suckling on her clitoris. Haruka arched her back, blinded by the pure white of the orgasm. Her body shook violently, as though she has not been satisfied for a while, even though that was not the case. As the last ripples of pleasure subsided, Michiru laid back next to her.

Haruka opened her clouded eyes and turned to her girlfriend. Her face was the most beautiful shade of pink. A mixture of the heat of passion and the embarrassment Michiru was still somehow able to pull off after one of them came. Haruka could not picture anything more stunning than the image in front of her. She turned to her side and kissed the violinist deeply, ignoring her protests and making Michiru forget all she was going to say. Haruka's hand slid down to Michiru's wet folds of its own volition as Haruka broke the kiss, her face marred with desire. She brought her hand back and supported herself with it against the bed. She was not touching the beauty next to her, but there was not much distance between them. She kissed her again before returning to the original position and just locking eyes with the dark blues.

"Michi… will you marry me?" Haruka did not even know where it came from, other than the idea that she did not want to let Michiru go. Ever. "I mean, not now, I know now is not the time… and we don't live somewhere it's even legal, but… at some point?" She searched for words as Michiru just blinked back at her. "I mean… I'm sorry, I just royally screwed this up." Haruka covered her now bright crimson face with her free hand, swearing at her awkwardness profusely in her mind.

She felt Michiru take hold of her wrist and remove the hand. Soft lips that still tasted of her own sex pressed hard into Haruka's mouth as Michiru pushed her back on the bed, forcing her to relax and tense at the same time. Michiru pulled away when they were both running low on air. Their noses millimeters apart, Michiru gave Haruka the brightest smile she has ever seen.

"Of course I will… when we can do so. Whenever and wherever that is. I can't imagine life without you… I love you more than anyone and anything else in the world."

Haruka's eyes welled up a bit as she smiled back. "You're even more eloquent in your response than I was in my proposal. Why would you want to be with me?"

"Silly Ruka." Michiru leaned down and kissed her blonde again. She was still too preoccupied by the kiss when she felt Haruka's hand return to her burning core. Michiru smiled into the kiss as she readjusted her body to allow her stubborn fiancée easier access.

**x x x**

The rest of the morning was spent returning phone calls to her teammates and other acquaintances. Those who bothered enough to call her and express their support. To Haruka's utter surprise, very few of them were mad at her. She was almost starting to feel hopeful about the situation when someone knocked at the door. She watched Michiru check the peephole before she carefully pulled the door open, not unlocking the chain.

"Good Afternoon, I'm looking for Haruka Tenoh?"

Michiru eyed the man in a gray suit in suspicion. She unlocked the chain as Sam stepped into the hallway, right behind their guest. Haruka slowly made her way to the door.

"How can I help you?" She stood next to Michiru, eyeing him suspiciously.

The man extended her a thick set of papers. "Haruka Tenoh, you have been served."

She absentmindedly took the stack as the man turned around and pranced down the hallway. Haruka stared at the cover sheet in complete disbelief. In bold capital letters to the left it read:

_SCUDERIA FERRARI S.P.A., PHILIP MORRIS INTL,_

_FIAT S.P.A, SHELL GROUP et al_

_v._

_HARUKA TENOH_

Her shaking fingers found the edge of the page and she turned it to a long list of claims. Her eyes ran through the numbered paragraphs, her brain only picking a few words: fraud, forgery, malicious deceit, and conspiracy. Haruka swallowed the lump in her throat and raised her eyes to the two people who tried to read the papers she held.

"Anyone knows a good attorney? I think my company just turned on me."

**x x x**

They sat in her parents' room, the complaint papers scattered around the coffee table. Michiru sat behind Haruka, hugging her from behind with her chin on Haruka's shoulder. She knew more than ever that Haruka needed her right now. Haruka's father paced the length of the room as Sam and Mary sat on the couch, studying some of the documents.

"I cannot believe those mother fuckers would do something like this!" Charlie looked sheepishly at his wife, remembering a bit too late about his language.

"They warned me they'd sue me if I revealed my gender."

"They threatened you and coerced you into lying all these years!" He father's voice boomed.

Haruka nodded slowly. "Too bad it's my word against theirs."

"No, it's not. Your manager was the one who spoke with them, they will subpoena him and he'll have to explain everything." Mary voiced from the couch.

"Yeah… I'm not sure how well that will work."

"We just need to assemble a good legal team, that's all." Charlie took a seat rubbing his suddenly tight chest.

Haruka threw him a worried glance, but he waved her off. "Whatever legal team I can afford, they can afford better." Haruka reasoned. "Look at what they've put together in twenty-four hours."

"Speed isn't what wins cases in court. It's the weight of the evidence and the reasoning. Let's hope they made mistakes." Michiru whispered.

They heard a knock at the door next to their room. Michiru got up. "It must be Anne."

She opened the door and looked out in the hallway. Instead of the blonde she expected she saw a brunette woman turn her head sideways. "Am I knocking on the wrong door?"

Michiru smiled. "No, we're camping out at the Tenoh room. Come on over." She stepped away, letting the woman through.

"Di, what are you doing here?" Haruka got up, giving her friend a grateful embrace.

"What, you thought I was going to miss the party? Please. Who's going to dress you up for the next interview baby doll?"

Haruka chuckled as Dido greeted the rest of the occupants in the room. The more support she got from her few friends and her family, the more she believed that there was still something to live for.

**x x x**

He picked up the phone cursing the traffic. He wanted to be there when they let Amanda out of the room, but he has been sitting in traffic for almost an hour now. Expecting to hear Dr. Stein's voice, he raised the mobile to his ear.

"Hello."

"_Joel, Anne. I don't know what is going on with you, but I need to meet with you to discuss the disaster you left your client in."_

"Anne… it's really not a good time."

"_I don't care. Whatever it is, your client of six years was just served in the biggest civil suit of her life. You are her star witness. Get your ass to her camp."_

"Anne, I can't. I have some personal issues to attend to and Haruka hasn't really been my client in a couple of months."

"_Really? Did you send her a resignation letter? Did she fire you in writing? Because if she didn't and you don't show up and do you job, the next biggest civil lawsuit in her life will be against you."_

He swore out loud, not bothering to remove the speaker away from his face. "I don't give a shit what you do. You can sue me for the last penny I've got, but I don't have time for this right now."

"_Joel… you won't be able to pay Amanda's medical bills if your assets are tied in a lawsuit."_

His heart skipped a beat. "You're a manipulative bitch."

"_Comes with the trade. Besides, I hear you've come a lot lower than that. Go see your fiancée, then get your act straight and get your ass here."_

Joe felt like he was squeezed between two rocks. On one hand he was revolting against the idea of being forced into something when all he cared about was Amanda, on the other hand he felt bad for Haruka. Even if he put Amanda first, Haruka still used to be his best friend. He really liked her and wished her no harm. Life just had other plans.

"I will give you a call when I have time." He let the pause stretch for a little while. "Did Ferrari go after her?"

"_Yes. Ferrari and all of her sponsors."_

"Fuck."

"_My thoughts exactly."_

**x x x**

Haruka's team seemed to grow every hour. Within the last three Dido, her aunt and uncle, and Anne showed up, so now the room was getting a little tight.

"I think it's time to get up to that penthouse." Haruka murmured, readjusting her position on the couch. Like a guard, Michiru stayed by her side, forcing her to relax at least physically.

"I'll take care of that." Dido got up.

Anne went over the list of people on her notepad. "Okay, so I think we should go with the New York legal team, seeing how the suit was filed in the Federal District there." She checked the names and the ratings she put next to each of them. She finally made her choice and made the call.

Dido came back while Anne was still discussing the logistics. "They don't have large suites, darling, so I've booked the Presidential Suite and a few rooms at the Four Seasons. At least we'll have a large enough table to throw all the paper around."

Haruka gave her friend a weak smile and nodded her head. "We should move there then. I'm sure everyone will be more comfortable. I also want to visit Max on the way."

"Why don't we take care of all that stuff while the two of you go see your friend?"

**x x x**

If she was anxious to get out of bed before, Max sure was held back only by the tubes now. If it wasn't Haruka's kidney she would be risking by getting herself checked out, she would have been long gone. At least so she kept telling herself. Somewhere in the back of her mind she knew that was just a dream, she was still too weak to be released. She smiled wide when she saw her friends enter the room, their bodyguard staying just outside the door.

"I was kinda expecting to see you in a skirt."

Haruka raised an eyebrow as she sat down in a chair. "You want more controversy on my head?"

Max shrugged. "It would be fun to see their reactions."

"I'm already getting loose." Haruka pointed to her chest.

Max laughed as she noticed the soft feminine outline under Haruka's racing jacket. "That will only make them more curious, you know. You should go all out to prove that you're a woman."

"Why do I have to prove anything?" Haruka stared at her friend. "Besides, I'm not a big fan of skirts… I mean wearing them."

"Uh huh." Max looked up at her other friend who perched on the side of her bed. "They won't let me out to have fun with you!"

"It's not as fun as it seems, Max." Michiru remained serious. "How are you feeling?"

"Sore, but they say it's going good so far. The kidney should be close to fully functional by the end of tomorrow. Whenever they give me an okay, I'm starting the therapy. Can't wait to get back to my feet."

"Sounds good. We're moving to the Four Seasons, so let your parents know we're around."

Max nodded. "I don't know why you stayed in different hotels in a first place."

"Because independent of what rooms we paid for, we hang out here the most." Haruka remarked snidely.

Max just gave her a happy smile.

**x x x**

Like so many times before they sat in the community room, only this time they sat next to a small table in the center. Amanda seemed to be a lot more relaxed and happy. Joe felt hesitant for the first hour, half-expecting another violent outburst, but Amanda almost seemed like her regular self. She laughed, she smiled, she caressed his hand that lay on the table. She talked about their wedding and how she would try to patch up her career. As his visit progressed, Joe felt relaxed for the first time in two months. The tiny hope of having the love of his life back flickered in his heart once more.

**x x x**

The Presidential Suite housed two bedrooms with in-suite bathrooms, a living room, dining room, office, and a state of the art kitchen. It was decorated in a modern style giving it a penthouse feel. Her whole 'team' as Haruka started to call everyone who came to help, assembled around a large dining room table. Haruka's eyes darted to the baby grand piano that sat against one of the sliding doors.

"Oh, Di, where were you for the past two months?" She walked to the instrument and took a seat.

"You know, here and there… traveling around the world." She smiled at the racer. "You need clean clothes too, so that's my next step."

Haruka narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "What kind of clothes are we talking about?"

"The kind that fit you. The real you." Dido turned to Michiru. "I'll get some goodies for you as well."

Michiru knew better than to argue. They watched the brunette leave as Anne came from an adjacent sitting area. "Ferrari is holding a live press conference. I think you should see it."

Haruka got up without any enthusiasm and followed everyone to assemble in front of a 50-inch plasma-screen TV. They watched through numerous commercials before the channel put on the live feed. She saw a few faces she knew standing behind a spokesperson at the podium. Her team manager was there, as were some of the higher ups she came across before. Haruka was really interested in what they had to say. Having been already served, though, she had a feeling she would not like it.

"_Late yesterday night our company and our team were shocked by the news that Haruka Tenoh is a woman. Haruka was recruited six years ago and throughout that entire time she lied, convincingly, to everyone who surrounded her, pretending to be a man. As an equal opportunity employer we do not understand why Ms. Tenoh felt it necessary to hide her gender. Further, the FIA regulations do not prohibit women from participating in the sport, we all know that some women have done so in the past. Scuderia Ferrari as well as some of the sponsors of our team are at a loss as to Ms. Tenoh's actions. Fortunately, this fiasco happened at the end of the season and will not affect neither our team nor the sport as it may have earlier in the year. Due to Ms. Tenoh's fraudulent conduct during her time with Ferrari, her contract that expires at the end of this season will not be renewed in the future. _

_Ms. Tenoh's conduct is derogatory not only to the team, but also to the sport overall. Though the regulations do not specify the repercussions of such conduct simply by way of something like this being unforeseen, we have contacted the FIA regarding the punishment for Ms. Tenoh's actions. We feel that she set a deplorable example, one that has to be discouraged from other racers. From our preliminary discussions with the FIA, the most likely outcome will be the ban on Ms. Tenoh's ability to ever race in a Formula One competition again."_


	31. CH 30

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Haruka and Michiru's characters, they belong to Naoko Takeuchi. All other characters and this story belong to me. This story is fictional. Any references to real life companies, places and events are weaved into a web of fiction and do not have any connection with reality.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**AN:** Sorry, I meant to put this up yesterday, but laundry was really asking for my attention… Anyway, here you go. Thanks for reading and reviewing!

_**petiyaka: **_No, I'm too impatient to wait a whole week. Yeah, Haruka could do NASCAR, especially since those races are held at Watkins Glen, but I have other plans for her. Please, no worship, that just makes me reaaaaally uncomfortable ;)

_**Mm-Burnt-Toast-mM: **_I should be able to take care of Mark, Amanda and Joe in the next chapter or two. I still feel like she should have taken care of that misunderstanding way back when, so too bad… now I just need to logically explain how she'll get banished from F1… I have an idea.

_**SHonS: **_I thought of making Michiru and Haruka a duet, let them play music together, but that would've been reminiscent of "It's All About Us" so I don't think I'm going to do it. Don't worry, she won't just hide in the bushes for the rest of her life.

_**McFleet: **_In my experience if a corporation wants something, they get it. Whether you're the one being honest or not. It's all hearsay anyway: he said, she said. Yeah, that visual of Max… that's interesting. Never thought of it that way ;)

_**SeraEris: **_Actually I only picked Ferrari because of the original, and yes, I know Haruka didn't just drive Ferrari in the original, I'm getting there. (That would be the cue for your crystal ball) I'm going to manipulate what happens between Haruka, Ferrai and FIA… so you let me know how believable that is after next chapter.

_**Fusionmix: **_Maybe I should send someone down the drama-flavored pits of angst… it sounds fascinating. Yeah, poor Amanda… I'm not done with her yet.

_**TheHuntress: **_The dust always settles, even if it's over the bare landscape amidst the ashes of what used to be… How's that for depressing?

_**Mantaray: **_I like happy endings. Even though I always have a dramatic one up my sleeve.

_**Tenoh and Kaioh: **_Never say 'never.' Right, do you have proof of all of that? What was said that is? I mean it's not like she has a recording of it all. That's the downfall for her. For a second there I thought Mark Webber entered the conversation, so I did a double-take wondering if you've been smoking… something. (because you said "And he's pretty hot for a guy." followed by: "I'm glad you think so highly of me.") Anyway… you and the voices in your head :)

_**ilovemichiru25: **_Tweet Attack? Is that a new ninja trick? I'll keep the katana by my side just in case. Just wait 'till I whack my iPhone with it in half… after you tweet attack me… Nah, I take that back, I can't live without my phone. Now what would I get for incorporating a clown, a hose and a puppy into the next chappie? Because I can. Totally. You're challenging my imagination and well… it's crazy enough to put that in there… if it's worth it. Free virtual cookies? Nah, I've had those… preferred the virtual massage that I got later. So, what can your imagination come up with?

_**lintolove: **_Yeah, I'm slowly making the way towards the light.

_**imjce: **_See, I was reading your review and wondering why the hell you think I'd call you that many names, Jce… and then you thought of the same thing in the middle. So I'm glad we're on the same page. Because I'm not mean, b!tch. :P Good reading between the lines by the way, you get a scout badge Sherlock. Oh come on, I was just having fun with the knifeee… what you don't like it? Well neither do I after I started reading your Girl with a Dragon Tattoo… did you have to stick a katana up someone's a*hole? Gross, Jce. Just gross. Now I can't look at mine without thinking about it, so thanks. Hey, Domo is cute and I know what it is. How about SUMO, SUMO, SUMO… lots of spinach over fattening foods for that one.

I don't think there's anything bad in this chapter. Ratings wise. Enjoy...

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**Chapter 30**

As she lay in bed that night, Michiru cuddled up to her side, Haruka could not help but cry. She kept her strong front through the press conference, she threw some sarcastic remarks as everyone else in the room seemed to explode in outrage. She felt nothing but the dull pain of the knowledge that she would never race again. Unlike six years ago, she no longer had any illusions about the power of a corporate giant like Ferrari. If they wanted to get something, they would, and they wanted to make an example of Haruka. Now that she was alone with her thoughts in the darkness, the tears finally spilled over. She knew that her race in Japan would be the last for this season because of the surgery, she did not expect it to be the last ever. She almost wished she knew, she would have had an opportunity to say a proper goodbye. In return for gaining her real gender, she lost the one thing that used to matter. There was no turning back and no point in regretting any of it. Now she just had to be strong about getting through this nightmare. She no longer had a contract, the lawsuit demanded more than she earned in her career altogether and she was looking into likely reprimand from the FIA. The most likely prospect was walking away from this in shame, shambles, and with very few people still by her side. All that misery Haruka did not allow herself to feel over the years threatened to drown her now.

She felt a hand wipe down the tears on her right cheek as Michiru's face brushed against the other side, smearing the liquid. Haruka did not want Michiru to see her like that, but she did not even notice as the smaller woman woke up.

"Haruka, my darling, beautiful, courageous girl who always tries to stay strong… you don't have to. I will never love you less because you have emotions just like the rest of us… I will love you more for sharing them with me. Please let me in. Please allow me to share your pain."

Haruka wrapped her arm around Michiru's back, bringing her into a tight embrace. She turned her head and buried her face against Michiru's temple, letting her sobs break free and gently shake her body. The tousled hair became wet with her tears as she held on to Michiru for dear life. Neither said another word as Haruka cried herself into sleep, never releasing her hold on the violinist.

**x x x**

The next few days were spent in constant chaos. An attorney they hired to handle her matters flew in from New York on a Monday, spending the whole day going over the details of Haruka's career. He seemed to be pretty confident that the lawsuit would not stick, but assessed realistically that it could be dragged out for years.

Haruka got official letters from both Scuderia Ferrari letting her know that her contract would not be renewed and the FIA, letting her know that an official investigation has been launched into her conduct. It did not help that the media seemed to get a real kick out of that story. From the revelation to press conference to the leak that exposed the lawsuit, it was all on TV, every day. None of it was in Haruka's favor either. Everyone seemed to turn on her, portraying her as an extremely manipulative person she was not. Her past was dug up and raked, exposing the smallest rocks that marred it. The stories only seemed to escalate and Haruka forbade the TV from being turned on and tabloids from being brought anywhere near her. The story that pushed her over the edge accused Haruka of being jealous of her sister, trying to become the son her family never had. She wanted to find the bastard that brought her sister's name up and beat him into a pulp; if only he was in LA, she probably would have done it.

She went for a post-op checkup on Wednesday and got her first good news of the week. Her body was dealing well with the adjustment, despite the stress she was under. After visiting with Max who was also given a green light to slowly start with her physical therapy, they made their way back to the hotel. On their living room couch sat Joe.

Haruka put the keycard on a side table in the marbled foyer as she silently made her way to the chair that sat across from the couch Joe and Anne occupied. She sat down and stretched her legs on the glass coffee table. Looking at Joe without any expression. Michiru walked up and perched on the thin armrest, staying close to her fiancée. Sam took a seat on the empty couch, also deciding to stay close.

As the silence stretched, Haruka's eyes did not waiver from Joe's face. He looked up at her once, but then studied the carpet through the glass of the table. Michiru threw Anne an asking glance, but Anne just shrugged, leaving it to the two ex-friends to figure out.

"I'm sorry, I behaved like a complete ass. I had no right to threaten you like I did and I don't deserve to be your friend after that. I'm here in the capacity of your agent." He finally looked up at her, gaging her reaction.

"You're fired." Haruka answered simply.

"Haruka, you need him to explain everything that-"

Haruka silenced Anne with her raised hand. "This is my fort. It's a place I only let in people I know I can trust, otherwise they have no business by my side. Mr. DiCallo was my agent, the one who negotiated the contract I am currently being sued based on. At the very least he will have to give a statement under oath. If he has any truthfulness left in him, I am sure that will be the place to exercise it. Seeing how I am no longer an F1 racer, I don't have a need for an agent. Especially that one."

He swallowed hard, her words hurting the side of him that still mourned losing a friend. He could understand her, though. If someone backstabbed him like that, Joe would have probably been a little less finessed than Haruka. Putting his head back down he stood up. "I don't want to overstay my welcome."

"It's a little late for that." Haruka whispered. She watched him nod and walk away, Anne following him out. As strange as it was, it hurt her to let him go, but she could not forgive him for what he did. She could not trust him anymore and it was just too much to handle right now.

**x x x**

Alan grabbed his wallet and put it in the back pocket of his jeans. He has not seen Rob in a couple of weeks now, the guitarist seemed to be doing something on the side. Kyle was in and out of the loft, also seemingly seeking other career opportunities. He wondered how much longer it would take for Paradigm to completely fall off of the face of the earth. His other guitarist came out of the bedroom, giving Alan an assessing look.

"Heading out to another bar?"

Alan shrugged. "No reason sitting around here."

"Alan, you really should stop drinking yourself into a cirrhosis."

"I don't take advice from drug addicts regarding substance abuse."

"I told you I've been clean!" Mark's voice rose a little.

"Right, the money that you've earned just went to groceries. Spare me." He left the loft, slamming the door before Mark could reply.

The night air smelled of autumn and exhaust as Alan walked to one of the neighborhood bars, somewhere he was now a regular. He took a spot at the end of the bar and ordered the usual. Alan's favorite past time lately was watching people while sipping on a hard drink. He really did not like most of them. As he downed his fourth drink of the night, he watched the nightly news for the lack of anything better to do. As it happened every day for the past week, there was a story on Haruka. He shook his head in frustration as he read the subtitles. He felt that she was wrong to hide her gender, but he did not know why she did it and he was sure as hell it wasn't one of the reasons the media seemed to pull out of nowhere. He wondered how she felt. When he was the center of a controversy, it made him want to crawl under a rock. Pretty much what he has been doing lately. Haruka, on the other hand, seemed to have the strength to fight at least when she was cornered by reporters. He wondered if she had anyone but Michiru to lean on and if the support she had was enough.

His attention turned to a couple of men that seemed to get rather fresh with a young woman. Setting his drink aside, Alan approached the three and inquired whether there was something he could help with. As a reward for his effort he was punched in the face. Alan could not ask for more. He swung his fist and put a good struggle against the two bigger, more built men.

As he was tossed out of the bar for his debauchery, Alan thought that that was close to what Haruka must have felt when in reward for donating a kidney her secret got exposed. In his case the reward for trying to help a fair maiden was a bill for the broken furniture, a ban from the bar and a few nasty cuts and bruises. He spit the blood to the side of the building and wiped the blood from his broken brow. Scowling at life in general and messed up people in particular, Alan made his way back to the loft.

**x x x**

She sipped on her Cosmopolitan, scowling at the television screen. Why did it have to come out now? She was just making progress with Haruka, it was so easy to get that money. Why did the story have to come out now? It was not fair. What was worse, Chelsea lost her job because she failed to follow up on the suspicion of Haruka's gender appropriately, making Angle lose millions of dollars, or so her ex-editor had said. Chelsea had nothing else to do but pack her stuff and drive to the nearest bar. Of course, even here the reminder of her failure was on television. She sighed and gestured for the bartender to refill her glass. She would take a night off today and then she would start looking for something else. Some other information that could be useful.

Three more Cosmos later, Chelsea paid her check and walked to the nearby parking structure. She unlocked her car and got in. Hopefully getting out of Manhattan would be easier at this time of the night. She drove through the streets, getting to I-295 and heading home. She was only going ten miles above the speed limit when the dark police cruiser appeared out of nowhere to her side. Chelsea tried to slow down, but on an almost empty highway she was the only prey. The car followed her and the bright red and blue lights appeared in her rearview mirror. Chelsea cursed under her breath and pulled to the side of the road. She got her registration out of the glove compartment and waited for the trooper to come up.

"License and registration please." She handed the documents over through the open window. The officer left her side and returned a few moments later. "Do you know why I stopped you tonight ma'am?"

"No." She put on her best smile.

The officer leaned down a little bit, inspecting the inside of her car. "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"

"I had one drink after work."

"Okay. Step out of the car for me please."

Chelsea shifted uncomfortably. "Is that really necessary?"

"Yes." He watched her unbuckle her seatbelt and open the door, stepping out awkwardly. "Ma'am, I need you to consent to a breathalyzer test."

"And if I don't?"

He watched her closely. "Stretch your arms to the sides and walk in a straight line for me please."

She kicked off her heels and did as he asked. She did not notice how her body swayed as she made the steps, the line seemed to be straight in her mind.

"Ma'am, if you don't agree to the breathalyzer test I will have to take you down to the station with me."

Chelsea gulped down and nodded her head slowly. She was hoping that the slow pace at which she consumed her Cosmos would have lowered the content of alcohol in her system. She breathed out when she was told and waited in nervous anticipation.

The officer set the machine on top of her car. "Ma'am, you're under arrest for driving while intoxicated..."

**x x x**

One of the really good things about having her entire family around was that she got fed very well. Either her mother or her aunt constantly occupied themselves in the in-suite kitchen, forcing Haruka to eat more and recover quicker. They were having a dinner Thursday night when someone knocked on the door. Haruka got up, silencing everyone.

"At least if it's another lawsuit or subpoena I'll be right by the door."

She walked away before any of them had a chance to protest. Haruka opened the door and just stared for a long moment, until she opened it wider.

"Need someone to help you shuffle papers?"

She smiled wide. "Is it that or are you running away from the Irish mob?"

Alan smiled, though it pained his lacerated face. "I was just trying to help someone out. Figured I'd go and do so for someone who'd at least appreciate the effort."

Haruka gave him a quick hug. He felt his face grow warm as for the first time he felt her chest touch his. He looked down as she stepped away. She was wearing cargo pants and a zip-up that did not hide her shapes. Quite the opposite, it was tight enough to accentuate them. He felt her slap him at the back of his head.

"Stop staring!"

"Sorry." Alan turned an even brighter shade of red.

Haruka just chuckled, closing the door. "It's okay, I understand." She gestured for him to set his suitcase against the wall and follow her in. "Look who decided to join our ranks."

They all turned and Michiru literally jumped off of her chair, staring at her ex-husband with a slightly parted mouth.

Charlie gestured to an empty chair. "Take a seat, we were just about to get even fatter."

Carol got up and brought an empty plate with utensils, setting them in front of the suddenly shy man. "Here you go. Alan, right?"

"Right." He smiled his thanks at her.

Haruka pulled Michiru's chair further out and pointed for her to get back on it. Michiru complied, still at a loss for words. Anne smiled up at Alan across the table, he nodded his greeting as he noticed her.

Dido just looked at everyone who seemed to know a secret she did not. "Am I missing something?"

"Oh…" Haruka sat down at the head of the table next to Michiru and pointed at each of her friends as she spoke. "Alan, this is Dido Niccolo, my friend and stylist. Di, this is Alan Carey, my friend and Michiru's ex-husband."

"Oh…" Dido set her fork down, finally catching on to all the undercurrents. "Why do I always go to visit you in Italy? It's so much more fun here."

"You don't have a filter, that's why." Haruka replied.

"I'm just honest."

"That would be a first around here." Alan jabbed.

Haruka grabbed Michiru's wrist as the violinist was about to get up again. "You can solve your differences later, not at the dinner table."

"Sorry." Alan stared back at his plate.

"How did you find us?" Haruka asked as she gave Carol a sign to fill Alan's plate.

"I stopped by Max, making her even more frustrated about still being at the hospital."

"She'll get over herself." Haruka replied as she put a dumpling in her mouth.

"She's mixing stuff online, did you know that?"

Haruka nodded. "Yeah, she started doing weekly podcasts. They're good, you should listen to them."

"I checked out her website on the way here, her popularity skyrocketed now that she's back from the dead."

"She deserves at least something good after everything that happened." Michiru said.

"She does." Alan agreed, avoiding looking at the violinist. "How has she been doing?"

"Getting better day by day."

"Has she remembered anything?"

Haruka shook her head silently. "She can mix a damn good set in a software she doesn't remember using before, she can tell you what music has been mixed before and what hasn't, but she can't tell you how she became a deejay."

"Give her some time. You can't force things like that on someone. The memories come when you least expect." Dido added.

"Personal experience?" Alan asked.

"No, I haven't had the fortune of forgetting my miserable past." Dido's comment would have been out of place, if only it was not accompanied by a serious expression that sent chills through Alan and some other people at the table.

"The problem is, you forget all the good things too." Michiru mused.

Dido smiled at her weakly. "If you had any."

"Don't overdramatize. You're going to make my fiancée feel like you've been abused in your childhood or something terrible like that."

Haruka's statement made half of the table choke. Michiru choked because she thought of Max, everyone else chocked because of the way Haruka addressed her.

Alan wiped his mouth with a napkin and beat Mary to the punch. "Your FIANCÉE?"

Haruka bit on her bottom lip, blushing and averting her eyes. Michiru set her napkin back in her lap and turned to Alan. "Yes, do you have a problem with that?"

Alan rubbed his bulging eyes. "I have a problem catching up to everything you throw my way."

"Well, I'm fresh out of surprises." Michiru's challenging look did not waiver.

"Haruka?"

Michiru looked at her still suddenly shy fiancée and then up at Mary who asked the question.

"Haruka, look at me."

Haruka exhaled slowly and looked up at her mother. "I may have forgotten to mention that I asked Michiru if she would marry me… one day… in some distant future… and that she agreed."

Mary's unreadable face finally lit up with a broad smile. "Now why do we always find out last?"

"Always?" Haruka rubbed the back of her neck. "Mom, I've never proposed to anyone before."

"I know that!" Mary shot back. "I mean about you dating, about you… you know, and now about the engagement?"

"No offense, but you don't deal with change all too well mom."

"Here we go again." Charlie sighed exasperatingly, while smiling. He turned to Michiru. "Congratulations."

"Thank you." Michiru smiled back as the rest of the table added their good wishes.

They watched a movie after dinner, acting like a big happy family that they technically were, leaving all the worries outside of the suite. Michiru got up in the middle and made her way out to the balcony to join Alan's lonely figure. Haruka felt her father throw her a questioning glance.

"They need to talk." She replied lazily, not a worry in her voice.

**x x x**

The smoke drifted away from his face as he leaned against the railing, watching the cars below the sixteenth floor on which he stood. He has not had a drop of alcohol in thirty-two hours and he felt like shit, even if he hid it well. He also felt the need to nurse a bottle, so he resorted to something Max used at some point to get out of her growing addiction. He heard the door open and close, but did not turn, knowing who it was. She walked up and stood next to him, leaning into the railing.

"When did you start smoking?"

"When I quit drinking."

She turned to face him, but he did not. Michiru studied his profile. "How many hours ago was that?"

He smiled briefly before getting another dose of nicotine. "Does it matter?"

"I don't know." She shifted uncomfortably, searching for words. "I am very sorry, Alan. I know what I did was not fair to you and you have every right to be mad at me… but I want you to know that it wasn't an easy decision and the guilt is still eating at me."

He threw her a sideways glance. She really did look genuinely remorseful. "I didn't come here for you, you know?"

"I do know." Michiru sighed. "And I'm glad that you didn't let what I did stand between you and Haruka."

Alan nodded. "Aye. I'm tired of you standing between me and other people."

"Excuse me?"

"Oh come on, my friends are my bandmates. Max always took your side, Rob stayed away because he never wanted to get between you and I, in the middle of out marital spats, and Mark did the opposite. He always did get in the middle, so our friendship suffered because of you. I'm tired of that. You caused me so much pain in life, I can't handle any more. I tried to stay away from you and I know that does nothing to eliminate you from my life, so I'm going to do the opposite. I am going to have one normal friendship and I don't care if my friend is your fiancée. I genuinely like her, I've always respected her, and I will not let you ruin that for me too."

He noticed a tear that dropped on the railing, but ignored it. The silence stretched as Alan had nothing more to say and Michiru was too taken aback by his little speech. The door opened and Dido stepped outside. "Haruka's looking for you."

Michiru wiped her tears away. "I'm sorry Alan." She walked past the brunette and closed the door.

"Do you have another one of those?" Dido waved at his cigarette.

Alan pulled a pack out of his pocket and extended it to her. Dido stepped closer and lit a cigarette up from the one he still held in between his lips. Alan studied her upclose with no more than a few inches between their faces. She withdrew before his mind came to terms with her forwardness and inhaled deeply.

"Ahh… Haruka always forbids these around her house, so it's nice to have someone else on my side."

"How long have you known her?"

"Since she started racing. I was dating her opponent at the time, then I dated her."

Alan snickered. "So you're into women too?"

Dido wrinkled her nose. "Not that kind of dated. Cover-dated. Pretend-dated. I just don't see the incentive in dating a woman. Too much estrogen."

Alan laughed out loud for the first time in a long time. "You must have broken her heart."

"Temporarily. I patched it up with my makeup kit." She watched him. "Now how about you?"

"Oh, I'm into women."

Dido smiled and tapped her cigarette against the railing, letting the ashes fall down to the street. "I meant your broken heart."

"I own a guitar, not a makeup kit."

"How has that been working for you?"

"Rather shitty." Alan pressed the butt of the cigarette into the railing.

"So you figure the way to heal your heart is to be closer to the woman you love?"

He looked up at her, studying the inquiring eyes that held just a little trace of laughter. "I don't love her anymore. She put me through a lot, I'm not a masochist. Haruka, on the other hand, I like."

"Sorry to break it to you, but Haruka only swings one way and it seems to be towards your ex-wife." Dido jabbed.

"I meant as a person. She seems like someone who makes a good friend."

Dido grew serious. "She makes the best friend you could possibly have. Just make sure you don't hurt her if you decide to stick around. Because if you do, I'll go after you. The only reason I didn't go after Joe is because he chose hell over her as it is."

Alan nodded his head. "Trust me, the last thing I want to have is another failed relationship."

Dido studied him for another moment before she looked at the next set of doors. "Have you ever heard her play?"

"Michiru?"

"No, Haruka."

Alan's eyebrows rose to his forehead. "I didn't even know she can."

Dido smiled wistfully. "Come on, you don't want to miss that."

**x x x**

Haruka's phone rang when she was just done playing her favorite Mozart piece. She pulled it out and excused herself after checking the caller ID. Closing the door to one of the balconies, Haruka picked up. "Agent Dane."

"_We got her."_

"Excuse me?"

"_Your blackmailer. She is an ex-reporter from Angle-"_

"I don't think Kate-"

"_Kate? No, her name is Chelsea. Her prints came through when she was pulled for a DWI, they're a perfect match from the one we pulled off of the last letter. She confessed to everything in interrogation. I will let you know if we need anything from you for the indictment, but she should not be bothering you or anyone else anymore."_

Haruka processed the information and felt on of the rocks fall off of her shoulders. "Thank you, I appreciate all of your help."

"_No problem. Say hello to my sister."_

"Your sister?" Haruka stared at the phone as the line went dead, then turned her eyes to Dido inside the room.

**x x x**

The remainder of the year was spent in negotiations with the companies that sued Haruka in an attempt to settle out of court. Additionally, she flew to Europe a few times to attend hearings on her conduct in front of the special FIA commission. It all seemed like a whirlwind of meetings, hearings, pointless waiting, and coming back to LA to visit Max.

Max was going through her physical therapy, stubbornly fighting with her body to do what she wanted it to. She could walk with a cane and she convinced her doctors to promise a release in early January.

Haruka's family went back to New York, leaving her in the able hands of Michiru, Anne, Dido, Alan, and Sam. Haruka did not always travel with Michiru and violinist took the opportunity to catch up with her career. She asked Anne to arrange for a few concerts with the local philharmonic orchestra. To her shock, she was informed that the orchestra's schedule was packed, they were in no need of an accompanying violinist and all visiting slots for a lead violinist have been taken. That has never happened before and Michiru knew the exact reason, despite the explanations Anne tried to come up with.

If October was a month of chastising Haruka for hiding her gender, December was a month of discussing their private lives. It started in the middle of the month and for the past week and a half their relationship seemed to be the center of everyone's attention. It was too much controversy for a classical musician.

She sat on the chair, in the dark, her violin by her side, staring into space. The lights that suddenly came on made her blink vigorously. Michiru turned to find Alan entering the living room space. He threw her a sideways glance and went into the kitchen.

"Anything wrong?"

"No."

He returned back with a glass of water and put it on the table, taking a seat on the couch. Alan studied her features for a while before he pulled a wrinkled piece of paper from his pocket. He unfolded it and put it on the table in front of her. "So this isn't the reason why you're sulking in the dark?"

Michiru looked at the rejection letter from the orchestra. "You went through my trash?"

"No, you missed the waste basket when you threw it away. I picked it up and recognized the letterhead." He felt something akin to compassion stir inside. "Michiru, you'll be fine. As soon as the media finds someone else to toy with, everything will go back to normal."

"Alan… do you think Paradigm will ever become what it used to be?"

He did not expect that comeback, but answered truthfully. "No. I think Paradigm is done."

Michiru nodded slowly. "I think I'm done too. I mean maybe not as a solo violinist, but as a classical one, the one who was sought after by every orchestra around the globe… that time is over. Someone else took my spot."

"Don't you find it ironic that we split up because of our careers and now our careers are falling apart at the same time… and the root of that failure is in our divorce?"

She nodded slowly. "I can't believe it's been just a year."

"Me neither." He looked her over. "You've changed a lot in that year though… I don't know if it was me… if I was unable to make you feel the way Haruka does, enough not to care about your career… or if it was you. If you had to go through everything you've been through this year to let your career take a step back."

"I think I grew up in the past year." Michiru admitted. "Although I was just as worried about my career over the summer as I was two years ago. I think it was almost losing Max that changed the way I think of it. What are you going to do?"

Alan sighed. "I have no idea. I'm sure the label will drop us soon. Everyone is doing something else. I think I'll just write. I mean Paradigm was my baby…" He grew quiet at his choice of words and an uncomfortable silence hang in the air before he continued. "I don't think I want to have another band. I'll write for someone else. I'd love to write for a new band, watch them make a name for themselves. I just don't have the setup to do so. You?"

Michiru shrugged. "I'll put the violin in the deepest corner of my closet and wait until life becomes normal again. You know, when Max gets released and I can go home."

"Where's home, Mich?"

"Wherever Haruka is." She looked at him with a guilty expression.

He smiled back genuinely. "Don't worry, I get it, you love her." He got up. "Besides, I hear Di likes to visit Monza, so we'll stop by."

Michiru's head snapped to the side. "You're sleeping with Dido?"

Alan turned. "I'd use the term 'dating' instead."

Michiru let go of her violin and ran up to him, wrapping her arms around his neck. "I'm so happy for you! Really! She's great."

"Yes, I know." Alan patted her on the shoulder and stepped away as Michiru let him go. "We're leaving for Greece for the holidays."

"Wait until Haruka finds out." Michiru's smile spread from ear to ear.

**x x x**

They spent Christmas in LA, Haruka's family rejoining them for the holidays. As a present to the deejay, they convinced the doctors to let Max out for a day. She was confined to a wheelchair, but ecstatic to be outside for the first time in months and for the first time she could remember. Her own family joined the festivities as well. It was the best Christmas Haruka could remember in a long time, despite having to take someone to the hospital right after. New Years was reserved for her and Michiru. It was their anniversary and they were in the city where they met. They spent the whole day together wandering the streets of LA and doing nothing out of the ordinary. In the afternoon as they walked past a jewelry store, Haruka pulled Michiru inside and did something she should have done before she proposed. She bought Michiru a ring. They had a dinner at one of the best restaurants and watched the fireworks at midnight from the comfort of their balcony. Unlike most of the passing year, the last day brought nothing but peace, tranquility and happiness.

The first day of the new year, however, was not any different from anything in the past. Photographs of their innocent date flooded the tabloids. The only difference from those in the past was that Michiru was caught kissing a woman. Not that it was a different woman, it was that everyone could tell she was a woman. Haruka gradually reverted to her old style of tomboyish clothing, only dressing in suits when she went to the meetings and hearings. In the photograph where she was kissing Michiru, she was wearing a navy tank top over a black bra and gray cargo pants. There was no question whatsoever as to who each one of them was or how intimate they were.

Michiru pulled Haruka away from the newsstand as they made their way to the hospital. There was no need to dwell on the subject anymore. They were together and Michiru had a ring on her finger, not just the pictures, to prove it.

**x x x**

Two days later Michiru got the call. They just finished breakfast when her phone rang and she picked it up not checking who the caller was. Her mother's voice pierced through her entire being.

"'_Moshi moshi, Michiru-chan.'"_

"'Okaa-san… moshi moshi.'"

"'_You don't come to visit anymore, you call rarely… does your family mean nothing to you now?'"_

"'Okaa-san, what are you talking about, of course that's not true.'"

"'_Then why do we find out everything from the papers?'"_

"'The papers?'"

"'_The papers, Michiru-chan. For example, the one in front of me shows you being kissed by a woman in broad daylight.'"_

Michiru's mouth dried up completely and she felt a knot forming at the bottom of her stomach. "'Ano…'"

"'_You can explain yourself when you come home, Michiru-chan. Your father is in the hospital. His heart could not handle seeing his only daughter with another woman.'"_

"'Is he okay?'" Michiru felt her panic rising.

"'_He's alive. If you hurry you may still catch him that way.'"_

Michiru stared at her phone as the short rings let her know that her mother hang up. She looked up at Haruka as the first tears rolled down her cheeks. "My father had a heart attack."

**x x x**

_You'd think that something like a magazine story is just an entertainment. In my experience, that sort of entertainment left three people in the hospital and one person dead. An unfair price to occupy someone in a checkout line if you ask me._


	32. CH 31

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Haruka and Michiru's characters, they belong to Naoko Takeuchi. All other characters and this story belong to me. This story is fictional. Any references to real life companies, places and events are weaved into a web of fiction and do not have any connection with reality.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**AN:** I'm thinking this chapter, another one and an epilogue… but you know how I am… utterly confused and occasionally insane. Thanks for reading and all of your reviews!

_**petiyaka: **_I'm sure Max can manage to find herself a girlfriend. I mean she got so many people lining up knowing that she's fictional… imagine if she was real. About writing your future… did you forget that I like to torture characters I like? So, dear friend, I ask you - do you really want that? I think enough is enough. Just get off your ass and go find yourself a girlfriend. Live some for yourself, not your family.

_**TheHuntress: **_Thank you! Yes, I'm going to answer all the questions and take care of all the things (hopefully) in the chapter below and the one to follow.

_**lintolove: **_Glad you liked it :)

_**Mm-Burnt-Toast-mM: **_Oh yes, the parents… their reasoning had to do more with Michiru than Alan or Haruka, so there's hope.

_**ilovemichiru25: **_Hey, how about you tweet attack me in Spanish? Hey, I was that poor girl with a phone in her back pocket two weeks ago! Do you know what it was like reaching down into the bowl and retrieving my poor white iPhone? Too much info? Stop it, the water was clean. It's just the thought of reaching down… well, turns out the phone liked the water just as much as I do. Meaning not at all. So I took on your challenge and not only did I put a clown, an energetic puppy and a hose in this chapter, I put them all in one scene. Don't dare me. I thrive to prove that I can, and if I can't I'll still try to convince you that I can. I'm a ram. That's when I'm not a goddess that is.

_**Tenoh and Kaioh: **_Well you have to wait 'till the end of the chapter to find out who dies. Don't cheat skipping there now!

_**Rukangel: **_You can't safely assume anything! I injure random people and bring others from the dead (Haru?)

_**SeraEris: **_FIA = Fédération Internationale de l'Automobile. I don't speak French, but that's pretty self-explanatory. Don't worry, I won't make Haruka race F1 with one kidney, it's almost the same as making her race unicorns. Though, I'm sure, with enough of specialized training Haruka could do either. Well, because she's Haruka.

_**SHonS: **_Moral of this chapter: don't abandon your parents and don't underestimate them.

_**My Veggie Burger: **_Honest, I didn't even plan on Alan and Di being together, and then it just happened. You know, they were having dinner and there was a spark ;)

_**Mantaray: **_Why thank you, I strive for smooth, even though a lot of times it's about as smooth as Katana's edge. The weather in LA in December/January can be anywhere from 15C to 23C(74ish F). So let's just say it was one of the warmer days. With this heat, who knows, it very well might be that warm for New Year's this year.

_**imjce: **_You're supposed to chew on the spinach Jce, not inhale or sniff it. Come on, Joe? Where'd that come from with such an assurance? I think this story is already at the length of a regular book (not "War and Peace"), so I'm going to tie the loose ends, I'm not going to drag it out. I did that in 'In Drag,' but there the title called for it. Get it? Good. And the sequel to that will occupy you at work into 2011. What can I say, the new title will include 'dragon' - get it? drag on. And no, it has nothing to do with your Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, I started writing sequel before you started writing that story… but now I can't get Michiru tattooed! Damn it! Okay, I wasn't really intending to. I actually set up the sequel in the last few chapters. Why am I blabbering about this when I have a forum for that purpose and twitter? I don't know. You just make me talk non-stop. DRAGONS~!

This chapter is rated **"M" for violence and language. **

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**Chapter 31**

The other occupants of Presidential Suite scurried around as Michiru made her way to the bedroom, closely followed by Haruka.

"Anne, I need you to book me the first available flight to Tokyo." Michiru threw as she noticed her agent.

Haruka signaled for Anne to get two tickets right before she shut the door behind them and watched Michiru pull her suitcase out of the in-bedroom walk-in closet.

"Haruka, I'm sorry, but you can't come with me."

"I beg you pardon?"

"My dad just had a heart attack because he saw a picture of us, we can't just show up at the hospital and kill him."

"Michiru," Haruka pinched the bridge of her nose, "I won't do anything that will make things worse. If it comes to that, I can stay in a hotel, but I am not going to let you go alone."

"I am an adult, I can manage a trip to visit my parents." Michiru threw clothes in her suitcase. Haruka walked past the violinist and pulled her own suitcase, not bothering to respond. As the suitcase landed next to hers, Michiru stopped what she was doing and turned to face her lover. "Did you hear a word of what I said?"

"Loud and clear."

"Then stop packing!"

Haruka threw the pile she held down into the empty cavity. "Would you stop overreacting every god damn time?"

"You have no right to say that, you left Juilliard when your father had a heart attack!"

Breathing out slowly, the racer searched for words. "I was not engaged to anyone at the time. Michiru, people in a relationship are supposed to help each other. I want to help you."

"You're talking like you'd know." Michiru mumbled as she packed more clothing.

Haruka just looked at her without any expression. "Someone with no experience probably knows better than someone who wrecked her own marriage."

Her undivided attention was now directed to the blonde in front of her. "How dare you?"

"How dare I? Michiru, we've been through a lot in the past two months, and I have not snapped at you once. The moment something happens to you, everyone has to search for the nearest bomb shelter. You asked me to let you in, to share with you because you love me… can't you give me as much? You were there when I told my parents about our relationship, let me be there for you when you deal with yours."

"This is different. My father is sick because he saw a picture of us."

"So what are you going to do, huh? Are you going to deny our relationship, say that it was all a hoax?"

"Haruka, don't make this about you."

"No, of course, it always has to be about you." Haruka walked to the door that led to the hallway outside the suite and left the room.

"Shit." Michiru sat on the bed between the two suitcases.

**x x x**

Nothing ever came easy to James Taft. Until he met Amanda Johnson, that is. Soon after she was admitted to the psychiatric ward where James has been working as an orderly for the past twenty years, Amanda approached with the most enticing offer. In exchange for a few pills per night she agreed to fulfill any erotic wish he had. Though it would have proved rather difficult to steal medication of one kind, James found it rather easy to slip a few pills away into his pocket from different patients. Even he did not know what the cocktail he kept feeding Amanda was, but she seemed to like it. At least before she banged her head into the wall.

Everything changed when she came back a month later. She looked at him as though James was not even there. It both offended him and left him dissatisfied. James thought about his new problem for a while, until it dawned on him: all he had to do was get Amanda back in the mood. Therefore, James proceeded to slip some extra pills her way here and there. Amanda did not seem to notice, but James started to notice the change. For one, she was back to sitting in the corner of the room, as opposed to the table she occupied for almost a month. Standing to the side of the community room, James smiled lopsidedly to himself. Soon Amanda would be his again.

**x x x**

The conference room seemed to not have changed at all over the years. The same large table sat in the middle, the same chairs were perfectly lined up to its sides and the same side table held stacks of paper that intentionally made visitors to the conference room nervous. Uncharacteristically, Alan arrived first. Even though they were not told what this meeting was about, he knew what to expect. The calendar pages just rolled into January and Paradigm has been on hiatus since the end of August. He was surprised this meeting did not come sooner.

Alan smiled at his bandmates as one by one they came in, bringing the excited chatter with them. He was relieved to see that none of them felt doomed, not like he did. Rob has shared that he was invited to become a lead guitarist in one of the popular bands, Kyle was doing some modeling, and Mark… Alan looked at Mark. He looked fine, there were no physical signs of abuse, but Mark was good at hiding those. Alan of all people knew that.

"Where's DuBios?"

They all turned to Simon. "Are you kidding?" Alan asked as the man took a seat at the head of the table.

"Do I sound like I'm kidding?" He eyed each of them in turn. "The only reason you're here now instead of September is because the accident boosted your sales. Right now, however, they are at their lowest, so unless Max DuBios is about to join us in the next five minutes and you have a plan to come back to touring next week-"

"Oh enough with the shit already." Mark interrupted. "We've been listening to you for years now, don't you ever get tired of your own voice?" He pulled out a cigarette and lit it up, ignoring Simon's scowl and the fact that smoking was prohibited in the building. "Just get to the point. It's obvious that Max can't go touring any time soon, nor do we know if she'd want to."

"Do you have another drummer in mind?"

"We're not going to do that Simon." Alan answered this time. "We're not going to just throw Max out because she was in an accident, nor are we going to change the lineup for Paradigm again."

"You seem to be awfully content with Paradigm's demise."

"None of us are happy about it, Simon. We simply accept that we're done." He felt his bandmates' eyes on him. They discussed the outcome of this meeting the night before over the phone and came to a consensus. That, of course, did nothing to make Alan feel better. He did not realize how much he cared for the band until he lost it. He felt like a part of himself died with it, but he was not going to show it to anyone. Strangely, he realized now that Michiru was right all along. He did care for his career about as much as she did, he just did not have any other choice but to let go.

"I want you out of the loft by the end of the week."

**x x x**

"Would you like anything to drink?"

Michiru looked up at the flight attendant and shook her head. The gentleman in the seat next to hers was snoring quietly against the side of the plane. Some of the passengers in first class were using their laptops, others quietly discussed business on the phone. Michiru rubbed her slightly swollen eyes, then unbuckled her seatbelt and gracefully maneuvered down the isle. Entering the small restroom, the aquanette looked at her disheveled reflection. There was no makeup on her face, her hair was pulled in a simple braid and Michiru looked like she has been sleeping, which was pretty accurate. She splashed her face with water, relieving some of the swelling from the tears that fell earlier in the flight. Ever since her mother called, nothing seemed to work right. Michiru tried to call back home to find out the details of what happened, but her mother ignored her calls. The fight with Haruka made things only worse and, unfortunately for Michiru, she did feel like it was all her fault. The violinist was not sure if the availability of only one ticket in the first class was a good or a bad thing. When she boarded the plane, she haughtily walked to her seat and stared into space with some determination, savoring being alone. Now, however, she felt like she wanted to be next to her fiancée, feel the warmth and the strength she needed so much.

Michiru left the lavatory and caught the flight attendant from earlier. After the short conversation, she moved the curtain aside and entered coach. Her eyes searched rows upon rows of people, until they stopped on a blonde head that seemed to rest at a very uncomfortable angle. Michiru walked down the isle until she stood directly over her fiancée. She looked at the two men who sat next to Haruka.

"Excuse me, are you traveling together?"

The man by the window shook his head before returning back to his slumber, the one in the middle also shook his head in the negative, lowering his book. Michiru smiled. "Would you mind switching seats with me? You'll travel the rest of the flight in first class… their complimentary drinks are very good."

The man shrugged his shoulders. "Sure."

"Thank you." Michiru gestured to the flight attendant still standing by the curtain. "She'll show you the way."

The man awkwardly made his way over the sleeping blonde before disappearing down the isle. Michiru sighed in content and slipped into the empty seat. She pulled up the armrest that separated the seats, making Haruka stir. Michiru snuggled against her side, hugging the racer by placing an arm on her shoulder across the front.

"I'm sorry, Haruka. You're right. I'm a spoiled brat who doesn't know how to deal with stress."

"Michi?" Haruka opened her sleepy eyes, startled by the unexpected human contact. "What are you doing here?"

"I missed you." Michiru whispered into her neck.

Haruka sighed and relaxed deeper into the seat. "Silly rabbit. The seats in first class are more comfortable." She wrapped an arm around Michiru's waist, pulling her closer.

"I don't care." Michiru smiled as she felt a soft kiss against her head.

**x x x**

The loft in Tribeca has been home to the four original band members for over five years. To Alan, it was more than that. Outside of the loft he could pretend that his marriage never happened, but when he was home, everything reminded him of Michiru. As he walked through the familiar surroundings now, he felt not a touch of nostalgia. He was finally at a point where he wanted nothing more than to put an end to the part of his life that started like a dream come true and ended in total misery. Perhaps that was partially the reason why he did not even fight for Paradigm's existence. As much as it mattered to him, he still felt like the band was connected to his ex-wife and everything that they had or did not have. He saw no other way to put an end to that period of his life other than to start anew.

He had no idea how or where to start, but at least Alan knew that he was not alone. The week he spent in Greece with Dido was the best time he had in years. There were no worries, he felt like someone genuinely cared for him, and he returned the feeling. What attracted him to Dido the most was her brutal honesty. Just like Haruka said, she literally had no filter, Dido always said what she thought, whether you were going to like it or not. After everything he has been through, Alan could not ask for more than someone who was honest. Of course, it did not hurt that he found her attractive, funny, clever, and so on. They both carried a baggage and neither was ready to unload it, but Alan did not intend to rush into anything like he did last time. He wanted to take his time and make sure that he did not fall head over heels for the wrong woman again.

Alan found himself standing in the middle of Mark's bedroom, remembering their bunking days, when his eyes fell on a silver accessory on the bedside table. He picked it up and popped the top open. As expected, there was still a residue of white powder in it. Well, at least that explained the absence of any marks on the singer's body, although Alan still did not understand how Mark could waste all his money on cocaine. He thought that to spend that much, Mark would have had to switch to something stronger.

He was still standing in the room with the shiny object in his hand when the man preoccupying his mind appeared in the doorway.

"You have a fucking annoying habit of going through other people's stuff."

Alan threw the holder at its owner. "That's what people resort to when they are being lied to their face by their friends."

Mark caught it with one hand. "Bullshit Alan. I haven't lied to you."

"Really? You're not using, but there are drugs in your room? Who do you take me for?"

"Those aren't mine."

"Aye, the tooth fairy left them by your pillow." Alan brushed past the singer.

Mark caught his arm. "Alan, those aren't mine. I've been clean since the rehab."

"Mark, it's okay. Paradigm is done, we can go our separate ways, so you can stop making excuses."

"I am not making any fucking excuses!"

"Please, the drugs, the money… enough." Alan pulled his arm out of his friend's grip and walked to the living room.

Mark swore out loud and followed him. "Listen, this isn't mine, it's Kyle's. She left it in my room after we fucked."

Alan's mouth opened in surprise before his jaw set even tighter. "You think I'm going to believe that Kyle is using and you're not?"

"You know what, screw it. Yes, I expect you to believe me when I tell the truth. She's been using ever since she started modeling two months ago. What do you want me to tell you? I tried to stop her, but I'm not the best candidate for that. The money… I haven't spent a cent on drugs in almost a year." Mark walked to his computer bag in the dining room and pulled out a folder. He handed it to Alan. "This is where the money went."

Alan took the folder reluctantly. "What's this?"

"That is our label, Alan."

"Excuse me?" Alan looked up, wondering if he misheard.

"I knew this was going down the drain as soon as your divorce went public. When Simon pulled that little stunt with the interview… well, I decided that it was time. I wanted it to be all set before I told you about it, but in this economy… the financing has been tough, so I had to borrow here and there. Now it's just a matter of finalizing the legalities. It's our own label, Alan. For you and I. So that we don't have to depend on assholes like Simon. So you don't have to be a part of the band, you can produce them, you can write for them, whatever. Hasn't that been your dream?"

Alan felt like he was about to choke. "Why haven't you told me about this? If you intended for this to be ours, I would've pitched in."

"I wanted to prove that I'm not worthless. Ever since I overdosed… everyone treated me like the lesser being. I wanted to redeem myself. Besides, I owe you my life. I thought I'd do something for you in return."

"Mark," Alan closed the folder, "I don't know what to say."

"How about you start by not accusing me of shit anymore?" Mark half-smiled. "And stop going through my things."

**x x x**

The room was dark and stuffy. The window was closed, the drapes pulled apart just a little, allowing the moonlight to illuminate some of the interior. There was a twin bed on one side, a study table with a simple chair on the other. The door to the built-in closet was open, exposing an array of dresses, skirts and tops that threatened to explode out of their containment. Stifled sobs filled the room. She could not see where they were coming from at first, the room was spinning around, but it was empty. Then she saw it. A girl sat in the corner behind the desk. She was wearing a long flannel nightgown, her face buried in her knees as she held the legs to her chest. Her body shook, but the sobs were almost silent now, as though she was afraid that someone would hear.

The images came in flashing at a speed of lightening. Bodies entwined, strong male hands holding slender wrists of a teenager. Those same hands groping savagely on the still forming breasts. Thrusts of hips against the limp body. Over and over again. Through it all she could not feel a thing, but she could see it all in those dark, almost black eyes: pain, terror, disgust. Over and over, with every thrust, with every touch, every time.

Max jerked out of her dream, waking in a sitting position, breathing heavily. She felt tears stream down her cheeks as her mind finally came to grip the reality. It was just a dream, nothing more. She flipped on the lights behind the hospital bed, getting rid of the shadows that loomed in the room. She felt for the girl in her dream, even if she did not connect with her. The emotions in those black eyes haunted her for the rest of the sleepless night.

**x x x**

Of all the birthdays in her life, her fourth stood out the most. All her friends came to the party that was held in her parents' backyard, where a bouncing castle was set up. The entertainment of the day that fascinated all the children was a colorful clown that showed magic tricks and made them laugh. As much as Amanda loved that clown, the first present she got that afternoon overshadowed everything else. When she pulled on the ribbon of the first box, the walls came apart and an overly energized white puppy jumped into her lap. To this day Amanda could remember the joy of holding the small poodle.

She smiled in her sleep as the vivid dream continued, one where she was four again. She opened all of her presents and they had cake, but she no longer cared for her friends or the clown. All she cared about was the little fir ball that ran around the backyard. She chased him around, liking the new game. The puppy ran around the house, away from all the guests. Amanda followed him until she found him hiding behind a bush. She gathered the small animal in her tiny hands and sat down on the grass in her pink princess dress. Tired, they both fell asleep. When she woke up, the puppy was gone. Amanda quickly blinked the sleep away and got to her feet. She called out for him, but he did not even have a name yet. She quickly ran back to the yard, hoping that someone there caught it. Empty cups and paper plates were scattered across the empty green lawn.

"Mommy? Daddy? Puppy?" Amanda walked around, not finding anyone. Only the bouncing castle still stood there, its top swaying lightly in the wind. Amanda walked up to it and climbed inside.

"Puppy?" She tried to walk, but ended up falling to all fours. Giggling, she climbed across the inflated floor towards a patch of white fluff on the other side. Her little hand finally reached the puppy, but it did not move. "Puppy?" Amanda picked it up with both of her hands, dragging the unmoving animal into her lap. It felt like a rag doll and she realized that the puppy was dead. Large tears ran down her face and stained her dress as she hugged the still warm animal to herself.

"A-man-da." A voice called and Amanda turned in its direction. The clown stood in one of the castle openings. It's happy face was suddenly sad, its red lips curving down. "You left me, Amanda. You don't care for me anymore."

She let go of the puppy and shifted backwards, crawling in the opposite direction. Amanda climbed out of the opening and scrambled to her feet.

"A-man-da." The voice chilled her to the bone. She turned and started right up in the clown's face. She tried to run, but the clown caught her foot, making her fall face down. Amanda cried out loud, screaming for help.

"You can't run away from me anymore." The clown said, reaching for the hose that inflated the castle and pulling its end out of the compressor. "Not after what you did."

As the hose wound tight around her neck, the clown's face dissipated and Max's appeared in front of her instead. "Amanda, you can't run away from me anymore. Not after what you did."

Amanda woke up with a scream. She held a hand to her throat, making sure that the suffocating feeling was just a part of the dream. Shaking off the nightmare Amanda laid back down. "I hate clowns."

**x x x**

The drive up to the inn was quiet. The rental climbed up the side of the mountain, carrying the exhausted racer and her equally exhausted fiancée towards the unknown.

"I'll drop you off first, then see if I can get a room somewhere in town." Haruka said as she started to vaguely recognize her surroundings.

Michiru shook her head. "The best inn is where we're going. There's only one other one in town and I'd rather you stayed close."

"I thought you didn't want to make things worse."

"I don't. I can't reach my mother, which means that she's probably at the hospital with him. I'll go there alone, you can stay at the inn while I talk to them."

"Now why couldn't you come up with that plan from the get go?"

Michiru sighed. "Apparently I need time to think clearly."

"Apparently." Haruka smiled at her, indicating that she did not hold any of it against Michiru.

"This reminds me of when we went to visit your family."

"What, the anticipation is eating you up just as much?"

"No, the ride is just as long." Michiru half-smiled. "I can't think about it anymore. Whatever happens, happens."

"How traditional are your parents?"

"I don't know. I've always thought that they are the epitome of a traditional family, up until they told me that everybody makes their own fate and sent me off to Juilliard. Then when they practically disowned me because of my marriage, my view changed again. I have no idea what's coming."

"Whatever it is, I'll be with you." Haruka took Michiru's hand in her own.

**x x x**

Max studied her father. Something in him reminded her of the man in the nightmare, but it was too distant, too remote at this point. She shook it off and returned to the conversation at hand.

"...like you to come home with us." Her mother was saying.

"Don't I live in New York?"

Her parents looked at each other briefly. "Yes, but we'd like you to come home while you recuperate… or for however long you want to stay."

Max shook her head. "I'm sorry… but I don't want to be a burden… and I really think it will be better for me to try and return to normal life."

"You can't play drums for a while, Max."

"I know, but that's not what I was intending. I think I just want to be a deejay. I've talked to a lot of my fans online in the past few weeks and it seems like a lot of people really like what I do. Why not just do that? I'm enjoying it."

"What about the band?"

"I think they're moving on as it is."

"But drums… you've always connected with them…" Her father's words died away.

"I'm sorry." Max said again quietly. "But I can't connect with a lot of things in my past and I think it's best to build a future from here, not try to dwell on failures."

Her mother forced a smile. "You've always been so mature for your age." As she stroked her head, Max wondered what she meant.

**x x x**

Time seemed to stand still every time Michiru came home. At least when it came to her surroundings. Nothing about the inn changed: it did not get any renovations, but it was kept in a good shape, not showing any signs of deterioration. Haruka parked the car to the side of the gravel road and they both got out. Leaving their suitcases in the car, they made their way to the main entrance. The door opened before they reached it and Michiru's mother stood in the opening.

Michiru froze momentarily, caught completely off-guard. "'Okaa-san… you didn't answer my calls.'"

Her mother eyed the two without any expression. "'I wanted you to know what it feels like.'"

Michiru felt her face grow warm. "'I'm sorry.'" She bowed her head in shame.

The older woman stepped out and gave Haruka a welcoming bow. The blonde returned it, still trying to gage the woman's reaction. Hinato Kaioh was a petite woman, a little shorter than her daughter, but of the same body type. Her long aqua hair streaked with silver was pulled into a tight braid, making the resemblance even more obvious. Hinato took a few steps forward and put a hand on her child's still bowing head.

"'You should be ashamed of yourself, but you haven't done anything that can't be changed in the future.'" She removed her hand, allowing Michiru to stand straight again. "'Your father is in the bedroom.'"

Michiru swallowed the lump in her throat. "'He's home?'"

"'You know your father, he hates hospitals. Otaka-san is taking care of him at home, the last thing I want is for him to get another stroke because of his stubbornness.'"

"'I thought he had a heart attack.'"

"'I never said so. He suffered a stroke, he has been under a lot of stress in the past year. We all have.'" Hinato gave Haruka a fleeting look. "'Come on, it has been entirely too long since he last seen you, Michiru-chan. You haven't visited since your birthday.'"

Michiru felt torn between apologizing again and asking what she was supposed to do with Haruka. She looked at the racer in thought as her mother turned to go.

"'She may come in as well.'"

Michiru looked up to her mother's back, afraid to ask any more questions. They both followed Hinato inside the inn, through the narrow hallways, one of which Haruka remembered as her escape route on Michiru's last visit. Hinato slid one of the doors open and a middle-aged woman dressed in a beige yakata exited the room, bowing to them on her way out. Michiru felt her mouth completely dry up as she saw her father laying on the low bed. Even in the dim lighting she could see how gray his skin was, how many wrinkles that have not been there before decorated his body. She kneeled on a pillow to the side of his bed.

"'Otou-san.'" She bowed her head until it touched the wood of the bed and stayed there, waiting for his action.

Haruka stepped inside the room and felt more than saw Hinato close the door behind her. The older woman walked to the other side of the bed and sat down on the pillow there, making Haruka feel completely out of place. As she towered over the three people in the room, the blonde considered for the first time that maybe it would have been better if she stayed behind. She felt like she was invading.

Her eyes connected with the sapphires of Isao Kaioh. She expected to see disgust, anger, or any other negative emotion she has seen in the past few months, ever since people found out she was a woman. She was quickly getting used to all kinds of reactions from people. Isao, however, gave her none. Much like his wife, he remained indifferent when he looked at her, and she knew that both Kaiohs were well versed in hiding their feelings. What Isao's eyes were good at, though, was relaying to Haruka that she needed to sit down. She found another pillow almost at the foot of the bed and kneeled down on it, sitting in the same style the other two women were.

Satisfied, Isao put a hand on Michiru's head, much like Hinato did earlier. "'You should never forget your parents, child. We had no right to oust you, nor have you right to ignore us.'"

"'You're right. I just… I was afraid you would judge me.'"

"'We told you that all we want is for you to be happy.'"

"'Hina.'" Isao silenced his wife. "'We have every right to judge you. You chose to marry against our wish only to shame this family with a divorce. It's not the mere knowledge of the divorce that upsets me, it's the fact that your personal life is now a circus.'" He took a few shallow breaths before continuing. No one dared to interrupt him. "'When you left this house to pursue a dream, I couldn't even imagine that it would turn you into one of them…'"

Haruka looked up at the man after his choice of words, wondering what he meant by 'them.' She was expecting Isao to be looking at her, but he was not. He was looking at Michiru.

"'You have always been able to separate what is important from the rest of gibberish the life brings, Michiru-chan. Now I feel like I don't know you anymore. Ever since you left, I feel like you have become one of those people that make their decisions rashly, get what they want and move on to the next. The daughter I know always remembered what is more important. What is most important to you now, Michiru-chan?'"

She could hear the pounding of her own blood as it circulated through her body, the silence was that deafening. Her hands lay folded on top of her knees, she did not dare to bring them up to wipe the tears away, nor did she want to look up at her father. "'People are most important to me, otou-san.'"

"'Good. You have forgotten that, Michiru-chan. When you did not fight for your marriage, you cared for the wrong things. I am glad to see that it's not how you feel anymore.'" His eyes finally settled on Haruka. "'I assume it's because of her?'"

Michiru stiffened, sensing that the subject she dreaded was looming overhead. "'Her and everything that has happened in the past year.'"

"'How long have you known each other?'"

"'A year.'"

"'So everything is tied to her.'"

Michiru thought about it for a long while. If she did not meet Haruka, would she reconcile with Alan? When he came back to her life a year ago, she probably would not have had the same determination if she did not have Haruka. Sure she did not leave him because of her, but she may have been less resistant when she felt all alone in the world and Alan was the only person to turn back to. Whether that would have worked or not was a different story. The fact remained that there was a possibility that the divorce would not have happened. If the divorce did not happen, the article would have never come out and the chain of events that took place may not have been there. They all may have been in a different place today.

"'Haruka gave me courage to make the right decisions in the past year.'"

"'Do you love her?'"

Michiru looked up for the first time. Her father's intent eyes were almost too much to handle. "'I do.'"

He looked down to her hands. "'As much as you loved Alan-kun when he placed a ring on your finger?'"

Michiru bit the inside of her mouth, chastising herself for not removing the engagement ring. "'My love for them is different otou-san. I fought to marry Alan, I never fought to be with him… I will fight for being with Haruka, no matter the circumstances.'"

"'And does she reciprocate?'"

"'I do.'"

All three heads turned to the blonde at the foot of the bed. Michiru bit her tongue, allowing her father to finish his interrogation.

Haruka looked at each of the elder Kaiohs in turn. "'I have never felt about anyone the way I feel about your daughter. The connection we share… I have only had one that came close and it was with my late sister. I can tell that family means a lot to all of you, it is just the same with me and my parents. Having each other comes first, before everything else. At this stage, I don't actually have anything other than the people I love.'"

Isao nodded his head once before turning to his wife. "'Hina?'"

"'You will stay for as long as you can. We missed you Michi-chan and we would like to spend some time with Haruka-san. We try not to pay attention to the outside world, but it is hard to keep it behind the gates when it's our only connection to you. You shall stay and make amends.'" She stood up. "'Now go get your luggage.'"

They both got up and bowed again, not wanting to say anything out of turn. Michiru slid the door open and let Haruka pass.

"'And Michi-chan,'" Her mother's voice gained a little melodic quality to it, "'you will stay in your room, I don't want any sneaking around at my inn again.'"

Turning beet-red, Michiru bowed again and quickly stepped out into the hallway, closing the door behind her. She turned to the nearest exit and dragged Haruka by the sleeve. Once they were outside, she turned to her fiancée.

"Why didn't you tell me you speak Japanese?"

"You never asked."

"Are you kidding me? How was I supposed to know? You said you were adopted as a child!"

"That doesn't mean that I didn't learn the language later. My dad was adamant about it, he wanted me to maintain something about my heritage."

Michiru did not know if she should kiss the blonde or smack her. The bottled up emotions she could not unleash inside the room poured out in a half-angry tirade. "This whole thing could've been so much easier if you told me that you speak Japanese from the get go! But no, you had to do your stupid riding the horse thing and throw it out when no one expected you -"

Haruka grabbed Michiru's arm and silenced her ranting the best way she knew how. Her forceful lips fought for an entry and gained it, taking full possession of the mouth she now knew as well as she did her own. When they parted, running out of breath, Haruka set her forehead against Michiru's.

"Hey, you should be happy. They took it pretty well."

"Surprisingly." Michiru smiled.

**x x x**

_I think the most important lesson we both learned because of the media scandal is that what matters most is your family. Your friends. People who love you unconditionally, no matter who you are or what you did. The fact of the matter is, sometimes you don't even know that there are people like that around you. Not until something bad happens._

**x x x**

They spent two weeks in Japan, helping around the inn and making amends with Michiru's parents. Her father was still bedridden when they left, but some color returned to his face and it made Michiru feel a little better about leaving. She would not have left at all, if it was not for Max's release from the hospital. The couple flew to Los Angeles and then to New York with Max and her parents. They have contemplated releasing Sam, who has been given a personal leave while they were in Japan, permanently, but the media stir Max's release caused made them rethink that. They decided to keep him until both Haruka and Michiru fell off of the face of media's radar.

**x x x**

The news of Max's recovery and release from the hospital reached even the depths of the psychiatric ward. In horror, Amanda watched the woman walk out with nothing but a cane and wave at the cameras with that self-confident smirk on a small TV in the nurses' corner. She knew what that smirk meant. Max was coming for her.

For the last few weeks she has been having nightmares where pieces of her past were intertwined with sick possibilities of the future. Her tired mind could no longer tell what really did happen and what could happen. A week and a half ago the voices have returned. She lay in bed, curled up in a fetal position, willing them away. As always, they did not listen. The door to her room opened and she raised her head, feeling the familiar anticipation. There was silence at the end of the day waiting for her, as soon as she took those pills.

Amanda let the man climb in bed with her, parting the sides of her night shirt. His hands groped at her body before they reached her pants and lowered them, parting her legs. He inserted himself and started grinding his hips, his heavy weight pressing her into the mattress. As always, Amanda tried to picture something nice. She pretended that someone else was on top of her. The fantasy came to a screeching halt when she felt his hand slide away from her chest and toward her neck as he repositioned himself. The suffocating feeling brought a very different image to her mind. Now it was not the orderly on top of her, it was Max. Max was finally there, she came to take her revenge. The smirk played at her lips as her body rocked on top of Amanda's.

Feeling nothing but the grips of pure animal fear, Amanda struggled to get out from underneath the bigger body. Finally she succeeded, throwing who she thought to be Max to the floor. Amanda quickly got off the bed and tipped the empty nightstand over the figure that was scrambling back to its feet. The impact was not nearly what she was hoping for. The figure stood up tall next to her, grunting and swaying slightly. It sounded like a growl, the one animals make before they launch at their victim. Instinctively Amanda dashed for the door.

"What are you doing, you stupid bitch?"

Amanda's hand was lingering over the door handle when her other arm was caught by the other occupant of the room and she felt the hard yank. Her body went flying backwards, past the looming figure of Max and all the way down to the floor. The last realization before her head hit the overturned nightstand was that Max won.


	33. CH 32

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Haruka and Michiru's characters, they belong to Naoko Takeuchi. All other characters and this story belong to me. This story is fictional. Any references to real life companies, places and events are weaved into a web of fiction and do not have any connection with reality.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**AN:** Okay, so this chapter, chapter 33 and then epilogue. I promise. I also don't feel like responding to the reviews… I'm too tired… sorry. I do, however, appreciate that you review and I'd love to know what you think about this chapter as well.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**Chapter 32**

The moon reflected in the surface of the building next door and cast shadows through the living room. She lay on her back, her eyes wide open, the futon underneath her emphasizing every aching spot in her body. It was her second night back home and she recognized the surroundings, but felt like she was a visiting a set of a movie she has seen before. Everything seemed familiar, but not belonging to her. Max fought for her independence, for the chance to be where she was right now very hard. Hardly four and a half months have passed since the accident and her body was nowhere near normal, but she pretended like it was. Walking with just a cane was extremely painful and it drained all of her energy, but she tried not to show it to those who cared. She wanted them to stop worrying about her, she felt guilty for pausing their lives as it was.

With extreme care she sat up and immediately felt the discomfort in her hip. Gritting her teeth, Max got up and limped to the kitchen with the help of her cane. The doctors told her it would take upwards of six months to fully recover, both from the hip surgery and the kidney transplant. Max had no intention of being bedridden for another six months. Especially not when even sleep did not bring any relief. She opened the plastic case on the counter and looked at the assortment of pills. Picking a handful, she checked the clock again and dropped them in her mouth, followed by a glass of water.

"What are you doing up?"

She turned her head to the aquanette in the living room. "Taking my anti-rejection meds."

"In the middle of the night?"

Max smiled. "I need to set an alarm to remind myself to do it on time."

Michiru nodded. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine."

The violinist watched as her friend slowly walked back to the futon. "You should've let us use it and stayed in bed."

Max looked up at her. "You're my guests."

Michiru smiled wistfully. "You haven't changed at all, Max. I know you don't remember it, but you haven't."

She laid back down, her eyes never leaving the violinist's. "I guess that's a good thing."

"It is." Michiru walked up to her. "Turn around."

"What?"

"You can't be comfortable on that thing."

Max slowly turned around and stiffened as hands touched her back lightly. She relaxed after a while as Michiru gently worked around her back, making sure not to apply too much pressure to the sore areas. It was not just the futon that did not let her sleep. Not the medication either. Max kept having strange dreams. They did not really have a story line, they were fragmented, composed of flashes of images. The emotion she felt when she woke up and remembered them was the same one someone gets after they watch a movie. Some dreams brought sadness, others brought happiness, some were just outright disturbing. Max had a suspicion that the flashes could be some of the fragmented memories, but the fact that she still could not relate to them scared her so much that she did not even want to bring them up. She realized that even if she remembered everything that has happened to her in the past, she would not relate to it. The foreignness of her own apartment was indicator enough.

"Am I missing the pajama party?"

Max felt the hands on her back pause momentarily before they returned to what they were doing.

Haruka squatted next to Max's head and looked at her relaxed features. "How are you feeling?"

"Like you're hovering. Both of you."

"You don't seem to be minding." Haruka observed.

"I'm a good actress. Besides, you two don't know the meaning of the word 'no' when it comes to a lot of things."

The hands on her back stilled again for a moment before working on a knot in her shoulder.

**x x x**

The sound of a doorbell seemed very distant, bringing him out of the confines of his dream slowly. He blinked a few times before realizing that someone indeed was ringing a bell. Joe threw the sheets aside and walked to the front door. On the other side stood two uniformed officers. The remnants of sleep disappeared as Joe wondered what police was doing at his house in the middle of the night. To the best of his knowledge the investigation into Max's accident was closed, but one never knew when something hidden could come up. Joe wondered if he was in trouble.

"Can I help you?"

"Joel DiCallo?"

"Yes."

"I'm very sorry, sir, there has been an accident…"

He did not hear the rest. Everything around him disappeared as he had the worst deja vu of his life. He no longer saw the policemen in front of him, all he saw were blue loving eyes, long blonde hair and those smiles he would give everything to see again.

He was still in shock when he was brought to the morgue. She looked so serene, like she was doing nothing more than getting nothing more than her beauty sleep. Only the pale gray shade of her skin and her blue lips indicated that Amanda was not sleeping. Joe stood there, absentmindedly caressing the hand he held with his thumb. His tears fell down to the crisp white sheet and stained it, he did not notice. He did not know how much time has passed when the technician came in and put a hand on his shoulder. Joe nodded, then leaned down and placed the last kiss on her cold lips.

He declined the officers' offer to drive him back home. Instead, he walked out on the street and turned, not caring where feet would bring him. There was nothing left for him in this life. Nothing and no one. It was all too much to bear. Joe never considered himself a weak human being, but this was the first time he wondered how people took their lives. He has never owned a gun and the prospect of cutting himself did not appeal to him. Overmedicating held the possibility of surviving and suffering even more afterward. He stopped, realizing that he was standing on a bridge over the highway. Looking down at the passing vehicles he snorted at the irony of life. He spent the past ten years managing racers when cars seemed to be his nemesis.

The phone rang in the large pocket of his hoodie. There was no one left in the world Joe wanted to talk to. Not now. The ringing stopped, but started again almost immediately. Joe grabbed his cell, fully intending to throw it down to the pavement below the bridge. The name on the caller ID made him pause. As the phone started to ring for the third time, Joe pressed the button and slowly brought it to his ear.

"Where are you?"

"I don't want to talk right now."

"Tough. Where are you Joel?"

After a long pause he gave her the address without any enthusiasm.

"Don't go anywhere."

Joe hang up the phone, putting it back in his pocket and leaning on the rail. He watched the passing traffic as more tears fell down.

**x x x**

"_Daddy, daddy, did you hear, Molly is taking me to the zoo!"_

_Her blonde hair was styled in two braids, her blue eyes shined with excitement. He caught her in his arms and picked her up. "Really? The zoo? Sounds great. Who do you want to see the most?"_

"_The monkeys! They're funny. Will you come with us, daddy?"_

"_Sorry, pumpkin, daddy has to work." He looked at her momentarily saddened blues. "But we can go to the park when you get back, how's that?"_

"_Okay."_

_He sat her down and watched the governess put a coat on her small frame. The smile she gave him right before disappearing behind the door was the last he saw._

He absentmindedly rolled the glass between the palms of his hands.

"You're thinking about her again."

Joe looked up, his dull eyes empty. "What have I ever done to deserve this, Anne?"

She sipped on her own whiskey. "Nothing, Joel. It's not punishment, it's just life."

"Really?" He looked down at his drink. "I finally felt like I could love someone again, like we could have a future together. Like we could be happy. Now she's gone. What is this if not punishment?"

Anne stretched her feet out on the coffee table between them. They sat in her hotel room, she did not want Joe to be anywhere near the house that brought nothing but memories for him now. "She wasn't the right one."

For the first time emotion other than pain surfaced on his face. "Don't you dare mar her memory."

Anne shrugged. "Why would I do that?" She had no intention of telling him about Amanda's indiscretions. Anne did not believe that hating the dead was any better than savoring the good memories about them.

Joe snorted. "Jealousy?"

"Don't be silly. I didn't have anything against your relationship with Amanda. On the contrary, I'm glad you finally moved on."

His scowl dissipated as Joe gulped down his drink. "Well that proved useless, didn't it?"

"Give it some time to think clearly again. Your life didn't end with hers."

"Really? What do I have to live for?" Joe really wanted someone to have an answer for him.

Anne leaned over the table and refilled his glass. "Yourself. I'm sure Amanda wouldn't want you to stop living just because she's not here anymore. You can still make amends or you can build new relationships."

"If only it was just Amanda." Joe whispered.

Anne leaned back, taking large sips that burned her throat. "Joel… Liz has been dead for twelve years. We laid her to rest, we laid her memory to rest… don't bring all of that back."

"I just keep thinking… what if I didn't travel with Haruka so much, what if I could help Amanda early on? What if I noticed that there was something wrong before she gave that interview? What if I was there when Max came? What if I went to the zoo with Liz?"

"Nothing would have changed." She blinked away the moisture in her eyes. "It was meant to happen, it would just happen differently."

"When did you start believing in fate?"

"When I realized that my client was sleeping with your client." Anne looked at his tired features. For the first time in years he really looked his age. The past four months have taken toll on him. "Joel, we were too young to handle Liz's death any differently than we did. Don't make the same mistake. You still have people in your life who care. Don't put them through what you're feeling now. None of us want to lose you."

He looked in her eyes like he has not done in years. He really did not know she still cared as much as her eyes told him she did. He slowly nodded his head, wondering if she knew how close she came to his intentions with that last piece of advice. "I'll have to tell her family… make the arrangements."

"I'll take care of that." Anne assured. "You just take care of yourself."

He nodded again. In his worst nightmare Joe could not have dreamt his ex-wife planning his fiancée's funeral.

**x x x**

Max watched Haruka and Michiru finish packing their suitcases. Hers already stood by the door. She digested on the piece of her past she was not told of until today and finally formed the question the best she could.

"So Amanda and I used to date." She watched Michiru nod once. "And then she tried to kill me." The couple nodded almost simultaneously. "Okay, why do I have to go to her funeral?"

"To make sure she's dead." Michiru closed her suitcase and turned to Max. "I guess life really does come full circle."

Max looked at her unsurely. "I'm not sure I'd want to be there if I remembered everything. Especially since I was inadvertently one of the causes of her death."

"No, you weren't." Haruka straightened out. "Amanda made the bed in which she slept, but it is still appropriate to show respect."

Max nodded in silence. The images of Amanda that played on television the whole day and the history she did not know of before only reaffirmed her assumptions of what her strange dreams meant. Amanda Johnson was in those dreams.

**x x x**

The small private funeral was held at the cemetery where Amanda's predecessors have been buried. Her parents stood at the front. They did not shed any tears; their daughter's behavior severed their relationship a long time ago. Joe stood next to Anne, her arm wrapped around his waist in firm support. He did not cry anymore, just looked at the casket with solemn expression, trying not to mix the past into the present. The light caress of the familiar hand on his side felt odd and reassuring at the same time. As the first shovel of dirt hit the top of the casket, he wrapped his own arm around Anne's waist and kissed the top of her head. He could never thank her with words the way he just did without.

Michiru, Max and Haruka stood on the other side of the grave, Sam behind them. Michiru remembered the times when Amanda and her were friends and felt unexpected tears fall down her cheeks, despite everything that happened since. She may have been harsh with her words and reaction to Amanda's death, but deep inside she never wanted for any of this to happen. She wanted Amanda to be happy and definitely did not wish her this terrible death. Max was also remembering the past, but unlike Michiru she did not feel any emotions connected with it. She felt confused more than anything. Haruka felt sorry for Joe. He seemed to be utterly broken, despite his front. She sensed something between Anne and Joe she was not aware of and was happy that Joe had at least someone by his side. She knew what it was like to lose a loved one and she did not wish that experience on anyone. Whether they have hurt her personally or not.

Alan, Mark and Rob stood to the side, paying their respects to someone they spent a number of years with. None of them felt as deeply moved by Amanda's death as Michiru, but being there was the least they felt they each owed to the once happy and outgoing blonde.

There were others there, people that came across Amanda in their professional life and felt it necessary to at least show their faces for the media outside. They provided a much needed buffer to those who knew Amanda personally.

The first drop of rain fell from the sky, followed by a downpour that silenced the sound of the shovels piling up the rest of the dirt. Black umbrellas filled the area immediately surrounding the newest plot, slowly disappearing in different directions as people found refuge in their cars and limousines. Soon only one umbrella remained, the two people underneath still holding each other in half-embrace. Neither of them was thinking of Amanda anymore. They both remembered a similar rainy day in another country twelve years ago, when they buried their daughter.

**x x x**

The smell of freshly baked pizza filled the room, oddly reminding most of them of a day over six years ago when Paradigm was formed. Though they sat in an authentic Italian restaurant, one as distant from the cheap pizza place as the city they were in was distant from New York, they all wished they could go back to that day and change at least something.

"How is Di?" Haruka broke the silence.

Alan looked up, shaking off his reverie. "Good. Working as always. She should be coming by New York this weekend."

"What are you going to do now?" Michiru asked all of them at the same time and no one in particular.

"Mark and I are working on launching our label. We're looking for a space, then we'll be looking for talent." Alan took the first piece of steaming hot pizza.

"I can be your first artist." Max offered. "I want to do an album."

Mark looked up at her in surprise. "You're successful enough as a deejay to get paid really well for that first CD."

She shrugged. "I don't care. It's something I want to do for my fans more so than myself. I'm not going to do any live sets for a while, it's the least I can do."

"Are you sure you want to take up on that task with a label that's brand new?" Alan asked carefully.

"Everything is brand new to me, Alan. I'd like to do it with people I can at least trust."

"Fair enough." Alan smiled. Producing Max's record would be easy with her popularity and he appreciated the boost it would give his new label. He just wanted to make sure she was not getting the short end of the stick.

"When is your band starting touring?"

Rob turned to Mark. "In another two weeks. We have a lot of practice to do before then."

"I bet. Are you at least having fun?"

"It feels good to be back, so to speak." Rob smiled.

"What about you two?" Alan looked at the engaged couple.

Haruka shrugged. "My fight is not over yet. I'm meeting with my lawyers on Monday, so back to New York for now, then we'll see."

**x x x**

Dark wood panels made the office feel like it was part of an old library. Leather furnishings seemed to fit the style of the room, filling it with the air of importance. Earlier in her life Haruka would have felt intimidated by it, now she just felt suffocated. She wanted to get out the minute she walked in, almost feeling that no good news were delivered in the office. She felt Michiru squeeze her hand in support and forced a smile.

The door opened and a man whose hair was sprinkled with just the right amount of salt to make him look authoritative walked in, followed by the middle-aged attorney that came to Los Angeles earlier. After the initial greetings, the older gentleman got straight to the point.

"The FIA has completed its investigation and our sources tell us that they are going to side with you."

Michiru sighed out loud, Haruka did not show any relief. "But?"

"But Ferrari embarrassed itself when they announced that you will be made example of in a press conference. They know of the report and they contacted us with a settlement offer."

"So they are putting the tail between their legs because they know they were wrong. Why would Haruka settle now?" Michiru wondered out loud.

"For one, they will try to get to you with the lawsuit if you don't."

"I thought you said they didn't have anything to go on." Haruka reminded.

The younger attorney pitched in. "That's still true. The problem is all of your evidence is circumstantial. It's your word and the word of your agent versus their word. You say you disclosed your gender and were threatened, they say you never did. It's all hearsay. Ferrari will never win this lawsuit and they know it. That's not their objective. They will drag it out for as long as they can and they will keep you in the public eye through the whole process." He pointed to a large stack of papers. "Those are just subpoenas and deposition notices. I know it's not common in this profession, but we really aren't looking forward to you getting legal expenses for years to come. They will wait until you are exhausted by the spotlight, running low on cash and too controversial for anyone to give you a job, then they will drop it. It's up to you whether you want to go through all that."

"What do they want?" Haruka asked quietly. She was too tired already. She wanted to put the past behind and start anew. She had the woman she loved by her side, she had friends and she had family. Surely she would be able to start anew.

"They want you to sign an agreement to never take place in another Formula One race."

Haruka's head snapped to the older attorney. "The FIA wouldn't agree with them so they want me to voluntarily give up?"

"Exactly."

"That's bullshit. It's too high of a price for their pride."

"It's not just their pride. They know that the minute FIA clears you, one of their competitors may snatch you and make you into a hero again."

"So why not just do that?" Michiru asked, outraged.

"Because then I will never get out of the web of corporate intrigues." Haruka realized suddenly. She could clearly see now the possibility of returning to her favorite sport, but the prospect of always having to fight for her rightful spot there no longer seemed appealing. She closed her eyes, putting all of her deeper feelings away and restoring her calm. "If they make it all go away… if they never bring up my name again, I will agree to never race Formula One."

**x x x**

It was the last hotel room, at least for a while. They sat around the sitting room, searching for parting remarks. Words just seemed not to come to them.

"I for one never liked this part, so if you don't mind, I'd like to just get through it." Sam spoke.

Michiru nodded. "Thank you for everything, Sam. I will miss you."

He gave her a rare smile. "I'll miss both of you as well." He stood up and extended his hand, shaking each of theirs. "Best of luck to you."

Haruka and Michiru smiled. "You as well." They watched him leave the hotel room, holding the envelope with a bonus they felt he deserved. Once the door closed, Michiru leaned into Haruka. "It will feel weird not to have a shadow."

"I'm not going anywhere." Haruka smiled down at her.

"Are you sure you don't need an agent anymore?" Anne crossed her legs, relaxing into the chair she occupied.

"Anne, I can't afford you when I don't have any professional engagements."

"I'm sure we can fix that. Let's do another album."

Michiru shook her head. "I need a break. My father is still sick, I want to spend time with my family, Haruka and her family. Maybe one day… Max needs an agent."

"I only do classical music, Michiru."

"I know, I was just trying to make a suggestion."

Anne smiled. "I appreciate it, but it's not lack of potential clients that bothers me, it's parting with you."

Michiru remained silent, touched by the words of a woman that has become so much more than her agent. Haruka spoke up instead. "How is Joe?"

Anne's smile faded. "He's okay."

"Is he still in LA?"

"No… he put the house up for sale the day after the funeral. He's with his family."

"I didn't know he had any." Haruka confessed.

Anne smiled wryly. "We all have a tendency to make those closest to us suffer the most when we suffer. He had a very rocky relationship with his family for a while. I think seeing Amanda's family so indifferent to her death made him realize something."

"Where is his family?"

"London."

Haruka locked her eyes with the other pair of grays in the room for a long moment. "What's the history between you two?"

Anne shrugged. "It's just that… history."

"Are you going back home?" Michiru asked.

"Yes. I'm leaving tonight. What about you two?"

"Going back to Monza for a little while. Putting the past behind and living the present." Haruka hugged her fiancée closer, feeling the reassuring warmth that has supported her for the past year. No matter who they parted with, no matter where life took them, at least she knew Michiru would be there with her.

**x x x**

_Monza, Italy_

_A year later_

The tires hummed against the pavement, joining the engine in its off-tune song. As the car turned the corner, the large house came into view, but it was not its sight that made her heart skip a beat. It was the 'for sale' sign in front of it. The taxi stopped in the driveway and she paid her fare, asking the driver to wait for her signal before he left. She walked up to the front door. Her high heels made a clicking noise on the stucco tile of the steps. She felt overdressed for the occasion, even her perfectly styled long brown hair seemed out of place. Taking a deep breath and counting to ten, she pressed the doorbell and hoped that the owners of the house still occupied it. It seemed like an eternity before the door opened and then almost closed in her face. She stuck her hand in the opening, disregarding the very real possibility of her hand suffering damage. The door stopped before squeezing her flesh and she slowly pushed it open, gulping down as she for the second time looked in those cold grays. She heard the taxi pull out of the driveway behind her, there was no quick escape anymore. Taking another deep breath, she turned to the intimidating blonde and an indifferent aquanette by her side.


	34. CH 33

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Haruka and Michiru's characters, they belong to Naoko Takeuchi. All other characters and this story belong to me. This story is fictional. Any references to real life companies, places and events are weaved into a web of fiction and do not have any connection with reality.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**Chapter 33**

_My name is Kaioh Michiru. That day, the year I turned eighteen years old and touched ground in New York City, I started a new journey. One that has brought me here._

_I was born in a small town in the mountains of Japan. My life has never been anything special. My parents owned an inn and were well off, at least where they lived. Myself, I always had a dream. I've always dreamt of freedom. You may laugh, say that being raised in a loving family, perhaps even spoiled, having anything I wanted, I have all the freedom one may wish for… but I've never felt that way. Back in the small town my future was already written for me. I was the only child of two parents who took care of a family business, and it was presumed that I would do the same. I did not have many friends, people somehow have always found me cold and distant… I guess in a bigger town they would call it snobbish. But that's not how I was. It's the opposite. I wanted to be friendly and outgoing, have a lot of friends, be popular with them… but in reality, I was too shy, too afraid to make that first step. So I kept dreaming about it and hoping that one day it would change._

_I started to play the violin when all of my other classmates picked guitars, drums, keyboards, or plain singing. I liked that it made me different, I just did not realize that it would only worsen my social life and make me an outcast. Too bad I fell in love with the instrument then. Too bad for them._

_I was twelve. For six years I have been practicing, studying, spending every moment of my free time making myself worthy of something. But to be completely honest, I spent all that time playing the violin because there was nothing else to do. I went to school, I helped around the inn, and I played the violin. I had no friends and no interests._

_I don't know if it was the sound of my violin or the realization that I was playing it so obsessively that made my parents question me about what I wanted to do with my life. I did not realize I had a choice until they asked. I've always thought that my fate has been decided. When I told my mother that, she laughed and said that people decide their fate themselves._

_After an agonizing month, I decided that all I had was the violin and I truly loved it. If people truly make their own fate, then I wanted to be a musician. I wanted to be on the largest stage in Japan, performing live for my family in the front row and all those people that casted me out. I wanted them to see me there, whether to be proud or envious. That was my fate._

"What do you think so far?"

She turned away from the now black screen and to the woman in front of her. "Not bad."

"We're still editing your piece. Hopefully it will be done by the end of the day, that way you can watch it before leaving."

Haruka nodded, turning back to face the cameras. She sat on a love seat, Michiru next to her. Violinist's long legs were crossed elegantly, her black pencil skirt just reaching her knees. She wore a white comfortable cowl-neck sweater and minimal jewelry. The engagement ring on her finger drew most of the attention. Her face had just enough makeup to accentuate her features in front of the cameras, her hair was straightened and pulled up in a classic chignon. Haruka herself had make up on, something she resisted, until her mother walked in. The excitement the older woman got from seeing her daughter made up and in female clothing made Haruka's suffering worth while. She was still wearing pants, but instead of less formfitting styles she was used to, she wore the 'producer' fitted ones. Her simple black sweater was void of anything excessively feminine, but fitting enough to be just that. The only accessory other than her large unisex watch was a teardrop-shaped necklace that hang on a thin gold chain. It was her sister's favorite and Haruka found it necessary to bring something of Karin's with her that day. They watched as Kate signaled that she was ready and the studio grew still once again.

**x x x**

_One month ago_

"Hi, I'm Kate Donovan."

"We know who you are." Michiru stated the obvious. She was slightly appalled by the reporter's nerve to show up at her home after everything that has happened.

"I tried contacting you, but-"

"The fact that we didn't get back to you should have been an indication that we don't want to talk." Haruka tried pushing the door closed again.

"Please, just hear me out." Kate pleaded. "I won't take more than five minutes of your time. I realize what I have put you through and I want to make things right."

"We are not interested in being under the spotlight again." Haruka protested, but then she felt Michiru's hand on her shoulder. She eased her grip on the door and finally pulled it open when Michiru nodded.

"You have five minutes." Michiru walked away to the living room, leaving the other two women with nothing else but to follow.

Fifteen minutes later Kate finished her pitch. The fiancées sat silently on the couch, looking at her as though she was mad. Kate wondered if she was. "I understand that it's a lot to ask, but everything that you have been through… I feel that if you share your experiences with others, something might change."

"Like what?"

Kate knew that her hope of the program having effect was just that - a hope. She has had the misfortune of working in the tabloid industry and she knew the way it operated. However, she wanted to do a story on the effect of the industry on the celebrities. The celebrities who she could show as nothing but ordinary people. Make her audience feel like they could be in their place and suffer the same fate. "It won't change the industry, but if it changes the demand, the way people view the industry, that may have an impact. I want to dim the celebrity light, showing two hard-working people that made sacrifices. I want people to know the real you. You never had a chance to say how you really felt, I want to give you that opportunity."

"Who said that we need it?" Haruka asked curiously.

"We all need closure." Kate responded compassionately. It took her three more hours to convince them to come by New York and at least look at what she had planned.

**x x x**

"Let's talk about friends." Kate smiled at Michiru.

"Friends. Friendships used to be a foreign concept to me, until I learned through experience that just like with any relationship, friendship is a battle. We fight to keep friendships intact so that we have someone in life who we can depend on, can share our deepest secrets with, laugh when they are happy and cry when they are sad. Help them when they are in need and get help when we are the ones who need it. I used to walk away from those battles. I did not consider them worth fighting, because I didn't know what the purpose was. I let my first friendship slip past me."

"Who was your first friend?"

"Amanda Johnson."

"You two met at Juilliard?" Kate probed.

Michiru nodded. "Yes. I was happy to make a friend. It was refreshing to have someone to talk to, even if that someone was overwhelming in the beginning. Amanda, though… she was something. I got used to her rather quickly and our relationship strengthened. What I didn't realize at the time was exactly how much impact Amanda would have on my life. In many ways, she changed it. Because she changed me. Whether she knew it or not." A shadow passed across her face before Michiru shook off the memory.

"It must have been hard when your friend was trapped into becoming your enemy."

Michiru almost flinched. "There are many degrees of relationships in life, friendship included. People that surround you, you keep them at a distance proportionate to the degree of relationship you have with them… but you always hope that you have managed to surround yourself with people you can at least trust. On a basic level. That they would not do wrong by you, that they would have at least that much decency. Well, the reason why we hope that to be the case is because we know that it not always is."

"Did you know that the interview Amanda gave was very different from the one that was printed?"

"I didn't find out until later, but in many ways it was too late. Terrible things have happened because of that interview and none of them we can change."

"When you think about your time at Juilliard… what is the most memorable moment?"

Michiru thought for a moment, her eyes wandering away from the cameras and setting on four people who sat on folding chairs on the side of the room. "It was the first time I went out with my classmates or my friends. It was the first time I participated in a series of parties the purpose of which was to advance our own skills and creativity more than anything else. But most importantly, two things happened that night: I was inspired to try playing my violin in public, despite being deathly afraid of the stage, and I fell in love."

"That's right, you and Alan Carey were just a year apart in school. What was it like falling in love for the first time?"

Michiru's eyes found the blues of her ex-husband. "It occurred to me as I lay in bed the night after our first kiss that I knew nothing about Alan. My attraction to him was undeniable, but that was physical and partially emotional, tied into the music. Both his and mine. However, I had no idea who he was. As I went over the events of the day, I counted what I knew about him on my fingers: he was Irish, he studied composition, he was a second year student, he was twenty, he had a brother, and he liked watching some kind of races. That was it. If I indeed was to date someone, that was not nearly enough information. What kind of reputation did he have? Did he fall in and out of relationships easy? The questions kept plaguing my mind most of the night and I did not fall asleep until the early hours of the morning. I honestly don't think that knowing the answers to all of them would have changed anything at the time. Sometimes the mistakes we make happen because we truly think that we are doing the right thing at the time. We never expect that something will change and we will hurt the ones we love. No matter how much we don't want to."

"You got married young. How did your friends and family react to that?"

A wistful smile returned to Michiru's face as she turned back to Kate. "My best friend's reaction to my decision to marry at such a young age was a combination of waterworks and harsh criticism. Afterwards, we both thought that no one could top that off. We were wrong. While Alan's parents needed some time to digest the news, they got set with the idea of their second son getting married quite quickly. My parents, on the other hand… To my utter surprise, they lectured me on the same things as Amanda. They proved once again that there was little traditional in their point of view. It was not about the fact that Alan was Irish or that they have not met him to date. It was because they felt that I was rushing into things. We had that recurring argument all the way through September, when I left for my competition in Vienna. The heavy thoughts and doubts about my decision to marry that plagued me all the way to the stage in the end affected my concentration. Or, at least, I keep telling myself that it was my distraught state that made me perform as bad as I did. I left the competition without ever reaching finals. When I got back to New York, I was almost ready to call the whole thing off. I turned back to blaming Alan for all my failures. When I came home, a surprise waited for me."

Kate was about to ask another question when Haruka's reassuring squeeze of Michiru's hand brought her out of her daze. "My parents waited in the apartment and they threatened to stop supporting me if I married Alan like planned. Later on I would thank my parents for what they did. If they did not take such a drastic step, I probably would have still been miserable, crying about how staying in the shadow of my significant other was a terrible burden. I wanted to make something of myself. My parents' action propelled me to do something. I did it for money because otherwise I had no means of living. I have never felt as humiliated as when I went to see Simon Frank, not even when I was forced to undress in front of a stranger. Begging for money was not something I have ever done before then or would ever want to do since. It took all my guts to go to his office, without telling anyone about it, primarily because I was afraid that they would stop me. I grew to admire him after or encounter. We may have all felt like he was a tyrant or a schmuck at some points, but he helped me out when I needed it and I never forgot that. I just did not realize that the way I would have to pay back would hurt so many people in the process. My respect for him diminished as quickly as it appeared, only years later, when he gave that interview."

She looked up at the cameras again. "Anyway, I lay in bed the night before my wedding and thought about the step I was about to make. It was the first time I doubted my decision since the argument with my parents. You may call it a call of consciousness or the standard pre-wedding psychopathy. Whatever it was, it kept me up all night. In those eight sleepless hours, I never once doubted that I loved Alan and that I wanted to be with him. But, Amanda's words and the words of my parents kept repeating themselves in the back of my mind. I only started to experience life, I have had only one relationship before Alan. My personality was still developing. In the end, my feelings for Alan won over. When all hell broke loose all these years later, all kinds of accusations and speculations were made. Front pages of magazines and newspapers accused me of marrying because of Alan's success, because I was falling behind and wanted to make sure that he pulled me through, some even accused me of marrying him to get citizenship. Well, only the last one was even in the vicinity of benefits I got, even though it never crossed my mind before the wedding. I didn't even know he had dual citizenship."

Kate nodded. "That's true, I doubt that anyone watching this hasn't come across the speculations that flooded the stands after your marriage came to light. As unhappy I am to admit it, I was the journalist who published the original story about your divorce, starting the fire."

Haruka sighed. "The fact of the matter is, if you didn't, somebody else would. It's the nature of the trade."

"Speaking of professions," Kate picked up. "Tell me how yours started."

Michiru smiled. "I don't know how to even start to describe my first experience on stage. It was all I ever wanted, more or less. I got the high I've never felt before. I got my fifteen seconds of fame when Mark introduced me and it felt so good. When we all descended backstage, I felt like anything was possible. The only downside of the whole experience was that I didn't know if I wanted to be associated with Paradigm. Not in a sense that I had anything against them, that was never the case, I love what they did. But I wanted to have my 'I'. I wanted to stand on that stage by myself and have my own fans cheer me on. I did not want to be there as a visitor with a popular band, I did not want to be there as a girlfriend of the band leader, an object to whom some of the songs were dedicated."

She grimaced. "I don't need to hear how vain, selfish and ridiculous those feelings were. I heard it all from my best friend at the time, who has never had a problem telling me how screwed up I am to my face. That's fine. We all set our goals and my goal, since the day I decided to become a violinist, was to inspire people with my music. MY music. Not my performance with an orchestra, a quartet or a band. Those were supposed to be secondary to my solo career. Not the other way around. The initial confusion that I felt in those original nine performances only forced me to work harder, to get what I wanted, to win the competitions. Well, what we want and what we get is not just decided by us. Many times that summer I remembered Charlie Tenoh's words. Getting good at what you do is not supposed to be easy. There is a proverb that goes along the line of 'hard in training, easy in battle.' I felt like my training was the battle. Next year I entered competitions because of my parents' threats. Having had the taste of solo performance and the indescribable rush of adrenalin to my head when I won, I was determined to get what I wanted. While Paradigm recorded their new tracks throughout January, I researched all viable violin competitions around the world. Since those awarding recording contracts at the end were complicated in nature, I realized that I would have to prepare far in advance. All thanks to the argument with my parents."

"You mentioned Charlie Tenoh's wisdom. Charlie is Haruka's father, how did you meet him?"

"Alan's younger brother, Devin, used to be obsessed with Haruka when he was a teenager. We drove him to the circuit at Watkins Glen once where he hoped to meet her. She wasn't there, but we ran into Charlie. While I listened to Haruka's story and then watched Devin write that letter, I kept thinking about how ordinary people turned celebrities overnight. At least that is what the common notion is. Once you make it up there, once you reach your goal, you forget all the difficulties you went through, all the times you wanted to give up along the way. At least most of us forget that. It really touched me that Haruka's father did not try and make it sound even more magical. I've met a lot of parents who think that their children are the best in the world for many reasons and then if those children do achieve something, the parents make it look like it just happened. Like their children are so great that they did something without moving their precious finger. It just came to them. Charlie wasn't like that. Charlie was the voice of reason, an encouragement and a warning at the same time. Yes, anything is possible, but you have to lose some to gain some. I had no idea what Haruka had to lose to get the F-1 contract. I had no idea what Haruka had to lose to even make the decision to become an F-1 racer."

Michiru looked at Haruka, their eyes locking. "I understood how fortunate I was during my first break in college. My family was perfect, especially in comparison to some of the others. I had a friend who was not afraid to kick me in the butt when I needed it and who genuinely cared. I had a boyfriend who understood and cared for me as much as I cared for him. I was offered to play with a band. I came back to New York feeling like everything could not be better. Sure I had exams coming and needed to double my efforts, but nothing could put me down. I was literally flying up on a cloud. Sometimes I think that the balance of things in the universe was tipped my way and my soulmate had to pay for it. While I was the happiest, she has been going through the second hardest period in her life, maybe it was the hardest. While my personality developed, propelled by the people that surrounded me, her personality was forcibly altered by others. If there truly is a correlation like that, I wish to never be happy again, I wish for all the troubles that come along my way because I would not bear the knowledge that I make her hurt."

Haruka brushed the backs of her finger lovingly against her fiancée's cheek. The rest of the studio was lost on them, until Kate spoke up. "Haruka, that November you signed the contract with Ferrari, correct?"

Haruka looked up, the serenity of the moment gone. "Yes."

"You stated more than once that the confusion about your gender was just a misunderstanding. How did that happen?"

"I have never had issues with my body, why would I? I look hot, male or female." She smiled cockily, winking at her friend who also happened to be her fiancée's ex-husband. She grew a little more serious. "Sure I was a tomboy growing up, but who would wear skirts to go cart racing? Or to run around the tracks full of men? I wanted to learn from them, not have them check my ass out every time I came in their sight. I could not have possibly known that that would lead to a misunderstanding that would put my whole career at risk and then end up ruining it."

"So you knew that you wanted to race early on?"

"Yeah. People say that you are born this way or you are born that way. Many claim that I was born a racer. Well, I don't remember driving out of my mother's womb, but I do remember all the hours I've put in over the years. When I finally made up my mind, I raced carts at the track every day, getting my edge back, and then I worked out for hours, making sure that my body was up to par to the car that I have not even driven yet."

"Michiru, despite the hardships that you mentioned, you have given a lot of credit to your agent over the years."

Michiru nodded. "Hiring Anne Dunn was the first high risk I took in life, at least when it related to my career. I have never regretted my decision. I spent the next year touring the world, but the loft in Tribeca remained my anchor. I would return there whenever I could and mostly hoped that it coincided with the time when Alan came home. Anne's scheming also allowed us to meet in Europe while they were on tour. Within months Anne created Michiru Kaioh, a classical violinist with a contemporary twist. I gave interviews to the magazines, I visited a number of television shows, and my name started to appear on the front pages of periodicals as well, though it was still void of front page pictures. I diversified my performances. In the beginning, I did a lot of concert engagements with orchestras and musicians I met through my prior engagements, but little by little I started doing my own performances. At first they were small and I just renditioned the classics, but I also started composing my own music. For my birthday Alan gave me an electric violin and a piece he wrote for it. I played it at my next concert and shocked the audience. To my utter surprise, they liked it. It was at that point that I started to develop my own style. The classic with a contemporary twist. A year after I met Anne I was ready to record my first album. In the fall I would tour for the first time as a solo violinist with my own compositions. My first concert was scheduled in Tokyo. My parents had the seats in the front row. Everything I dreamed about was within reach. All I had to do was reach out and grab it."

"Have either of you ever felt like you were missing out on something, dedicating yourself fully to your careers so early on?"

Haruka shook her head after a long moment. Michiru reminisced on something in her past. "The remaining days before I traveled to Europe for my first concert series after graduation had a profound effect on my life. For the first time I felt like maybe I was missing out on something, experiences I have not had because of my determination to excel at what I do and to be with the person I fell in love with. As I spent time with my friends I thought of all the things I could have done and could still do. I wondered if my decision was premature. All the while 'Step Up' mixed by Max Du Bois was playing in my head."

Her thoughts turned to another subject. "The moment I stepped off the plane in Germany, I felt like I entered a new world. Not in a cultural sense, I've been there before. The magazine stands had dozens of periodicals with Paradigm on the first page. That fall they were supposed to embark on their first European tour and Simon Frank made sure that people were waiting for them. I stood in front of a kiosk and looked at all the different shots of the four people I knew so well. I just saw them last night at home and now I was looking at them on the magazine covers, in their newly gained celebrity status and I was not up to par. I grabbed one of each periodicals to send them back to the band. My eyes lingered on another magazine, one that had only one person on the cover: a blonde with blue eyes, wearing an Armani suit with a white shirt (the last two buttons left open) and holding a racing helmet. It was a British periodical and the title read 'The Secrets of a New Star.' I grabbed it, to send it to Devin. As I read through a couple of articles in English about Paradigm and the article about Haruka, I found one common denominator: none of those articles had any substance to them. There was absolutely no information that one would learn about them. Mostly it was just an overview of what the band or the racer did lately. Public events. Nothing private. I wish it would have stayed that way."

Kate chuckled sourly. "Was that the first time you thought about the media?"

"No." Michiru thought about it for a moment. "I think the fist time was when I ran into paparazzi stalking Haruka at the airport. It was right after we recorded the first track and despite the fact that I was functioning in a vacuum, I remember that conversation as though it was yesterday. At the time I thought 'how bad can it be?' If people recognized you, that meant that you did well as an artist. That was a good thing, not a bad one. I had nothing to hide, so it did not matter if reporters stalked me and tried to dig up dirt. Well, as I said before, things change. Never in my wildest nightmares have I thought that my life would be turned upside down by the yellow press around the world. Because see, when I thought reporters dug into one's life, I was naive enough not to realize that they flipped the truth around to make a story. That the most innocent act can become something that causes earthquakes of disapproval through societies. That in twenty-first century people are still as judgmental as ever."

Haruka squeezed her hand again, calming Michiru down. She took a breath and continued. "The truth of the matter is, even if I stopped playing my violin from that day forward, I would still be on reporters' radar. First because of my relationship with Alan and the rest of the band, and then because I know I would still meet her. And once I did, no matter if I was famous or not, our lives would still be the chaos that they are. My fame simply sped up the process and added fuel to an already raging fire."

"You mentioned a couple of times running into Haruka before the two of you met each other?"

Michiru smiled. "It is rather ironic how our existences seemed to touch upon each other, unbeknown to us. I mean, what are the chances of us being in the same room on the first day? What are the chances of my boyfriend being a fan and his brother being obsessed with her? What are the chances of me learning so much about her and not knowing anything at all over the years?"

"You were supposed to be roommates at Juilliard, right?"

"Yes, they thought piano and violin made a good match." Haruka smiled.

Kate turned to Michiru. "What did you think about Haruka when you first met her?"

"You know, they say don't judge a book by its cover. I must admit, I've never taken that saying as seriously as I have after I met her again. That day, the first time I saw her, I thought she was a spoiled, presumptuous and temperamental brat that just threw a career away on a whim. If it was any other school, I would have thought that her parents paved her way there and she just did not appreciate it, but, having gone through the admission process myself, I knew she had to have talent. I just didn't know what it was, nor did I care to find out, just like I didn't care to find out who she was. She was gone and I got my sleep. That was all that mattered at the time."

Haruka burst out laughing, as did some of the people to the side of the room, earning stern looks from the sound technicians and some woman in glasses.

"When you met her again, you didn't know she was a woman. How did you react to that fact?"

"I think of people who knew Haruka was a woman at the time, I was the only one who found out by accident. She told so herself to the rest. I don't even know how to begin to describe what I felt as I ran away from the scene. If I were to pick one emotion, it was probably horror. I mean, I understand how she got the rest of the world confused, but how I could have known her for as long as I have at that point and as close as I have at that point, and not realized she was female… I was horrified. Then, of course, there was acceptance of the fact that she was a woman, which led me to being in an interesting position. I have never dated a woman before, I was married to a man. The turmoil that the knowledge brought to my whole system was indescribable."

"How about you, Haruka?" Kate turned to the blonde who barely contained her laughter.

"Horror. That's what I felt like when Michiru walked in on me playing tennis in a skirt. After the original deception was put in place, I always prepared people before I shocked them with the truth. Moreover, I only told them if I trusted them. In six years, that would be three people: my manager, my stylist, and my mechanic. I've known each of them for better half of a year before they learned the truth." She grew serious again. "There was more to it than acceptance of the fact. I was not just horrified because I cared for Michiru and thought that I lost her in a matter of seconds, my whole career was on the line. I mean, here was a woman who I've known for a month, who knew what my gender was. I didn't know her nearly well enough at the time to know that she would never share someone else's secret… it's ironic to look back now and know that if I just let it go then, didn't move a finger, no one would have known. If we both just let go of each other then, while we were both confused, we would not have been here today. Our lives still would have been as they were then. With some semblance of normalcy."

"Do you wonder if something could have been different often?"

"Yes. It all started with the finality of my separation from Alan. What I thought closed the door to that part of my life, in reality opened a window to everything that happened before, during, and after my marriage. There are so many 'ifs' that I could come up with… the ones that imply the possibility of me not sitting here today… If I didn't meet Alan. If I didn't marry Alan. If I gave up my career. If I didn't meet Haruka. If I didn't pursue relationship with Haruka. If I didn't divorce Alan… but who knows how our life would've turned out then. So I don't ponder on 'what if?' anymore."

"Was there a defining moment when you stopped looking back?"

"I made a lot of mistakes in my life. The ones that mattered the most I made in the name of my career. I sacrificed a part of myself, thinking that music was what I lived for, that it was the only thing that mattered, more so than the people I loved. There is no need to find a name for my acts. Those sacrifices haunt me every day. If I were to list all the things I wish I could take back… at one point I would've recounted most of the things I did in my life. I used to feel like I could trace it back and say: "If I took a right at that corner, I would've never ended up here." In time I realized it was pointless. What's done is done. Whether you are proud of what you did, regret it or feel any other way about it. The only thing you can change now is the way you feel about it, you can't change what you did."

Even Kate fell silent for a moment until she caught her producer gesturing from behind the cameras. She shook off her thoughts and returned to the interview at hand. "Falling in love for the second time… now this time with a woman. How did that feel?"

Michiru looked at the tips of her pointed shoes. "Many cultures have different tales and beliefs about people being connected. In my culture, we believe that soulmates are connected by an invisible thread attached to their little fingers. I wonder, though, if it is possible to be connected to more than one person. How else would you explain when your heart feels love and pain the same way towards more than one person?" She looked from Alan to Haruka and then back at her shoes. "I felt torn between the two of them for a bit. Then it changed, right about the time I found out Haruka was a woman."

"Was that something you accepted easily or did you struggle with it?"

Michiru's eyes found Max. She knew Max did not remember their conversations, but she was the one person who helped her get through the confusion and make up her mind. "I struggled with it a lot in different aspects of relationship. Private and public."

"But you gave Haruka another chance?" Kate probed and Michiru nodded.

"Second chances. That's what this is all about. We screw things up and then we try to fix our mistakes and sometimes, rarely, but sometimes life affords us second chances. I thought that's what it was when Michiru just accepted me for who I am. Turns out, it was just the natural progression of what was meant to happen all along." Haruka said.

"What was your relationship like in the beginning?"

Michiru smiled mischievously. "In the beginning our relationship was characterized by certain steadiness, a slow progression. We didn't have the luxury of seeing each other on a permanent basis, having 'normally' developing relationship. Instead, we would surprise each other with unexpected visits as we toured the world. Balancing the desire not to jump over our own heads and at the same time get the most out of those rare meetings has always been a challenge. Eventually we simply became daring."

"Yes, we have seen some of those pictures." Kate made Michiru blush.

Haruka answered more seriously than she did some of the other questions. "When you catch a plane after having put in a fourteen-hour day at work to travel to another country or another continent, it's not just to screw someone's brains out. On the other hand, you get used to a certain rush when you do it. You feel like you're a molecule that doesn't travel the same path as all the other neighboring molecules. When you break the monotony of your schedule and do something rash like that, you step out of your own path. You feel… like rules don't apply to you in that moment, even your own rules. When you hop places like that, you're disconnected from the social norms, you don't even think about them. All you care about is that person you sacrificed your sleep to see and the high that person gives you to keep on going. It was the most exhausting spring in my entire life and it made me feel like I was alive… like I have never been before."

"How did you feel when you found out that Michiru was married?"

"I found out she was married relatively early on. There was no gong and confetti over my head at that moment, no screaming and tears, it was just a fact of life. My finding out that she was still married was quite more dramatic."

"Despite the fact that Michiru filed for divorce a while before the two of you met, Alan and Michiru were still married through the first few months of your relationship. How did that make you feel?"

"I don't know. Did it matter? She was with me, we enjoyed each other's company, even if there was someone else before, it was in the past. No matter what status that person held or how close they were. Past is past. Things should stay in the past because they bring nothing but pain in the present. I wish that concept wasn't such a lucrative money-making machine."

"Knowing how much secrets do drive the industry, though, how did you manage to keep your gender off of the radars for so long?"

"Whether it was luck or carefully orchestrated scheme that made me invincible to the reporters for six years I don't know, but it all seemed to end with that first article. I mean every supposed relationship I had was highly publicized, but never once was it documented to the same degree. That article was the first wasp that broke through the walls of the nest, the rest followed. Of course, I had my best friend to thank for that."

"You were referring to the article that publicized your relationship with Michiru." Kate clarified.

"Yes."

"Now when your relationship became known… not to the rest of the world, but your families, how did they take it?"

"You know, I used to be naive enough to think that living in the twenty-first century meant that people were accepting of your choices, at least more conventional ones. Especially in the States. I mean you can marry your same-sex partner, but then you go home and the whole community looks at you like you just grew a second head. Sure I expected people to raise a brow at me when they found out I was gay, but I didn't expect to fight for my life choices. Naive me." Haruka shook her head in irritation.

"The first time I was accused of having a relationship with a woman, I felt vulnerable. Everything from the possibility of my classical career being destroyed to my fans hating me came to mind. The second time… well, it wasn't an accusation, we were in a relationship… I felt the opposite. Maybe because it came at a time when Haruka was physically not as strong as she usually is and because I knew how much it mattered to her that the world found out… but I felt strong. I was mentally daring for someone to say something derogatory or offensive. I didn't even think about my career."

"Of course the first time you were said to be dating a woman, it wasn't Haruka, it was Max DuBios." Kate prompted.

"Right." Michiru looked at Max and received nothing but an encouraging smile. "The scandals, the media frenzy, the desire to know more and more about everything… it all keeps us blind to the reality. There are real people behind each story and that piece of entertainment we so desire to have, it may damage someone's career, ruin their relationship, or even cost them their life. Through the middle of my own media disaster I thought that the effect on my career and my relationships was the worst. It all faded in comparison to what happened after Max was accused of breaking my marriage."

"The worst thing about life is that just when you accept the cards you've been dealt and figure out what you are going to do with them, life delivers you another unexpected blow, like a gust of wind that picks up the card house and then scatters it all around you. All you have left is to pick up the pieces and start all over again." Haruka too looked at Max.

"Was that comparable to why you were afraid of people learning about your gender?"

Haruka turned to Kate. "Have you ever stood on the edge of the cliff, preparing for a dive several hundred feet down? Watching the waves crash into the rocks and knowing that if you did not calculate right, you would bash your scull open? That feeling of extreme nervousness and anxiety, when you try to stretch every second for as long as you can until you realize that all you're doing is prolonging the inevitable? That's exactly how I felt for six and a half years while waiting to see an article on the front page announcing to the world that Haruka Tenoh is a woman. When instead I got a microphone and a bunch of cameras in my face, it took me a moment to realize that the question asked in that clear voice was not part of my imagination. As the silence stretched for an eternity, I felt like I finally fell off of that cliff, watching the rocks beneath and wondering if I would die because I hit them or because my heart would not be able to handle the stress and explode midair."

"That interview effectively put an end to your career as a Formula One racer. Did everything that happen afterward leave a sour taste in your mouth about the racing industry?"

"Formula One. It used to be my biggest dream. I craved for it, I lived for it, I pretended to be someone else for it… and I have only one good association left with it now. The only positive recollection is the feeling of the speed, the feeling of the car around me, the wind speeding past me. Not the knowledge that I was the first woman to do as well as I did. Not being as good at it as I was. Not the feeling of being the best at what I did. Just the feeling of being in the F1 car, doing what the car was made to do. Suzuka circuit in Japan, the feeling of loss as I came through the finish line first and the engine died away as I got out of the car, surrounded by my teammates and other people… that's the last memory I will ever have of being an F1 racer. Just like I missed the speed, the car and the wind as soon as I stepped out then, I miss it now. Everything else… pssh."

"Before this came to light, you were blackmailed, is that correct?"

Haruka nodded. "Money. It sure makes us come a full circle. Well, at least for me. I lied from the get go because I already paid into the dream and then I was supposed to pay to keep it on going. I guess the only comforting feeling when I got my first blackmail letter was that it took people over six years to even do that."

"Did you feel relieved when the truth came out?"

"In many ways, yes, but it also brought out things I didn't even consider."

"Can you give an example?"

Haruka looked up to the side of the room. "They say you learn the true measure of your friends when you get in trouble. I think we all were really put to test that one out. I guess we were all forced to take sides because no matter how good of a friend you may have been to someone, there was someone else in the middle of that mess you cared for even more. I mean for five years I thought that Joe and I would get through everything together, he was my best friend… but love changes people, it changes their priorities. I also never thought that I'd risk my career or health for someone who was a new friend, but I did it without another thought. Whether it was for her or the woman I love, it doesn't matter. The fact remains, everything got twisted. It was a combination of sweet and sour: friends turning on each other and perceived enemies giving each other strength."

Michiru nodded in agreement. "I think the most important lesson we both learned because of the media scandal is that what matters most is your family. Your friends. People who love you unconditionally, no matter who you are or what you did. The fact of the matter is, sometimes you don't even know that there are people like that around you. Not until something bad happens."

"Did you feel sorry for yourselves?"

Michiru chuckled. "As humans we always have a tendency to feel sorry for ourselves. I think at times I was a champion at that. When you sit in front of your best friend who feels like they just met you for the first time, you reassess yourself. I think for me it came at a point when I said: "Hi, I'm Michiru. Your best friend." And then I just sat there and pondered what else I had to say about myself. What was it that made me such a good friend? It's like marketing yourself out because you are afraid that if your friend ends up never remembering you, they may not like you again as much as they did when they first met you. You stop feeling sorry for yourself and start doing something to deserve their friendship anew."

"Other than realizing who your friends are… did anything else come out of the past?"

Haruka shook her head. "Did I mention that past should stay in the past? I feel like a broken record saying it over and over again, but it doesn't change. I mean what is the point? Can you change anything that happened? No. Does it do you any good to ponder on it now? No. So why bother?"

Michiru tore her eyes away from Alan's. "We all concentrate on trying to find out as much as we can about others. On the personal level too - we want to know our friend's deepest secrets. I think that's what drives the tabloid industry. We want to know the secret someone has from us, but unlike with a personal relationship, we are not the confidants, we are readers. Our friend didn't confine in us. Someone's personal life has been turned upside down by something that may not even be true. You'd think that something like a magazine story is just an entertainment. In my experience, that sort of entertainment left three people in the hospital and one person dead. An unfair price to occupy someone in a checkout line if you ask me."

"Absolutely." Kate paused for a moment. "It's been a little over a year since you two just disappeared. Where have you been?"

"Japan. My father's health deteriorated during the media frenzy… we try to spend as much time as we can with both of our families, but we now have a permanent address in Japan."

"There is another reason for you to move to Japan, isn't there?" Kate looked at Haruka.

"Yes. I'll be starting the season as Toyota's lead racer."

Kate smiled. "When you announced your retirement from the Formula One scene, you made all of your fans worried quite a bit. I'm sure they are ecstatic to know you're back to the sport, even if it's in a different branch."

Haruka replied with a wider smile. "What can I say? I can't live without the wind."

Kate turned to Michiru. "'New Paradigm,' the label launched by Alan Carey and Mark Hoffman, has been doing pretty well. Will you be working with them in the near future?"

Michiru shook her head. As convenient as that was, it went against everything she used to fight for. Her independent spirit rebelled against the idea. "I'm not sure. I've been playing in Tokyo on and off. As we settle in our new lifestyle, I'm sure those interested will be able to attend one of my live performances. Neither of us is interested in conquering the world anymore. We just want to do what we love most and not fight to have a life in the process."

"Well, we all wish you the best, both with your careers and your private life."

"Thank you."

The studio hummed as the cameras stopped rolling. Haruka got up and extended her hand, pulling Michiru up to her feet as well. They turned to Kate, who smiled at them both in appreciation and gratitude.

"Thank you for agreeing to do this. I really appreciate it."

They both gave her long impenetrable stares, until Haruka smiled, extending her hand. "Good luck with your career, Kate Donovan."

"Thank you." Kate watched the couple walk to a group of friends who waited on the side of the room. At one point in her career she chased each and every one of them because it was her job. Back then she never once felt good about it, not like she did now, as she watched them walk away, sharing jokes and friendly laughter. That sight was her redemption for all the pain she caused them inadvertently.


	35. Epilogue

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Haruka and Michiru's characters, they belong to Naoko Takeuchi. All other characters and this story belong to me.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

Epilogue

The surface of the water shimmered under the bright summer sky. The sound of a jet ski at some distance broke the silence of the morning. She let out a long sigh, her eyes never leaving the water as she stood on the edge of the dock.

"Hey, kiddo."

"Hi, dad." Haruka replied without looking at her father.

"How's my little girl doing?"

"Which one?"

Charlie looked at the lake and smirked. "Well, at least one of them is smiling, so she must be happy."

Haruka turned to him. "Do you think it's silly that I still come here… after all these years?"

"No." He wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "Karin would've wanted you to visit her. She would've wanted to witness this… I'm proud of you because of who you are, Haruka. Because you care after all these years." He kissed her temple and she put her head on his shoulder, the two enjoying the play of the rays in the light ripples.

**x x x**

"You look very beautiful."

Michiru smiled at Max as the latter stepped inside the room. "Thank you."

Max leaned against the wall. Physically she was back in top shape, emotionally she still at times struggled with the scattered pieces of her past. The memories that never became clear. "Do you feel weird?"

Michiru nodded. "It's even odder because Alan is here."

"I don't think he has any reservations about it."

Michiru smiled. "Me neither." She looked at Max's lilac dress and smiled wider. "You know, it's still not too late to change your wardrobe."

"You've been hanging out with Dido too much." Max chuckled. "Dresses aren't quite my style."

"Thank you for wearing it."

"It's the least I could do." Max grabbed a light silk shawl and wrapped it around Michiru's shoulders. "I'm very happy for you."

"Thank you." Michiru leaned in and kissed Max on the cheek. She giggled at the light smudge her gloss left on Max's skin and wiped it away with her thumb.

"Are you cheating on me already?"

"Haruka! Get out of here!" Michiru scolded.

"Okay, that's my cue." Max patted Haruka on the shoulder on her way out.

The two stood on the opposite ends of the room, smiling. Finally, Michiru tried to act serious. "You're not supposed to see me."

"Who said you're the bride? You're not supposed to see me!" Haruka stuck a tongue out at her fiancée.

"Then why did you come here?"

"I missed you." Haruka walked up to the violinist and gently wrapped her hands around Michiru's waist, careful not to wrinkle her white dress. She searched the blue eyes only for a moment before leaning down and placing a kiss on the shiny lips. The innocent gesture turned to a passionate kiss and the two forgot about everything, until the door opened.

"'You will have a lifetime for this. Now get out, we're tired of waiting.'" Michiru's mother chastised.

"'Sorry, it's my fault.'" Haruka bowed to the older woman and let go of Michiru.

"'Go.'" Michiru smiled and watched her fiancée leave the room. When Haruka was gone, she turned to her mother. "'How's otou-san doing?'"

"'He's fine… Just a little impatient.'" Hinato walked up to her daughter and moved a strand of hair that fell out of her updo to the side. "'Are you sure this time, Michi-chan?"

"'More than ever.'"

**x x x**

The wind picked up just a little as the small procession started. Haruka stood at the end of the dock, her cousin Mike right behind her. In front of Haruka was the judge and to her other side stood Max. The only person missing was her bride. She was walking up the path from the bed and breakfast, led by her father. Michiru's mother stood on the deck next to Haruka's parents. On the other side stood the few guests. They all watched as Michiru approached. In the simple silk gown that fell freely down her slim form and with her hair up, Michiru has never looked more beautiful. She was glowing and it warmed up Haruka's heart to know that she was the reason for that phenomenon.

Charlie and Mary Tenoh felt nervous, witnessing a moment they were not sure would come. Their only daughter was getting married and they could not have been happier. Carol and Hank, who stood across from them, smiled just as sincerely.

Alan held his own fiancée by the waist. They got engaged a couple of months ago and he felt nothing but happiness for his friend and his ex-wife. He wished them both what he himself had with Dido. As strange as the relationship between the four of them may have been, it all worked out for the best in the end. As though it was meant to be that way.

As Michiru stood next to Haruka, everyone turned to face the judge and the couple with its witnesses. Haruka threw a fleeting glance at the lake and then turned to her fiancée. She felt Karin's presence, even if it was nothing more than a superstition. The wind whispered reassuringly in her ear. Michiru's eyes lingered on the water a little longer, she just felt drawn by the sight. It was the best backdrop to her wedding, she could not have wished for a better place to be at the moment, despite all the memories from her other life. What was in the past was in the past. This was their present and ahead lay the future.

"Dearly beloved, we have gathered here today to join these two loving people together…"

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**AN:** The end. FIN. Конец.

Sorry it took me a while to finish it up… busy, what else can I say? I hope you guys enjoyed this story, I guess if you've read so far it was for a reason, so thank you for reading. Please share your thoughts on the ending as well as the story overall. Thank you for all of your reviews, the feedback keeps me going :)

As always a little note on what I'm planning to do after this. There will be no sequel to this story, that's for sure. I am working on the sequels to my first two stories and I will keep doing so. They have very different feel to them, so I'll work on each based on my mood. There are other plot bunnies, but I'll finish what I started before I move on.

Thanks for all of your support and interest in my stories. 'till next time...

~F


End file.
